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MaryMoo429: Introduction


MaryMoo429

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1 hour ago, Happy2Heal said:

back in 1974 I was forcefully given a first generation "anti psychotic" when my diagnosis was "adjustment reaction to adolescent"

That’s unbelievable, I’m sorry you went through that. It’s powerful what you wrote and I agree with it all. Hope you’re doing well and healing 💖

Completely drug free 11/26/22 🎉

 

Supplements: Magnesium citrate: 250 mg; Fish oil: 1200 mg

 

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - Victor Frankl

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1 hour ago, Mia1 said:

That’s unbelievable, I’m sorry you went through that. It’s powerful what you wrote and I agree with it all. Hope you’re doing well and healing 💖

Thank you. Sadly it was very common back then and probably still goes on now. I shudder to think about it because if I were to arrive at a local ER with any symptoms even remotely related to some "altered state" and having a "history of being diagnosed with a mental illness" plus the fact that anti psychotics are on my list of drugs I had severe adverse reactions to, they would jump right to concluding that my symptoms were mental and not medical ~ putting me at greater risk for being inappropriately treated again, and at much greater risk to my physical health due to my age. 

I try to stay as healthy as I can to avoid hospitals and doctors at all costs but there's just so much you can do. :P

 

I'm doing great off all those drugs, thanks! 

 

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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@deg1979thanks for reaching out with your compassionate and informative post I always appreciate it so much.
 

There is not a chance in hell that I will be taking the Abilify. The only meds that I had been willing to even try again are ones that I have been on in the past. There is nothing more terrifying to me now than the thought of putting some new, strange drug into my system. 
 

Like you said, I experienced the inter-dose withdrawal after just one day of taking the Ativan. At about 22 hours I had this wave of horrible anxiety that I recognized all too well as a feeling of acute benzo withdrawal. I was in church and ended up popping .25mg of Ativan and felt the symptoms dissipate like 30-40 minutes later.
 

Later that night was when I received the message from my doctor about trying Abilify and also when I suffered a short bout of parathesia. It was at that moment that I kind of had a “come to Jesus” moment where I just knew that no matter what it takes and no matter how sh*tty I feel that the drugs are only going to make things worse and that I have no choice but to find other ways to manage my symptoms.
 

I also have to understand and be ok with the fact that this is going to be a long and slow process. I’ve known this the whole time but only now is it really starting to register as an absolute truth for me. I think I’m getting closer to reaching a place where I’m just done fighting it. Trying to reinstate has actually helped me reach a place of letting go and acceptance. I’m now able to see how the best healer will be some form of a spiritual experience and personal growth. 
 

@Mia1 I have been working on the acceptance piece and have been able to successfully practice this some of the time. It’s when I’m really having a crisis that I find it hard to accept. It sounds great and easy to do when you’re in a state of mind where you can act as an observer. In the middle of a panic attack however it is very hard to accept rather than fight or white knuckle it. 
 

This is where I am really hoping that therapy can help me to find applicable techniques to practice acceptance. During my last panic attack I was telling myself over and over again to accept and not react but I was still doing so from fear and resistance and fighting my way through (which very much felt out of my control). I was very aware of what needed to be done (accept, relax and let go to avoid a struggle which only makes physical and mental symptoms worse) but my cns had total control of my mind and was calling all the shots. So despite trying hard to accept, and  knowing deep down that acceptance was the way to heal and feel better, I was still reactive. 
 

Today I’m having a rough day as I slept terribly last night, but instead of trying to push my way through it like I tend to do (and then get upset about the fact I’m not where I’m at today) I’ve been lying low in my bedroom doing different meditations pretty much the whole day on Insight Timer. I may get up and try to walk on the treadmill for 30 minutes or so so that I at least get a little movement in today, but I’m just going to take things minute by minute. 
 

@Happy2Heal Thanks for sharing these links about Seroquel and Abilify I read them both. More people need to see this stuff. So upsetting. I’d rather not add gambling and sex addiction to my history of drug/alcohol and food addictions😬. I don’t need every hedonistic quality known to man lol. 

Prozac: 20-40mg from 2006-2019. Zoloft: 2003-2005 off and on. Adderall XR: 20-50mg (abused so took more than prescribed often) 2006-2016. Amphetamine Salts 2006-2016 10-20mg (abused). Ativan: 2009-2010 1mg. Suboxone 16mg sublingual strips 2013-2016. Vyvanse: mg? (abused) 2014-2015. Alprazolam: December 2018- June 2019 1-2mg (abused). Diazepam: June 2019-November 2019 mg? (used to taper me off of Xanax). Lexapro: 2018-September 2020 10-20mg. Mitrazapine 30mg: Nov 2019-May 2020 (tapered off over 3 months) Trintillex: May 2019-December 2019 (mg?). Hormonal birth control 2003-2019.

Lexapro: 11/30/21- 12/2/21 - .5mg; 12/11/21 - 12/12/21 - 2.5mg 

Ativan: 12/11/21 - .5mg; 12/12/21 - .25mg 

supplements (current):

Morning: 400mg L-Theanine, 375mg magnesium.

Night:  450mg Valerian Root, 2.5mg Melatonin

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Dear @MaryMoo429,

 

I am sorry that you are still suffering. It seems to me, though, that you are using all your tools in a very smart way. 

 

What @deg1979said, I have to confirm. I forgot to tell you (sorry about that), but when I was at my worst and not able to sleep, I used an antihistamine. It was an over the counter one, so I dont think It was very strong. However, I tried It with caution. The first day I took like 25% of one pill. Then I waited a couple of days and tried half of It. It was not magical, but I could have 3/4 hours of sleep. Then, I tried It here and there and never had any adverse reaction. I agree with deg, though. Every suggestion about putting something new into your system has to be taken carefully. 

 

5 hours ago, MaryMoo429 said:

Her recommending Abilify has also made me have this reoccurring intrusive thought that what if I’m becoming schizophrenic or something? Like what if all the Adderall I took messed with my dopamine receptors s

 

I think is very common to have this type of thoughts when we are in such despair. However, remember that thoughts are only that, thoughts. Believe It or not, most of the people in this website get better(and I dont say everyone because I dont know all the stories). We have to face so many obstacules, but we do get better. 

 

5 hours ago, MaryMoo429 said:

I developed this new symptom and got worse 14 months out. 

That is a good question that I think Big pharma should answer to us some day. I also had my reaction from the vaccine at 14 months out. Why? I wish I know. The thing is, I did get better and you will, too. 

 

I send you a big big hug.

March 2019: 10mg Citalopram

April 2019: 20mg Citalopram

October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. 

March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. 

April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram.

I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). 

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35 minutes ago, MaryMoo429 said:

I’d rather not add gambling and sex addiction to my history of drug/alcohol and food addictions😬. I don’t need every hedonistic quality known to man lol. 

I know right? I was surprised about those!

 

you're doing a wonderful job of collecting and using all kinds of tools and accepting the hard reality of what WD recovery can entail

you are to be commended for that....

some of us (um, maybe to a certain extent, myself included *blush* lol) took some time to get there.

 

you're going to be ok. you've got a lot going for you!

 

it doesn't mean that you can't come and complain about how rough it is and ask for sympathy and support, though. that's how we all get thru the rough patches, with support and understanding from those who understand 

❤️

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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6 hours ago, MaryMoo429 said:

my doctor also reached out to me to say that she had spoken to her psychiatrist friend and she recommended I start a low dose (2mg) of Abilify. When I looked this up and saw that it is an antipsychotic I really got upset and that was pretty much what did it for me and made me have this sense of painful clarity that I cannot ever again use another psych med.

If it were me, I would stay as far away from antipsychotics as possible.  They are bad news, and worse to deal with and get off of than antidepressants, I've heard.  I really believe that if you hang in there, and practice patience and perseverance, that eventually, this pain and suffering will end for you.  I'm really sorry that booster triggered this.  Here is our thread about Abilify: 

 

Abilify

 

These doctors' MO (modus operandi) seems to be to just hand out drugs to people like candy.  It makes me angry, because I believe this is irresponsible.  

 

6 hours ago, MaryMoo429 said:

Her recommending Abilify has also made me have this reoccurring intrusive thought that what if I’m becoming schizophrenic or something?

Try not to entertain those thoughts. Often doctors prescribe Abilify if the person's antidepressant is not working well.  And, recurring intrusive thoughts are very common in withdrawal.  It does not make you schizophrenic.  I've dealt with those, too, and still do to some degree.  

 

I don't know if I posted this to you yet, but here it is, just in case.  

 

APPLE Technique

 

I just came across a very nice technique that really helps me.  It's called APPLE. I have printed it and have it where I can see it every day and be reminded of it so I internalize this technique. 

 

A - Acknowledge Notice and acknowledge the thought or uncertainty as it comes to mind. 

 

P - Pause Don't react as you normally do.  Don't react at all.  Just pause and breathe.   

 

P - Pull Back Tell yourself this is just the thought or worry talking, and this apparent need for worry or analysis or certainty is not helpful and not necessary.  It is only a thought or feeling.  Don't believe everything you think.  Thoughts are not statements or facts.   

 

L - Let Go Let go of the thought or feeling.  It will pass.  You don't have to respond to it.  You might imagine the thought floating away in a bubble or cloud.   

 

E - Explore Explore the present moment, because right now, in this moment, you are OK.  Notice your breathing and the sensations of your breathing.  Notice the ground beneath you.  Look around and notice what you see, what you hear, what you can touch, what you can smell.  Right now.  Then shift your focus of attention to something else - on what you need to do, on what you were doing before you noticed the thought or worry, or do something else - mindfully - with your full attention.  

 

 

 

Please do not private message me.  Only tag me for urgent questions about tapering and reinstating - thank you.  

 

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

 

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 2010 - 10 mg;  started taper August 2017, recent taper info: Apr 2 '20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06, Nov 21 0.05, Dec. 17 0.04, Jan 14 '22 0.03, Feb 19 0.02, Apr 18 0.01, May 15 0.005,  Jul 8, 0.00.  Psych Drug Free as of July 8, 2022!!  Woohoo!!!

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

magnesium in small amounts at 4 AM, before bed

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, multivitamin, zinc

suppl 8 PM: magnesium 350 mg, extended release vitamin C, melatonin 2 mg

 

Paxil 2002 - 2010, switched to Lexapro 2010 

Trazodone 50 mg. 2002 - 2019, fast tapered in 2019 

Xanax 0.5 mg as needed 2002 - 2019, up to 3x weekly 

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ooh I love that APPLE technique @getofflex

 

i'm printing out a copy for my fridge and one to send to my daughter who has health anxiety

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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@getofflex thanks for sharing the Apple technique I really like it. However, I don’t like to actually focus on my breath because when I do it makes me health anxiety worse and I feel like I’m not breathing correctly. So instead of focusing on something like my breath or heartbeat I’d rather focus on things I see/hear or smell that are not related to my body’s organic functions. I will have to play around with it a bit. 

Thanks for the post @almuPA I always appreciate hearing from you. I think for now and hopefully for the rest of my life I will stick to not trying any new psychoactive drug. I’m just too scared of all of them now.  No matter how terrible I’m feeling I don’t think this is the answer for me. I don’t want to risk feeling even worse or taking more steps backwards. 
 

I have a follow up appointment with my doctor tomorrow about my meds and will let her know then that I stopped the Lexapro and Ativan after two days. She was only going to prescribe me the Ativan for two weeks anyhow which I know would have been a huge disaster for me, especially being addicted to them in the past. 
 

I feel like she is going to think I’m being non compliant by not taking the meds and give her more reason to think I need something like Abilify but I’m just going to be as calm and straightforward as I can about it. I don’t want to give her more reasons to think I’m insane than I feel she already has.

 

I do also want to ask her about extending my STD. I met with the new counselor on Monday and have my first actual appointment with her on the 6th. I think she is going to be a good fit. She told me how she consults with a naturopath too so I was happy to hear about that as I’ve been thinking about going to one myself. 
 

lastly I need to talk to my PCP about my period as I ended my last cycle on the 14th of the month (it was 7 days and usually is only exactly 5) and just started spotting today. I know there have been links to the vaccine and disregulation of menstrual cycles so I’m curious to if there is any correlation or not. Trying to not let it freak me out. 
 

I have been feeling just about the same otherwise with my most noticeable symptoms being the energy surges at night in my chest and the buzzing feeling in my chest and upper body/head (most noticeable at night). I also have pretty bad tinnitus at night and in the mornings (or maybe this is just when I notice it the most). The RLS has gotten less intense as well as the AK and inner itchy brain feeling. I’m hoping these will stay at bay for a bit. 
 

I did watch a really interesting Ted Talk while I was on the treadmill today. Here it is: 

 

 

Prozac: 20-40mg from 2006-2019. Zoloft: 2003-2005 off and on. Adderall XR: 20-50mg (abused so took more than prescribed often) 2006-2016. Amphetamine Salts 2006-2016 10-20mg (abused). Ativan: 2009-2010 1mg. Suboxone 16mg sublingual strips 2013-2016. Vyvanse: mg? (abused) 2014-2015. Alprazolam: December 2018- June 2019 1-2mg (abused). Diazepam: June 2019-November 2019 mg? (used to taper me off of Xanax). Lexapro: 2018-September 2020 10-20mg. Mitrazapine 30mg: Nov 2019-May 2020 (tapered off over 3 months) Trintillex: May 2019-December 2019 (mg?). Hormonal birth control 2003-2019.

Lexapro: 11/30/21- 12/2/21 - .5mg; 12/11/21 - 12/12/21 - 2.5mg 

Ativan: 12/11/21 - .5mg; 12/12/21 - .25mg 

supplements (current):

Morning: 400mg L-Theanine, 375mg magnesium.

Night:  450mg Valerian Root, 2.5mg Melatonin

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hello, dear @MaryMoo429,

 

I was wondering how you are doing these days. I really hope you are feeling better.

 

I send you a big hug.

March 2019: 10mg Citalopram

April 2019: 20mg Citalopram

October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. 

March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. 

April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram.

I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). 

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Hey @almuPA thank you for being so kind and checking in. Unfortunately I’m not doing well still. I have an extreme inner vibration/buzzing feeling along with increased tinnitus and dizziness that seems to be there all the time (some times more pronounced than others).

 

The inner vibrations are so scary and I never had this symptom until after my booster shot. It could also coincide with me tying to reinstate meds I’m not sure now what is what. What I am sure about is that after the booster and before trying to reinstate meds for a few days, I developed new and worsening symptoms such as the inner shaking and akathisia and the re-emergence of nightly energy surges.

 

On New Year’s Eve I had just gotten done eating dinner at 5:30pm, was just sitting there, looked up from my phone and all of a sudden my vision just completely flipped and swirled and spun around. As soon as it did I checked the pulse in my neck and my heart was having PVC’s. This lasted for about 5-10 seconds and then corrected itself.

 

I’m not sure if the PVCs caused the dizziness or if the dizziness prompted an adrenal response which triggered the PVCs as my heart started beating super fast after the PVCs stopped. Either way it was scary and really shook me. Once again prompting me to think something is wrong with my heart.
 

I took my blood pressure right after and the diastolic was a little high (90) but then came down to normal a few minutes after. I think it was high simply because of the slight panic attack I had following the episode. 
 

I was proud of myself though for not letting this episode spiral into me freaking out and heading up to the ER. I was able to calm down, get my bp down to a normal reading after just a few minutes and then went up to watch the fireworks at one of the ski mountains despite feeling afraid and upset. If this has happened 4 weeks ago I would have panicked and ended up at the hospital.

 

The dizziness is strange though where certain things seem to trigger it or make it worse such as scrolling on my phone. It’s almost like my eyes lag behind my head sometimes. Turning my head and averting my eyes to something else can also do it. Recently I haven’t been able to sit in one of our recliners either as the slight rocking seems to trigger it as well. The worst though is definitely scrolling on a phone. 
 

I started an IOP last night which made me really anxious and feel like I was in the stress response the whole time and having a panic attack. The group lasted 3 hours and after it was over my body felt so drained and wrecked. The vibrations were the most intense they had ever been and I felt really dizzy.
 

I took my blood pressure like 20 times yesterday and it was ok each time. I know I should let do this as it is a compulsion on health ocd but I’m so scared about my heart again, even though all of my tests have been fine. 
 

I also have the weird energy rushes again every single night that happen right as I’m about to fall asleep that feels like someone is physically injecting my body (into my stomach or adrenal gland area) with warm, anxious energy that then spreads over my chest - most noticeably my heart and radiates up my neck sometimes and down my arm. These only happen as I’m about to fall asleep but they’re terrifying and make it hard to fall asleep. Feels like I stop breathing sometimes too. 
 

One other thing I notice is a feeling of that same physical feeling of anxious energy that I experience in the surges at night - only this is during the day and it is in my stomach area/adrenal glands. It’s like an anxious stomach feeling but more like I can feel this warm uncomfortable lava flow of energy swirling around below both ribs. Its a very physical feeling that makes me feel very anxious and nervous. 
 

Aside from all the negative I have just expressed above, I have lengthened my STD, have started driving on my own again. Only a few times and short distances (but it is something). I also purchased an unlimited monthly membership to one of the yoga studios here and have gone hiking once. 
 

I started the IOP last night and see my new therapist on Thursday and have a check in with my PCP on Friday. What I am most excited about though is I have an appointment with a naturopathic doctor on the 19th who has a great reputation. My uncle has seen him for years and helped diagnose him and treat his autoimmune disease. 
 

I did listen to a podcast the other day about patience and something that has stuck with me and I have been reminding myself of each day is his description of the basic definition of patience: the calm enduring of suffering. 
 

Namaste🙏❤️

Prozac: 20-40mg from 2006-2019. Zoloft: 2003-2005 off and on. Adderall XR: 20-50mg (abused so took more than prescribed often) 2006-2016. Amphetamine Salts 2006-2016 10-20mg (abused). Ativan: 2009-2010 1mg. Suboxone 16mg sublingual strips 2013-2016. Vyvanse: mg? (abused) 2014-2015. Alprazolam: December 2018- June 2019 1-2mg (abused). Diazepam: June 2019-November 2019 mg? (used to taper me off of Xanax). Lexapro: 2018-September 2020 10-20mg. Mitrazapine 30mg: Nov 2019-May 2020 (tapered off over 3 months) Trintillex: May 2019-December 2019 (mg?). Hormonal birth control 2003-2019.

Lexapro: 11/30/21- 12/2/21 - .5mg; 12/11/21 - 12/12/21 - 2.5mg 

Ativan: 12/11/21 - .5mg; 12/12/21 - .25mg 

supplements (current):

Morning: 400mg L-Theanine, 375mg magnesium.

Night:  450mg Valerian Root, 2.5mg Melatonin

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Dear @MaryMoo429,

I am sorry to read that you are still having a tough time. 

It looks to me that you are a little more stable, though.

On 1/4/2022 at 2:10 PM, MaryMoo429 said:

The inner vibrations are so scary and I never had this symptom until after my booster shot

Is my understanding that inner vibrations are a "normal" symptom on WD, a lot of people have o suffers them. That been said, I know they are very disturbing and scary.  

I Know I've told you before, but your current symptoms remind me a lot to the ones I suffered when I got my first shot. Inner vibrations lasted for weeks, and they went away gradually. 

 

On 1/4/2022 at 2:10 PM, MaryMoo429 said:

I’m not sure if the PVCs caused the dizziness or if the dizziness prompted an adrenal response which triggered the PVCs as my heart started beating super fast after the PVCs stopped. Either way it was scary and really shook me. Once again prompting me to think something is wrong with my heart

It is normal to have healthy anxiety on WD. Our bodies are reacting in ways we cannot understand(or at least me). Thats why one of the most valuable and difficult things to learn during WD is acceptance. To just accept what is happening is brutal, but also neccesary in a way. 

Is my understanding that you had your heart check at the ER(sorry if I am wrong), if something was wrong, they should have found something and tell you. I am saying this, but I remember that for a long time, I was checking my heart rate every 10 minutes, so I understand you. 

On 1/4/2022 at 2:10 PM, MaryMoo429 said:

I started the IOP last night and see my new therapist on Thursday and have a check in with my PCP on Friday. What I am most excited about though is I have an appointment with a naturopathic doctor on the 19th who has a great reputation. My uncle has seen him for years and help

It looks like you are keeping yourself busy and with the full recovery in your mind. Bravo!  I cant tell you enough: you are so brave. 

March 2019: 10mg Citalopram

April 2019: 20mg Citalopram

October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. 

March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. 

April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram.

I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). 

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Hey @almuPA it’s nice to hear from you as always❤️
 

Yes the vibrations/buzzing/tingling sensations are so so scary and disturbing, especially at nighttime. Sometimes they are paired with feelings of chest pressure and head pressure as well. It definitely makes me nervous to get another booster shot. 
 

I did have my heart checked in the ER twice in the last two months with ekgs (one on 11/22 and one on 11/26). They told me that they were both normal. The only thing that showed up is my low resting heart rate (which is usually around 46). They tell me this is fine though over and over again, but the health anxiety makes it so hard to believe them. 
 

One other thing that happened is one of the machines wrote “probable left atrium enlargement” on the top of the 11/22 ekg. But the ER doctor and the cardiologist he sent it to to review it said that it was fine.

 

I freaked out still and sent it to my PCP asking why they would have said it was fine but written “probable left atrium enlargement” on the top and she said that the machine interprets the ekg and writes what it interprets at the top. Since it is a machine it often gets things wrong. She also reviewed this ekg and said that my “p waves were beautiful” and that it was normal.
 

Of note, the ekg I had in the ER on 11/26 said “normal ekg” and “criteria for left atrium enlargement no longer present.” This still shook me up, and no matter how many doctors I have tell me the ekg was fine, it’s hard for me to trust it. The OCD piece causes me to continually need some one to reassure me that the test is ok. Once I saw that written there I couldn’t get it out of my head. Especially when I feel like something is wrong with my heart all the time. 
 

I also had an echocardiogram done this past May that said everything was fine and specifically says my left atrium is normal in size and function. 
 

I want to get past this fear of something being wrong with my heart but it just feels like it is not working properly. It beats so hard (not fast just hard) and loud that I can feel it in my chest when I am just sitting there. I can’t even lie on my left side because the feeling of it thumping against my ribs and the bed is too much and too intense. This is all the time and not just when I’m nervous.
 

The feeling usually goes along with a pressurized feeling throughout my body that pulsates to the beat of my heart. It’s a feeling that I often describe as someone stepping on a hose as it’s filling and all the pressure builds behind it. That’s how it feels in my body, especially my head, arms and chest. 
 

This all being said, I met with my new counselor in person last week and I really, really like her! I’m seeing her in a couple hours (via zoom today though which isn’t as helpful but is still something). I’m also in week two of IOP (which I don’t like as much) and see the naturopath next week (can’t wait!). Lastly I’m going up to the hospital today to have some labs done to test for Lyme (finally). 
 

It’s currently 0 degrees here right now so I need to be creative with how I get some fresh air and movement in today. Yesterday I went XC skiing with my cousin which was so refreshing and beautiful in the sunshine. I’m growing to despise the treadmill upstairs in our garage but may have to use this option today. 
 

☮️❤️🙂

Prozac: 20-40mg from 2006-2019. Zoloft: 2003-2005 off and on. Adderall XR: 20-50mg (abused so took more than prescribed often) 2006-2016. Amphetamine Salts 2006-2016 10-20mg (abused). Ativan: 2009-2010 1mg. Suboxone 16mg sublingual strips 2013-2016. Vyvanse: mg? (abused) 2014-2015. Alprazolam: December 2018- June 2019 1-2mg (abused). Diazepam: June 2019-November 2019 mg? (used to taper me off of Xanax). Lexapro: 2018-September 2020 10-20mg. Mitrazapine 30mg: Nov 2019-May 2020 (tapered off over 3 months) Trintillex: May 2019-December 2019 (mg?). Hormonal birth control 2003-2019.

Lexapro: 11/30/21- 12/2/21 - .5mg; 12/11/21 - 12/12/21 - 2.5mg 

Ativan: 12/11/21 - .5mg; 12/12/21 - .25mg 

supplements (current):

Morning: 400mg L-Theanine, 375mg magnesium.

Night:  450mg Valerian Root, 2.5mg Melatonin

Link to comment
On 1/11/2022 at 2:34 PM, MaryMoo429 said:

I want to get past this fear of something being wrong with my heart but it just feels like it is not working properly. It beats so hard (not fast just hard) and loud that I can feel it in my chest when I am just sitting there. I can’t even lie on my left side because the feeling of it thumping against my ribs and the bed is too much and too intense. This is all the time and not just when I’m nervous.
 

The feeling usually goes along with a pressurized feeling throughout my body that pulsates to the beat of my heart. It’s a feeling that I often describe as someone stepping on a hose as it’s filling and all the pressure builds behind it. That’s how it feels in my body, especially my head, arms and chest. 
🙂

 

@MaryMoo429

I  sympathise! These are the exact same symptoms (along with a few others 😉) that I am currently battling.

Prior to this horrendous flare of anxiety I was fortunate to experience an almost two month long window. Atm I'm just trying to cope and believe that there will soon be better days. 

 

Sending you strength and healing vibes 🥰 

Effexor XR 75mg 1997-2012 

Effexor XR 37.5mg 2012-2017 (tapered off over six months - finished taper July 2017)

SCA Aug 12th, 2017

Cymbalta 30mg Aug 2017 - Nov 2017 (CT Nov. 17th for medical reasons)

Metoprolol 50mg Aug 2017 - Feb 2019 tapered down to 25mg June 2019 then tapered down to zero. Off Metoprolol as of Jan 2020        

Amiodarone (anti-arrhythmic med) 200mg Nov 2017- May 2018

Supplements: Omega 3, vitamin D3, magnesium

What helps me: Manual lymphatic drainage massage, acupressure, meditation, homeopathy (my psychiatrist is also a certified homeopath), a healthy diet when possible organic, yoga, walking my dogs every day and gardening.

Link to comment

@gentlehermione ughhhh I'm so sorry you are experiencing these awful symptoms as well! Have you found anything that helps alleviate these symptoms? Do you have any underlying health issues or do you believe that these are a result of withdrawal? 

 

Sending you empathy and validation and hoping you can find healing and peace ❤️ 

Prozac: 20-40mg from 2006-2019. Zoloft: 2003-2005 off and on. Adderall XR: 20-50mg (abused so took more than prescribed often) 2006-2016. Amphetamine Salts 2006-2016 10-20mg (abused). Ativan: 2009-2010 1mg. Suboxone 16mg sublingual strips 2013-2016. Vyvanse: mg? (abused) 2014-2015. Alprazolam: December 2018- June 2019 1-2mg (abused). Diazepam: June 2019-November 2019 mg? (used to taper me off of Xanax). Lexapro: 2018-September 2020 10-20mg. Mitrazapine 30mg: Nov 2019-May 2020 (tapered off over 3 months) Trintillex: May 2019-December 2019 (mg?). Hormonal birth control 2003-2019.

Lexapro: 11/30/21- 12/2/21 - .5mg; 12/11/21 - 12/12/21 - 2.5mg 

Ativan: 12/11/21 - .5mg; 12/12/21 - .25mg 

supplements (current):

Morning: 400mg L-Theanine, 375mg magnesium.

Night:  450mg Valerian Root, 2.5mg Melatonin

Link to comment
14 hours ago, MaryMoo429 said:

Do you have any underlying health issues or do you believe that these are a result of withdrawal? 

 

@MaryMoo429

It's a long story https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/18096-☼-gentlehermione-life-after-ads/#comment-358125

but for the past few years I have had no underlying health issues. The only physical symptoms I have encountered have been withdrawal-induced. I consulted my cardiologist a few days ago and he once again confirmed that my heart is fine. The anxiety wave is a result of withdrawal...

 

I know how terrifying it must be for you atm with these horrible symptoms but they will pass. Apart from all the excellent advice and reassurance that I have found here at SA, what has seemed to work best for me over these past four years of AD are distraction, acceptance, mindfulness, meditation and gentle exercise.

 

Here's to hoping we both feel a little more chipper soon! 🥰

 

Effexor XR 75mg 1997-2012 

Effexor XR 37.5mg 2012-2017 (tapered off over six months - finished taper July 2017)

SCA Aug 12th, 2017

Cymbalta 30mg Aug 2017 - Nov 2017 (CT Nov. 17th for medical reasons)

Metoprolol 50mg Aug 2017 - Feb 2019 tapered down to 25mg June 2019 then tapered down to zero. Off Metoprolol as of Jan 2020        

Amiodarone (anti-arrhythmic med) 200mg Nov 2017- May 2018

Supplements: Omega 3, vitamin D3, magnesium

What helps me: Manual lymphatic drainage massage, acupressure, meditation, homeopathy (my psychiatrist is also a certified homeopath), a healthy diet when possible organic, yoga, walking my dogs every day and gardening.

Link to comment
4 hours ago, gentlehermione said:

what has seemed to work best for me over these past four years of AD are distraction, acceptance, mindfulness, meditation and gentle exercise.

 

Sorry, I meant these past four years of WD

Effexor XR 75mg 1997-2012 

Effexor XR 37.5mg 2012-2017 (tapered off over six months - finished taper July 2017)

SCA Aug 12th, 2017

Cymbalta 30mg Aug 2017 - Nov 2017 (CT Nov. 17th for medical reasons)

Metoprolol 50mg Aug 2017 - Feb 2019 tapered down to 25mg June 2019 then tapered down to zero. Off Metoprolol as of Jan 2020        

Amiodarone (anti-arrhythmic med) 200mg Nov 2017- May 2018

Supplements: Omega 3, vitamin D3, magnesium

What helps me: Manual lymphatic drainage massage, acupressure, meditation, homeopathy (my psychiatrist is also a certified homeopath), a healthy diet when possible organic, yoga, walking my dogs every day and gardening.

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...

Hello @MaryMoo429,

 

How are you doing these days? Any improvements?

I send you a hug. 

March 2019: 10mg Citalopram

April 2019: 20mg Citalopram

October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. 

March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. 

April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram.

I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). 

Link to comment
  • 2 months later...

How are you doing? Been thinking about you.

Completely drug free 11/26/22 🎉

 

Supplements: Magnesium citrate: 250 mg; Fish oil: 1200 mg

 

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - Victor Frankl

Link to comment

Hey @almuPA and @Mia1 sorry I have not been on here in so long it’s just been too much for me to handle, I’ve been so sick. I’ve been working with a naturopathic doctor since January and after many tests and lots of money we just found out a few weeks ago that I have several different things going on:

 

Autoimmune encephalitis (antibodies for anti dopamine receptor 2, and blood brain barrier disruption - antis-100b).

 

Antibodies for 9 different kinds of borellia (Lyme) along with antibodies for one strain of Babesia (a malaria like co-infection of Lyme).

 

And also have antibodies for two different strains of EBV.
 

Some antibodies are igm meaning newer while others are igg+iga. The dopamine autoimmune issue is new, less than 3 months (igm) and most of the Lyme antibodies are older (igg). He thinks I’ve had Lyme for a while and it has changed my immune system. The ebv antibodies are also igg and the levels are on the low range of high so most likely the ebv is not currently active. 
 

He also speculates that I got so sick with the booster shot because it even further ramped up my immune system which caused even more of an attack on my body. I will not take another booster shot that is for sure as I still have my own theories on what this vaccine did to me. I believe the vaccine triggered the autoimmune encephalitis. I think other things were leading up to it (Med withdrawal and Lyme) but that was the straw that broke the camels back so to speak. 
 

I had done two prior tests for Lyme and none of them were positive. The Lyme tests a doctor gives you at the hospital have sensitivity rates that are very poor. The guidelines MD land follows for what qualifies someone as having Lyme are also terrible and  Lyme itself is a tricky infection, hiding in different organs and body parts and is very hard to test for.
 

My next step is to do another blood draw in two weeks with Red Labs (living Lyme test) and send it away where they culture it for over a month. This will give us an idea of what active infections I have. I will then have to take antibiotics and other awful meds with boat loads of side effects, to best treat the specific infection I have. 
 

I have been very sick and had to move home permanently. I was not able to return to Maine after my short term disability ran out. The akathisia, buzzing, internal tremors, ear ringing, nerve pain, pressure headaches, heart palpitations, etc are so bad. I also have developed a feeling of not being able to get a satisfying breath in and can no longer workout (anything more than walking) which is wild considering I was running 5 miles a day a month ago. I have times I can’t do anything more than curl in a ball on the bed and wait for the pain and dis-ease to lighten up. 
 

All kinds of horrible, weird symptoms and been feeling pretty hopeless and like my life is one huge catch 22. Im terrified, to be honest.


Im terrified to start antibiotic treatment and have herx reactions. When you have Lyme and take antibiotics people get what are called herx reactions that make people even more incredibly ill. It’s a good sign though as it means the bacteria is being killed and the treatment is working.

 

But the antibiotics mess up your gut biome and other systems in your body, and are awful for people in withdrawal as we know. I don’t really have another option though so I’m terrified. Especially since my Lyme symptoms are basically all neurological at this point so I expect my herx reactions will only ramp up my anxiety ten-fold. 
 

Damned if I do and damned if I don’t. 
 

I’ve already had to start taking low dose naltrexone and other herbs/supplements for these issues. I will update my signature with this info when I get a moment. 
 

I pray now all the time and meditate on the idea of Christ light within. I have been feeling my body shutting down and working so hard to function correctly that I now know my spirituality is the most powerful tool I have. 
 

I hope all is well with everyone here fighting the good fight. Sending lots of love and light. ❤️

Prozac: 20-40mg from 2006-2019. Zoloft: 2003-2005 off and on. Adderall XR: 20-50mg (abused so took more than prescribed often) 2006-2016. Amphetamine Salts 2006-2016 10-20mg (abused). Ativan: 2009-2010 1mg. Suboxone 16mg sublingual strips 2013-2016. Vyvanse: mg? (abused) 2014-2015. Alprazolam: December 2018- June 2019 1-2mg (abused). Diazepam: June 2019-November 2019 mg? (used to taper me off of Xanax). Lexapro: 2018-September 2020 10-20mg. Mitrazapine 30mg: Nov 2019-May 2020 (tapered off over 3 months) Trintillex: May 2019-December 2019 (mg?). Hormonal birth control 2003-2019.

Lexapro: 11/30/21- 12/2/21 - .5mg; 12/11/21 - 12/12/21 - 2.5mg 

Ativan: 12/11/21 - .5mg; 12/12/21 - .25mg 

supplements (current):

Morning: 400mg L-Theanine, 375mg magnesium.

Night:  450mg Valerian Root, 2.5mg Melatonin

Link to comment

I’m so profoundly sorry you’re going through this @MaryMoo429, my heart goes out to you. It sounds like you’re really on top of the situation though so keep following your intuition, you are going to heal. I’m really happy you have family you can turn to to help  take care of you and get you through this. You really are going to get through this. 
 

On 4/22/2022 at 9:50 AM, MaryMoo429 said:

pray now all the time and meditate on the idea of Christ light within. I have been feeling my body shutting down and working so hard to function correctly that I now know my spirituality is the most powerful tool I have. 

This is so beautiful and powerful and true. Keep connecting with that light, you are the light. Sending you love and healing prayers 💖🙏

Completely drug free 11/26/22 🎉

 

Supplements: Magnesium citrate: 250 mg; Fish oil: 1200 mg

 

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - Victor Frankl

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  • 1 month later...

Hello, @MaryMoo429,

 

I am so sorry to read what you are going through. 

 

On 4/22/2022 at 3:50 PM, MaryMoo429 said:

My next step is to do another blood draw in two weeks with Red Labs (living Lyme test) and send it away where they culture it for over a month. This will give us an idea of what active infections I have. I will then have to take antibiotics and other awful meds with boat loads of side effects, to best treat the specific infection I have. 

Have you found out anything new? Did you have to take the antibiotics? 

 

You are in my thoughts. 

March 2019: 10mg Citalopram

April 2019: 20mg Citalopram

October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. 

March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. 

April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram.

I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). 

Link to comment
On 4/22/2022 at 7:50 AM, MaryMoo429 said:

Hey @almuPA and @Mia1 sorry I have not been on here in so long it’s just been too much for me to handle, I’ve been so sick. I’ve been working with a naturopathic doctor since January and after many tests and lots of money we just found out a few weeks ago that I have several different things going on:

 

Autoimmune encephalitis (antibodies for anti dopamine receptor 2, and blood brain barrier disruption - antis-100b).

 

Antibodies for 9 different kinds of borellia (Lyme) along with antibodies for one strain of Babesia (a malaria like co-infection of Lyme).

 

And also have antibodies for two different strains of EBV.
 

Some antibodies are igm meaning newer while others are igg+iga. The dopamine autoimmune issue is new, less than 3 months (igm) and most of the Lyme antibodies are older (igg). He thinks I’ve had Lyme for a while and it has changed my immune system. The ebv antibodies are also igg and the levels are on the low range of high so most likely the ebv is not currently active. 
 

He also speculates that I got so sick with the booster shot because it even further ramped up my immune system which caused even more of an attack on my body. I will not take another booster shot that is for sure as I still have my own theories on what this vaccine did to me. I believe the vaccine triggered the autoimmune encephalitis. I think other things were leading up to it (Med withdrawal and Lyme) but that was the straw that broke the camels back so to speak. 
 

I had done two prior tests for Lyme and none of them were positive. The Lyme tests a doctor gives you at the hospital have sensitivity rates that are very poor. The guidelines MD land follows for what qualifies someone as having Lyme are also terrible and  Lyme itself is a tricky infection, hiding in different organs and body parts and is very hard to test for.
 

My next step is to do another blood draw in two weeks with Red Labs (living Lyme test) and send it away where they culture it for over a month. This will give us an idea of what active infections I have. I will then have to take antibiotics and other awful meds with boat loads of side effects, to best treat the specific infection I have. 
 

I have been very sick and had to move home permanently. I was not able to return to Maine after my short term disability ran out. The akathisia, buzzing, internal tremors, ear ringing, nerve pain, pressure headaches, heart palpitations, etc are so bad. I also have developed a feeling of not being able to get a satisfying breath in and can no longer workout (anything more than walking) which is wild considering I was running 5 miles a day a month ago. I have times I can’t do anything more than curl in a ball on the bed and wait for the pain and dis-ease to lighten up. 
 

All kinds of horrible, weird symptoms and been feeling pretty hopeless and like my life is one huge catch 22. Im terrified, to be honest.


Im terrified to start antibiotic treatment and have herx reactions. When you have Lyme and take antibiotics people get what are called herx reactions that make people even more incredibly ill. It’s a good sign though as it means the bacteria is being killed and the treatment is working.

 

But the antibiotics mess up your gut biome and other systems in your body, and are awful for people in withdrawal as we know. I don’t really have another option though so I’m terrified. Especially since my Lyme symptoms are basically all neurological at this point so I expect my herx reactions will only ramp up my anxiety ten-fold. 
 

Damned if I do and damned if I don’t. 
 

I’ve already had to start taking low dose naltrexone and other herbs/supplements for these issues. I will update my signature with this info when I get a moment. 
 

I pray now all the time and meditate on the idea of Christ light within. I have been feeling my body shutting down and working so hard to function correctly that I now know my spirituality is the most powerful tool I have. 
 

I hope all is well with everyone here fighting the good fight. Sending lots of love and light. ❤️

 

Paxil 2008 20mg 2016 40mg feb 21 2022  20mg, feb 28 0mg April 23 20mg April 24 40mg April 26 20mg April 27 10mg April 28 0mg May 7 10mg May 17 0mg

Duloxitine Feb. 21, ‘22-30mg feb 28 60mg March 14 0mg April 21. 30mg April 26 60mg April 28 30mg am/60mg pm May 7 60mg am currently still on

Lexapro 2022 April 14 5 mg April 18 10m

April 21 0mg

Trazodone April 24 50mg 

Currently on 60mg dulox and 50mg Trazadone 

taking hydroxyzine and xanax as needed

Link to comment
  • 4 weeks later...

@MaryMoo429

How are you doing? What’s the latest on your treatment? I’m praying for you! Sending you hugs and light. 
Nina

PREVIOUS

2018 Ativan 1mg Oct-Jan (CT), 2019 Effexor 75mg, Klonopin .25mg, Trazadone 75mg, Bridge to Prozac (?dose), 2020 Taper off all, 2021 Zoloft (?dose), Jan-May (CT @ Hospital), Remeron (?dose) Trazadone 75mg, Propanolol (?dose), Klonopin .50mg, Buspar (?dose),

2021 Prozac (?dose), Trazadone 75mg, Klonopin 2 times a day, 2021 August fast taper Trazadone  Prozac fast taper in August. August Lexapro 10mg

2022 January  Lexapro to 25mg, February FT to 10mg Lexapro over 6 weeks, Klonopin .25mg 2 times a day, May Effexor 35mg, June bridge from Effexor to 30mg Cymbalta. Held on Lexapro until November.

supplements  2023  Jan Probiotics stopped taking after two weeks ADR April 1k Iu Vitamin D W/ K stopped after a few days ADR. March 50mg Mag glycinate stopped after a week ADR

January 2023added an additional .25 mg Klonopin (.25 mg three times a day)

CURRENT

1/23-Present Klonopin .75mg divided into .25mg 3 times a day. 6:30am, 12:00pm, 6:30pm 

1/23Present Lexapro .101 mgpw - 8.08 mgai 8:00am

1/23-Present Estradiol .50mg 8:00am

1/23-Present 30mg Cymbalta 12:30pm

6/23 to present Holding no changes 7/4 reduced Lexapro to 7.92mg 7/31 7.84mg 8/7 7.76mg 7/14 7.60mg 10/1 7.44mg 10/28 7.36mg 2/1 7.12mg 2/14 7.04mg 3/5/24 6.88mg 3/12 6.80mg

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  • 2 weeks later...

Feeling any better @MaryMoo429?

Completely drug free 11/26/22 🎉

 

Supplements: Magnesium citrate: 250 mg; Fish oil: 1200 mg

 

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - Victor Frankl

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