Shellbell: not sure I can do this

[Shellbell]

Not sure if this is where I start as a new member?

anyway I’ve been through hell and back for the past 8 months. And need a place where I don’t feel so alone in my medication journey

[Erell]

Hello,

 

And welcome on SA. 

 

This site is run entirely by volunteer Administrators and Moderators, all have been through or going through withdrawal.

There are no commercial interests or influences  involved.

 

And yes, this is exactly where you can start as a new member : this your introduction topic where you can ask questions about your situation.

Feel free to meet other folks in their introduction threads : we are peer support community and glad to welcome you

 

And I'm really sorry for what you've been through. Unfortunately doctors don't seem to realise how powerful these drugs can be, and don't recognise withdrawal symptoms.

 

What are your current symptoms ?

 

Are you currently taking supplements ?

We don't recommend a lot of supplements on SA, but some people seem to find that magnesium and fish oil help.

See :

magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

And :

 

omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/

 

 

 

If you do try, please start one at a time and at low dose to see how it affects you.

 

Again, welcome  ☺

[Shellbell]

Thank you for letting me join. So it all started with cymbalta for back pain. Not depression. I didn’t know it was an antidepressant. I had a bad reaction three days after starting it. What I now know it was akathesia. Dr said it was anxiety and gave me lexapro. Again another bad reaction. So I got scared and decided to cleanse. Quitting vicodin after 5 years. Quitting alcohol and caffeine. When I stopped the vicodin all hell broke loose in my brain. Anxiety. Depression. Panic. It was hell. Over the next month I was given several meds to try and “help”. Buspar. Welbutrin. Lamictal. To name a few. Ended up settling on mirtazapine which never really helped. After taking for two months I tapered for 8 weeks then stopped. The withdrawal has been hell. Finally got a correct diagnosis of akathesia. So I have been going through this for 8 months now. I am currently med free. Tried klonopin for the akathesia and didn’t work. I’m currently only taking fish oil and magnesium as supplements. But I’ve tried CBD glycine. Also use melatonin for the insane insomnia. 
 

this is my hell story. I am praying the akathesia and anxiety go away. It’s the worst thing I’ve ever experienced. I even tried to take my life by taking a lot of pills. 
 

im looking for hope that after all this that my brain can heal. I haven’t been able to work or care for my son and it’s horrific 

 

thanks for listening 

[Altostrata]

Hello, Shellbell.

 

Yes, it seems you had an immediate severe adverse reaction to Cymbalta. We have a small group of people here who have had similar experiences, reacting to various drugs. Off the drug, they seem to have the same symptoms as protracted withdrawal syndrome, which like PWS, very slowly go away.

 

I am sorry you are experiencing akathisia. How has your symptom pattern changed in the last 2 weeks? 

 

How did you feel when you were taking clonazepam? Why did you go off?

[Shellbell]

Thank you for reaching out. I am really hoping my issues go away soon. Getting very hard to deal with every day. 
 

My symptoms these days are waking up early with extreme anxiety. My vision is cloudy and brain fog is a constant. I only sleep if I take melatonin. Not sure if this is causing issues or not. I’ve also tried glycine and cbd drops. I also take magnesium at night. Fish oil in the morning. 
 

i stopped the klonopin because I felt it was making me feel more depressed and it wasn’t helping the akathesia 

 

I just don’t know what to do anymore. Very hopeless these days

[Shellbell]

My akathesia is pretty bad these days. It’s affecting my vision as well. I’m horrified that I’m having to deal with this. It doesn’t feel like it’s ever going to end. Is there anyone who has suffered a long time with this that is now healed? I’m losing hope and just want to know there is a light at he end of the tunnel. I’ve tried cbd but think it made it worse. Just don’t know who or where to turn. I’m so miserable and mentally can’t stop the horrific thoughts. 

Edited March 1, 2021 by manymoretodays
merged series of posts from S and SC to members Introduction, starting with this one

[Onmyway]

Dear Shellbell, yes, there is an end to this tunnel! 

I see from your signature that you have made lots of changes to multiple psychiatric drugs in the last 9 months. This has seriously destabilised your nervous system. Akathisia is awful and I only had it briefly but it does get better. There are many members here who have recovered from it even after suffering for a long time. Have you you seen the success stories forum? In the worst of it helps to keep up the hope and hope is very important in this journey. It will get better. How long before it gets better we don't know for each person but it will get better.

 

If you haven't yet, look at the thread on insomnia as it does make everything else much worse. For me blackout curtains helped curb somewhat the morning terror awakenings. And earplugs.  have read about having soft music in the background while asleep. I didn't try that specifically but did follow sleep hypnosis tracks on Spotify for a while. The also hypnosis helped with falling asleep but not with the terror wakings.

 

Non-drug techniques for helping with emotional symptoms might help. Sometimes our emotions become so overwhelming it's hard to see a way forward. Some of these techniques will help at least a bit.

 

But in this journey it's important to remember that there is an end and things will get better. Your nervous system will figure it out. 

 

[shambambo]

                    Hello, I have been dealing with akathisia for a while as well and wanted to chime in.

                    I have been living with this for 5 months. It manifests as body vibrations and apocalyptic and unstable feelings and interrupts my sleep pattern greatly.

                    As a person living with this nonsense for a while, I can tell you first hand that it improves and resolves. My akathisia manifestations are ceasing quite rapidly to be honest. I have had this doom feeling and incredible adrenaline rushes for 5 months straight all day everyday, with body vibrations. However, as I said, I can feel I am healing every second. I used to feel vibrations everywhere in my body for example, now they are restricted to some areas, sometimes even completely gone. I never thought I would have serenity in my body ever again, it felt like a prison I wanted to escape continuously. For example, the days I live without akathisia are countable in days, not minutes anymore, for which I am thankful.

                  I took moderate amount of ADs for a year mark and I was polydrugged. I don't know how long it will take for me to get back to my old mindset really. I didn't believe once, but believe me, it eventually begins to fade away. With that said, I still have some shakiness and I still feel like a wreck, I have had a battle all this time and I haven't been doing any exercise for a year because I am away from everything and everyone at the moment, without motivation. Even a guy like me can see improvements with this much internal turmoil added to akathisia, I believe most can. Of course it depends on the individual as well.

                  Only thing I am doing right at this moment is that I emptied my mind and I don't stress myself for anything. I am not sure what else can make me feel worse than akathisia in this world anymore. Other than some bad illnesses, nothing in this world can fear me. Any maybe a gun directed in my face, who knows.

 

[Shellbell]

Thank you for the reassurance. I needed to hear that. Insomnia is brutal right now. I take melatonin every night. Sometimes I add Benadryl if it’s really bad. Not sure what else to take. I’m scared to take anything right now. The morning anxiety is really bad as well. But it pretty much lasts all day long. I hate life right now and pray it gets resolved soon 

[shambambo]

                            Almost every problem is solved in my case to be honest. What I am experiencing right now I call "leftovers". My akathisia, brain zaps, balance issues, shakiness, tremors, whatever they are,  they feel nothing like its former self. I still feel bad, I feel like I have been through hell. My mindset has changed dramatically. No way I will be a same person. I used to care too much before, now I really don't give a damn. All I know is, there is always something worse, even something like akathisia. Consider yourself lucky at this instant, althought any type of it is unbearable. Let's say it is strong enough to throw us out of our orbit mindfully and physically as well. I have had chronic fatigue prior to this, now I know it is due to stress accumulated all this time. I cut the stress, never felt better for the last 10 years. I could sleep without insomnia, would wake up like I never slept and this happened for years. I have drug induced insomnia, or akathisia related insomnia, I sleep for 3 hours, but I wake up refreshed. Antidepressant withdrawal is truly a personal life changing experience, it is best to use it wisely. I assure you, when akathisia is over, your view of life and behaviour are going to change positively. My advice is, don't look for your old self and even though you are suffering, consider yourself extremely lucky. There are people who think flu is the worst thing in this world. I can easily say antidepressant withdrawal forcefully turned me into a more mature person.

                          I don't take anything other than fish oil and vitamin d. Even bitter chocolate impacts me. I gave me bunch of migraine headache and skyrocketed my akathisia. A chocolate bar, set me off. What more evidence do I need to say I was really bad and it was 100% drug induced?. Only water felt safe for 8 months. But it is way better at the moment. I know I can eat chocolate at the moment, I just don't want to. You will be way better at the end of this charade, physically and mindfully.

[Shellbell]

Things have been bad for 8 months. Everyday feeling worse and worse. I honestly not sure how much longer I can make it. The inner doom feeling. Akathesia is horrid every day. I’m drowning further and further. Feel like things will never get better. Hopeless and discouraged. And also so angry this happened to me. Never had depression or anxiety before I was given an antidepressant for back pain. Why would any dr prescribe this. Wish I never even complained of stupid back pain. Was doing just fine 8 months ago. Now my life is a **** storm. 
 

sorry. Just needed to vent a little I guess. I’m just feeling so discouraged, angry and confused 

[Shellbell]

Does the inner and mental akathesia ever go away? It’s so debilitating. And insomnia as well. I’ve tried Benadryl and OTC sleep aid and seems like it might make it worse. Melatonin only gives me a couple hours. I’m worried this isn’t ever going away

[Altostrata]

On 2/25/2021 at 8:50 AM, Shellbell said:

I only sleep if I take melatonin.

 

This is good. A couple of hours is a good starting point. Your symptoms should very slowly fade. But we need to know more about clonazepam.

 

You may wish to strengthen your sleep with these tips:

 

What is the sleep cycle?

 

Waking with panic or anxiety -- managing the morning cortisol spike

 

Tips to help sleep -- so many of us have that awful withdrawal insomnia

 

Path to Better Sleep FREE online for everyone from the US Veterans Administration

 

Music for self-care: Calms hyperalertness, anxiety, aids relaxation and sleep

 

White noise devices for sleep

 

Melatonin for sleep: Many people find it helpful

 

TV or computer use in evening can disrupt sleep: Bright light signals the brain that it's daytime

[Shellbell]

Alto what is needed to be know about the clonazepam? I took it for sleep for over 2 months. Didn’t want to be on a benzo so tapered off.  My akathesia seems to be from coming off Vicodin which I’ve never heard of happening. 
just hoping it’s not forever 

[Rosetta]

Aka will go away.  It may come back and go over and over.  It will also lessen in intensity.  It may get worse again then lessen again.  It follows the pattern of the other symptoms - waves and windows.

 

Yes, it’s horrible.  Unbelievably horrible.  I’m not sure anyone who has never had it could ever understand.  It is not “anxiety.”  It is not “fear.”  There are no words that truly describe it.  You have to distract from it.  I found heat to help - showers, baths, heating pads, sitting on warm concrete in the sun.  

Getting a massage on my legs helped a lot.  It distracted me from aka and replaced the restless legs feeling with another sensation.  After the massage, aka raged again, but at least I had some time of relief from it.  
 

I read books, watched Netflix, took walks.  Taking walks every day will help.  Get out in nature where birds can hold your attention for a moment here, a moment there.  It is all about getting moments of relief by having your mind diverted from what you are feeling.  Maybe video games would have helped me, but I never tried those.  They might have increased the agitation, too, but it’s worth a try.

 

There are many, many people on this site who know exactly what you are going through.  It is real.  Hang in there.  I no longer have terror.  The worst part is over.  It will be for you, too, someday.  Don’t lose hope.

 

Rosetta

[Shellbell]

Thank you very much for your response. It’s helpful to talk with someone who knows how I feel!! I just wish this wasn’t happening and want it all behind me. Feels like it’s never going to end

[Shellbell]

It’s been a couple months since I’ve reached out. I’m going through some severe symptoms still. It’s been so long now I feel like I can’t survive this anymore. Akathesia. Depression. Anxiety. Insomnia. Blurry vision. Skin feels warm which is weird. I honestly have seriously considered taking my life. Now I am getting ready for surgery in two weeks. So my anxiety is through the roof.  Especially since I have quit smoking. 
 

please. Is there relief heading for me? I can’t eat. Sleep. Focus. Life is just hell

[Shellbell]

I am not getting any relief 

[Katy398]

All I can say is just take it moment by moment. Distract yourself if you can. Netflix, epsom salt bath. Wet cold facecloth. Anything to get you through those moments. It’s so tough,  I know all too well but hang on there. You’ll get through. X

[Shellbell]

I don’t think I can get through this

[Katy398]

Shellbell, it’s so tough, I really feel for you. Terrible as it may sound but it is actually very common to feel this way I have been there just this week. It does shift a little with distractions. I suddenly realise a few hours have gone by. Can you find one thing to distract you during the most intense times. I play sudoku,  and use a cold facecloth at the most intense times, it seems to shock my body out of it for a while. anything to take you away from the intense feelings. Hang on in there Shell, it will change. Please believe meX🧡

[Shellbell]

I honestly don’t feel like I will ever get better. It’s been a year

[Katy398]

I often feel like this. Our brain seems to make us believe this in the thick of a wave. Little by little I look back and see a little bit of progress from this time last year. We just have to be there to help each other along the way.

I find it so sad that the medical profession can’t help and the sick have to support the sick, but that’s the way it is for the time being. There is lots of change happening in the background but in the meantime we must put our heads down and get on with putting one step in front of the other. ShellBell I know it’s so hard. It’s my family that make me put one one step in front of the other. If I can do this you can x

[Shellbell]

Thank you so much for talking to me. It means a lot. I feel so alone and horrible. 

[ThatOneGirlStitch]

Hi @ShellbellChecking in. How are you?

[Shellbell]

@ThatOneGirlStitch

to be honest I’m not doing well at all. The panic and depression are horrible 

I took vicodin for a week and I think it set me back. I was doing better. Today I feel horrible 

[ChessieCat]

1 hour ago, Shellbell said:

I took vicodin for a week and I think it set me back.

 

Q:  When did you take this?  Please add the drug and dates to your signature.

 

If it was recently, then yes, it could possibly be causing an increase in your symptoms.

[Shellbell]

@ChessieCat

will this make me start all over by taking different meds?

[ThatOneGirlStitch]

On 12/7/2021 at 8:59 AM, Shellbell said:

will this make me start all over by taking different meds?

I’m sorry you suffered such a setback. I also got hit by one and they are demoralizing. I’ve read about people coming back from them. I am in the early stage of WD myself.

[Shellbell]

Just wanted to post one last time. Good luck to everyone. Hope you all are ok. 
 

this will be my last post. I’m leaving now. Thank you to everyone and I wish you all the best

[ThatOneGirlStitch]

Please Please take care of yourself. Remember you are always welcome back

[Shellbell]

Good luck to you

i just can’t do this anymore 

I just can’t 

[Shep]

Quote

 

temezapam prn 

sonata sleeping pill. Prn 

 

 

@ShellbellThis is in your signature. Are you still taking these sedatives? If not, when did you stop? 

 

[Shellbell]

@Shep

 

I stopped in for a second and saw your message. I am leaving very soon but I wanted to respond to you

I was taking the temezapam maybe 5 times over 2 months. Stopped one week ago

I took Sonata about 5 times and stopped a month ago

it isn't really any use. This has been dragging on for almost two years now. There just isn't any help anymore. But I appreciate you reaching out

[JesusSavemefromWD]

You have to keep fighting for the people who love you. That’s what I do day after day …. It cannot last for ever 

[Believer]

You must keep going, hard as it is. One day at a time, one minute at a time, even one second at a time. Please, don’t give up hope. Your loved ones need you. 
 

Prayers for you Shellbell, keep holding on.

 

Believer ❤️