Hms123: Wondering how stupid my taper was

[Hms123]

Hi there,

 

Took zoloft for approximately 6 months in total. Since quitting I've dealt with complete lack of libido, and pleasureless orgasms, as well as anhedonia that is particularly pronounced when it comes to family and friends. I also have next to no anxiety which I suffered with my whole life prior to Zoloft. 

 

I was just wondering how stupid I was to taper as I did: 50mg for 10-12 weeks, 25mg for 4 weeks, 25 every other day for 3-4 weeks, and then 25mg twice a week for 6 weeks or so. After reading what I've read on forums I would imagine that the 6-8 weeks of zoloft twice a week would have basically have been like going on and off multiple times, and has probably permanently ruined my brain. I thought I was being safe...

 

 

Edited March 2, 2021 by Gridley

[Gridley]

Welcome to SA, Hms123.

 

To give members the best information, we ask them to summarize their medication history in a signature -- drugs, doses, dates, and discontinuations & reinstatements, in the last 12-24 months particularly.

 

Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature.

 

Most if not all of us have made mistakes with our tapers, and it's been our experience on this site that we all heal regardless. It can be a slow, frustrating process but it does happen.  So don't kick yourself.   It's great that you're off the Zoloft and that you're not feeling anxiety.

 

Just for your information, we recommend tapering no faster than 10% of your current dose every 4 weeks.  We never recommend skipping doses as this is hard on your nervous system.  But what's done is done, you're off the drug, and your brain is well into the healing process.

 

Your taper was faster than we recommend, which would account for the withdrawal symptoms you describe, all of which are typical and all of which will heal over time.  The damage is not permanent.

 

So that you have a better idea of what you're experiencing, here is some information on withdrawal and the healing process.

 

What is withdrawal syndrome.

 

Daily Checklist of Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms (PDF) 

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

When we take psychiatric medications, the CNS (central nervous system) responds by making changes over the months and years we take the drug(s). When the medication is discontinued, the CNS has to undo all the changes it made. Rebuilding the neurotransmitter production and reactivating the receptor and transporter cells takes time -- during that rebuilding process symptoms occur.  

 

These explain the healing process really well.

 

Brain Remodelling 

 

Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

We don't recommend a lot of supplements on SA, as many members report being sensitive to them due to our over-reactive nervous systems, but two supplements that we do recommend are magnesium and omega 3 (fish oil). Many people find these to be calming to the nervous system. 

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker 

 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) 

 

Add in one at a time and at a low dose in case you do experience problems. Get supplements that ae single ingredient (not mixed with other types of supplements).

 

This is your Introduction topic, where you can complete your drug signature, ask questions and connect with other members.  We're glad you found your way here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited March 2, 2021 by Gridley

[Hms123]

Thank you for the response. I'm worrying that I won't get better as I've read stories of those who conducted much better tapers than I, never recovering while I jumped on and off thinking I was safe. It seems like I couldn't have gone off them in a worse fashion...

[Gridley]

42 minutes ago, Hms123 said:

It seems like I couldn't have gone off them in a worse fashion...

 

I wouldn't worry about this or compare yourself with others.  Unlike many (myself included) you're only dealing with one drug and that's a big advantage.  You will do fine.

[DaBro]

Hi @Hms123 My Zoloft taper was similar to yours but I went about twice as fast. I had some libido issues and anhedonia along with multiple other WD symptoms.

 

Most of my symptoms have been and gone, including the libido and anhedonia and I’m sure will for you too. It’s not permanent damage but it is a long journey. You will be fine. Be kind and patient. 

[Hms123]

@Gridleyand @DaBro, thank you for your replies.

 

I have not felt love, excitement etc for almost 2 years now. After finding this website recently I had finally gotten into a positive mindset, and was hopeful that I would heal over the coming years. However, it now appears that I am also facing a probable diagnosis of MS. 

 

I know that nobody here is a doctor on this forum, but if it were the case that I have MS, and thus have no choice but to take medication to hopefully stop its spread, would that foreclose any sort of emotional recovery? As you can imagine I'm losing hope here.

[Gridley]

22 minutes ago, Hms123 said:

thus have no choice but to take medication to hopefully stop its spread, would that foreclose any sort of emotional recovery?

I'm sorry about your diagnosis.  I don't know what medication you'll need to take, but I see no reason to think it would in any way foreclose your emotional recovery.  

[Hms123]

My worry is that if mere antibiotics cause problems for people recovering, if I'm taking arguably heavier medications for a disease of the CNS, I'll be enclosed in this anhedonic tomb for ever. Is there anyone on this forum familiar with multiple sclerosis medications?

[Hms123]

My neurologist has prescribed me Pregabalin for my nerve pain. I imagine I can't take this if I want to recover?

[Hms123]

In August it will be two years since my withdrawal issues started and I've not had one window. Is this common? I'm starting to think that I'll end up like those on the pssdforum still suffering 15 years later. For me, the most concerning issue is the inability to feel love, or warmth for others. This was the defining feature of my personality, and so to not feel anything towards friends or family just eats away at me day by day. I feel completely hollowed out and there have been no moments of reprieve.

[Hms123]

I can't think of anything else outside of my PSSD/Anhedonia. I only took those pills in such a hap-hazard way twice a week as I was playing for my university football team twice a week, and I would have panic attacks on the pitch as my dad abused me as a kid and used to come to matches when I was younger and shout at me from the sidelines. I can't believe I was so stupid to withdraw like that and now its completely ruined my life.

[Yersinia]

I'm so sorry @Hms123 that you are in so much pain.  I'm no expert but I know the brain is very dynamic and resilient.  For example, there's a man named Howard Dully who was given a lobotomy at 12-years-old and went on to live a normal life.  He wrote a book about it:

 

https://www.amazon.com/My-Lobotomy-Memoir-Howard-Dully/dp/0307381277

 

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (and other therapies) have had success treating anhedonia.   I suspect you will be able to relearn how to take pleasure in life, if it doesn't come back to you soon on it's own.  Please don't let Zoloft take it from you permanently.  

[Hms123]

Thank you for your message @Yersinia. I feel like this ordeal has broken my will and spirit but'll hold on for a bit longer. I hope your reinstatement goes well ❤️. 

[Yersinia]

Hey - I just stumbled across this post and thought I'd pass it along:

 

 

[ThatOneGirlStitch]

On 9/22/2021 at 3:58 PM, Hms123 said:

I know of a number of people that saw improvements years later (even as much as 15

It’s possible?! Did they slowly improve or did improvements not hit them until 15 years? Is it possible to give more insight? Thank you