Nugget97: Please help I need reassurance -lexapro withdrawal

[Nugget97]

Hi all,

 

I have been a lurker on this forum for a while and I think it’s finally time I tell my story as I’m started to get very scared. 
 

I underwent gallbladder surgery in October 2020. I always was an over thinker and an anxious person but it never affected my life. I started to develop a little bit of health anxiety due to the surgery and I also found out from having gallstones that I had an ovarian cyst (it eventually went) so I became stressed about my health. My surgery went really well but I was stressed about blood clots afterwards etc. And I noticed I developed shortness of breath. At first I thought it was from the surgery and it went away about a week later. It then came back again (after I convinced myself that my cyst had returned) and I started to panic thinking something was truly wrong. After a trip to the GP and then to hospital to undergo tests I was told it was anxiety. I actually didn’t believe it at the time as I have never experienced any sort of physical symptoms associated with anxiety. I had asked my doctor for a Xanax to test this theory but instead she prescribed me lexapro 10mg for a month. I took the prescription but decided I wouldn’t take it just yet. However over the weekend I became so fixated on my SOB that I couldn’t leave the house and started to get really sad panicked about it not going. I decided I would start taking lexapro. Looking back I wish I had never even taken that step but little did I know what would happen. 
 

the first two days I was a complete zombie and my mam told me to cut the pill in half to 5mg. So for 6 weeks I was on 5mg. I had the first week of horrible flu like symptoms but a week in I got the worst heightened anxiety. My time on lexapro was absolutely horrendous (with the odd few days of feeling great from time to time) and I kept sticking it out to the 6 week mark as I kept telling myself and reading things that suggested that i just needed to adjust to it. I ended up getting depressive crying episodes on it and I just said enough is enough. My SOB actually did go but that was after I found out my cyst was completely gone and I had nothing to worry about. 
 

I went to my gp and see agreed i quit and told me to drop to 2.5mg for 2 weeks. Because I had 2 weeks off work and I knew I would have some sort of withdrawals I quit a little earlier after 10 days. Looking back I should have quit more slowly but I just thought I had only been on them 6 weeks. 
 

the first 2 days off were fine. I felt no different. Then the feeling of on edge hit and feeling so nervous. This feeling of heightened anxiety I had experienced  throughout taking lexapro. The first 2 weeks were awful and I felt very depressed. The next week it got better and then I hit a slump again. Some symptoms have come and gone, some have lingered. I now know what’s been happening is the waves and windows. My windows recently had been a lot better from my symptoms becoming manageable to feeling nearly 100% with the odd symptom here or there. Recently because my windows had been so great I thought I was getting out of it. The past few days I am having a wave. The thing about this wave is mentally I’m just exhausted. The past few weeks in my waves I was still rational and had hope and even when I was crying in despair it would only be for a few minutes and I’d be back to being rational. This time I’m having negative thoughts about never getting better and scared and really fearful for my future ( job, losing people). I wouldn't say I am suicidal but sometimes I have scary thoughts about not being able to get through the days or overcome this. Now I feel like it’s consuming me and I just need some reassurance. I’m scared that maybe it’s not withdrawal and that maybe its just me and I need to get help for it before it gets worse. I feel like I can’t reinstate because I was never myself on this drug and I fear it is the cause behind all of this. I am going to CBT and she has suggested that between the trauma of surgery and adverse affects from getting on lex and coming off of it my whole nervous system is oversensitised which would make sense I guess. 
 

basically my symptoms right now are tingling arms and shoulders, jolts at night where I am about to fall sleep and get jolted  awake, negative thoughts, pins and needles in my legs and feet, thumping heart and the worst one is this deep emotional sadness in my chest that becomes so overwhelming that I end up having crying spells. The sadness and the constant crying spells are the worst and with that comes the negative thoughts. Im just so scared that I won’t be able to get though this. I was only on lexapro for 6 weeks for crying out loud and at such a low dose. I literally looking back didn’t even need it. I was never this type of person before lexapro. I was such a happy person. I had never experienced depression. EVER. None of the symptoms I have now I ever had before lex. I just feel like it’s never ending. I just want my life back and to stop crying. I haven’t felt fully myself consistently since my surgery back at the beginning of October. I am now coming up to 3 months off. 
 

any success stories are most welcome. 

[getofflex]

Hello, and welcome to SA.  We are a peer run forum of people who are getting off or have gotten off psychiatric meds. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this.  It sounds like you had an adverse reaction to the Lexapro.  It has thrown your nervous system out of whack. Your CBT therapist is correct in saying that your nervous system has been sensitized.  The good news is, you can and will recover and heal. Going through this process will give you a patience and inner strength that will serve you well for the rest of your life.  Thankfully, you were only on the drug a short time, and only on half a dose.   

 

Can you please give us specific information about your drug history?  Please read the link below for instructions.  This will allow us to give you the best guidance.  

 

How to List Drug History in Signature

 

This link talks about how some people have an adverse reaction to antidepressants. 

 

Adverse Reactions to Antidepressants

 

Here is some information about how these drugs actually work.  

 

How Psychiatric Drugs Remodel Your Brain

 

When we recover, there are times of feeling OK mixed in with times of feeling bad.  This is called waves and windows.  

 

Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

Here are some techniques to cope with symptoms: 

 

Non Drug Ways to Cope with Withdrawal Symptoms

 

I understand the feeling of intense sadness and crying spells.  This, too, is caused by the Lexapro, and it will improve in time.  
Neuro Emotions

 

We don't suggest many supplements, but 3 that we do find helpful are magnesium, omega-3, and melatonin. Here are the links for info about those. 

 

Magnesium

Omega 3 Fish Oil

Melatonin

 

 

I've given you quite a bit of information here.  Please read through it, and mull it over, and we will take it from there. In the meantime, take care of yourself, and take heart.  We in this forum have been through this, and we understand first hand the pain and discomfort you are going through.  Please know that the brain is amazing in it's healing abilities.  It takes time, but healing can and will happen. 

 

Edited March 12, 2021 by getofflex

[Nugget97]

Thank you so much for your reply @getofflex really appreciate it! I will look into all the things you sent for me and I have updated my signature there! I think the Past few days have been just a really bad wave when i genuinely thought I was getting out of this. I guess that’s what windows and waves are it’s so dibilitating thinking you are 95 % healed and I’m back down to what I was like just two weeks out! 
 

the scariest symptom is the sadness and wanting to cry all the time In particular the negative and scary thoughts that come with it. I keep thinking back to my old self and it gets me so sad to think about how happy I was before taking these. It just angers me because looking back all I needed was breathing techniques and CBT for my SOB and my doctor was so quick to prescribe me this assuring me there was no side effects and it was easy to get off! I just feel so stupid for taking it. Little did I know the pain I would go through. I can deal with the physical symptoms but it’s just the emotional and mental side of things. Sometimes I feel like I can’t get through the days and I loose all hope. 

so what you are saying is the depression side of things like crying and negative thoughts are perfectly normal for withdrawal? My mom thinks it may be hormonal from my mirena coil and that my surgery or going under anaesthetic affected my hormones somehow so I’m getting a hormonal test tomorrow. 
 

it just doesn’t seem fair, I know I’m not alone and so many people are going through this too but it’s just the fact I was only on them 6 weeks at such a low dose. For someone who was just short of breath I now have so many symptoms including depression which I have never experienced ever before, it’s just not fair and I’m so angry and upset  

 

thank you so much for your tips. I really hope I don’t get any worse and il get better and recover very soon! 

[getofflex]

@Nugget97I understand how discouraging those waves can be after we feel better.  I've been there done that.  It sounds like your emotions are a blend of neuro emotions caused by the drug, and genuine valid emotions of being sad and angry about what the drug did to you. These doctors rely too much on psych drugs.  It's so easy for them to just write out a prescription.   Yes, the depression and crying are a normal part of withdrawal.  See the link above on neuro emotions.  

 

I don't believe that you will get any worse.  Even with windows and waves, the overall trend is a gradual improvement.  I think the doctors overdo it and try to kill a mosquito with a shotgun so to speak.  These drugs are way overused.  Keep looking through the links that I gave you - there is a lot of information in there.  Keep us posted.  

[Nugget97]

Hey, thanks again for replying. Yeah that all makes sense but as I put it to so many people, A crystal ball could show me back to normal at 6 months out and I’d still be doubting myself if I am permanently damaged, I guess it’s just who I am. I went to the doctors and got my hormones tested, they all came back okay! My doctor actually confirmed with me that this is withdrawal and it will pass which is good that she acknowledged that this was a thing and that I didn’t just need more meds to fix it! She didn’t seem worried at all and said this was a natural response from my out of whack nervous system! I just need to ride it Out! Hope everyone is doing okay xx

[getofflex]

@nugget97 I'm glad that your tests for hormones came back good.  It sounds like your doctor gave you good advice.  I know it sucks that you have to go through this.  It may take some time for your nervous system to sort itself out, because it is so complex and multi-faceted.  Hang in there, it gets better. 

[Nugget97]

Hey @getofflex I’m just wondering about a certain symptom that has arose in the past week or so. I THINK it might be depersonalisation from what I have gathered but just wanted to be sure that it is and that it’s just a normal part of withdrawal. It’s definitely become more prominent in the last couple of days so I’ve gotten just a little bit worried about it!
 

Basically I feel like I’m in my own little world/bubble. I feel so distant from everyone and the world around me. It’s so hard to explain but it feels like my life isn’t really real if you get me? Like sometimes I stop and think is this really my life. Things seem quite fuzzy and it sort of reminds me of when I have a couple of drinks and I feel tipsy and not completely aware. Is this depersonalisation? And is it normal? 
 

thanks 

[Nugget97]

@getofflex sorry I actually meant derealisation. I often get confused between the two. I looked it up and I think it sounds more like derealisation like dissociation from the world if that’s correct? Is it normal to have it suddenly come on 3 months out? Or do people usually get it from the very start of withdrawal? I find my deep sadness and crying has gotten a lot better and this has nearly replaced it? Is this normal? I just don’t want to permanently have this. 

[getofflex]

@nugget97 it does sound like derealization to me.  And yes, this is a classic sign of antidepressant withdrawal.  I experienced this a lot myself.  This explains more: 

 

Derealization or Depersonalization

 

I'm very happy to hear that the sadness and crying has improved.  Do you have any other symptoms? 

 

Oftentimes symptoms don't show up right away and are delayed.  This WD is a strange thing.  Part of this could be the windows and waves pattern. The link in my first post can help you understand that.  

 

I don't believe that this will be permanent.  The brain has strong healing abilities, even if healing is slow and gradual.  Hang in there, and take care of yourself. 

[Nugget97]

Thank you so much for your prompt reply @getofflex you have really put my mind at ease! The fact that other symptoms in the past have gradually gone really reassures me. Don’t get me wrong I would rather have derealisation than the crying sadness depressive episodes I got but at the same time this isn’t me and obviously want it to go. Withdrawal is so weird isn’t it I find that one symptom replaces another it’s so mad! I do believe that I will heal and recover as I am now seeing improvements but like most people I presume, there is always that ningling doubt.I just have to be rational and realise that this wasn’t be before the drugs. I think the only reason I got a little spooked was because this is a very new symptom that I haven’t experienced before and I’m 3 months out but now I know that classic withdrawal symptoms don’t have to be there from the very start. I read one negative comment from someone that wasn’t even a medical professional that stated that depersonalisation/derealisation might be there for good and it out my mind in a head spin. That’s the way my mind works though I’ve read countless accounts of people saying that symptom improved and left and that one comment (where most likely the person in question will eventually recover from it) was the only one I focused on. I think it’s just a scary time but I’m definitely looking at things a lot more positive! 
 

As for the symptoms I have now to answer your question, apart from the derealisation as of right now I just have a bit of tingling in my arms and spine/shoulder. The odd time I still feel overly emotional like lump in my throat (not to the point of crying though) but the deep sadness in my chest has disappeared. To be fair I’ve only felt like this the last couple of days as in I’ve only noticed the derealisation take over the last two days and the sadness dissipate but things have improved! 
 

I presume your derealisation went? Do you still have any lingering symptoms yourself? Hope you are doing well! 

[Edmunds]

I feel deeply for you. I’ve had periods of months or years of DR since age 19. I’m now 79. These protracted episodes usually occurred without much anxiety, and the DR went completely away multiple times. So we know it can disappear!  The hard part is that doctors had no idea how to explain my feelings, so they just told me I was depressed and needed ADs. I was free of DR for many years while taking Prozac, though looking back now with what I’ve learned from SA, I believe I might have stayed well without the Prozac. But my psychs of course told me to stay on it.
 

The DR returned along with troublesome anxiety in 2013 despite the Prozac. And from then the doctors led me on a merry chase from one med to another. While I was on Effexor and Wellbutrin 2017-May 2019, I got quite a bit better, the DR backing off to the point where my wife and I traveled several times. But in May 2019 I told my psych I wanted to try Prozac again in place of both Effexor and Wellbutrin to see if that might relieve me of the DR altogether again.

 

That’s when things went south. Very tough WD from the two drugs, which the doctor had me stop in 3 weeks each. Should I have stayed on the Effexor and Wellbutrin? No, because I had no clue from the doc or my therapist what I would go through when I went off. And when they stopped working eventually, I would face WD at a perhaps much older age than I am now. The anxiety and DR plus other symptoms got much worse, though fortunately I discovered SA. In January 2020 I started the taper off Prozac. I’m now at 2 mg and holding. The DR and anxiety, which are part and parcel, have been really tough recently, but this is all withdrawal. I’m confident that once I get on the road to recovery, both the anxiety and DR will ease up. I can then also put more effort into non drug treatment of DR—CBT especially, though I’m currently working with a psychotherapist, a somatic experiencing practitioner, and an integrative psychiatrist, none of them on my health plan!! If you want to talk more about the DR experience, please message me. 

 

[Nugget97]

Hey @Edmunds thank you telling your story. I’m also sorry that you have suffered for such a long time, I hope you are feeling a lot better now and more like yourself. Healing eventually comes to us all.  Thank you for the reassurance that this derealisation will go, it’s quite a weird and scary symptom nothing like I have ever experienced before but I guess I just have to wait it out. It’s a very hard symptom to explain to my loved ones and it sort of makes you feel quite alone so it’s nice to know that it’s normal during withdrawal and that I’m not alone - as selfish as that sounds. It’s weird but now that I have it I keep thinking did I have this always and it just wasn’t as prominent when in fact I know I didn’t have it before I just can’t remember how I felt before it. It’s so crazy and my brain fog is so insane too, I can’t remember much from the day before when before my memory was amazing! I also find at night it gets worse like I was out for a walk tonight and things just seemed so unreal and fuzzy, like I had had a few drinks and was fearless, very unreal! I presume you know all of this already though and I hope you continue to successful wean off the meds with little to no withdrawal! 

[Nugget97]

Just thought I’d give an update! 
 

the derealisation is still there but not as bothersome as recently I have developed a new symptom, intrusive thoughts. At first I wasn’t sure if it was a symptom and it was just me going mad but recently I have had these thoughts like “what if” thoughts. Like I was watching a show the other day and this man was mentally ill and he started shooting at people and I thought “what if I get that mentally unstable?” Or if I was given a gun would my mind convince me to do things I wouldn’t want to do” “would I pull the trigger” it got me so frightened that I was even thinking that way! More recently though it’s been more of “this isn’t me I don’t feel like myself do I even want to live?” I don’t have suicidal thoughts per se but the thoughts pop into my head of how unhappy I am right now with all these symptoms and I feel like I’m going crazy and I’m scared that my mind will convince me to jump in a river or something. Please tell me this is normal. As a hypochondriac I 100 % do not want to die like I’m the complete opposite and I’ve never had thoughts like this before and it’s just really scary. I just don’t feel really happy or like myself and I know it will take time but when I’m mentally not present or clear I get these thoughts in my head. My boyfriend stayed with me for a couple of days just there and he’s going home tomorrow and I’m here in bits crying over not having him here for the next few days with me or sleeping beside me. Frankly I’m just very scared for the thoughts that are popping into my head right now. Please can I have some reassurance. 

[getofflex]

Hello @Nugget97.  I want to reassure you that intrusive thoughts and negative thoughts are classical symptoms of withdrawal. All these painful symptoms are scary, and can create anxiety in us.  I have had experiences similar to yours, and I still do at times. It may help you to read some of the success stories in this forum.  Here is a link where other people in WD talk about this:  

 

Intrusive Thoughts, Rumination, etc.

 

A good coping technique for this is called changing the channel.  Here is an explanation of it: 

 

Change the Channel

 

Please be reassured that this is a typical symptom of drug withdrawal.  I've dealt with it a lot myself.  It gradually decreases with time.  It is a sign that our nervous systems are healing from these psych drugs.  Hang in there, it gets better!  😃

[Edmunds]

55 minutes ago, getofflex said:

 

Hi again @Nugget97. I had a very bad experience this past Thursday that sent my anxiety soaring (maybe a little better today), so bad that I found myself thinking, not that I wanted to kill myself, but that I just didn't want to be alive or at least conscious. I've also thought of how "fine" it would be to get back on the meds, whatever they might be. I think about that a great deal. And I've had thoughts like this at other times of visceral, physical anxiety. Thankfully, we are both aware that these dark thoughts are so common in withdrawal. I know what you are thinking and feeling, and we share the experience of DP/DR. Yes, change the channel if you can. I'm sorry your boyfriend can't be with you all the time. I'm glad to hear you are not utterly alone, as some member are. My wife and I have been married going on 52 years, and she is my rock in this adversity

[Nugget97]

Thank you again for the reassurance @getofflex you really have been so helpful and I really appreciate it! I know I have improved so much in the past 3 months but this new symptom because it’s mental it’s just so scary and it’s trying to convince me that this is me now and not withdrawal so your reassurance that it is really helps. You mentioning that it means my nervous system is healing has really helped me to hear that! I am just so excited to get through this and back to normal, I actually find it hard to remember what I was like before this which is a bit scary because it’s been so long! I am functioning which is good I.e going to work going for walks meeting up with people so technically I am in a window you could say but just finding some new symptoms popping up that are in the back of my mind keeping me from feeling myself! Il get there though and il keep checking in! Thanks for sending me on the links really appreciate it! You mentioned you had intrusive thoughts still from time to time? How long did you have them bad for? 
 

all the best! 

[Nugget97]

So lovely to hear from you again @Edmunds how did the surgery go may ask? I hope it went all fine! Might your anxiety have to do with that surgery? I’m sorry to hear you had a bad day and that you are also experiencing those intrusive negative thoughts. But I’m glad to be reassured that this is all Normal in withdrawal as I have never experienced most of these symptoms before ever and I feel like if people heard me they would think I’m insane! Awh congratulations on such a long happy marriage, I hope to achieve that one day! It’s so important to have people around you for this and I honestly don’t know what I would have done without the people in my life mostly my boyfriend and mom! I have been with my boyfriend 5 years now and he’s also been my rock I feel so safe with him but because we are still only in our early twenties we still live with our parents so eventually he has to leave or I have to leave. I just have to keep telling myself that I’m only 3 months out and this is all very normal but it’s just such a terrifying experience especially when I have only been on anti anxiety meds 2 months but we will get there! 
 

all the best 

[Edmunds]

Good to have your reply. You're in Ireland, right? My wife and I are watching a series on Acorn TV titled The South Westerlies, set in County Cork. Low level village characters and politics, but just right when one is in withdrawal and not up for loud or violent fare.

 

My bad day was in fact the surgery day. The operation never took place, though little to do with my actions. The anesthesiologist did not read an EKG report for me until right before the surgery was about to start. He didn't like what it said about my heart and refused to allow the operation to proceed. It was an outpatient procedure on the muscles next to my eyes but still required general anesthesia. My cardiologist would no doubt have cleared up the confusion, but it was too late for that. So I was ready for this 1 hour operation and ended up having to leave the bed and go home. I was terribly upset, and it certainly affected my CNS. Happily, today, Sunday, the anxiety has receded more than even before the surgery fiasco. I'm really quite surprised, but this is how windows happen, right? I'm still heavily derealized, but I'll take that for today. So good to hear you have close family. I hope they all understand what it is you are going through.

[Nugget97]

Yes I am indeed in Ireland, east of the country just above Dublin, haven’t heard of the show though but will look into it! I agree with what you said though about not watching anything violent/intense/scary, I find that usually I wouldn’t be too into those types of movies anyway but recently if my boyfriend wanted to watch something a bit dark I would have to say no and I mostly try go for light humoured shows/movies. I think it’s just because withdrawal is so intense already. 

that is very frustrating about your surgery being postponed I’m sorry to hear that it caused you unnecessary stress and anxiety. I hope it’s rescheduled and sorted for you soon! Yes it’s so Incredible how you can be so down and feeling hopeless one minute and think it will never go and in a couple of days things seem much brighter and more normal. I thankfully haven’t had a bad wave in over 2 weeks which is the longest window I have had so far but when I say window I still have symptoms lingering and have the odd tiny wave within them that lasts maybe an hour and then I go back to feeling okay and functional. A couple of weeks back I had windows where for an hour or so I would be 100 % back to myself so I’m hoping that comes around again. I suppose I’m lucky that I’m not in a bad wave but there comes a point where I am like yes I’m in a window but I still have these damn symptoms lingering and upsetting me, it’s like I can’t escape them, it’s just very frustrating sometimes but that is withdrawal. Glad to know you are also in a window now. 
 

yes thankfully they all are so understanding. Nobody as well as myself knew that withdrawal this far out was a thing but thankfully even my doctor agrees that this is normal and that I will get through it. 

 

[Kahigg]

On 3/28/2021 at 3:52 PM, getofflex said:

Hello @Nugget97.  I want to reassure you that intrusive thoughts and negative thoughts are classical symptoms of withdrawal. All these painful symptoms are scary, and can create anxiety in us.  I have had experiences similar to yours, and I still do at times. It may help you to read some of the success stories in this forum.  Here is a link where other people in WD talk about this:  

 

Intrusive Thoughts, Rumination, etc.

 

A good coping technique for this is called changing the channel.  Here is an explanation of it: 

 

Change the Channel

 

Please be reassured that this is a typical symptom of drug withdrawal.  I've dealt with it a lot myself.  It gradually decreases with time.  It is a sign that our nervous systems are healing from these psych drugs.  Hang in there, it gets better!  😃

@getofflex I apologize if I missed it somewhere but with intrusive thoughts being a withdrawal symptoms, is it possible to have this occur from sertraline when rapidly changing doses? For instance my doctor upped me from 50 to 75, then back down to 50 after 5 days, then 2 days later she dropped me down to 25mg. I've been dealing with a roller coaster of anxiety and horrible intrusive thoughts that really freak me out. I'm just wondering if this will go away with time once I finally stop the meds in a couple of weeks?

[Nugget97]

Hey @Kahigg I know you didn’t direct the question to me but that seems very normal if you are dropping your doses very quickly. Our brains have to adjust so we aren’t giving them a lot of time to settle when we change doses quickly. I was told my taper was too quick when I dropped to 2.5mg from 5mg for 2 weeks and was told I should have waited 6 months on 2.5 to stabilise to limit withdrawals this just shows you how sensitive our brains can be. I went from 10-5-2.5 all within 6 weeks and I’m still battling withdrawals. My guess anyway is that it is completely normal. Hang in there! I know exactly how scary intrusive thoughts can be! But we all will heal eventually and go back to normal. 

[getofflex]

23 hours ago, Kahigg said:

@getofflex I apologize if I missed it somewhere but with intrusive thoughts being a withdrawal symptoms, is it possible to have this occur from sertraline when rapidly changing doses? For instance my doctor upped me from 50 to 75, then back down to 50 after 5 days, then 2 days later she dropped me down to 25mg. I've been dealing with a roller coaster of anxiety and horrible intrusive thoughts that really freak me out. I'm just wondering if this will go away with time once I finally stop the meds in a couple of weeks?

Yes, what your doctor did can cause you to have the symptoms you are describing.  We in this forum don't suggest jumping up and down on the dosages of psych meds like that.  It tends to destabilize the nervous system and cause all kinds of problems.  

[Nugget97]

I was just wondering actually, is there any evidence or stories out there of surgery playing havoc on peoples nervous systems? 
 

I was just thinking today that my whole story started with me developing shortness of breath straight after surgery and my therapist actually thinks the trauma of the surgery heightened my alarm system! I have also done some research and saw that the abdominal muscles can become inflamed after surgery and this can cause shortness of breath too so I’m actually not sure 100 % what caused it. I’m mostly convinced it was just heightened surgery but I haven’t read too many stories similar to mine. 

[Nugget97]

Just doing a weekly update! I think I’m still in a window of about 4 weeks now which is great! When I say window I mean that the Symtoms are manageable, still there lingering but defiantly more mild. I do however have what I call mini waves within this window - basically about 4 or 5 times over the last month in the evening time for about 30minutes I would feel crap and my Symtoms would ramp up! I call them my mini waves as they usually don’t last too long and I feel fine again an hour later or the next day. I presume this is a normal pattern, to have little waves within a window without it being a massive wave itself. 

I freaked myself out over the weekend as my health anxiety caused me to think I have MS! Basically was generally curious about someone we know having MS and wanted to look up if it was genetic and I stumbled across the Symtoms, turns out I have a few of them and FREAKED out. I have had numbness in my face on one side and now I have noticed it a lot more. I never got it before withdrawal so it’s obviously withdrawal but it did freak me out. 
 

mentally I feel a bit meh. This may be part of the derealisation or maybe brain fog? but I literally cannot think clearly. I feel like my brain is all fuzzy and I just find it hard to think sometimes, about anything, whether that be a memory or how I’m actually feeling I find it very hard to concentrate. I generally just don’t feel like myself and freaked myself out today thinking maybe after this whole traumatic event of withdrawal my mind will just be permanently changed and my whole perception of things/life will have changed, And mentally il be very fragile. However I presume this is just the withdrawal talking and I’m just a bit scared? 

 

I do feel like I’m getting there, slowly but surely. The Symtoms that are lingering are:

crying spells - not as frequent 

Heavy chest/overwhelming feeling 

shortness of breath- only at night the odd time

derealisation

brain fog 

tingling 

numbness feeling on side of face 

 

I presume nobody really knew anything about the link between surgery and the nervous system from my last post but that’s okay. Think it is considered a physical trauma which just pushed me over the edge as my therapist said. 
 

hope everyone is doing okay and had a great Easter! 

[Edmunds]

@Nugget97speaking as a veteran of derealization, how would you describe how you experience that symptom?

[Nugget97]

Hey @Edmunds hope you are keeping well. I suppose best way to describe it is feeling completely detached from reality. So like I feel very zoned/spaced out. At night it tends to get worse and I just feel like I’m trapped in my own little bubble in sort of a dream land and I can’t think clearly at all. Sometimes I feel like a stranger in my own house it’s v weird. It’s eased up a little recently and i have talked to my therapist and she agrees it’s derealisation and normal but yeah it’s very hard to describe! 

[getofflex]

@NuggetWhat you are describing sounds like classic psych drug withdrawal symptoms to me.  I think you are going to be fine.  These drugs are very powerful, and in my opinion are way overused.  Lexapro is especially strong.  The central nervous system is very complex, and it takes a long time to sort itself out.  Almost everything you describe, I've had myself.  Surgery is a mentally and physically very stressful thing, and stress can affect the nervous system.  I know stress does that to me, and high stress sent me into a wave last November that lasted for 2 months.  

[Nugget97]

Thanks again for the reassurance @getofflex as always I really appreciate it. Didn’t actually know lexapro was especially strong, my doctor actually told me it was one of the least strong anti anxiety drugs but doesn’t surprise me that I was falsely informed, it has happened to me before in the past with taking the pill 

Il continue to update my progress on here every so often. 

[Nugget97]

New update. The past 2 weeks or so have been a little rough. About 2 weeks ago I thought I was actually on my way to fully recovering, I was getting my hopes up and I finally confided in my mom because my tingles and overwhelming chemical anxiety feeling in my chest were basically gone/barely noticeable... which was amazing because I have had the chemical anxiety since this whole thing started and is the most distressing. I finally told her all this and felt like things were really getting places and bam the next day things started to come back, like the very next day!! Ever since they just grew in severity and I was so hopeless I was angry that I made myself think I was nearly there. The chemical anxiety came back with a vengeance and I was constantly crying. The feeling is literally just like a constant fight or flight state, truly horrific! The tingles also came back! I’ve just been trying to ride this wave.
 

I was looking for the positives yesterday and told mom that the intrusive thoughts were not as big an issue anymore and then straight away I got one lol! I need to stop saying anything at this point. For the past 24 hours the intrusive thoughts have been at me basically like “do I feel like I need to kill myself” “is this what people who kill themselves feel like” “I don’t want to live like this... does this mean I want to kill myself” I’m a massive overthinker so these thoughts severely stress me out! I know they are intrusive thoughts which I suppose is a good sign but I fear them so much, I suppose the fact I fear them means they are the opposite of what I think. The derealisation has improved and It doesn’t bother me as much when I have it. Started feeling very fatigued though. Mentally I feel a little more present. The constant fight or flight and the intrusive thoughts are what are killing me at the moment. 

[getofflex]

4 hours ago, Nugget97 said:

I finally told her all this and felt like things were really getting places and bam the next day things started to come back, like the very next day!!

I can really relate.  It's so frustrating and such a let down when you feel like you are improving, and suddenly things take a turn for the worse.  Been there, done that, many times.  It's the windows and waves pattern of AD WD. 

 

 

There is a way to reduce the anxiety.  I will link the Claire Weekes videos, which can be very helpful:  

 

Audio:  How to Recover from Anxiety - Dr Claire Weekes
 

Anxiety Stuff - all kinds of stuff about anxiety attacks and things that help ...

 

Please realize that the thoughts of suicide and just thoughts from a chemically impaired brain.  It is all just part of the withdrawal process.  

 

Suicidal Thoughts

 

Hang in there.  I think you are doing well, all things considered, and will be fine someday.  

[Edmunds]

@Nugget97 I’m so sorry to hear of the return of symptoms difficult to bear. I understand completely about intrusive thoughts, wondering how to go on living like this, asking when it will end, and on and on. I’m not obsessed by these thoughts, but they come barging in every day. I’ve been trying to work with the skills of floating, accepting the torturous anxiety without fearing it, making room for it, and so on. I’ve been doing grounding exercises. I’ve tried to keep moving and engaging in productive activity. But I can hardly abide going in a store because of the intense DR,  certainly not a restaurant, driving hardly at all—which my loving wife does.I tried a .5 updose from 2.0 mg of fluoxetine 10 days ago. That appears to have been a bust, making me worse in the past few days. I went back down to 2.25 this morning. ChessieCat has been giving me some guidance. I’ve always lived in and for the future. Planting myself in the present is a great challenge. I hope you are able to marshal some useful coping skills. 

[Go2zero]

@Nugget97 Why don't you try to reinstate with 0,5Mg? Maybe only 0,25mg to start with. I stopped escitalopram 3 times with too fast tapering. And it send me to hell. I had similar WD effects as you describe. Suicidal ideation, the terrible feeling on the chest, DR and DP, extreme insomnia, migraine, nausea extreme fatigue, etc. All effects I never had before I took these meds. Just as you describe.

 

In my case I did not heal and I reinstated. But on a high dose of 7,5 mg. I was not aware then that reinstating should be done on a very low dosage. My doctor said it was relapse. Now I know it was WD. 

 

I have seen many cases here on SA where people stopped escitalopram too fast or even did it CT. What I see is that people who reinstate often heal faster than people who try to heal without reinstating. 

[getofflex]

@Nugget97how are your symptoms now?  On a scale of 1 - 10, with 10 being the worse, how would you say your overall symptoms have been in the past few days? 

 

Please be aware that reinstatement is risky, and can help in some cases, but makes WD worse in other cases.  Think carefully about it.  

 

Here is information about it:  

 

About Reinstating and Stabilizing to Reduce Withdrawal

 

Reinstatement

[Nugget97]

Hey @getofflex sorry I haven’t been on here much, I decided to give it a little break. The past two weeks have been very good with very manageable Symtoms. Symtoms that are still there are mainly the constant fight or flight feeling and tingling. The past two weeks these were very minimal and I felt like I was making significant progress. This time I didn’t even delude myself into thinking this was it, this was me getting better because of what happened last time I thought that. Yesterday and today I feel the fight or flight feeling more prominent which is distressing even though I knew this would happen. That along with heart palpitations are the most prominent but I’m really trying to not let it get to me. The intrusive thoughts are still there but not bothering me as much. In terms of reinstatement I 100 % won’t be doing that don’t worry. Although I’m feeling meh today on a scale of 1-10 I’m about a 4 and the past two weeks on average about a 2  @Go2zerothank you for your input but I was only on Lexapro for 2 months including the taper. Although I know it was a fast taper and that is why I’m suffering now I never want to touch anti anxiety meds again. From the get go lexapro caused several distressing Symtoms and It just made things worse. I understand where you are coming from though, good luck on your journey. 

[getofflex]

Nugget, I'm proud of your strength and resolve.  You are doing a great job of hanging in there.  This will pay off well in the future.  It's good to hear from you as always. 

[Nugget97]

Thank you @getofflex that means a lot. I don’t think I realise how strong I am sometimes. I’m so angry this has happened but just trying my best to get through this and come out the other side sooner rather than later. I hope you are doing well yourself. We all need a pat on the back.