Nugget97: Please help I need reassurance -lexapro withdrawal

[Nugget97]

I am so sorry to hear this @JesusSavemefromWD. What are your current symptoms do you mind me asking? 
 

I know how you are feeling. I asked and asked my doctor if there were any side effects and if it was a small dose. She said it was a very small dose I was on and what she was putting me on had no side effects… lol. I even asked her would it be easy to come off, believe it or not my doctor only prescribed it to me for one month only. Every time I went back to the doctor saying i felt funny on the meds they told me to wait it out and that I would stabilise. After 6 weeks I had enough. 
 

I just wish it was well known. If this hadn’t of happened to me I would too be in the dark about this horrible thing that’s happening to us. 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

6 minutes ago, Nugget97 said:

I am so sorry to hear this @JesusSavemefromWD. What are your current symptoms do you mind me asking? 
 

I know how you are feeling. I asked and asked my doctor if there were any side effects and if it was a small dose. She said it was a very small dose I was on and what she was putting me on had no side effects… lol. I even asked her would it be easy to come off, believe it or not my doctor only prescribed it to me for one month only. Every time I went back to the doctor saying i felt funny on the meds they told me to wait it out and that I would stabilise. After 6 weeks I had enough. 
 

I just wish it was well known. If this hadn’t of happened to me I would too be in the dark about this horrible thing that’s happening to us. 

Same story …I asked and asked and asked not one but many doctors about safety …on 3rd day on Zoloft  I was telling my doctor I felt like my head was out of my body, had panic attacks and shaking and fear for no reason, never had these symptoms before zoloft, stupid doctor put me on Zoloft just for chest tightness related to work stress. 
You can see my symptoms in my signature … they are quite a few but the worst is depersonalization and constant fear (feels like I have two eyes trapped inside my body looking the outside world, don’t have sense of reality , my body, my brain, my face, hell on earth) and akathisia, like someone puts electrodes in each cell of my body and plaques me in a high voltage supply source. I do get few hours here and there of relief from akathisia, but not from depersonalization and fear. Stay strong, our brains should figure out their original status at some point, we didn’t suffer a structure damage, rather a chemical imbalance brought by toxic ADs.

[getofflex]

2 hours ago, Nugget97 said:

I just thought I’d mention that I have just come off an hour online CBT session and it was the worst idea. The woman that I had just outright said to me that this isn’t withdrawal and that the drugs would be way out of my system now. She told me to get medical help. I’ve just been crying and crying since the video call ended. I tried to tell her that it’s a real thing and she made me seem like I was mad. I am so upset. 

I'm very sorry this happened to you, @Nugget97.  This woman has no knowledge about what these drugs do to our systems, and how they change our brains, and how it takes a long time for the brain to change back to it's predrug state.  Try not to take it personally.  I know it hurts to be invalidated and dismissed, but she is misinformed.  It sounds like she is brainwashed, the way so many mental health professionals are.  When I was on the Lexapro, my therapist used to say I need it the way a diabetic needed insulin.  

[Nugget97]

16 minutes ago, JesusSavemefromWD said:

Same story …I asked and asked and asked not one but many doctors about safety …on 3rd day on Zoloft  I was telling my doctor I felt like my head was out of my body, had panic attacks and shaking and fear for no reason, never had these symptoms before zoloft, stupid doctor put me on Zoloft just for chest tightness related to work stress. 
You can see my symptoms in my signature … they are quite a few but the worst is depersonalization and constant fear (feels like I have two eyes trapped inside my body looking the outside world, don’t have sense of reality , my body, my brain, my face, hell on earth) and akathisia, like someone puts electrodes in each cell of my body and plaques me in a high voltage supply source. I do get few hours here and there of relief from akathisia, but not from depersonalization and fear. Stay strong, our brains should figure out their original status at some point, we didn’t suffer a structure damage, rather a chemical imbalance brought by toxic ADs.

Yeah I was just put on them for shortness of breath/chest tightness after having a surgery. Little did I know. 
 

Mine currently are more mental. OCD and intrusive thoughts. Also have a physical horrible fight or flight feeling too. Still have derealisation and brain zaps/jolts but they aren’t as bad. The mental symptoms are the worst for me by far. 
 

we will get through this. Keep reading the success stories, they help me a lot. 

[getofflex]

10 minutes ago, Nugget97 said:

Mine currently are more mental. OCD and intrusive thoughts. Also have a physical horrible fight or flight feeling too. Still have derealisation and brain zaps/jolts but they aren’t as bad. The mental symptoms are the worst for me by far. 

I understand - I'm dealing with similar types of things myself, some days more than others.  I'm glad to hear the brain zaps are improving.  

 

 

11 minutes ago, Nugget97 said:

we will get through this. Keep reading the success stories, they help me a lot. 

Yes, you will!  You are strong, and someday this will be a thing of the past.  I'm glad the success stories are helpful.  

[JesusSavemefromWD]

52 minutes ago, Nugget97 said:

Yeah I was just put on them for shortness of breath/chest tightness after having a surgery. Little did I know. 
 

Mine currently are more mental. OCD and intrusive thoughts. Also have a physical horrible fight or flight feeling too. Still have derealisation and brain zaps/jolts but they aren’t as bad. The mental symptoms are the worst for me by far. 
 

we will get through this. Keep reading the success stories, they help me a lot. 

I developed OCD and unreasonable unconnected ruminating thoughts as well but that was mostly the first 3 months of the drug. I still have them but mainly when I go to sleep like those 10-20 mins before deep sleep comes. Thoughts and memories are just floating in my brain without any rational or correction. I ignore them telling myself “ it’s ok my brain is calibrating, reorganizing everything”. You know before u reorganize ur closet u need to make a mess by taking and unfolding all clothes out of the closet. I can take this. What I cannot take is the severe DP and akathisia… bedridden… can’t hardly watch TV , my brain can’t take it, although lately I can kind of watch a short utube video in my cellphone… I guess that’s a progress…. Don’t know … I ll be praying for both of us , although I don’t have the strength/faith to pray as much as I used too

[Nugget97]

53 minutes ago, JesusSavemefromWD said:

I developed OCD and unreasonable unconnected ruminating thoughts as well but that was mostly the first 3 months of the drug. I still have them but mainly when I go to sleep like those 10-20 mins before deep sleep comes. Thoughts and memories are just floating in my brain without any rational or correction. I ignore them telling myself “ it’s ok my brain is calibrating, reorganizing everything”. You know before u reorganize ur closet u need to make a mess by taking and unfolding all clothes out of the closet. I can take this. What I cannot take is the severe DP and akathisia… bedridden… can’t hardly watch TV , my brain can’t take it, although lately I can kind of watch a short utube video in my cellphone… I guess that’s a progress…. Don’t know … I ll be praying for both of us , although I don’t have the strength/faith to pray as much as I used too

I’m the opposite actually, it was more physical and emotional at the beginning for the first 4 months. The last 2 months it’s been mostly mental now, I’m glad to hear yours subsided so I’m hoping mine will too! You poor thing that sounds so so tough. I thankfully don’t have depersonalisation or akathhisa its sounds so awful. I have derealisation which isn’t great but I can cope as long as the mental issues subside. I did have a 5 day window where my mind was completely clear and back to normal which was great and gives me hope but that was 2 weeks ago so I’m praying I get another one. So distressing. 
 

Thank you. like you I find myself that it’s hard to pray in these times. My faith is definitely being tested. I used to pray nightly but now I barely do because I don’t understand why this is happening to me and how it’s so unfair. 
 

 

[Nugget97]

Another little update. Not too much to say and things haven’t really changed a whole lot, for the better or worse. It’s mainly just the withdrawal OCD wrecking my head that’s causing the chemical anxiety within me. I’m really trying all the techniques I have learned and just trying to not ruminate on these thoughts or intrusive images that pop into my head, it’s hard though. I really hope it fizzles out soon. 
 

I guess a positive is that I went away to Croatia on holiday and survived lol. It had a few downs I’m not going to lie, mainly just the Obsessing of intrusive thoughts again so there was a few tears during the trip here or there but I still for the most part enjoyed myself. I was very anxious about the plane as on a normal day I wouldn’t be the best flyer but I actually did really well and had no problems (I was so paranoid that I would start having a panic attack on the flight). I’ve become a bit of a nervous wreck recently, I had a bad experience with my 1st COVID vaccine ( two people beside me collapsed) and traumatised me, and my second vaccine I nearly had a panic attack because of the first experience so with things like flying the thought of it did panic me. I did have an incident in a restaurant where I started to feel panicky all of a sudden and thought I was going to collapse it was like I suddenly was getting those jolts I get at night on a smaller scale in my head and I suddenly felt very nauseous. It was very scary and after going outside for a walk I felt okay. Was very weird though and I hate the thought of feeling like that. 
 

I feel like I’m not really having windows and waves at the moment? I’m just kind of having withdrawal OCD which brings on the chemical anxiety. Sometimes it’s not that bad which I guess could be considered a window and other times it consumes me to the point where I’m zoned out all the time and just an anxious ball so I guess a wave. The jolts at night haven’t been too bad but that could mainly be because I have been with my boyfriend the past few weeks and I sleep soundly with him beside me. Tonight’s the first night im alone… please god I don’t get them. 
 

I guess the only other thing is I’ve noticed my nausea has gotten a little worse, mostly in the mornings when I wake. It got so bad the other day I was literally dry heaving on the street. 
 

anyway I hope everyone is doing okay. Im just over 8 months into this horribleness and every month later I just can’t believe it’s still happening. I just want my old life back and pray it will happen soon. I honestly believe if my mind just shut the hell up and the ocd withdrawal left me I’d be about 90% healed. It’s mostly mental at this point and it’s probably the scariest part of all this. I heard from a friend of mine that has gone through this that her last few months were mostly all mental so hoping this is a good sign. 

[getofflex]

On 9/6/2021 at 12:22 PM, Nugget97 said:

It’s mainly just the withdrawal OCD wrecking my head that’s causing the chemical anxiety within me. I’m really trying all the techniques I have learned and just trying to not ruminate on these thoughts or intrusive images that pop into my head, it’s hard though. I really hope it fizzles out soon.

I understand, because I myself tend towards OCD.  Did you have obsessive thoughts prior to getting on the psych meds?  If not, then these should eventually go away.   I'm currently doing a workbook called "The Mind-Body Workbook for PTSD".  I'm in the first week.  They talk about when we get lost in our thoughts, to put our focus on the noises around us, the feel of our feet on the floor, the feeling of our pet's fur, etc.  It sounds silly, but it works, at least for a few minutes, until I get lost in my thoughts again.  At least for me, getting lost in my head and in my thoughts is a habit, I've been doing it all my life.  It takes a long time to unlearn.   I do believe that part of my ruminations and OCD type thoughts are brought on by WD, and this part should diminish and go away eventually on it's own. Here is a link to the book, in case you are interested:  

 

https://www.amazon.com/Mind-Body-Workbook-PTSD-Harbinger-Self-Help/dp/1572249234/ref=sr_1_3?crid=1QVDJ0GSOJ8PZ&dchild=1&keywords=mind+body+workbook+for+ptsd&qid=1631040542&sprefix=The+ptsd+mind+body%2Caps%2C199&sr=8-3

 

On 9/6/2021 at 12:22 PM, Nugget97 said:

I still for the most part enjoyed myself.

I'm glad you enjoyed your trip!  That is a sign that you are well on the road to recovery!  

 

It's a good thing you got your COVID vaccination over and done with.  

 

On 9/6/2021 at 12:22 PM, Nugget97 said:

anyway I hope everyone is doing okay. Im just over 8 months into this horribleness and every month later I just can’t believe it’s still happening. I just want my old life back and pray it will happen soon.

I won't lie to you - it can take a very long time for the nervous system to fully heal.  Here is a link that goes into that.  I don't remember if I've shared this with you before.  The good news is that it will heal!  

 

How Long is Withdrawal Going to Take

Edited September 7, 2021 by getofflex

[Nugget97]

7 minutes ago, getofflex said:

I understand, because I myself tend towards OCD.  Did you have obsessive thoughts prior to getting on the psych meds?  If not, then these should eventually go away.   I'm currently doing a workbook called "The Mind-Body Workbook for PTSD".  I'm in the first week.  They talk about when we get lost in our thoughts, to put our focus on the noises around us, the feel of our feet on the floor, the feeling of our pet's fur, etc.  It sounds silly, but it works, at least for a few minutes, until I get lost in my thoughts again.  At least for me, getting lost in my head and in my thoughts is a habit, I've been doing it all my life.  It takes a long time to unlearn.   I do believe that part of my ruminations and OCD type thoughts are brought on by WD, and this part should diminish and go away eventually on it's own. Here is a link to the book, in case you are interested:  

 

https://www.amazon.com/Mind-Body-Workbook-PTSD-Harbinger-Self-Help/dp/1572249234/ref=sr_1_3?crid=1QVDJ0GSOJ8PZ&dchild=1&keywords=mind+body+workbook+for+ptsd&qid=1631040542&sprefix=The+ptsd+mind+body%2Caps%2C199&sr=8-3

 

I'm glad you enjoyed your trip!  That is a sign that you are well on the road to recovery!  

 

It's a good thing you got your COVID vaccination over and done with.  

 

I won't lie to you - it can take a very long time for the nervous system to fully heal.  Here is a link that goes into that.  I don't remember if I've shared this with you before.  The good news is that it will heal!  

 

How Long is Withdrawal Going to Take

Hmm the thing is I was an overthinker before withdrawal. You could say it was a little obsessive. It would be over pointless things though that wouldn’t make me anxious. It was who I was and it only really happened if If I was alone with nothing to do. It would never impact my life or get in the way of anything. This is different. This I literally cannot switch off. I feel like if I don’t ruminate on the thoughts that I’m not being true to myself, it’s like this pull to analyse everything and when I do my anxiety spikes. It’s not over silly little things like conversations it’s like over big fears or scary scenarios. It’s like my mind can’t switch off no matter what. It scares me because I did tend to overthink and obsess a little before withdrawal and I’m scared it’s just manifested and this is how I am now? 
 

please tell me this sounds like withdrawal OCD and not who I actually am. We’re you like me before withdrawal or was your OCD worse before withdrawal? 
 

tou say it’s what made you most anxious before withdrawal hit where as I don’t think that was the case for me I was more of an anxious person with my health and public speaking etc. Never really the overthinking. 

[getofflex]

 

26 minutes ago, Nugget97 said:

This is different. This I literally cannot switch off.

@Nugget97then this definitely sounds as though a huge part of it is WD for you.  I believe that in time, this symptom will reduce for you until it is similar to how it was prior to going on the meds. It does sounds like withdrawal OCD.  My OCD was much worse during WD, and it has slowly gotten better with time.  I can understand why this is so scary, when our mind feels out of control.  Yes, this withdrawal can be scary.  But rest assured, that it is temporary, but it takes a long time for the nervous system to recover.  Did you read the link above?  

[Nugget97]

2 minutes ago, getofflex said:

 

@Nugget97then this definitely sounds as though a huge part of it is WD for you.  I believe that in time, this symptom will reduce for you until it is similar to how it was prior to going on the meds. It does sounds like withdrawal OCD.  My OCD was much worse during WD, and it has slowly gotten better with time.  I can understand why this is so scary, when our mind feels out of control.  Yes, this withdrawal can be scary.  But rest assured, that it is temporary, but it takes a long time for the nervous system to recover.  Did you read the link above?  

Okay thank god! That’s what I was hoping to hear! My obsessive overthinking ways were kind of like “ugh why do I care so much about this” before withdrawal but I NEVER got upset by them or distressed. And within a day or a few hours I wouldn’t care anymore about what I was thinking about. This is when I finally move on from a thought another comes in nearly straight away and they always bring my anxiety up so much like physically I can feel the fight or flight in my chest where as prior to withdrawal I NEVER had that either. I also can’t switch off at all even if someone starts to have a conversation with me. 
 

I actually did read that link already but thank you for sending it on. Somtimes I’m afraid to read too much on here in case it gets me upset. I know eventually I will heal but I just wish I knew when. I know though that more than likely this time next year il be a lot better than I am now so that helps. 

[Nugget97]

UPDATE: 9 months off - Very little change.

 

I find I am coping EVER SO SLIGHTLY better in regards to the withdrawal OCD. I did a course online about HOCD because that's what my brain has moved on to and it really helped me understand and realise what's been happening and why it happens (obviously withdrawal is the main reason but it was nice to know the reasons behind some thoughts). I need to accept that my brain is just very irrational right now and that every thought/image or feeling that causes me distress and confuses and upsets me is just not true no matter how real it does actually feel. I AM NOT MY THOUGHTS!!! Normally before withdrawal I presume I could have one or two similar thoughts and it would be gone within a second never thinking about it again, I literally can't even tell you for sure if I ever did because again I NEVER would dwell. Obviously now due to neuroemotions I spiral but recently I have been trying not to let myself react or dwell because that's the worst part of it, feeding it. I read as well that OCD can come about from a change in the brain which makes more sense that its withdrawal as the brain is changing and trying to get back to normal. 

 

I suppose to think positively about it, when you take the intrusive thoughts and more so the OCD away, I basically have no symptoms left. I had a few days last week where majority of the time my OCD dissipated but I still had that high anxiety chemical feeling in my chest that I know all so well. BUT it didn't bother me because the thoughts were not there and I knew it never lasts too long when its just the physical on its own. I suppose I have the odd jolt when sleeping here or there but physically I am actually doing okay. 

 

Another positive to note is that a week ago I passed my driving test. I honestly don't know how I was able to manage doing lessons let alone passing a test during this time but I did it and I am so proud of myself. A part of me couldn't be happy on the day because all I wanted was for this hell to be over and passing the test was the least of my worries but looking back I know I am going to be extremely proud. 

[getofflex]

16 hours ago, Nugget97 said:

I need to accept that my brain is just very irrational right now and that every thought/image or feeling that causes me distress and confuses and upsets me is just not true no matter how real it does actually feel. I AM NOT MY THOUGHTS!!! 

This is excellent, and true.  You are learning some very good skills here.  

 

16 hours ago, Nugget97 said:

I suppose to think positively about it, when you take the intrusive thoughts and more so the OCD away, I basically have no symptoms left.

That's wonderful!  I'm very glad to hear this.  

 

16 hours ago, Nugget97 said:

Another positive to note is that a week ago I passed my driving test. I honestly don't know how I was able to manage doing lessons let alone passing a test during this time but I did it and I am so proud of myself.

Woohoo!  Great job!  🎉

 

 

[Nugget97]

Thanks for the support @getofflex! As always! How are you getting on yourself? Is your withdrawal OCD any better? 

[getofflex]

I'm doing pretty well at the time, other than having a head cold.  My WD OCD is gradually improving. I'm working on a CBT PTSD self study course, which is helping.  I had some OCD type tendencies before I ever went on meds.  Thanks for asking.  

[Nugget97]

1 hour ago, getofflex said:

I'm doing pretty well at the time, other than having a head cold.  My WD OCD is gradually improving. I'm working on a CBT PTSD self study course, which is helping.  I had some OCD type tendencies before I ever went on meds.  Thanks for asking.  

Awh I’m delighted that overall you have improved. And in particular that the WD OCD is diminishing. I too probably had very very slight OCD tendencies looking back, more so just got to do with health anxiety and overthinking some things but if I get back to that place which I would call normal for me I’d be delighted. 

[Nugget97]

@getofflex sorry to bother you. Just wondering do/did you ever experience very irrational thinking during your withdrawal? I find myself really deeply thinking into trying to understand crazy things. Like maybe it’s a bit of existential thinking? Things like what goes through some people’s minds to make them do bad things, it’s like I’m trying to understand which sounds awful, like usually I wouldn’t blink an eyelid and just say “oh that’s horrific” to something awful I heard but now it’s like I’m trying to put myself in their shoes and trying to get what would go through their mind to do such a thing. It’s given me anxiety to even say that my mind has been doing that because it sounds like I’m trying to have sympathy for very bad people which is not the case but I’m so confused why I feel the need to understand and then suddenly it’s like “oh yeah I understand what might have gotten into their head for them to do that” 

 

it probably has something to do with the withdrawal OCD I feel? Like maybe being scared that that could be me like a what if I become like that person and then like checking to see if I understand? It really feels like I do understand sometimes which makes me spiral, then sometimes a day later I think about it again and I’m like oh god why would I even think that. 
 

there has been other crazy things that I felt like omg maybe I’d be into that and it’s like my brain is convincing me that I could be and I know for a fact that I wouldn’t be so I am thinking that it’s just the irrational brain? 
 

I hope I haven’t lost you and that this all makes sense. I just thought I’d ask as I have noticed recently that my mind tends to be very irrational lately in the way I am thinking about certain things. 

[getofflex]

17 hours ago, Nugget97 said:

@getofflex sorry to bother you

No need to be sorry - I'm happy to help.  

 

17 hours ago, Nugget97 said:

Just wondering do/did you ever experience very irrational thinking during your withdrawal?

Oh yes, most certainly.  In fact, I applaud my husband for his patience, I often go into discussions with him that are quite illogical.  

 

17 hours ago, Nugget97 said:

Like maybe it’s a bit of existential thinking? Things like what goes through some people’s minds to make them do bad things, it’s like I’m trying to understand which sounds awful,

My theory on this - while on these drugs, we are basically in a chemical straitjacket in my opinion.  We tend to be apathetic, and not think to much about stuff.  Once we get off the drugs, we are facing all our deep emotions and thoughts head on, without the buffer of the drug.  Some of us are more sensitive than others, and we are deep thinkers.  I know I am, and I suspect could be as well.  In fact, I subscribe to a blog called "The Highly Sensitive Refuge".  It is very good.  Here is a link:  https://highlysensitiverefuge.com

 

What you say makes sense to me. You are probably still healing and recovering from the Lexapro.  Even though you only took it a few days, these things can take a while for the nervous system to recover from, since it is extremely complex.  

[Nugget97]

2 hours ago, getofflex said:

No need to be sorry - I'm happy to help.  

 

Oh yes, most certainly.  In fact, I applaud my husband for his patience, I often go into discussions with him that are quite illogical.  

 

My theory on this - while on these drugs, we are basically in a chemical straitjacket in my opinion.  We tend to be apathetic, and not think to much about stuff.  Once we get off the drugs, we are facing all our deep emotions and thoughts head on, without the buffer of the drug.  Some of us are more sensitive than others, and we are deep thinkers.  I know I am, and I suspect could be as well.  In fact, I subscribe to a blog called "The Highly Sensitive Refuge".  It is very good.  Here is a link:  https://highlysensitiverefuge.com

 

What you say makes sense to me. You are probably still healing and recovering from the Lexapro.  Even though you only took it a few days, these things can take a while for the nervous system to recover from, since it is extremely complex.  

Thank you so much for your reply @getofflex. It reassures me as always to know that it’s just part of withdrawal which to be fair I did suspect. I know withdrawal is the cause of the majority of the stuff going on with me but I never want to just presume either just in case. 
 

oh my god when you say that about applauding your husband I think the exact way about my poor boyfriend who has to listen to some of the stuff that I come out with like going deep into over analysing situations that haven’t even happened to me that I have heard about. 
 

thanks so much for sending on that link il have a listen to it. Everything you said makes sense to me anyway. 

[Lilmizz21]

@Nugget97how you doing? We have similar drug history and symptoms!!

[Nugget97]

Hi everyone,

 

Its been about 3 months since I have been on here. For about 70 % of the time I am delighted to say it was due to me actually just getting on with life and having very good days ( not being back to myself fully but actually somewhat enjoying life), the remaining 30 % was due to me just not wanting to come back here with the same old message with the same old symptoms plus sometimes I find this site can be a little triggering for me. 

 

I mentioned the other day to my boyfriend, after I saw an email from this site, that I realised I had not been on here in ages. He mentioned to me that I have been doing so well I should come on and keep you guys updated. So yes I am glad to say things have gotten better. Am I fully healed? I would say definitely not. I am not a success story yet and maybe it's the pessimistic side of me but I don't feel like I will be anytime soon. BUT even I have seen a difference in myself. To be honest the past year as been a blur but I remember having to take one day at a time before. I couldn't plan anything for fear I would go into a wave. I would cry constantly. I would feel hopeless constantly. I did get good days here or there but then id have the bad days. the very bad days. I am now not in windows and waves anymore. I am more little dips in the day now. sometimes it can be a few dips in a day other days none so maybe its still a case of windows and waves but just a different style lol. I don't cry half as much. I look forward to things because i know il be okay. Christmas was a lot better than the year before (Christmas 2020 was my first few days of withdrawal). I was away in London and had a great time. 

 

The drawback is I am now on month 13 of withdrawal. I wish I was back to my old self. I thought I would be by now. but I'm still not there. Even though I am much better than what I was, my one and only symptom left is the toughest one of all; the OCD. The reason why I have gotten better the last few months is actually just getting on with it and trying to just ignore and accept it and move on with life. But sometimes it can really get you down. I mainly have harm OCD and Homosexual OCD. Thankfully the harm OCD has gotten significantly better to the point where it doesn't really affect me anymore. Don't get me wrong there is still days, a lot of days actually, where when I see a knife my anxiety will shoot up, anything sharp will send me into a panic but I don't let it stop me using them and I eventually calm down, it will take time but I am getting there. I have actually read that a lot of people suffer from a fear of sharp objects and its very treatable so if it continues I know I can look into therapy again. However the HOCD (homosexual OCD) has been always at the back of my mind. I did a course recently that helped me greatly but sometimes when I'm having a bad day it rears its ugly head and can be so scary and feel so real. It feels like its attacking my identity. Other days I know who I am and have no fear. Intrusive thoughts with this have actually turned into intrusive images if that makes sense. So if I saw a woman my mind could imagine myself being with that woman and for a second it would feel like oh yeah that would be fine I can imagine myself doing that but then when I really think about it I obviously know I wouldn't do that. Its like my mind has just got accustomed to these thoughts and images that sometimes it just feels like I'm a different person and that my mind has juts turned me lesbian as it nearly acts like one now ( which I know is silly but sometimes it does feel like that). it has gotten to the point where I fear meeting new women, seeing pretty women on shows or on social media or anything like that in case my mind makes up a scenario or I get the dreaded groinal response ( which is the worst thing imaginable with OCD). The funny thing is if I am having a day where I am consumed by harm OCD I KNOW I'm not a lesbian and don't fear it and vice versa I'm not worried about losing control if I'm consumed by the lesbian stuff. I am really not trying to do the mental compulsions got to do with the HOCD because I always know that makes me worse so I just need to accept it. Its just so very tough. On one hand its like I feel like I could loose my mind with the fear of sharp things and on the other hand I feel like I'm loosing my identity. This evening I was having a bad kind of dip because this withdrawal OCD has been going on since July. I am just scared that even if it gets better it will always be there. Between those two things and also being a nervous wreck still with being by myself or hearing anything bad on the news (in case I can somehow relate to it) I feel like I might not ever be the person I once was. I am scared that I have just suddenly developed this other disorder through the process of withdrawal. I know I have been told before that it will eventually fade out but I just can't find a lot of evidence on here that it does. Like I said in previous posts I only had mild OCD tendencies before this whole ordeal. If you or anyone you know at all has been in the same boat with OCD because of withdrawal and come out of it please can you get in contact. I really don't want to hear any negative experiences if that is okay. 

 

I know some people on this site are probably far worse off and my heart goes out to them and I am so thankful that I have gotten somewhere but I still get down days and still need reassurance. 

 

Anyway I just thought I ought to send in a update, one that seems quite pessimistic I know but overall I do want to highlight that I have improved and that there is hope, just hold on!! Hopefully I will continue to improve and this withdrawal will be no more.

 

prayers and hope to everyone, better days are ahead x

 

 

[Nugget97]

hey @getofflex I haven't heard from you in a while I hope you are doing good. I just wanted to ask a question, is it possible to have a bad setback over a year out? I feel like the past week or so I'm feeling just really strange, completely distant to everyone and feeling so alone. Even when the withdrawal OCD has calmed I have started to get that constant fight or flight anxiety feeling back for no reason? I used to have it all the time and I feel so lucky that the past few months it only occurred when triggered by OCD thoughts. I am so scared about going backwards as I feel I have come so far. I have started to doubt my future again and if I will be able to ever come out of this  

[getofflex]

Hi @Nugget97!  Thanks for the shoutout.  I'm doing better, gradually.  I have my good and bad days. 

 

Yes it is possible to have a bad setback over a year out.  This sounds like a wave.  Not to worry waves are only temporary, but they do really suck, and can be quite discouraging, especially after you've been doing so well.  It is the way our brains heal when we get off SSRI and other psych drugs. Yes, you will come out of this, but it is natural to doubt, when it takes so long, and is so up and down.  Here's the link on windows and waves: 

 

Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

It's great to hear from you again!  

[Marta]

@Nugget97 hi, I just came across your post. I had the first wave (you can see in my signature) after 13 months off (i have been several years on lexapro). It's nasty. Then to recover (not 100%) from this wave took 2 months. Now after almost 2yrs off i have another brutal wave.

For me it starts like feeling something wrong, then I start to lose appetite then anxiety goes beyond human level and insomnia hits with severe physical symptoms. Currently I am in a very bad place. 

 

I also seek reassurance that lexapro can cause this so much time off.

 

What i can say is that the me pre drug Never Ever had this spyrals of long lasting suffering.

[getofflex]

@Nugget97how are you doing these days? 

[Nugget97]

Hey @getofflex thanks for checking in. I am improving, I think, hard to know when I’m going backwards and forwards all the time. I still have the OCD and the strange thoughts but they don’t affect me as much so when that happens I tend to have better days. I’m hoping overall this means I’m improving ever so slightly. Only thing I’ve been worried about lately is I have been getting slightly anxious in crowded, stuffy spaces when I get an intrusive thought like what if I just pass out etc. and I suddenly feel very lightheaded and dizzy and sometimes a bit nauseous. I immediately need to get out into the air and sit down and I feel better. It’s happened a few times now and when it comes on I immediately have to grab the person I’m with and I’m so scared I will faint. I presume this is all anxiety as once I have calmed myself and I’m back at home I feel fine. It’s a little scary though because I’m afraid if it gets worse it will ruin me going out to places. Does this seem like a normal withdrawal symptom? I’ve noticed as well I am getting more frequent hypnic jerks again just as I’m about to fall asleep or weird sensations in my head, I don’t mind them as much because I don’t feel as scared with them. In good news though I managed to go on another small break with my family to Lisbon. Was very anxious going but I managed to enjoy myself and the thoughts for the most part were kept at bay! 
 

hope you are doing well yourself? 

[getofflex]

It sounds like your nervous system may still be sorting itself out from the Lexapro and you may have a natural propensity for anxiety. But you can find ways to cope with this without the drugs.  
 

im doing well. I’m almost done with my lexapro taper and enjoying spring.  

[Nugget97]

That’s good news, glad you are enjoying life and near the end of your taper! 
 

yes it seems my nervous system still needs time. Was always a little anxious but never any physical issues like this or to this extend. I’m sure it will pass. 

[StarShopping87]

@Nugget97 how are you feeling things? Any improvements? 

[Nugget97]

Hi @StarShopping87 I’m doing okay. Ups and downs. When I’m very much distracted I’m good, not fully back to myself but enjoying life. When I’m down I can still get really down, it just doesn’t happen as often. I don’t know if that’s because I’m dealing with things better or things are lessening up. I haven’t had a chance to check out your story but if you are dealing with similar issues regarding the mental side of things especially withdrawal OCD best advice I keep telling myself is that my mind is just not itself at the moment so to take any thought, no matter how bad it is or how real it feels or any feeling in general you get from the thought, with a pinch of salt. If it gets your anxiety going it obviously isn’t true or real. And if it doesn’t get your anxiety going after a while and your anxious because it doesn’t (I’ve been there) it also doesn’t mean it’s real or true it’s just your brain adapting. Sometimes I find it hard to keep accepting this but I think maybe eventually it won’t have such a strong hold on me anymore if I continue telling myself this. Some moments I’m just surviving but majority of the time I’m back to living, sometimes not fully but I’m getting there. Healing to you! 

[StarShopping87]

Just now, Nugget97 said:

Hi @StarShopping87 I’m doing okay. Ups and downs. When I’m very much distracted I’m good, not fully back to myself but enjoying life. When I’m down I can still get really down, it just doesn’t happen as often. I don’t know if that’s because I’m dealing with things better or things are lessening up. I haven’t had a chance to check out your story but if you are dealing with similar issues regarding the mental side of things especially withdrawal OCD best advice I keep telling myself is that my mind is just not itself at the moment so to take any thought, no matter how bad it is or how real it feels or any feeling in general you get from the thought, with a pinch of salt. If it gets your anxiety going it obviously isn’t true or real. And if it doesn’t get your anxiety going after a while and your anxious because it doesn’t (I’ve been there) it also doesn’t mean it’s real or true it’s just your brain adapting. Sometimes I find it hard to keep accepting this but I think maybe eventually it won’t have such a strong hold on me anymore if I continue telling myself this. Some moments I’m just surviving but majority of the time I’m back to living, sometimes not fully but I’m getting there. Healing to you! 

Thank you. I had a adverse reaction to 3 doses of lexapro. The mental stuff is pure hell. I’m almost 5 months in and just miserable