Naomi007: needing support- reaching out

[Naomi007]

Hi, My name is Naomi, I live in Canada

I am in withdrawal from poly drugged over 31 years

I am presenting off all meds except one as of November 4th-2020

I experience intrusive thoughts, hyper awareness of my body and thoughts, scary panic and anxiety, mood swings, fear, fear, fear

Question my sanity every day

Never had this before in my life

Looking for connection with others experiencing withdrawal and any tips to survive this

Feel trapped inside my mind and scared of self

I am also going through Peri menopause which is making things very complicated

I also lost the light of my life daughter June 2019

Hanging on 

Thank you

Naomi

 

History

Anafranil 1990-2000

Paxil 

Cipralex

Zoloft

2020 - after taking expired amoxicillin, developed severe insomnia, 

Spiralled - 2x hospitalization, poly drugged, Benzos, sleeping pills, paxil, cipralex, trazodone, olanzapine, luvox, elavil,  everything made me worse

Presently taking Olanazpine 0.9mg for sleep

Melatonin 3mg for sleep

Vit D

[Shep]

Hi, Naomi.

 

Welcome to Surviving Antidepressants. 

 

I'm sorry to read about your daughter. I'm sure that makes all of this so much harder. 

 

Here is some general information on psychiatric drug withdrawal:

 

How psychiatric drugs remodel your brain

 

Healing from antidepressants. Patterns of recovery video (4 minutes)

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

Thank you for listing your drugs. Please add more details - such as month/year and the dose in a signature. 

 

Please add a signature.  Include drugs, doses, dates, and discontinuations & reinstatements in the last 12-24 months. Also include supplements. This will help us give you the most accurate advice we can. 

• Any drugs and supplements prior to 24 months ago can just be listed with start and stop years. 
• Please use actual dates or approximate dates (mid-June, Late October) rather than relative time frames (last week, 3 months ago) 
• Spell out months, e.g. "October" or "Oct."; 9/1/2016 can be interpreted as Jan. 9, 2016 or Sept. 1, 2016. 
• Please leave out symptoms and diagnoses. 
• A list is easier to understand than one or multiple paragraphs. 
• This is a direct link to your signature:  Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature.

Please continue to use this thread to document your taper and to ask questions. 

[Naomi007]

Still hanging in there

 

5 months today off all psych drugs, except 0.9 olanzapine

 

Still struggling with anxiety, weird thoughts, panic

 

Thank you for your response

 

 

[getofflex]

Hello Naomi, I'm very sorry for the loss of your daughter. Anxiety, weird thoughts, and panic are all classic signs of withdrawal from psych meds.  I certainly had these symptoms myself, and still do to some extent.  The healing process is very gradual and takes time.  I commend you for hanging in there.  Thanks for creating your drug history in your signature. 

 

Here are some links that talk about these symptoms: 

 

Ways to Cope with Daily Anxiety

Meditation for Stressed Nervous System

Fear, Terror, Panic, Anxiety

Repetitive Intrusive Thoughts

 

There are many good coping techniques to help with the withdrawal symptoms.  

Non Drug Coping Skills

 

Hang in there.  It gets better.  We are here for you. 

 

[BooBoo19]

Hello Naomi, sending you good vibes from the UK.  I am currently in withdrawal and exhibiting all the symptoms you are coupled with the peri-menopause which I agree with you is difficult as you cannot tell what is WD and what is hormonal.  During withdrawal my health anxiety has ramped up 10 fold.  I believe it is just time that we have to give it, I feel sometimes that I cannot continue if this is how my life is going to be but I have started to look back on progress over the last weeks rather than days as I see very little progress on a daily basis but am able to recognise some small progress over the weeks although I am very inpatient and want to be back to my happy go lucky self.  The anxiety has ruined my appetite and have lost 30lb in weight - not a diet I recommend. I have quite a supportive GP who does not. think AD's are the answer and recognises that most people stay on them due to the difficulty withdrawing.  Hang in there you are doing great, our brains are our biggest organ and therefore will take time to 'recalibrate'.  You are not alone although you feel like it, I can honestly say the withdrawals have been the worst time of my life as sometimes I want to climb out of my skin.  Tiny, tiny progress is made each day.  I know it is not much support but keep going.

[Kingfisher86]

@Naomi007

I just wanted to say Hi.🙋🏻‍♀️ This is a good place to find support because people truly understand. Things get better.
Sending you a big hug☀️

[Naomi007]

thank you so much for the responses,  it is soooo nice to know I am not alone

 

I have some good news,  the last month I have slept better than the last year.  I never thought I would ever sleep again

I am holding out hope from everyone that says,  things will get better as my brain learns to come back online

I really want to get off the olanzapine as I am super aware of what this drug can do to me as well

But will go soooooooooooooo slow

Thanks again everyone

I hope I can be helpful to people as I can more windows

 

 

[getofflex]

@Naomi007it sounds like you are on the right track!  I so understand how difficult it is when we can't sleep - I went for a long time with severe insomnia myself.  It's great that you are aware of what these drugs can do to us.  You are wise is deciding to go very slowly.  

[Naomi007]

Hello, wanted to give update

Still struggling with adrenaline surges in chest and stomach,  anxiety, panic still coming and going

Sleep is up and down, some nights sleep so good, other nights terrible

 

It's 6 months 1 week off AD and Benzos

Still taking 0.85 Olanzapine,  tried to lower to 0.80 and felt so terrible, sucidal

Holding out hope, one day I won't be scared of everything and can get off the olanzapine one day

How is everyone else doing?  Love to hear

Thank you

Naomi

 

[getofflex]

Hello Naomi, it's good to hear from you.  Congratulations for being off AD's and benzos!  I'm proud of you!  

 

Your symptoms sound about where I am at now.  

 

3 hours ago, Naomi007 said:

Still taking 0.85 Olanzapine,  tried to lower to 0.80 and felt so terrible, sucidal

Did you go back to the previous dose of 0.85?  

 

It sounds like it would help a lot to stay on the current dose of Olanzapine for a good while, and let your system get more stabilized.  I have a note on my bathroom mirror that says 
 

Edited April 26, 2021 by getofflex

[Naomi007]

Hi getoflex,  yes I upped the olanzapine about 1 1/2 week ago,  couldn't handle the anxiety and panic.   Yes, holding this dose, not touching it

it got very dangerous for me

 

I am still experiencing adrenaline surges, anxiety, panic, especially in AM

 

Anything that could be helpful?

 

I am still extremely sensitive to most things

 

I did an iron infusion last week and it went really well, so that was really positive

I take an adrenal supplement 1/4 capsule once in a while when I feel I can't cope, sometimes this takes the edge off

 

Any idea, how long this adrenaline feeling will last?

Thank you so much

 

Naomi

 

 

[getofflex]

17 hours ago, Naomi007 said:

I upped the olanzapine about 1 1/2 week ago,  couldn't handle the anxiety and panic

Did you increase it from 0.8 to 0.85 mg?  What dose are you on now?  Please update your drug signature with each dose change and date of your Olanzapine (and any other drugs), thanks: Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature.  

 

What you are describing is classic psych med withdrawal.  Did updosing the Olanzapine help some?  

 

Your system may be still struggling to find equilibrium after getting off of your previous drugs. That would probably explain why your CNS is so sensitive.  If it were me, I would stay on the current dose of Olanzapine for a while, even for several months.  These things take a lot of time.  Your system may still be trying to adjust to the previous drugs that you got off of, and is probably still unstable.  Read this link, and it explains all the factors that influence WD.  Especially read post #3 of this thread: 

 

Factors that Affect Withdrawal

 

18 hours ago, Naomi007 said:

I am still experiencing adrenaline surges, anxiety, panic, especially in AM

Yes, this happens to me too on some days.  It a surge of cortisol in an activated nervous system.  This thread talks about that: 

 

Morning Cortisol Spike

 

Hang in there, this will pass, in time.  I know it is challenging and scary.  But our nervous systems will heal eventually.  

[Naomi007]

Hi,  I am 6 1/2 months off AD.  I am still taking 1 mg Olanzapine, just upped lately from 0.85 to 1mg

 

I have the most horrific anxiety,  it can last all day and during the night,

I jolt in my sleep from anxiety,  feels like electric shocks

 

The last month has been the worst so far,

Is it normal that it is getting worse?

I am so confused what is happening to my body and mind

I am terrified to be in my own skin and I can't seem to stop it

 

I have tried meditation, tapping, diet, deep breathing, Yoga, journalling, walking, distraction, 

Nothing seems to stop it,

So terrified, I won't make it

Thank you

[Altostrata]

@Naomi007, did you see getofflex's responses to you above?

 

Please put your questions and updates about your particular situation here in your Intro topic.

 

What times of day do you take your drugs, and their dosages? How do you feel before and after you take each drug?

[Naomi007]

Hi Alto

 

I take one med,  olanzapine at 9pm every night

I was originally prescribed 1mg Olanzapine November 2020 after cold turkey off everything

 

It really helped me sleep, anxiety appetite , but felt flat in emotion.

For 5 months, I have been slowly reducing this, I got down to .82mg at one point, I was managing, getting some windows

I am severely reactive to medication and supplements now

 

Recently March 2020, I noticed the med wasn't helping as much, adrenaline surges, panic, fear of nothing extreme

 

i recently upped to 1mg again (last Friday), and feel really awful, shakes, heart palpitations, severe panic, not sleeping very good

 

Last night I took 1.15mg and woke after 2 hours with the worst panic ever, felt like I was going to die

 

Why am I reacting to a medication that I am already taking???

Will this settle down as my body gets used to a bigger dose????

Desperate to settle panic and adrenaline, anxiety

Don't won't to go to hospital

Terrified of Benzos

 

Thank you

[getofflex]

Hello Naomi, it sounds like you are reacting poorly to the reinstatements.  Reinstatement is risky. In some cases it helps, in other cases, it makes things worse.  If it were me, I would go back to the 0.82 mg dose, and stay on that a while until my system stabilizes.  This could take several months.  It's frustrating to wait that long, but it beats the alternative of making the withdrawal even worse.

 

You asked "Why am I reacting to a medication that I am already taking???"  

 

Please carefully read this link: 

How psychiatric drugs remodel your brain

 

You say you cold turkeyed from several meds back in November.  This is very hard on the nervous system, and often will sensitize it, so that any changes to psych meds can cause significant WD symtoms.  It can take a long time for the system to recover from a CT.  

 

Here is quote from altostrata, the founder and owner of the forum, about this: 

When to discontinue reinstatement

• If, upon reinstatement, you very soon feel significantly worse, most likely you are sensitized to the drug and need to take a smaller dosage or, possibly, none at all. You will need to track your daily symptom pattern to see if it's the drug causing your symptoms. If so, they generally will be worse shortly after you take the drug.
• Sometimes reinstatement does not work. The nervous system has taken such a hard hit from withdrawal, it's destabilized beyond whatever effect the drug might have had.
• You get an adverse reaction from the drug. Look up your drug at drugs.com to identify known adverse reactions. A rash is always a bad sign. Sometimes an adverse reaction can be eliminated by taking a lower dosage. Do not mistake an adverse reaction for your existing withdrawal symptoms!

Here is the thread on reinstatement.  Please read carefully:  

 

Reinstatement

 

Please update your drug signature to indicate the changes you've made to your Olanzapine in the past 5 months, thank you. 

 

Please hang in there, and know that in time, this will get better.  Please let us know how you are doing. 

 

Edited May 5, 2021 by getofflex

[Naomi007]

ok thank you

 

I feel a bit better the last 2 days on 1mg,  I am going to hold here

I wish so badly I had known what these meds could do to me

 

Naomi

 

[getofflex]

If that's the case, then that sounds like a good plan.  If it were me, I would stay on this for a bare minimum of a month, but considering you got off several meds cold turkey late last year, it may even be beneficial to hold for longer.  I also wish I had known when I first got on them.  

 

Please remember that recovery tends to happen in a non linear fashion.  That is, we have windows where we feel good, and waves where we feel bad.  It is not necessarily suggested to change our drugs when we go into a wave.  (see the link I provided on windows and waves in my first post). 

Edited May 5, 2021 by getofflex

[Naomi007]

Hello again

 

I am still alive

I am currently 8 months off all meds except olanzapine

I am presently taking 1mg olanzapine at night.  I am sleeping pretty good with melatonin - {7-8hours)

Feel actually pretty tired these days.  

The last few weeks, have started to developed joint pain, muscle aches,  quite intensely.

No clue if this from the AD and Benzo withdrawal???? or olanzapine side effects?

I continue to feel a blunting of emotions, and numbness that makes me feel non human.

I feel so frustrated that I am not myself, no joy, or laughing, very flat

My pharmacy can make capsules with slow reductions

I am going to try 0.95mg in a capsule this week?

Wondering if this is OK?

Really desperately want off this medication

 

Thank you

 

[Greatful]

Hi Naomi007.    Try not to panic.  I know when I am at my wits end and panicking, I start chasing by tall  by trying to stop the pain.  Let the mods advise you.  Most of the time they want you to stay put and stabilize.  Making quick changes can make things worse.  I could be wrong, but I think you should tag one of the mods to get their advice.  I really know how it feels to want the meds out of my system.  Please take a deep breath.  I know you can get through this.  You are stronger than you think.  

Greatful

[Greatful]

@Naomi007  Hi how are you doing?

[Naomi007]

Hi Greatful

 

I'm hanging in there

 

It's been tough still

 

How are you?

 

 

[Greatful]

@Naomi007  Thank you for letting me know you are okay.  At least as well as you can be.  Are you still getting sleep?   Are you seeing any improvements?  

 Have you looked at any of the success stories?  

It might help to connect with a few members for support and encouragement.  This is something Wd is very hard to do alone.  Post anytime, if you want to  complain, or just to talk,  what ever you need to do to get on the other side of this.

You are a very courageous and strong woman.  8 months and going strong

[Greatful]

@Naomi007  How are you doing?  

[Naomi007]

 

I am 9 months 1 week off AD, and Benzos,

 

still struggling, anxiety, panic, dizziness, racing thoughts, maybe Depersonalization

scared of thoughts

instrusive at times 

repetitive thoughts

FEAR

Feels like my brain is skipping

or zapping me with anxiety

In the morning I can hear electricity in my head, not zaps, just sounds

Will i eventually go crazy?

 

 

Its super hard to live everyday like this

 

Thank you for reaching out

 

 

 

[Greatful]

 @Naomi  It can be a challenge at times.  I can say I am sorry though and can feel your pain.  Tough day for me too.  I was reminded by a members thread that when we are in a wave that is when our brain is healing.  That is comforting when to remind yourself when you are wondering why and how can I go on.  It will pass and the sun will shine again even if only for a few minute, hours. 

 

Just about everything on your list is going on with me, you are not alone.  The electricity in the brain is crazy.  Remind yourself the thoughts are just thoughts do not engage with them, they can't hurt you then distract yourself with anything.  Do you meditate?  I try and lay on my bed everyday and meditate, I use head space.  if I can't relax and let my redirect my thoughts  to my breathing, that's okay at least I am resting and teaching my body to relax.  I do think it has helped slow my brain down a little and is teaching me to not engage in my thoughts as much.

 

Be kind to yourself and know that time is what is going to heal us.☺️

[Naomi007]

thank you so much

 

You were so quick to respond

 

I am doing the Waking Up App and trying meditation everyday

I also started looking at the Gupta program, but haven't decided if this could help

I wish you a calm day and healing vibes coming your way

 

 

[Greatful]

@Naomi007  Hi, stopping by to see how you are doing.  You were not feeling very good last time we spoke.  I hope things have calmed down some.

 

[Naomi007]

thanks  Greatful

 

Still hanging on

really rough at times with windows in the evening usually

 

mostly anxiety, panic, fear, mood low, rage feelings, hopeless at times

I'm almost 10 months and I can't really figure out if I have made any progress

 

How are you doing?

love to hear more about you and your journey

 

Thanks again

 

[Holly18]

Hey Naomi,

 

Do you keep track of your symptoms and how severe they are?

Sometimes it's hard to gauge our progress. I know that when I'm experiencing a wave of bad symptoms it feels like i never felt better, i never will feel better, and i never made any progress at all.

A mistake i made when i first quit antidepressants a year and a half ago was giving myself a time frame to feel better. i expected to feel better within 3 months when in reality i felt way way worse. it only made me frustrated and hopeless.

It's been 10 months since you quit almost all psych drugs but you have been taking them for a long long time, so your body and brain need time to readjust.

I know that its easier said than done, but have patience. hand in there and take care of yourself as best as you can. You're not alone and we're here to support you in your journey.

 

[Greatful]

@Naomi007 

It is nice to hear you are getting windows in the evening.  Any break is always welcome.  It sure is crazy how you can feel better  and then you barely settle into to it and then the shade starts to come down. 😞   I am feeling better in the evening then wake up in the morning, can't remember how it feels to feel good........... Mornings are generally the hardest.

 

2 hours ago, Naomi007 said:

mostly anxiety, panic, fear, mood low, rage feelings, hopeless at times

Sounds like typical W/D symptoms.  The low mood (depression) is a hard on for me.  Yes , the panic, it is always there lurking, sometimes just below the surface.  The fear too,  What's with the feelings of fear.  It doesn't make sense, what do we have to fear?  

You should check out the Symptoms and Self-Care forum.  There are a lot of threads that talk about these crazy things that happen in W/D fear, guilt, ocd, ruminating about things in the past,  crazy stuff.  I found it to be helpful in relieving some of the bewilderment of things that were happening to me.  I wasn't going crazy!  I am not alone!

 

Keeping track of your days will help to look back on when you are in a wave.  Some people will use their thread and post often to document their journey.  Posting is good also a good way to get encouragement from other members.

 

I have a long and messy history with these nasty drugs.  You can click on the link in my med signature if are interested.

 

You are doing a great.😊

I know how hard it is to keep motivated when it has been going on for so long.

We only can be in today, so that's all we have to get through.  Tomorrow will take care of itself♥️

 

[Naomi007]

hello again

 

So something weird is happennning

 

I have been using Adrenosense supplement 1/4 - 1/2 capsule the last few months off and on with some success

Felt like it was helping my mood and adrenaline surges

 

Lately after not taking it for 5 days

I tried again

Heart racing, shaking inside, revved up feelings, not sleeping good, feel scared that I am giving myself akathisia from this

But WHY now,  I never noticed it before

I really think it is one of the few things I thought was helping

Sooooooooooooooooo disappointed

Im in perimenopause and my cycles are really acting strange,,like ovulation during my period, wondering if this is somehow connected to this reaction

Wondering if this will settle in time????

 

 

Thanks for listening

 

[Greatful]

@Naomi007  You might want to tag a mod.   Sounds like you are having a reaction to the supplement.  

Maybe @getofflex can answer your question.

 

Hang in there, things will stable out☺️

[Shep]

17 hours ago, Naomi007 said:

I have been using Adrenosense supplement 1/4 - 1/2 capsule the last few months off and on with some success

Felt like it was helping my mood and adrenaline surges

 

Lately after not taking it for 5 days

I tried again

Heart racing, shaking inside, revved up feelings, not sleeping good, feel scared that I am giving myself akathisia from this

But WHY now,  I never noticed it before

I really think it is one of the few things I thought was helping

 

It's best to be very consistent with drugs and with supplements. Varying the doses can cause problems. 

 

You may want to reinstate the supplement at a much lower dose. It sounds like your nervous system is hyper-reacting to it after being off it for several days. This is also a sign that when you're ready to come off it, it's a supplement you'll likely need to taper. Just a thought for the future. 

 

Please have a read of the first post of the reinstatement thread. Even though you're dealing with a supplement and not a psychiatric drug, the reasons for reinstating at a low dose will relate to what you're going through:

 

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms

[Naomi007]

thank you so much

 

I am better again,  just a few rough days and then my system got used to the supplement again

 

Any idea, how I will ever reduce this olanzapine,  it has been so far the hardest medication I have ever tried to get off 

 

I am having many peaceful moments, less anxiety and scary thoughts,  my brain is generally been feeling a small amount better

Sleep is better as well

The biggest issue is flat feeling, emotional numbness, no excitement, passion,  not myself at all

I have never had this before,  I am pretty sure it is related to the olanazpine

I am almost willing to try anything to feel like myself again

 

Thank you again

 

[Greatful]

@Naomi007  I

1 hour ago, Naomi007 said:

I am almost willing to try anything to feel like myself again

I know your frustration.  Unfortunately time is the answer.  I really want my life back too.  But we  started this journey and need to see it through.  What other choice do we have. 

 

1 hour ago, Naomi007 said:

I am having many peaceful moments, less anxiety and scary thoughts,  my brain is generally been feeling a small amount better

Sleep is better as well

This is a positive sign that you are healing.  The rest of the symptoms will slowly disappear.

Read kenA's thread, it is a very encouraging story.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/22768-☼-kena-8-months-in-withdrawal-after-ct/?tab=comments#comment-484027

 

What kind of coping skill are you using.   

Have you had a chance to read through some of the success stories.

Reach out and connect with other members, sharing and encouraging each other really does help.

 

Here is a story I think you will like.  It is about a woman who recovered from benzo.  Altrastrata equates it to anyone who has taken any brain altering drug.  Click on the title and it should open

Take care of yourself.

We are always here for you❤️