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Fallensoul: introducing my story, a fallen soul, when happiness turns into horror

Fallensoul

By Fallensoul
in Introductions and updates

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Fallensoul Newbie

Fallensoul

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25-5 Felt a bit better this day, (but still far from good)

 

9:30     Awake after broken sleep, sleep set in late in the night 5am, not anxious or stressed, take lorazepam 0,8mg, go to sleep

12:00   Wakeup, shortly tired (depleted energy and stiff muscles) quickly stressed/restless/nervous, less DR/DP

             eat one slice of bread and a cup of green tea, 0,8mg lorazepam, 500mg gaba, 5mg Lithium Orotate, 500mg, 200mg magnesium

             citrate , 1000mg vit. C, 15mg Zinc, 2mg Molybdeen Glycinate, 2000mg Omega 3-6-9 and lay on counch recovering from wakeup sequence

15:00   Take coffee and cig, became anxious/panicly with intrussive thoughts about breathing, which peaked at 15:50u, even cry of this madness, after

            this time easing 

17:00   Dinner, feel less restless/panicly/anxious, have appetite, take 5,22 mg Paroxetine, 0,8mg lorazepam, 500mg gaba, 5mg Lithium Orotate

             200mg magnesium citrate , 1000mg vit. C, 2mg Molybdeen Glycinate, 2000mg Omega 3-6-9

17:30   take smal cup of coffee and one sigarette, became more nervous again, even down mood, and not feeling wel in body and mind (unhappy)

19:30   take green tea and a cig, felt not good mentally and physically, no joy/unhappy/no drive or motivation, nervous, put cig away after half smoked

2015    take oranje juice and a smoke, have cycling neuro emotions, I constantly scanning mood, try to find the patch to feel normal and happy             

            (searching for my old self), I feel it's not far away, but to unstable right now.  Intrusive thoughts about breathing not an issue right now, have no

             control over it (pink Elephant). (considering CBT for it, allthough its gone when I'm not anxious or nervous, so wonder if treatable)

20:30   Watching TV, better mood, anxiety gone, hyper in stead of it in head, diffult to concentrate

22:00   Taking Mirt 2,2mg, Lorazepam 0,40mg Lormetazepam 0,40mg, 500mg gaba, 5mg Lithium Orotate,  200mg magnesium citrate , 1000mg vit.C, 

             2mg Molybdeen Glycinate             

22:20   Walking the dog, still hyper, no anxity, not even in the darkest parks
22:45   Doing some PC stuff, less hyper, but still tot calm
23:00   Take 22mg Clomipramine and continue some websurfing on PC 

0.15u    Go to bed.

 
Day score 4,5 (4-5,5) the later over a shorter time in the evening.

1998-2020  Paroxetine 20mg, stopped working 2018/08 tapered down to 6mg now @ 1%/week 2019 /04      Lorazepam 3x1mg, 1x0,5mg night, Lormetazepam 0,5mg night
2019/05       Buspirone addition 3x5mg worked like wonders for one month, stopped ct 2019/12        Mirtazipine, first 2x10mg til 2021/2, no effect, now 3mg for sleep
2020/06       Wellbutrin 6 weeks, no effect stopped ct 2020/08 Lexapro, trying, to crossover, got crazy from 1 mg/day after 6 days, stopped
2020/11        Clomipramine to 50mg, adverse effect, restless, panic, low mood, anxiety, fast taper down to 30 (plan is go to ~20 and hold and taper only parox. and benzo's and maybe Mirt if I sleep)

2021/1         3x1000mg gaba, 3x10mg Lithium Orotate, 3x 1000mg L-Tyrosine,2-3 times 1x400mg magnesium citrate , 2-3 times 1x1000mg vit. C,1x15mg Zinc,

                     3 times 2mg Molybdeen Glycinate, 2 times 2000mg Omgea 3-6-9 and 1x16mg B6 (P5P) 2021/03/17  Gaba, Tyrosine and Lithium orotate to 3x1 tablet.

2021/03/17   Cl 30, P 5,8. 2021/03/20 Cl 28. 2021/03/23 M 2,7. 2021/03/25 M 2,6, Cl 26, P 5,7. 2021/03/28 Cl 25. 2021/04/1 P 5,6. 2021/04/07 Cl 24,P 5,5. 2021/04/08 Cl 23,5. 2021/04/13 P5,4

2021/03/26  Lor 3x0,9, 1x0,45 night, Lorm 0,45night 2021/04/13 CL 23, M 2,5. 2021/04/16 Cl 22,5, P 5,3. 2021/04/18 M 2,4. 2021/04/24 Cl 22. 2021/04/29 M2,3, P5,28. 2021/05/8 Cl 21,5.

2021/05/9   M 2,2, P 5,22. 2021/05/12 Cl back to 22, 2021/05/20 Lor 3x0,8, night 1x0,40 Lorm 1x0,40 2021/05/27 Cl 20(holding)2021/05/28 P5,15 (holding)2021/05/31 Cl 22 (holding)

2021/06/7   Lor 3x0,75 1x0,38 night, Lorm 0,38night 2021/11/7 P5

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Hanna72
Hanna72

Hi @Fallensoul The lower you get in dosage, the harder it is. Even if you have pooped out, I would still recommend a slow taper.    Many people here have experienced this along with

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Hi @Fallensoul I would like to share something with you about anxiety and busy mind. Its tempting to look at one’s own mind and identity so called imperfections as obstacles. But it is our a

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PerAsperaAdAstra

Hi @Fallensoul! I'm also tapering off of Seroxat so I'm following.   You're using quite a hefty combination of medications: Mirtazipine, Seroxat, Clomipramine and Lorazepam. I'm just a layma

Fallensoul Newbie

Fallensoul

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  • Author
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Terrible restlessness in head and body, diahrea, frequent watery urine, dry mouth can't do much, cant concentrate, no anxiety, but chaos in my brain. 

 

Also problems with sleep.

Esp. the last one since I dropped the benzo's 10%.

I have become worse since the last benzodrop.

Did I drop to much, and shoud I do 5%? Or wait another few days. How long should this last?

Feel really bad.

1998-2020  Paroxetine 20mg, stopped working 2018/08 tapered down to 6mg now @ 1%/week 2019 /04      Lorazepam 3x1mg, 1x0,5mg night, Lormetazepam 0,5mg night
2019/05       Buspirone addition 3x5mg worked like wonders for one month, stopped ct 2019/12        Mirtazipine, first 2x10mg til 2021/2, no effect, now 3mg for sleep
2020/06       Wellbutrin 6 weeks, no effect stopped ct 2020/08 Lexapro, trying, to crossover, got crazy from 1 mg/day after 6 days, stopped
2020/11        Clomipramine to 50mg, adverse effect, restless, panic, low mood, anxiety, fast taper down to 30 (plan is go to ~20 and hold and taper only parox. and benzo's and maybe Mirt if I sleep)

2021/1         3x1000mg gaba, 3x10mg Lithium Orotate, 3x 1000mg L-Tyrosine,2-3 times 1x400mg magnesium citrate , 2-3 times 1x1000mg vit. C,1x15mg Zinc,

                     3 times 2mg Molybdeen Glycinate, 2 times 2000mg Omgea 3-6-9 and 1x16mg B6 (P5P) 2021/03/17  Gaba, Tyrosine and Lithium orotate to 3x1 tablet.

2021/03/17   Cl 30, P 5,8. 2021/03/20 Cl 28. 2021/03/23 M 2,7. 2021/03/25 M 2,6, Cl 26, P 5,7. 2021/03/28 Cl 25. 2021/04/1 P 5,6. 2021/04/07 Cl 24,P 5,5. 2021/04/08 Cl 23,5. 2021/04/13 P5,4

2021/03/26  Lor 3x0,9, 1x0,45 night, Lorm 0,45night 2021/04/13 CL 23, M 2,5. 2021/04/16 Cl 22,5, P 5,3. 2021/04/18 M 2,4. 2021/04/24 Cl 22. 2021/04/29 M2,3, P5,28. 2021/05/8 Cl 21,5.

2021/05/9   M 2,2, P 5,22. 2021/05/12 Cl back to 22, 2021/05/20 Lor 3x0,8, night 1x0,40 Lorm 1x0,40 2021/05/27 Cl 20(holding)2021/05/28 P5,15 (holding)2021/05/31 Cl 22 (holding)

2021/06/7   Lor 3x0,75 1x0,38 night, Lorm 0,38night 2021/11/7 P5

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Fallensoul Newbie

Fallensoul

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I feel I fall into a burnout.

It's time to eliminate a few stressors,

tommorow no caffeine and nictotine before dinner.

1998-2020  Paroxetine 20mg, stopped working 2018/08 tapered down to 6mg now @ 1%/week 2019 /04      Lorazepam 3x1mg, 1x0,5mg night, Lormetazepam 0,5mg night
2019/05       Buspirone addition 3x5mg worked like wonders for one month, stopped ct 2019/12        Mirtazipine, first 2x10mg til 2021/2, no effect, now 3mg for sleep
2020/06       Wellbutrin 6 weeks, no effect stopped ct 2020/08 Lexapro, trying, to crossover, got crazy from 1 mg/day after 6 days, stopped
2020/11        Clomipramine to 50mg, adverse effect, restless, panic, low mood, anxiety, fast taper down to 30 (plan is go to ~20 and hold and taper only parox. and benzo's and maybe Mirt if I sleep)

2021/1         3x1000mg gaba, 3x10mg Lithium Orotate, 3x 1000mg L-Tyrosine,2-3 times 1x400mg magnesium citrate , 2-3 times 1x1000mg vit. C,1x15mg Zinc,

                     3 times 2mg Molybdeen Glycinate, 2 times 2000mg Omgea 3-6-9 and 1x16mg B6 (P5P) 2021/03/17  Gaba, Tyrosine and Lithium orotate to 3x1 tablet.

2021/03/17   Cl 30, P 5,8. 2021/03/20 Cl 28. 2021/03/23 M 2,7. 2021/03/25 M 2,6, Cl 26, P 5,7. 2021/03/28 Cl 25. 2021/04/1 P 5,6. 2021/04/07 Cl 24,P 5,5. 2021/04/08 Cl 23,5. 2021/04/13 P5,4

2021/03/26  Lor 3x0,9, 1x0,45 night, Lorm 0,45night 2021/04/13 CL 23, M 2,5. 2021/04/16 Cl 22,5, P 5,3. 2021/04/18 M 2,4. 2021/04/24 Cl 22. 2021/04/29 M2,3, P5,28. 2021/05/8 Cl 21,5.

2021/05/9   M 2,2, P 5,22. 2021/05/12 Cl back to 22, 2021/05/20 Lor 3x0,8, night 1x0,40 Lorm 1x0,40 2021/05/27 Cl 20(holding)2021/05/28 P5,15 (holding)2021/05/31 Cl 22 (holding)

2021/06/7   Lor 3x0,75 1x0,38 night, Lorm 0,38night 2021/11/7 P5

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Hanna72 Contributor

Hanna72

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42 minutes ago, Fallensoul said:

It's time to eliminate a few stressors,

tommorow no caffeine and nictotine before dinner.

Sounds good fallen!

I personally had to quit coffee, and it pays off.

 

If I were you I would try not scanning your body for symptoms. It will just make everything worse, and our thoughts can get stuck in a bad place if we indulge in this kind of over thinking.

Distraction is key, if you are able to work on that. 

I see you have a dog, how lucky you are, I love animals and they can be such a loving support to humans during difficult times.

Praying for a relief for you, and know it will happen, even if you don’t feel it at the moment.

 


1999-2020  20 mg Paxil

Bridged with Fluoxetine to help me get off Paxil.

2022 Fluoxetine 15 mg 12/12 14mg 27/12  13mg jan 12mg feb 11mg mars 10mg, 9 mg 8,5 mg 7.6mg 7.0 mg 6,3 mg 5,6 mg 5,0 mg 4,5 mg 4,0 mg 3.6mg 3,2 mg 2,9 mg 2,6 mg 2,3 mg 2,0 mg 1.8 mg

 


I am not a medical professional nor is this a medical advice. I only talk from my own experience.

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Fallensoul Newbie

Fallensoul

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Posted

Hey Hanna,

 

Good to hear, coffee and a cig is my favorite combo, but my nerves can't handle it anymore. I allmost felt crazy, crawling into my shell..Should this sudden worse state come due the benzo taper, just 6 days agoo?

 

Scanning goes on it's own, but I try to remember that.

 

My dog is my child, my everything, he allmost  feel my emotions.

 

Thank you, and how are you doing?

 

Healing hugs to you too!

 

 

1998-2020  Paroxetine 20mg, stopped working 2018/08 tapered down to 6mg now @ 1%/week 2019 /04      Lorazepam 3x1mg, 1x0,5mg night, Lormetazepam 0,5mg night
2019/05       Buspirone addition 3x5mg worked like wonders for one month, stopped ct 2019/12        Mirtazipine, first 2x10mg til 2021/2, no effect, now 3mg for sleep
2020/06       Wellbutrin 6 weeks, no effect stopped ct 2020/08 Lexapro, trying, to crossover, got crazy from 1 mg/day after 6 days, stopped
2020/11        Clomipramine to 50mg, adverse effect, restless, panic, low mood, anxiety, fast taper down to 30 (plan is go to ~20 and hold and taper only parox. and benzo's and maybe Mirt if I sleep)

2021/1         3x1000mg gaba, 3x10mg Lithium Orotate, 3x 1000mg L-Tyrosine,2-3 times 1x400mg magnesium citrate , 2-3 times 1x1000mg vit. C,1x15mg Zinc,

                     3 times 2mg Molybdeen Glycinate, 2 times 2000mg Omgea 3-6-9 and 1x16mg B6 (P5P) 2021/03/17  Gaba, Tyrosine and Lithium orotate to 3x1 tablet.

2021/03/17   Cl 30, P 5,8. 2021/03/20 Cl 28. 2021/03/23 M 2,7. 2021/03/25 M 2,6, Cl 26, P 5,7. 2021/03/28 Cl 25. 2021/04/1 P 5,6. 2021/04/07 Cl 24,P 5,5. 2021/04/08 Cl 23,5. 2021/04/13 P5,4

2021/03/26  Lor 3x0,9, 1x0,45 night, Lorm 0,45night 2021/04/13 CL 23, M 2,5. 2021/04/16 Cl 22,5, P 5,3. 2021/04/18 M 2,4. 2021/04/24 Cl 22. 2021/04/29 M2,3, P5,28. 2021/05/8 Cl 21,5.

2021/05/9   M 2,2, P 5,22. 2021/05/12 Cl back to 22, 2021/05/20 Lor 3x0,8, night 1x0,40 Lorm 1x0,40 2021/05/27 Cl 20(holding)2021/05/28 P5,15 (holding)2021/05/31 Cl 22 (holding)

2021/06/7   Lor 3x0,75 1x0,38 night, Lorm 0,38night 2021/11/7 P5

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Fallensoul Newbie

Fallensoul

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26-5 Felt worse, esp. first half of the day, less intrussive thoughts, but still scared for it.

 

9:30     Awake after broken sleep, sleep set in late in the night 6am, not anxious or stressed, take lorazepam 0,8mg, go to sleep

12:20   Wakeup, shortly tired (depleted energy and stiff muscles) quickly stressed/restless/panicly/nervouss, this time more in my head, again DR/DP

             eat one slice of bread and a cup of green tea, 0,8mg lorazepam, 500mg gaba, 5mg Lithium Orotate, 500mg, 200mg magnesium

             citrate , 1000mg vit. C, 15mg Zinc, 2mg Molybdeen Glycinate, 2000mg Omega 3-6-9 and lay on counch, feel awfull, disconnected, panic/chaos

             in my head, recovering from wakeup

13:30   Take coffee and cigarette, felt awfull, extreme stress/nervous/panic/restless, diahrea, complete chaos, disabled in any way, can't focus or

             concentrate, it scares me this state of mind exists...

15:15   Visite came, take half cup of coffee and cig, same story, throw coffee and cig. away, totally disrupted in mind, "noise", uncalm mess, no

            anxiety....DR/DP, often to toilet with watery urine (stress)

17:00   Dinner, feel less restless/panicly/anxious, have appetite, take 5,22 mg Paroxetine, 0,8mg lorazepam, 500mg gaba, 5mg Lithium Orotate

             200mg magnesium citrate , 1000mg vit. C, 2mg Molybdeen Glycinate, 2000mg Omega 3-6-9

17:45   take half cup of coffee and one cigarette, less restless, DR/DP lessens, but down mood, no motivation, so far away of my old self...wonder how               ever come out of this madness

19:45   take oranje juice and a cigarette, unexpected calmness, but a strange down passive/unhappy mood, lack of positive energy

20:30   Watching TV, calm, but down mood

22:00   Taking Mirt 2,2mg, Lorazepam 0,40mg Lormetazepam 0,40mg, 500mg gaba, 5mg Lithium Orotate,  200mg magnesium citrate , 1000mg vit.C, 

             2mg Molybdeen Glycinate             

22:20   Walking the dog, no change
22:40   Doing some PC stuff, slighty less bad mood, fairly calm

23:00   Take 22mg Clomipramine and continue some websurfing on PC no change

0.15u    Go to bed.

Day score 4  (3-5) the latter over a short time in the evening.

Going to stop caffeine and smoking before dinner, to give my nerves more rest.

1998-2020  Paroxetine 20mg, stopped working 2018/08 tapered down to 6mg now @ 1%/week 2019 /04      Lorazepam 3x1mg, 1x0,5mg night, Lormetazepam 0,5mg night
2019/05       Buspirone addition 3x5mg worked like wonders for one month, stopped ct 2019/12        Mirtazipine, first 2x10mg til 2021/2, no effect, now 3mg for sleep
2020/06       Wellbutrin 6 weeks, no effect stopped ct 2020/08 Lexapro, trying, to crossover, got crazy from 1 mg/day after 6 days, stopped
2020/11        Clomipramine to 50mg, adverse effect, restless, panic, low mood, anxiety, fast taper down to 30 (plan is go to ~20 and hold and taper only parox. and benzo's and maybe Mirt if I sleep)

2021/1         3x1000mg gaba, 3x10mg Lithium Orotate, 3x 1000mg L-Tyrosine,2-3 times 1x400mg magnesium citrate , 2-3 times 1x1000mg vit. C,1x15mg Zinc,

                     3 times 2mg Molybdeen Glycinate, 2 times 2000mg Omgea 3-6-9 and 1x16mg B6 (P5P) 2021/03/17  Gaba, Tyrosine and Lithium orotate to 3x1 tablet.

2021/03/17   Cl 30, P 5,8. 2021/03/20 Cl 28. 2021/03/23 M 2,7. 2021/03/25 M 2,6, Cl 26, P 5,7. 2021/03/28 Cl 25. 2021/04/1 P 5,6. 2021/04/07 Cl 24,P 5,5. 2021/04/08 Cl 23,5. 2021/04/13 P5,4

2021/03/26  Lor 3x0,9, 1x0,45 night, Lorm 0,45night 2021/04/13 CL 23, M 2,5. 2021/04/16 Cl 22,5, P 5,3. 2021/04/18 M 2,4. 2021/04/24 Cl 22. 2021/04/29 M2,3, P5,28. 2021/05/8 Cl 21,5.

2021/05/9   M 2,2, P 5,22. 2021/05/12 Cl back to 22, 2021/05/20 Lor 3x0,8, night 1x0,40 Lorm 1x0,40 2021/05/27 Cl 20(holding)2021/05/28 P5,15 (holding)2021/05/31 Cl 22 (holding)

2021/06/7   Lor 3x0,75 1x0,38 night, Lorm 0,38night 2021/11/7 P5

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Fallensoul Newbie

Fallensoul

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Again a horrible, awfull day here, exhausted, depressed/very sad mood, disconnected,  dr/dp.

Most people here get a cause, but I  get not many answers on my questions, whats the main cause I still feeling this way, I had increasing stress last weeks, in extreme amounts, is this it?. I really lose hope, I felt better weeks ago, and now this..I don't know it anymore.

For the first time I lost hope, that I get out of this soon...

 

1998-2020  Paroxetine 20mg, stopped working 2018/08 tapered down to 6mg now @ 1%/week 2019 /04      Lorazepam 3x1mg, 1x0,5mg night, Lormetazepam 0,5mg night
2019/05       Buspirone addition 3x5mg worked like wonders for one month, stopped ct 2019/12        Mirtazipine, first 2x10mg til 2021/2, no effect, now 3mg for sleep
2020/06       Wellbutrin 6 weeks, no effect stopped ct 2020/08 Lexapro, trying, to crossover, got crazy from 1 mg/day after 6 days, stopped
2020/11        Clomipramine to 50mg, adverse effect, restless, panic, low mood, anxiety, fast taper down to 30 (plan is go to ~20 and hold and taper only parox. and benzo's and maybe Mirt if I sleep)

2021/1         3x1000mg gaba, 3x10mg Lithium Orotate, 3x 1000mg L-Tyrosine,2-3 times 1x400mg magnesium citrate , 2-3 times 1x1000mg vit. C,1x15mg Zinc,

                     3 times 2mg Molybdeen Glycinate, 2 times 2000mg Omgea 3-6-9 and 1x16mg B6 (P5P) 2021/03/17  Gaba, Tyrosine and Lithium orotate to 3x1 tablet.

2021/03/17   Cl 30, P 5,8. 2021/03/20 Cl 28. 2021/03/23 M 2,7. 2021/03/25 M 2,6, Cl 26, P 5,7. 2021/03/28 Cl 25. 2021/04/1 P 5,6. 2021/04/07 Cl 24,P 5,5. 2021/04/08 Cl 23,5. 2021/04/13 P5,4

2021/03/26  Lor 3x0,9, 1x0,45 night, Lorm 0,45night 2021/04/13 CL 23, M 2,5. 2021/04/16 Cl 22,5, P 5,3. 2021/04/18 M 2,4. 2021/04/24 Cl 22. 2021/04/29 M2,3, P5,28. 2021/05/8 Cl 21,5.

2021/05/9   M 2,2, P 5,22. 2021/05/12 Cl back to 22, 2021/05/20 Lor 3x0,8, night 1x0,40 Lorm 1x0,40 2021/05/27 Cl 20(holding)2021/05/28 P5,15 (holding)2021/05/31 Cl 22 (holding)

2021/06/7   Lor 3x0,75 1x0,38 night, Lorm 0,38night 2021/11/7 P5

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brassmonkey Contributor

brassmonkey

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  • Moderator
Posted

Hope, expectations and acceptance all go hand in hand. ADWD is a very long and drawn process, yet it can change from hour to hour. Focusing on those hourly changes can be a very exhausting and disheartening process, that can throw an person into the depths of despair. No matter how black a day is there is always some light. That light needs to be recognized and cherished so it can grow.

 

We strongly advocate a technique called AAF (Acknowledge, Accept, Float) there is a lot of discussion about it around the site, a quick site search will bring it up.

 

I want you to include something positive in your posts for a while. Also "dog energy" is one of the most healing things know to man.

2

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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Fallensoul Newbie

Fallensoul

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27-5 Felt even worse, after weeks of immens stress/panic, this time again exhausted, braindead, dr/dp, no motivation/sad depressed, not restless

         and panic anymore, symptoms are a lot like those in march intrussive thoughts also gone. This is a reaction on all the stress from (benzo

          tapering and dose split and back Paroxetine?)

 

9:30     Awake after reasoable sleep (7 hours) not anxious or stressed, take lorazepam 0,8mg, go to sleep

12:30   Wakeup, tired, also mental drained again DR/DP,  eat one slice of bread and a cup of green tea, 0,8mg lorazepam, 500mg gaba, 5mg Lithium

             Orotate, 500mg, 200mg magnesium citrate , 1000mg vit. C, 15mg Zinc, 2mg Molybdeen Glycinate, 2000mg Omega 3-6-9 and lay on counch,

             totally drained 

17:00   Dinner, no appetite, take 5,22 mg Paroxetine, 0,8mg lorazepam, 500mg gaba, 5mg Lithium Orotate, 200mg magnesium citrate , 1000mg vit.

            C, 2mg Molybdeen Glycinate, 2000mg Omega 3-6-9 feel awfull, empty, tired, no motivation, exhausted mentally and physically, crying at this

            misserable state, didn't expect this anymore

17:45   take half cup of coffee and one cigarette, no change in symptoms

19:45   take oranje juice and a cigarette, still down passive/unhappy mood, lack of positive energy, braindead feeling, zero drive, disconneted etc.

20:30   Watching TV, slowly less tired and slithly better mood

22:00   Taking Mirt 2,2mg, Lorazepam 0,40mg Lormetazepam 0,40mg, 500mg gaba, 5mg Lithium Orotate,  200mg magnesium citrate , 1000mg vit.C, 

             2mg Molybdeen Glycinate             

22:20   Walking the dog, improving a bit further
22:40   Doing some PC stuff

23:00   Take 20mg Clomipramine and continue some websurfing on PC

23.10   Go to bed.

Day score 3,5  (2,5-4,5) the latter over a short time in the evening.

Clomipramine to 20 due stop smoking before dinner, so metabolism goes down, at ~10%.

@brassmonkey, thanks I will look it up and thanks for the tip, it was indeed black a day. The strange thing is, when I look at my dog, I feel bad emotional, I want to give him so much more of how I used to be.  
And most of the days I have some lights, but I'm perplex it went down hill the last days..and about 2 weeks, if not recovered enough, I will lose my dreamjob and maybe my house.  I still can't believe whats happening to me, even after three years...But I never give up and hope one day the missery ends.

1998-2020  Paroxetine 20mg, stopped working 2018/08 tapered down to 6mg now @ 1%/week 2019 /04      Lorazepam 3x1mg, 1x0,5mg night, Lormetazepam 0,5mg night
2019/05       Buspirone addition 3x5mg worked like wonders for one month, stopped ct 2019/12        Mirtazipine, first 2x10mg til 2021/2, no effect, now 3mg for sleep
2020/06       Wellbutrin 6 weeks, no effect stopped ct 2020/08 Lexapro, trying, to crossover, got crazy from 1 mg/day after 6 days, stopped
2020/11        Clomipramine to 50mg, adverse effect, restless, panic, low mood, anxiety, fast taper down to 30 (plan is go to ~20 and hold and taper only parox. and benzo's and maybe Mirt if I sleep)

2021/1         3x1000mg gaba, 3x10mg Lithium Orotate, 3x 1000mg L-Tyrosine,2-3 times 1x400mg magnesium citrate , 2-3 times 1x1000mg vit. C,1x15mg Zinc,

                     3 times 2mg Molybdeen Glycinate, 2 times 2000mg Omgea 3-6-9 and 1x16mg B6 (P5P) 2021/03/17  Gaba, Tyrosine and Lithium orotate to 3x1 tablet.

2021/03/17   Cl 30, P 5,8. 2021/03/20 Cl 28. 2021/03/23 M 2,7. 2021/03/25 M 2,6, Cl 26, P 5,7. 2021/03/28 Cl 25. 2021/04/1 P 5,6. 2021/04/07 Cl 24,P 5,5. 2021/04/08 Cl 23,5. 2021/04/13 P5,4

2021/03/26  Lor 3x0,9, 1x0,45 night, Lorm 0,45night 2021/04/13 CL 23, M 2,5. 2021/04/16 Cl 22,5, P 5,3. 2021/04/18 M 2,4. 2021/04/24 Cl 22. 2021/04/29 M2,3, P5,28. 2021/05/8 Cl 21,5.

2021/05/9   M 2,2, P 5,22. 2021/05/12 Cl back to 22, 2021/05/20 Lor 3x0,8, night 1x0,40 Lorm 1x0,40 2021/05/27 Cl 20(holding)2021/05/28 P5,15 (holding)2021/05/31 Cl 22 (holding)

2021/06/7   Lor 3x0,75 1x0,38 night, Lorm 0,38night 2021/11/7 P5

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Johni Rookie

Johni

Posted
Posted

 

Greetings from Hungary . I totally feel what you're going through. My situation is similar for me. I was fine with 4.2 mg Cipralex. Under 4.2, however, everything got there. my mood under the frog's ass. Motivation is not much. anhedonia and depression alternate hourly. It’s best to try to go through it all. I struggle with hopelessness every day. I’m just trying to get through it without adding added negative thoughts. Try to focus on what you are doing, even if it is just tv. based on my observation, not thinking about my situation makes things so much better. I’ve noticed that thoughts affect the situation much more. When I go into the mind on a thought plane, they get much deeper. I wish endurance

 2023.01.27 1,6 mg 2023.01.29 1,5 mg 2023.02.27 1,35 mg 2023.03.30 1,2 mg 2023.04.18 1,1 mg 04,26 1,05 mg 2023.01.26 1,05 mg 2023.02.27 .27 .20. .21 0,8 mg 2023.07.14 0,65 mg 2023.08.20 0,45 mg 2023.09.20 0,25 mg 2023.11.14 000000000!!!!!

 

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Fallensoul Newbie

Fallensoul

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Hello Johni,

 

yeah, it has possible to dowith receptor accupancy and with low dose, there is a relative big difference in occupancy.

You're right,  also try to focus on reality, but sometimes the feelings and mental suffering is to big, or I cann't cope with daily impulses as my nerves are overstimulated due changing in drugs.
It would also help me if some mod could answer my questions, allthough they do the best they can.

Stay strong, you are on the right track :)

1998-2020  Paroxetine 20mg, stopped working 2018/08 tapered down to 6mg now @ 1%/week 2019 /04      Lorazepam 3x1mg, 1x0,5mg night, Lormetazepam 0,5mg night
2019/05       Buspirone addition 3x5mg worked like wonders for one month, stopped ct 2019/12        Mirtazipine, first 2x10mg til 2021/2, no effect, now 3mg for sleep
2020/06       Wellbutrin 6 weeks, no effect stopped ct 2020/08 Lexapro, trying, to crossover, got crazy from 1 mg/day after 6 days, stopped
2020/11        Clomipramine to 50mg, adverse effect, restless, panic, low mood, anxiety, fast taper down to 30 (plan is go to ~20 and hold and taper only parox. and benzo's and maybe Mirt if I sleep)

2021/1         3x1000mg gaba, 3x10mg Lithium Orotate, 3x 1000mg L-Tyrosine,2-3 times 1x400mg magnesium citrate , 2-3 times 1x1000mg vit. C,1x15mg Zinc,

                     3 times 2mg Molybdeen Glycinate, 2 times 2000mg Omgea 3-6-9 and 1x16mg B6 (P5P) 2021/03/17  Gaba, Tyrosine and Lithium orotate to 3x1 tablet.

2021/03/17   Cl 30, P 5,8. 2021/03/20 Cl 28. 2021/03/23 M 2,7. 2021/03/25 M 2,6, Cl 26, P 5,7. 2021/03/28 Cl 25. 2021/04/1 P 5,6. 2021/04/07 Cl 24,P 5,5. 2021/04/08 Cl 23,5. 2021/04/13 P5,4

2021/03/26  Lor 3x0,9, 1x0,45 night, Lorm 0,45night 2021/04/13 CL 23, M 2,5. 2021/04/16 Cl 22,5, P 5,3. 2021/04/18 M 2,4. 2021/04/24 Cl 22. 2021/04/29 M2,3, P5,28. 2021/05/8 Cl 21,5.

2021/05/9   M 2,2, P 5,22. 2021/05/12 Cl back to 22, 2021/05/20 Lor 3x0,8, night 1x0,40 Lorm 1x0,40 2021/05/27 Cl 20(holding)2021/05/28 P5,15 (holding)2021/05/31 Cl 22 (holding)

2021/06/7   Lor 3x0,75 1x0,38 night, Lorm 0,38night 2021/11/7 P5

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Fallensoul Newbie

Fallensoul

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Today again extremely overstimulated, when I wakeup, I cann't do anything but lay down and close my eys. Daily noise, light, in fact being awake, cause so much stress on my mind. But thank god, the symptoms often ease  in the evening, in fact now allready.

 

I guess the restlessness  has increased again due benzotaper?

No anxity, just so much restlesness in my mind, no bad thoughts, just an uncalm brain, I want to relax badly, eating much does help sometimes. Ah man, what a journey this is...at least depression and anxiety are gone atm, focussing on that, and I'm hungry :)

1998-2020  Paroxetine 20mg, stopped working 2018/08 tapered down to 6mg now @ 1%/week 2019 /04      Lorazepam 3x1mg, 1x0,5mg night, Lormetazepam 0,5mg night
2019/05       Buspirone addition 3x5mg worked like wonders for one month, stopped ct 2019/12        Mirtazipine, first 2x10mg til 2021/2, no effect, now 3mg for sleep
2020/06       Wellbutrin 6 weeks, no effect stopped ct 2020/08 Lexapro, trying, to crossover, got crazy from 1 mg/day after 6 days, stopped
2020/11        Clomipramine to 50mg, adverse effect, restless, panic, low mood, anxiety, fast taper down to 30 (plan is go to ~20 and hold and taper only parox. and benzo's and maybe Mirt if I sleep)

2021/1         3x1000mg gaba, 3x10mg Lithium Orotate, 3x 1000mg L-Tyrosine,2-3 times 1x400mg magnesium citrate , 2-3 times 1x1000mg vit. C,1x15mg Zinc,

                     3 times 2mg Molybdeen Glycinate, 2 times 2000mg Omgea 3-6-9 and 1x16mg B6 (P5P) 2021/03/17  Gaba, Tyrosine and Lithium orotate to 3x1 tablet.

2021/03/17   Cl 30, P 5,8. 2021/03/20 Cl 28. 2021/03/23 M 2,7. 2021/03/25 M 2,6, Cl 26, P 5,7. 2021/03/28 Cl 25. 2021/04/1 P 5,6. 2021/04/07 Cl 24,P 5,5. 2021/04/08 Cl 23,5. 2021/04/13 P5,4

2021/03/26  Lor 3x0,9, 1x0,45 night, Lorm 0,45night 2021/04/13 CL 23, M 2,5. 2021/04/16 Cl 22,5, P 5,3. 2021/04/18 M 2,4. 2021/04/24 Cl 22. 2021/04/29 M2,3, P5,28. 2021/05/8 Cl 21,5.

2021/05/9   M 2,2, P 5,22. 2021/05/12 Cl back to 22, 2021/05/20 Lor 3x0,8, night 1x0,40 Lorm 1x0,40 2021/05/27 Cl 20(holding)2021/05/28 P5,15 (holding)2021/05/31 Cl 22 (holding)

2021/06/7   Lor 3x0,75 1x0,38 night, Lorm 0,38night 2021/11/7 P5

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Fallensoul Newbie

Fallensoul

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  • Author
Posted

28-5 Felt a bit better after a rough start, fear for breathing OCD constant on the background.

 

9:30     Awake after broken sleep (5 hours) not anxious or stressed, take lorazepam 0,8mg, go to sleep

12:30   Wakeup, tired, could not handle daily impulses on nerves, DR/DP,  eat one slice of bread and a cup of green tea, 0,8mg lorazepam, 500mg

            gaba, 5mg Lithium Orotate, 500mg, 200mg magnesium citrate , 1000mg vit. C, 15mg Zinc, 2mg Molybdeen Glycinate, 2000mg Omega 3-6-9

            and lay on counch,

14:00  Slowly recovering, alltough a noisy head, still trouble with noisy sounds and unstable, restless consiousness feeling, not restless in body           

            anymore, mood neutral

17:00   Dinner, big appetite, slightly less restless in head, take 5,22 mg Paroxetine, 0,8mg lorazepam, 500mg gaba, 5mg Lithium Orotate, 200mg

            magnesium citrate , 1000mg vit. C, 2mg Molybdeen Glycinate, 2000mg Omega 3-6-9

17:45   take half cup of coffee and one cigarette, no change in symptoms, stil not calm in mind, mood neutral

19:45   walking the dog, still bordered/agitated by noisyness on the street, mind keeps on gooing, blocking al my thoughts, hobby's, likes etc. not

             anxious or depressed, but allmost crazy from that never easing mind.

20:15   Take oranje juice and a cig., again restless overstimulated mind, increasing thoughts about breathing again to be in detail, it make me nervous

             to watch TV and let my breathing alone, not to control, it keeps on panicking me., getting nuts from it 🙁 , what is this every time...?? I have a

             feeling its the last horde to take to be free of this insanity, this post AD journey. Whta's the trick to escape this? Nobody seems                to

             have had this? If I take 2,2 mg Mirt in the late evening its gone within 30 mins. It was introduced when I got on Paxil the first time, before

             never got these crazy things...

20:30   Watching TV, slowling easing mind

22:00   Taking Mirt 2,2mg, Lorazepam 0,40mg Lormetazepam 0,40mg, 500mg gaba, 5mg Lithium Orotate,  200mg magnesium citrate ,

             1000mg vit.C, 2mg Molybdeen Glycinate             

22:20   Walking the dog, improving a bit further
22:40   Doing some PC stuff, no change

23:00   Take 20mg Clomipramine and continue some websurfing on PC,no change

23.55   Go to bed.

Day score 4,5  (3,5-5,5), rough start, the latter over a short time in the evening.

I don't know if I continue with these notes, I get no feedback on it anymore, nor on my qeustions. I know its very busy on this site, but it's useless without feedback....

1998-2020  Paroxetine 20mg, stopped working 2018/08 tapered down to 6mg now @ 1%/week 2019 /04      Lorazepam 3x1mg, 1x0,5mg night, Lormetazepam 0,5mg night
2019/05       Buspirone addition 3x5mg worked like wonders for one month, stopped ct 2019/12        Mirtazipine, first 2x10mg til 2021/2, no effect, now 3mg for sleep
2020/06       Wellbutrin 6 weeks, no effect stopped ct 2020/08 Lexapro, trying, to crossover, got crazy from 1 mg/day after 6 days, stopped
2020/11        Clomipramine to 50mg, adverse effect, restless, panic, low mood, anxiety, fast taper down to 30 (plan is go to ~20 and hold and taper only parox. and benzo's and maybe Mirt if I sleep)

2021/1         3x1000mg gaba, 3x10mg Lithium Orotate, 3x 1000mg L-Tyrosine,2-3 times 1x400mg magnesium citrate , 2-3 times 1x1000mg vit. C,1x15mg Zinc,

                     3 times 2mg Molybdeen Glycinate, 2 times 2000mg Omgea 3-6-9 and 1x16mg B6 (P5P) 2021/03/17  Gaba, Tyrosine and Lithium orotate to 3x1 tablet.

2021/03/17   Cl 30, P 5,8. 2021/03/20 Cl 28. 2021/03/23 M 2,7. 2021/03/25 M 2,6, Cl 26, P 5,7. 2021/03/28 Cl 25. 2021/04/1 P 5,6. 2021/04/07 Cl 24,P 5,5. 2021/04/08 Cl 23,5. 2021/04/13 P5,4

2021/03/26  Lor 3x0,9, 1x0,45 night, Lorm 0,45night 2021/04/13 CL 23, M 2,5. 2021/04/16 Cl 22,5, P 5,3. 2021/04/18 M 2,4. 2021/04/24 Cl 22. 2021/04/29 M2,3, P5,28. 2021/05/8 Cl 21,5.

2021/05/9   M 2,2, P 5,22. 2021/05/12 Cl back to 22, 2021/05/20 Lor 3x0,8, night 1x0,40 Lorm 1x0,40 2021/05/27 Cl 20(holding)2021/05/28 P5,15 (holding)2021/05/31 Cl 22 (holding)

2021/06/7   Lor 3x0,75 1x0,38 night, Lorm 0,38night 2021/11/7 P5

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Fallensoul Newbie

Fallensoul

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  • Author
Posted

I don't why I don't get feedback anymore on daily notes and no answers on my questions. Every attempt to get constructive in depth, is impossible...

1998-2020  Paroxetine 20mg, stopped working 2018/08 tapered down to 6mg now @ 1%/week 2019 /04      Lorazepam 3x1mg, 1x0,5mg night, Lormetazepam 0,5mg night
2019/05       Buspirone addition 3x5mg worked like wonders for one month, stopped ct 2019/12        Mirtazipine, first 2x10mg til 2021/2, no effect, now 3mg for sleep
2020/06       Wellbutrin 6 weeks, no effect stopped ct 2020/08 Lexapro, trying, to crossover, got crazy from 1 mg/day after 6 days, stopped
2020/11        Clomipramine to 50mg, adverse effect, restless, panic, low mood, anxiety, fast taper down to 30 (plan is go to ~20 and hold and taper only parox. and benzo's and maybe Mirt if I sleep)

2021/1         3x1000mg gaba, 3x10mg Lithium Orotate, 3x 1000mg L-Tyrosine,2-3 times 1x400mg magnesium citrate , 2-3 times 1x1000mg vit. C,1x15mg Zinc,

                     3 times 2mg Molybdeen Glycinate, 2 times 2000mg Omgea 3-6-9 and 1x16mg B6 (P5P) 2021/03/17  Gaba, Tyrosine and Lithium orotate to 3x1 tablet.

2021/03/17   Cl 30, P 5,8. 2021/03/20 Cl 28. 2021/03/23 M 2,7. 2021/03/25 M 2,6, Cl 26, P 5,7. 2021/03/28 Cl 25. 2021/04/1 P 5,6. 2021/04/07 Cl 24,P 5,5. 2021/04/08 Cl 23,5. 2021/04/13 P5,4

2021/03/26  Lor 3x0,9, 1x0,45 night, Lorm 0,45night 2021/04/13 CL 23, M 2,5. 2021/04/16 Cl 22,5, P 5,3. 2021/04/18 M 2,4. 2021/04/24 Cl 22. 2021/04/29 M2,3, P5,28. 2021/05/8 Cl 21,5.

2021/05/9   M 2,2, P 5,22. 2021/05/12 Cl back to 22, 2021/05/20 Lor 3x0,8, night 1x0,40 Lorm 1x0,40 2021/05/27 Cl 20(holding)2021/05/28 P5,15 (holding)2021/05/31 Cl 22 (holding)

2021/06/7   Lor 3x0,75 1x0,38 night, Lorm 0,38night 2021/11/7 P5

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Hanna72 Contributor

Hanna72

Posted
  • Mentor
Posted

@Fallensoul I am sorry to hear that you are feeling ignored in here.  Just know that most of the moderators are doing their best to help out as many as they can. These are all volunteers that  are in withdrawal or recovering themselves and many have jobs. 

So let me help you out here, what is your main question that is on your mind? 

On 5/27/2021 at 9:18 PM, Fallensoul said:

This is a reaction on all the stress from (benzo

          tapering and dose split and back Paroxetine?)

 

On 5/28/2021 at 2:46 PM, Fallensoul said:

I guess the restlessness  has increased again due benzotaper?

 

On 5/26/2021 at 1:29 PM, Fallensoul said:

Did I drop to much, and shoud I do 5%? Or wait another few days. How long should this last?

here  are some I found on your thread. 

 

On 5/17/2021 at 10:04 PM, Altostrata said:

My guess is your symptoms are from the lorazepam, either interdose withdrawal or a paradoxical reaction

 

On 5/22/2021 at 12:49 AM, Altostrata said:

Please stop taking 5mg Lithium Orotate and Molybdeen Glycinate.

Did you stop these as alto suggested ?

 

Unfortunately there are no perfect answers when it comes to withdrawing from these drugs. In the end we can only do so much to guide and support people, but it comes down to each and everyone of us to do the work in the end.

Know that you are not alone, and we see you.

Love brassmonkeys suggestion for you, to try to see some positivity in your life, it truly helps.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


1999-2020  20 mg Paxil

Bridged with Fluoxetine to help me get off Paxil.

2022 Fluoxetine 15 mg 12/12 14mg 27/12  13mg jan 12mg feb 11mg mars 10mg, 9 mg 8,5 mg 7.6mg 7.0 mg 6,3 mg 5,6 mg 5,0 mg 4,5 mg 4,0 mg 3.6mg 3,2 mg 2,9 mg 2,6 mg 2,3 mg 2,0 mg 1.8 mg

 


I am not a medical professional nor is this a medical advice. I only talk from my own experience.

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Fallensoul Newbie

Fallensoul

Posted
  • Author
Posted
3 hours ago, Hanna72 said:

@Fallensoul I am sorry to hear that you are feeling ignored in here.  Just know that most of the moderators are doing their best to help out as many as they can. These are all volunteers that  are in withdrawal or recovering themselves and many have jobs. 

So let me help you out here, what is your main question that is on your mind? 

 

 

here  are some I found on your thread. 

 

 

Did you stop these as alto suggested ?

 

Unfortunately there are no perfect answers when it comes to withdrawing from these drugs. In the end we can only do so much to guide and support people, but it comes down to each and everyone of us to do the work in the end.

Know that you are not alone, and we see you.

Love brassmonkeys suggestion for you, to try to see some positivity in your life, it truly helps.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi Hanna,

 

I know I can't blame them, they do fantastic work.

I will be more patient, but I can't stand getting no insight whats causing the issues mostly.

I 'need' guidance to manourve in this journey,if any is possible.

 

The main question is why I'm worse the last days. More anxiety and stress. Is it the 10% benzo drop, (11 days agoo and when will things ease, on averidge with benzo taper)

The Paroxetine drop from 5,22 to 5,16, or the clomipramine drop from 22 to 20? (yes I know, allmost impossible to revere at one of those because changed in relative yhe same time)

 

From now on its best to taper the bemzo's first? (I wanted to taper paroxetine and clomipramine one time again, because the AD's now only gave me sad/strange moods and intrussive thoughts.

 

Now I have "only" anxiety, allthough its extreme in the morning atm, but that is better to handle, esp. if it subside in the evening.

 

I did not cut the molybdeen, because its needed to avoid accumulation of metabolised meds. according to my ortho doc. I also asked why to cut them, but get no answer yet.

Thank you for repleying. How are you doing, you keep things on hold for some time

 

 

 

 

 

1998-2020  Paroxetine 20mg, stopped working 2018/08 tapered down to 6mg now @ 1%/week 2019 /04      Lorazepam 3x1mg, 1x0,5mg night, Lormetazepam 0,5mg night
2019/05       Buspirone addition 3x5mg worked like wonders for one month, stopped ct 2019/12        Mirtazipine, first 2x10mg til 2021/2, no effect, now 3mg for sleep
2020/06       Wellbutrin 6 weeks, no effect stopped ct 2020/08 Lexapro, trying, to crossover, got crazy from 1 mg/day after 6 days, stopped
2020/11        Clomipramine to 50mg, adverse effect, restless, panic, low mood, anxiety, fast taper down to 30 (plan is go to ~20 and hold and taper only parox. and benzo's and maybe Mirt if I sleep)

2021/1         3x1000mg gaba, 3x10mg Lithium Orotate, 3x 1000mg L-Tyrosine,2-3 times 1x400mg magnesium citrate , 2-3 times 1x1000mg vit. C,1x15mg Zinc,

                     3 times 2mg Molybdeen Glycinate, 2 times 2000mg Omgea 3-6-9 and 1x16mg B6 (P5P) 2021/03/17  Gaba, Tyrosine and Lithium orotate to 3x1 tablet.

2021/03/17   Cl 30, P 5,8. 2021/03/20 Cl 28. 2021/03/23 M 2,7. 2021/03/25 M 2,6, Cl 26, P 5,7. 2021/03/28 Cl 25. 2021/04/1 P 5,6. 2021/04/07 Cl 24,P 5,5. 2021/04/08 Cl 23,5. 2021/04/13 P5,4

2021/03/26  Lor 3x0,9, 1x0,45 night, Lorm 0,45night 2021/04/13 CL 23, M 2,5. 2021/04/16 Cl 22,5, P 5,3. 2021/04/18 M 2,4. 2021/04/24 Cl 22. 2021/04/29 M2,3, P5,28. 2021/05/8 Cl 21,5.

2021/05/9   M 2,2, P 5,22. 2021/05/12 Cl back to 22, 2021/05/20 Lor 3x0,8, night 1x0,40 Lorm 1x0,40 2021/05/27 Cl 20(holding)2021/05/28 P5,15 (holding)2021/05/31 Cl 22 (holding)

2021/06/7   Lor 3x0,75 1x0,38 night, Lorm 0,38night 2021/11/7 P5

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  • Administrator
Altostrata Grand Master

Altostrata

Posted
  • Administrator
Posted

I feel I must point out that you're taking lorazepam all day long and then you wonder why you feel depressed, listless, and yet internally agitated. Those are all adverse effects common to benzodiazepines.

 

As I suggested earlier, you're taking a lot of "brakes" that are probably unnecessary and adding to your symptoms. I suggested you stop some of them, in red below. But you have not stopped them.

 

On 5/28/2021 at 2:55 PM, Fallensoul said:

28-5 Felt a bit better after a rough start, fear for breathing OCD constant on the background.

 

9:30     Awake after broken sleep (5 hours) not anxious or stressed, take lorazepam 0,8mg, go to sleep

12:30   Wakeup, tired, could not handle daily impulses on nerves, DR/DP,  eat one slice of bread and a cup of green tea, 0,8mg lorazepam, 500mg

            gaba, 5mg Lithium Orotate, 500mg, 200mg magnesium citrate , 1000mg vit. C, 15mg Zinc, 2mg Molybdeen Glycinate, 2000mg Omega 3-6-9

            and lay on counch,

14:00  Slowly recovering, alltough a noisy head, still trouble with noisy sounds and unstable, restless consiousness feeling, not restless in body           

            anymore, mood neutral

17:00   Dinner, big appetite, slightly less restless in head, take 5,22 mg Paroxetine, 0,8mg lorazepam, 500mg gaba, 5mg Lithium Orotate, 200mg

            magnesium citrate , 1000mg vit. C, 2mg Molybdeen Glycinate, 2000mg Omega 3-6-9

17:45   take half cup of coffee and one cigarette, no change in symptoms, stil not calm in mind, mood neutral

19:45   walking the dog, still bordered/agitated by noisyness on the street, mind keeps on gooing, blocking al my thoughts, hobby's, likes etc. not

             anxious or depressed, but allmost crazy from that never easing mind.

20:15   Take oranje juice and a cig., again restless overstimulated mind, increasing thoughts about breathing again to be in detail, it make me nervous

             to watch TV and let my breathing alone, not to control, it keeps on panicking me., getting nuts from it 🙁 , what is this every time...?? I have a

             feeling its the last horde to take to be free of this insanity, this post AD journey. Whta's the trick to escape this? Nobody seems                to

             have had this? If I take 2,2 mg Mirt in the late evening its gone within 30 mins. It was introduced when I got on Paxil the first time, before

             never got these crazy things...

20:30   Watching TV, slowling easing mind

22:00   Taking Mirt 2,2mg, Lorazepam 0,40mg Lormetazepam 0,40mg, 500mg gaba, 5mg Lithium Orotate,  200mg magnesium citrate ,

             1000mg vit.C, 2mg Molybdeen Glycinate             

22:20   Walking the dog, improving a bit further
22:40   Doing some PC stuff, no change

23:00   Take 20mg Clomipramine and continue some websurfing on PC,no change

23.55   Go to bed.

Day score 4,5  (3,5-5,5), rough start, the latter over a short time in the evening.

I don't know if I continue with these notes, I get no feedback on it anymore, nor on my qeustions. I know its very busy on this site, but it's useless without feedback....

 

Aside from lorazepam and its cousin lormetazepam in black, the other drugs in blue, also generally brakes, are the ones causing your problems.

 

If you cannot even stop taking supplements, how do you expect to manage the drugs that are causing such bad adverse effects? We're just an Internet site, we can't get your hand to stop putting pills in your mouth, you have to do that. We can't work miracles for you.

1

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Fallensoul Newbie

Fallensoul

Posted
  • Author
Posted

/\ I taper them (benzo)as fast as can. Since the last drop, I became worse gain.

 

I have tapered the supplements into half and cut the most soon.

I allready said I need the molybdeen because I dont clear medicines completely in my body. What harm does molybdeen do? I get no answer on that.

 

May I point out that I tapered paroxetine down to 5,16, Mirt too 2,2 and clomipramine to 20mg.

So I don't understand why you're making such comments about manage drug tapers.

 

 

 

 

1998-2020  Paroxetine 20mg, stopped working 2018/08 tapered down to 6mg now @ 1%/week 2019 /04      Lorazepam 3x1mg, 1x0,5mg night, Lormetazepam 0,5mg night
2019/05       Buspirone addition 3x5mg worked like wonders for one month, stopped ct 2019/12        Mirtazipine, first 2x10mg til 2021/2, no effect, now 3mg for sleep
2020/06       Wellbutrin 6 weeks, no effect stopped ct 2020/08 Lexapro, trying, to crossover, got crazy from 1 mg/day after 6 days, stopped
2020/11        Clomipramine to 50mg, adverse effect, restless, panic, low mood, anxiety, fast taper down to 30 (plan is go to ~20 and hold and taper only parox. and benzo's and maybe Mirt if I sleep)

2021/1         3x1000mg gaba, 3x10mg Lithium Orotate, 3x 1000mg L-Tyrosine,2-3 times 1x400mg magnesium citrate , 2-3 times 1x1000mg vit. C,1x15mg Zinc,

                     3 times 2mg Molybdeen Glycinate, 2 times 2000mg Omgea 3-6-9 and 1x16mg B6 (P5P) 2021/03/17  Gaba, Tyrosine and Lithium orotate to 3x1 tablet.

2021/03/17   Cl 30, P 5,8. 2021/03/20 Cl 28. 2021/03/23 M 2,7. 2021/03/25 M 2,6, Cl 26, P 5,7. 2021/03/28 Cl 25. 2021/04/1 P 5,6. 2021/04/07 Cl 24,P 5,5. 2021/04/08 Cl 23,5. 2021/04/13 P5,4

2021/03/26  Lor 3x0,9, 1x0,45 night, Lorm 0,45night 2021/04/13 CL 23, M 2,5. 2021/04/16 Cl 22,5, P 5,3. 2021/04/18 M 2,4. 2021/04/24 Cl 22. 2021/04/29 M2,3, P5,28. 2021/05/8 Cl 21,5.

2021/05/9   M 2,2, P 5,22. 2021/05/12 Cl back to 22, 2021/05/20 Lor 3x0,8, night 1x0,40 Lorm 1x0,40 2021/05/27 Cl 20(holding)2021/05/28 P5,15 (holding)2021/05/31 Cl 22 (holding)

2021/06/7   Lor 3x0,75 1x0,38 night, Lorm 0,38night 2021/11/7 P5

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Fallensoul Newbie

Fallensoul

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Clomipramine to 20mg turns out to be a wrong move atm, back to 22 and not touching it again for some tome.

Felt even worse, again anxiety, panic, feeling ill.

 

Concentrating on benzo's first.

Maybe an incidental paroxetine drop if possible.

 

 

1998-2020  Paroxetine 20mg, stopped working 2018/08 tapered down to 6mg now @ 1%/week 2019 /04      Lorazepam 3x1mg, 1x0,5mg night, Lormetazepam 0,5mg night
2019/05       Buspirone addition 3x5mg worked like wonders for one month, stopped ct 2019/12        Mirtazipine, first 2x10mg til 2021/2, no effect, now 3mg for sleep
2020/06       Wellbutrin 6 weeks, no effect stopped ct 2020/08 Lexapro, trying, to crossover, got crazy from 1 mg/day after 6 days, stopped
2020/11        Clomipramine to 50mg, adverse effect, restless, panic, low mood, anxiety, fast taper down to 30 (plan is go to ~20 and hold and taper only parox. and benzo's and maybe Mirt if I sleep)

2021/1         3x1000mg gaba, 3x10mg Lithium Orotate, 3x 1000mg L-Tyrosine,2-3 times 1x400mg magnesium citrate , 2-3 times 1x1000mg vit. C,1x15mg Zinc,

                     3 times 2mg Molybdeen Glycinate, 2 times 2000mg Omgea 3-6-9 and 1x16mg B6 (P5P) 2021/03/17  Gaba, Tyrosine and Lithium orotate to 3x1 tablet.

2021/03/17   Cl 30, P 5,8. 2021/03/20 Cl 28. 2021/03/23 M 2,7. 2021/03/25 M 2,6, Cl 26, P 5,7. 2021/03/28 Cl 25. 2021/04/1 P 5,6. 2021/04/07 Cl 24,P 5,5. 2021/04/08 Cl 23,5. 2021/04/13 P5,4

2021/03/26  Lor 3x0,9, 1x0,45 night, Lorm 0,45night 2021/04/13 CL 23, M 2,5. 2021/04/16 Cl 22,5, P 5,3. 2021/04/18 M 2,4. 2021/04/24 Cl 22. 2021/04/29 M2,3, P5,28. 2021/05/8 Cl 21,5.

2021/05/9   M 2,2, P 5,22. 2021/05/12 Cl back to 22, 2021/05/20 Lor 3x0,8, night 1x0,40 Lorm 1x0,40 2021/05/27 Cl 20(holding)2021/05/28 P5,15 (holding)2021/05/31 Cl 22 (holding)

2021/06/7   Lor 3x0,75 1x0,38 night, Lorm 0,38night 2021/11/7 P5

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Fallensoul Newbie

Fallensoul

Posted
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Posted

@AltostrataDo you suspect the anxitety issue's I have, are also for a big deal caused due chronic benzo use?

I know it's difficult to say.

 

I have to start working about two weeks and have to fight with all I got, otherwise I'll lose everything.

 

I follow a 10% per month taper.

And cut the supplements again, and will continue so.

 

Thanks

 

1998-2020  Paroxetine 20mg, stopped working 2018/08 tapered down to 6mg now @ 1%/week 2019 /04      Lorazepam 3x1mg, 1x0,5mg night, Lormetazepam 0,5mg night
2019/05       Buspirone addition 3x5mg worked like wonders for one month, stopped ct 2019/12        Mirtazipine, first 2x10mg til 2021/2, no effect, now 3mg for sleep
2020/06       Wellbutrin 6 weeks, no effect stopped ct 2020/08 Lexapro, trying, to crossover, got crazy from 1 mg/day after 6 days, stopped
2020/11        Clomipramine to 50mg, adverse effect, restless, panic, low mood, anxiety, fast taper down to 30 (plan is go to ~20 and hold and taper only parox. and benzo's and maybe Mirt if I sleep)

2021/1         3x1000mg gaba, 3x10mg Lithium Orotate, 3x 1000mg L-Tyrosine,2-3 times 1x400mg magnesium citrate , 2-3 times 1x1000mg vit. C,1x15mg Zinc,

                     3 times 2mg Molybdeen Glycinate, 2 times 2000mg Omgea 3-6-9 and 1x16mg B6 (P5P) 2021/03/17  Gaba, Tyrosine and Lithium orotate to 3x1 tablet.

2021/03/17   Cl 30, P 5,8. 2021/03/20 Cl 28. 2021/03/23 M 2,7. 2021/03/25 M 2,6, Cl 26, P 5,7. 2021/03/28 Cl 25. 2021/04/1 P 5,6. 2021/04/07 Cl 24,P 5,5. 2021/04/08 Cl 23,5. 2021/04/13 P5,4

2021/03/26  Lor 3x0,9, 1x0,45 night, Lorm 0,45night 2021/04/13 CL 23, M 2,5. 2021/04/16 Cl 22,5, P 5,3. 2021/04/18 M 2,4. 2021/04/24 Cl 22. 2021/04/29 M2,3, P5,28. 2021/05/8 Cl 21,5.

2021/05/9   M 2,2, P 5,22. 2021/05/12 Cl back to 22, 2021/05/20 Lor 3x0,8, night 1x0,40 Lorm 1x0,40 2021/05/27 Cl 20(holding)2021/05/28 P5,15 (holding)2021/05/31 Cl 22 (holding)

2021/06/7   Lor 3x0,75 1x0,38 night, Lorm 0,38night 2021/11/7 P5

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Altostrata Grand Master

Altostrata

Posted
  • Administrator
Posted
10 hours ago, Fallensoul said:

@AltostrataDo you suspect the anxitety issue's I have, are also for a big deal caused due chronic benzo use?

 

 

Yes

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Fallensoul Newbie

Fallensoul

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thanks, I know what to do coming months...

1998-2020  Paroxetine 20mg, stopped working 2018/08 tapered down to 6mg now @ 1%/week 2019 /04      Lorazepam 3x1mg, 1x0,5mg night, Lormetazepam 0,5mg night
2019/05       Buspirone addition 3x5mg worked like wonders for one month, stopped ct 2019/12        Mirtazipine, first 2x10mg til 2021/2, no effect, now 3mg for sleep
2020/06       Wellbutrin 6 weeks, no effect stopped ct 2020/08 Lexapro, trying, to crossover, got crazy from 1 mg/day after 6 days, stopped
2020/11        Clomipramine to 50mg, adverse effect, restless, panic, low mood, anxiety, fast taper down to 30 (plan is go to ~20 and hold and taper only parox. and benzo's and maybe Mirt if I sleep)

2021/1         3x1000mg gaba, 3x10mg Lithium Orotate, 3x 1000mg L-Tyrosine,2-3 times 1x400mg magnesium citrate , 2-3 times 1x1000mg vit. C,1x15mg Zinc,

                     3 times 2mg Molybdeen Glycinate, 2 times 2000mg Omgea 3-6-9 and 1x16mg B6 (P5P) 2021/03/17  Gaba, Tyrosine and Lithium orotate to 3x1 tablet.

2021/03/17   Cl 30, P 5,8. 2021/03/20 Cl 28. 2021/03/23 M 2,7. 2021/03/25 M 2,6, Cl 26, P 5,7. 2021/03/28 Cl 25. 2021/04/1 P 5,6. 2021/04/07 Cl 24,P 5,5. 2021/04/08 Cl 23,5. 2021/04/13 P5,4

2021/03/26  Lor 3x0,9, 1x0,45 night, Lorm 0,45night 2021/04/13 CL 23, M 2,5. 2021/04/16 Cl 22,5, P 5,3. 2021/04/18 M 2,4. 2021/04/24 Cl 22. 2021/04/29 M2,3, P5,28. 2021/05/8 Cl 21,5.

2021/05/9   M 2,2, P 5,22. 2021/05/12 Cl back to 22, 2021/05/20 Lor 3x0,8, night 1x0,40 Lorm 1x0,40 2021/05/27 Cl 20(holding)2021/05/28 P5,15 (holding)2021/05/31 Cl 22 (holding)

2021/06/7   Lor 3x0,75 1x0,38 night, Lorm 0,38night 2021/11/7 P5

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Fallensoul Newbie

Fallensoul

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Whats the opinion/experience on this site on tardive dysphoria? Esp

 in cases after 10-20 years of Ad use.

Is this permanent or does it improve over time in most cases? 

 

This really scares the **** out of me.

1998-2020  Paroxetine 20mg, stopped working 2018/08 tapered down to 6mg now @ 1%/week 2019 /04      Lorazepam 3x1mg, 1x0,5mg night, Lormetazepam 0,5mg night
2019/05       Buspirone addition 3x5mg worked like wonders for one month, stopped ct 2019/12        Mirtazipine, first 2x10mg til 2021/2, no effect, now 3mg for sleep
2020/06       Wellbutrin 6 weeks, no effect stopped ct 2020/08 Lexapro, trying, to crossover, got crazy from 1 mg/day after 6 days, stopped
2020/11        Clomipramine to 50mg, adverse effect, restless, panic, low mood, anxiety, fast taper down to 30 (plan is go to ~20 and hold and taper only parox. and benzo's and maybe Mirt if I sleep)

2021/1         3x1000mg gaba, 3x10mg Lithium Orotate, 3x 1000mg L-Tyrosine,2-3 times 1x400mg magnesium citrate , 2-3 times 1x1000mg vit. C,1x15mg Zinc,

                     3 times 2mg Molybdeen Glycinate, 2 times 2000mg Omgea 3-6-9 and 1x16mg B6 (P5P) 2021/03/17  Gaba, Tyrosine and Lithium orotate to 3x1 tablet.

2021/03/17   Cl 30, P 5,8. 2021/03/20 Cl 28. 2021/03/23 M 2,7. 2021/03/25 M 2,6, Cl 26, P 5,7. 2021/03/28 Cl 25. 2021/04/1 P 5,6. 2021/04/07 Cl 24,P 5,5. 2021/04/08 Cl 23,5. 2021/04/13 P5,4

2021/03/26  Lor 3x0,9, 1x0,45 night, Lorm 0,45night 2021/04/13 CL 23, M 2,5. 2021/04/16 Cl 22,5, P 5,3. 2021/04/18 M 2,4. 2021/04/24 Cl 22. 2021/04/29 M2,3, P5,28. 2021/05/8 Cl 21,5.

2021/05/9   M 2,2, P 5,22. 2021/05/12 Cl back to 22, 2021/05/20 Lor 3x0,8, night 1x0,40 Lorm 1x0,40 2021/05/27 Cl 20(holding)2021/05/28 P5,15 (holding)2021/05/31 Cl 22 (holding)

2021/06/7   Lor 3x0,75 1x0,38 night, Lorm 0,38night 2021/11/7 P5

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Jennings Rookie

Jennings

Posted
Posted

Hey Fallen,

 

I'm pulling for you, I just know you are going to gut it out going back to work.  I have faith in you.  You are struggling but I see a warrior in you.  

 

Remember this in times of despair.

1

Med History - 2014 - 2020 - Zoloft, Effexor, Klonopin, Lexapro, Buspar (No longer on any of these)

Went to my doctor for an annual and mentioned I was stressed, gave me Zoloft, stopped it after 3 months because it didn't do anything, ended up in withdrawal and was told I had a mental illness.  I've been diagnosed Bipolar and Clinically Depressed.  

Current Med Taper 

Lamotrigine - 25mg (May 21') -> 24mg (May 23') -> 23mg (July 23') -> 22mg (Aug 23') -> 21mg (Oct 23') -> 20mg (Dec 23')

Supplement: Magnesium, Fish Oil

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Fallensoul Newbie

Fallensoul

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thank you Jennings, sitting in a deep wave now, but wanting to live even more despite it.

Keep strong.

1998-2020  Paroxetine 20mg, stopped working 2018/08 tapered down to 6mg now @ 1%/week 2019 /04      Lorazepam 3x1mg, 1x0,5mg night, Lormetazepam 0,5mg night
2019/05       Buspirone addition 3x5mg worked like wonders for one month, stopped ct 2019/12        Mirtazipine, first 2x10mg til 2021/2, no effect, now 3mg for sleep
2020/06       Wellbutrin 6 weeks, no effect stopped ct 2020/08 Lexapro, trying, to crossover, got crazy from 1 mg/day after 6 days, stopped
2020/11        Clomipramine to 50mg, adverse effect, restless, panic, low mood, anxiety, fast taper down to 30 (plan is go to ~20 and hold and taper only parox. and benzo's and maybe Mirt if I sleep)

2021/1         3x1000mg gaba, 3x10mg Lithium Orotate, 3x 1000mg L-Tyrosine,2-3 times 1x400mg magnesium citrate , 2-3 times 1x1000mg vit. C,1x15mg Zinc,

                     3 times 2mg Molybdeen Glycinate, 2 times 2000mg Omgea 3-6-9 and 1x16mg B6 (P5P) 2021/03/17  Gaba, Tyrosine and Lithium orotate to 3x1 tablet.

2021/03/17   Cl 30, P 5,8. 2021/03/20 Cl 28. 2021/03/23 M 2,7. 2021/03/25 M 2,6, Cl 26, P 5,7. 2021/03/28 Cl 25. 2021/04/1 P 5,6. 2021/04/07 Cl 24,P 5,5. 2021/04/08 Cl 23,5. 2021/04/13 P5,4

2021/03/26  Lor 3x0,9, 1x0,45 night, Lorm 0,45night 2021/04/13 CL 23, M 2,5. 2021/04/16 Cl 22,5, P 5,3. 2021/04/18 M 2,4. 2021/04/24 Cl 22. 2021/04/29 M2,3, P5,28. 2021/05/8 Cl 21,5.

2021/05/9   M 2,2, P 5,22. 2021/05/12 Cl back to 22, 2021/05/20 Lor 3x0,8, night 1x0,40 Lorm 1x0,40 2021/05/27 Cl 20(holding)2021/05/28 P5,15 (holding)2021/05/31 Cl 22 (holding)

2021/06/7   Lor 3x0,75 1x0,38 night, Lorm 0,38night 2021/11/7 P5

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Fallensoul Newbie

Fallensoul

Posted
  • Author
Posted

After weeks of intense stress, panic/anxiety now more and more physicall missery again, exhausted/depleted energy, mental and physically, down mood, the whole scala of issue's .

Probably a result of the mental issue's before.

 

1998-2020  Paroxetine 20mg, stopped working 2018/08 tapered down to 6mg now @ 1%/week 2019 /04      Lorazepam 3x1mg, 1x0,5mg night, Lormetazepam 0,5mg night
2019/05       Buspirone addition 3x5mg worked like wonders for one month, stopped ct 2019/12        Mirtazipine, first 2x10mg til 2021/2, no effect, now 3mg for sleep
2020/06       Wellbutrin 6 weeks, no effect stopped ct 2020/08 Lexapro, trying, to crossover, got crazy from 1 mg/day after 6 days, stopped
2020/11        Clomipramine to 50mg, adverse effect, restless, panic, low mood, anxiety, fast taper down to 30 (plan is go to ~20 and hold and taper only parox. and benzo's and maybe Mirt if I sleep)

2021/1         3x1000mg gaba, 3x10mg Lithium Orotate, 3x 1000mg L-Tyrosine,2-3 times 1x400mg magnesium citrate , 2-3 times 1x1000mg vit. C,1x15mg Zinc,

                     3 times 2mg Molybdeen Glycinate, 2 times 2000mg Omgea 3-6-9 and 1x16mg B6 (P5P) 2021/03/17  Gaba, Tyrosine and Lithium orotate to 3x1 tablet.

2021/03/17   Cl 30, P 5,8. 2021/03/20 Cl 28. 2021/03/23 M 2,7. 2021/03/25 M 2,6, Cl 26, P 5,7. 2021/03/28 Cl 25. 2021/04/1 P 5,6. 2021/04/07 Cl 24,P 5,5. 2021/04/08 Cl 23,5. 2021/04/13 P5,4

2021/03/26  Lor 3x0,9, 1x0,45 night, Lorm 0,45night 2021/04/13 CL 23, M 2,5. 2021/04/16 Cl 22,5, P 5,3. 2021/04/18 M 2,4. 2021/04/24 Cl 22. 2021/04/29 M2,3, P5,28. 2021/05/8 Cl 21,5.

2021/05/9   M 2,2, P 5,22. 2021/05/12 Cl back to 22, 2021/05/20 Lor 3x0,8, night 1x0,40 Lorm 1x0,40 2021/05/27 Cl 20(holding)2021/05/28 P5,15 (holding)2021/05/31 Cl 22 (holding)

2021/06/7   Lor 3x0,75 1x0,38 night, Lorm 0,38night 2021/11/7 P5

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  • Moderator Emeritus
arbor Contributor

arbor

Posted
  • Moderator Emeritus
Posted

Dear @Fallensoul--

On 6/2/2021 at 12:44 PM, Fallensoul said:

Is this permanent or does it improve over time in most cases? 

 

This really scares me too, but I see from the site that many people get better.  

 

On 6/3/2021 at 8:03 AM, Fallensoul said:

sitting in a deep wave now, but wanting to live even more despite it.

 

Thank you for your strong words, Fallensoul.  They mean a lot me.  I look forward to all of us recovering--

Arbor

2

Zoloft: 1995 - 2015

Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on  December 15, 2018

Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019  (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019

Enalapril: 2010 - 2019

Lipitor: 2017 -2017

Metformin: 2000 - 2020

Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019

Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022

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Fallensoul Newbie

Fallensoul

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thanks Arbor, keep strong 

1998-2020  Paroxetine 20mg, stopped working 2018/08 tapered down to 6mg now @ 1%/week 2019 /04      Lorazepam 3x1mg, 1x0,5mg night, Lormetazepam 0,5mg night
2019/05       Buspirone addition 3x5mg worked like wonders for one month, stopped ct 2019/12        Mirtazipine, first 2x10mg til 2021/2, no effect, now 3mg for sleep
2020/06       Wellbutrin 6 weeks, no effect stopped ct 2020/08 Lexapro, trying, to crossover, got crazy from 1 mg/day after 6 days, stopped
2020/11        Clomipramine to 50mg, adverse effect, restless, panic, low mood, anxiety, fast taper down to 30 (plan is go to ~20 and hold and taper only parox. and benzo's and maybe Mirt if I sleep)

2021/1         3x1000mg gaba, 3x10mg Lithium Orotate, 3x 1000mg L-Tyrosine,2-3 times 1x400mg magnesium citrate , 2-3 times 1x1000mg vit. C,1x15mg Zinc,

                     3 times 2mg Molybdeen Glycinate, 2 times 2000mg Omgea 3-6-9 and 1x16mg B6 (P5P) 2021/03/17  Gaba, Tyrosine and Lithium orotate to 3x1 tablet.

2021/03/17   Cl 30, P 5,8. 2021/03/20 Cl 28. 2021/03/23 M 2,7. 2021/03/25 M 2,6, Cl 26, P 5,7. 2021/03/28 Cl 25. 2021/04/1 P 5,6. 2021/04/07 Cl 24,P 5,5. 2021/04/08 Cl 23,5. 2021/04/13 P5,4

2021/03/26  Lor 3x0,9, 1x0,45 night, Lorm 0,45night 2021/04/13 CL 23, M 2,5. 2021/04/16 Cl 22,5, P 5,3. 2021/04/18 M 2,4. 2021/04/24 Cl 22. 2021/04/29 M2,3, P5,28. 2021/05/8 Cl 21,5.

2021/05/9   M 2,2, P 5,22. 2021/05/12 Cl back to 22, 2021/05/20 Lor 3x0,8, night 1x0,40 Lorm 1x0,40 2021/05/27 Cl 20(holding)2021/05/28 P5,15 (holding)2021/05/31 Cl 22 (holding)

2021/06/7   Lor 3x0,75 1x0,38 night, Lorm 0,38night 2021/11/7 P5

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Fallensoul Newbie

Fallensoul

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Update,

I'm falling further and further down into a deep depression. Crying when wake up, such an extreme down mood, I don't why this is happening, I only get worse. I dont know it anymore, I'm losing all hope. I don't reckognise myself anymore, only negative moods. 

I'm at the point of throwing the clomipramine to the toilet, it never did something for me. I am lost in a negative spiral. I don't know how to bend the negative thinking...

1998-2020  Paroxetine 20mg, stopped working 2018/08 tapered down to 6mg now @ 1%/week 2019 /04      Lorazepam 3x1mg, 1x0,5mg night, Lormetazepam 0,5mg night
2019/05       Buspirone addition 3x5mg worked like wonders for one month, stopped ct 2019/12        Mirtazipine, first 2x10mg til 2021/2, no effect, now 3mg for sleep
2020/06       Wellbutrin 6 weeks, no effect stopped ct 2020/08 Lexapro, trying, to crossover, got crazy from 1 mg/day after 6 days, stopped
2020/11        Clomipramine to 50mg, adverse effect, restless, panic, low mood, anxiety, fast taper down to 30 (plan is go to ~20 and hold and taper only parox. and benzo's and maybe Mirt if I sleep)

2021/1         3x1000mg gaba, 3x10mg Lithium Orotate, 3x 1000mg L-Tyrosine,2-3 times 1x400mg magnesium citrate , 2-3 times 1x1000mg vit. C,1x15mg Zinc,

                     3 times 2mg Molybdeen Glycinate, 2 times 2000mg Omgea 3-6-9 and 1x16mg B6 (P5P) 2021/03/17  Gaba, Tyrosine and Lithium orotate to 3x1 tablet.

2021/03/17   Cl 30, P 5,8. 2021/03/20 Cl 28. 2021/03/23 M 2,7. 2021/03/25 M 2,6, Cl 26, P 5,7. 2021/03/28 Cl 25. 2021/04/1 P 5,6. 2021/04/07 Cl 24,P 5,5. 2021/04/08 Cl 23,5. 2021/04/13 P5,4

2021/03/26  Lor 3x0,9, 1x0,45 night, Lorm 0,45night 2021/04/13 CL 23, M 2,5. 2021/04/16 Cl 22,5, P 5,3. 2021/04/18 M 2,4. 2021/04/24 Cl 22. 2021/04/29 M2,3, P5,28. 2021/05/8 Cl 21,5.

2021/05/9   M 2,2, P 5,22. 2021/05/12 Cl back to 22, 2021/05/20 Lor 3x0,8, night 1x0,40 Lorm 1x0,40 2021/05/27 Cl 20(holding)2021/05/28 P5,15 (holding)2021/05/31 Cl 22 (holding)

2021/06/7   Lor 3x0,75 1x0,38 night, Lorm 0,38night 2021/11/7 P5

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Fallensoul Newbie

Fallensoul

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Most signs point out to the extreme stress I've had for months. Chronic heavy stress is often a precursor for depression.

1998-2020  Paroxetine 20mg, stopped working 2018/08 tapered down to 6mg now @ 1%/week 2019 /04      Lorazepam 3x1mg, 1x0,5mg night, Lormetazepam 0,5mg night
2019/05       Buspirone addition 3x5mg worked like wonders for one month, stopped ct 2019/12        Mirtazipine, first 2x10mg til 2021/2, no effect, now 3mg for sleep
2020/06       Wellbutrin 6 weeks, no effect stopped ct 2020/08 Lexapro, trying, to crossover, got crazy from 1 mg/day after 6 days, stopped
2020/11        Clomipramine to 50mg, adverse effect, restless, panic, low mood, anxiety, fast taper down to 30 (plan is go to ~20 and hold and taper only parox. and benzo's and maybe Mirt if I sleep)

2021/1         3x1000mg gaba, 3x10mg Lithium Orotate, 3x 1000mg L-Tyrosine,2-3 times 1x400mg magnesium citrate , 2-3 times 1x1000mg vit. C,1x15mg Zinc,

                     3 times 2mg Molybdeen Glycinate, 2 times 2000mg Omgea 3-6-9 and 1x16mg B6 (P5P) 2021/03/17  Gaba, Tyrosine and Lithium orotate to 3x1 tablet.

2021/03/17   Cl 30, P 5,8. 2021/03/20 Cl 28. 2021/03/23 M 2,7. 2021/03/25 M 2,6, Cl 26, P 5,7. 2021/03/28 Cl 25. 2021/04/1 P 5,6. 2021/04/07 Cl 24,P 5,5. 2021/04/08 Cl 23,5. 2021/04/13 P5,4

2021/03/26  Lor 3x0,9, 1x0,45 night, Lorm 0,45night 2021/04/13 CL 23, M 2,5. 2021/04/16 Cl 22,5, P 5,3. 2021/04/18 M 2,4. 2021/04/24 Cl 22. 2021/04/29 M2,3, P5,28. 2021/05/8 Cl 21,5.

2021/05/9   M 2,2, P 5,22. 2021/05/12 Cl back to 22, 2021/05/20 Lor 3x0,8, night 1x0,40 Lorm 1x0,40 2021/05/27 Cl 20(holding)2021/05/28 P5,15 (holding)2021/05/31 Cl 22 (holding)

2021/06/7   Lor 3x0,75 1x0,38 night, Lorm 0,38night 2021/11/7 P5

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Fallensoul Newbie

Fallensoul

Posted
  • Author
Posted

And suddenly bad mood lifts, what is this for madness??

 

How on earth is such an extreme and suddenly turnarround is possible.

Well, I start enjoying it or as long it lasts.

1

1998-2020  Paroxetine 20mg, stopped working 2018/08 tapered down to 6mg now @ 1%/week 2019 /04      Lorazepam 3x1mg, 1x0,5mg night, Lormetazepam 0,5mg night
2019/05       Buspirone addition 3x5mg worked like wonders for one month, stopped ct 2019/12        Mirtazipine, first 2x10mg til 2021/2, no effect, now 3mg for sleep
2020/06       Wellbutrin 6 weeks, no effect stopped ct 2020/08 Lexapro, trying, to crossover, got crazy from 1 mg/day after 6 days, stopped
2020/11        Clomipramine to 50mg, adverse effect, restless, panic, low mood, anxiety, fast taper down to 30 (plan is go to ~20 and hold and taper only parox. and benzo's and maybe Mirt if I sleep)

2021/1         3x1000mg gaba, 3x10mg Lithium Orotate, 3x 1000mg L-Tyrosine,2-3 times 1x400mg magnesium citrate , 2-3 times 1x1000mg vit. C,1x15mg Zinc,

                     3 times 2mg Molybdeen Glycinate, 2 times 2000mg Omgea 3-6-9 and 1x16mg B6 (P5P) 2021/03/17  Gaba, Tyrosine and Lithium orotate to 3x1 tablet.

2021/03/17   Cl 30, P 5,8. 2021/03/20 Cl 28. 2021/03/23 M 2,7. 2021/03/25 M 2,6, Cl 26, P 5,7. 2021/03/28 Cl 25. 2021/04/1 P 5,6. 2021/04/07 Cl 24,P 5,5. 2021/04/08 Cl 23,5. 2021/04/13 P5,4

2021/03/26  Lor 3x0,9, 1x0,45 night, Lorm 0,45night 2021/04/13 CL 23, M 2,5. 2021/04/16 Cl 22,5, P 5,3. 2021/04/18 M 2,4. 2021/04/24 Cl 22. 2021/04/29 M2,3, P5,28. 2021/05/8 Cl 21,5.

2021/05/9   M 2,2, P 5,22. 2021/05/12 Cl back to 22, 2021/05/20 Lor 3x0,8, night 1x0,40 Lorm 1x0,40 2021/05/27 Cl 20(holding)2021/05/28 P5,15 (holding)2021/05/31 Cl 22 (holding)

2021/06/7   Lor 3x0,75 1x0,38 night, Lorm 0,38night 2021/11/7 P5

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  • Moderator
DataGuy Contributor

DataGuy

Posted
  • Moderator
Posted

That is great to hear, @Fallensoul. Hope it continues for you. Important to remember that just when you feel worst is exactly when you can expect to start to feel better. Same principle in medicine. Often patients will go see doctors at their worst. The doctor will prescribe something or recommend some treatment, but the patient will just improve on their own regardless, with the doctor mistaking the improvement for treatment effectiveness at the next visit. The body will always do its best to bring things back in to equilibrium, so symptoms can only get worse for so long before they just naturally improve. 

1

Remeron - 2004-2005 (bad withdrawal)

Clonazepam - 2005-2018 (jumped around March)

Olanzapine - 2014- late 2017

Domperidone - 2008-2018

Many drugs in between including Lexapro, other benzos and z-drugs.

Still suffering post-withdrawal from Clonazepam (Klonopin), Olanzapine and Domperidone. 

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Fallensoul Newbie

Fallensoul

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thanks DataGuy, thats a  reassuring message.
It looks like a whole shift of the baseline,ie improving. 
I'm tapering the benzo's first, and so far it looks like I am improving, so Altostrata was right, benzo's disrupting cognitive abilitys, impaired thinking etc., thanks a million times for that tip Alto!. Hopefully the trend continues.

1

1998-2020  Paroxetine 20mg, stopped working 2018/08 tapered down to 6mg now @ 1%/week 2019 /04      Lorazepam 3x1mg, 1x0,5mg night, Lormetazepam 0,5mg night
2019/05       Buspirone addition 3x5mg worked like wonders for one month, stopped ct 2019/12        Mirtazipine, first 2x10mg til 2021/2, no effect, now 3mg for sleep
2020/06       Wellbutrin 6 weeks, no effect stopped ct 2020/08 Lexapro, trying, to crossover, got crazy from 1 mg/day after 6 days, stopped
2020/11        Clomipramine to 50mg, adverse effect, restless, panic, low mood, anxiety, fast taper down to 30 (plan is go to ~20 and hold and taper only parox. and benzo's and maybe Mirt if I sleep)

2021/1         3x1000mg gaba, 3x10mg Lithium Orotate, 3x 1000mg L-Tyrosine,2-3 times 1x400mg magnesium citrate , 2-3 times 1x1000mg vit. C,1x15mg Zinc,

                     3 times 2mg Molybdeen Glycinate, 2 times 2000mg Omgea 3-6-9 and 1x16mg B6 (P5P) 2021/03/17  Gaba, Tyrosine and Lithium orotate to 3x1 tablet.

2021/03/17   Cl 30, P 5,8. 2021/03/20 Cl 28. 2021/03/23 M 2,7. 2021/03/25 M 2,6, Cl 26, P 5,7. 2021/03/28 Cl 25. 2021/04/1 P 5,6. 2021/04/07 Cl 24,P 5,5. 2021/04/08 Cl 23,5. 2021/04/13 P5,4

2021/03/26  Lor 3x0,9, 1x0,45 night, Lorm 0,45night 2021/04/13 CL 23, M 2,5. 2021/04/16 Cl 22,5, P 5,3. 2021/04/18 M 2,4. 2021/04/24 Cl 22. 2021/04/29 M2,3, P5,28. 2021/05/8 Cl 21,5.

2021/05/9   M 2,2, P 5,22. 2021/05/12 Cl back to 22, 2021/05/20 Lor 3x0,8, night 1x0,40 Lorm 1x0,40 2021/05/27 Cl 20(holding)2021/05/28 P5,15 (holding)2021/05/31 Cl 22 (holding)

2021/06/7   Lor 3x0,75 1x0,38 night, Lorm 0,38night 2021/11/7 P5

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Fallensoul Newbie

Fallensoul

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Today some more stress/nervous from last benzotaper (two days agoo), but mood seem to improve, just very jumpy now.
DR/dr lessen also, @Altostrata you nailed it all along, the benzo's are my biggest issue it seems👍.

1998-2020  Paroxetine 20mg, stopped working 2018/08 tapered down to 6mg now @ 1%/week 2019 /04      Lorazepam 3x1mg, 1x0,5mg night, Lormetazepam 0,5mg night
2019/05       Buspirone addition 3x5mg worked like wonders for one month, stopped ct 2019/12        Mirtazipine, first 2x10mg til 2021/2, no effect, now 3mg for sleep
2020/06       Wellbutrin 6 weeks, no effect stopped ct 2020/08 Lexapro, trying, to crossover, got crazy from 1 mg/day after 6 days, stopped
2020/11        Clomipramine to 50mg, adverse effect, restless, panic, low mood, anxiety, fast taper down to 30 (plan is go to ~20 and hold and taper only parox. and benzo's and maybe Mirt if I sleep)

2021/1         3x1000mg gaba, 3x10mg Lithium Orotate, 3x 1000mg L-Tyrosine,2-3 times 1x400mg magnesium citrate , 2-3 times 1x1000mg vit. C,1x15mg Zinc,

                     3 times 2mg Molybdeen Glycinate, 2 times 2000mg Omgea 3-6-9 and 1x16mg B6 (P5P) 2021/03/17  Gaba, Tyrosine and Lithium orotate to 3x1 tablet.

2021/03/17   Cl 30, P 5,8. 2021/03/20 Cl 28. 2021/03/23 M 2,7. 2021/03/25 M 2,6, Cl 26, P 5,7. 2021/03/28 Cl 25. 2021/04/1 P 5,6. 2021/04/07 Cl 24,P 5,5. 2021/04/08 Cl 23,5. 2021/04/13 P5,4

2021/03/26  Lor 3x0,9, 1x0,45 night, Lorm 0,45night 2021/04/13 CL 23, M 2,5. 2021/04/16 Cl 22,5, P 5,3. 2021/04/18 M 2,4. 2021/04/24 Cl 22. 2021/04/29 M2,3, P5,28. 2021/05/8 Cl 21,5.

2021/05/9   M 2,2, P 5,22. 2021/05/12 Cl back to 22, 2021/05/20 Lor 3x0,8, night 1x0,40 Lorm 1x0,40 2021/05/27 Cl 20(holding)2021/05/28 P5,15 (holding)2021/05/31 Cl 22 (holding)

2021/06/7   Lor 3x0,75 1x0,38 night, Lorm 0,38night 2021/11/7 P5

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Fallensoul Newbie

Fallensoul

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Anxiety and nervousness allready lessen, allmost feeling happy, even while tapering benzo's!

Go figure how bad are these benzo's became for me during this long time. Hopefully it continues.

Following a 5% taper at 2-3 weeks interval now, depending on symptoms 

1998-2020  Paroxetine 20mg, stopped working 2018/08 tapered down to 6mg now @ 1%/week 2019 /04      Lorazepam 3x1mg, 1x0,5mg night, Lormetazepam 0,5mg night
2019/05       Buspirone addition 3x5mg worked like wonders for one month, stopped ct 2019/12        Mirtazipine, first 2x10mg til 2021/2, no effect, now 3mg for sleep
2020/06       Wellbutrin 6 weeks, no effect stopped ct 2020/08 Lexapro, trying, to crossover, got crazy from 1 mg/day after 6 days, stopped
2020/11        Clomipramine to 50mg, adverse effect, restless, panic, low mood, anxiety, fast taper down to 30 (plan is go to ~20 and hold and taper only parox. and benzo's and maybe Mirt if I sleep)

2021/1         3x1000mg gaba, 3x10mg Lithium Orotate, 3x 1000mg L-Tyrosine,2-3 times 1x400mg magnesium citrate , 2-3 times 1x1000mg vit. C,1x15mg Zinc,

                     3 times 2mg Molybdeen Glycinate, 2 times 2000mg Omgea 3-6-9 and 1x16mg B6 (P5P) 2021/03/17  Gaba, Tyrosine and Lithium orotate to 3x1 tablet.

2021/03/17   Cl 30, P 5,8. 2021/03/20 Cl 28. 2021/03/23 M 2,7. 2021/03/25 M 2,6, Cl 26, P 5,7. 2021/03/28 Cl 25. 2021/04/1 P 5,6. 2021/04/07 Cl 24,P 5,5. 2021/04/08 Cl 23,5. 2021/04/13 P5,4

2021/03/26  Lor 3x0,9, 1x0,45 night, Lorm 0,45night 2021/04/13 CL 23, M 2,5. 2021/04/16 Cl 22,5, P 5,3. 2021/04/18 M 2,4. 2021/04/24 Cl 22. 2021/04/29 M2,3, P5,28. 2021/05/8 Cl 21,5.

2021/05/9   M 2,2, P 5,22. 2021/05/12 Cl back to 22, 2021/05/20 Lor 3x0,8, night 1x0,40 Lorm 1x0,40 2021/05/27 Cl 20(holding)2021/05/28 P5,15 (holding)2021/05/31 Cl 22 (holding)

2021/06/7   Lor 3x0,75 1x0,38 night, Lorm 0,38night 2021/11/7 P5

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Fallensoul Newbie

Fallensoul

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Still attacks of sudden fatique now, seems a normal benzo withdrawal response?

1998-2020  Paroxetine 20mg, stopped working 2018/08 tapered down to 6mg now @ 1%/week 2019 /04      Lorazepam 3x1mg, 1x0,5mg night, Lormetazepam 0,5mg night
2019/05       Buspirone addition 3x5mg worked like wonders for one month, stopped ct 2019/12        Mirtazipine, first 2x10mg til 2021/2, no effect, now 3mg for sleep
2020/06       Wellbutrin 6 weeks, no effect stopped ct 2020/08 Lexapro, trying, to crossover, got crazy from 1 mg/day after 6 days, stopped
2020/11        Clomipramine to 50mg, adverse effect, restless, panic, low mood, anxiety, fast taper down to 30 (plan is go to ~20 and hold and taper only parox. and benzo's and maybe Mirt if I sleep)

2021/1         3x1000mg gaba, 3x10mg Lithium Orotate, 3x 1000mg L-Tyrosine,2-3 times 1x400mg magnesium citrate , 2-3 times 1x1000mg vit. C,1x15mg Zinc,

                     3 times 2mg Molybdeen Glycinate, 2 times 2000mg Omgea 3-6-9 and 1x16mg B6 (P5P) 2021/03/17  Gaba, Tyrosine and Lithium orotate to 3x1 tablet.

2021/03/17   Cl 30, P 5,8. 2021/03/20 Cl 28. 2021/03/23 M 2,7. 2021/03/25 M 2,6, Cl 26, P 5,7. 2021/03/28 Cl 25. 2021/04/1 P 5,6. 2021/04/07 Cl 24,P 5,5. 2021/04/08 Cl 23,5. 2021/04/13 P5,4

2021/03/26  Lor 3x0,9, 1x0,45 night, Lorm 0,45night 2021/04/13 CL 23, M 2,5. 2021/04/16 Cl 22,5, P 5,3. 2021/04/18 M 2,4. 2021/04/24 Cl 22. 2021/04/29 M2,3, P5,28. 2021/05/8 Cl 21,5.

2021/05/9   M 2,2, P 5,22. 2021/05/12 Cl back to 22, 2021/05/20 Lor 3x0,8, night 1x0,40 Lorm 1x0,40 2021/05/27 Cl 20(holding)2021/05/28 P5,15 (holding)2021/05/31 Cl 22 (holding)

2021/06/7   Lor 3x0,75 1x0,38 night, Lorm 0,38night 2021/11/7 P5

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