Fallensoul: introducing my story, a fallen soul, when happiness turns into horror

[Fallensoul]

@FrogieHow much magnesium and fishoil I can take at max?

Or do I have to try.

 

I really hate it being on those benzo's, they are introduced when trying to bridge over to another Ad in the past, which never worked.

I even was hasitated to take them, but they say it couldn't hurt for a short time.

 

I don't take them for fun, but I can't taper any faster. I'm now 3,5 weeks on 0,75mg, and still are stressed in the body, a little less in a mental way, but still panic on the background. If symtoms arn't get any better, I have to taper again? I'm not afraid for it anymore, I want to get better desperately.

[Frogie]

2 hours ago, Fallensoul said:

@Frogie, it's only 6 days from now and then I quit them. Thanx for replaying, I will look at it.
 

Ok let me know.

[Frogie]

You’re going to have to experiment with the magnesium. I know personally I take 200 mg twice a day and it helps. It’s doesn’t cure the anxiety but does help. But only change one at a time a wait a few days so you know if one causes problems.

 

 I know you didn’t ask to be out on the benzo. Usually no one does. If they would have put you on for less than 14 days you probably wouldn’t have become dependent on them. But you will taper off as your body allows. You don’t want to taper if you are having worse symptoms, you’ll send your body into a frenzy of a whole mess of problems. If you are having worse symptoms keep holding. I was put on Xanax 20+ years ago for a muscle, and was never advised about dependency. So I can understand your frustration.

 

Just do self care and keep steady!

 

 

[Frogie]

2 hours ago, Fallensoul said:

@Frogie, I allready take 3 times magnesium and fisholl, at 12, 18 and 22u.

You might look at this. I don’t take omegas:

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
 

As I mentioned in the other post I take 200 mg magnesium twice a day.

[Fallensoul]

@Frogie Thank you very much, I need more fish oil I see.
As far as the benzo's are concernd, I feel better mood wise, but I'm so stressed and overstimulated due it, if have to hold a little longer for the next taper I guess?.

I also have a fungus infection, which I have to clear, the toxines are also bad for the nervoussystem.
I keep you posted, and thanks for a the help.

Also I don't know why @Altostrata sees me allmost like a junk who don't want to quite benzo's, the opposite is true, I fight hard to get ride of them, Iám really dissapointed she think this way.
I hold off benzo's for a year while suffering from failing diverse AD additions in the past. It was so worse I didn't sleep for 2 months and finally gave up and got those d**n benzo's. I really don't like when people misjudge me, I can take critic, but I wish I never touched those poisoness benzo's in the first place, and even more Paroxetine
Also the fact that I can't have problems from benzotapering with the current taper, maybe she forgot that I was also in Paroxetine and Clomipramine taper before and the state of my CNS wasn't optimal due this too.

 
Also I know my body, the fatique is not from benzo's, but exhausted from stress.
I do believe they are my main problem, and am glad I follow Alto's advise, but I don't like how she thinks I don't want to quit them. I would pay a fortune to get ride off them at once. I don't like drugs at all, I fitnessed 5 days a week and eat healthy. 

But I will not complain about fatique anymore, and concentrating on tapering benzo's. There is much at stake, so |I need this to be done, and there is no clinic which it have to do for me, I am the one who have to do it.

[Altostrata]

I believe your situation is too complex for online peer support, @Fallensoul 

 

I urge you to seek assistance in an addiction program. Whether you are an "addict" or not, they are better equipped to help you go off the high benzo dosage you are taking.

[Fallensoul]

@AltostrataThanks for the tip, but no thanks, I don't know why you came to that conclussion. I just have tapered allready a quarter, and I will continueing tapering on my own, I am more then ever motivated to get rid off them.

And something else, I know you probably have the best intensions with me, but I rather continue this benzo traject with @Frogie who I feel understand, believe and suites me better. 

[Altostrata]

I do not believe we're going to be able to guide you through tapering, your reports of your symptoms are too confused. You do not seem to be able to distinguish effects of the drug from withdrawal symptoms.

 

We cannot recommend a cocktail of supplements that might counter any of your symptoms, and we cannot deal with complications arising from the ortho regimen, fungus infection, or vitamins, etc.

[Fallensoul]

@AltostrataI respect your opinion, but I allready said many times I never had fatique from benzo's, if that's whats its about.
The second point is complicated but has to be done, I respect and understand your point.
There for I will not report any symptoms as long as I follow the fungus protocol (~ still one week to go)
Is that ok?

I also allmost finished tapering gaba, tyrosine and Lithium supplements.

[Altostrata]

You can do anything you wish but we do not have the resources to offer you support.

[Fallensoul]

@Altostrata I understand, I have to do it on my own, but the only thing I ask is some guidance when it's time to do the next benzotaper by corresponding symtoms at a certain time and even then I know its difficult to say.

If you want me to leave, no problem. 

[Altostrata]

In order for us to help people taper, we rely on them to identify their drug-induced baseline and report changes from it. 

 

You are taking benzos all day long but insist they have no effect, and that the adverse effects are withdrawal symptoms or something requiring drug treatment, which is probably why you have such a long, complicated history of trying different drugs.

 

You also make frequent changes, which make your reports of symptoms impossible to interpret. So I don't think we can help you.

[Fallensoul]

Well, I think you have me wrong  on those benzo's again, but I guess we don't fit each other. 

But the message is clear,  you can delete my account.

Mission accomplished.

 

 

[Mia1]

Fallensoul,

I’m here for you if you need any emotional support. 

Mia 💗

[Fallensoul]

Thank you @Mia1, much appreciated. 
I'm having a rough but slightly better time, my mood is bit better, mind some clearer, only still a lot off stress from the benzotaper (and may be left overs from early paxiltaper).

I wonder how much it should improve before make the next taper.

How are you doing?

Keep strong.

[Mia1]

I’m so happy to hear things are better, if only a little. We’ll take what we can, right? You’ve certainly been through a lot and it sounds like you just need a little more time and patience. You’ve put a lot of work into this, please keep it up you WILL get there!!

 I’m doing well, starting to feel improvement myself which is a really good sign. I have one more drug to taper, klonopin. I’ve been on this drug for 20 years so it certainly will be interesting to see how it goes. Any tips on tapering a Benzo? Would love to hear your thoughts.

Keep checking in, you have a lot of people who care about you!!

[Fallensoul]

Good to hear @Mia1, and congrats for beiing off AD's!
We certainly have to take the day, as wd is unpredictable, you never know when its done until you stable and fine for a long time.

I learned three things from benzotapering,

 

-when high in dose the first tapers are relative easy;

-wait a coulple of weeks, even 4 or 5 to ensure the taper give no problems;

-I ran into withdrwal symtoms when I entered the 75% of the orginal dose;

-it's an unpredictable beast, symtoms come and go much faster then with AD wd.

This just my experience, so thing can vary from person to person.
Good luck!

[Mia1]

Thanks for the tips, I appreciate it. Healing is coming for us all!!

[Fallensoul]

Yes, eventually w'll be free.

After a good night of sleep less nervous today, but exhausted again, but much calmer in head and body. 

Allways after a good sleep.

Also diarrhea is almost gone.

So the next benzo taper should be near.

 

 

[Mia1]

I’m happy to hear you got a good night sleep. I think we can feel tired because we need to catch up on the nights that we haven’t slept well and of course the stress of the w/d on the body itself. When you feel this way make sure you give your body plenty of rest. I like to do a really long guided meditation in the afternoon, I find it really helps to charge me up physically and emotionally.

When is your next Benzo taper?

[Fallensoul]

Yes, always feels this way after lots of stress and bad sleep, but also at the end of every tapercycle, indicating the body adapting to the lower dose and slowly come to a rest.

I haven't plan it yet, but I think within 10 days, granting I sleep well, because the body needs the rest to have some strength and energy to face the next taper.

I think I will look at some meditation tactics too, I was so restless and stressed a few days ago.
 

[Mia1]

A member on this site gave me a guided meditation specifically for benzodiazepine and psychiatric drug withdrawal, it may be helpful to you. 

 

 

[Fallensoul]

@Mia1 thank you, will take look!

 

 

Yesterday apart some hours anxiety not so bad day.

Today after the best sleep since weeks, the whole day heavy fatique in contrast to yesterday when I was topfit the whole day.

[Estman]

On 7/9/2021 at 4:18 PM, Fallensoul said:

Yes, eventually w'll be free.

After a good night of sleep less nervous today, but exhausted again, but much calmer in head and body. 

Allways after a good sleep.

Also diarrhea is almost gone.

So the next benzo taper should be near.

 

 

I still have nausea and digestive problems 42 days after the last reduction
There is a general feeling of malaise and also bloating
Have you had any of these symptoms while taking Anafarin?

[Fallensoul]

Hi Estman,

 

No I dont have such symtoms, alltough I have diahrea when tapering the benzo's.

I also never felt good on Clomipramine, it don't work and I hate I have another med to taper.

 

I wish I had tapered the paroxetine at once instead of trying a higher dose and other meds.

Maybe I would have been recovered by now when I chose that patch.

 

Are you still on 27mg?

 

[Estman]

11 hours ago, Fallensoul said:

Hi Estman,

 

No I dont have such symtoms, alltough I have diahrea when tapering the benzo's.

I also never felt good on Clomipramine, it don't work and I hate I have another med to taper.

 

I wish I had tapered the paroxetine at once instead of trying a higher dose and other meds.

Maybe I would have been recovered by now when I chose that patch.

 

Are you still on 27mg?

 

I am currently taking 20mg a day
Do you have a clomipramine dose of 0mg?
How long do your waves last and how often do you experience windows?

[Fallensoul]

On 7/12/2021 at 7:06 AM, Estman said:

I am currently taking 20mg a day
Do you have a clomipramine dose of 0mg?
How long do your waves last and how often do you experience windows?

I'm taking 22mg now.

 

I do not really have sharp marked waves or windows, but a constant feeling of stress/tension, compromised mood, and somtimes fatique.

Also some intrussive thoughts about controling my breathing.

I feel at best arround late afternoon.
I also have a feeling I feel worse after taking the 5mg paroxetine, that stuff really has to go. But I'm tapering the benzo's first and now and then a drop of paroxetine in between.

[Mia1]

How are you doing?