Itachyy001: Please SurvivingAntidepressants community, i need help 😔 😔

[Itachyy001]

Hii everyone 

I am so desperate to find an explanation to what i feel and see now. 

Please, i relay on you, guys to help me because i am in hell, i am really in hell. 

 

Well my story is this

I was diagnosed with panic anxiety and GAD in 2015 after 3 years of strong repetitive panic attacks that make me unable to leave my room. 

And since that date my psychiatrist at that time put me in a lot of medications. I dont recall a lot of thing during this period of time but the only thing i remember that i was sleeping all the time, always angry and react so strangely and suffering from a lot of muscle pain all the time. 

In fact, i was dealing with panic attacks most of this periode of treatement but i could go out and functioning. 

 

Well, since the epidemic, exactly Mars 2020,i staft feeling that lysanxia 10mg,paraxat 10 mg who i start using them since 2018 and amytriptylin 10mg since mars 2020 are not making me feeling any better. I was sleeping all the day, awake all the night and not leaving my room at all. So then i start realky thinking that this treatement never helped me in first place but it took me till 1 january 2021 to start my one month tapering of all my medication in the same time. And i want to let you knkw, warriors, that my last visit to my psychiatrist date to february 2020.

And then, since 1 February 2021,i stopped all my medications. 

 

The first week of february, i was mentally fine, suffering only from dizziness, headeache, muscle pain and throat painand sore that used to be always with me since the day i start the treatment. 

 

During the second week, all my physical symptoms disappears (only some throat sore remains) but i was hitting by a huge waves of weird inexplicable thoughts, it start with a huge fear from committing suicide who last for two weeks, then a weird sensation that i am facing life for the first time, it was so bad, i was feeling like i never used to live in this life before, every simple task is an impossible mission to face or to dealt with for example i sit with my friends and i feel like they are talking about some superhuman tasks like going camping, playing soccer (by the way i used to be a professional football player for 12 years). I am sorry, english is not my native language so i cannot even get closer to discribe this feeling that still with me to this moment. It is like every time i met friends, go to some soccer feeling, observing people arround me make me feel so weak, unable to do and to understand  what normal do. 

 

And from the third week and till now, tgose weird feeling become more stronger and i start feeling extremely afraid from the future, from people, from everything arround me, my relationship with my fiance, my immigration to germany in the near future. I feel like this depression or whatever it is, will stay with me forever. 

 

I barely can eat, i cant sleep more than 5 hours a day with few interruption in between. 

I feel no joy, no hope, no motivation, no life, i feel nothing besides fear and fear and fear. 

 

Also during this periode of time i start having panic attacks most of the time but still face them by not being home, going outside for walks, meeting friends, going in the nature although it is a huge torture for me to do that but i still trying because i am so desperate to get out from this huge black hole. 

 

Also, the last two weeks i start feeling a huge pain in my left knee without any reason that make me unable to do my walking routine like i used to do before, and i start having a feeling of light-headed with strong headeack and the sensation that i will callapsed anytime and anywhere and because of that my Panic attacks start happening more often and therefore my depression get worst and worst. 

 

I am sorry guys, i cant describe this feeling, it is so painful, so bad and so deep that i stop believing that i will be fine one day. 

And i start tginking all the time that i need to go back to see a new psychiatrist that it will put me eventually on some antidepressant but still i do believe that antidepressant will not help me anymore. 

 

I am so frustrated and confused. I cant think clearly bc of the bad pain that i feel but still i can't think that i cant handle moving to germany to a new country that i dont know anybody and start a new job there. 

Really guys, i dont know what to do. 

 

Please help me and tell me what to do because i am tired trying to find a solution for an unresolved equation. 

 

 

Edited March 15, 2021 by Shep
added spacing for readability

[Shep]

14 hours ago, Itachyy001 said:

Well, since the epidemic, exactly Mars 2020,i staft feeling that lysanxia 10mg,paraxat 10 mg who i start using them since 2018 and amytriptylin 10mg since mars 2020 are not making me feeling any better. I was sleeping all the day, awake all the night and not leaving my room at all. So then i start realky thinking that this treatement never helped me in first place but it took me till 1 january 2021 to start my one month tapering of all my medication in the same time. And i want to let you knkw, warriors, that my last visit to my psychiatrist date to february 2020.

And then, since 1 February 2021,i stopped all my medications. 

 

Hi, Itachyy. 

 

Welcome to Surviving Antidepressants. 

 

You mentioned paraxat, which isn't a drug seen on this forum (at least not from the search I did). I looked it up and found this - Drugs.com - Paroxat - and it's listed as 

"Paroxetine hydrochloride (a derivative of Paroxetine) is reported as an ingredient of Paroxat 20 mg in the following countries: Hungary."

 

Where lysanxia, paraxat, and amitriptyline the only drugs you were on? Were you taking any other drugs or any supplements? 

 

It's possible you may benefit from reinstating some of what you came off. Lysanxia is a benzodiazepine, which is best reinstated within a month of coming off, so you may not want to reinstate that drug. So let's look at the paraxat and amitriptyline as possibilities for reinstating. As you provide more information, we can better guide you in how to reinstate. 

 

Here is some general information on reinstating:
 
About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms

 

Here are some links related to withdrawal: 

 

What is withdrawal syndrome?
 
The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

 

Please add a signature.  Include drugs, doses, dates, and discontinuations & reinstatements in the last 12-24 months. Also include supplements. This will help us give you the most accurate advice we can. 

• Any drugs and supplements prior to 24 months ago can just be listed with start and stop years. 
• Please use actual dates or approximate dates (mid-June, Late October) rather than relative time frames (last week, 3 months ago) 
• Spell out months, e.g. "October" or "Oct."; 9/1/2016 can be interpreted as Jan. 9, 2016 or Sept. 1, 2016. 
• Please leave out symptoms and diagnoses. 
• A list is easier to understand than one or multiple paragraphs. 
• This is a direct link to your signature:  Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature.

As you provide more information, we can better guide you in reinstating and provide other information, as well. 

 

 

 

 

[Itachyy001]

Hallo SHEP 🙂

Thank you very mhch for ur reply, it means a lot for me. 

Yes, i mean by paraxat, paroxetine 20mg and 10 mg. 

I am so sorry i can not give you the exact date for all tge ADs and Benzo that i used during my treatment. 

But i was put in netral, zoloft, xanax and since 2018 i start a new treatement with paroxetine 10mg then 20 tgan back to 10mg before i stopped and lysanxia 10 mg. And i think since mars 2020 i start using amytriptyline 10 mg with both lysanxia and paroxetine, 

I just want to know, according to your experience. Should i stay strong and take this bad withdrawl depression until it will disappear or should i reinstate paroxetine for steveral month and then wean it and ytop it?? 

And i am also so scared that this depression is not a withdrawl symotom but a new mental health that hits me and i will be suffering from it for the rest of my life?? 

I am also scared that in case i go back to paroxtein i will stay feeling so depressed and in case that it succeed to make me feel better i will be exposed again to withdrawl that i cant hold it for the second time. 

I am so sorry if i make it hard for you but really a big part of my brain refuse tgd idea to reinstate the meds and in the same time i am so scared that this depression will take a long time to vanish, i am even so convinced that i will never be feeling normal again specially the way of thinking and taking decision. I feel like i am a new weird person that i never knew. 

I am sorry again if i gave u all hard time but realky i trust you guys to help me. 

 

[Itachyy001]

I forget to say that i am taking one pill of vitamin D and one pill vitamin B12 every week 

[Altostrata]

Hello, @Itachyy001 Please list all the drugs you were taking in your signature, with their dosages.

 

Please use the pharmaceutical name for the drug, such as paroxetine, instead of Paroxat. We're not familiar with your local drug names.

 

How did you go off these drugs?

[Itachyy001]

Hallo @Altostrata

Thank you for writing me back. 

Well, because 2018,i was put on several benzo and antidepressants ( netral, zoloft, xanax) for almost 3 years. 

And since 2018,i start using paroxtein 20mg (one pill every morning) and lysanxia 10 mg ( one pill in the morning and another one before sleeping, in total 20 mg),also i used half of pill of lysanxia under my tongue for panic attacks. 

Going to 2020,i start using paroxtein 10 mg one pill each day, and one pill lysanxia 10 mg before sleeping and half of pill under my tongue for panic attacks. 

At this time, the psychiatrist add one pill of amytriptyline 10 mg for headeache. 

Reaching january 2021,i start tapering, by my own, 1/4 of pill of each medications every week and after one month, 1 february 2021,i was drug free. 

The first week after my last dose, i start having so many physical symptoms (headeache, dizziness, lightheaded, throat pain and sore, strange sound in my ear, sensitivity to light, smell and voice...) but i was mentally ok. 

After the first week and till now, a very horrible, frightening psychological symptoms start hitting me,constant panic attacks, dark depression, suicidal thoughts that hits me but lately after disappears and specially intense fear from everything arround me and from the future. 

In fact, i want to know what this symptoms is and if it will disappear with time or not, because i do believe that it is sonething more than depression, i am afraid from watching soccer games, i cant stand being in the stadium because i feel like i can never touch football or play football again although i was a professional football player for almost 12 years. 

Also i can't sit in the coffee and listen to their daily stress problem because i feel like i can not understand how they manage to face their daily little problems. 

In one world, it feels like i never lived in this planet and i just start discovering everything arround me. 

It is so scary that it always ends by making me feel more depressed and hopless. 

I feel like working is an impossible mission for me, dealing with my family and my girlfriend is something who need extra super natural powers. 

I am really so desperate that someone explain to me what is that and will it disappear or i will be feeling like that forever. 

Also i start having insomnia since i stopped taking my medications, although i never suffered from lack of sleeping before or during taking medications. 

I barely can eat too, but i keep pushing myself to have at least two meals by day. 

PS : i never have depression before, i start taking tgis meds only because of panic attacks. 

Also i used to take vitamin D and b12 one time every week but i stopped because i did not see any improvement while taking them. 

So i kindly ask you to explain what this specially weird sensation is. 

Thank you very much for all people in this site who  gave all their time to help sick people while nothing understands or helps them 

 

[Altostrata]

On 3/22/2021 at 5:28 AM, Itachyy001 said:

Reaching january 2021,i start tapering, by my own, 1/4 of pill of each medications every week and after one month, 1 february 2021,i was drug free. 

The first week after my last dose, i start having so many physical symptoms (headeache, dizziness, lightheaded, throat pain and sore, strange sound in my ear, sensitivity to light, smell and voice...) but i was mentally ok. 

After the first week and till now, a very horrible, frightening psychological symptoms start hitting me,constant panic attacks, dark depression, suicidal thoughts that hits me but lately after disappears and specially intense fear from everything arround me and from the future. 

In fact, i want to know what this symptoms is

 

Those are withdrawal symptoms. You have protracted withdrawal syndrome. How have your symptoms changed in the last month?

 

What drug is lysanxia? Please use the pharmaceutical name for the drug and save me the trouble of Googling your drugs.

 

To help us out, follow these instructions Please put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature You may need to use a computer to do this.

 

[Itachyy001]

@Altostrata

I am sorry for the delai to response you, 

I mean by lysanxia, Prazepam 10mg

I am feeling awful for the last month, panic attacks, intense fear from everything, deep dark depression and terrible insomnia. 

I have zero physical symptoms. 

But all these mental tortures scares me to death, I feel soooo hopeless. 

And after a fight with my girlfriend, she took some sleeping pills but I could save her in the last moment and took her to a clinik where they save her life, but after that accident which happen last Friday 2nd of April 2021,i start feeling more worst than anytime, I barely eat, I almost did not sleep more than one hour a night and my depression get sooooo bad that I feel like my chest will explaude, like there is a lot of emotions inside want to get out. 

I really don't know what to do. 

I went to my GP and he advice me to do my best to stay away of any benzo and antidepressants but I spoke to a psychiatrist who tell me that I need to take Citalopram (Seropram, Elopram) 10 mg. 

I am really so confused, I don't know what to do?? 

I want to know if this dark depression will leave or not?? 

And if the insomnia will disappear too?? 

Please I need help 

[Altostrata]

You went off 3 drugs at once. You have withdrawal symptoms. 

 

We often see that if people reinstate a small amount of the drug they went off. However, you went off 3 drugs, so we don't know which one will help most. My guess would be to reinstate a small amount of prazepam or amitriptyline, perhaps 2mg. If the drug makes you sleepy, take it at night. If it helps, after some months of stabilization, you would taper off by tiny amounts.

 

We still need this information to assist you further:

On 3/15/2021 at 2:59 AM, Shep said:

Please add a signature.  Include drugs, doses, dates, and discontinuations & reinstatements in the last 12-24 months. Also include supplements. This will help us give you the most accurate advice we can. 

• Any drugs and supplements prior to 24 months ago can just be listed with start and stop years. 
• Please use actual dates or approximate dates (mid-June, Late October) rather than relative time frames (last week, 3 months ago) 
• Spell out months, e.g. "October" or "Oct."; 9/1/2016 can be interpreted as Jan. 9, 2016 or Sept. 1, 2016. 
• Please leave out symptoms and diagnoses. 
• A list is easier to understand than one or multiple paragraphs. 
• This is a direct link to your signature:  Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature.

As you provide more information, we can better guide you in reinstating and provide other information, as well.