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RelentlessWifeAMD

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RelentlessWifeAMD

Hello all.  My name is Anna and I'm a new member.  I'm here because my husband has within the last 6-7 months done a complete 180.  He began an affair with our realtor in September (minor, just kissing and lunch dates he says).  In January he revealed this to me during a conversation that began with him stating he no longer thought we were "compatible."  Over the next 72ish hours he decided (with no outside input professionally or personally speaking) that he was "done."  I tried everything I could think of to get him to reconsider, mainly advocating for our two young boys and how this decision would affect them.  He asked for space, which I gave him over 8 weeks.  Following another poor choice I decided it was time to talk to him again.  I encouraged him to go to counseling with me, if not for our marriage, then for him and our kids.  During the course of those conversations there was no emotion, no remorse, nothing.  Even at the mention of him telling our kids he wanted to walk away from all of us.  It was like talking to shell of a person, a robot.  He has no hope, no vision for the future.  He also couldn't remember what he felt during key, beautiful moments of our love story.  It's as if those memories have been wiped or distorted.

 

After sharing this with  my sister in law and mother in law, who've noticed the same withdrawn, detached behaviors, they encouraged me to look at the side effects of his prescribed anti-anxiety medications, Klonopin and Lexapro.  After days of research I'm convinced this is what is affecting his decision making, his emotions, etc.

 

I'm so new to this so I have many questions.  I'll try to keep them brief.  What rights do I have to speak with his doctor?  Does he need to agree for me to join him at his appointment?  Can I advocate on his behalf without him being present?  What is the best way to approach this subject with my husband?  He has ups and downs, should I wait for the next "up?"  His prescriptions say "no refills."  Does this mean he has to go back to the doctor before getting more?  How can I help him and his doctor understand the depth of what's going on and that there is hope?

 

I don't want to leave him, I don't want divorce.  I want to fight for our marriage.  While this possibility doesn't excuse his behaviors over the last six months it certainly sheds a new light on things.  I'm understanding now that he may have been powerless to stop what this medication is doing to him.

 

If anyone has reputable research, articles, accounts etc. that'd be greatly appreciated.  He's normally a very thoughtful, cautious, detail-oriented person so I think a logical and factual approach will help.

 

Thank you all in advance.

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  • 1 month later...
NeedSomeHope

Have you joined this group on Facebook - Marriages destroyed by Antidepressants, SSRIs/SNRIs? You should be able to get some answers there.  It really is an impossible situation if he stays on the meds. My wife is six months off and still hasn't recovered her feelings for me but at least our home life isn't as contentious.

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RelentlessWifeAMD

I haven't. I try to stay off social media as much as possible right now but I'll check that out. Thank you. 
 

He's only been off for about a month and is still very numbed out to any kind of guilt or remorse. He has moved in with his mother. I don't know how much longer I can do this limbo. Bless you for hanging in there with your wife. 

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SummerRain

If you are looking for scientific evidence of the effects of antidepressants on emotional attachment, look up Helen Fisher on Google - there is one particular paper available in PDF which is really on point but I can't attach it as it's too big. There are others but this is one suggestion.

 

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RelentlessWifeAMD

Thank you so much. Reading all of those testimonies just breaks my heart but it also gives me hope that maybe in a few months my husband's eyes will start to open. I just worry it may be too late when/if he does wake up. 

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On 3/20/2021 at 11:06 AM, RelentlessWifeAMD said:

What rights do I have to speak with his doctor?  Does he need to agree for me to join him at his appointment?  Can I advocate on his behalf without him being present?  What is the best way to approach this subject with my husband?  He has ups and downs, should I wait for the next "up?"  His prescriptions say "no refills."  Does this mean he has to go back to the doctor before getting more?  How can I help him and his doctor understand the depth of what's going on and that there is hope?

As hard as this may be to hear unless he is a harm to himself or others you have no legal standing to talk to his doctors or get involved in his care. He has the right to live his life any way he chooses, as do you. Whether to stay on medication or not is a personal decision one must make for themselves. I’m sorry you are in so much pain. Try to put the focus back on you and your children and start to heal. You can’t force people to stay with you, this tactic will only push him away more. I honestly wish you all the best.

Been on medication since 1999. Previous medications include Remeron, Zoloft, Celexa, Lexapro, Xanax, Ativan, Valium, Ability.

 

Amitriptyline: 50 mg 2015-5/20; 5/20-4/21 0 mg 

 

Klonopin: .5 mg since 2001

 

Supplements: Magnesium citrate: 250 mg; Fish oil: 1200 mg

 

“We can not solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them.”  - Albert Einstein 

 

 

 

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  • Administrator
Altostrata

See 

 

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • 1 month later...
  • Moderator Emeritus
Rhiannon

I would also recommend the book Medication Madness by Peter Breggin.

Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

May 2021            7                       0.01                  0.0037                   1

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

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RelentlessWifeAMD

@Rhiannon is this something that would be appropriate for my husband to read or just me?

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RelentlessWifeAMD
Posted (edited)

My husband has been officially off the medication since mid April. As a follow up, how long does it typically take for the brain to heal and become "normal" again after SSRI intake stops? Also what are signs that I could be looking for that he is starting to normalize again?

Edited by RelentlessWifeAMD
Grammatical
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  • Moderator
Gridley
On 6/16/2021 at 9:05 PM, RelentlessWifeAMD said:

My husband has been officially off the medication since mid April. As a follow up, how long does it typically take for the brain to heal and become "normal" again after SSRI intake stops? Also what are signs that I could be looking for that he is starting to normalize again?

Unfortunately, there is no way to predict how long it takes to heal from psychiatric drugs.  It varies from person to person.  This link should provide some guidance:

 

 It Doesn’t end at “0”

 

I'm sorry you're going through this.  As the papers listed in AltoStrata's post to you in May, emotional numbing is a common effect of psychiatric drugs, both while taking the drugs and also in withdrawal after stopping the drugs.  Symptoms experienced while taking the drug are known as side effects, while symptoms experienced after stopping the drug are known as withdrawal. 

 

So you know, the vast majority of doctors don't believe in severe or prolonged withdrawal from antidepressants.  Our experience has been the opposite.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Ativan 1 mg 1986-1991 CT, soon reinstated.  CT 2000. RI 1 mg 2011-2016.  Sept. 2016  0.625mg X 3

Nov.27, 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover + change to one 18.75mg dose, w/1 month hold.

Feb. 9, 2021, begin 10% every 4 weeks taper.  Current dose as of July 13: 10.0mgai.  Taper is 46% complete.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan. 2016 began every 3-weeks 10% taper, down to 16mgai (44mgpw).  Aug 2016, discovered SA, holding at 16mg.  Taper is 78% complete.  

  

Supplements: omega, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotic, zinc, melatonin .3mg.


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I just wanted to check in with you and see how you are doing. 

Been on medication since 1999. Previous medications include Remeron, Zoloft, Celexa, Lexapro, Xanax, Ativan, Valium, Ability.

 

Amitriptyline: 50 mg 2015-5/20; 5/20-4/21 0 mg 

 

Klonopin: .5 mg since 2001

 

Supplements: Magnesium citrate: 250 mg; Fish oil: 1200 mg

 

“We can not solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them.”  - Albert Einstein 

 

 

 

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NeedSomeHope
On 6/16/2021 at 10:05 PM, RelentlessWifeAMD said:

My husband has been officially off the medication since mid April. As a follow up, how long does it typically take for the brain to heal and become "normal" again after SSRI intake stops? Also what are signs that I could be looking for that he is starting to normalize again?

I think a minimum of six months off the meds.  My wife got off first week of Dec. I had a few glimpses here and there but they were brief and we had multiple divorce conversations and she was very indifferent towards me.  Then May 31st the day after she told me she thought we should divorce she put her wedding rings back on.  Now she is kind and we haven't had a fight since that day. She still doesn't show any affection for me but she does say she gets loving feelings for me that come and go. 

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RelentlessWifeAMD

@Mia1thank you for checking in. Unfortunately things have only gotten worse. He's off the meds but has moved out. He told everyone he didn't have a plan and he wasn't leaving me for this other woman but he's now attempting to introduce her to his family (they've all declined) and is potentially in the process of moving in with her. We're not even legally separated let alone divorced. I've had to hire a private investigator and I'm meeting with a divorce attorney tomorrow. I feel so lost and heartbroken. I'm having to do things I never wanted to do that feel wrong. I'm trying so hard to walk the line of protecting my children and me and still staying true to who I am. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. He's acting so irrationally and recklessly. It just makes no sense. 

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I’m so sorry for your pain, this sounds like an incredibly difficult time for you. And confusing. As lost as you may feel now I strongly believe that everything truly has a purpose and in time you will be able to see this. Although we’re on different paths we can relate to the pain and uncertainty of life. Trust that everything is happening for you to learn and grow, as difficult as this may seem today. Finding the meaning in the suffering has helped me tremendously in the middle of the process. 

When you come out the other end, because you will, you will be stronger and wiser and you will live a happy and beautiful life. You are worthy of a partner who sees you. You are very loved and you are never alone. I’m sending you big hugs of love and light 💗

Been on medication since 1999. Previous medications include Remeron, Zoloft, Celexa, Lexapro, Xanax, Ativan, Valium, Ability.

 

Amitriptyline: 50 mg 2015-5/20; 5/20-4/21 0 mg 

 

Klonopin: .5 mg since 2001

 

Supplements: Magnesium citrate: 250 mg; Fish oil: 1200 mg

 

“We can not solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them.”  - Albert Einstein 

 

 

 

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RelentlessWifeAMD

@Mia1thank you so much for your incredibly kind words. If I can remind myself and remember God's love and plan for me I know I'll get through this. He spoke through you in your words and it was just what I needed. 

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