RealMe's Success Story, Recovery from brain altering chemicals

[RealMe]

MOD NOTE : RealMe's Introduction thread is here

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Because of what I learned here and with the support I found here, I have been completely free of anti-depressants.  I have not taken any mood altering chemicals in over two years, so I finally feel competent to write my success story.  When I got here I was so confused, I'm not even sure what I was taking.  I reported my symptoms to the psychiatrist, primary care doctor and therapist, and all were in total agreement that I "needed medication."  Even in my confused mental state, I finally realized that nothing they recommended was doing anything but making me worse.  When I tried to get support to withdraw from psychiatric medications, I was told I was having a resurgence of my "depression."  No one in the medical field that I came in contact with would support me in my desire to get off meds, and no one would acknowledge the phenomenon of "withdrawal syndrome" from anti-depressants.  To this day, I have a very skeptical attitude toward all doctors and feel that, regardless of how well-meaning they might be, they are nevertheless medicating people into senselessness.  My mantra is to "never snivel or weep in front of anyone with a prescription pad."

 

When I was 19, I went to the clergy for help with nervousness and low self esteem.  From there I was referred to a psychiatrist who gave me Valium.  That was the beginning of the end for me.  Now I had an addiction to sedatives along with increasing nervousness and lower self esteem.  Later I was given Tofranil, Elavil, Desyrel, Prozac, Wellbutrin, Abilify (a real killer in my experience) and some others.  I gained a ton of weight and lost my ability to feel normal feelings at all.  I remember being at my father's funeral and thinking something must be wrong because I didn't cry.  Not only did I not cry, I couldn't feel anything.  And I loved my father.

 

Over the years, I tried on my own many times unsuccessfully to detox from these prescribed medications.  By the time I arrived at this web site, I was trying to withdraw from Abilify, Wellbutrin and Prozac.  I learned about slow and steady until I had decreased my dosage of Prozac to liquid from a dropper.  It was extremely difficult to get my doctor to prescribe the liquid form for my detox because he was still insisting that I could not do without a full dose! He insisted that I see a therapist and agree to go back on medication if I "got worse."  I don't think about that process very much.  I went to the therapist and told him whatever I thought would convince him that I was fine without medication.  Then I would report my true and actual symptoms to the people on this forum and took their suggestions.  Thinking of "puppies and kittens" as a coping strategy makes me smile to this day.  What I do think about often is that I have been drug free for a long time.  I feel happy, sad, anxious, calm, confident, worried, fearful, full of faith.  In other words, I am leading a normal life with a full range of emotions that are appropriate to either what life throws at me or what life offers to me.

 

At first, I feared that I was too old to change after years of being in psychiatry land, but I wasn't.  I believed what I discovered here, and I am extremely grateful to have survived anti-depressant withdrawal.

 

 

Edited April 3, 2021 by Erell
Added link to introduction thread

[Erell]

Hello @RealMe

 

Wow, thank you for taking the time to share your Success story with our community, you truly are a great inspiration.

 

And Congratulations  : I'm so happy to know you are now "leading a normal life", enjoy ☀️❤

[PerAsperaAdAstra]

Congratulations RealMe!

 

Happy to see you made it!

[wantrelief]

Dearest @RealMe:  I am so happy you have written your success story!  You have always been such an inspiration to me.  I am so impressed with all you have accomplished.  Thank you for sharing your journey here and as your were tapering.  The very best of wishes to you, WR.

[Cocopuffz17]

Great read  I am glad to read your success story and even more impressed by your age and that you were able to get off of those medications, well done  I wish you all the best in the future! Enjoy life!!! 

[Malon]

Thank you for sharing and sorry that you had to go through this! I am 31 years old and it feels like my life is over. Its hard.

[gentlehermione]

@RealMe 

 

Hello and thank you for posting your success story - it has given me a well-needed emotional lift!

 

In our darkest moments, so many of us long haulers wonder whether recovery is at all possible. Your story is proof that it is!

 

Hats off to you for your determination and perseverance - well done!

[Mutfael]

Thank you for giving us a strong drive to fight this alleged drug

[waves12]

So good to read your success story and thank you. I had a long time of different meds from aged 28 to 52 and as of now been off cold turkey from antidepressents since June 2016 and yet still suffering with crippling anxiety and depression so very interested to read that after 2 years off your med you are feeling good. Almost 5 years off meds for me and yet still feeling bad. How did you conquer the depression and any anxiety if it was intense for you? 

 

Thanks so much if you can spare the time to reply. 

Waves 

[JustBella]

@RealMe

Thank you for your success story.  I am in my 70’s so it was very encouraging to me.  
 

[RealMe]

On 4/9/2021 at 1:24 PM, waves12 said:

So good to read your success story and thank you. I had a long time of different meds from aged 28 to 52 and as of now been off cold turkey from antidepressents since June 2016 and yet still suffering with crippling anxiety and depression so very interested to read that after 2 years off your med you are feeling good. Almost 5 years off meds for me and yet still feeling bad. How did you conquer the depression and any anxiety if it was intense for you? 

 

Thanks so much if you can spare the time to reply. 

Waves 

Hi Waves!  All I can say is that almost any symptom I experience is better than changing the chemistry of my brain, and I got to a point where I would try anything but medication to help myself.  That is why I try so many of the ideas I learn here from other survivors of "antidepressants."  Walking in the sunshine every day even in freezing weather, talking to positive people, saying prayers and following religious traditions of my childhood without debating what I used to feel was an assault on my reason, staying busy, trying to help friends and especially family without complaining, eating clean but allowing myself treats once in a while, crocheting granny square afghans, cooking recipes from Martha Stewart, reading Chernov's Hamilton, turning off tv shows that upset me, meditating, binge watching old seasons of Survivor, quitting social media, so many things.  Whatever sounds like a good idea for living comfortably is something I might try.  Most of all, I refuse to identify as a depressed or anxious person.  Just because I learned those terms when I was young and naive doesn't mean I have to take them on now that I'm a grown woman, an elderly one at that with physical aging issues!    I  watch my vocabulary.  I may be more intense than a lot of people I admire, but I feel normal emotions like sad or worried or happy or relieved or hopeful or bored, and I'm glad I have feelings instead of numbness.  I don't judge anyone else for how they cope.  I can be happy or wretchedly miserable.  I'm ok with it.  I wish you the best, Waves.

xo RM

[RealMe]

 

Still doing ok.  After many years, I finally quit the doctor who insisted I needed anti-depressants and cholesterol meds and I'm trying out a new doctor who says my cholesterol is high but "not terrible."  I like that second opinion!  I may stick with this physician.  Now that I am geriatric I keep finding new issues of aging, but I'm confident in insisting on conservative treatm ents and am still taking only vitamins.  Yay me.  Physical therapy is a helpful treatment for a few of my ailments.

 

I have a lot to be grateful for, even the troublesome things that happen, because I can feel my emotions and can remember how awful I felt on psychiatric "medications."

 

Hang in there if you are in the process of withdrawal from anti-depressants.  Do whatever it takes to get healthy.

🥰 RM

[Cheeky]

Thankyou so much for this post, I really needed that today cx

[Hms123]

Congrats @RealMe, your success story is very inspiring! Wishing you further good health ❤️.

[KenA]

On 3/20/2021 at 10:26 AM, RealMe said:

My mantra is to "never snivel or weep in front of anyone with a prescription pad."

Love this!!

[arbor]

On 4/10/2021 at 8:13 PM, RealMe said:

Whatever sounds like a good idea for living comfortably is something I might try.  Most of all, I refuse to identify as a depressed or anxious person.

Absolutely, @RealMe--!!!!   Thank you for your posts💗

Arbor

[getofflex]

What an encouraging story.  Congratulations for getting off all of that crap successfully, and sharing your story here.