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Bstie2606: I think I messed up big times need help may have done some permanent damage


bstie2606

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Hey

Let just say that I did a lot of stupid things the last 2 years when we talk about medicine use, and now I think I have done some serious damage.

So it all stared when I developed depressions and anxiety discord/OCD in late 2018. I went to a psychiatry where I got some medication and other helpful tips I felt great afterwords and during the time there.

So now here is where I got really stupid. Instead of taking my medicines which helped me a lot I started to care less and less about them this resulted in me taking them less and more inconstantly sometimes long enough for small withdrawn symptoms do appear nothing major tho. Sometimes I only took half my does sometimes I did not take them for a few days then stared to take them again sometimes i only took one of them over some time and so on. i also took some mirtazapin here and there becouse they helped me sleep

Over the time hover I stared to take them even less frequent and with longer pauses in between which in turn made my anxiety worse there were periods where I did not take them for a few weeks until starting them back up again because my stupid ass realized that they helped. I am sure there were a few times when I was basically off them.

So 2020/11 is where the horror begins I got hit with big stomach problems/which I now think is Gastroparesis based on my symptoms/feelings) out of nowhere. It all stared a bit on the milder site so I thought it was because my anxiety was high, and it messed with my stomach/especially because I often had small waves of stomachs problems which I just thought were caused by my bad lifestyle. Well after some time more symptoms cropped up which never i had before including weird one's like sexual dysfunction so i started to take it more serious went to a few doctors did a few test nothing found which could explain my problems said it's all in my head.

Which leads me to now did I seriously developed Gastroparesis/autonomic dysfunction/serotonin damage because I never took my meds the "right" way and never tapered them off basically did multiply "mini cold turnkeys" over the years. But i never really had any problems with withdrawing before only minor problems for a few weeks after stopping. So why did I now get this after having not taking them for a longer amount of time, sadly I do not know when the last time was that i took them before this all started.I even started Escitalopram again for a few days again mid-January but i stopped it because i thought that would make my problems worse.


I mean I noticed that I felt worse the longer the year went on which is about the same time I reduced my intake even further. But I thought that it was just because my anxiety got worse again.

What should I do now? Should I start my meds again to see if it helps or just wait it out which I have been doing for 5 months now and symptoms do not get better?

Can such things even be caused by some kind of delayed withdrawal since that was the only thing I did take my meds less and less over the time so there has to be a connection or something.

 

PS: Please excuse my bad English


 

2018/10 2 week mirtazapine trial had no effect on me tapered it off again.
2018/10/ 2 weeks on lorazepam 3 mg per day had no problems coming off.
2018/11 slowly started opipramol from 50 up to 150 over the course of 1 month helped a bit.
2018/12 started on 5 mg Escitalopram and went up to 10 over the month fellt great on it.
At this time i was taking 150/mg opipramol and 10 mg Escitalopram per day.
2019 took my meds on and off for gods now what reasons small withdrawal symptoms here and there nothing major took mirtazapine(for sleep) and lorazepam (for anxiety attacks) when needed.
2020 took them even less withdrawals got worse and anxiety(rebound?) got worse too took mirtazapine(for sleep) and lorazepam (for anxiety attacks) when needed. Last dose must have been around end of August start of September).
2021/1 went on Escitalopram 5 mg for 3 days to see if it helps my symptoms stopped after that.

Off all meds since then.

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  • getofflex changed the title to Bstie2606: I think I messed up big times need help may have done some permanent damage
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hello, and welcome to SA.  We are a peer owned and run forum of people who have been or are getting off of psychiatric drugs.  

 

First of all, can you please give us specific information about your drug history?  Please read the link below for instructions.  This will allow us to give you the best guidance.  I realize that your drug use was pretty spotty, but if you can give us some information about it that would help us know how to guide you.   I will need to know more about your specific drug history and current drug use to be able to make suggestions.  

 

How to List Drug History in Signature

 

You said "Can such things even be caused by some kind of delayed withdrawal since that was the only thing I did take my meds less and less over the time so there has to be a connection or something."  Yes, it can.  If you read the following links, it will help you understand why this is so.  This thread talks about never skipping doses to taper, but the same applies to when you are on the drug and not tapering.  The more we start and stop the drugs, or take them inconsistently, the more sensitized our nervous systems tend to become.  

 

Never Skip Doses to Taper

 

Nervous System Hypersensitivity, etc.

 

Keep it Simple, Slow, and Stable

 

This helps you understand what withdrawal syndrome is: 

 

What is Withdrawal Syndrome?

 

Here is some information about how these drugs actually work.  

 

How Psychiatric Drugs Remodel Your Brain

 

When we recover, there are times of feeling OK mixed in with times of feeling bad.  This is called windows and waves.

 

Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

Here are some techniques to cope with symptoms: 

 

Non Drug Ways to Cope with Withdrawal Symptoms

 

 

We don't suggest many supplements, but 3 that many of us find helpful are magnesium, omega-3, and melatonin. Here are the links for info about those. It is suggested to add one at a time, and start with a low dose to see how it affects you. 

Magnesium

Omega 3 Fish Oil

Melatonin

 

I've given you quite a bit of information here.  Please read through it, and mull it over, and we will take it from there.  Please know that the brain can heal if we help it to do so.  

 

Please do not private message me.  Only tag me for urgent questions about tapering and reinstating - thank you.  

 

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

 

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 2010 - 10 mg;  started taper August 2017, recent taper info: Apr 2 '20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06, Nov 21 0.05, Dec. 17 0.04, Jan 14 '22 0.03, Feb 19 0.02, Apr 18 0.01, May 15 0.005,  Jul 8, 0.00.  Psych Drug Free as of July 8, 2022!!  Woohoo!!!

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

magnesium in small amounts at 4 AM, before bed

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, multivitamin, zinc

suppl 8 PM: magnesium 350 mg, extended release vitamin C, melatonin 2 mg

 

Paxil 2002 - 2010, switched to Lexapro 2010 

Trazodone 50 mg. 2002 - 2019, fast tapered in 2019 

Xanax 0.5 mg as needed 2002 - 2019, up to 3x weekly 

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Hey.

I added my signature and read through all the info you have showed me.

I think the "crash" was just bound to come with how i treated my body/mind/nerves.

And now that I think about it, I started to feel worse the longer I gave pure **** about my mind/body/health/lifestyle and taking the meds even less must have been the last straw.

Now in hindsight my body did give me signal that it's not happy but i always just attributed them to my anxiety and taking my meds on and off rather then me just being in a bad spot.

We always give a **** until its to late, and your body/nervous system just straight up gives up isn't it.

 

It always has to come to the worst until you finally realize what you have done, shame.

 

But that's just how humans are I guess.

 

 

 

2018/10 2 week mirtazapine trial had no effect on me tapered it off again.
2018/10/ 2 weeks on lorazepam 3 mg per day had no problems coming off.
2018/11 slowly started opipramol from 50 up to 150 over the course of 1 month helped a bit.
2018/12 started on 5 mg Escitalopram and went up to 10 over the month fellt great on it.
At this time i was taking 150/mg opipramol and 10 mg Escitalopram per day.
2019 took my meds on and off for gods now what reasons small withdrawal symptoms here and there nothing major took mirtazapine(for sleep) and lorazepam (for anxiety attacks) when needed.
2020 took them even less withdrawals got worse and anxiety(rebound?) got worse too took mirtazapine(for sleep) and lorazepam (for anxiety attacks) when needed. Last dose must have been around end of August start of September).
2021/1 went on Escitalopram 5 mg for 3 days to see if it helps my symptoms stopped after that.

Off all meds since then.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

It's a good thing that you realize this now.  Most of us here on the forum find that getting these drugs out of our system is the best way to find healing and recovery.  Healing is a gradual process that takes a long time, but it is worth it. It is amazing how effective the non drug coping solutions are.  For me personally the meds were like being given a painkiller for a cancer - it numbed the pain only for a short time, but didn't do anything about the actual problem.  

Please do not private message me.  Only tag me for urgent questions about tapering and reinstating - thank you.  

 

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

 

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 2010 - 10 mg;  started taper August 2017, recent taper info: Apr 2 '20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06, Nov 21 0.05, Dec. 17 0.04, Jan 14 '22 0.03, Feb 19 0.02, Apr 18 0.01, May 15 0.005,  Jul 8, 0.00.  Psych Drug Free as of July 8, 2022!!  Woohoo!!!

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

magnesium in small amounts at 4 AM, before bed

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, multivitamin, zinc

suppl 8 PM: magnesium 350 mg, extended release vitamin C, melatonin 2 mg

 

Paxil 2002 - 2010, switched to Lexapro 2010 

Trazodone 50 mg. 2002 - 2019, fast tapered in 2019 

Xanax 0.5 mg as needed 2002 - 2019, up to 3x weekly 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hey
So i have now decided that I want to restart my drugs since my symptoms seems to get worse, and I would like to know if restarting would maybe make my stomach/ANS function again it's the only thing I have left anyways.
But I would like to know which of my both drugs I should start first.
I know that the Escitalopram is much stronger and made a big difference once I went on it back in 2018 but i don't know if that was because I was taking the Opipramol already or because the drug was strong.
Opipramol would be easier for me to start again since I took a much bigger dose which would make it easier for me to slowly start it again.
Thoughts?

And if I start again how much should I take i personally would have started with 25 Opipramol per day if I would start with that, or with 2,5 Escitalopram if I would start with that.

 

 

2018/10 2 week mirtazapine trial had no effect on me tapered it off again.
2018/10/ 2 weeks on lorazepam 3 mg per day had no problems coming off.
2018/11 slowly started opipramol from 50 up to 150 over the course of 1 month helped a bit.
2018/12 started on 5 mg Escitalopram and went up to 10 over the month fellt great on it.
At this time i was taking 150/mg opipramol and 10 mg Escitalopram per day.
2019 took my meds on and off for gods now what reasons small withdrawal symptoms here and there nothing major took mirtazapine(for sleep) and lorazepam (for anxiety attacks) when needed.
2020 took them even less withdrawals got worse and anxiety(rebound?) got worse too took mirtazapine(for sleep) and lorazepam (for anxiety attacks) when needed. Last dose must have been around end of August start of September).
2021/1 went on Escitalopram 5 mg for 3 days to see if it helps my symptoms stopped after that.

Off all meds since then.

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Ok little update after 1 pill I have decidet to stop it again not because i felt anything major but because i don't think that's the way to go TBH it has been too long anyways.

But I still have a question could have my big crash be coursed by a mix of me starting to drink energy drinks and taking I think 2? Pills of ibuprofen i remember that I consumed theses things prior to my crash maybe they have contributed to it? Funnily enough I took these for problems which I now think where because of withdrawal (jaw pain/TMJ and heart palpation)

I also remember  that i ate lost of chips with MSG with which i had problems before i think.

Since my nerve system was apparently already ***** there especially my ANS since i now remember that I slowly noticed lots of temperature and heart problems over the months.

 

 

2018/10 2 week mirtazapine trial had no effect on me tapered it off again.
2018/10/ 2 weeks on lorazepam 3 mg per day had no problems coming off.
2018/11 slowly started opipramol from 50 up to 150 over the course of 1 month helped a bit.
2018/12 started on 5 mg Escitalopram and went up to 10 over the month fellt great on it.
At this time i was taking 150/mg opipramol and 10 mg Escitalopram per day.
2019 took my meds on and off for gods now what reasons small withdrawal symptoms here and there nothing major took mirtazapine(for sleep) and lorazepam (for anxiety attacks) when needed.
2020 took them even less withdrawals got worse and anxiety(rebound?) got worse too took mirtazapine(for sleep) and lorazepam (for anxiety attacks) when needed. Last dose must have been around end of August start of September).
2021/1 went on Escitalopram 5 mg for 3 days to see if it helps my symptoms stopped after that.

Off all meds since then.

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  • 1 month later...
  • Moderator Emeritus
On 4/3/2021 at 4:31 PM, bstie2606 said:

So i have now decided that I want to restart my drugs since my symptoms seems to get worse, and I would like to know if restarting would maybe make my stomach/ANS function again it's the only thing I have left anyways.
But I would like to know which of my both drugs I should start first.

I'm sorry about the delay in response.  Please remember that getting off psych meds involves a nonlinear recovery.  Adding more drugs whenever we feel worse is not necessarily a solution. Sometimes, we suggest a very small temporary reinstatement, if the symptoms become unbearable.  The more you stop and start drugs, the more likely it is that your nervous system becomes confused and unstable, and this could cause more problems for you.  If you read the links I gave you originally, you will see why this is so.  

Please do not private message me.  Only tag me for urgent questions about tapering and reinstating - thank you.  

 

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

 

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 2010 - 10 mg;  started taper August 2017, recent taper info: Apr 2 '20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06, Nov 21 0.05, Dec. 17 0.04, Jan 14 '22 0.03, Feb 19 0.02, Apr 18 0.01, May 15 0.005,  Jul 8, 0.00.  Psych Drug Free as of July 8, 2022!!  Woohoo!!!

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

magnesium in small amounts at 4 AM, before bed

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, multivitamin, zinc

suppl 8 PM: magnesium 350 mg, extended release vitamin C, melatonin 2 mg

 

Paxil 2002 - 2010, switched to Lexapro 2010 

Trazodone 50 mg. 2002 - 2019, fast tapered in 2019 

Xanax 0.5 mg as needed 2002 - 2019, up to 3x weekly 

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  • Mentor

You will definitely recover though. I have been through literal hell because of escitalopram and I'm currently doing much better after reinstatement.

I'm now slowly tapering off, following the guidelines and advice on this website.

Please listen to what the moderators say here as they really know what they're doing.

If they say something that goes against what your doctor says, please believe the moderators here.

They have decades of real life experience with these drugs and they literally saved my life.

Peace and healing

- Escitalopram 10mg from ages 15 - 21

- Severe crash after 4 month taper to 0

- Reinstated, stabilized, slowly tapering.

 

"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it." - Hellen Keller

I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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