TheBobbi: Severe 100% anhedonia with no windows, waves or anxiety

[TheBobbi]

Hey people. I wanted to ask if anyone has experianced this.

After I was damaged by citalopram and anafranil 12 months have passed with no improvement to anhedonia. While reading stories of people with anhedonia I noticed that most people with anhedonia that recover experiance windows, waves and anxiety with their anhedonia. What worries me is that I have neither of those. I havent had any window or improvement even a tiny one for those months. Even one window would have been able to give me hope. But havent had any for 12 months since I was damaged. I also can`t say that I have waves because I`m so numb that I can`t even feel the anxiety/inner terror/ fobia feeling people describe with their anhedonia. There`s no fear, anxiety terror. I`m just totally numb robot. there are no wonows, waves, anxiet just complete anhedonia which never changes no matter what I do. Has anyone else experianced this. Having no winows or waves and anxiety for months and recovered. The fact that I don`t have any of these really worries me because thats how you know wether you will get well. I think my body is really messed up. Please, tell me people. Has anyone had the same thing and managed to improve?

[Barbarannamated]

TheBobbi,

 

Did you experience anxiety during your taper?

 

Your description of unending anhedonia resonates with me. I was not prone to anxiety prior to MANY drugs. I developed anxiety with several CTs/switches over the years (now recognize aswithdrawal). I'm 1 year post Pristiq and the anhedonia, apathy, fatigue are overwhelming. I transitioned from an anxious state DURING 8 month taper to this exhaustian at about 6 months after last dose.

If I experience anxiety now, it's due to apathy and anhedonia, as you mentioned. It is worse than the emotional blunting on SS/NRIs.

 

This doesnt offer help, but wanted to let you know I have similar experience. I'm unable to anticipate "good" although I expect the negative. I do believe it will improve although I, to, have difficulty identifying windows. Mine have been "the anxiety stage" and the "shutdown phase".

[TheBobbi]

Hi Barbarannamated

I had anxiety and partial anhedonia and windows after I took Citalopram but then did a horrible mistake and took and Anafranil pill which caused me to become completely numb (no anxiety or windows) The anhedonia just became complete with no change. The only thing I feel every day and night is complete anhedonia( emotionless, numbness), apathy and severe brain fog. And these symptoms never change through the day or night. I don`t even have emotions in my dreams. They`re all black and white like the reallity I live in. I sleep a lot , but no matter how much I sleep I always feel tired and it doesn`t improve how I feel.

[Barbarannamated]

AltoStrata, the admin, will best checking in and advise.

 

I didn't see if you began an Introductory thread. She may use this as your intro. It would be helpful to know your med history: when you began, dosages, how you tapered, dates.

 

I haven't recalled dreams until recently, a year off of Pristiq. They definitely effect sleep architecture.

 

Hang in there!

[Altostrata]

Hello, TheBobbi, thanks for joining us. This will be your Intro and Updates thread where you can keep track of your progress.

 

Because you will progress!

 

Your neurons are still recovering from the medication. It may take them some time to reform themselves to normal functioning.

 

Are you taking fish oil? If you can tolerate it (most people can), this can help your brain repair itself.

 

I think it's a good sign you're sleeping so much, this may be healing for your nervous system.

[TheBobbi]

Hi Barbarannamated and Altrostrata

Thank you so much for your reply. I also red that many people who have windows,waves and anxiety with their anhedonia also have partial insomnia and they seem to recover. And when they sleep some more they feel better have windows. With me things are a bit confusing. I can say that I sleep too much. Which is also not good. Its like hypersomnia. Sometimes I sleep 13 hours or more which is not good. And the worse part is that for some reason, the sleep doesnt improve things. I sleep a lot and both in my sleep and when I`m awake I feel extemely exhausted and the anhedonia pursists without even slightes change. Its really worrying. that`s why I was thinking many time that I might be a really bad case because the anhedonia is sooo deep that I can`t even feel windows or even anxiety. Nothing seems to get in. All I feel through the day and night is severy futigue, tiredness, apathy and emotionlessness. Sometimes if I concentrate really hard I can even cry a little bit but I don`t produce much tears. Just few drops from my right eye.

I was taking fish oil for sometime but got really discourage from the pursitant anhedonia and I stopped it. But I know its not right to stop it. It can only do good for me not harm me. And I`m thinking to start it again after I manage to find job of my own to allow me to buy fish oil in bigger quantities. Right now I`m living with my parents its really bad because I`m dependant on them at the moment and they don`t understand anhedonia and not vey well financially and I keep looking for a job. I found one for a while but they fired me because I was too slow and disoriented. I did my best on the job but it seems the anhedonia didnt do me any good. People on work could see somethings wrong with me and that Im really foggy and disoriented. But I`ll keep looking until I find something.

[Altostrata]

You may be sleeping because your body knows that's what it needs to heal itself.

 

Try not to worry about the anhedonia. It does go away. Stay calm, try to occupy your mind with interesting activities. Tell yourself you are healing.

 

Gentle walking each day also helps the nervous system to heal. Are you getting out and getting exercise?

[TheBobbi]

Sometimes I go to run and I even took yoga for a while but I got discouraged and stop doing it. The lack of motivation really makes thing bad. I went running this past saturday but I was so brain dead that it was really discouraging. I also went to the beach to swim, I didnt feel like it but I forced myself to do it. I noticed that its very hard to get things done in this state. It took me 6 months just write 2 reports.

[Skyler]

Sometimes I go to run and I even took yoga for a while but I got discouraged and stop doing it. The lack of motivation really makes thing bad. I went running this past saturday but I was so brain dead that it was really discouraging. I also went to the beach to swim, I didnt feel like it but I forced myself to do it. I noticed that its very hard to get things done in this state. It took me 6 months just write 2 reports.

 

Thing is, do you feel less unwell when you exercise?

[TheBobbi]

Thing is, do you feel less unwell when you exercise?

 

Its really hard to say. Whatever I do the brainfog pursists. And I feel tired all the time. When I run I can feel that my heart is beating faster but my brain feels dead

[Skyler]

 

Its really hard to say. Whatever I do the brainfog pursists. And I feel tired all the time. When I run I can feel that my heart is beating faster but my brain feels dead

 

I can identify because I have had brain fog from another cause. Dispiriting. I do think that the body knows though, even if the mind does not register.. that said, it's not so easy to self motivate when feeling that way.. for sure.

[Altostrata]

You don't need to run. Do gentle exercise like walking. If you like to swim, swim in a relaxed way.

 

Don't push your body, support it with pleasant physical activity.

 

Be sure to at least walk one-half hour each day.

[TheBobbi]

 

 

 

I can identify because I have had brain fog from another cause. Dispiriting. I do think that the body knows though, even if the mind does not register.. that said, it's not so easy to self motivate when feeling that way.. for sure.

 

Yes motivation is very hard. Sometimes I get the idea of exercise and I go out and start running. It forced out but I still do it. And I do it for sometime but then it gets harder and harder to do because of the extreme lack of motivation

[Skyler]

Yes motivation is very hard. Sometimes I get the idea of exercise and I go out and start running. It forced out but I still do it. And I do it for sometime but then it gets harder and harder to do because of the extreme lack of motivation

 

Yes, most difficult, but as Alto says.. this will pass for you. Glad you are sharing. ~S

[TheBobbi]

Thanks my friends. I hope it improves. I will stop caffein as well maybe thats making things worse as well. Caffein really doesnt work on me but I still drink it to try get rid of the brainfog at least a little bit. Ill see to stop taking it too.

[annej]

Thanks my friends. I hope it improves. I will stop caffein as well maybe thats making things worse as well. Caffein really doesnt work on me but I still drink it to try get rid of the brainfog at least a little bit. Ill see to stop taking it too.

 

Hi TheBobbi,

 

I am so sorry you are dealing with this.

 

I don't know how long you have been drinking coffee, but if you would like to ultimately stop drinking it, it has been my experience that abruptly discontinuing coffee led to a 3 day "migraine-like" headache (complete with sensitivity to light and nausea), severe irritability, and over the long haul, more depressive symptoms. If stopping coffee has never been a problem in the past than disregard. If in doubt, start by reducing your caffeine by half by mixing "leaded" with "unleaded" coffee and reduce the lead a little bit each day.

 

Also, in a study I read, due to caffeine's stimulating properties, people who drink coffee every day are less prone to depression. If you do not have any problem with anxiety, you may want to keep the caffeine on board - it may, in fact, be giving you a small, yet positive response which is better than nothing. I hope you start to feel better soon. Hugs, Annej

[Barbarannamated]

TheBobbi,

Others have reported feeling worse with strenuous exercise during this time. If you feel worse, that will certainly remove any motivation to continue. You seem like someone who expects alot from yourself and this "invisible illness" and temporary lowered ability is tough to grasp.

 

I'm sorry your living situation is stressful. Many people are moving back in with family in this economy (or not moving out). Do you think your family might be open to reading about what you are experiencing? There's a wealth of information on this site. Others have taken medical leave because they were having difficulty with concentration and stress at work, so your work story is not at all surprising.

 

Hang in there and remember that you are healing from effects of drugs. Just because they are prescribed by a doctor does not mean they are less dangerous, unfortunately. That is a very hard concept for most people to come to terms with, especially those who haven't been harmed (such as your family) or don't yet realize it.

 

I agree with Anniej's advice regarding coffee. If it isn't too activating to you, you may be experiencing some benefit.

[Nikki]

Hi Bobbi

 

I had anhedonia when I stopped taking Imipramine. Yes it is an emotionaless state. My daughter kept asking me when I would start talking again. I explained it was a symptom of WD.

 

It did go away. During the anhedonia I did not really have anxiety either.

 

Exercise or mild exercise like swimming, walking can help kick start you into stepping out of anhedonia. Watching funny movies, reading funny stories or watching your favorite comedian doing a stand up performance can help also. You will start to laugh and laughing is contagious.

 

Can you please post your medical history and how you got off of the meds? If it was abrupt, this may account for how you are feeling 12 months later.

 

Don't lose heart, it will pass...

[Altostrata]

Very good advice, Nikki!

[TheBobbi]

Hi Bobbi

 

I had anhedonia when I stopped taking Imipramine. Yes it is an emotionaless state. My daughter kept asking me when I would start talking again. I explained it was a symptom of WD.

 

It did go away. During the anhedonia I did not really have anxiety either.

 

Exercise or mild exercise like swimming, walking can help kick start you into stepping out of anhedonia. Watching funny movies, reading funny stories or watching your favorite comedian doing a stand up performance can help also. You will start to laugh and laughing is contagious.

 

Can you please post your medical history and how you got off of the meds? If it was abrupt, this may account for how you are feeling 12 months later.

 

Don't lose heart, it will pass...

 

 

Thanks Nikki. The absense of any emotions, windows even anxiety/fobia feeling really worried me. Anxiety might be a bad experiance but its still something, its better then feeling completeley absent of any feeling. Its wonderful to here that you have recovered from such a severe state. How did you feel when you started to improve? Many people talk about windows, even appearing throughtout their withdrawel. But I noticed I haven`t had those, even a little one for 12 months after my second reaction. One little window would be able to give me hope. I had two reactions, to 2 antidepressants. First I took citalopram 20mg for a week in the end of march( I know that it sounds like a short time to do damage but beive me if I say that I went through I nightmere) it caused serotonin syndrome in my brain, it completely altered my brain chemistry I couldnt eat almost anything or sleep on it, it completely destroyed my apetite, it caused me arrithmia, I was extremely allert but I was like a zombie with no emotions, I stopped it suddenly after those 5 days but it was too late, my brain chemistry was already severely altered. After that I went into nightmere, there where pannic attacks and anxiety comming from nowhere and anhedonia with them, but the anhedonia started to change sometime. After some while I started to have windows which lasted from few mintutes to few hours at night. When I had these I felt almost like my old self but then the anhedonia and anxiety/terror feeling returned and I would get suicidal thoughts. I didnt know that there others who had the same thing and improved. At that time I was searching for stories of recovery but didnt see the positive ones and got confused and thought Ill never recover. Thats when I did the second terrible mistake. At the end of may I took another antidepressant called anafranil. I was affraid to take it but the psychiatrist that prescribe it to me said that Ill never recover without it. And I was an ididot again and I took it, just one pill threw me into a complete state of anhedonia. The anxiety was gone, along with the little traces of emotions which I was still able to sence pre anafranil and I became completely numb. The anxiety/fobia feeling was completely gone and also the windows and waves never returned. Before the anafranil I had partial anhedonia but I was still very allert because of the anxiety but after it disappeared a total brain fog fell on me. And I have been like this for 12 months. I think sometimes that if I didnt take that anafranil pill I would have bigger chances of improvement because I was able to have windows, waves and anxiety with my anhedonia just like many people here who managed to recover. But I did a terrible mistake and took that anafranil pill whcih made things worse for me. And now I`ve been a robot for 12 months

Can you tell me how to post my medical history?

[TheBobbi]

TheBobbi,

Others have reported feeling worse with strenuous exercise during this time. If you feel worse, that will certainly remove any motivation to continue. You seem like someone who expects alot from yourself and this "invisible illness" and temporary lowered ability is tough to grasp.

 

I'm sorry your living situation is stressful. Many people are moving back in with family in this economy (or not moving out). Do you think your family might be open to reading about what you are experiencing? There's a wealth of information on this site. Others have taken medical leave because they were having difficulty with concentration and stress at work, so your work story is not at all surprising.

 

Hang in there and remember that you are healing from effects of drugs. Just because they are prescribed by a doctor does not mean they are less dangerous, unfortunately. That is a very hard concept for most people to come to terms with, especially those who haven't been harmed (such as your family) or don't yet realize it.

 

I agree with Anniej's advice regarding coffee. If it isn't too activating to you, you may be experiencing some benefit.

 

Hi Barbarannamated

Thank you for you words

My familly really doesnt understand what Im going through. I`ve been trying to explain to them for a year but none of them undrestands what it is like and are not in much support of me. I noticed about the coffee, that when I drink it, it doesnt have any affect on me at all. If I stop it I get the headaches but nothing else. It doesnt create emotions or anxiety. I drink it to get rid of the horrible brain fog but it doesnt work but I still drink it. No matter how much I drink I always feel tired , its like I never drank coffee. Once I drak a really strong coffee. My familly was overstimulated from it but for me it did nothing. When I drank it I felt sleepy and even more foggy it doesnt seem to help much

[TheBobbi]

 

 

Hi TheBobbi,

 

I am so sorry you are dealing with this.

 

I don't know how long you have been drinking coffee, but if you would like to ultimately stop drinking it, it has been my experience that abruptly discontinuing coffee led to a 3 day "migraine-like" headache (complete with sensitivity to light and nausea), severe irritability, and over the long haul, more depressive symptoms. If stopping coffee has never been a problem in the past than disregard. If in doubt, start by reducing your caffeine by half by mixing "leaded" with "unleaded" coffee and reduce the lead a little bit each day.

 

Also, in a study I read, due to caffeine's stimulating properties, people who drink coffee every day are less prone to depression. If you do not have any problem with anxiety, you may want to keep the caffeine on board - it may, in fact, be giving you a small, yet positive response which is better than nothing. I hope you start to feel better soon. Hugs, Annej

 

Thanks Anej, Ive been drinking it for a long time but it doesnt seem to do anything for me or improve my mood. It doesnt do things worse or better. It just has no effect on me at all but I still drink it out of desperation to get rid of the brainfog

[Nikki]

Bobbi....click on your name - in upper right hand corner of new screen click on the box "edit my profile". Scroll down and in the empty box type in you drug history and it will appear on your posts.

 

Citalopram = Lexapro in the States. It is more common than you may think for someone to take an ssri for a short time and have a huge problem like you did.

 

I just looked up Anafranil which is a tricyclic used to treat OCD which you didn't have. You had anxiety. When I was coming off Lexapro I was given Imipramine which is for anxiety. I don't know how closely these medications are related, but I am gathering your problem was from Lexapro. Did you cold turkey the Lexapro?

 

Please don't beat yourself up for taking these (2) drugs. Your doctor prescribed them for you. You were trying to help yourself. We just aren't clairvoyant and never knew what was ahead of us when taking this stuff.

 

If you are not having anxiety, don't question it, just Thank God. Most of us have both @ the same time which is brutal.

 

Maybe Alto or some of the others can elaborate more on anhedonia. I had it briefly.

 

My earlier suggestion is to try and be somewhat forceful, in a pleasant way, to see if it helps. See if you can start laughing. If you can, you are on your way. Don't worry about crying. I think in anhedonia we cry inside.

 

Nikki

[meistersinger]

Actually citalopram=Celexa. It's escitalopram=lexapro.

[Barbarannamated]

TheBobbi,

 

Just stopping in to say I'm thinking about you.

 

You describe anhedonia well. It really hits home. The "nothingness" is difficult because it has no energy to work with or redirect. When I had some anxiety, it kept me moving. I DON'T believe it was ever as severe as some people experience. Many therapies exist to calm the mind, slow down thought patterns. I'm not aware of how therapists work with absence of feeling and energy. Perhaps Schuyler will weight in.

 

What were you experiencing or feeling before you began citalopram?

 

Please have an alert in your medical records and with doctors that you suffered from serotonin syndrome during initiation of therapy. That is an extreme adverse drug reaction. Were you taking any other meds or supplements at the time?

 

You might try aromatherapy with an activating essential oil such as mandarin, lemon, peppermint. Sometimes smells get through when other stimuli don't. I used Lavendar, known for calming properties, when I was anxious, but now it is repugnant. I've experimented with essential oils on animals and some loved Lavendar and would almost knock me over to get more (not good when it's a horse!). Others had similar reaction to different scents. They can be very powerful and evoke memories and feelings that you can't access otherwise. Be sure to get a pure essential oil and try several to find the one or two that you like. You'll *know*- it's a primal type of reaction. AROMATHERAPY DISCUSSION

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2213-studies-have-shown-lavendar-and-jasmine-are-calming/page__fromsearch__1

 

Are you in the care of a doctor you trust and can talk with? Has your thyroid been checked? Hypothyroidism can cause terrible brain fog and difficulty with concentration and memory. Check out the discussions on thyroid testing. TSH is most often done but is not a reliable indicator.

THYROID SYMPTOMS AND TESTING:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1593-thyroid-symptoms/page__fromsearch__

 

Sorry for the barrage of questions. You've been on my mind.

 

Hugs!

Barb

[Skyler]

Many therapies exist to calm the mind, slow down thought patterns. I'm not aware of how therapists work with absence of feeling and energy. Perhaps Schuyler will weight in.

Barb

 

Would that therapists had a magic wand to make the depression go away... that said, encouraging folks to vent (don't underestimate the power of getting it all out with someone who cares!), and giving support. Some of the depression is due to the nothingness you describe, but superimposed is a secondary depression because you have anhedonia. It's really the pits, now way around it, and TheBobbi, I'm so very sorry you are having such a bad time.

 

On a personal note, I've have had tinnitus for the past two months, and some days are interminable. Last night, just when I thought things were getting better, the bells and whistles got way worse. I dreaded the morning because the cortisol effect has amplified symptoms 100% of the time. Not today. The sound level fell from 6 to a one. Unreal, the cocophony is really seems to be going away. What does this have to do with you.. you are not having windows, or perhaps even waves, but when you expect it least your symptoms will start to wane. I know it does not seem so on the moment, but they surely will. And you don't even need to believe it.. at least for me, positive thinking need not apply, as in last night dreading the day. So no effort, just try as much as possible to detach yourself, and let the process flow.

 

Give yourself a hug, K? Better days are headed you way.~S

[Altostrata]

TheBobbi, there are a small group of genetically vulnerable people who very quickly have serious adverse reactions to antidepressants -- it's the serotonin sensitivity, as you've observed -- and take a long time to recover from it even after stopping the medications.

 

We have a few other members who had similar experiences. They are also gradually recovering.

 

I experienced the anhedonia -- I prefer to call it emotional anesthesia, to distinguish it from the psychiatric symptom -- for a long time myself, along with depersonalization. It went away very gradually.

 

Emotional anesthesia is a scary symptom. Perhaps the most distressing aspect of it is the lack of a sense of reward in anything you do. But -- that sense of reward is still in you, however faint. Focus on taking care of yourself and doing things that are pleasant, however dim the feeling is. You will need to be patient, you will recover.

[Skyler]

Emotional anesthesia is a scary symptom. Perhaps the most distressing aspect of it is the lack of a sense of reward in anything you do. But -- that sense of reward is still in you, however faint. Focus on taking care of yourself and doing things that are pleasant, however dim the feeling is. You will need to be patient, you will recover.

 

Agreed.. well said Alto. That's a positive worth looking for, the pleasant surrounds no matter how dim, it is still there, and will grow as you recover. ~S

[Barbarannamated]

Excellent point about differentiating "emotional anesthesia" from "anhedonia", hallmark of depression diagnosis.

[TheBobbi]

Bobbi....click on your name - in upper right hand corner of new screen click on the box "edit my profile". Scroll down and in the empty box type in you drug history and it will appear on your posts.

 

Citalopram = Lexapro in the States. It is more common than you may think for someone to take an ssri for a short time and have a huge problem like you did.

 

I just looked up Anafranil which is a tricyclic used to treat OCD which you didn't have. You had anxiety. When I was coming off Lexapro I was given Imipramine which is for anxiety. I don't know how closely these medications are related, but I am gathering your problem was from Lexapro. Did you cold turkey the Lexapro?

 

Please don't beat yourself up for taking these (2) drugs. Your doctor prescribed them for you. You were trying to help yourself. We just aren't clairvoyant and never knew what was ahead of us when taking this stuff.

 

If you are not having anxiety, don't question it, just Thank God. Most of us have both @ the same time which is brutal.

 

Maybe Alto or some of the others can elaborate more on anhedonia. I had it briefly.

 

My earlier suggestion is to try and be somewhat forceful, in a pleasant way, to see if it helps. See if you can start laughing. If you can, you are on your way. Don't worry about crying. I think in anhedonia we cry inside.

 

Nikki

 

Thanks Nikki. I did quit the citalopram cold turkey. From 20mg to nothing. I thought that it wont harm me because I took it for a very short time and thought that I wont need to withdrawel. It was a big mistake. And after that I went into a nightmere of pannic attacks, anhedonia, waves, then short windows started to appear after 2-3 weeks but I was a stupid ididot and took Anafranil 10mg pill, I was also taking 5htp at that time and it resulted in a second reaction which completely ruined me. I thought that I was doing bad after the Citalopram damage because I could feel brain was partially damaged but after I took the Anafranil it felt as if my brain completely shut down all little emotions and feelings that were left in me, even the anxiety and I realized what a second horrible mistake I did.

Thanks for your words Nikki I still try to forgive myself for what I did to me with those horrible drugs.

[Barbarannamated]

TheBobbi,

 

We all chose to take the drugs, or at least to trust that they *should* help us. I took MANY drugs for nearly 20 years that slowly made me worse and never helped. I have a tremendous amount of anger at myself, at medicine, at doctors... We were used to trusting medicine to help us. You had an intense and fast reaction. I had a slow decline. We both did the best we could with the information we had at the time.

 

Try not to be so hard on yourself.

 

B

[TheBobbi]

TheBobbi,

 

Just stopping in to say I'm thinking about you.

 

You describe anhedonia well. It really hits home. The "nothingness" is difficult because it has no energy to work with or redirect. When I had some anxiety, it kept me moving. I DON'T believe it was ever as severe as some people experience. Many therapies exist to calm the mind, slow down thought patterns. I'm not aware of how therapists work with absence of feeling and energy. Perhaps Schuyler will weight in.

 

What were you experiencing or feeling before you began citalopram?

 

Please have an alert in your medical records and with doctors that you suffered from serotonin syndrome during initiation of therapy. That is an extreme adverse drug reaction. Were you taking any other meds or supplements at the time?

 

You might try aromatherapy with an activating essential oil such as mandarin, lemon, peppermint. Sometimes smells get through when other stimuli don't. I used Lavendar, known for calming properties, when I was anxious, but now it is repugnant. I've experimented with essential oils on animals and some loved Lavendar and would almost knock me over to get more (not good when it's a horse!). Others had similar reaction to different scents. They can be very powerful and evoke memories and feelings that you can't access otherwise. Be sure to get a pure essential oil and try several to find the one or two that you like. You'll *know*- it's a primal type of reaction. AROMATHERAPY DISCUSSION

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2213-studies-have-shown-lavendar-and-jasmine-are-calming/page__fromsearch__1

 

Are you in the care of a doctor you trust and can talk with? Has your thyroid been checked? Hypothyroidism can cause terrible brain fog and difficulty with concentration and memory. Check out the discussions on thyroid testing. TSH is most often done but is not a reliable indicator.

THYROID SYMPTOMS AND TESTING:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1593-thyroid-symptoms/page__fromsearch__

 

Sorry for the barrage of questions. You've been on my mind.

 

Hugs!

Barb

 

Thanks Barb

The type of anhedonia I have now really feels like emotional enastecia. Its just so complelte. Its like all emotions and feeling have just shut down completely even the anxiety. My brain works very slowly and I find it very hard to make anything done. There`s just not any emotional drive or any kind of energy in me, just thoughts in my head which flow very slowly. Before the Citalopram I was a highly emotional person. I had days where I would feel very happy or days where I would be very sad. I was a very emotionally sensitive person. After I took the Citalopram I went into the same state you were in. There was anhedonia but it wasnt constant, if I concentrate hard enough on a smell or a song I could still be able to catch little traces of emotions, I also felt the anxiety/terror/fobia feeling with the anhedonia which many people speak of( this anxiety i had was like nothing experianced before the citalopram). The feeling was unpleasent and I had suicidal aidiations but it still kept me allert, moving and doing things. I felt very active at that time because of the severe anxiety pushed me to do things and keep searching for a way out although there was anhedonia with it. After 3-4 weeks I started to experiance short windows(few minutes to few hours)mostly at night where the anxiety feeling disappeared for sometime and I started to feel almost like my old self with emotions and the next day it would be the same cicle. I was confused and didnt know whats happenign to me, I thought thats the worst state to be in. And then I did a second terrible mistake, I took Anafranil and I was also taking 5HTP at that time to try releaf the symptoms. This was a terrible mistake. The Anafranil completely irradicated the anxiety but also all the little traces of feelings and emotions which where still left in me. I became a complete vegetable. The allertness disappeared and also the need to do things because the anxiety wasnt there anymore and my mind slowed down and horrible brain fog dropped on me. And I`ve been like this for 12 months without experianceing any anxiety, windows or waves. Just a brain dead vegetable that forces itself to do things without any drive at all. I try to keep going but many times I just want to disappear. I wish I could wake up and be that highly emotional vibrant perosn which many people where proud of. Now Im jsut a useless shell of thoughts. I had wonderful emotions which were the biggest gift in the world but I didnt realize it and didnt cherish them. I still try to forgive myself for my stupidity.

Ive been seeing a doctor homeopath. I noticed that although he sais he`s agains the methods of psychiatry he still partially thinks like a psychiatris when working with me because he was a psychiatrist in the past before becomming homeopath. I`ve been trying to make him understand this state from an year now but although he tryes to look understanding he doesnt seem to understand what Im going through. He often calles it depression and compares me to people who were depressed and had emotions when I try to tell him over and over again that Im not depressed and I just feel like a dead robot with no feelings I also wanted him to reffer me to a hormonal testing to check my thyroid and other glands in the body. He should have done that in the very beginning. But he didnt want to do that he just tryed to diagnose me without any tests on me and without knowing me and just labled me with depression when in every session I try to explain that Im not depressed just emotionless. Its really sad. This months we started to talk again about going to endocrinologist to see my glands. The doctor seems a bit uneasy about it and mom wants to believe him and that its all in my head. And now Ill be waiting for the hrmone test next month. But I cant understand why they didnt do that in very begginning. I can tell somethings wrong with the hormones too because my moth dried out completely, I stopped sweating and my skin and hair dried out and falls very easyly.

Thanks Barb. At least when people read my story and see the mistakes I did and horrible state I went in they would know not to make the same mistake as me and take more of these horrible drugs because it would certainly make things worse not better.

[TheBobbi]

TheBobbi,

 

We all chose to take the drugs, or at least to trust that they *should* help us. I took MANY drugs for nearly 20 years that slowly made me worse and never helped. I have a tremendous amount of anger at myself, at medicine, at doctors... We were used to trusting medicine to help us. You had an intense and fast reaction. I had a slow decline. We both did the best we could with the information we had at the time.

 

Try not to be so hard on yourself.

 

B

 

Thanks Barb I try every day

[TheBobbi]

 

Would that therapists had a magic wand to make the depression go away... that said, encouraging folks to vent (don't underestimate the power of getting it all out with someone who cares!), and giving support. Some of the depression is due to the nothingness you describe, but superimposed is a secondary depression because you have anhedonia. It's really the pits, now way around it, and TheBobbi, I'm so very sorry you are having such a bad time.

 

On a personal note, I've have had tinnitus for the past two months, and some days are interminable. Last night, just when I thought things were getting better, the bells and whistles got way worse. I dreaded the morning because the cortisol effect has amplified symptoms 100% of the time. Not today. The sound level fell from 6 to a one. Unreal, the cocophony is really seems to be going away. What does this have to do with you.. you are not having windows, or perhaps even waves, but when you expect it least your symptoms will start to wane. I know it does not seem so on the moment, but they surely will. And you don't even need to believe it.. at least for me, positive thinking need not apply, as in last night dreading the day. So no effort, just try as much as possible to detach yourself, and let the process flow.

 

Give yourself a hug, K? Better days are headed you way.~S

 

Thanks so much for your words Schuyler. I dream that one day I just wake up and be that great emotional person again that I once was. I swear to God that I`ll cherish every second of my life and every emotion I experiance and will be forever greatful the amazing experiance. Nothing will be able to bring me down after this nightmere. I would cherish each emotion, each experiance.

Hugs Bobbi

[TheBobbi]

TheBobbi, there are a small group of genetically vulnerable people who very quickly have serious adverse reactions to antidepressants -- it's the serotonin sensitivity, as you've observed -- and take a long time to recover from it even after stopping the medications.

 

We have a few other members who had similar experiences. They are also gradually recovering.

 

I experienced the anhedonia -- I prefer to call it emotional anesthesia, to distinguish it from the psychiatric symptom -- for a long time myself, along with depersonalization. It went away very gradually.

 

Emotional anesthesia is a scary symptom. Perhaps the most distressing aspect of it is the lack of a sense of reward in anything you do. But -- that sense of reward is still in you, however faint. Focus on taking care of yourself and doing things that are pleasant, however dim the feeling is. You will need to be patient, you will recover.

 

Thanks alto, this really seems like emotional anasthesial. All emotions and feelings are gone. Maybe the drugs damaged me because I didnt live a very healthy live before taking the drugs. I ate a lot of junk and processed food whcih has probably weakened my body. The drugs just finished me off. It didnt need a lot of pills to ruine me.

I`m glad that people manage to recover from this, it looks really encouraging to know that many people start to feel wonderful emotions again.

[Barbarannamated]

TheBobbi,

 

You need to see a good Endocrinologist. Your symptoms - physical and neurological - are classic for thyroid/endocrine dysfunction. The drugs are definitely a big factor also. The homeopath probably cannot order the testing you need and may be afraid to lose you as a patient if he refers you out. Any healthcare provider is a business and you are the customer. He does not have the service you need at this point. I believe homeopathy has its place, but he is interfering with you procuring the care you need.

 

If you are hypothyroid, you must get proper treatment. This can cause permanent neurological damage if left untreated.

 

You are not "just depressed" - hold firm to that knowledge. You've had a serious drug reaction - poisoning - that will take time to recover from. The anafranil and 5htp caused Serotonin Syndrome which can be life-threatening. YOU SURVIVED that and are recovering, but it will take time.

 

If your family has not been informed about Serotonin Syndrome, I urge you to share information with them.

 

You will regain your vibrancy. It is often the sensitive and deeply emotional people who end up on these drugs. Feeling intensely is a gift, but it can be painful.

 

Can you arrange to see an Endocrinologist on your own?

 

We're here for you.

Barb