TheBobbi: Severe 100% anhedonia with no windows, waves or anxiety

[Nikki]

Bobbi please read this slowly and re-read it

 

You are not stupid. You did not make a mistake. You were unaware and your physician should have known better. You would never speak to anyone of us this was, so please don't do it to yourself. Starting today please show yourself some compassion.

 

We all start off this way and the more we read about others we begin to realize we were really just trying to feel better and take care of ourselves.

 

Today why don't you go on to Youtube and check out some humorous videos and see if you can laugh a bit. Go out and walk, it helps to clear the mind.

 

I have a friend that listens to a sad song to purposely bring on tears. For her it is a pruging of pent-up feelings.

 

I promise you that when that first laugh and/or tear comes you will feel relieved and more emotions will follow.

[InNeedOfHope]

My symptoms started with 1 dose of Citalopram which brought on uncontrollable crying (for no reason) that I couldn't stop, I suppose the GP should have known then to not give me any more drugs. If it is the medicine that triggered it then one day you should get better. Keep having faith. I know how hard that is, but I think it is the only way. At least the people here get it.

[Barbarannamated]

InNeed and TheBobbi~ your responses to drugs seem similar. Immediate and intense.

[TheBobbi]

TheBobbi,

 

You need to see a good Endocrinologist. Your symptoms - physical and neurological - are classic for thyroid/endocrine dysfunction. The drugs are definitely a big factor also. The homeopath probably cannot order the testing you need and may be afraid to lose you as a patient if he refers you out. Any healthcare provider is a business and you are the customer. He does not have the service you need at this point. I believe homeopathy has its place, but he is interfering with you procuring the care you need.

 

If you are hypothyroid, you must get proper treatment. This can cause permanent neurological damage if left untreated.

 

You are not "just depressed" - hold firm to that knowledge. You've had a serious drug reaction - poisoning - that will take time to recover from. The anafranil and 5htp caused Serotonin Syndrome which can be life-threatening. YOU SURVIVED that and are recovering, but it will take time.

 

If your family has not been informed about Serotonin Syndrome, I urge you to share information with them.

 

You will regain your vibrancy. It is often the sensitive and deeply emotional people who end up on these drugs. Feeling intensely is a gift, but it can be painful.

 

Can you arrange to see an Endocrinologist on your own?

 

We're here for you.

Barb

 

Thanks Barb,

That really looks scary. I knew that something went wrong with the glands. The adrenal glands and thyroid has probably shut down, my body doesnt produce any adrenaline at all. I also red in ****** post of a member called DeVoid and 2 others which describe exactly the same condition I`m in now. Their emotions and feelings where completely irradicated, even the anxiety just like it happened to me after I took Anafranil and 5HTP. And Devoid wrote that thryroid and adrenal suppliments made him better which meens that something might really be wrong with the glands and thats why some people cant recover. After I took the citalopram I went into the same condition as InNeedOfHope ( I had uncontrollable crying jags, severe anxiety and anhedonia but there where windows sometimes) this lasted only few weeks and then I took that Anafranil pill along with the 5HTP and all my emotions got completely irradicated, now there is nothing not a single emotion or feeling, Im just like an empty shell. Next month my parents are finelly going to take me to endocrinologist. Its really sad that my homeopath cared all about his money through that time and my parents are willing to believe him. I`m so demented and emotioneless that I cant get even a little bit angry at them. I miss the old highly emotional Bobbi so much. When I look at my paintings it seems as if I didnt make them but they where made by someone who was much more creative, intelligent and sensitive person not the shell I am now. I feel like a nothing now.Sorry for talking like this about myself guys but I couldnt help it, I feel so useless. Before when I had emotions I thought that I have a mession and my life has a purpos to make the world a more beautiful place and create wonderful things. Now it feel like Im useless and my life dont matter anymore and this life doesnt need me and even if I die it wont matter.

I`ve tried to explain what happened to me and how the drugs damaged me to my parents for a year now. Every time I try to talk to them about this I face a wall, they just dont want to listen, dont want to believe me and keep repeating that its all in my head. If I mention to my mom about the drugs again she tells me that she doesnt want to listen anymore. They wont believe me about serotonin syndrom either. I hope that even if they dont believe in serotonin syndrome at least the endocrine test could show them that drugs really damaged me. I cant arrange the endocrinologist on my own because Im very much financially dependant on my parents right now, they are the onse holding the money not me but hopefully mom agreed to take me to endocrine test next month.

 

Thanks Barb

Bobbi

[TheBobbi]

Bobbi please read this slowly and re-read it

 

You are not stupid. You did not make a mistake. You were unaware and your physician should have known better. You would never speak to anyone of us this was, so please don't do it to yourself. Starting today please show yourself some compassion.

 

We all start off this way and the more we read about others we begin to realize we were really just trying to feel better and take care of ourselves.

 

Today why don't you go on to Youtube and check out some humorous videos and see if you can laugh a bit. Go out and walk, it helps to clear the mind.

 

I have a friend that listens to a sad song to purposely bring on tears. For her it is a pruging of pent-up feelings.

 

I promise you that when that first laugh and/or tear comes you will feel relieved and more emotions will follow.

 

Thanks Nikki

I dont know why I keep thinking about myself this way. Maybe it s because of this condition crushing all my positive thinking and the constant thought that if I didnt take these drug thing would have been different. You`re right, if I knew what these drugs are going to do to me I would have never taken them. The person who advised me to take them also thought he`s doing his best for me but didnt know too that the drugs can damage me.

Today I watched videos in a youtube of a show I used to like in the past, eventhough I couldnt feel for it I think it helped to distract my mind at least a little bit from the bad thoughts.

Thanks Nikki

[TheBobbi]

My symptoms started with 1 dose of Citalopram which brought on uncontrollable crying (for no reason) that I couldn't stop, I suppose the GP should have known then to not give me any more drugs. If it is the medicine that triggered it then one day you should get better. Keep having faith. I know how hard that is, but I think it is the only way. At least the people here get it.

 

Thanks so much InNeed

[Barbarannamated]

Bobbi,

I was going to ask if you were an artist! I had a feeling. please tell us more! It must be terrible to not feel that part of you, but it will resurface. It's in you, just masked by the drug effects. You'll have ALOT of built up emotion to express thru painting when it starts to flow again.

 

I should have clarified ... the similarity I saw between you and InNeed was in how fast and strongly you responded to drugs. That probably indicates something about how ypu metabolize drugs. Always be careful with meds and only use a micro dose until you see how you react.

 

Unfortunately, the homeopath reluctance to give you direction is all too common. That happens with MDs also, fearing they'll lose a patient to a specialist, for example.

 

Im glad you have time before seeing an endocrinologist. It will give you a chance to get some input from the forum members more knowledgeable about endocrine testing (Karma!). The results can be skewed a bit after drugs and during withdrawal, but you are a year out. That's a good amount of time. Do you know of any conditions that are in your family? Now that I know of the autoimmune endocrine problems ive had, I see signs of it throughout my family.

 

You'll be fine!

[TheBobbi]

Bobbi,

I was going to ask if you were an artist! I had a feeling. please tell us more! It must be terrible to not feel that part of you, but it will resurface. It's in you, just masked by the drug effects. You'll have ALOT of built up emotion to express thru painting when it starts to flow again.

 

I should have clarified ... the similarity I saw between you and InNeed was in how fast and strongly you responded to drugs. That probably indicates something about how ypu metabolize drugs. Always be careful with meds and only use a micro dose until you see how you react.

 

Unfortunately, the homeopath reluctance to give you direction is all too common. That happens with MDs also, fearing they'll lose a patient to a specialist, for example.

 

Im glad you have time before seeing an endocrinologist. It will give you a chance to get some input from the forum members more knowledgeable about endocrine testing (Karma!). The results can be skewed a bit after drugs and during withdrawal, but you are a year out. That's a good amount of time. Do you know of any conditions that are in your family? Now that I know of the autoimmune endocrine problems ive had, I see signs of it throughout my family.

 

You'll be fine!

 

Hey Barb,

I hope that I recover from this. I remember before when I had emotions, the world was so beautiful, colourful and vibrant. It was like, I could feel the spirit of every person, place and experience so intensely. It seems almost magical to me when I remember it, like I was living in a magical beautiful world created by emotions. Even when I had bad emotions I remember how beautiful and wonderful the world was, even though I didn't think like this at that time. I was able to draw inspiration from everything even something as simple as a tree or a car which other people wouldn't even notice. I didn't realize I could lose all of this Now everything seems dead and uninspiring. I had so many amazing ideas before and I couldn't wait to make them reality and after that everything was erased. I still think that the ideas and thoughts that should inspire me are there but there are no emotions to fuel them and give them colour.

Many times I think that maybe I`m not a real artist anymore, because artists feel emotions and inspiration. I`m physically still able to draw, but if I cant feel for my art, am I really an artist. These thought torture me every day.

It`s really sad, that homeopath was so nice to me all the time. Deep inside I kind of new he`s doing it for the money but I just tried not to think of that thought. The world seems to me like a really bad place right now.

Barb I`m not sure if my family has endocrine problems, at least mom and dad never had any. Well two of my grandparents died from pancreatic cancer. Is this a endocrine problems too? I was thinking that maybe my diet might have contributed to the damage too, because before I took the drugs I ate very unhealthy, mostly cheap processed and junk food and maybe that has caused my body to be weak.

Barb can you tell me something more about endocrine testing? What should I look for? Do you think that endocrine medications are safe to take?

[Altostrata]

TheBobbi, please don't blame yourself. We all made exactly the same mistake -- we trusted our doctors and we thought taking the drugs would help us.

 

It may be a good idea to get your endocrinology checked, but many of us have gone through elaborate tests that found nothing abnormal. Most likely, this is true for you, too.

 

Please stop fearing and envisioning organ damage. This only makes you feel worse and is probably groundless.

 

Take care of yourself as best you can right now. Eat good food, cut down on sugar and junk, it stresses the body. Don't hurt yourself with blaming thoughts or scare yourself unnecessarily.

[bunny88]

Hi bobbi have you seen any improvements. I had a severe 8 day reaction to lexapro and trusted my doctor so much even though the ssri mad me want to die I kept taking it because the doctor said these were start up effects. I kick myself everyday. After about a year and a half i made a 40% recovery and then tried suppliments at high dosages now im just a shell of a human. I have learned to stay away from things but i beat myself up for my poor choices everyday including trusting my doctor with my life even though i was going through sheer torture. I went on lexapro to stop panic attacks which are a different kind of torture but non the less a walk in the park compared to this. I really hope my brain can recover. This reaction is SO rare its hard to find any information on it. Getting serotonin syndrome from low dose of only one AD takes a certain type of brain chemistry as only 18% of overdose patients experince it. Im thinking possibly we have high levels of serotonin or few reuptake transporters. It gives me comfort know this is rare, seeing a neurologist tomorrow seeing a picture of my brain working will give me peace of mind. If I started recovering from my repulsive reaction including myclonus (muscle jerks) and serve akathasia bordering on suicide from being perfectly happy, then you can also.

[TheBobbi]

Hi bobbi have you seen any improvements. I had a severe 8 day reaction to lexapro and trusted my doctor so much even though the ssri mad me want to die I kept taking it because the doctor said these were start up effects. I kick myself everyday. After about a year and a half i made a 40% recovery and then tried suppliments at high dosages now im just a shell of a human. I have learned to stay away from things but i beat myself up for my poor choices everyday including trusting my doctor with my life even though i was going through sheer torture. I went on lexapro to stop panic attacks which are a different kind of torture but non the less a walk in the park compared to this. I really hope my brain can recover. This reaction is SO rare its hard to find any information on it. Getting serotonin syndrome from low dose of only one AD takes a certain type of brain chemistry as only 18% of overdose patients experince it. Im thinking possibly we have high levels of serotonin or few reuptake transporters. It gives me comfort know this is rare, seeing a neurologist tomorrow seeing a picture of my brain working will give me peace of mind. If I started recovering from my repulsive reaction including myclonus (muscle jerks) and serve akathasia bordering on suicide from being perfectly happy, then you can also.

 

Bunny

I know how you feel and how terrible this condition is. I know how you suffer from inside every day trapped inside a vacuume of emotionlesness. I also couldnt forgive myself for all the bad choices I made but I know that if we knew what is going to happen we would have prevented it. After I had a reaction to Citalopram I also started recovering but was still very confused at that time and took Anafranil which left me in the horrible shape Im in now- completely lacking of any emotions. I realized all my mistakes too late. I also saw that the condition we are in is very rare and one of the worse cases. Unfotunatelly I still havent had improvement from it for an year but Ill search for a way out. I found some very interesting things that can help us and Ill try them and let you know how it works out. I cant do it now because of finacial difficulties but hopefully in the future. The important thing is Ill be searching for a way to get us out of this horrible state and Ill let you know how it goes. Bunny I want you to know that you`re not alone in this and you can always write to me. I know how hard it is for you to forgive yourself and how those thoughts torture you every day and how lost you feel. Know that your not alone and Ill pray for you and everyone that sufferes like this every day.

[Altostrata]

Welcome, bunny. Yes, there are a small number of people who suffer severe adverse effects from antidepressants within a very short amount of time and take a very long time to recover. We have several members who have experienced this.

 

When you feel up to it, please start an Intro topic for yourself.

 

Many of us have also experienced the emotional anesthesia. I had it myself, for several years. It is a bizarre and distressing sensation, but it does get better with time.

[totenkopf]

TheBobbi, have your anhedonic symptoms ceased, or have you experienced any emotions, feelings or responses?
If you read my introduction, you are likely to observe that our symptomatology is quite similar.

[Nikki]

Bobbi.... I have a good friend who listens to a sad song to make herself cry, because she can't.  Some people can watch a sad movie and cry a river.  And then there are some hilarious movies out there.

 

I am suggesting this as a non-medication way to possibly? jump start some type of emotion.  Don't know for sure but it may help break the spell you are in.....

[amro1991]

I am wondering how the OP is feeling now since posting more than a year ago? How do you feel now Bobbi have you gotten better?

[cymbaltawithdrawal5600]

Hi amro,

 

I checked (by looking at the icon at the top of every topic to see if indeed thebobbi was 'following' this topic) and she is listed. However, if you go to her profile it says the last time she was online here was "Last Active Jul 05 2012 04:53 PM".  That is almost 3 years ago (well, 2 1/2).

 

Sometimes people change their email and so she might not ever receive a notification that someone has responded to her topic here (if she has email checkmarked as the type of notification). In that case, we'll never know. Lots of people recover completely and in the process of re-entering their lives, they forget about us (sigh).

[amro1991]

Yes I understand what you mean I figured I will try and see if I am lucky she will reply. I hope that I will be one of the members who will be able to share a success story with others so that I can give them hope just as other members have done. I wish you a complete recovery and pray for all of us to pursue successful lives.

[crhawk]

TheBobbi...I know its been a few years, so I have no way to know if you ever will receive notification of this message, but I am wondering if your emotional anesthesia has improved?  We have a very similar circumstance, in that we both had severe reactions to short term use of a med (only one dose of two different drugs for me)...

 

I am different because then I was regularly put on Xanax (now switching over to Valium, then to taper from that)....however, I had the emotional anesthesia before beginning the benzos.  I have had no improvement in this symptom whatsoever.

 

Hoping you are doing better?

[Fossy45]

Thebobbi I hope your well!

[potions]

How are you TheBobbi?