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siderale: escitalopram healed me, and I'm trying to live without it again: overcoming withdrawal symptoms


siderale

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An update (again, I apologise for being so verbose) on my symptoms: I could consider myself in a window, albeit not a clear one, some things are definitely better. Some others are still weird.

 

- Nausea has been mostly gone for the past ~4 or 5 days, and my appetite is back full force during the day since 2 days. I am finally hungry again! I have "bouts" of nausea sometimes because I get some weird thoughts like, when I eat with full appetite I just go "I remember when I had nausea/what if I had nausea?" and boom, it comes back. Being nauseous for two months on and off does things to you. I am still very underweight but this will take time, I always had an insanely fast metabolism and putting on weight is near impossible. It's tough because right now, especially with summer, I hate how "sick" I look but I know that ultimately I am healthy and eating again.

 

- I still wake up drenched in anxiety. But strangely enough I wake up every day around 5AM with no anxiety! I just wake up when the birds begin to sing and fall back asleep after around ~20 mins. But when I wake up for good, around 8-9, I feel like I'm in the middle of a panic attack. However I know it eases off during the day, so I just try to not stay in bed for long. The anxiety is strong enough to give me some GI problems during the morning, but again it usually gets easier past noon.

 

- I'm randomly extremely tired during the day, especially after doing a simple chore or eating a full meal. As if I had a very very low energy reserve for the whole day.

 

- I still get some "anxiety flashes" during the day, usually with some sort of thought tied to a memory or focusing on something stressful that is gonna happen (can be as little as a social situation lately... I'm invited to a dinner with my job on july 6th and I'm happy to go but it stresses me out SO much!!! why!!!)

 

- This is the weirdest one and I haven't talked about it yet. Very often, I remember one of the first nights after withdrawal started, which is weird considering it was not a painful symptom (I woke up with full body tremors, no anxiety whatsoever but just tremors). It is so weird, it's literally like my brain considers this particular episode as a trauma, although again, I had way more painful symptoms afterwards (and I was having GI problems and anxiety for a few days already beforehand).

I am familiar with going back and forth to extremely precise memories where something "weird" happened to me, and I can't seem to let go of them, and I have a disproportionate response to them as they stress me although they're gone. This added a new one...

 

- I still have trouble indulging in my hobbies properly. I miss doing yoga, I can't play video games for long, I can hardly concentrate on drawing. I believe this will come back, I have to not let them go completely as to not lose the "habit".

 

- Also: I miss drinking coffee so much. So, so much. But I believe caffeine did not help my case. So, like I am doing rn writing this, I think I will just drink decaffeinated coffee during the day while I recover (or forever!), as it still gives me the coffee taste and ritual that I adore, without caffeine that eventually stresses me.

Aug 2017 - May 2018 -> Escitalopram 10mg. April 5mg, and then stopped. Absolutely no withdrawal symptoms.

Nov 2018 - Jan 2021 -> Escitalopram 10mg. Jan-Feb 2021 - 5mg, daily (1 month).  Feb-March 2021 - 5mg, one day out of two (2-3 weeks). No withdrawal symptoms during taper.

-- Since March 13th, 2021 -> Escitalopram 0 mg.

Withdrawal syndrome appeared 8-10 days after last dose. Still fightin'.

Benzodiazepins occasionally: Prazepam 5mg (last intakes: june 02, june 09)

 

 

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You have every reason to feel sad, and I can empathize.  These lousy drugs have stolen your normal way of life from you for a time.  I do believe that you will recover.  Unfortunately it can take a ve

Yes, I would do that if I were you.  I had a crying spell last night myself.  It's exhausting, but it's also very purgative.  It cleanses the soul - at least for me it does. 

Hello, and welcome to SA.  We are a peer owned and run forum of people who have been or are getting off of psychiatric drugs.  What you describe sounds like classic psychiatric drug withdrawal symptom

Hi Sliderale,  It gives me hope that you are having a slight window. 

 

 I see you mentioned a job.  I thought you were off for the summer? Are you still at your parents.  I don't know how you did it when you were on your own.  

Take care

5/2020  through 11/2020 taper from 20mg  Prozac  down to 3mg.  depression and anxiety insomnia

12/2/2020 Zoloft 12.5mg 12/13  25mg.   12/24  37.5mg  12/28  50mg.  Bad side  stop

1/5/2021 up lamictal from 200mg to 300mg.  1/13  lamictal 400mg.  Brain started ruminating and obsessing 1/17 lamictal 300mg.  1/22 lamictal 200mg

1/22/2021  Seroquel 50mg for sleep  Became paranoid. nausea headaches 1/29  stopped

1/29/2021 Trazadone 50mg      4/25  25mg

2/5/ 2021 Lamictal 150mg.  2/24  100mg   4/9  75mg   4/21 37.5

2/12/2021 Wellbutrin 75mg.  Became hypo manic 2/16  stopped

2/16/2021 Seroquel 50xr   3/3 100mg  3/17  150mg  side effects Stop   

4/3 2021 Lexapro 5mg  4/14  7.5mg   4/30 10mg       5/10  7.5mg   5/16  5mg

 5mg Lexapro   37.5 Lamictal   25mg trazadone   L theanine 100mg   xanax  .25 as needed  Magnesium glycinate 100mg  Omega 3 2000mg   .5 mg melatonin

 

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Hi Greatful! I don't believe in "jixing things" but truth is, today was harder than the two past days. I felt anxious and kind of "emotionally absent" again the whole day, but it's okay, I did have a slight window these past days. It will come back, for me just like for you 😊

 

1 hour ago, Greatful said:

I see you mentioned a job.  I thought you were off for the summer? Are you still at your parents.  I don't know how you did it when you were on your own.  

 

I am mostly done with my academic year at university indeed (though I did not set foot in it for the whole year due to the pandemic! talk about a weird academic year!).

I do have thesis related, research work until september, lots to write and read about, but the classes themselves are done.

 

Thorough the year I had a part-time job as the remote classes on Zoom allowed me to have a more flexible schedule. Said job ends this month, we were a small team and our boss invites us to a restaurant in july. It's very nice, which is why I'm expectant towards myself, I want to feel good!

It was hard to fight withdrawal when I was living on my own indeed. I am 25 but very close to my parents, living with them and not having to worry about cooking is very helpful, as well as helping with the daily chores (it keeps the brain busy!). The first 2 months of withdrawal, I was in my 20 square meters apartment. You can only clean it so often 😆

 

I wish you an easy & peaceful day ♥

Aug 2017 - May 2018 -> Escitalopram 10mg. April 5mg, and then stopped. Absolutely no withdrawal symptoms.

Nov 2018 - Jan 2021 -> Escitalopram 10mg. Jan-Feb 2021 - 5mg, daily (1 month).  Feb-March 2021 - 5mg, one day out of two (2-3 weeks). No withdrawal symptoms during taper.

-- Since March 13th, 2021 -> Escitalopram 0 mg.

Withdrawal syndrome appeared 8-10 days after last dose. Still fightin'.

Benzodiazepins occasionally: Prazepam 5mg (last intakes: june 02, june 09)

 

 

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Hi How are you doing?  I thought about you this morning when I went for a walk,  I had some pretty bad nausea,  almost like I could throw up.  I know I don't get it as bad as you.  I have had nausea and low appetite for the last 6 months.  I can eat, but very seldom does anything sound good.  I think I have lost about 15 to 20# I feel like I have the flu the last few day,  been very tired, anxiety in my stomach, depressed and weak.  I wonder if the nausea is part of that.  I usually don't get achy, more weak muscles in the arms and legs.  It's crazy how these WD symptoms affect us all differently.   I hope I get a window soon. 

 

How do you fill your day when you feel awful?  It is so hard not to get caught in the trap  "what am I going to do all day"?

I wish I could nap away the day.

Take Care 

 

5/2020  through 11/2020 taper from 20mg  Prozac  down to 3mg.  depression and anxiety insomnia

12/2/2020 Zoloft 12.5mg 12/13  25mg.   12/24  37.5mg  12/28  50mg.  Bad side  stop

1/5/2021 up lamictal from 200mg to 300mg.  1/13  lamictal 400mg.  Brain started ruminating and obsessing 1/17 lamictal 300mg.  1/22 lamictal 200mg

1/22/2021  Seroquel 50mg for sleep  Became paranoid. nausea headaches 1/29  stopped

1/29/2021 Trazadone 50mg      4/25  25mg

2/5/ 2021 Lamictal 150mg.  2/24  100mg   4/9  75mg   4/21 37.5

2/12/2021 Wellbutrin 75mg.  Became hypo manic 2/16  stopped

2/16/2021 Seroquel 50xr   3/3 100mg  3/17  150mg  side effects Stop   

4/3 2021 Lexapro 5mg  4/14  7.5mg   4/30 10mg       5/10  7.5mg   5/16  5mg

 5mg Lexapro   37.5 Lamictal   25mg trazadone   L theanine 100mg   xanax  .25 as needed  Magnesium glycinate 100mg  Omega 3 2000mg   .5 mg melatonin

 

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Hello @Greatful, thank you for checking up on me! It is true that withdrawal affects us all in so, so many different ways. Each withdrawal is weirdly unique.

  For nausea, I am so sorry you have to suffer through this on top of all the other symptoms. It may be caused by the upset stomach, I often hear that the stomach is the "second brain".   It's so hard when even something as basic as eating is a fight. I can only advise you any kind of "non-solid" food - purée/mashed potatoes, soup, applesauce as a snack... I have found it helps when you don't have to chew.

I don't get aches either but I also have a lot of muscle tiredness much like you, and intense fatigue. Sometimes, taking a short walk helps, or a shower.

  For bad days... When I wake up feeling bad, I try to outright accept that some days it's ok to just "exist" and not be productive whatsoever, but it's not easy to convince oneself of this! I try to vary tasks depending on my energy level: read a bit, watch a documentary video, clean the dust in my room.

I hope these small pieces of advice can maybe give you some ideas. I hope you get to experience a window soon. Relief is around the corner, we will get there, take care of you ☀️

 

As for me, I had a good (not "meh", good!) day until around 3-4PM where I suddenly started feeling very anxious for no apparent reason. Right now it's midnight and I still feel very anxious, I don't really know why. Some days are just like this.

Also, I have a lump in my throat, I sometimes have it since withdrawal started, it's weird because I never experienced it before - and now when I have it I'm just "oh it's one of those withdrawal days". It's not painful or anything, just weird, it's crazy how withdrawal can make you experience stuff you have literally never felt before. One day it's here, the day after it's gone, it's very random.

 

 

Aug 2017 - May 2018 -> Escitalopram 10mg. April 5mg, and then stopped. Absolutely no withdrawal symptoms.

Nov 2018 - Jan 2021 -> Escitalopram 10mg. Jan-Feb 2021 - 5mg, daily (1 month).  Feb-March 2021 - 5mg, one day out of two (2-3 weeks). No withdrawal symptoms during taper.

-- Since March 13th, 2021 -> Escitalopram 0 mg.

Withdrawal syndrome appeared 8-10 days after last dose. Still fightin'.

Benzodiazepins occasionally: Prazepam 5mg (last intakes: june 02, june 09)

 

 

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