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siderale: escitalopram healed me, and I'm trying to live without it again: overcoming withdrawal symptoms


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Jadenatalie
1 hour ago, siderale said:

Thank you Jadenatalie and Greatful so much for your encouragements. I gotta agree it may sometimes "feel" like a relapse but I think it's still too early on to state so. Greatful, I gave a quick look to the book and it looks interesting.

This really stuck with me the past days. It's very true yet we tend to forget it. I'm especially down this rabbit hole and your words help me focus on the present again. Thank you !!

 

Just a quick update/vent- I had a few very bad days, full-blown anxiety. The anxiety seems to be better since yesterday. However it's been one week my fatigue is super intense - correlates with my period and the heatwave, but this intense fatigue coupled with my lack of activity and my weight still being so low... A vicious circle. I can't manage to put back on weight and my GP is concerned, as I am.

 

I have some breakdowns because I feel so weak although I have my trip in 6 days. I feel like a shadow of myself. I still have my light-induced headache (been there since june 25th) although it's not debilitating it's yet again something "off" with me and it's not going away.  My sinus CT scan came back clear and the scanner operator told me I should run a brain MRI if my headache doesn't go away. So now I'm panicking because I'll be on my trip very soon, and what if I am missing something big? Chances are extremely low, but you guys know how it works with health anxiety... I try to remind myself that no matter what it is, even in the worst case, 3-4 weeks of delay probably wouldn't change much and might as well enjoy my trip.

 

I still have hope that my trip -I will be forced to drive a lot, we planned a road trip- will provide some form of energy boost as it is a huge change of routine, and might be welcome in my case. Because I strongly believe I'm in the case where not going out, not doing anything, is worsening my state but I can't bring myself to do anything with the heat.

 My friend is very understanding and keeps telling me it's okay if we cancel our road trip - I'm the only one having a license - but I still feel so bad. If only I could have travelled last summer. I was so stable and functional. This past week wave makes me, again, afraid of not feeling normal ever again... But I hope tides will change in my favour.

Hi @siderale i had a headache and neckache for 3 weeks, convinced myself it was something more serious, tumors etc but i spoke to the Gp and they confirmed it was a tension headache. it did eventually go away and now eventhough it was only a week ago it seems a distant memory to me! its crazy how health anxiety works! I'm now obsessing over my muscle issues instead! In withdrawal, it always seems to be something! I'm sure it wont be anything to worry about and it will all be a distant memory!

 

I'm sure your trip will be amazing! Its amazing that your friend is so understanding and that should relieve some of the pressure you feel about the trip itself, :) Dont push yourself too hard, its still early days, just take it steady on the trip. I hope you have a super time :) 

 

i know exactly how you feel regarding not feeling yourself ever again or feeling normal ever again etc because i still feel like that alot recently, especially today. But i just keep thinking, just keep going, just make it through everyday and i keep reading the success stories on here and holding out hope that one day (soon i hope) i will feel normal again. 

 

Keep going x

2016- August 2020 Fluoxetine 20mg 

 

August 2020 - December 2020 Sertraline 50mg

 

December 2020 - March 10th 2021 Citalopram 20mg - STOPPED cold turkey. 

 

Fully med free since 10th March 2021. 

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Greatful

@siderale  My heart goes out to you.  I have been struggling the last week or so also. 

 

Please vent as much as you need.  You need to get it out and know you are human. And sometimes feeling like you are being heard can make room for work on the positive side.

 

It is great that your friend is very supportive.  You don't have to make a decision on your road trip yet.  I would bet you are adding pressure on yourself that the road trip might be to hard and that you will be letting people down?   Please don't do that to yourself.  You are taking a big step just going on this trip and you should concentrate on that accomplishment😊.   You are only  human, in a W/D altered chemical state (you are not being weak)  and I am sure your friend is happy just to see you and spend time with you♥️ I am so proud of you🤗

 

I am sure you are trying everything to gain weight, but I will recommend a few things.  

Smoothies.     I buy frozen fresh fruit, Kale, Spinach, a banana, almond milk, and I use either plant based protein powder or greek yogurt.  I try to buy organic but not always able to.

Try to eat things high in protein.  I know some people like to stay away from processed foods, but I am not the best at that.  Can you eat eggs?  Try to stay away from empty carbs.

 

You are stronger then you know. 

Do you meditate? @Mia1 sent this to me and I think it is good.

 

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/24894-greatful-is-this-withdrawal-or-to-many-med-changes-at-once/

1995? Prozac,  tried several Paxil, Serzone, St John's Wart back to Prozac and Trazodone ct:d Traz

 Lexapro. Tried to stop Crash in 2015  Kindled   Hospitalized, Vybrid, Seroquel, Effexor, Abilify  Pristiq, Wellbutrin 2016  ended back on 2016  Prozac and Lamictal 200mg

5/2020  through 12/2020 taper from 20mg  Prozac  down to 3mg.  Crashed  12/13/2020 Zoloft 50mg 1/29ct  1/29/2021 Seroquel 50mg ct  Trazadone 50mg 4/25  25mg 2/5/ 2021 Lamictal 150mg.  2/24  100mg   4/9  75mg   4/21 37.5  2/12/2021 Wellbutrin 75mg.  Became hypo manic 2/16 ct

2/16/2021 Seroquel 50xr  3/3 100mg  3/17  150mg  side effects ct   4/3 2021 Lexapro 5mg  4/14  7.5mg  4/30 10mg  5/10  7.5mg   5/16  5mg

 5mg Lexapro   37.5 Lamictal   25mg trazadone,   xanax  .0625mg  3x a day   Magnesium glycinate 200mg. Omega 3 , Melatonin L Theanine 

Lexapro 2021/01/09 4.90mg  05/09  4.75mg

 

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siderale

Thank you both so much for your words, I barely know how to thank you properly for always sticking by and offering reassurance and advice. SA as a whole is really helpful in order not to feel alone in this.

 

1 hour ago, Jadenatalie said:

it did eventually go away and now eventhough it was only a week ago it seems a distant memory to me! its crazy how health anxiety works! I'm now obsessing over my muscle issues instead! In withdrawal, it always seems to be something! I'm sure it wont be anything to worry about and it will all be a distant memory!

I believe you!! I'm unsure if this weird headache is withdrawal but at this point I should know that the array of physical symptoms one can experience from WD is just so huge!! It's reassuring to me to read this, and I'm glad to head your headaches and neckaches eventually resolved! We will get there. Thanks again♥ Sending strength and healing your way. May your muscle issues become a distant memory soon! 🍀

 

54 minutes ago, Greatful said:

You are taking a big step just going on this trip and you should concentrate on that accomplishment😊.   You are only  human, in a W/D altered chemical state (you are not being weak)  and I am sure your friend is happy just to see you and spend time with you♥️ I am so proud of you🤗

You always have the right words at the right moment, Greatful! Thank you so much. I really hope you will get a window soon if you've also been struggling. You're so helpful to many of us ♥

I do meditate sometimes, never tried this specific meditation as I don't consider myself as suffering from chronic pain, but I may try it out.

As for my diet, I eat varied foods, and I do eat a lot of eggs too get protein! Every time I'm in a wave I am hit by nausea and eating becomes a whole "war" again. Even when my appetite was back full force I got full very quickly. It's tough! But it's less hard than a few months ago thankfully.

 

Aug 2017 - May 2018 -> Escitalopram 10 mg. June 5 mg and then stopped. Absolutely no withdrawal symptoms.

Nov 2018 - Jan 2021 -> Escitalopram 10 mg. Jan-Feb 2021 - 5 mg, daily (1 month).  Feb-March 2021 - 5 mg, one day out of two (2-3 weeks). No withdrawal symptoms during taper.

--- Since March 13th, 2021 -> Escitalopram 0 mg.

Withdrawal appeared 8-10 days after last dose: introduction topic

Benzos occasionally: Prazepam 5mg (last intake: aug 05).

Profile image: Edward Robert Hughes' "Night"

 

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getofflex
Posted (edited)
On 7/20/2021 at 3:18 AM, siderale said:

I'm just worried because this past week my OCD - related to many things, family and health - made a slight comeback. As in, it's not actively ruining my days or nights, but I think about it multiple times per day and it causes me more anguish than it did during the beginning of WD. I can still manage, but I am afraid because it now "feels" more like a relapse rather than withdrawal itself.

I can certainly understand how OCD type thoughts can create stress and anxiety, as I've dealt with this in WD too.  Here is a technique I'm working on myself right now.  Perhaps you will find it helpful. 

 

APPLE Technique

 

A - Acknowledge Notice and acknowledge the thought or uncertainty as it comes to mind. 

 

P - Pause Don't react as you normally do.  Don't react at all.  Just pause and breathe.   

 

P - Pull Back Tell yourself this is just the thought or worry talking, and this apparent need for worry or analysis or certainty is not helpful and not necessary.  It is only a thought or feeling.  Don't believe everything you think.  Thoughts are not statements or facts.   

 

L - Let Go Let go of the thought or feeling.  It will pass.  You don't have to respond to it.  You might imagine the thought floating away in a bubble or cloud.   

 

E - Explore Explore the present moment, because right now, in this moment, you are OK.  Notice your breathing and the sensations of your breathing.  Notice the ground beneath you.  Look around and notice what you see, what you hear, what you can touch, what you can smell.  Right now.  Then shift your focus of attention to something else - on what you need to do, on what you were doing before you noticed the thought or worry, or do something else - mindfully - with your full attention.  

 

I'm glad that you find the forum helpful. This is a great community, with lots of supportive members.  Keep up the good work!  

Edited by getofflex

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 '02 - 10 mg;  Apr 2 '20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06 

Ibuprofen 800 mg, or Tylenol 1000 mg as needed

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

Trazodone nightly, stopped in late 2019

Xanax on occasion, stopped in late 2019

magnesium in small amounts at breakfast, 3 PM 

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, calcium

suppl PM: magnesium 350 mg, GABA 750 mg, Estroven, melatonin 2.5 mg

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siderale

Getofflex, thank you so much for sharing this little coping technique. I made use of it  and it helped me deal with the OCD thoughts that subsided.

Now the OCD thoughts have been replaced by health anxiety again. However, this can still apply and so I try to do so.

 

Today's update. This wave is very tough both physically and mentally, it's been one week and a half now.

 

I just got off my video-call with my psychiatrist. He "reassured" me as in, he told me it was indeed not unusual to have such patterns of waves and windows, and that it could last months still (did not mention "years" but I know it can also happen). Crazy how you never hear of WD before it happens, though at least my psychiatrist fully acknowledges it and its strong effects and duration.

 

I was crying the whole video-call. I explained how I feel exhausted, my muscles feel so weak, I am dizzy, my appetite is gone for 2 weeks, my weight is horribly low and I have crying bouts.

My light-induced headache has been there for 1 month and 1 day without any pause. It's not debilitating, the pain is mild but it's there all the time regardless if I feel good or bad, but I will only be able to run an MRI scan by the end of august, since I leave for my trip in 3 days. I feel so damn weak and I don't want to feel like this through my trip, but I can't do much.

 

Due to my current symptoms (headache and extreme fatigue), my psychiatrist advised me to take amitryptilin again (four or five drops before sleeping, I believe equivalent to 4-5mg). I had taken it for 2 weeks, one month after WD started, and I believe it helped a tiny bit (I stopped due to health concerns as my eyes were a bit yellow but they stayed yellow despite me stopping it lol, it is probably due to my weight loss, my blood check are normal).

Anyways, I had no adverse effect from it. I might try it again. It is a very low dose that I could manage well with last time (and I realise I did not add it to my signature). I will update as things progress. I know it is risky to take another molecule but for now I am confident that I can at least try.

 

I will of course report back here even during my trip. Thank you all for reading and for being encouraging, I wish you alla wonderful day or night and lots of healing ♥

Aug 2017 - May 2018 -> Escitalopram 10 mg. June 5 mg and then stopped. Absolutely no withdrawal symptoms.

Nov 2018 - Jan 2021 -> Escitalopram 10 mg. Jan-Feb 2021 - 5 mg, daily (1 month).  Feb-March 2021 - 5 mg, one day out of two (2-3 weeks). No withdrawal symptoms during taper.

--- Since March 13th, 2021 -> Escitalopram 0 mg.

Withdrawal appeared 8-10 days after last dose: introduction topic

Benzos occasionally: Prazepam 5mg (last intake: aug 05).

Profile image: Edward Robert Hughes' "Night"

 

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Jadenatalie
22 minutes ago, siderale said:

Getofflex, thank you so much for sharing this little coping technique. I made use of it  and it helped me deal with the OCD thoughts that subsided.

Now the OCD thoughts have been replaced by health anxiety again. However, this can still apply and so I try to do so.

 

Today's update. This wave is very tough both physically and mentally, it's been one week and a half now.

 

I just got off my video-call with my psychiatrist. He "reassured" me as in, he told me it was indeed not unusual to have such patterns of waves and windows, and that it could last months still (did not mention "years" but I know it can also happen). Crazy how you never hear of WD before it happens, though at least my psychiatrist fully acknowledges it and its strong effects and duration.

 

I was crying the whole video-call. I explained how I feel exhausted, my muscles feel so weak, I am dizzy, my appetite is gone for 2 weeks, my weight is horribly low and I have crying bouts.

My light-induced headache has been there for 1 month and 1 day without any pause. It's not debilitating, the pain is mild but it's there all the time regardless if I feel good or bad, but I will only be able to run an MRI scan by the end of august, since I leave for my trip in 3 days. I feel so damn weak and I don't want to feel like this through my trip, but I can't do much.

 

Due to my current symptoms (headache and extreme fatigue), my psychiatrist advised me to take amitryptilin again (four or five drops before sleeping, I believe equivalent to 4-5mg). I had taken it for 2 weeks, one month after WD started, and I believe it helped a tiny bit (I stopped due to health concerns as my eyes were a bit yellow but they stayed yellow despite me stopping it lol, it is probably due to my weight loss, my blood check are normal).

Anyways, I had no adverse effect from it. I might try it again. It is a very low dose that I could manage well with last time (and I realise I did not add it to my signature). I will update as things progress. I know it is risky to take another molecule but for now I am confident that I can at least try.

 

I will of course report back here even during my trip. Thank you all for reading and for being encouraging, I wish you alla wonderful day or night and lots of healing ♥

Hey siderale, it's great that your psychiatrist understands withdrawal because many don't as you know. 😊 Keep going you can do it. I would be very careful with the amitriptyline as I'm sure you know its an antidepressant, a TCA antidepressant. I'm not sure what effect it will have on your antidepressant withdrawal taking another antidepressant. 

 

I don't know if you've seen but cocopuffz success story states he had headaches for a full year before feeling relief and it wasn't anything more serious it was withdrawal. I'm also still getting headaches but mine are definitely tension and withdrawal as I can feel it in my neck and jaw too. 

 

I'm also very weak at the moment, my leg muscles feel terrible! Try not to worry too much about your trip, you'll be fine and your friend is understanding which is great ❤️

 

X

2016- August 2020 Fluoxetine 20mg 

 

August 2020 - December 2020 Sertraline 50mg

 

December 2020 - March 10th 2021 Citalopram 20mg - STOPPED cold turkey. 

 

Fully med free since 10th March 2021. 

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siderale
28 minutes ago, Jadenatalie said:

Hey siderale, it's great that your psychiatrist understands withdrawal because many don't as you know. 😊 Keep going you can do it. I would be very careful with the amitriptyline as I'm sure you know its an antidepressant, a TCA antidepressant. I'm not sure what effect it will have on your antidepressant withdrawal taking another antidepressant. 

Hi Jadenatalie, and as usual thank you for your sweet words♥

 

Yes, I am very lucky to have a psychiatrist that actually acknowledges WD from the start,and since march has always encouraged me to keep pushing and was against reinstating. He didn't even mention it today, despite me being in arguably the worst state he's seen me in yet.

 

According to him the amitriptylin could work as a small "crutch" to help a bit with some symptoms. He assured me it would not be miraculous and won't make me feel "magically better", just maybe help with the headaches and fatigue - apparently it is a treatment for fibromyalgia and migraines as well, and is more efficient in those kinds of aches and fatigues than in treating any form of depression/anxiety etc.

I am however 100% aware that this is indeed another antidepressant and the risks that come with it. I am not against it as I had tried it in the more acute part of WD and it did not have any bad effect on me. I am not sure yet what I will do, but be sure that I will update and be transparent about anything I do.

 

Jadenatalie, hope your leg weakness issue resolves soon!! It is so hard to deal with brand new symptoms every once in a while. I do get aches and tension headaches as well, but my current headache is very different (even when not tense at all, it's just triggers anytime I look at something bright, else I don't have any ache)... Remember to unclench your jaw when you read this message 😊 all jokes aside I know how hard this is. Best of luck, hope relief comes your way soon. We'll get there!

 

Aug 2017 - May 2018 -> Escitalopram 10 mg. June 5 mg and then stopped. Absolutely no withdrawal symptoms.

Nov 2018 - Jan 2021 -> Escitalopram 10 mg. Jan-Feb 2021 - 5 mg, daily (1 month).  Feb-March 2021 - 5 mg, one day out of two (2-3 weeks). No withdrawal symptoms during taper.

--- Since March 13th, 2021 -> Escitalopram 0 mg.

Withdrawal appeared 8-10 days after last dose: introduction topic

Benzos occasionally: Prazepam 5mg (last intake: aug 05).

Profile image: Edward Robert Hughes' "Night"

 

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siderale

As a TL;DR of my symptoms: What worries me the most these past days is the very intense fatigue (despite sleeping correctly), dizziness/feeling unsteady and light headed and that weird, light-induced-only headache that has been here for 1 month.

 

I really hope the nausea and intense fatigue/dizziness wear off because the latter is new for me in WD, and anything new worries me so much... Ah, to keep health anxiety at bay!!

 

I put away my scale as seeing my weight continue to lower was sending me into crying spells. I try to convince myself that despite not eating as much as I should, I still eat the minimum to remain healthy (3 meals per day, even if in small quantities, with varied foods), and that even if I am VERY underweight I am still otherwise in good health, and that my energy will come back even if it takes me years to put back on weight. I try to keep my head up.

Aug 2017 - May 2018 -> Escitalopram 10 mg. June 5 mg and then stopped. Absolutely no withdrawal symptoms.

Nov 2018 - Jan 2021 -> Escitalopram 10 mg. Jan-Feb 2021 - 5 mg, daily (1 month).  Feb-March 2021 - 5 mg, one day out of two (2-3 weeks). No withdrawal symptoms during taper.

--- Since March 13th, 2021 -> Escitalopram 0 mg.

Withdrawal appeared 8-10 days after last dose: introduction topic

Benzos occasionally: Prazepam 5mg (last intake: aug 05).

Profile image: Edward Robert Hughes' "Night"

 

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  • Mentor
Greatful

@siderale  I am so sorry that you are having such a rough time.  Maybe some of it is the underlining tension around the trip.  When you get there things will settle down.❤️

How long is your flight?

 

 I would advise you to check in with one of the mods on taking Amitriptyline.  I don't want you to end up with a reaction on your trip.  It may still have a high sert at a low dose.  

 

I also would contribute your headaches from W/D.   Wear sunglasses all the time and see if that helps. There is so much going on in your brain right now.  I still go through phases were noise is very loud.  Did you ever read the story about a women who went through benzo w/d.  What all the changes that are going on in recovery I think you should read it.  Altrostrata refers it to all meds that change things in your brain.

 

Also I think you should try that meditation.  Don't let the title confuse you.  Pain comes in all forms, depression, anxiety etc.. I use changed my focus when I use it.  Sometimes I focus on my depression or anxiety, sometimes I have used it on my negative thinking, low self-esteem.

If you try it you will understand what I am saying.  They do recommend headphone, not necessary I think it is for cancelling out noise. 

 

Please keep us posted on how you are doing on your trip.🤗

Here is the story. Click on the title 

 

 

 

 

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/24894-greatful-is-this-withdrawal-or-to-many-med-changes-at-once/

1995? Prozac,  tried several Paxil, Serzone, St John's Wart back to Prozac and Trazodone ct:d Traz

 Lexapro. Tried to stop Crash in 2015  Kindled   Hospitalized, Vybrid, Seroquel, Effexor, Abilify  Pristiq, Wellbutrin 2016  ended back on 2016  Prozac and Lamictal 200mg

5/2020  through 12/2020 taper from 20mg  Prozac  down to 3mg.  Crashed  12/13/2020 Zoloft 50mg 1/29ct  1/29/2021 Seroquel 50mg ct  Trazadone 50mg 4/25  25mg 2/5/ 2021 Lamictal 150mg.  2/24  100mg   4/9  75mg   4/21 37.5  2/12/2021 Wellbutrin 75mg.  Became hypo manic 2/16 ct

2/16/2021 Seroquel 50xr  3/3 100mg  3/17  150mg  side effects ct   4/3 2021 Lexapro 5mg  4/14  7.5mg  4/30 10mg  5/10  7.5mg   5/16  5mg

 5mg Lexapro   37.5 Lamictal   25mg trazadone,   xanax  .0625mg  3x a day   Magnesium glycinate 200mg. Omega 3 , Melatonin L Theanine 

Lexapro 2021/01/09 4.90mg  05/09  4.75mg

 

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Jadenatalie
15 hours ago, siderale said:

Hi Jadenatalie, and as usual thank you for your sweet words♥

 

Yes, I am very lucky to have a psychiatrist that actually acknowledges WD from the start,and since march has always encouraged me to keep pushing and was against reinstating. He didn't even mention it today, despite me being in arguably the worst state he's seen me in yet.

 

According to him the amitriptylin could work as a small "crutch" to help a bit with some symptoms. He assured me it would not be miraculous and won't make me feel "magically better", just maybe help with the headaches and fatigue - apparently it is a treatment for fibromyalgia and migraines as well, and is more efficient in those kinds of aches and fatigues than in treating any form of depression/anxiety etc.

I am however 100% aware that this is indeed another antidepressant and the risks that come with it. I am not against it as I had tried it in the more acute part of WD and it did not have any bad effect on me. I am not sure yet what I will do, but be sure that I will update and be transparent about anything I do.

 

Jadenatalie, hope your leg weakness issue resolves soon!! It is so hard to deal with brand new symptoms every once in a while. I do get aches and tension headaches as well, but my current headache is very different (even when not tense at all, it's just triggers anytime I look at something bright, else I don't have any ache)... Remember to unclench your jaw when you read this message 😊 all jokes aside I know how hard this is. Best of luck, hope relief comes your way soon. We'll get there!

 

Hey :) Thats really amazing to have someone like that! Yes they do prescribe amitriptyline in the UK for numerous pain related conditions, i dont think people are aware that they are being prescribed an anti-depressant though sometimes and that they would potentially have withdrawal if they ever came off. my GP tried giving it to me 3 weeks ago for my headaches and i said no, but then again my GP tries giving me a different anti-depressant everytime i ring with something physical! For my headaches i told my GP id rather have a slightly stronger anti-inflammatory tablet to help with the pain rather than another anti-depressant. She ended up giving me a low dose of naproxen and i havent taken any yet as my headaches have settled for the moment. 

 

Yes my muscle and joint ache seems to have made a re-appearance aswell but this is a symptom that seems to keep coming and going for me since i stopped the meds. 

 

Ha ha, thank you. I hope we all get relief soon!!! But being realistic with myself i have given myself 12 months before i think i'll start seeing major improvements, seems to be the general trend on here and the facebook group im part of. But we'll see! xx

2016- August 2020 Fluoxetine 20mg 

 

August 2020 - December 2020 Sertraline 50mg

 

December 2020 - March 10th 2021 Citalopram 20mg - STOPPED cold turkey. 

 

Fully med free since 10th March 2021. 

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getofflex
On 7/26/2021 at 11:11 AM, siderale said:

I just got off my video-call with my psychiatrist. He "reassured" me as in, he told me it was indeed not unusual to have such patterns of waves and windows, and that it could last months still (did not mention "years" but I know it can also happen).

It sounds like you have a psychiatrist who knows about WD, which is awesome!  These are far and few between.  

 

On 7/26/2021 at 11:11 AM, siderale said:

my psychiatrist advised me to take amitryptilin again (four or five drops before sleeping, I believe equivalent to 4-5mg)

 

On 7/26/2021 at 11:11 AM, siderale said:

Anyways, I had no adverse effect from it. I might try it again. It is a very low dose that I could manage well with last time (and I realise I did not add it to my signature).

I'm glad you are only taking a very small amount and that it is helping.  Be aware that if you are taking this daily, we suggest that in the future you wean off gradually, and not just stop it.  If it were me, I would only use it when and if absolutely necessary.   

 

It's good that you put away the scale and not worrying about your weight.  That could be part of your reason for being tired, but I believe in time, this will gradually work itself out. 

 

I'm praying for you to feel better and more energetic when you go on your trip.  

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 '02 - 10 mg;  Apr 2 '20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06 

Ibuprofen 800 mg, or Tylenol 1000 mg as needed

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

Trazodone nightly, stopped in late 2019

Xanax on occasion, stopped in late 2019

magnesium in small amounts at breakfast, 3 PM 

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, calcium

suppl PM: magnesium 350 mg, GABA 750 mg, Estroven, melatonin 2.5 mg

Link to post
siderale

Thank you, @getofflex, @Jadenatalie, @Greatful 

My psychiatrist isn't of the "reassuring" kind (he's very stern in his statements, if I make sense) but so far he hasn't sugar-coated anything and I appreciate this. SA provides me with the "emotional support" part! I can never thank you all enough, for posting, for updating, for advising people on here.

 

I am extremely careful about the amitryptilin . My psychiatrist told me that we would be able to taper it off extremely gradually due to it being a liquid form - and I definitely do not want to deal with double WD. For now I try it, as it doesn't seem like I have any bad reaction to it, I shall see in the coming days/week if it's worth it. I will not increase the dose.

 

Today was arguably one of the worst days in a while, maybe even of all my withdrawal. This wave is really awful, the past 2 weeks have been hard, but the past 3 days have been downright hell. Cried my heart out multiple times - many stressful factors in my life currently. Got scared of never feeling normal again. I have to worry less about my weight: I am in mostly good health, eating a minimum. I can do this, and will get back in shape as I heal.

 

I must add that tonight I quite suddently experienced relief- completely randomly and suddenly. It's so weird because today I also experienced anhedonia again, I was unable to smile and I was so so scared. And then suddenly, I felt just alright. Can't say if it's a window, but it's relief, it truly felt like the sun was shining through heavy clouds and oh man, do you quickly forget how good that feels. As I write this, I'm feeling okay, and going to bed. In a bit more than 24 hours, I'm in another country, on a trip I am dreading as much as I am awaiting ( @Greatful I have in total 4h30 of flights, with a 2 hour break in another airport! Thankfully it's not too long and I will be able to take a walk in between). I will have a VERY short night before leaving as I must wake up at 3AM. The joys of travelling!

 

Aug 2017 - May 2018 -> Escitalopram 10 mg. June 5 mg and then stopped. Absolutely no withdrawal symptoms.

Nov 2018 - Jan 2021 -> Escitalopram 10 mg. Jan-Feb 2021 - 5 mg, daily (1 month).  Feb-March 2021 - 5 mg, one day out of two (2-3 weeks). No withdrawal symptoms during taper.

--- Since March 13th, 2021 -> Escitalopram 0 mg.

Withdrawal appeared 8-10 days after last dose: introduction topic

Benzos occasionally: Prazepam 5mg (last intake: aug 05).

Profile image: Edward Robert Hughes' "Night"

 

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  • Moderator
getofflex

Sounds like another turn of the Rubik's cube.  I'm glad that you felt better.  How are you feeling today?  

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 '02 - 10 mg;  Apr 2 '20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06 

Ibuprofen 800 mg, or Tylenol 1000 mg as needed

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

Trazodone nightly, stopped in late 2019

Xanax on occasion, stopped in late 2019

magnesium in small amounts at breakfast, 3 PM 

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, calcium

suppl PM: magnesium 350 mg, GABA 750 mg, Estroven, melatonin 2.5 mg

Link to post
siderale

Hello there!

Reporting back from another EU country. Travelled yesterday, all went mostly well through the trip. I still feel so bad, it's terrible. Nausea is there 24/7, I wake up drenched in anxiety. Cannot update my signature rn but I have been taking prazepam 5mg (tiny dose, but still) one day out of two.

 

My photophobia/light induced headache is getting worse. Like the mild headache is now moderate, quite more painful. My GP planned a brain MRI scan end of August but I am so scared. I have also full-body exhaustion, it's insanely strong, I feel like I'm on auto-pilot. I hope to see some relief soon, because I'm so scared it's something wrong with me (especially that photophobia lasting one month and one week and that did not get better even when I was doing ok!!). It's really tough, I feel so out of it, so unlike myself, yet I am discovering another country and being with a friend. I can barely eat, and feel like crying all the time... I want to feel better to enjoy this trip with my friend. 3 weeks feeling like this would be unbearable. I'm praying if it's a wave, it goes away soon. I'm so scared of having a brain problem.

Aug 2017 - May 2018 -> Escitalopram 10 mg. June 5 mg and then stopped. Absolutely no withdrawal symptoms.

Nov 2018 - Jan 2021 -> Escitalopram 10 mg. Jan-Feb 2021 - 5 mg, daily (1 month).  Feb-March 2021 - 5 mg, one day out of two (2-3 weeks). No withdrawal symptoms during taper.

--- Since March 13th, 2021 -> Escitalopram 0 mg.

Withdrawal appeared 8-10 days after last dose: introduction topic

Benzos occasionally: Prazepam 5mg (last intake: aug 05).

Profile image: Edward Robert Hughes' "Night"

 

Link to post
  • Moderator
Posted (edited)

Hello dear @siderale

 

I'm sorry to read you're struggling and send you all my love and support.

 

I do understand why you are so scared about something going wrong with you, and you're right to rule out another medical condition with a scan.

 

But, while reading your update, I don't feel worried about you having a "brain problem". 

All you describe sounds like WD, your symptoms sound common.

Scary, uncomfortable, painful but not uncommon.

 

WD syndrome can mimic many medical condition. The symptoms are the signs of a destabilised CNS.

The good news with WD symptoms is that they do fade, with time, they do evolve and get better. Our nervous system can repair his functions slowly and gradually.

 

It's not uncommon either that some particular symptoms might stay strong while others fade, or that they do get better for a while only to come back stronger later.

It doesn't necessary means that something is wrong with you, but rather that each body has his unique way to heal.

 

Taking a trip can be quite destabilising as it changes our usual routine. I'm not saying it is a bad idea hein, on the contrary perhaps it will help you to distract, just that your body might feel more tired than usual.

 

Whatever happen, remember this is only temporary : you're young, there will be plenty of other trips to savor when WD will only be a distant memory,  because it will ❤

 

 

Ps : do you wear sunglasses ?

It won't eliminate sensitivity, but it might help : I'm in the indoors sunglasses team 😉

Edited by Erell

2006 : 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam

2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam

2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, taper to 0.

2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22 Aug 2019 updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :

* 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

* Prozac : 6.8 mg (15 Sept 2021)/ 6.88mg (14 Aug 2021)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 2021)

Link to post
  • Moderator
getofflex

Yes, like Erell said, I doubt there is anything wrong with you other than WD.  And taking a trip inherently has some stress with it, so that is probably not helping.  But, I'm glad you can take this trip with your friend.  Hopefully he/she is understanding and supportive of your WD symptoms.  I'm praying for you, and thinking of you.  Take care.  

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 '02 - 10 mg;  Apr 2 '20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06 

Ibuprofen 800 mg, or Tylenol 1000 mg as needed

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

Trazodone nightly, stopped in late 2019

Xanax on occasion, stopped in late 2019

magnesium in small amounts at breakfast, 3 PM 

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, calcium

suppl PM: magnesium 350 mg, GABA 750 mg, Estroven, melatonin 2.5 mg

Link to post
  • Mentor
Greatful

@siderale  I am glad you made the trip safely.  My heart really hurts for you. Please remember to be kind to yourself.  No negative self talk!

 

I really am hoping that this set back is mostly do to the stress of traveling, and the build up to the trip.  Are mind is very powerful, it you had underlining worries and stress regarding this trip it will show up in your body.  Remember you do not have to go on that road trip!  Try not put any expectations on yourself.  You whole goal with this trip is to spend time with your friend and if that mean doing very little but just being together then you have met your goal♥️

 

As hard as it is to do, please try to remind yourself this is all W/D.  Read and re-read @Erell comments on how these symptoms are very common.  I have copied and printed out  bits of helpful advice that I wanted to have ready available to re-read.  

Remember it is your thoughts that are scaring you.  They are just thoughts and they lie to you.  They feel very real, but feelings do mean that it is a fact.  The real challenge is acknowledging the thought, do not engage in the thought, (do not fight the thought) just let it be there  and distract yourself.  If you get caught up in the thought then you get caught in a spiral.  Very hard to do,  but keep doing it.  This is were meditation helps.  

 

I am still in awe that you found the strength to push through and go.  You are one strong woman.❤️

 

Take one day at a time.  Find a mantra for everyday.  Tell your friend the mantra and she can remind you  of it when you are having a hard time.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/24894-greatful-is-this-withdrawal-or-to-many-med-changes-at-once/

1995? Prozac,  tried several Paxil, Serzone, St John's Wart back to Prozac and Trazodone ct:d Traz

 Lexapro. Tried to stop Crash in 2015  Kindled   Hospitalized, Vybrid, Seroquel, Effexor, Abilify  Pristiq, Wellbutrin 2016  ended back on 2016  Prozac and Lamictal 200mg

5/2020  through 12/2020 taper from 20mg  Prozac  down to 3mg.  Crashed  12/13/2020 Zoloft 50mg 1/29ct  1/29/2021 Seroquel 50mg ct  Trazadone 50mg 4/25  25mg 2/5/ 2021 Lamictal 150mg.  2/24  100mg   4/9  75mg   4/21 37.5  2/12/2021 Wellbutrin 75mg.  Became hypo manic 2/16 ct

2/16/2021 Seroquel 50xr  3/3 100mg  3/17  150mg  side effects ct   4/3 2021 Lexapro 5mg  4/14  7.5mg  4/30 10mg  5/10  7.5mg   5/16  5mg

 5mg Lexapro   37.5 Lamictal   25mg trazadone,   xanax  .0625mg  3x a day   Magnesium glycinate 200mg. Omega 3 , Melatonin L Theanine 

Lexapro 2021/01/09 4.90mg  05/09  4.75mg

 

Link to post
siderale

Dropping by quickly to thank you for your reassuring and encouraging words. It means so much, really, and I hope you all are doing great - I will be less present to check up on everyone since I am on a trip so, don't hesitate to update me about yourselves in here 🧡

 

I must mention as well that I dropped the amitryptilin after 2 days. Did not have an adverse reaction to it, I just can't stand the dry mouth feeling... And it might sound weird, but if I am to take another antidepressant I "only" want to reinstate Escitalopram if I have to, not replace it with something new as escitalopram worked with me. This wave is unending, arguably the worse I've had yet, and I hope to see some relief soon. It's so hard, I hang on the idea better days are ahead.

 

@getofflex & @Erell, thank you for being the voice of reason again. it is true that I don't doubt WD can produce such "physical" and uncommon symptoms. What scares me is that this weird photophobia getting worse makes no sense, and the fact that it absolutely did not vary although all of my other symptoms come and go...  Recipe for overthinking, am I right! I don't need sunglasses inside, but I wear them all the time outside. However, the pain is triggered when my eyes stray from a dark surface to a bright one, even with sunglasses on, any surface lighter than the other will make my forehead hurt so bad! Can't do much about it. I can only wait & see.

It's true that many wonderful and new things await me (and everyone else on SA) as there is life while healing, and also life after healing. Again, thanks for your words, I hope you're alright and taking care of you dear Erell and getofflex.

 

@Greatful Thank you, you sweet soul! I hope you are doing alright.

I take every day slowly and when my thoughts stray away I try to set myself back in the moment. It is as if I was having DP/DR these past days, just feeling out of myself. But I am of course proud and happy to have pushed through and to be here today. Many things await.

Aug 2017 - May 2018 -> Escitalopram 10 mg. June 5 mg and then stopped. Absolutely no withdrawal symptoms.

Nov 2018 - Jan 2021 -> Escitalopram 10 mg. Jan-Feb 2021 - 5 mg, daily (1 month).  Feb-March 2021 - 5 mg, one day out of two (2-3 weeks). No withdrawal symptoms during taper.

--- Since March 13th, 2021 -> Escitalopram 0 mg.

Withdrawal appeared 8-10 days after last dose: introduction topic

Benzos occasionally: Prazepam 5mg (last intake: aug 05).

Profile image: Edward Robert Hughes' "Night"

 

Link to post
siderale

Just a short update from my trip. Everything is "objectively" going well, I am functional and my energy levels are okay, proving that the HUGE whole body exhaustion was mental/due to mental issues. I am getting along well with my friend and driving goes very well. I am able to eat most of the time and communication, despite English not being any of our first language, is also good.

 

I keep however having sort of panic attacks, one or multiple per day, where I go almost mute for a while, or get intense nausea. And I do enjoy my time here but I feel so damn off. It's so exhausting, I feel like I'm never getting my old self back because it's been "too long" and I just have a distant memory of how it feels. I'm missing the one I was on medication (since for me antidepressants worked wonderfully and helped me a lot).

 

The worst is that- I feel like I managed way better the first months of withdrawal although the symptoms were debilitating; while now I just feel functional but absent and mentally exhausted. I of course continue to push through, it is for now my only option. But I'm not gonna lie. The future is daunting and paradoxically, the more time passes, the more I want to reinstate in September. But tomorrow is tomorrow's worry.

Aug 2017 - May 2018 -> Escitalopram 10 mg. June 5 mg and then stopped. Absolutely no withdrawal symptoms.

Nov 2018 - Jan 2021 -> Escitalopram 10 mg. Jan-Feb 2021 - 5 mg, daily (1 month).  Feb-March 2021 - 5 mg, one day out of two (2-3 weeks). No withdrawal symptoms during taper.

--- Since March 13th, 2021 -> Escitalopram 0 mg.

Withdrawal appeared 8-10 days after last dose: introduction topic

Benzos occasionally: Prazepam 5mg (last intake: aug 05).

Profile image: Edward Robert Hughes' "Night"

 

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  • Moderator
getofflex

Hi @siderale. I'm happy to hear that overall the trip is going well.  

 

It sounds like you are feeling battle weary and discouraged. It's completely understandable.  This process is quite daunting, and requires a great deal of time, and patience.  For me, reading the success stories are encouraging.  This recovery takes much longer than any of us expected.  I do believe that eventually, you will get your true self back.  It's only been 5 months since you completed your taper, and oftentimes it can take many months to even years, I won't lie to you.  See How Long Will Withdrawal Take?    and   So When Will We Get There

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 '02 - 10 mg;  Apr 2 '20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06 

Ibuprofen 800 mg, or Tylenol 1000 mg as needed

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

Trazodone nightly, stopped in late 2019

Xanax on occasion, stopped in late 2019

magnesium in small amounts at breakfast, 3 PM 

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, calcium

suppl PM: magnesium 350 mg, GABA 750 mg, Estroven, melatonin 2.5 mg

Link to post
siderale

Thank you, @getofflex , for always having resources under your hand. I read all of those (very informative) topics again, and the encouraging success stories are my go-to place when I'm feeling too bad

I am much aware that this all is an extremely long process; I am just wondering whether it would be "better" to reinstate (even though I am definitely aware of the high risks and little rewards) and taper off much slower as I always reacted well to escitalopram, including taking it again after a 6 months break, although it was due to a relapse and not WD (I'm absolutely sure of it)

 

But again - I know it's high risk, might not work, might be a terrible idea. In any case, no decision can be taken regarding this for the next month as my next psych appointment is in early September.

 

I guess I'm battle-fatigued indeed, despite my battle being still so early. I want to find my optimism from the first 3 months again. I don't want to sabotage my next and last year of studies, but if WD taught me one thing, it's to not project. I hope to see relief very soon as I don't trust myself to resist reinstatement if this wave lasts til September.

 

Take care of you getofflex (and anyone reading this) ❤️

Aug 2017 - May 2018 -> Escitalopram 10 mg. June 5 mg and then stopped. Absolutely no withdrawal symptoms.

Nov 2018 - Jan 2021 -> Escitalopram 10 mg. Jan-Feb 2021 - 5 mg, daily (1 month).  Feb-March 2021 - 5 mg, one day out of two (2-3 weeks). No withdrawal symptoms during taper.

--- Since March 13th, 2021 -> Escitalopram 0 mg.

Withdrawal appeared 8-10 days after last dose: introduction topic

Benzos occasionally: Prazepam 5mg (last intake: aug 05).

Profile image: Edward Robert Hughes' "Night"

 

Link to post
Redlight

Hey @Siderale,

I can relate to some of the issues you are having, my last taper I went to fast(6 months).  The first 3 months off I manged, and it was ok, then after that it felt like I fell of a cliff.  

I had that total body exhaustion, I remember lieing in my car before work, sooo tired from head to toe that I felt I could be dead. Rumination came back about just about anything, health anxiety, sweating ect.... I also had a weird chemical feeling in my brain, like something was off, not sure if you've ever felt that.

Anyway I reinstated because I wasn't sleeping, and things were going downhill mentally pretty fast, and within a day or two felt soo much better.

This shows me that it was definitely withdrawal, and not relapse IMO.  I am doing the 10% per month taper and I'll see where it goes...Hopefully this can bring you a bit of comfort, knowing that your not alone in the struggle to get off of escitalopram for good.

May 2013-June 2015: 10 mg cipralex

2015: tapered over a month, went back on 3 months later.

Oct 2015- Jan 2018: 10 mg cipralex

Jan 2018:  Slower taper over 6 months, went back on around 3 months later.

Sept 2018- Present: 10mg cipralex

 

June 27th: tapered 10% to 9mg

July 27th-Current: tapered 10% to 8mg

 

Supplements: vitamen B,D and fish oil omega 3.

Link to post
  • Mentor
Greatful

@sideraleIt is good to hear from you.  Sounds like you are getting a little bit of enjoyment out of your trip.☺️  

I can hear it in your voice that you are trying to make the most out of this trip and spending time with your friend.  I will remind you again.  You are a very courageous woman.  I will be happy if I have a ounce of your courage.

 

4 hours ago, siderale said:

The worst is that- I feel like I managed way better the first months of withdrawal although the symptoms were debilitating; while now I just feel functional but absent and mentally exhausted.

I have thought this myself.  I think the positive objectivity you get from learning about what is going on with you and finding SA, seeing that you are not the only one and you can heal.  Well that starts to wear off, the days drag by, you start to see improvements but they don't come fast enough. The windows at first are a bright spot showing you that you are healing, then the shade comes down and the window goes away.  The windows  don't come often enough so we start to get impatient and worn out. 

 

 

42 minutes ago, siderale said:

I don't want to sabotage my next and last year of studies, but if WD taught me one thing, it's to not project.

If we can stop and look back we can see that we are healing.  Patience is very hard sometimes.  I can see for you that you feel some pressure to be ready for school and I can understand that weights heavy on your mind.  Only you can answer what is right for you.  And you will make that decision when the time is right. ☺️

 

Enjoy yourself

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/24894-greatful-is-this-withdrawal-or-to-many-med-changes-at-once/

1995? Prozac,  tried several Paxil, Serzone, St John's Wart back to Prozac and Trazodone ct:d Traz

 Lexapro. Tried to stop Crash in 2015  Kindled   Hospitalized, Vybrid, Seroquel, Effexor, Abilify  Pristiq, Wellbutrin 2016  ended back on 2016  Prozac and Lamictal 200mg

5/2020  through 12/2020 taper from 20mg  Prozac  down to 3mg.  Crashed  12/13/2020 Zoloft 50mg 1/29ct  1/29/2021 Seroquel 50mg ct  Trazadone 50mg 4/25  25mg 2/5/ 2021 Lamictal 150mg.  2/24  100mg   4/9  75mg   4/21 37.5  2/12/2021 Wellbutrin 75mg.  Became hypo manic 2/16 ct

2/16/2021 Seroquel 50xr  3/3 100mg  3/17  150mg  side effects ct   4/3 2021 Lexapro 5mg  4/14  7.5mg  4/30 10mg  5/10  7.5mg   5/16  5mg

 5mg Lexapro   37.5 Lamictal   25mg trazadone,   xanax  .0625mg  3x a day   Magnesium glycinate 200mg. Omega 3 , Melatonin L Theanine 

Lexapro 2021/01/09 4.90mg  05/09  4.75mg

 

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  • Moderator
getofflex

@sideraleI probably already mentioned it, but in case I didn't, remember than the longer one waits to reinstate, the riskier it is.  If you do decide to reinstate, let us know and we can suggest a reinstatement dose.  Is there a way you an take break and just rest for a while after you get back from your trip?  You have been quite busy with university, your thesis, and now your trip.  Perhaps resting and decreasing activity for a while would help. 

 

3 hours ago, siderale said:

I guess I'm battle-fatigued indeed, despite my battle being still so early.

Oh, do I ever relate to you on this one.  Yesterday I had a bad day, I felt the very same way.  Just remember that we are all in this boat together.  I'm praying that you will see a window very soon!  

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 '02 - 10 mg;  Apr 2 '20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06 

Ibuprofen 800 mg, or Tylenol 1000 mg as needed

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

Trazodone nightly, stopped in late 2019

Xanax on occasion, stopped in late 2019

magnesium in small amounts at breakfast, 3 PM 

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, calcium

suppl PM: magnesium 350 mg, GABA 750 mg, Estroven, melatonin 2.5 mg

Link to post
  • 2 weeks later...
siderale

@Redlight

 

Hello! I finally take the time to reply to you and to thank you for sharing your experience. I'm super glad reinstatement worked for you and I'm crossing fingers your next taper goes well. Hopefully the worst is already behind you right now. In my case, much like what @getofflex stated, my fear is that I missed my window of opportunity for reinstatement : yesterday was 5 months off my medication. I will see how it evolves. Thanks again and best of luck!

 

@getofflex I for now am not sure about reinstating and will discuss this eventuality with my therapist in half a month. No quick decisions, let alone taken in a wave. Escitalopram helped me a lot and worked wonderfully on me, twice: if reinstatement doesn't work and I have an adverse reaction it would be even harder emotionally because I still associate escitalopram with healing me. Might sound silly but it's true. Thank you so much for your thoughts and encouragements. Your strength is inspiring to me.

 

As usual @Greatful thank you for your words. I can see that I healed but not anymore that I am healing, if it makes sense. I just hope this period of stagnation will see some improvement soon. You summarised it so well. You really deserve the "mentor" title under your username! You are as couragous as me, everyone is on here but the dedication you have with helping everyone is remarkable. To me you are both selfless and full of wit. I'm thinking about you and hope things are alright.

 

Making my own update in another post right below.

Aug 2017 - May 2018 -> Escitalopram 10 mg. June 5 mg and then stopped. Absolutely no withdrawal symptoms.

Nov 2018 - Jan 2021 -> Escitalopram 10 mg. Jan-Feb 2021 - 5 mg, daily (1 month).  Feb-March 2021 - 5 mg, one day out of two (2-3 weeks). No withdrawal symptoms during taper.

--- Since March 13th, 2021 -> Escitalopram 0 mg.

Withdrawal appeared 8-10 days after last dose: introduction topic

Benzos occasionally: Prazepam 5mg (last intake: aug 05).

Profile image: Edward Robert Hughes' "Night"

 

Link to post
siderale

So I don't really know where I stand currently. Days follow each other and I feel either "meh" with slight moments of joy (and it's too slight to call it windows as I used to have actual windows feeling like myself in the first months) or downright horrible.

 

Like I said in my previous post, I see that I have healed from the start, but it doesn't feel like I'm healing anymore and it's what terrifies me. I get very slight windows and I dread the next waves each time I experience relief.

 

Overall, and objectively again, my trip is going wonderfully. I drive a lot and even when days are bad, driving is a window of relief because I can focus on something. I get full-days panic attacks sometimes. The past 3 days I had terrible insomnia - again my sleep was untouched most of withdrawal so writing this I'm already being anxious about not sleeping again while I clearly lack sleep, which doesn't help. I will try and change my mind about this, hopefully I sleep well tonight. My signature is up-to-date regarding benzos, I only take them when I'm feeling completely non-functional.

 

I come back home next thursday. I will be happy to be at my place again, in my space, even though I will have my thesis defense to prepare (should go well though). I will look back and be proud to have made this trip for sure. It's just so hard to feel like you'll never feel like your normal, healthy self again, but I know you all struggle with this too. I want calm as much as I dread it, but stability will probably help, I hope.

Aug 2017 - May 2018 -> Escitalopram 10 mg. June 5 mg and then stopped. Absolutely no withdrawal symptoms.

Nov 2018 - Jan 2021 -> Escitalopram 10 mg. Jan-Feb 2021 - 5 mg, daily (1 month).  Feb-March 2021 - 5 mg, one day out of two (2-3 weeks). No withdrawal symptoms during taper.

--- Since March 13th, 2021 -> Escitalopram 0 mg.

Withdrawal appeared 8-10 days after last dose: introduction topic

Benzos occasionally: Prazepam 5mg (last intake: aug 05).

Profile image: Edward Robert Hughes' "Night"

 

Link to post
  • Moderator
getofflex
20 minutes ago, siderale said:

 I for now am not sure about reinstating and will discuss this eventuality with my therapist in half a month. No quick decisions, let alone taken in a wave

Sounds good.  Just take things as they come, one day at a time.  

 

3 minutes ago, siderale said:

see that I have healed from the start, but it doesn't feel like I'm healing anymore and it's what terrifies me

Sometimes healing is so slow that we cannot tell we are healing.  I won't lie to you - healing from these drugs can take months to even years.  

 

4 minutes ago, siderale said:

Overall, and objectively again, my trip is going wonderfully. I drive a lot and even when days are bad, driving is a window of relief because I can focus on something.

I'm glad to hear this.  I too use distraction to help when I'm feeling especially bad.  It helps me not to focus on how badly I feel.  

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 '02 - 10 mg;  Apr 2 '20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06 

Ibuprofen 800 mg, or Tylenol 1000 mg as needed

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

Trazodone nightly, stopped in late 2019

Xanax on occasion, stopped in late 2019

magnesium in small amounts at breakfast, 3 PM 

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, calcium

suppl PM: magnesium 350 mg, GABA 750 mg, Estroven, melatonin 2.5 mg

Link to post
  • Mentor
Greatful

@siderale

I am glad that you enjoying your trip as much as you can.  Driving a lot?  Does that mean you are site seeing different country's?  It would you feel comfortable sharing some of the things you did on your trip when you get home?🌻

16 minutes ago, siderale said:

I see that I have healed from the start, but it doesn't feel like I'm healing anymore and it's what terrifies me.

Please don't feel discouraged.  I have read some people have wait along time to get a window or feel that nothing is happening, (remember when you feel awful that is when your brain is working hard to heal) then right around the corner the windows start coming and  

get stronger and stronger, stay longer and longer.  The waves are less intense and don't last as long. It may take a year or two, (or less) but they are in windows a lot and feel better and better as the time goes on.   We have to stay in the now and think I will be one that heals sooner then later.  That gives us hope.  Looking at it, this may take years will only make you feel overwhelmed and loss hope.😰

kenA  has a wonderful thread to read.  Healing does happen

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/22768-☼-kena-8-months-in-withdrawal-after-ct/

 

25 minutes ago, siderale said:

I will be happy to be at my place again, in my space,

I think this will help you feel better.  There is nothing better than your being in your own place where you feel the safest  and SLEEPING IN YOUR OWN BED. 

 

Thank you for your kind words❤️

We all do our part in helping each other💕

Think of us as one big family, caring, struggling, sharing and encouraging each.🤗

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/24894-greatful-is-this-withdrawal-or-to-many-med-changes-at-once/

1995? Prozac,  tried several Paxil, Serzone, St John's Wart back to Prozac and Trazodone ct:d Traz

 Lexapro. Tried to stop Crash in 2015  Kindled   Hospitalized, Vybrid, Seroquel, Effexor, Abilify  Pristiq, Wellbutrin 2016  ended back on 2016  Prozac and Lamictal 200mg

5/2020  through 12/2020 taper from 20mg  Prozac  down to 3mg.  Crashed  12/13/2020 Zoloft 50mg 1/29ct  1/29/2021 Seroquel 50mg ct  Trazadone 50mg 4/25  25mg 2/5/ 2021 Lamictal 150mg.  2/24  100mg   4/9  75mg   4/21 37.5  2/12/2021 Wellbutrin 75mg.  Became hypo manic 2/16 ct

2/16/2021 Seroquel 50xr  3/3 100mg  3/17  150mg  side effects ct   4/3 2021 Lexapro 5mg  4/14  7.5mg  4/30 10mg  5/10  7.5mg   5/16  5mg

 5mg Lexapro   37.5 Lamictal   25mg trazadone,   xanax  .0625mg  3x a day   Magnesium glycinate 200mg. Omega 3 , Melatonin L Theanine 

Lexapro 2021/01/09 4.90mg  05/09  4.75mg

 

Link to post
Jadenatalie

How are you doing @sideralexx

2016- August 2020 Fluoxetine 20mg 

 

August 2020 - December 2020 Sertraline 50mg

 

December 2020 - March 10th 2021 Citalopram 20mg - STOPPED cold turkey. 

 

Fully med free since 10th March 2021. 

Link to post
siderale
On 8/14/2021 at 10:21 PM, Greatful said:

remember when you feel awful that is when your brain is working hard to heal

I never thought of it that way. It's a nice way to see it, even when it's hard.

 

@Jadenatalie
hello there! Hope you're alright, I will check your update as soon as I can 💕

 

I am doing mostly good these past days. I counter sad or melancholic thoughts as much as I can. I fly back home tomorrow and I am experiencing the stress of leaving, but it's a "good" and normal kind of stress. It proves I had a good time despite the highs and lots of lows of WD. 

In this trip I drove a lot in an unknown country, ate a lot, took plenty of pictures - I might share some when I'm back home! And I'm proud of myself

 

A few things stressing me out - I have apprehension for the next wave (I shouldn't. I have no control over it, and it serves nothing to stress in advance), afraid it will hit as soon as I get back home and I lose appetite again... This is probably the hardest symptom but also the one I get the most often and I dread it.

 

But I'm once again looking forward to feeling myself healing. We'll get there.

Aug 2017 - May 2018 -> Escitalopram 10 mg. June 5 mg and then stopped. Absolutely no withdrawal symptoms.

Nov 2018 - Jan 2021 -> Escitalopram 10 mg. Jan-Feb 2021 - 5 mg, daily (1 month).  Feb-March 2021 - 5 mg, one day out of two (2-3 weeks). No withdrawal symptoms during taper.

--- Since March 13th, 2021 -> Escitalopram 0 mg.

Withdrawal appeared 8-10 days after last dose: introduction topic

Benzos occasionally: Prazepam 5mg (last intake: aug 05).

Profile image: Edward Robert Hughes' "Night"

 

Link to post
  • Mentor
Greatful

@siderale  

6 minutes ago, siderale said:

In this trip I drove a lot in an unknown country, ate a lot, took plenty of pictures - I might share some when I'm back home! And I'm proud of myself

Yes you should be very proud of yourself.  You are amazing❤️

I would love to hear about your trip.  I love to travel, but would find it hard to do right now.  That is why I am so PROUD of you for powering past your fears and WD and going.

 

11 minutes ago, siderale said:

I never thought of it that way. It's a nice way to see it, even when it's hard.

 

It talks about this in the story I sent you about the woman that healed from benzos." What is happening in your brain"  

 

13 minutes ago, siderale said:

afraid it will hit as soon as I get back home and I lose appetite again...

I really think being back in your safe environment will be calming.

Let us know how things go. 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/24894-greatful-is-this-withdrawal-or-to-many-med-changes-at-once/

1995? Prozac,  tried several Paxil, Serzone, St John's Wart back to Prozac and Trazodone ct:d Traz

 Lexapro. Tried to stop Crash in 2015  Kindled   Hospitalized, Vybrid, Seroquel, Effexor, Abilify  Pristiq, Wellbutrin 2016  ended back on 2016  Prozac and Lamictal 200mg

5/2020  through 12/2020 taper from 20mg  Prozac  down to 3mg.  Crashed  12/13/2020 Zoloft 50mg 1/29ct  1/29/2021 Seroquel 50mg ct  Trazadone 50mg 4/25  25mg 2/5/ 2021 Lamictal 150mg.  2/24  100mg   4/9  75mg   4/21 37.5  2/12/2021 Wellbutrin 75mg.  Became hypo manic 2/16 ct

2/16/2021 Seroquel 50xr  3/3 100mg  3/17  150mg  side effects ct   4/3 2021 Lexapro 5mg  4/14  7.5mg  4/30 10mg  5/10  7.5mg   5/16  5mg

 5mg Lexapro   37.5 Lamictal   25mg trazadone,   xanax  .0625mg  3x a day   Magnesium glycinate 200mg. Omega 3 , Melatonin L Theanine 

Lexapro 2021/01/09 4.90mg  05/09  4.75mg

 

Link to post
siderale

A small encouraging update because good days deserve to be documented. (and I was waiting to give some good news, finally)

I'd finally consider myself in a window these past ~4-5 days, I'm not feeling particularly good/better per se; and I had very stressful moments especially since I came back home from my trip but still, there is notable relief, and I'll explain why.

 

I'm tired, anxious about things regarding my future... But it's been 4-5 days I finally, finally feel like myself again. It's hard to describe but I feel like myself again while for the past months I could feel bad or okay, even good, but slightly out of it, emotionally "aside". Like depersonallisation or derealisation, but at a very low intensity, which was still very distressing and was participating in the "this is gonna stay, isn't it? I'm not healing, am I?" feeling. It is to note that this was not here during acute withdrawal and arrived afterwards.

These past days, even when anxious or feeling bad, I acutely feel that I am here and now. Very hard to describe but it's a relief. I dread the next wave but for now let's enjoy things one at a time. It gives me the same feeling as early withdrawal: things are hard but I can push through, because I feel in control rather than a spectator.

 

Here are two pictures from my trip. I am so glad I pushed through and went there.

 

pics1.thumb.jpg.b0c98ff8782f1daef3ad286605d02e62.jpg

 

pics2.thumb.jpg.2d3dcd21cd14bdfe2d0c21400a0c60e4.jpg

 

I hope you all are doing alright. Let's all hang in there ♥

 

Aug 2017 - May 2018 -> Escitalopram 10 mg. June 5 mg and then stopped. Absolutely no withdrawal symptoms.

Nov 2018 - Jan 2021 -> Escitalopram 10 mg. Jan-Feb 2021 - 5 mg, daily (1 month).  Feb-March 2021 - 5 mg, one day out of two (2-3 weeks). No withdrawal symptoms during taper.

--- Since March 13th, 2021 -> Escitalopram 0 mg.

Withdrawal appeared 8-10 days after last dose: introduction topic

Benzos occasionally: Prazepam 5mg (last intake: aug 05).

Profile image: Edward Robert Hughes' "Night"

 

Link to post
  • Moderator
getofflex

Oh siderale I’m so happy to hear this good news!   It sounds like you are definitely recovering.  I’m so glad you went on your trip. 

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 '02 - 10 mg;  Apr 2 '20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06 

Ibuprofen 800 mg, or Tylenol 1000 mg as needed

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

Trazodone nightly, stopped in late 2019

Xanax on occasion, stopped in late 2019

magnesium in small amounts at breakfast, 3 PM 

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, calcium

suppl PM: magnesium 350 mg, GABA 750 mg, Estroven, melatonin 2.5 mg

Link to post
  • Mentor
Greatful

@siderale  Welcome home☺️

 

10 hours ago, siderale said:

These past days, even when anxious or feeling bad, I acutely feel that I am here and now. Very hard to describe but it's a relief.

 

this is awesome....I think I know what you mean.  A little more connected to the real.  That d/r is kind of creepy.  You know you are here but you feel disconnected from the world.  Slowly  part of you  that has been lost under all the fog is starting to come out☺️  You are healing❤️

 

Being in or by water is always a peaceful feeling.  

 

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/24894-greatful-is-this-withdrawal-or-to-many-med-changes-at-once/

1995? Prozac,  tried several Paxil, Serzone, St John's Wart back to Prozac and Trazodone ct:d Traz

 Lexapro. Tried to stop Crash in 2015  Kindled   Hospitalized, Vybrid, Seroquel, Effexor, Abilify  Pristiq, Wellbutrin 2016  ended back on 2016  Prozac and Lamictal 200mg

5/2020  through 12/2020 taper from 20mg  Prozac  down to 3mg.  Crashed  12/13/2020 Zoloft 50mg 1/29ct  1/29/2021 Seroquel 50mg ct  Trazadone 50mg 4/25  25mg 2/5/ 2021 Lamictal 150mg.  2/24  100mg   4/9  75mg   4/21 37.5  2/12/2021 Wellbutrin 75mg.  Became hypo manic 2/16 ct

2/16/2021 Seroquel 50xr  3/3 100mg  3/17  150mg  side effects ct   4/3 2021 Lexapro 5mg  4/14  7.5mg  4/30 10mg  5/10  7.5mg   5/16  5mg

 5mg Lexapro   37.5 Lamictal   25mg trazadone,   xanax  .0625mg  3x a day   Magnesium glycinate 200mg. Omega 3 , Melatonin L Theanine 

Lexapro 2021/01/09 4.90mg  05/09  4.75mg

 

Link to post
Jadenatalie
On 8/21/2021 at 10:34 AM, siderale said:

A small encouraging update because good days deserve to be documented. (and I was waiting to give some good news, finally)

I'd finally consider myself in a window these past ~4-5 days, I'm not feeling particularly good/better per se; and I had very stressful moments especially since I came back home from my trip but still, there is notable relief, and I'll explain why.

 

I'm tired, anxious about things regarding my future... But it's been 4-5 days I finally, finally feel like myself again. It's hard to describe but I feel like myself again while for the past months I could feel bad or okay, even good, but slightly out of it, emotionally "aside". Like depersonallisation or derealisation, but at a very low intensity, which was still very distressing and was participating in the "this is gonna stay, isn't it? I'm not healing, am I?" feeling. It is to note that this was not here during acute withdrawal and arrived afterwards.

These past days, even when anxious or feeling bad, I acutely feel that I am here and now. Very hard to describe but it's a relief. I dread the next wave but for now let's enjoy things one at a time. It gives me the same feeling as early withdrawal: things are hard but I can push through, because I feel in control rather than a spectator.

 

Here are two pictures from my trip. I am so glad I pushed through and went there.

 

pics1.thumb.jpg.b0c98ff8782f1daef3ad286605d02e62.jpg

 

pics2.thumb.jpg.2d3dcd21cd14bdfe2d0c21400a0c60e4.jpg

 

I hope you all are doing alright. Let's all hang in there ♥

 

Hi @siderale, that's amazing that you're in a window! May it continue! Those holiday pics are beautiful :) 

2016- August 2020 Fluoxetine 20mg 

 

August 2020 - December 2020 Sertraline 50mg

 

December 2020 - March 10th 2021 Citalopram 20mg - STOPPED cold turkey. 

 

Fully med free since 10th March 2021. 

Link to post
siderale

Thanks all. It is so encouraging to experience true relief amidst waves and only "blurry" windows.

I woke up today super anxious for absolutely no reason, but took my time to get up and it subsided.

 

In this window, my symptoms are:

- some bouts of anxiety, can be intense but they are short

- feeling of pressure in my head. Sort of a "light" pressure headache. It just feels heavy.

- feeling of heat in my limbs, especially feet and head

- general fatigue, but it's not debilitating exhaustion

 

As of lately I'm mostly concerned by my weight that doesn't go back up although I eat normally again since 2-3 weeks. As my appetite is back (and I damn hope it stays!!) I figure it will just take a lot of time to gain what I lost. But I have to admit that it pains me a lot to see how skinny I am, like even if I now finally eat and sleep correctly I look sickly skinny, it never ever got to that point.

I'm a bit stressed because I have an MRI scan in 2 days (I already had one few years ago so I know how it goes thankfully). The scan was prescribed by my GP to rule out any underlying cause for my photophobia and weight loss, but I'm convinced it'll come back all clear. Once done I'll only have healing ahead of me. I can't believe this withdrawal made me check almost every health issue possible. My GP herself is stunned to see all the physical effects of WD.

 

Aug 2017 - May 2018 -> Escitalopram 10 mg. June 5 mg and then stopped. Absolutely no withdrawal symptoms.

Nov 2018 - Jan 2021 -> Escitalopram 10 mg. Jan-Feb 2021 - 5 mg, daily (1 month).  Feb-March 2021 - 5 mg, one day out of two (2-3 weeks). No withdrawal symptoms during taper.

--- Since March 13th, 2021 -> Escitalopram 0 mg.

Withdrawal appeared 8-10 days after last dose: introduction topic

Benzos occasionally: Prazepam 5mg (last intake: aug 05).

Profile image: Edward Robert Hughes' "Night"

 

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