success siderale: escitalopram healed me, and I'm trying to live without it again: overcoming withdrawal symptoms

[Greatful]

@siderale I am happy to hear you are doing better and seeing a clearer window.

You sound so much better.  It is nice to hear some confidence and calm back in your voice.❤️

 

I am sure you will get back to a healthy weight.  You body and brain have been shaken up pretty bad. And it is still putting in over time to heal.

1 hour ago, siderale said:

underlying cause for my photophobia and weight loss, but I'm convinced it'll come back all clear.

I think your right.  Is the photophobia still an issue?

 

1 hour ago, siderale said:

My GP herself is stunned to see all the physical effects of WD.

Sounds like she believes you are in WD.  That is great, let's get another doctor that on board.

Tell her to spread the word to her colleagues. 

 

How is your thesis going?  When do you start back to school?

 

[getofflex]

3 hours ago, siderale said:

It is so encouraging to experience true relief amidst waves and only "blurry" windows

I'm glad you are experiencing relief!  🌞

 

The MRI scan should rule out any other causes for your issues.  I"m glad to hear that you are eating and sleeping normally now.  You've come a long way since you first started here.  I suspect that as you continue eating, you will put on weight. Be sure to include all food groups, including health calorie dense foods to help you gain weight.  

[siderale]

Hello all, another quick update in tune with the recent developments of my mental state;

- So, yesterday, brain MRI went well and came back all clear. I was anxious of course. But despite being strong, said anxiety did not prompt me to take benzodiazepins.

- On the same day, learnt something awful - long-time family friend suffered a stroke. Not a big one but still - recovery ahead of a life-threatening event. My parents and I are all pretty shaken up by the news.

- My soon to be 18 years old cat isn't doing well. She scared us already this summer, we know she doesn't have long but still, it's hard.

- And today, had to deal with very, VERY upsetting issues and conflict regarding a group of friends.

 

All of these are unusual and stressful events. And I am someone VERY attached to routine. I'm still pretty much shaken up, jittery, a bit nauseous, tearful- but those reactions are normal. I feel like myself - myself navigating through life and its events, not withdrawal. Even on antidepressants and being stable, I would have been sad/upset/stressed with all of this (meds did not dampen my emotions but made them easier to manage).

 

I haven't been able to eat much today, my stomach's the first to be upset when I myself am upset. I have no idea if this will start a wave or not - I don't think too much about withdrawal. I keep doing my things and eating a healthy minimum. Life continues.

 

@Greatful - My photophobia has been gone for around two weeks. In total it lasted one month and two weeks. GP maintained the MRI scan in case it came back but for now it's thankfully gone. Phew! Thank you for your encouragements. I hope you are well. I am also so reassured to find myself again and I hope you experience similar relief soon, away from DP/DR!

Oh and adding: I start school again mid-september. My thesis defense is end of september.

I hope school will be at uni, on-site, and not on zoom like last year. That was a very weird year! I hope the virus stays under control and allows me to have a normal (most likely final) year of studies!

 

@getofflex - Ever since this all started I always paid attention to vary my foods. I always had a varied and I believe healthy diet, so it helps. I do not seem to benefit from particular diets or avoiding sugars, gluten... quite the opposite: I just vary what I eat but don't change too many habits. When I feel even better and my appetite is stronger + my stomach more used to eating "heavier" meals I'll try to increase my calorie intake a bit to put on weight - healthily, of course! Wishing you all the best this weekend.

Edited August 28, 2021 by siderale
answering questions about my studies!

[getofflex]

2 hours ago, siderale said:

But despite being strong, said anxiety did not prompt me to take benzodiazepins.

That's great, @siderale! 

 

I'm so sorry you are being hit with all the stress factors, especially the drama with the group of friends.  

2 hours ago, siderale said:

I feel like myself - myself navigating through life and its events, not withdrawal.

How wonderful!  

 

It sounds like overall you are doing very well, but I'm sorry you are having to go through all the issues with your family friend, your cat, and your friends.  I understand about the cat, we went through this last year.  I hope and pray you and your friend work out the situation to everyone's benefit.  

[siderale]

Hello everyone, another update as I saw my psychiatrist yesterday.

 

So far still considering myself in a window, as I still feel like myself and I am often hungry. Recent stress factors and very busy days made things unstable regarding anxiety and appetite, but overall doing OK. Yesterday, it was like life testing me: I hate being late, and different factors made me  super late to my three appointments of the day! But still, managed alright. I had to move and drive a lot and the appointments were medical and work-related, and in the evening I went to a restaurant with friends - all while still dealing with said other stress factors. A close friend was having a panic attack and I was helping while myself lowkey being in one lol. This is the recipe to being overwhelmed yet I can still navigate through, and did all I had to do.

 

Interestingly enough, yesterday my psychiatrist told me that as antidepressants (for me) made stress more manageable, it is now still my brain accomodating to the chemical/hormones of stress as if it was not used to them anymore. I imagine it, kinda like learning to walk properly after a long time spent wearing a cast on your leg.

 

He has been very encouraging regarding this particular improvement from last weeks, but repeated that it can still fluctuate (the waves and windows, in his terms!). It is both sad and reassuring to hear that all of this is "normal" and can happen to anyone.

 

I am glad to feel more in tune with myself and my environment. All of this is very encouraging. I still think it's too early for me to yell "victory!" because I haven't even passed the 6-months mark yet but I'm crossing fingers things continue to become smoother even in the next waves.

 

[Greatful]

@siderale   This is good news......It looks like you may have turned a corner.❤️

 

4 hours ago, siderale said:

He has been very encouraging regarding this particular improvement from last weeks, but repeated that it can still fluctuate (the waves and windows, in his terms!). It is both sad and reassuring to hear that all of this is "normal" and can happen to anyone.

 

You are so lucky to have a doctor that is supportive and seems to know what he is doing.

 

[getofflex]

@sideraleit sounds like you are doing very well!  It seems as though you are able to function well in a busy life, which is amazing.  As time goes on, the windows get better and longer, and the waves become shorter and less severe.  

[siderale]

Thank you both ♥ I do consider that I am doing very well especially compared to previous windows. I started my part-time job again - same as last year so no big deal, I already know what to do and it gives me a bit of money. As for my final academic year it officially starts sept. 20th. My thesis defense is end of september.

And yes, my psychiatrist also told me (in his terms) that waves get shorter with time (and that healing indeed takes a lot of time).

 

Checking in to add the symptoms I still have in this current window:

- since ~1-2 months, head pressure, not painful but annoying. Stronger when I lie down or put my head down (annoys me when I do yoga!)

- since the beginning of WD: huge anxiety (with no discernable reason) immediately when I wake up... I took the habit to take ~15-30 minutes to get out of bed as it subsides, but it's still annoying because fast heartbeat and nausea.

- anxiety bouts during the day or the occasional intrusive thought. Nausea when stressed as well but it has always been the case with me: the symptom is more that anxiety is more frequent, lol

[getofflex]

I'm glad to hear your recovery is progressing so well!  

 

48 minutes ago, siderale said:

- since the beginning of WD: huge anxiety (with no discernable reason) immediately when I wake up... I

Part of the reason for this morning anxiety, is that as part of our body's daily rhythm, our cortisol and adrenaline hormones tend to go up in the early morning hours, and gradually decrease as the day goes on.  These hormones activate our nervous systems to prepare us for the day's activity.  In WD, because our systems are so sensitized and tend to be activated, and probably because we no longer have the emotional blunting of the full dose of the drug, we feel this activation very keenly, and instead of just feeling alert and energetic, we are anxious and fearful.  I believe that this will slowly diminish in time.  Here is a link about the morning cortisol spike.  

 

Managing the Morning Cortisol Spike

[Willfinish]

Hi siderale, did you have anhedonia or pssd ? 

[siderale]

7 hours ago, Willfinish said:

Hi siderale, did you have anhedonia or pssd ? 

Hello! I couldn't say about PSSD. I did have anhedonia (never had it before in my life ever) it was really intense for a couple of days around 3 months in. Then had mild anhedonia I'd say for like 1 month. It definitely wasn't my biggest symptom I'd say.

[siderale]

Yesterday was my 6-month mark. I haven't had much time to update: I have been extremely busy, moving from a place to another, juggling work and studies. I would still consider myself in a window but I gotta admit that I am quite exhausted by this rhythm. Tonight I could feel stress/exhaustion piling up; nothing unusual I just think my "threshold" to feel overwhelmed is lower than it used to as I recover from withdrawal. Still waiting to put back on weight, looking at myself in a mirror is difficult. These months really took a toll on my physical form.

Nothing too scary, though, I'm still optimistic and feeling like myself, with okay levels of energy. I just hope to catch a break soon and find my rhythm again as school starts + my thesis.

 

It doesn't help that the weather has been proper awful- it actually gives me headaches, it's 30°c until late in the evening with 80% humidity, like right before a storm- but it's been one/two weeks of this! Thankfully the temperatures should drop in the coming days, here's hoping.

I realise that me complaining about the atrocious weather is such a good thing, as I am not complaining about withdrawal!

[getofflex]

1 hour ago, siderale said:

Tonight I could feel stress/exhaustion piling up

Just be cautious - allowing too much stress and exhaustion can throw us into a wave.  I'm now coming out of a wave myself.  It's good you are able to be so busy and active.  It sounds like you are recovering and doing better from how you felt several months ago. 

[Jadenatalie]

16 hours ago, siderale said:

Yesterday was my 6-month mark. I haven't had much time to update: I have been extremely busy, moving from a place to another, juggling work and studies. I would still consider myself in a window but I gotta admit that I am quite exhausted by this rhythm. Tonight I could feel stress/exhaustion piling up; nothing unusual I just think my "threshold" to feel overwhelmed is lower than it used to as I recover from withdrawal. Still waiting to put back on weight, looking at myself in a mirror is difficult. These months really took a toll on my physical form.

Nothing too scary, though, I'm still optimistic and feeling like myself, with okay levels of energy. I just hope to catch a break soon and find my rhythm again as school starts + my thesis.

 

It doesn't help that the weather has been proper awful- it actually gives me headaches, it's 30°c until late in the evening with 80% humidity, like right before a storm- but it's been one/two weeks of this! Thankfully the temperatures should drop in the coming days, here's hoping.

I realise that me complaining about the atrocious weather is such a good thing, as I am not complaining about withdrawal!

You sound like you're doing amazing @siderale !! congratulations  i also feel the same when the weather is humid and hot, but like you said, thats a massively good sign that you're making withdrawal progress!! xx

[Phoenixmama]

happy to here your feeling better 🌞 @siderale ❤️ i too made 6 months on aug 28th and i have to say i feel better , we are healing 🧘‍♀️

[siderale]

@getofflex@Jadenatalie@Phoenixmama

Thank you all. I also want to encourage you to keep pushing, I know you are still riding waves and I'm crossing fingers you get more and more relief. Thanks for dropping by. I hope to get the time to properly check up on you in the coming days, I've been so busy!!

 

Since yesterday I've been quite anxious all day long. My appetite is thankfully still there, but I feel very jittery, low-key flight or fight mode. Nothing too crazy, still functional, but I do feel "off", and I had a few ruminating sad thoughts, so it could definitely be a wave. Maybe, like @getofflex said, it's triggered by stress and exhaustion piling up, it could be the case. I'm taking care as much as I can, and try to tackle tasks and days one by one.

[Greatful]

@siderale  You are doing amazing.  You sound some much more engaged in life.  

I know that you will do well when the school year starts.  You are a fighter.❤️

[siderale]

Thank you @Greatful ♥

 

Another short update. I would consider myself in a wave because the uneasiness of the past days won't go away + some symptoms. But it's a very mild wave, the symptoms are less severe. I mostly have :

- uneasiness 24/7, with some anxiety spikes. I know it's stress because sometimes my lower jaw hurts, I think the muscles are tensing without me noticing it.

- head pressure is quite strong. Like something is pushing the front of my face. It's as if I had a fever, but I have none.

- exhaustion is back, less severe than before but still I feel so, so damn tired despite sleeping correctly. Like my eyes feel dry and tired all day long.

 

It's funny how my brain still goes "maybe you do have a serious health issue..." but I literally had a clear brain MRI weeks ago. I don't stress much about this but it's crazy just how your brain will have the most panicked thoughts so easily. Ah, this, you cannot see on a MRI scan lol.

[Greatful]

@siderale  I get the head pressure.  My brain feels like it is a panic trying to focus clearly.  Do you have a hard time concentrating or thinking?  I feel like there is a small baseball behind my forehead and it blunts my thinking.  It let's me know that this is definitely a drug induced mess my brain is in.   I still have bouts of depression, anxiety, inter restlessness + a few other symptoms  and of course the intrusive thoughts that seem so real.  But I do feel that I have made some progress in healing.

 

  Remember we are going to look back on this one day and know we are a strong, courageous group of people.☺️

2 hours ago, siderale said:

It's funny how my brain still goes "maybe you do have a serious health issue.

My brain does this with my crazy phobia and obsession's I know they are so far fetched and make no sense but the brain has the" well what if" stuck in a deep rut.

 

2 hours ago, siderale said:

I would consider myself in a wave because the uneasiness of the past days won't go away + some symptoms. But it's a very mild wave, the symptoms are less severe. I mostly have :

This is encouraging for the rest of us.  It does show that even if it takes longer than we like to heal,  the waves are easier as you heal and the windows are longer....YEAH  

You are so lucky to be off of everything.  Way to go❤️

[siderale]

Hey everyone. Wouldn't be able to say if I'm still in a wave or not (a good thing: it shows that is is very mild) A lot of stress factors played in the last week. I had my thesis defense, which went objectively well (I got a good grade) but I was unhappy with my "performance". I have next year's final defense which will be better.

Going back to school has been both good in order to socialise, and difficult because friends and I, even our professors, admit that it's hard sitting in class the whole day again after one year and a half without doing so. But things are gonna get back into rhythm. Yesterday I drove back to spend the week-end with my parents', we even celebrated in a restaurant and I was able to eat everything I ordered. I'm slowly putting weight back on, and despite stress my appetite is still there.

 

Today, september 25th of 2021, my parents and I put our 18 years old cat to sleep. I am 25 and so I have known her most of my life, as well as never truly experienced grief before - lucky for me, I know. It's incredibly hard, to imagine life without our cat around, but it was the best decision to take and she enjoyed her long life to the fullest.

I shall now process this grief. Withdrawal or not, I know I would have been affected the same (even if I was still stable on meds, or in acute withdrawal) and time will do its thing. Thanks for reading me ♥

[Jadenatalie]

On 9/25/2021 at 1:30 PM, siderale said:

Hey everyone. Wouldn't be able to say if I'm still in a wave or not (a good thing: it shows that is is very mild) A lot of stress factors played in the last week. I had my thesis defense, which went objectively well (I got a good grade) but I was unhappy with my "performance". I have next year's final defense which will be better.

Going back to school has been both good in order to socialise, and difficult because friends and I, even our professors, admit that it's hard sitting in class the whole day again after one year and a half without doing so. But things are gonna get back into rhythm. Yesterday I drove back to spend the week-end with my parents', we even celebrated in a restaurant and I was able to eat everything I ordered. I'm slowly putting weight back on, and despite stress my appetite is still there.

 

Today, september 25th of 2021, my parents and I put our 18 years old cat to sleep. I am 25 and so I have known her most of my life, as well as never truly experienced grief before - lucky for me, I know. It's incredibly hard, to imagine life without our cat around, but it was the best decision to take and she enjoyed her long life to the fullest.

I shall now process this grief. Withdrawal or not, I know I would have been affected the same (even if I was still stable on meds, or in acute withdrawal) and time will do its thing. Thanks for reading me ♥

hi @sideraleoh im so so sorry to hear abut your cat  Losing a pet is devastating and i completely understand i lost my dog a couple of years back to sudden unexpected cancer and she was only 7, it absolutely broke me for weeks. I still get upset when i think about her now. 

 

Its pretty amazing that you're back in class and eating out etc, you're doing AMAZING! well done ❤️ I'm so glad you didnt reinstate all those months back xxxx

[PsychologicalSafe15]

@Jadenatalie @siderale Did your vivid dreams dissapeare ?

[siderale]

On 9/29/2021 at 3:07 PM, PsychologicalSafe15 said:

Did your vivid dreams dissapeare

I never had to deal with vivid dreams, sorry, I couldn't help!

 

On 9/29/2021 at 11:28 AM, Jadenatalie said:

hi @sideraleoh im so so sorry to hear abut your cat  Losing a pet is devastating and i completely understand i lost my dog a couple of years back to sudden unexpected cancer and she was only 7, it absolutely broke me for weeks. I still get upset when i think about her now. 

 

Its pretty amazing that you're back in class and eating out etc, you're doing AMAZING! well done ❤️ I'm so glad you didnt reinstate all those months back xxxx

 

Thank you dear Jadenatalie. For you I cannot even imagine how hard it must have been, because it was sudden and unexpected... For my parents and I, it was difficult, but our cat was old & ill and she declined extremely fast this summer. We were all "prepared", and there are no "what if"s, however the absence is the toughest thing to deal with. It's harder for my mom as she was living with our cat 24/7, while I spent most of my weeks away at my apartment.

But only time can help with grief. I hope it will get easier for you, too ♥

 

And I both agree and disagree about reinstating -- fact is, now that I look back into my year, I regret immensely not reinstating immediately, because chances are that it would have helped me, made this while thing "less worse". I would have rather dealt with slow but mild WD effects rather than those hellish months.

But! ultimately, what has been done has been done, no need for me to dwell on the past. The hardest is now behind me. And I hope that soon, you will be able to state the same, and see that the hardest is behind you ♥

 

[siderale]

Today's update is that, and I'm very happy to say this, I haven't truly felt in withdrawal, meaning big symptoms, since end of August.

 

A note about this "milestone": as I approach the 8 months mark, I am currently as I type this staying in the very place (friend's house) I was in, when withdrawal unexpectedly started for me, marking the beginning of this journey. I am staying in this home for the first time since then. And so far, I feel alright (I tend to associate things, be it places, songs, smells... with bad memories, to the point it forbids me from enjoying said things)

 

I had some sort of very mild wave last weeks for like 10 days, but it was very probably just normal life stress, a lot happened. My appetite is still here (my very busy days probably help, I use a lot of energy). My head pressure has lessened a lot. My body is still pretty weak (I lost a lot of weight) but I do not have full-body exhaustion anymore, the kind that made me think I wouldn't be able to walk to the toilets. I, of course, get hit by crying bouts as I am grieving my cat and having ruminating thoughts on death and linked to my OCD, but it's manageable.

 

I'm still very wary and know I shouldn't say "I did it!" too early, but I'm really looking forwards to the next months to be sure that yes, I have recovered so much already. I feel very lucky, but at the same time it is so important to share positive news. Because if you asked me 2 months back, I sure as hell was convinced my brain, my whole damn body were altered forever (from withdrawal, not meds themselves, again, they helped me so much). Whereas now I can safely say that recovery is possible, and if I get hit by a wave I shall remember this.

[Willfinish]

It’s impossible you are already over. I’m fighting since 2 years and i was on the drug less than you. Did you have already passed the anhedonia/pssd/lack of emotions phase ? Take care

[Memphisto]

18 hours ago, siderale said:

Das heutige Update ist, dass ich mich seit Ende August nicht mehr wirklich im Entzug, also großen Symptomen, gefühlt habe.

 

Eine Anmerkung zu diesem "Meilenstein": Da ich mich der 8-Monats-Marke nähere, bleibe ich derzeit, während ich dies schreibe, genau an dem Ort (Haus eines Freundes), an dem ich mich befand, als der Rückzug für mich unerwartet begann und den Beginn dieser Reise markierte. Seitdem wohne ich zum ersten Mal in diesem Haus. Und bis jetzt geht es mir gut (ich neige dazu, Dinge, seien es Orte, Lieder, Gerüche...

 

Ich hatte letzte Wochen für 10 Tage eine Art sehr milde Welle, aber es war sehr wahrscheinlich nur normaler Lebensstress, es ist viel passiert. Mein Appetit ist immer noch da (meine sehr arbeitsreichen Tage helfen wahrscheinlich, ich verbrauche viel Energie). Mein Kopfdruck hat stark nachgelassen. Mein Körper ist immer noch ziemlich schwach (ich habe viel abgenommen), aber ich habe keine Ganzkörpererschöpfung mehr, die mich denken ließ, dass ich nicht auf die Toilette gehen könnte. Ich werde natürlich von Weinen heimgesucht, wenn ich meine Katze betrauere und über den Tod nachdenke und mit meiner Zwangsstörung verbunden bin, aber es ist überschaubar.

 

Ich bin immer noch sehr vorsichtig und weiß, dass ich nicht sagen sollte "Ich habe es geschafft!" zu früh, aber ich freue mich schon sehr auf die nächsten Monate, um sicher zu sein, dass ich mich ja schon so gut erholt habe. Ich fühle mich sehr glücklich, aber gleichzeitig ist es so wichtig, positive Nachrichten zu teilen. Denn wenn Sie mich vor 2 Monaten gefragt haben, war ich absolut überzeugt, dass mein Gehirn, mein ganzer verdammter Körper für immer verändert wurde (vom Entzug, nicht die Medikamente selbst, sie haben mir wieder so sehr geholfen). Wohingegen ich jetzt mit Sicherheit sagen kann, dass eine Erholung möglich ist, und wenn ich von einer Welle getroffen werde, werde ich mich daran erinnern.

Hello siderals,

We do not know eachother yet. I've been reading your introduction for the past few days and weeks. Today I read your latest update and I am very happy to hear that you have been feeling much better since August. Your updates were very inspiring for me and give me courage not to lose hope in worse times.

 

I also had and still have withdrawal symptoms from tapering off escitalopram. Unfortunately, I started doing this way too quickly last year (from 10 mg to 1.5 mg in just 3 weeks). Since then I have been driving much slower (now at 0.80 mg), but I still have withdrawal days. I have the same symptoms as you. Some days I wake up with fear and panic. On bad days I have no appetite and a lot of thirst until noon.

 

How are you doing with your anxiety when you wake up? Is the anxiety and loss of appetite still there in the morning and if so, is it milder?

 

I wish you all the best and much healing in the future.

 

Nice greetings from Germany

 

Memphisto

[getofflex]

4 hours ago, Willfinish said:

It’s impossible you are already over. I’m fighting since 2 years and i was on the drug less than you

We all have different experiences with withdrawal, and our recoveries are affected by many different factors, not just by how long we were on the drug.  

[getofflex]

19 hours ago, siderale said:

I'm still very wary and know I shouldn't say "I did it!" too early, but I'm really looking forwards to the next months to be sure that yes, I have recovered so much already. I feel very lucky, but at the same time it is so important to share positive news. Because if you asked me 2 months back, I sure as hell was convinced my brain, my whole damn body were altered forever (from withdrawal, not meds themselves, again, they helped me so much). Whereas now I can safely say that recovery is possible, and if I get hit by a wave I shall remember this.

I"m so thrilled for you!  You have done a fantastic job with your recovery.  You will be an inspiration for others who are struggling.  

[Phoenixmama]

@siderale 🥰 💞 thanks for sharing your wonderful positive light…. 

[siderale]

6 hours ago, Memphisto said:

How are you doing with your anxiety when you wake up? Is the anxiety and loss of appetite still there in the morning and if so, is it milder?

Hello and pleased to meet you, Memphisto! I am very glad to read that my story has been reassuring or inspiring to you. It was so important for me to be able to give back to this community and help other people.

I am sorry to hear you are still struggling. I still wake up with anxiety, but it's less strong (it used to be full blown anxiety attack). Now, it is just "uneasy" feeling, and it wears off very quickly. Loss of appetite is still there in the morning, but I am able to eat (it is not nausea anymore).

I hope your slow taper will help managing the symptoms. I am sending you all the strength I can to overcome this. You will heal!

 

@Phoenixmama @getofflex, sending love to you both 🧡 I am acutely aware of just how extremely lucky I am in my path for now, and I'll do my best to give hope to everyone. All my updates are genuine and I have never felt the need to obscure anything, be it the struggles or the hope I have in recovery. I wish peace and healing to you both. We are all doing our very best, just by progressing at our rhythm, and it will pay off.

 

It might be a bit too early for the little ☼ symbol in my title, but I hope to update in the coming weeks/months feeling stable still.

Take care of you, all, and thank you for being here 💜

 

 

[Jadenatalie]

On 10/2/2021 at 2:01 AM, Willfinish said:

It’s impossible you are already over. I’m fighting since 2 years and i was on the drug less than you. Did you have already passed the anhedonia/pssd/lack of emotions phase ? Take care

@Willfinish please be careful what you are saying. Everyone's journey is very different. I'm the same stage as @sideraleand still massively struggling with my w/d. But I'm not dragging her down or being negative. There is no need for the negativity, I have also just had an email that you left another negative comment on this thread.  

 

You will come to your good place soon, some people have adverse reactions after 1 or 2 pills and take years to recover, everyone is different. 

Edited October 3, 2021 by getofflex
To remove quotation of a negative post

[Altostrata]

@Willfinish stop being mean to other members.

 

@siderale you have a great attitude. I see a sun in your near future! Please let us know how you're doing.

[siderale]

Still busy busy days for me. I am slowly processing the loss of my cat, though it will hit harder once I'm back at my parents' and she isn't around the house. But again, we took the right decision, she was a shadow of herself towards the end of her life, and as for the 18 years she for sure had a great time 😊

 

Nothing alarming on my side. Some crying bouts and anxiety but nothing out of the roof. However my period started yesterday and I've been feeling super ill ever since, but I definitely blame periods and not WD. My period symptoms are usually not these ones (right now I feel extremely bloated, feverish with no fever, super nauseous). But all those sound like they can happen due to periods, even if I usually don't get them.

I can't help but be afraid of this nausea, I truly have a scare reaction to it as I associate it so much with WD and long-term loss of appetite.

But I've been putting on weight as I eat a lot more, these few days of being ill should not make me too weak, and I am positive that after my period I will feel normal again. Those damn hormones! I'm gonna try to make myself some ginger-lemon tea, I've heard it may help with nausea. And I'll add some sugar to give me energy.

[Erell]

Like you say, those damn hormones ! Fortunately the spikes associated with periods tend to fade after : please keep in mind that whatever happen during this time of the month is only temporary 💜

 

I know too well how we can get panicky when an old symptom come back, or when old intensity show up again : you have seen so much progress, I have no doubt you'll come back  your baseline soon.

 

You are on the right path dear ☀️

 

Edited October 8, 2021 by Erell

[siderale]

As I write this it is the 13th of the month for me, so it has been 7 months off. I wrongly counted 8 in one of my previous posts!

 

First or all, thanks sweet @Erell ♥ You are right and it is what helps me moving forwards as assured as I can.

 

This past week, ever since my period, I've been feeling off.  It is withdrawal, I cannot attribute this feeling of general uneasiness to anything else (like many said, a relapse would feel like a relapse, or the anxiety I was dealing with before meds, while this, this is me feeling out of it).

 

I could say it is a wave, I'm anxious through the day, and wake up feeling uneasy. I get intrusive thoughts while sitting in class. Nothing debilitating though, thankfully.

Funnily enough, it seems like my intrusive or ruminating thoughts circle back on forth, as if depending on the week they choose a subject to focus on. It's tiring, but if anything it shows me that what sometimes seems impossible to overcome (existential fears) seem super minor when other ruminating thoughts come "to the front". They exchange places but ultimately they show me that I am able to not be affected by them. The challenge is to not be affected by any, of course, but that will take time. 😊

 

Looking forward to feeling better in the coming days/weeks. I know it's around the corner.

[siderale]

Coming back for an update. As for, now I still feel alright and feel like myself in my everyday life, and therefore almost healed from WD. I would say I haven't been in a strong wave since mid-august. The waves since then have been very mild, lasting approx. one week, and seem to be set off by hormonal changes, out of anything (I have noticed these waves each time I get my period - I have my PMS in a few days so i'm not looking forward to it!!). I was able to process the loss of my dearly beloved cat, and I am slowly catching up on the work I have to do. The future regarding my studies and employment is uncertain and very daunting to be honest but this is life and I don't feel like withdrawal is part of the equation at all.

 

Besides these mild waves, I feel like what I am dealing with on a daily basis is "just" general anxiety. I saw my therapist a week ago who said that after my brain had to re-accomodate to normal life stress (because while I was on the meds it was greatly diminished). Basically, I am anxious quite often (it's in my nature), but it is not debilitating anymore because thanks to what I learnt these past years while on the meds and then through withdrawal, I now have the tools to deal with it better.

 

My appetite is super steady, even though putting back on the weight I lost during WD is extremely, extremely slow.

I have been working out at home again for 2 weeks, not overdoing it (15-30 mins a day). and I also stick to yin yoga (restorative yoga) quite often, even when I'm feeling good (damn, the fact that I can even say this!!) because it is always a good habit to take - just to have a moment of calm in your day.

 

I'm still monitoring my state and emotions, but so far it seems like withdrawal is almost over. The bad waves seem like a distant memory and I am aware that I am incredibly lucky to even be able state this. I am also aware that some people can get hit by bad waves even after months of nothing or mild waves so I stay wary. I'd say I keep a realist, but optimistic outlook, which is to me the best way to move on.