success siderale: escitalopram healed me, and I'm trying to live without it again: overcoming withdrawal symptoms

[Memphisto]

hello siderale,

 

thank you for the new update. you really sound very positive and full of optimism. i am very happy to read that you are already doing so much better. may the heavy waves remain in the past and spare you. 🙏

 

warmest greetings
memphisto

[siderale]

Hello again @Memphistoand thanks for stopping by! I ought to come visit your thread a bit soon to see how you are doing. Hope you are well, I wish you all the best on your taper journey!

 

I am currently sitting on a train to spend the week with some friends. I had terrible insomnia last night (always happens when you need a good night of sleep!!) My heartbeat was fast and I could not divert myself from counting my hours of sleep (which you shouldn't do!)

Before WD I practically never dealt with insomnia, not to that extent where I end up sleeping 3-4hrs. I really hope it won't become a common occurrence, even after I feel 100% healed, but at least the human body can function with a poor night, this much I've come to learn.

 

I'm super tired but hopefully it won't ruin my day. My stress is taking time to lower, I still can feel my heart beat super fast but slightly lower than this night and this early morning. But for once health anxiety isn't there because I know it's just stress, anticipation, probably worsened by my PMS. But it won't stop me from enjoying my time with my friends.

[getofflex]

@sideraleYou have come a long way!  You sound like you are doing very well.  From what I have read on the site, when someone gets hit with a  strong wave after they have recovered, it is usually due to the nervous system still being sensitive, and the person goes back to drinking alcohol, or taking an antibiotic that can affect the nervous system, etc.  I'm also affected by MSG, some vaccines (Shingrix was bad, J & J COVID19 was no problem), severe stress, too much stimulation in one day, or severe weather (thunderstorms).   Here is a thread about that: 

 

It doesn't end at zero

Edited November 2, 2021 by getofflex

[siderale]

Not much changes from last time. I have days where I feel super stressed for seemingly no reason, I can feel it physically (heartbeat/sweating). I feel a bit off and sensitive, and I tend to have short nights, my main problem being falling asleep that can take HOURS especially if I go "I absolutely have to sleep!" then it has the opposite effect... So I try not to expect anything and just go with the flow. I've learnt that if it takes me 40+ mins before falling asleep then I can turn back the light on and read a bit instead of stressing about every second of sleep lost.

 

I have some days, or couple of hours in a day, where I feel actually bad - sad, stressed, pessimistic about everything. It makes me want to stop and take care of myself, which I do as much as I can within my schedule. I haven't felt really joyful in some time, but I know it'll come back. Overall, it's like my baseline is feeling meh.

I am thinking it is mostly due to my schedule uncertainty about my future, and lack of sunlight!!

 

Studies are keeping me very very busy. I'm "almost" overworked but not yet so I try to keep a decent rhythm in order not to actually *be* overworked.

I wanted to take some vitamins/supplements that I always take during the winter but they are out of stock everywhere, and I cannot find any with a similar composition. I hope I find some, I could really use their slight energy boost.

 

On 11/2/2021 at 11:43 PM, getofflex said:

 I'm also affected by MSG, some vaccines (Shingrix was bad, J & J COVID19 was no problem), severe stress, too much stimulation in one day, or severe weather (thunderstorms).   Here is a thread about that: 

 

It doesn't end at zero

I can definitely understand this, yes. Everyone has their factors, for example I was able to go back to drinking coffee (but I stick to a low dose !) because it is part of my routine and is comfort to me - I truly have no problems with it, same with my diet, it is mostly unchanged and I still have my sweet tooth. Meanwhile it seems that everyday stress piling up & hormonal changes during the month affect my mood a whole lot more than it used to. The post was an interesting read. Thank you.

 

[Erell]

Hello @siderale,

 

"Overall, it's like my baseline is feeling meh" :

I have the impression that many people report this feeling after having overcome the roller coaster of early WD.

Which seems completely normal to me: your body went through so much chaos this year, I'm not surprised that it needs time to recharge its batteries and reboot.

And it's the perfect season to take a break and slow down 😉

 

Congratulations on all your progress, keep taking good care of yourself ❤

[Memphisto]

Hello siderale,

 

thank you so much for checking in on my introduction and for your comforting words. In difficult hours this can really help to know there are other people out there who are suffering or have suffered in the same way. 

 

I also read your new update. I think you are on a good path to healing overall. Remembering your first posts here, it seems that you are better able to live your life today and are better equipped to handle your tasks. I admire your strong optimistic attitude. I should have more of that too. It works well for me on days like today when I go through the day without fear. But on difficult days, it's always a struggle. 

 

I can confirm that I too can't remember the last time I was really happy about something. Since I've been put on ADs, the joy of life or joy in general has been very muted. I am often already happy when I am not tormented by this feeling of anxiety. But being happy about things or situations is hard for me. I think that only gradually returns when I am free of ADs. I am convinced that this condition is not permanent for you. 

Possibly it is something we need to learn and experience again....

 

I wish you all the best and further recovery.

 

Warmest regards to France

 

[siderale]

Thank you both. @Memphisto I can definitely see how far I've come and it is very reassuring. I was told that when our emotions come back, the negative ones tend to be the easiest & the first to make a comeback but bear in mind that you'll feel elation again, bit by bit. Healing is a long road but you'll get there, all of us will, we can only move forward! Sending strength to you. I also hope @Erell you are doing alright and are also taking good care of yourself. I think I recall seeing about this baseline of feeling pretty "meh" for a while on other topics. It goes without saying that it's of course better than to deal with extreme mood swings, I still have mood swings but they are far from the ones I had in the past 8 months!

 

... Making me realise today is 8 months and 2 days off. Still feeling that I'm mostly over it even though I'm not shielded from an eventual late-breaking wave.

 

I have been dealing with a new problem the past month or so however, struggling to fall asleep, either taking 2-3 hours or having full-blown insomnia despite not being particularly anxious. This never happened to me before and wasn't an issue in WD or with meds either. It's starting to exhaust me as I have very busy days and so I think I will try melatonin (low dose) see if it helps, because this chronic lack of sleep is starting to show its effects and I wouldn't want it to bring a wave forward.

[Greatful]

@siderale

This is great to hear.... Healing is possible for us all.❤️

 

[siderale]

My sleep has honestly never been so bad! I have no idea if it is caused by withdrawal. Melatonin 1mg hasn't helped so far (in France you can only get melatonin OTC <2mg). Since it's been more than 1 month I struggle to fall asleep, I think I now worsen everything by stressing about sleeping as soon as I am in bed. I try relaxation but you all know how much stronger a stressed brain can be!

 

I believe this is caused by underlying stress of my semester, probably worsened as I am probably still very sensitive due to WD. I am confident that my sleep will return to normal at one point but I hope it is fast, I have always been a fairly good sleeper and it is taking a toll on me to alternate 6-7 hours nights and 3 hours, when I know I need 8 !!

[Jadenatalie]

10 minutes ago, siderale said:

My sleep has honestly never been so bad! I have no idea if it is caused by withdrawal. Melatonin 1mg hasn't helped so far (in France you can only get melatonin OTC <2mg). Since it's been more than 1 month I struggle to fall asleep, I think I now worsen everything by stressing about sleeping as soon as I am in bed. I try relaxation but you all know how much stronger a stressed brain can be!

 

I believe this is caused by underlying stress of my semester, probably worsened as I am probably still very sensitive due to WD. I am confident that my sleep will return to normal at one point but I hope it is fast, I have always been a fairly good sleeper and it is taking a toll on me to alternate 6-7 hours nights and 3 hours, when I know I need 8 !!

@siderale you are not alone! My sleep has never been this bad or this irratic! I do believe its withdrawal related, insomnia seems to be one of the biggest withdrawal symptoms reported by people. I sometimes struggle to get to sleep, but mostly i struggle to STAY asleep, once i wake up at 2am/3am/4am etc im awake for the day then. absolutely exhausting. It gets to a point after about a week where i'm utterly exhausted and then i have a 7/8 hour sleep. But its bad at the moment! I tried melatonin 3mg and it did nothing for me! x

[Urchinowl]

2 hours ago, siderale said:

My sleep has honestly never been so bad! I have no idea if it is caused by withdrawal. Melatonin 1mg hasn't helped so far (in France you can only get melatonin OTC <2mg). Since it's been more than 1 month I struggle to fall asleep, I think I now worsen everything by stressing about sleeping as soon as I am in bed. I try relaxation but you all know how much stronger a stressed brain can be!

 

I believe this is caused by underlying stress of my semester, probably worsened as I am probably still very sensitive due to WD. I am confident that my sleep will return to normal at one point but I hope it is fast, I have always been a fairly good sleeper and it is taking a toll on me to alternate 6-7 hours nights and 3 hours, when I know I need 8 !!

 

So this was one of the biggest issues I had when I stopped. I had never dealt with insomnia before and had many absolutely sleepless nights even though I wasn't even anxious.

 

Things that helped:

--If I couldn't sleep in bed, after an hour of tossing I'd go to another room. Usually to the couch and read for a bit and try to sleep there. 

--if I couldn't sleep on the couch, I'd lay on the floor. I know this sounds super super weird, but honestly for some weird reason sometimes sleeping on the floor helped me fall asleep. I think it's the grounding of it.

--mindfulness audios before sleeping. I'd put my headphones in and listen to meditations specifically designed for insomnia. I can't talk enough about the app DARE they had phenomenal meditations on insomnia and acceptance.

--be careful with your dose of melatonin, I believe there's an article somewhere here about dosing...taking 1mg was too much for me and had an opposite effect. So I switched to .5 and that seemed to be better. Your dose could be too high

--the number one thing that helped me was acceptance. Totally accepting the insomnia. Looking at it from the perspective of, "well if I'm not going to sleep at least I get to meditate and get more in touch with myself." Reminding myself that I'm capable of more then I think (I honestly did not think I would be able to function on 0 sleep but surprisingly I could). I'm not sure ifnanyone has ever died from insomnia, but I don't know of anyone. I believe if you can truly accept it without resisting or changing or being anxious about it, you'll no longer suffer or be stressed. And less suffering stress means better sleep as a side effect. And I feel this truly was what helped me above all. 

 

This too shall pass!

[Memphisto]

siderale, i am very sorry that you are having major problems with falling asleep. i agree with you that it may well be due to the stress of the semester. 

 

i don't know exactly what your physical activities are like during the day when they have to study a lot for the semester. a colleague of mine who is not experiencing withdrawal has also recently been having trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. she often wakes up in the after between 2am and 4am and then lies awake for a long time. she now goes swimming three times a week after work (80 x 25 m lanes). she told me that she has no sleep problems on the three days she goes swimming. i think she is missing some of the physical activity. Maybe this would be something for you too siderale. 

 

[siderale]

Thank you all for your inputs!

@Jadenatalie  You are dealing with so much stuff, I hope it improves soon. Like you said, one 7-8hjr night of sleep isn't "enough" to fix a week of undersleeping. Let's hope it improves soon for both of us, we deserve our full nights of rest!

 

@Urchinowl Thanks so much for those pieces of advice. Sadly I live in a very very small flat, I only have my bed and my desk, no extra furniture 😆 I was however thinking about eventually switching where my feet and my head are in my bed! And I still have the floor option indeed, even though with my terrible scoliosis I'm afraid it would turn out to be painful! Sleeping anywhere else than in a bed tends to hurt.

As for melatonin I actually started out with 0.5mg but it didn't do anything. I will continue a bit with 1mg and then try to decrease/increase if nothing changes, see if I am even sensitive to it.

I am slowly working on acceptance of said insomnia. Like you said, I believe it is the best approach, especially when nothing else helps. Last night I literally went "damn I feel extremely comfy, that at least feels good" haha. I ought to try guided meditations. I remember you talking about DARE, I might finally give it a go! Thanks a lot for your lovely encouragements. I hope you are doing alright.

 

@Memphisto, good piece of advice as well! I am quite active, especially since WD kicks me less in the butt, I am able to exercise almost every day although it's not like swimming for sure. I also walk A LOT every day. I sadly doubt that more activity would help. I'll see how this all changes, I used to be a horse rider and I miss this physical activity a lot, I just lacked time/money so now I work out at home. But it is not the same for sure.

[siderale]

Hey all, coming around for an update:

 

My sleep is better, still not quite there yet but it's not insomnia anymore, I don't know if it's thanks fo melatonin (1mg every night) or just that things come and go and insomnia can indeed come and go. I'll continue taking melatonin until the end of this semester anyways, it is incredibly busy. I am still so tired and almost overworked, but hanging there. My part-time job is getting super busy, it is related to covid and cases are skyrocketing. It is very concerning.

 

Still wouldn't consider myself going through any major wave for months now. Crossing fingers it continues like this, even though I have stressful moments that I feel affect me more than if I was 100% healthy/hadn't gone through WD  (I would call them "small waves") but it's manageable.

My appetite is going strong (and given my life rhythm, thank god it is!) and I have in total put back half of the weight I lost in WD which is encouraging.

 

Wishing you all a good day or night, I hope healing is coming your way too ♥

 

[siderale]

I should add as well the remaining "symptoms" that I still attribute to WD and that I still experience. It is to note that these are super minor, and past me from this topic would not have believed I would "only" experience this now :

 

- I sometimes get derealisation (it is the term that my psychiatrist used uponhearing me describe it). It doesn't seem to be set off by stress, I just sometimes feel off, lightheaded, not grounded in the present world. It's very weird but it's not making me panic like it used to because it usually goes away after one day, and I am still functional/able to go on with my day.

 

- When I have headaches, typically at the end of long work days, it is more localised around my eye where I got 2 months long photophobia. Each time I get scared the photophobia will come back but I believe it is gone for good (it was so weird!). It's as if my "normal" headaches after long days changed position in my head. It's not more annoying than before WD, just something that I noticed had changed in WD.

 

- Ringing ears! Randomly through the day my ears will ring for a few seconds, it is a normal thing (happens I believe when your blood pressure drops, stuff like this) but I did notice it was more frequent. If I get dizzy I sit down, but I rarely need to.

[siderale]

Another short update (I really use this topic as my own journal for updates, I apologise if my many posts are annoying!)

 

Sort of a confirmation that I do believe my menstrual cycle (PMS and first days of periods) precipitates waves. Either this, or I just am now very sensitive to mood changes... i'd like to think it's WD or related to it because it would be very difficult to manage this every month if it is now my normal self. I have hopes that I will still continue to heal and reach "myself" from when I was on meds (I didn't feel numbed down, I was just functional and confident)
 

I've been derealising quite a bit, experiencing anguish and having irregular heartbeat these past days which is scary because I get thoughts like "I'm so anxious, is this a relapse ? Will I end up needing medication again?" although I also realise those are mood swings and I sometimes feel lighter during the day. I always stop and take a deep breath to appreciate those moments of pure relief. 

Been having a couple of digestive issues and bloating (which is quite new) which makes me a bit concerned, might so see my GP if it remains annoying through this month again. I am *almost* overworked as well and this is really tiring me out, but things should be easier in two weeks once this semester is over. I'll go on holidays with my parents in the countryside and I cannot wait: I am a nature lover and I need my nature fix !!

[siderale]

Sorry for the 4th post in a row! I am really own very own lab rat as I observe myself going through all of this 😅

As I approach the 9-month off mark, I believe I am in the first "actual" wave since months. It's hard not to despair as I was feeling so stable since september.

 

I can't help but wonder if this is a WD wave, or a relapse of my previous state to be honest.

My appetite has been gone for 2 days (the most blatant symptom of a wave in my experience), I have cold sweats + dizziness/ derealisation, A LOT of intrusive thoughts, and trouble falling asleep again despite melatonin, although I believe it helps a bit now.

I do have stress piling up for the end of this semester, but I am surprised as the major stresses from sept-oct did not induce such a wave. But alas! if it is WD, it is unpredictable, I know this.

 

I'll ride the wave, and I am crossing fingers it is indeed WD - meaning that I won't have to experience this every few weeks. I just hope it is WD and not my new "normal reaction" to stress, which was only this bad before therapy and meds.

[ChessieCat]

On 12/4/2021 at 6:18 AM, siderale said:

I really use this topic as my own journal for updates

 

That's one of the purposes of the Introduction topic.

[Memphisto]

hello siderals,

 

I also believe it's just a wave. my windows aren't as big as yours yet. but I have also found that I can deal with stress very well on many days at the window. and then days later another wave day comes over me. I have a different pattern so far. my waves always seem to be like this for a day or two. maybe it is also my wave if I wake up fearful every second or third day for a week or two and then the fear lasts until noon or afternoon.

 

I do believe that stress is one of the causes of our waves. the waves may then come with a time delay. that's why drr withdrawal is so unpredictable.

 

when I read your lines like this and think of your first few posts, I find that you are much stronger. you sound so full of optimism. I think it is more difficult for you on some days today, but overall you seem to have come a long way. you will probably feel better after this wave than before.

 

I keep my fingers crossed for you that it is only a short wave, like an echo of past wave days.

 

hang in there 🌄

[Jadenatalie]

@siderale i think its 100% a wave, let it do its thing and you keep doing what you have been! You're doing amazing. Plus, it's still early days with regards to withdrawal recovery, and you're already doing fantastic! xx

[Erell]

Hello @siderale, 

 

I wouldn't presume to be able to determine 100% what is going on, but reading your message I have no doubt that it is probably a wave due to WD.
It seems that waves can strike overnight without warning and call into question all past progress.
But your progress hasn't gone away, all the healing work your body has been working hard to do hasn't gone away. Maybe there were just a few more adjustments to be made... I see so many people testifying to a better baseline after unexpected waves ❤️
Remember, one step forward, two steps back, then two steps forward, two steps back, then two steps forward, one step back...

 

And then, this time of the year is often trying and wearing for many people, so imagine what it's like for a nervous system working hard to repair itself. 

People often say that in WD we need to treat our nervous systems like babies, babies that need lots of rest and loving attention

 

Congratulations on everything you've already accomplished, I hope the Christmas period will bring you some rest, maybe you even have a vacation?
Take care ❤️ 

 

 

[getofflex]

Like Mephisto says, stress can exacerbate withdrawal.  And, yes, as Erell says, this can be a challenging time of the year.  

 

It Doesn't End at Zero

 

Waves are temporary, and it means that your brain is making further adjustments to live off of psych meds.  Try reading some success stories for encouragement - they can help you to keep it in perspective.  

[siderale]

9 months off today!

I don't want to @ every single one of you and clog up your notifications, especially the moderators because you guys must be busy, and I can't thank you enough for passing by and helping all of this community. I greatly appreciate you passing by to reassure me.

 

Dear @Erell, you always have such good words to approach and rationalise WD despite being well through it yourself. Your words helped me settle what I was trying to convince myself of (for I know it's true, but alas, during the bad days, you know how it is..)

@Jadenatalie Happy 9 months off to you! And much like you say in your own, I also look forwards to the 1-year milestone. We're getting there!

@Memphisto I relate a lot to the days getting usually better in the afternoon, it seems that I have one half of the day where I feel really bad and the other is better. Reminds me of early withdrawal days (with much less intensity of course) where things always felt better in the evening. Thanks so much for your message, it's always grounding to read and it is super encouraging that the improvement is "readable" through the evolution of my posts. I hope you're doing okay and that your waves will keep getting shorter and rarer like mine did!

 

I believe my wave (in hindsight I wasn't sure but I def think it is/was one now) is subsiding. Had a couple rough days before and after my last post here, now things are getting better.

Mostly, the dizziness has stopped which is very reassuring, it was the worst. Stress is there in the morning, then wears off, sometimes comes back in the afternoon.

These past days I've got a weird feeling, as if my left eye was swollen but it looks normal as ever. I don't particularly suspect WD, I believe it might be ocular fatigue as I've been working extra hard both at work and for my studies and I could have been sleeping better. Had insomnia again 2 days ago but I deal with it much better now, accepting it despite the frustration and tiredness instead of stressing about it. I have  a holiday break very soon and I cannot wait !!

 

 

[Jadenatalie]

13 hours ago, siderale said:

9 months off today!

I don't want to @ every single one of you and clog up your notifications, especially the moderators because you guys must be busy, and I can't thank you enough for passing by and helping all of this community. I greatly appreciate you passing by to reassure me.

 

Dear @Erell, you always have such good words to approach and rationalise WD despite being well through it yourself. Your words helped me settle what I was trying to convince myself of (for I know it's true, but alas, during the bad days, you know how it is..)

@Jadenatalie Happy 9 months off to you! And much like you say in your own, I also look forwards to the 1-year milestone. We're getting there!

@Memphisto I relate a lot to the days getting usually better in the afternoon, it seems that I have one half of the day where I feel really bad and the other is better. Reminds me of early withdrawal days (with much less intensity of course) where things always felt better in the evening. Thanks so much for your message, it's always grounding to read and it is super encouraging that the improvement is "readable" through the evolution of my posts. I hope you're doing okay and that your waves will keep getting shorter and rarer like mine did!

 

I believe my wave (in hindsight I wasn't sure but I def think it is/was one now) is subsiding. Had a couple rough days before and after my last post here, now things are getting better.

Mostly, the dizziness has stopped which is very reassuring, it was the worst. Stress is there in the morning, then wears off, sometimes comes back in the afternoon.

These past days I've got a weird feeling, as if my left eye was swollen but it looks normal as ever. I don't particularly suspect WD, I believe it might be ocular fatigue as I've been working extra hard both at work and for my studies and I could have been sleeping better. Had insomnia again 2 days ago but I deal with it much better now, accepting it despite the frustration and tiredness instead of stressing about it. I have  a holiday break very soon and I cannot wait !!

 

 

@siderale thank you! Happy 9 months to you too!!  I knew it was a wave, you are so strong for pushing through it! I'm glad its subsiding! Oh the eye thing will most likely be fatigue related! plus you've had head scans very recently havent you? Yes the insomnia still comes and goes for me too. i seem to be in a better patch at the moment where im getting much more sleep THANKFULLY! but on nights i dont sleep much, i dont fret anymore because it always goes back to some kind of normality eventually!

 

If i ever come to France in the future we will have to meet up! ha ha xx

[siderale]

54 minutes ago, Jadenatalie said:

plus you've had head scans very recently havent you?

Yes! Not gonna lie as soon as I had this weird feeling my health anxiety obvs ramped up and then I was just "oh come on you literally had a clear brain MRI 3 months ago" 😂 nothing can really settle an anxious mind! It's alright though, "this too shall pass"!

 

And yes I'd love to see you if you ever visit France! I live in the south though, sadly overlooked as a "tourist destination" yet we do have some beautiful hikes!!

[ThatOneGirlStitch]

Just read your thread. I’m very excited to see you are able to put on weight. It is something I struggle with as well. Coconut oil in everything! Hope you enjoy your holiday break.

[siderale]

Hey there @ThatOneGirlStitch! I think I read your thread a few times. My appetite is back which helps a lot obviously, but it's still painfully slow, even trying to increase my calorie intake! I don't want to fixate too much on it and I try to just "accept" it but I know it's easier said than done. I hope you can at least say to yourself that you eat a minimum to remain fairly healthy. Putting back weight will come as healing comes I'm sure.

 

As for me I am indeed enjoying my holiday break. I'd consider myself in a window these past 4-5 days: I'd say I have no symptoms (I monitor them, I have this huuuuge list of all that I've experienced and when they come back, it helps me remind myself that they come and go - emphasis on go, no matter how long it takes!)

I also sleep quite well. I do feel tired during the day and take ages to feel "awake" but I believe it's *also* the holiday mood.

 

[siderale]

A little update, 1h30 before 2022 for me! I am spending this weekend with my parents, at home. The three of us are introverts and not big into celebrations, but that is alright by me, I've been quite sick (my period, again!) and I do appreciate the calm.

 

My holiday break is coming to an end and it really felt like a holiday break, which I really needed. I still consider myself in a window. Absolutely zero symptoms I can attribute to WD the past couple of days - I just felt normal and that alone shows me that healing happens because I feel like my normal self. My period has been really weird for the past 3 cycles, with a lot of bloating I never had to deal with before, but I tend to think it's just life/my menstrual cycle changing despite it being very very annoying. I have no idea to be honest.

 

After my previous update I actually had a few days with strange dizzy spells and cold sweats/palpitation, akin to very sudden panic attacks which was weird, but each time it happened I was able to calm it down by rationalising it (it's anxiety, I'm alright, I take some deep breaths). I had like 1-2 per day for a few days and it wore off. Strange but not the strangest I have experienced this year obviously lol. I'm glad I'm able to sit back and not panic when this happens.

 

What a wild ride 2021 has been. I would never have expected to go through WD, let alone for it to be so strange and hard to go through. Here's to a better 2022, for all of us! 🌞

[Phoenixmama]

Happy new year 🎊 

[Greatful]

@siderale

Hi there, looks like you are doing very well.   Looking back to us this last summer and all the craziness has really calmed down for you.   

 

I think of you, when I get super sick to my stomach with nausea and no appetite.  It helps remind me that you went through a lot of weakness, fatigue and weight loss too and have come out on the other side.   I hope it get's better like yours did.

 

It is funny you mentioned your left eye felt swollen,  I'm having it right now too. I also feel like I am going to start drooling out the left side of my mouth  lol  I have some facial numbness too.  lol

The good old funny face feeling.  It comes and goes just like everything else.

 

We will all be looking forward to a healing and  a better year 2022❤️

[siderale]

3 days ago was the 10-month mark off medication for me. It seems so unreal, all that I've been through with WD (let alone what other people go through, I am acutely aware I had it easy). I was a bit scared as I saw the months pass, because when I first took antidepressants and stopped them, I had a relapse (it wasn't withdrawal, I'm sure of it, it was really my OCD coming back) after 8 months, but now with the therapy I followed while I was on the meds I feel so much stronger.

 

It's been 1-2 weeks I have had zero of the remaining WD symptoms I had, that were/are lingering .

No panic attacks, no insomnia, no weird physical feelings (I had a lot of face numbness/tingling and localised headaches, pressure feelings, heat rushes in my left leg), no cold sweats... I have some issues with my menstrual cycle but I'm seeing my doctor for it soon and I'm fairly sure it's not WD. I am aware they may come back but I feel at peace with it should it happen (easy to say in a window, but...)

 

I feel ... Normal? Albeit a bit tired, but that's winter for me. And it's an incredible feeling as I look back and remember just how bad, weird or profoundly off I have been feeling for 8 months, from dawn to dusk with little to no breaks, symptoms coming back and forth.

The 1-year mark is approaching, and I honestly cannot wait, because I want to write my success story, even though, again, I am aware I got lucky. I want to give hope to others, much like the success stories did for me.

[Phoenixmama]

@siderale ❤️🌞

[siderale]

I feel stabler than ever (does this word even exist?!) which is very reassuring in proving me that I am either already recovered, or on the right way to be. I just go with the flow, if a late wave hits it will hit.

 

It's been 1 week I started having trouble sleeping again. I am thinking it is because I am extremely busy with two jobs and a thesis (plus my hobbies that I know I need to maintain in order to remain sane), weirdly enough the more I'm stimulated the less I find sleep. I just lie down in my bed, acutely aware of my fast heartbeat. But for now it's less worse than when I was having actual terrible insomnia 2 months ago. When I wan't find sleep, I don't make a big deal out of it. Acceptance it is. I just hope to find a balance to let go of some steam soon, I know it's important.

[ChessieCat]

25 minutes ago, siderale said:

I feel stabler than ever (does this word even exist?!)

 

FYI - more stable 😉

 

Sounds like you are improving which is good news.

 

27 minutes ago, siderale said:

It's been 1 week I started having trouble sleeping again. I am thinking it is because I am extremely busy with two jobs and a thesis

 

Even "normal" people (ie people not taking AD and/or tapering or recovering from ADs) can experience trouble sleeping when they are stressed.

[siderale]

7 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

more stable

... Makes sense! Thanks ChessieCat 😊

 

And yes, to me it just sounds like real life stress that people go through. I know it'll get better at one point and I don't seem to have any reason to think it is, in my case currently, still withdrawal. So it's encouraging. I'll keep documenting and cross fingers that on march 13th I can post my success story feeling sure of myself.

[Jadenatalie]

50 minutes ago, siderale said:

I feel stabler than ever (does this word even exist?!) which is very reassuring in proving me that I am either already recovered, or on the right way to be. I just go with the flow, if a late wave hits it will hit.

 

It's been 1 week I started having trouble sleeping again. I am thinking it is because I am extremely busy with two jobs and a thesis (plus my hobbies that I know I need to maintain in order to remain sane), weirdly enough the more I'm stimulated the less I find sleep. I just lie down in my bed, acutely aware of my fast heartbeat. But for now it's less worse than when I was having actual terrible insomnia 2 months ago. When I wan't find sleep, I don't make a big deal out of it. Acceptance it is. I just hope to find a balance to let go of some steam soon, I know it's important.

@siderale this is so fantastic to read!!!!!!! i also cannot wait to read your success story in March!  xx