Paras: feeling hopeless after reinstatement did not work

[Paras]

Original topic title:  Reinstated dose didn't work, Tried increasing - Kindling reaction. Decreased again, feeling HOPELESS. Protracted Withdrawal

 

I was on 10 mg / 20 MG Escitalopram for 2 years.

 

On 8th January 2021 I went to 5 MG from 7.5 mg, After 3 weeks bad Withdrawal Symptoms started. Went to doctor he prescribed me Etilaam 1.5 MG ( similar benzo to help with symptoms) took it for one month, it helped somewhat. After one month, he told me to stop and i had unbearable anxiety and other symptoms.

 

Went to doctor, he told me to get back at 10 MG, beyond the original dose. He said it's not obvious that everyone can make it.

 

Took 10 MG for a week, felt like robot. Dead emotions, no sense of joy. Switched to 7.5 mg after a week of 10 mg. And then after taking 7.5 mg, took 6.25 MG the next day and stayed on it for 15 days until 2 April 2021.

 

I was doing good with 6.25 MG until Protracted Withdrawal started.

 

2 April 2021 - Severe withdrawal symptoms started. Next day went to 7 MG, had Dissociation and Derealization. didn't help.

 

4 April 2021 - Went to 7.5 MG, started having anhedonia and depression. Sad for no reason, crying and crying. Didn't help either, and i had sensitive nervous system. Alerting symptoms of anxiety, panic, sleeplessness.

I thought increasing the dose will help *

 

7th April went to 10 MG

Anhedonia and depression increased, severe Derealization and Dissociation. Sad for no reason, crying again.

 

8th April went back to 7 MG again and now I'm staying on 7 MG for 4 months no matter what. But I still have all the symptoms, and my anxiety has increased a lot.

I feel I am trapped here forever.

 

* Please, A valuable reply is much appreciated *

 

My current symptoms are - 

 

Dissociation, - Memory disruption, zoning out every 5 seconds *feels like brain traveling around places and unstable af* weird thoughts disorder, Depersonalization, Derealization, Muscle Spasms, Shaking, Head Tremor, Anxiety, Agitation, Nausea and Extreme nervousness, Dizziness, Vertigo, Balance Problems, Can't walk properly, Acid reflux, IBS, Bloating, Severe brain fog, Sinusitis, Chills, Sweating, Can't stop crying, Sad for no reason, Severe Depression, Burning Sensations all over the body and head, Chronic Paresthesia, Feeling that I'm trapped forever, Visual Problems - Shimmering of lights, zig zag lines, eye floaters, weird visual color patterns - can't explain.

AND MUCH MORE. 

This is literally mental torture.

 

 

Edited April 11, 2021 by ChessieCat
added orig topic title before changing Intro title

[Altostrata]

Welcome, @Paras

 

What time of day do you take 7mg escitalopram? How do you feel before and after you take it?

 

To help us out, follow these instructions Please put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature You may need to use a computer to do this.

[Paras]

Hey @Altostrata Thanks for taking the time to guide me. I take exactly at 4:30 PM. I'm on 7 MG Nexito ( Escitalopram ) since 7 days now. It's like my brain is constantly undergoing a lot of changes. And I experience a lot of WAVES and Windows, but apparently something slightly has improved after reducing the dose from 10 MG. My depression, hopelessness, and symptoms of Hypersensitivity reaction after taking Nexito have kinda decreased. 

 

After I take Nexito 7 MG. Within 15 minutes, I see some changes. Sometimes they are very noticeable, sometimes i don't feel them much. Sometimes I get very bad nausea and burning sensation in my head. Sometimes I feel OK. But I start experiencing waves of symptoms within few hours, and sometimes they are worse than ever, and sometimes I start feeling better, like better than before.

 

The main symptoms that are concerning me right now are - 

 

*DISSOCIATION, world almost constantly feel like a dream and my mind is making up thoughts on its own which feels very real in my present situation / reality.

DERSONALIZATION, DEREALIZATION AND VISUAL DISTURBANCES. 

 

 

 

[Demi918]

Hi @Paras,

I have similar symptoms except I took my last dose on 4th march 2021, realized it was fast taper (almost cold turkey).

I have reinstate 1 mg Escitalopram back on 31st March 2021. I am felling like zombie ever since then. I am not an expert like most of the Moderators and Members here. But, What I have understood is that our brain needs a stability. if you would switched back and forth doses will not help you. would have to wait for few weeks to months before your brain gets stable to one dose. listen to moderators and listen to your body. hope you feel better soon. 

[Altostrata]

On 4/13/2021 at 4:39 PM, Paras said:

The main symptoms that are concerning me right now are - 

 

*DISSOCIATION, world almost constantly feel like a dream and my mind is making up thoughts on its own which feels very real in my present situation / reality.

DERSONALIZATION, DEREALIZATION AND VISUAL DISTURBANCES. 

 

These symptoms may take some time to fade.

 

Please continue to take 7mg at the same time each day and observe your symptoms. You may still be stabilizing on 7mg. Let us know of any significant changes.

[Paras]

@Altostrata It's been 10 days since consistent dosing of 7 MG. The only thing that improved has anhedonia, depression, and hopelessness a bit. How long can it take for the Reinstatement to eliminate the withdrawal symptoms or at least stabilize? 

 

Like, I still have almost all the symptoms and sometimes symptoms are unpredictable and so awful. 

 

Again, the main symptom that is concerning me is

*PERSISTENT DISSOCIATION*

 

 

It's very hard for me to explain. 

Like, when I see my mom, or someone else.. after a second or so, her image is visualized by my mind on its own, sometimes in a different manner, and it's interrupting my reality and I'm not aware of the present situation in a normal manner. 

 

Like, if i see a chair, my mind will visualize things on its own as if My mom is sitting on the chair. I know she isn't, I don't even feel it, it's just a chair what all i see, but the mind keep making things up which feels so real and just disrupts my awareness. 

 

It's like Intrusive Images are playing in my mind like mini movies constantly. 

 

And sometimes I feel like I'm observing myself from outside. 

 

Do people experience these type of symptoms, or is it just me going way too crazy? 

 

It's almost happening every 5 seconds or so. It's scaring me so much, as if i have developed some severe disorder or something. I know it will pass away, but sometimes it comes with so much intensity my heart just sinks and i think I'll lose my mind. 

[Paras]

@Demi918 I completely agree with you. Changing the doses up and down made my withdrawal symptoms worse. I have understood it will take time, brain needs stability. I'm gonna stay on 7mg for a long time now, maybe 3-4 months. 

[Demi918]

20 hours ago, Paras said:

I completely agree with you. Changing the doses up and down made my withdrawal symptoms worse. I have understood it will take time, brain needs stability. I'm gonna stay on 7mg for a long time now, maybe 3-4 months.

@Paras I am in the same boat and staying at 1 mg Escitalopram gives me hope that I will be alright in near future. I see light. Hanging there brother!

Sending prayers.!!

[Altostrata]

On 4/17/2021 at 1:39 PM, Paras said:

 It's been 10 days since consistent dosing of 7 MG. The only thing that improved has anhedonia, depression, and hopelessness a bit.

 

That is a good sign. It may take some time for disassociation to fade.

 

I see you also recently went off clonazepam and pregabalin. Withdrawal from these can contribute to your current symptoms. What is Etilaam CR?

[Paras]

@Altostrata My doctor told me to quit 0.25 mg clonazepam without tapering. He says withdrawal doesnt happen at low doses and laughed when i asked to taper. I had some of the withdrawal symptoms but they were not too severe or too much bothersome. 

 

I took Pregabalin 75 MG only for 2 weeks. No withdrawal from it.

 

Etilaam CR is ( Etizolam Controlled Release Tablets ) Similar to Benzos. I was prescribed 1.5 mg etilaam when i lowered the dose of escitalopram to 5 mg.

 

Again he told me to cold turkey Etila after 1 month and i had unbearable anxiety and agitation. I was left with Escitalopram 5 MG.

 

He says its happening because of lowering the dose of Escitalopram. Also he says, "It's not obvious that everyone can make it" And told me to get back at 10 Mg (Beyond original dose)

 

So right now i can say, I'm suffering from Protracted Withdrawal Syndrome from Escitalopram.

PS. I changed my doses up and down way too frequently which caused nervous system destabilisation.

[Altostrata]

It is very possible you have benzo withdrawal syndrome as well, having taking one or another benzo for 2 months. When you went off etizolam, you had clear withdrawal symptoms. These may not have resolved. Increasing escitalopram is not going to help benzo withdrawal. You would need to reinstate a bit of clonazepam, perhaps 0.05mg, probably.

[Paras]

@AltostrataI have been on clonazepam since more than 2 years daily, really sorry i didn't mention it. 

 

Since I started escitalopram, i was prescribed 0.5 mg clonazepam at night for sleep and panic. 

 

I think my doctor completely messed me up, he said, there's no such thing as withdrawal at low doses or when used for short period. 

 

If I'm suffering from benzo withdrawal as well, I'm not gonna reinstate any benzo. I believe reinstating benzo would be like putting my brain back at danger zone. I don't want to risk it at all. 

 

But I have somewhat observed, that antidepressant withdrawal syndrome is causing me much more trouble than of benzo withdrawal syndrome. Yeah, benzo might have amplified the withdrawal syndrome of antidepressant but I feel i can slightly differentiate between the benzo wd symptoms and antidepressant wd symptoms. 

 

I think I'll just wait on Escitalopram 7 mg for 4-6 months and wait and see if withdrawals are gone. 

 

But, as I have increased my Escitalopram, would it eliminate the withdrawal symptoms caused by it sooner or later? Or the withdrawals will be still there? (excluding benzo) 

[Altostrata]

 

Quote

 

18 Feb 2021 -  Nexito 5 MG, Etilaam 1.5 CR, Clonazepam Stopped. 

4 March 2021 - Nexito 10 MG, Pregabalin-NT 75/10 MG, Etilaam CR Stopped

 

 

 

From your signature. Did you stop clonazepam Feb 18 and etizolam March 4? If so, it's highly likely you have benzo withdrawal syndrome, maybe alone or with escitalopram withdrawal. This probably is why you didn't find reinstating escitalopram reduced your symptoms.

[Paras]

@AltostrataI have increased my dose to 7.5 MG today. Just after 15 minutes of taking it, I felt as if huge changes were going on in my brain. I couldn't tell if they were a good sign or bad sign. 

 

But it's been 6 hours since then, and I'm still experiencing some changes. It's like my vision clarity has improved a bit and brain fog has decreased very little. But again I'm not sure if that's a good sign or not because I have hyper-reactivity / alerting symptoms after increasing as well, Sleeplessness, panic, anxiety and burning sensation all over head. 

 

Also I think I'm suffering from escitalopram withdrawal much more because just after increasing the dose i felt alot of changes in my body and brain. 

 

I think I didn't give enough time for 7.5 mg to stabilize. I had hyper reactive symptoms before too but no adverse reaction i think. 

 

Things went worse when i increased to 10 mg. then i had super hypersensitivity and alerting symptoms. ( because 10 mg was beyond original dose ) but still no outsized adverse reaction. 

 

I think i should've gotten back to 7.5 mg back then and wait for a week or so, because it is my original dose. I believe 7 mg didn't work for me because of severe destabilization. 

 

Is stabilizing on 7.5 mg and observing the symptoms for one week a good idea? Because I really don't want to reinstate any benzo. 

[Altostrata]

It will take at least 4 days for a dosage change to fully take effect. Please let us know how you're doing.

[Paras]

@AltostrataIt's day 3 since 7.5 MG. I'm currently experiencing the worst and most horrifying wave ever.

 

But, soon after the intense wave I have felt Windows. I see light, I have hope.

 

My vision clarity has improved, brain fog has slightly decreased.

 

But I'm completely absorbed in my thoughts. Complete DISSOCIATION ABSORPTION when the intense wave kicks in. It's like my mind is wandering every second and sometimes i have a very intense feeling I'm gonna fall off the cliff. 

I have so vivid thoughts / imagination playing in my mind like literally every second, and sometimes it just makes me nauseous and nervous as hell

 

But I'm not gonna lie, I have also felt windows. Like 30% maybe, I have hope that it can get better. But I'm also experiencing the worst wave EVER. 

[Yesyes123]

Hey, it took me about 3-4 months after reinstatement in the same dose of Escitalopram (15mg) to START to feel better. Now about 8 months later I don't have symptoms anymore.

[Paras]

@Yesyes123Hey, what were your symptoms? Did you have some of the same symptoms as mine? 

[Yesyes123]

9 hours ago, Paras said:

@Yesyes123Hey, what were your symptoms? Did you have some of the same symptoms as 

 

I definitely had similar symptoms

[Melaan]

Hey!

Are you OK now? I reinstated last Sunday (from 7mg to 7,5mg Mirt) and do feel very bad. Hope things ill get better soon. 

[Paras]

Hey @Melaan thanks for asking! To be honest though, I'm not doing well right now. It's like, I'm having new symptoms every day and sometimes i feel windows with little hope. But when the waves come, they bring in new symptoms, like very hard to explain it just feels like I have literally no control over my thoughts, imagination, perception.

 

9 days after reinstatement, right now I'm feeling very weird. Like, after reinstating, I'm experiencing new symptoms , I am not even sure if they are a sign of improvement or not. I think reinstatement can take time, maybe even a month or more. There's no easy way out I believe. Just time. People don't die or go crazy by withdrawals, they all heal with time. I have understood it can take much more time than any of us would like, but everyone heals, just time, no matter how intense and weird the symptoms are. 

 

I hope you get better soon! Sending you positive energy  

 

Speedy recovery!!! 

 

[Paras]

@Altostrata It's been day 12 since 7.5 MG.

 

Is it normal to feel worse before feeling better after reinstatement? 

 

I believe my symptoms are changing, fluctuating, and giving me very uneasy feeling at times when intense wave kicks in. Balance problems fluctuate veryy much.

 

But also I have felt a lot of windows in which I felt ill recover really soon.

 

My Depersonalization / Derealization gets worse at time. Currently my limbs feel they have shrunken, Weightless and they're not mine. And Like I said, I have no control over my thoughts. It's like my mind is auto generating thoughts every second and they feel almost very vivid, just like intrusive images playing in my Mind's screen? It's hard to explain. But I know they are all my thoughts, unreal & aimless and very far from my present reality, But I have no control over them. 

 

my behavior is completely normal, my parents say they don't even feel as if anything's wrong with me physically. 

 

Is that feeling completely normal after experiencing severe destabilizing? (The Intrusive and vivid thoughts happening almost every second) (concerning me the most)

 

I believe my nervous system is undergoing a lot of changes and trying to fix itself. 

 

In this situation, I really don't want to reinstate benzo. 

 

And also, If this is all Escitaloprám withdrawal, Is it possible that reinstatement can eliminate all the withdrawal symptoms caused by it sooner or later? Especially "Depersonalization / Derealization one? ( completely excluding benzo ) 

[Yesyes123]

I felt bad at first when reinstating and after a few months at the same dosage I slowly stabilized.

[Paras]

@Yesyes123 So, your withdrawal symptoms are completely gone now after reinstatement? and also, How long did it take for you to atleast feel little better after reinstating? 

[Melaan]

@Paras

@Yesyes123

@Altostrata

Especially in the morning I wake up with anxiety and sweaty feet. Does this go away when you stabilize? 

[Yesyes123]

5 hours ago, Paras said:

@Yesyes123 So, your withdrawal symptoms are completely gone now after reinstatement? and also, How long did it take for you to atleast feel little better after reinstating? 

 

Yes, thankfully my symptoms are 100% gone since a few months after reinstating and I have been doing amazing health wise.

 

I have been taking 2,000mg fish oil daily for the past 2 months or so and I think it played a HUGE role in my recovery. I also eat 3-6 boiled eggs daily.

 

Also, I strongly recommend eating 3-5 organic eggs DAILY (the kind that isn't mass produced and has more omega 3 and nutrients) + eating fish at least twice a week. 

 

Eggs are actually the second most nutritious food after mother's milk - some doctors say they can "raise cholesterol" or cause some harm but that's as much a myth as "chemical imbalance".  You can eat 10 eggs a day if you want. Or even more. (Look up DOCTOR LAIR RIBEIRO for more info).

 

I also pray whenever I remember to. I try to pray every night. Whether you believe or not, I am convinced praying has some actual effect in reality somehow. I am not sure about anything, God, spirits, etc... but I think praying works, and some of the smartest people I have ever known agree.

 

It took my about 3-4 months in the SAME DOSAGE to start to feel better. At first, reinstating made me feel suicidal and just terrible, but I stuck with it because I didn't know any better (ended up working great in the longer term). I only found SA when I was about 3 months into reinstatement and had just been prescribed a ton of other drugs (which THANK GOD I refused).

 

I am still extremely troubled from learning the terror that psychiatry truly is - a pseudoscience based on lies and misinformation ("chemical imbalance", drugs that "don't cause dependence", etc, etc, etc...)

 

But I can eat, sleep, function normally. I haven't been working in the past 8 months or so because thankfully I am able to just stop everything since I run my own business. But I could be working now if I needed to. I am using my time to run the Surviving Antidepressants Instagram mostly (instagram.com/survivingantidepressants)

 

@Melaan Morning terror/ anxiety/ doom is a common WD symptom. It definitely goes away, and it might go away faster than you might think.

[Yesyes123]

I have also seen people who found amazing success and saw their withdrawal symptoms diminish immensely with the "Plant Paradox Diet" by Dr. Gundry (google it)

 

This is a prayer I try to say every night

 

"Father Mother God, I ask for the highest Light of God to surround and fill and protect and heal me, for the highest good.  And I ask for strength and courage and hope for the highest good.  I ask for the Light in my sleep and for healing in all parts of my being, especially my brain and my central nervous system and I ask for the Light for the highest good in my reinstatement and tapering."

 

[Paras]

@Yesyes123So I just read your story. My story is similar to yours. I am 18 years old and I

was prescribed Escitaloprám when I was 15 years old as well. I had vitamin b12 deficiency back then , i used to get Horrible panic attacks, anxiety and had mild impaired cognitive function and fatigue. 

 

I wish I took fish oil back then for mild cognitive impairment and vitamin supplements + some herbs Ike ashwagandha for anxiety. I would have been completely normal back then. But me and my parents had no clue what happened to me overnight, So we had to go to neurologist who told us to consult a Psychiatrist. There I was prescribed 10 MG Escitaloprám and 1 MG clonazepam together which completely made me Dead inside. And I had no clue what was happening, I thought these medicines will cure my problems. 

 

As time passed by, I developed different infections such as Sinusitis, Severe Acid reflux, Bloating, IBS, Cold Intolerance. I never had these issues before as I was completely fine, just that vitamin deficiency. 

 

It took me that long to figure out what was actually wrong with me, Why my health and anxiety was getting worse with time. These drugs are so Insidious that it's simply not obvious what's happening. 

 

But I'm so glad that I found this site, Otherwise My psychiatrist would have upped my dose and prescribed me other medications as well. 

 

As I left clonazepam 2-3 months back. I already feel my anxiety has gotten better, It made my anxiety worse and my brain weak. 

 

PS - i cannot take Fish Oil now due to Severee severe reaction on stomach, and I blame it all on Escitaloprám. These drugs take your health and sanity completely away. 

 

 

[Yesyes123]

5 minutes ago, Paras said:

@Yesyes123So I just read your story. My story is similar to yours. I am 18 years old and I

was prescribed Escitaloprám when I was 15 years old as well. I had vitamin b12 deficiency back then , i used to get Horrible panic attacks, anxiety and had mild impaired cognitive function and fatigue. 

 

I wish I took fish oil back then for mild cognitive impairment and vitamin supplements + some herbs Ike ashwagandha for anxiety. I would have been completely normal back then. But me and my parents had no clue what happened to me overnight, So we had to go to neurologist who told us to consult a Psychiatrist. There I was prescribed 10 MG Escitaloprám and 1 MG clonazepam together which completely made me Dead inside. And I had no clue what was happening, I thought these medicines will cure my problems. 

 

As time passed by, I developed different infections such as Sinusitis, Severe Acid reflux, Bloating, IBS, Cold Intolerance. I never had these issues before as I was completely fine, just that vitamin deficiency. 

 

It took me that long to figure out what was actually wrong with me, Why my health and anxiety was getting worse with time. These drugs are so Insidious that it's simply not obvious what's happening. 

 

But I'm so glad that I found this site, Otherwise My psychiatrist would have upped my dose and prescribed me other medications as well. 

 

As I left clonazepam 2-3 months back. I already feel my anxiety has gotten better, It made my anxiety worse and my brain weak. 

 

PS - i cannot take Fish Oil now due to Severee severe reaction on stomach, and I blame it all on Escitaloprám. These drugs take your health and sanity completely away. 

 

 

 

You are lucky to have found SA at 18. How I wish I did. But I don't think I would even believe it back then... 

 

This is the kind of thing that you only truly believe when it happens to you...

 

Are you sure fish oil caused you problems? Did you start by taking a single cap daily for at least 2 weeks?

 

I think it has been helping me so much. I take 7 caps every single day (that amount to about 2000mg DHA + EPA)

[Paras]

@Yesyes123For me I just took single cap of 1000 mg of EPA and DHA Combined fish oil. It definitely improved my concentration, my brain fog completely went away, like completely. ( took it before protracted withdrawal started ).

 

But my stomach was really upset the first day. And when i took it next day again, My entire stomach was burning and all body nerves were firing off like seriously the worst thing ever. I couldn't breathe properly due to AWFUL IBS. I have become hypersensitive to many things because of this Escitaloprám. It has literally destroyed my health. I cannot even think of taking fish oil now, as i tried taking it 3 days back (a small capsule) 300 mg. Even that caused me trouble.

 

I believe I'll be fine once I stop this Escitaloprám sooner or later. Until then, I'm on my Vitamin Supplements ( no reaction) and ashwagandha sometimes and Escitaloprám. 

 

Can't think of taking Fish Oil, not even small amounts.

[Yesyes123]

Check this out:

https://www.instagram.com/p/COYXbqSDGNs/?igshid=znnnvo77rz9x

 

Also, I'm not sure if it's safe to take Ashwaganda with Escitalopram.

 

Is it? @Altostrata @Gridley @ChessieCat

[brassmonkey]

We do not recommend the use of Ashwaganda. There is a lot d discussion on it through out the site. A quick site search will bring it all up.

[Gridley]

1 hour ago, Yesyes123 said:

Ashwaganda with Escitalopram.

I tried it while I was on Lexapro and it had a paradoxical effect (it made me anxious).

[Altostrata]

On 5/1/2021 at 2:47 PM, Paras said:

I believe my symptoms are changing, fluctuating, and giving me very uneasy feeling at times when intense wave kicks in. Balance problems fluctuate veryy much.

 

But also I have felt a lot of windows in which I felt ill recover really soon.

 

This is typical, as explained to you before.

[Paras]

@Altostrata I slightly increased the dose to 8.12 MG from 7.5 MG and I think it did some kind of improvement. The only symptom that is left I believe is DPDR which everyday feels like it is going away but it just won't. 

 

Can I try increasing the dose by little? About 8.75 MG to see if the DPDR goes away? 

[Altostrata]

When did you increase the dose? What effect did it have?

 

How has your symptom pattern changed in the last 2 weeks?