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Kinga: I know I can't go back in time


Kinga

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From the beginning I apologize but English is not my first language. 

 

I ma lost in the mental health system . Exhausted to the point of mental break down. I need your help to understand what is going on with me and if there is hope, or another life after this

 

My journey started almost 20 years ago , I went thru some medical trauma and almost lost life . I thought I recover pretty fast after  the operation , physically and mentally . After couple months I started to feeling some depression and uneasy feeling, I thought that this was related to high stress - I was graduating university at te same time. It calmed down for the next year until 2002 when I was involved in car accident . This trauma caused that I started to have panic attacks . I ended up in neurologist office and I was given a "miracle drug " Paxil CR 25. 

After couple months I felt better, calmer and I used to idea that I have chemical imbalance. I was taking Paxil 25 for 12months - 2013

in 2014 the doctor lowered my dosage to 12.5 CR. Next 9 years I was taking the same dosage , dealing with life , working full time. It was not easy, something was always bother me. ON the Paxil I begun to start to have pain all over my body , like my nerve system was irritated . I was given another diagnosis- Fibromyalgia, Constant UTI infections for no reason and the list goes on. 

I remember that in 2008 or 2009 suddenly my pharmacy changed my medication to different manufacturer and I started to feel really bad , I did not know what is going on . I remember going to to neurologist and he gave me brand name of Paxil and in a week or less I started to feeling better . I did not know what happened . I know right now that one Paxil is not equal to another - the fillers are different. 

 2012  i wanted to get pregnant, I was told to stop the dosage at 12.5 , which I did. It was ct.  

in two months the panic attacks come back but I felt sick , like something was going in with me.

The doctors refused to put me back on Paxil instead of they gave me Lexapro, I took it for 6  months , feeling extremely restless-chemical restless. it was really bad. They added also Clonazepam  for sleeping. 

2013- they changed medication to Elavil, I could not tolerate higher dosage , they kept me on 10 mg- heart palpitation , first time I started to have depression feeling , nothing to compare before I took drug

2014 -another medication Effexor, still taking the Clonazapem 1 mg for sleep, getting sicker and sicker , I was told again that I have I am taking the Benzo for too long, I started to lowering Benzo. First I went from 1 mg to 0.75, started to have all neuro symptoms , headaches, sensory issue, anger. When I went down to 0.5 something happen overnight to my nerve system. I took in te morning regular dosage of Effexor and after 2 h I got electric shock going thru my spine to head and intense headaches for hours. I was aware that this this Benzo but was hoping that I will improve with time. I was withdrawing from benzo for te next 8 months , I just wanted off , hoping that I can tolerate antydepressants. NOPE . every single day I took Effexor te same reaction . Almost like somebody took nife and cut my skin on me thru my spine. I ended up in hospital in 2015, They changed my medication to Paxil but the same reaction again  . I was told that this is panic attack . How you can have panic attacks after taking medication every single day , the same time but it felt different , not like panic but like chemical reaction. I was on Paxil 62.5 and Seroquel and Zyrpexa, I took those meds until March 2016, 

From 2016 to 2020 I was lowering Paxil with the same reaction every single day, Mostly bed bound. 

I had this reaction:wake up feeling ok, took medication and excruciating pain thru stomach, spine to head. Felt sick - almost like my body was rejecting the medication . I was on 12.5 for at least 8 months and telling my psychiatrist what is going on. He told me to stop Paxil and tried Cymbalta. I refused to do it. I was afraid what will happen to me. I did not want to prescribe any longer the Paxil . 

So I was cut off in January 2020 from Paxil , in 2 days I started to have such a restless 24/7 with panic . It was not akathisia but felt like that 

I was trying to do on my own for the next 2 months but it was getting worser . In March my husband took me to Psychitrist and he gave me Gabapentin- I did not want to take it but mostly my family was telling me they will admit me to hospital . I took Gabapentin and right away severe hedaches - it feels lie I have inflammation in brain but I started to feel paralyzed, such a muscle tension - I was screaming from pain . God bless I  took only 300 mg and slowly lowered . I am off from November. 

Right now it is pure hell, restless and since gabapentin I have feeling like my brain is screaming, cortisol rushes non stop, muscle/ body jerking , depression , suicidal thoughts, vomiting , anxiety which I never experience. Reaction to food and supplements, Even shower with epson salt cause jerking for hours

I don't know any longer  if this my mental sickness. Please help, ANY SUGGESTIONS. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i

 

 

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I was tolerating antidepressants for several years until I started to lowering  Klonopin - took it Klonopin for 2,5 years . When I lower my dosage of Klonopin started to have  reaction to antydepressants- severe headaches, electric shocks going thru my spine to head. I was lowering the antidepressant the last 4 years with those reaction. Even tried different antidepressant to see if I have the same reaction, Right now  off meds but reaction to all meds supplements, constant anxiety , depression and panic attacks. 

 

I just want to know if I am only one to have  this paradox reaction after Klonopin  . Please answer !!!!

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  • Altostrata changed the title to Kinda I know I can't go back in time
  • Administrator

Welcome, Kinga.

 

On 4/21/2021 at 10:38 AM, Kinga said:

So I was cut off in January 2020 from Paxil , in 2 days I started to have such a restless 24/7 with panic . It was not akathisia but felt like that 

 

What does this mean? You stopped 12.5mg Paxil last January? How did you go off?

 

What drugs are you taking now, at what times of day, with their dosages?

 

Please add your questions to this topic. There's only one Introductions topic per member.

 

To help us out, follow these instructions Please put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature You may need to use a computer to do this.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

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  • Altostrata changed the title to Kinga I know I can't go back in time
  • 1 month later...

Hi @Kinga It sounds like you were going through a really rough time back in April. Just wondering how you are doing now.

400mg SAM-e from ~Feb 10, 2018 to somewhere around July, 2018
25 mg Sertraline from January 2020 to mid April 2020

Cold turkey mid April 2020

Re-instated 25 mg Sertraline from early May 2020 for next three weeks then cold turkey again.

Currently on no meds or supplements.

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  • 3 months later...

I am still the same , reacting to everything , severe depression and anxiety , constant panic . Life is hell and don’t know what to do anymore 

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  • 4 weeks later...
  • Moderator Emeritus
On 4/25/2021 at 8:06 AM, Altostrata said:

follow these instructions Please put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature You may need to use a computer to do this.

 

As previously requested please create your drug signature.  It allows the staff to see you drug history at a glance and means that they do not have to waste time reading through your topic trying to find it.  It also gives your posts context for other members when reading posts that you make in other topics on SA.

 

On 4/27/2021 at 3:07 AM, Kinga said:

I did in about me section , is this incorrect?

 

This is only visible to staff.  The drug signature is different and is visible to all members.  Please see above.

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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  • 3 weeks later...

surviving

I am almost 10 months off and honestly I can't take it any more. I am screaming from pain symptoms. I feel almost like my body is missing serotonin. I don't understand what is going on , if I take anything to help me I have increase different symptoms. I wake up with intense stomach pain with feeling of screaming and shouting. 

 

 I took  some supplements and it helps and caused different issue, mostly reacting badly to everything 

 

1 drop of fulvic acid and after couple days I felt that I am screaming, crying less but intense increase headaches almost like electricity running in my brain  

 

1 drop of vitamin b 6 , less intense symptoms but increase in tension in muscle / almost like feeling paralyzed. I can't even explain how painfull.

 

If I don't take anything I am on the floor screaming and crying for hours, I don't know what to do anymore. I know I am severe, I was poly drugged, and reacting badly to drugs since Benzo withdrawal-almost 5 years, 

 

I was taking Paxil the last years but gave me intense headaches - this is why I stopped taking 

 

I feel like drug addict, who is missing artificial serotonin in my body . 

 

Is this even possible

 

Please help

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by ChessieCat
added topic title before merging with intro topic
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On 10/13/2021 at 4:57 PM, Kinga said:

 

I am still the same , reacting to everything , severe depression and anxiety , constant panic . Life is hell and don’t know what to do anymore 

 

We all get to that point. I’m sorry you’re in a long panic phase. I had that constant 24/7 for 5 months. Life was hell. But right now it’s just bad or hopeless but now it is sometimes ok. And ok is beautiful. This is hard advice, but make it to the next hour, minute, day, until you reach ok. You never know when it will come.

If you can, distract, distract, distract. Sleep all the time if you’re lucky enough to be able to do that. Or just float through it. Even if you don’t know where you’re going. You will find moments of ok. The only way out is through. You are here. 


Thinking of you. Keep floating.

Current: Bupropion 450mg, Neurontin 800mg, Klonopin 0.5mg

History:

July 2020: started Cogentin 1mg, Lamictal 50mg, Zoloft 150mg, Zyprexa 5mg (+5mg as needed), Klonopin 0.5mg

November 2020: stopped all meds cold-turkey

February 2021: started Latuda 60mg, Lithium 300mg, Melatonin 5mg, Protonix 40mg, Topamax 25mg

2 weeks later: stopped Topamax, increased Lithium 900mg, started Klonopin 1mg, Lexapro 20mg, Neurontin 400mg

April 2021: started Bupropion 150mg, Revia ?mg

May 2021: stopped ReviaProtonixLexaproincreased Neurontin 800mg, started Celexa 10mg

August 2021: decreased Celexa 5mg (stopped Celexa 2 weeks later), increased Bupropion 300mg

September 2021: increased Latuda 80mg

October 2021: decreased Lithium 600mg for 4 daysLithium 300mg for 4 daysstopped LithiumLatuda

     increased Bupropion 450mg, started Remeron 15mg, decreased Remeron 7.5mg, stopped Remeron

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  • ChessieCat changed the title to Kinga: I know I can't go back in time
  • Moderator Emeritus
On 4/25/2021 at 8:06 AM, Altostrata said:

 

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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  • 5 months later...

Reactions to supplements and histamine issue

 

I am almost 17 months off from meds. On the last medications I have already severe issues- twitching all body , severe depression and anxiety . I have reactions to all supplements , even probiotics - different strains give me different reactions . The last 3 months I have severe histamine issue. So many symptoms . I want to know if anybody get better even with this severe body reactions . I have barely left food which I can tolerate . The reactions are just so scary. Please help 

 

Edited by ChessieCat
added topic title before merging with intro topic
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  • Moderator Emeritus

@Kinga

 

Both Altostrata and myself have asked you to create your drug signature.  The information that you provided when you joined the site is only visible to staff.  Without the drug signature, which appears below every post you make, it is very difficult to answer your questions.

 

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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  • Moderator Emeritus

There are many existing topics on SA, including topics on supplements (general) and some specific supplements and histamine.

 

To find them use the site search function or an internet search engine and add site:survivingantidepressants.org to the search term.

 

It is also a good idea to research anything new before trying it, only taking a single supplement (not a complex), start with a small dose to see how it affects you and only try one new thing at a time.

 

the-rule-of-3kis-keep-it-simple-keep-it-slow-keep-it-stable

 

Also see:

 

are-we-there-yet-how-long-is-withdrawal-going-to-take

 

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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