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BrokenWings: recovering


BrokenWings

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@arbor

22 minutes ago, arbor said:

I'm very boring because I can't handle the slightest stress.  The people closest to me have accepted this.  Often I envy them--able to thrive in the world.

I know this feeling all to well. The envy I have for those not afflicted with this torturous condition is strong.

 

24 minutes ago, arbor said:

I feel very strongly about a bunch of things, but expressing an opinion or rallying facts overwhelms me, so I avoid conflict as much as I can.

I have the same feelings toward this. The amount of cognitive issues seems to disable my ability to process information and express my opinions about it.

 

26 minutes ago, arbor said:

The amount we have to accept in terms of damage and loss during CT w/d (I'm presuming it's better for those who properly taper) is frankly often overwhelming.

The misery we must endure is indeed overwhelming. Cold turkey is pure agony. The suffering may be lessened for those who were able to properly taper, but I imagine it is still a living hell.

 

29 minutes ago, arbor said:

I still don't watch much media, but reading has begun to feel actually soothing.  Of course, I'm a wuss about stuff requiring memory.

I try to avoid the media as much as I can, but I still like to be informed about what is happening in the world. I try to read just enough to get the main points. My memory is still not where I would like it to be and it is still difficult to retain information, but it is getting better.

 

I am always checking in on your intro thread to see how you are doing as well. Even though we have not met in person, I consider you a true close friend. I hope you continue to improve and that one day both of us will declare that we have fully recovered. 💙

BrokenWings: Introduction

 

Zoloft (Sertraline) 50 mg to 150 mg
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 1/26/2018

Quit cold turkey, Quit multiple times using recommended tapering from a psychiatrist over 2 weeks, Quit using rapid taper over about 1 year 150mg to 100mg to 75mg to 50 mg to 25 mg to 12.5 mg to 0mg.

 

Klonopin (Clonazepam) 0.5 mg as needed
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 3/1/2000

Quit cold turkey after one month.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Thank you for this @BrokenWings.  I truly appreciate it.  I feel like if I could tip the world west a bit, I could see you from here.

 

5 hours ago, BrokenWings said:

The suffering may be lessened for those who were able to properly taper, but I imagine it is still a living hell.

It saddens me that anyone should have to go through it.  

Looking forward to recovery for all,

Arbor

 

Zoloft: 1995 - 2015

Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on  December 15, 2018

Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019  (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019

Enalapril: 2010 - 2019

Lipitor: 2017 -2017

Metformin: 2000 - 2020

Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019

Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022

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  • 1 month later...

I have had two major setbacks over the past month. Two massive waves had me bedridden for about seven days each time. My symptoms were crippling anxiety, depression, anhedonia, suicidal ideations, tinnitus, insomnia and some nerve pain. I am so frustrated as I was doing relatively well for a while. I am trying to stay hopeful and patient but I am so terrified of permanent brain damage. I truly can't even think of anything that could have triggered these past two waves. Stress has been at a minimum as of late so this is mind boggling.

 

Is it normal at 56 months to still be having such horrible waves?

 

I will carry on as it appears I still need more time for my brain to sort things out and heal some more. I pray for all of us that are suffering in what feels like living hell.

BrokenWings: Introduction

 

Zoloft (Sertraline) 50 mg to 150 mg
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 1/26/2018

Quit cold turkey, Quit multiple times using recommended tapering from a psychiatrist over 2 weeks, Quit using rapid taper over about 1 year 150mg to 100mg to 75mg to 50 mg to 25 mg to 12.5 mg to 0mg.

 

Klonopin (Clonazepam) 0.5 mg as needed
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 3/1/2000

Quit cold turkey after one month.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Dear @BrokenWings--I'm so very sorry to hear that you're going through this.  It is a living hell.  Could the strain of moving have caused a set-back?  Are you able to sleep?

32 minutes ago, BrokenWings said:

I am trying to stay hopeful and patient but I am so terrified of permanent brain damage.

I admire your steadfastness and can relate to the fear.  The studies I've read suggest that the brain can be surprisingly resiliant.  I still believe you're going to recover.  

Meanwhile, how does exercise affect you?  Are you using the recommended supplements?  I find these helpful.  

 

I really appreciate your sharing, and am with you every bit of the way.

Warm hug,

Arbor

Zoloft: 1995 - 2015

Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on  December 15, 2018

Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019  (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019

Enalapril: 2010 - 2019

Lipitor: 2017 -2017

Metformin: 2000 - 2020

Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019

Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022

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@arborI suppose it is possible some of the strain from moving caused a set-back. Sleep is normal when I am not in the thralls of a wave.

14 hours ago, arbor said:

I admire your steadfastness and can relate to the fear.  The studies I've read suggest that the brain can be surprisingly resiliant.  I still believe you're going to recover.

I appreciate your warm words of encouragement. I hope you are fairing better on your path to recovery. I hope these studies are correct and that we both recover.

 

14 hours ago, arbor said:

Meanwhile, how does exercise affect you?  Are you using the recommended supplements?  I find these helpful.

I still can only endure brief brisk walks which I try to do daily. If I try strenuous types of exercise I typically regret it and will crash into a wave. I am still taking the recommended supplements and will continue to do so.

 

14 hours ago, arbor said:

I really appreciate your sharing, and am with you every bit of the way.

Thank you, it is my hope that sharing my story helps other people, even it is just one person. I appreciate your feedback especially since we are both on similar timelines. Hopefully you have been improving and I am also here for you and everyone else that is suffering. Hugs! 💙

BrokenWings: Introduction

 

Zoloft (Sertraline) 50 mg to 150 mg
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 1/26/2018

Quit cold turkey, Quit multiple times using recommended tapering from a psychiatrist over 2 weeks, Quit using rapid taper over about 1 year 150mg to 100mg to 75mg to 50 mg to 25 mg to 12.5 mg to 0mg.

 

Klonopin (Clonazepam) 0.5 mg as needed
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 3/1/2000

Quit cold turkey after one month.

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  • 1 month later...

Popping in to provide an update. I have been relativity stable for the past month with no major setbacks. It has not been perfect as I still have ups and downs but they have not triggered a massive wave. I suppose these are signs of further healing and recovery, but I am also aware this can change at any given moment. The biggest fear I have is not regaining control of my mood and emotions. I am trying to remain optimistic and hopeful, but it is difficult when I still have daily symptoms which are mostly mental and emotional. They say to live from day to day, but for people in withdrawal it should be live from second to second.

BrokenWings: Introduction

 

Zoloft (Sertraline) 50 mg to 150 mg
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 1/26/2018

Quit cold turkey, Quit multiple times using recommended tapering from a psychiatrist over 2 weeks, Quit using rapid taper over about 1 year 150mg to 100mg to 75mg to 50 mg to 25 mg to 12.5 mg to 0mg.

 

Klonopin (Clonazepam) 0.5 mg as needed
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 3/1/2000

Quit cold turkey after one month.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Dear @BrokenWings--I might've put pressure on you to report positive progress.  Please forgive me.  

7 hours ago, BrokenWings said:

The biggest fear I have is not regaining control of my mood and emotions. I am trying to remain optimistic and hopeful, but it is difficult when I still have daily symptoms which are mostly mental and emotional.

I can relate to what you're describing here from my own experience.  I admire your perseverence.  To maintain our optimism is surely a challenge.

7 hours ago, BrokenWings said:

They say to live from day to day, but for people in withdrawal it should be live from second to second.

So true--

 

Thank you for your update.  No matter how you're doing, I appreciate hearing.

Arbor 💗🦾🌻

Zoloft: 1995 - 2015

Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on  December 15, 2018

Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019  (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019

Enalapril: 2010 - 2019

Lipitor: 2017 -2017

Metformin: 2000 - 2020

Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019

Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022

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@arbor I did not feel any pressure at all so don't worry about it :). I like to post updates periodically as personal notes for myself and to update those that may be following this thread. It's all documentation for when I am ready to post my success story.

BrokenWings: Introduction

 

Zoloft (Sertraline) 50 mg to 150 mg
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 1/26/2018

Quit cold turkey, Quit multiple times using recommended tapering from a psychiatrist over 2 weeks, Quit using rapid taper over about 1 year 150mg to 100mg to 75mg to 50 mg to 25 mg to 12.5 mg to 0mg.

 

Klonopin (Clonazepam) 0.5 mg as needed
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 3/1/2000

Quit cold turkey after one month.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Absolutely!!!!

Here's to that Day 🎇

Big hugs

Zoloft: 1995 - 2015

Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on  December 15, 2018

Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019  (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019

Enalapril: 2010 - 2019

Lipitor: 2017 -2017

Metformin: 2000 - 2020

Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019

Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022

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  • 3 weeks later...

I just came out of a major wave :(. This one lasted about 5 days but it was a living hell. The anxiety, depression and tinnitus left me bedridden and unable to function. The depression felt like a demon had possessed my mind feeding me with ruminating thoughts, suicidal ideation, and lies. I am still not well, but I was able to function today. This is incredibly frustrating. The waves appear to be getting shorter and windows appear to be getting longer but I still feel like I'm not making much progress.

BrokenWings: Introduction

 

Zoloft (Sertraline) 50 mg to 150 mg
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 1/26/2018

Quit cold turkey, Quit multiple times using recommended tapering from a psychiatrist over 2 weeks, Quit using rapid taper over about 1 year 150mg to 100mg to 75mg to 50 mg to 25 mg to 12.5 mg to 0mg.

 

Klonopin (Clonazepam) 0.5 mg as needed
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 3/1/2000

Quit cold turkey after one month.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Ahh @BrokenWings--I'm sooo sorry to hear what you're going through.  I sure am with you 👾

1 hour ago, BrokenWings said:

The depression felt like a demon had possessed my mind feeding me with ruminating thoughts, suicidal ideation, and lies.

Exactly--it just won't stop.

 

1 hour ago, BrokenWings said:

I am still not well, but I was able to function today.

I celebrate even the smallest improvement for you.  Here's to shorter waves, longer windows, and eventual healing.  And stamina! as we keep on keeping on--

Many hugs my friend,

Arbor

Zoloft: 1995 - 2015

Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on  December 15, 2018

Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019  (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019

Enalapril: 2010 - 2019

Lipitor: 2017 -2017

Metformin: 2000 - 2020

Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019

Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022

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@arbor As always, I appreciate your warm words of encouragement. How have you been doing as of late? I know you recently were dealing with a wave as well.

BrokenWings: Introduction

 

Zoloft (Sertraline) 50 mg to 150 mg
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 1/26/2018

Quit cold turkey, Quit multiple times using recommended tapering from a psychiatrist over 2 weeks, Quit using rapid taper over about 1 year 150mg to 100mg to 75mg to 50 mg to 25 mg to 12.5 mg to 0mg.

 

Klonopin (Clonazepam) 0.5 mg as needed
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 3/1/2000

Quit cold turkey after one month.

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  • ChessieCat changed the title to BrokenWings: recovering
  • Moderator Emeritus

Yes, it's been tough recently.  By the end of the day, I'm exhausted from deflecting the ruminations.  The fact that I can patch together some sleep now, gives me something to feel positive about (even though I'm horrendously grouchy).  Everyday is survival.  The majority of my old interests have fallen by the wayside.  My brain is jumpy and my attention is restless.  I don't judge it, but in the night I sometimes question my strength.

I send wishes for ours and everyone's recovery, dear Wings,

Arbor

Zoloft: 1995 - 2015

Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on  December 15, 2018

Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019  (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019

Enalapril: 2010 - 2019

Lipitor: 2017 -2017

Metformin: 2000 - 2020

Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019

Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022

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@arbor

4 minutes ago, arbor said:

By the end of the day, I'm exhausted from deflecting the ruminations.

 I totally feel this way too.

 

4 minutes ago, arbor said:

The majority of my old interests have fallen by the wayside.

Many of my interests have also fallen. I am hoping one day these will return.

6 minutes ago, arbor said:

Everyday is survival.

It truly is.

6 minutes ago, arbor said:

I don't judge it, but in the night I sometimes question my strength.

I also struggle with these feelings.

 

I send you my wishes as well and hope you feel better. 💙

BrokenWings: Introduction

 

Zoloft (Sertraline) 50 mg to 150 mg
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 1/26/2018

Quit cold turkey, Quit multiple times using recommended tapering from a psychiatrist over 2 weeks, Quit using rapid taper over about 1 year 150mg to 100mg to 75mg to 50 mg to 25 mg to 12.5 mg to 0mg.

 

Klonopin (Clonazepam) 0.5 mg as needed
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 3/1/2000

Quit cold turkey after one month.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Yet another wave of crippling anxiety and depression. This wave lasted 5 days and it was probably one of the worst ones I have had.

 

I need some assurances from anybody that has recovered. Is it normal to have such harsh waves with crippling anxiety and depression so far out? I am terrified that this is no longer withdrawal and the damage from the drugs has worsened the anxiety and depression I had prior to taking them.

 

Apathy is still a symptom that has not gone away since I started taking Zoloft. If this does not lift I am not sure how I will be able to endure life in this state. I am also still easily irritated by the smallest things which tend to trigger waves. The irritation builds over days and weeks and then I crash randomly at any given time with no warning.

 

Any feedback is appreciated.

 

 

 

 

 

 

BrokenWings: Introduction

 

Zoloft (Sertraline) 50 mg to 150 mg
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 1/26/2018

Quit cold turkey, Quit multiple times using recommended tapering from a psychiatrist over 2 weeks, Quit using rapid taper over about 1 year 150mg to 100mg to 75mg to 50 mg to 25 mg to 12.5 mg to 0mg.

 

Klonopin (Clonazepam) 0.5 mg as needed
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 3/1/2000

Quit cold turkey after one month.

Link to comment
5 hours ago, BrokenWings said:

Yet another wave of crippling anxiety and depression. This wave lasted 5 days and it was probably one of the worst ones I have had.

 

I need some assurances from anybody that has recovered. Is it normal to have such harsh waves with crippling anxiety and depression so far out? I am terrified that this is no longer withdrawal and the damage from the drugs has worsened the anxiety and depression I had prior to taking them.

 

Apathy is still a symptom that has not gone away since I started taking Zoloft. If this does not lift I am not sure how I will be able to endure life in this state. I am also still easily irritated by the smallest things which tend to trigger waves. The irritation builds over days and weeks and then I crash randomly at any given time with no warning.

 

Any feedback is appreciated.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I can not assure you in anything but that there are at least 2 of us feeling very similar. Your posts could be written by myself.  

3/2012 - sertralin 50 mg, no major side effects

1/2014 - ct sertralin 50 mg (tappered 3 weeks as doctor ordered)

7/2014 - back to sertalin 50 mg, no issues

4/2016 - ct sertralin 50 mg (tappered 3 weeks, my decision)

12/2016 - back to sertalin, major side effects from the first pill and the begginning of hell

2/2017 - mirtazepine 15 mg added for insomnia

6/2017 - stopped sertralin (2 months tapper)

9/2017 - stopped mirtazepine (3 weeks taper)

waves and windows

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Dear wonderful @BrokenWings--How sad it makes me that you're having to endure this hell.  To address your need right now, there are success stories from people who took a long, long time to recover.  Alto is one. 

At the same time, perhaps your irritability is parodoxically a promising sign.  I know that doesn't sound very good, but it could suggest that your brain has the ability to care enough to be irritated on your behalf--which would be the opposite of apathy.  (A kind of repressed enthusiasm--) I send you compassion for your helplessness as you wait for your body to heal.  For me patience is one of the hardest resources to muster right now--this open-ended need to wait (while doing the best we can).  I find it amazing what we endure, and continue to endure.  We're still among the pioneering generations to experience w/d.  We don't have as many studies and support as we still need.  We don't know when the process will end, or the signs that may suggest the end is coming, except for windows.  The fact that we get windows, even short ones, suggests to me that this is what our brains are still capable of, but the process for many is excruciatingly slow.

Above all I sympathize and still believe your healing is happening, dear Wings.  A better state is coming.

Everyday you are in my thoughts,

Arbor 💜

Zoloft: 1995 - 2015

Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on  December 15, 2018

Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019  (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019

Enalapril: 2010 - 2019

Lipitor: 2017 -2017

Metformin: 2000 - 2020

Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019

Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022

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@arbor As always I appreciate your warm and calming words of empathy and encouragement. I would have replied earlier, but sadly I relapsed into another wave and was not in any state to think rationally or clearly.

 

The irritations are quite infuriating and a lot of it has to do with the fact that my sensitivity to sound is still alarmingly high. The apathy is still present but it is mostly in the form of no interest, and no motivation.

 

On 11/16/2022 at 1:58 PM, arbor said:

For me patience is one of the hardest resources to muster right now--this open-ended need to wait (while doing the best we can).  I find it amazing what we endure, and continue to endure.

 

Yes, I completely agree. I am just so tired and devastated from this nightmare. I find it very hard to endure at times.

 

On 11/16/2022 at 1:58 PM, arbor said:

We're still among the pioneering generations to experience w/d.  We don't have as many studies and support as we still need.  We don't know when the process will end, or the signs that may suggest the end is coming, except for windows.

 

This is true, but what infuriates me the most is that withdrawal from these drugs is still mostly not recognized. These drugs are still being handed out like candy to the general public even for symptoms beyond anxiety and depression.

 

On 11/16/2022 at 1:58 PM, arbor said:

Above all I sympathize and still believe your healing is happening, dear Wings.  A better state is coming.

Everyday you are in my thoughts,

 

I thank you again. I hope you are fairing better these days and my thoughts are with you as well. 💙

BrokenWings: Introduction

 

Zoloft (Sertraline) 50 mg to 150 mg
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 1/26/2018

Quit cold turkey, Quit multiple times using recommended tapering from a psychiatrist over 2 weeks, Quit using rapid taper over about 1 year 150mg to 100mg to 75mg to 50 mg to 25 mg to 12.5 mg to 0mg.

 

Klonopin (Clonazepam) 0.5 mg as needed
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 3/1/2000

Quit cold turkey after one month.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Dear @BrokenWings--It's miserable what you're describing.  I can relate.  I hate that it lasts so long.  On and on and on.

4 hours ago, BrokenWings said:

withdrawal from these drugs is still mostly not recognized. These drugs are still being handed out like candy to the general public even for symptoms beyond anxiety and depression.

Yes, it feels like a sneer towards our suffering.  We try even in our incapacitated conditions to tell them our experience, but we're gaslit by the fact that they pay no mind and continue the same, in fact, escalate the prescriptions.  I find it heartbreaking to hear of children being put on them.  There are other ways to address psychological issues--

 

I've had a window of about 8 days.  I send you the tentative relief of that, believing that better times are likely for us. 💜

Hugs--

Abror

Zoloft: 1995 - 2015

Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on  December 15, 2018

Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019  (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019

Enalapril: 2010 - 2019

Lipitor: 2017 -2017

Metformin: 2000 - 2020

Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019

Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022

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On 11/16/2022 at 2:43 AM, persistente said:

I can not assure you in anything but that there are at least 2 of us feeling very similar. Your posts could be written by myself.

@persistente It helps to hear from others that are experiencing the same thing. Sometimes I feel as if I am the only one. I hope you are fairing better and improving.

BrokenWings: Introduction

 

Zoloft (Sertraline) 50 mg to 150 mg
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 1/26/2018

Quit cold turkey, Quit multiple times using recommended tapering from a psychiatrist over 2 weeks, Quit using rapid taper over about 1 year 150mg to 100mg to 75mg to 50 mg to 25 mg to 12.5 mg to 0mg.

 

Klonopin (Clonazepam) 0.5 mg as needed
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 3/1/2000

Quit cold turkey after one month.

Link to comment
45 minutes ago, arbor said:

I find it heartbreaking to hear of children being put on them.  There are other ways to address psychological issues--

Yes, this is very heartbreaking. They are targeting children and placing them on these drugs for normal human emotions.

 

47 minutes ago, arbor said:

I've had a window of about 8 days.  I send you the tentative relief of that, believing that better times are likely for us. 💜

 

I am glad to hear you are in a window. Better times indeed.

BrokenWings: Introduction

 

Zoloft (Sertraline) 50 mg to 150 mg
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 1/26/2018

Quit cold turkey, Quit multiple times using recommended tapering from a psychiatrist over 2 weeks, Quit using rapid taper over about 1 year 150mg to 100mg to 75mg to 50 mg to 25 mg to 12.5 mg to 0mg.

 

Klonopin (Clonazepam) 0.5 mg as needed
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 3/1/2000

Quit cold turkey after one month.

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • Moderator Emeritus

How are things going for you @BrokenWings?  

Thinking of you 🕊️

Arbor

Zoloft: 1995 - 2015

Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on  December 15, 2018

Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019  (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019

Enalapril: 2010 - 2019

Lipitor: 2017 -2017

Metformin: 2000 - 2020

Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019

Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022

Link to comment

@arbor I am in a window for the moment and I am hoping this is my forever window. Thank you for asking. How are you fairing these days?

BrokenWings: Introduction

 

Zoloft (Sertraline) 50 mg to 150 mg
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 1/26/2018

Quit cold turkey, Quit multiple times using recommended tapering from a psychiatrist over 2 weeks, Quit using rapid taper over about 1 year 150mg to 100mg to 75mg to 50 mg to 25 mg to 12.5 mg to 0mg.

 

Klonopin (Clonazepam) 0.5 mg as needed
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 3/1/2000

Quit cold turkey after one month.

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Ahhh, I'm so glad to know that your last wave has passed and you're doing better on the Road to Recovery.  I'm still holding together a window--which is helpful as the Season progresses.

Hugs,

Arbor

Zoloft: 1995 - 2015

Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on  December 15, 2018

Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019  (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019

Enalapril: 2010 - 2019

Lipitor: 2017 -2017

Metformin: 2000 - 2020

Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019

Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022

Link to comment

@arbor I am glad that your window is holding. Yes, I agree it is very helpful as the season transitions into winter.

BrokenWings: Introduction

 

Zoloft (Sertraline) 50 mg to 150 mg
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 1/26/2018

Quit cold turkey, Quit multiple times using recommended tapering from a psychiatrist over 2 weeks, Quit using rapid taper over about 1 year 150mg to 100mg to 75mg to 50 mg to 25 mg to 12.5 mg to 0mg.

 

Klonopin (Clonazepam) 0.5 mg as needed
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 3/1/2000

Quit cold turkey after one month.

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  • 1 month later...

Chiming in to provide an update as it has been awhile since my last post. I have been experiencing the same ups and downs with waves and windows. There does not seem to be any improvement and I appear to be in a plateau.

 

An unusual pattern has emerged with the quality of my sleep. In the mornings when I am in a window I find that when it is time to wake up in the morning I feel very drowsy and tend to fall asleep well past the time I have set on my alarm. The last time I felt this way was when I was on the drugs. This is an unusual experience and I have no idea if this is a symptom of withdrawal or a sign of recovery.

 

I am frustrated that I am still struggling, but I continue to fight and hope that the end is near.

 

 

BrokenWings: Introduction

 

Zoloft (Sertraline) 50 mg to 150 mg
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 1/26/2018

Quit cold turkey, Quit multiple times using recommended tapering from a psychiatrist over 2 weeks, Quit using rapid taper over about 1 year 150mg to 100mg to 75mg to 50 mg to 25 mg to 12.5 mg to 0mg.

 

Klonopin (Clonazepam) 0.5 mg as needed
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 3/1/2000

Quit cold turkey after one month.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

So glad to hear your chimings @BrokenWings.  I've been thinking about you and wondering how your recovery is going.  Maybe during this plateau your brain is working to recover and the drowsy mornings reflect that.  We're getting close to your 5 year mark.  I'm already celebrating your incredible spirit, your hanging in there when it can be so excruciatingly hard.  Thank you as always for sharing 💜

Arbor

Zoloft: 1995 - 2015

Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on  December 15, 2018

Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019  (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019

Enalapril: 2010 - 2019

Lipitor: 2017 -2017

Metformin: 2000 - 2020

Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019

Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022

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2 hours ago, arbor said:

I'm already celebrating your incredible spirit, your hanging in there when it can be so excruciatingly hard.  Thank you as always for sharing 💜

 

@arborThank you for your kind words. It truly is excruciatingly hard. I hope your road to recovery is getting closer and I hope we can both soon post our respective success stories.

BrokenWings: Introduction

 

Zoloft (Sertraline) 50 mg to 150 mg
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 1/26/2018

Quit cold turkey, Quit multiple times using recommended tapering from a psychiatrist over 2 weeks, Quit using rapid taper over about 1 year 150mg to 100mg to 75mg to 50 mg to 25 mg to 12.5 mg to 0mg.

 

Klonopin (Clonazepam) 0.5 mg as needed
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 3/1/2000

Quit cold turkey after one month.

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  • 1 month later...
  • Moderator Emeritus

@BrokenWings--Thinking of you and hoping you are doing ok.

Hugs to you my friend,

Arbor

Zoloft: 1995 - 2015

Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on  December 15, 2018

Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019  (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019

Enalapril: 2010 - 2019

Lipitor: 2017 -2017

Metformin: 2000 - 2020

Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019

Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022

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@arbor Thank you very much! It's been some time since I posted, but that is good because things appear to be improving. Albeit, I am still experiencing dips in my mood and have lingering symptoms. I have had some incredibly stressful life events recently and I noticed how it was easier to get myself out of a funk and not crash into a wave. I am still having setbacks but they are much more manageable and shorter. I am far from done healing but for the first time, I feel like I am getting closer to the light at the end of the tunnel.

 

I hope all is well with you. Stay safe and keep on recovering.

 

Hugs,

 

BrokenWings

BrokenWings: Introduction

 

Zoloft (Sertraline) 50 mg to 150 mg
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 1/26/2018

Quit cold turkey, Quit multiple times using recommended tapering from a psychiatrist over 2 weeks, Quit using rapid taper over about 1 year 150mg to 100mg to 75mg to 50 mg to 25 mg to 12.5 mg to 0mg.

 

Klonopin (Clonazepam) 0.5 mg as needed
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 3/1/2000

Quit cold turkey after one month.

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On 4/30/2021 at 3:15 PM, BrokenWings said:

          Hello fellow sufferers, I have lurked on these forums for a few years and have decided it was time to post my introduction thread. I would like to thank Altostrata and the administrators for all the help they are providing to the millions of people affected by these horrific drugs. Words cannot express the gratitude I have for the information and guidance you are providing. Information and guidance that is practically impossible to acquire from the medical field.

    

          I have had depression and anxiety since early childhood. It became all too much for me when I started college and eventually had to drop out at the ripe age of 20 years old. This is the point of my life where I got introduced to the quackery of psychiatry and the evil practices of the pharmaceutical industry. I went to see a psychiatrist and after a mere ten minutes my diagnosis was Major Depressive Disorder. He prescribed 50 mg of Zoloft and 0.5 mg of Klonopin as needed. The only thing these drugs ever did was dumb me down, rob me of all my emotions, and turn me into a zombie. I was eventually able to go back to college and get a degree but it was a struggle as my concentration and memory were greatly impaired. I was able to enter the workforce and had a well-paying job for several years until the drugs finally took their toll. I could no longer manage my stress levels and had to leave the workforce. Since then, I have been unable to hold a job due to my inability to manage stress and function. This has gone on for about 21 years.

 

          I only used Klonopin as needed for 1 month and quit cold turkey. It was not helping and I saw no point in taking it anymore. My dosage of Zoloft fluctuated from 50 mg to 150 mg over the years. I tried to quit multiple times before my current attempt. I was also abusing alcohol consumption during this time which was contributing to my problems. On my first attempt, I quit cold turkey.  At the time I had no knowledge of withdrawal or the dangers of quitting cold turkey. Frustrated with how Zoloft turned me into a zombie, I wanted to see if I could manage without it. I was feeling great until I crashed into acute withdrawal after about six months. I returned to my psychiatrist and reinstated to my previous dosage of 75 mg which was eventually bumped to 100 mg. I stayed on this dosage for several years still frustrated with how the drugs made me feel with no improvement to my anxiety or depression. My second attempt to quit was at the advice of my psychiatrist over the course of two weeks cutting the dosage in half each time until I reached 0 mg. I was fine again for three months until I crashed into acute withdrawal again. I went back to the psychiatrist loaded with questions of withdrawal and drug dependency. He said I was relapsing and these drugs were not addictive nor could you become physically dependent. I reinstated to 100 mg for a few weeks and then bumped to 150 mg. My last attempt to rid myself of these poisons resulted in taking matters into my own hands as I no longer trusted my psychiatrist. This is the point where the drugs started producing physical symptoms and signs of my body breaking down. My body could also no longer tolerate alcohol. At 150 mg, I developed mild gastrointestinal symptoms which progressively got worse. I decided enough was enough and began researching while I quit drinking alcohol and started a rapid taper of Zoloft over the course of about one year. I reduced from 150 mg to 100 mg to 75 mg to 50 mg to 25 mg to 12.5 mg to 0 mg with two-month hold periods before reducing. I only wish I had researched and found out how to properly taper at no more than a ten percent reduction. Before I describe the hell that I entered during acute and post-acute withdrawal, I want to make note that my depression and anxiety levels were less intense and immensely easier to manage before taking Zoloft and Klonopin. I was still functioning properly and able to go about my day. It was only after starting and stopping these drugs where my life and inability to function began to progressively deteriorate.

    

          During my rapid taper I was relatively stable until towards the end of the taper. I had my ups and downs but they were manageable. All hell broke loose about two months after my taper completed. These are the symptoms I have had to endure since the start of acute withdrawal: Depression, anxiety, anger & rage outbursts, crying outbursts, anhedonia, lack of motivation, suicidal thoughts, ruminating thoughts, insomnia, tinnitus, muscle pain, nerve pain, nausea, gastrointestinal symptoms, fatigue, burning skin sensation, night sweats, vertigo, headaches, brain fog, impaired memory, myoclonus, light sensitivity, sound sensitivity, lack of appetite. The acute withdrawal was pure hell on earth and probably lasted four months. I have been in a state of post-acute withdrawal accompanied by a never-ending cycle of waves and windows since.

    

          It has been 39 months since I stopped Zoloft and Alcohol and I am still struggling. My waves have been fairly consistent lasting anywhere from seven to ten days. During a wave, my symptoms vary. I am unable to function when in a wave and usually bedridden. Windows last anywhere from two to three weeks and I am functioning and clear-headed most of the time. Over time these symptoms have become less intense and my waves seem to have gotten shorter with extended windows. However, I can still be hit with a wave that appears as if I have hit ground zero and I have to start all over again. This is extremely discouraging and eats away at my hope of healing and functioning like I was before taking these poisons. I am eating as healthy as I can and supplementing with Fish Oil, Magnesium, Vitamin D, and Vitamin B-12 to help support my body and nervous system.

 

          I am furious and outraged with the ignorant medical field and even more outraged at the evil practices of the pharmaceutical industry. I have read a lot of information on these forums and countless success stories to help keep me going. I am reaching out for reassurances and guidance. I hope that one day I can say I have healed and can post my success story.

I was on them 20 years. I stopped the antidepressants in 5 days. I've been off them 2.7 years. I still struggle too

Year 2010 to 2020 remeron, Buspar, atenelol, Ativan as needed (once a week)  remeron  stopped working (pooped out)

oct 2020 started amitryptyline took it 3 months 

Dec started wellbutrin, Stopped it 3 months later 

Started Paxil again for 3 months

took vibryd for 1 month, Stopped it in 5 days 

Started sam e 100mgs 3x a day, Tyrosine 1000mgs 3 x a dayfor 6 months 

August 2020 - Off all antidepressants 

16 th of Feb, 2023  started taperingsam e  the 100mg  2 x a day of sam e. I stopped taking the  afternoon one. And started every other day then every r day.

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus
18 hours ago, BrokenWings said:

things appear to be improving. Albeit, I am still experiencing dips in my mood and have lingering symptoms. I have had some incredibly stressful life events recently and I noticed how it was easier to get myself out of a funk and not crash into a wave. I am still having setbacks but they are much more manageable and shorter. I am far from done healing but for the first time, I feel like I am getting closer to the light at the end of the tunnel.

Dear @BrokenWings--I am so delighted to be reading these words.  My goodness, to be able to stay out of a funk is such good news!  Meanwhile, I'm sorry you're facing stressful life events.  Always a challenge, w/d or not.  I send warm wishes for your continuing peace and well-being.

Cheers to the tunnel's light--

Arbor

Zoloft: 1995 - 2015

Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on  December 15, 2018

Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019  (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019

Enalapril: 2010 - 2019

Lipitor: 2017 -2017

Metformin: 2000 - 2020

Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019

Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022

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  • 3 weeks later...

PAWS is the most horrible experience I can imagine for a human being. It is literally a living hell. My central nervous system is still incredibly sensitive. I attribute my latest setback that slammed me into a devastating wave of anxiety and depression from trying a new collagen powder supplement. I failed to be vigilant and look at the ingredients thoroughly. An amino acid that I know has caused me trouble in the past clearly trigged a crash days after taking it.

 

This setback is incredibly frustrating. However, looking at the bright side, recovery from the wave only took about 5 days which is shorter than my typical recovery time. It also has been a much longer period since my last setback so that is also a positive note. I hope this was only a self-inflicted setback, but it is clear my nervous system still has a whole lot of healing left to do.

BrokenWings: Introduction

 

Zoloft (Sertraline) 50 mg to 150 mg
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 1/26/2018

Quit cold turkey, Quit multiple times using recommended tapering from a psychiatrist over 2 weeks, Quit using rapid taper over about 1 year 150mg to 100mg to 75mg to 50 mg to 25 mg to 12.5 mg to 0mg.

 

Klonopin (Clonazepam) 0.5 mg as needed
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 3/1/2000

Quit cold turkey after one month.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Geez, these setbacks are so difficult.  It's amazing what these drugs do.  I'm really sorry you've had to go through it.  While glad you're continuing to heal and grow stronger @BrokenWings.

 

I too had a set back starting with a return to a night of little sleep.  I'm fragile then dealing with difficult social situations.  More lost sleep!    Hopefully, things will settle soon.  Sigh--

 

Thank you for sharing this.  I think of you💜

Arbor

Zoloft: 1995 - 2015

Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on  December 15, 2018

Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019  (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019

Enalapril: 2010 - 2019

Lipitor: 2017 -2017

Metformin: 2000 - 2020

Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019

Levothyroxine: 2000 - 2022

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@arbor I am so sorry you also had a setback. I hope things are getting better for you now.

 

As always thank you for your warm words of encouragement. I'm thinking of you too 💙

BrokenWings: Introduction

 

Zoloft (Sertraline) 50 mg to 150 mg
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 1/26/2018

Quit cold turkey, Quit multiple times using recommended tapering from a psychiatrist over 2 weeks, Quit using rapid taper over about 1 year 150mg to 100mg to 75mg to 50 mg to 25 mg to 12.5 mg to 0mg.

 

Klonopin (Clonazepam) 0.5 mg as needed
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 3/1/2000

Quit cold turkey after one month.

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  • 1 month later...

Chiming in to provide an update. I am starting to see signs of improvement. I am still in a cycle of waves and windows, but the waves are much shorter and the windows are getting much longer. My ability to handle stress is improving but it can still set me back into a wave. My sleep patterns have been fairly consistent lately which is encouraging. My mood still has a tendency to swing erratically at times but it's not occurring as often as before. I still have some cognitive issues, mainly with my ability to read and retain information. This has been a struggle since taking these toxic drugs and has not improved much. I am hoping this does eventually return to an acceptable level because this bothers me a great deal.

BrokenWings: Introduction

 

Zoloft (Sertraline) 50 mg to 150 mg
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 1/26/2018

Quit cold turkey, Quit multiple times using recommended tapering from a psychiatrist over 2 weeks, Quit using rapid taper over about 1 year 150mg to 100mg to 75mg to 50 mg to 25 mg to 12.5 mg to 0mg.

 

Klonopin (Clonazepam) 0.5 mg as needed
Start Date: 2/1/2000
End Date: 3/1/2000

Quit cold turkey after one month.

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