DaBro 2 years, not 2 weeks Pfizer, but finally healed

[angela9985]

Hi, thank you for posting this success story, and hope you live long and prosper. Just wanna ask did you experience things getting worse before getting better? I have lots of drug changes last November, for two weeks it's hell, then in December things get better, but since January things are getting worse for me, my baseline drops dramaticly. I feel like I am losing it. I am sorry for my desperation.

[DaBro]

Hi @angela9985  sorry for not replying sooner. I didn’t polydrug so can’t really comment on the impact that might have. There are other mentors on here who probably can. 
 

on the worse before better question, I would say yes and no. What I found were that waves were different intensity and duration but also symptoms were different. I used to keep an excel file which I updated daily with my level of fatigue and intensity of symptoms. I scored both 0 to 5. What I found (and felt) was that some waves were longer or worse than others but my level of functioning in each window was better. It was of course very slow. 
 

When you’re in the depths of a wave, you can feel terrible, hopeless and like you’ll never improve. I found reflecting on things by reminding myself where I was 3,6,12 months ago helped and reminded me I was improving. The excel spreadsheet (and my wife) did that for me. 
 

I would also say that during my first year of WD, things did get worse. I quit on 1/11/18 and my symptoms did get worse for 12-18 months, then started improving 18-36 when I wrote my story. I never reinstated as I didn’t want to reset the clock and restart the WD process. The timeframe is different for everyone but unfortunately it is months/years for many but we heal. 
 

[peaceandlove]

On 10/29/2021 at 2:28 AM, DaBro said:

November 1st will be my 3 year milestone, so I thought I'd post a short update. I'm continuing to improve and am doing things that wouldn't have been possible a year or two ago, but am a little frustrated that I'm not fully out of the woods yet.

 

In terms of symptoms, I can say the following have now completely gone; dizziness, balance issues, brain zaps (though I still get some weird head sensations I'll describe later), food intolerances, voice loss, black dog days and feelings of doom. Symptoms that have nearly gone or are very mild; gastro issues and tremors - I get minor eye and leg shakes once or twice a month, only really at bedtime for a minute or so.

 

I am 3 months into a new job, which I'm enjoying. It has international travel and is fairly full on. I'm finding this tiring and I know my mental stamina isn't back to where it was - yet. I do get the odd day I struggle to get to sleep when I'm travelling, but I sleep well at home, sometimes for 9-10 hours. That's such an improvement over the bad old days where horrible insomnia persisted. In fact It's now been 6 months since I had a bad night in my own home. The only other symptoms that persists are tinnitus, morning cortisol rush for 30-60 minutes, feeling of sewing/twinges in my head and pressure behind my left eye (and the odd short lived leg and eye tremor). I do get a lot of flashbacks too and keep remembering unhelpful things from school days, but I know it's just healing/brain recalibrating and is the back end of WD and will go. It's improving over time.

 

If I were to think of an analogy, it's like my house completely fell apart at the worst point of WD. The house has been rebuilt, the cupboards are up and the rooms furnished, but at the moment there's still some things on the floor or in the wrong place and I know the symptoms are my brain sorting out those last bits. It may go on for a while yet, but it's manageable, it's improving and I'm 95+% back to my old self. I just still need to pace myself a bit.

 

Wishing you all patience and peace in your journeys to recovery.

Hey  Are these flashbacks of unwanted memories you speak of gone yet ? 

[DaBro]

Yes, I remember a 6-12 month period during WD when all kind of unwanted stuff from my past came flooding into my head. Think it was in year 2-3 after my cold turkey. I don’t get it now. 

[Comecloser80]

@DaBro Hi, I notice you mentioning about 4:00am wake up during your withdrawal. I am 20 weeks out and still waking up at 4:00am everyday single day and can’t really sleep after that. I tend to dose on and off but I don’t feel like I slept after waking up at 4:00am. 
I have completely lost my napping capability even after a poor night sleep. 
 

is that what like for you too? Is it related to withdrawal or something else? My other symptoms have lessened and my symptoms seems to be milder compare to previous months. 
 

Does broken sleep gets better with time? Will I be able to nap again? 
Is there any supplements do you recommend to tackle early awakenings? 
 

please share your experience!!! 
🙏

 

[DaBro]

7 hours ago, Purae said:

@DaBro Hi, I notice you mentioning about 4:00am wake up during your withdrawal. I am 20 weeks out and still waking up at 4:00am everyday single day and can’t really sleep after that. I tend to dose on and off but I don’t feel like I slept after waking up at 4:00am. 
I have completely lost my napping capability even after a poor night sleep. 
 

is that what like for you too? Is it related to withdrawal or something else? My other symptoms have lessened and my symptoms seems to be milder compare to previous months. 
 

Does broken sleep gets better with time? Will I be able to nap again? 
Is there any supplements do you recommend to tackle early awakenings? 
 

please share your experience!!! 
🙏

 

Hi @Purae  my experience was exactly as you describe. I know how frustrating it is to wake at 4:00 and how hard it makes the day when you have to function with reduced sleep. 
 

yes, it did improve with time for me. I remember the first time I slept until 7:00 am and felt so happy. First I would get 1 good night every now and then, then 2 then 3, then back to 2. Kind of 1 step backwards and 2 forwards. 
 

it took a few months but eventually it reduced to around 1 bad night per week. I still do get them now, but it’s once or twice a month at worst. I’m over 50, so that might be normal anyway. 
 

tips:

 

I found magnesium Glycinate helps me to stay asleep. It looks like you are taking that.  I took 160mg 1 hour before bedtime. 
 

if I did wake then I would lie and stay calm and try to think of nothing. If my mind was active I would do A to Z of things in my head, anything…cities, rivers, fruits, cars, just to distract, then try to think of nothing. 
 

if I was awake over 1 hour, or woke at 1-2am I would go to a comfy chair with my kindle and read and sleep, sometimes with a herbal or mint tea. I found raising my head above my body or simply the change in environment helped. 
 

hang in there. It will improve. 

[peaceandlove]

On 5/26/2023 at 12:03 AM, DaBro said:

Yes, I remember a 6-12 month period during WD when all kind of unwanted stuff from my past came flooding into my head. Think it was in year 2-3 after my cold turkey. I don’t get it now. 

Thank you this symptom went away for me but now I am in an intense wave I think triggered by a medicine I took and it came back. Is that normal, for symptoms to come back later??

 

also we’re you ever sensitive to smells? I was by some bug spray & all of a sudden anxiety came rushing through my body with intrusive thoughts as I smelt it   once I got away my body calmed down @DaBro

 

[DaBro]

Occasionally I’d get old symptoms coming back for a surprise visit. I remember intrusive flashbacks and imbalance and lost voice suddenly reappearing for 1 off exclusive visits last year and I still get the odd zap and tremor. 
 

As for sensitivity to things, our CNS is fragile during recovery. I see people connecting all kinds of things to symptoms. Caffeine, hay fever medication etc. I think everyone is right but everyone is different. Simply understanding that you are fragile but healing and that some things will trigger symptoms sometimes allows you to understand and accept. I had a wave this Jan-Feb. First one in months. Since then I’ve been ok. WD doesn’t just stop one day, the waves just get less intense and happen less often and start to become insignificant. Don’t forget that recovery is a 1 step back 2 steps forward process.
 

My advice would be to provide a stable platform to heal. Don’t be a monk but likewise don’t do things to excess. Stability, patience, self kindness and going with the flow in waves and windows knowing each day is a day closer and that waves can’t be avoided. They are part of healing. 

 

I don’t recall ever being sensitive to smells, but prawns and mussels caused me problems, as did apples and sparkling water. Go figure? Probably potassium did me? I didn’t actually cut them out as I like them. Instead I enjoyed watching the intensity of the reaction to them reduce as I healed. 
 

Acceptance and patience are the most important things. 

[Chompoo]

@DaBro thank you for sharing. I'm 4 months off an immediate adverse reaction from ONE pill and food intolerance is one of my worst symptoms. I'm waiting for my reaction to food to fade over time, but it is such a slow process. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm cursed to suffer for years just because of ONE pill. But there's no help for it. I just have to accept that my brain and body are both fragile now and need lots of time to heal.
Love this post. You've been a real inspiration!

[DaBro]

So frustrating after just 1 pill. Hoping for a speedy recovery @Chompoo

[peaceandlove]

On 5/30/2023 at 2:10 AM, DaBro said:

Occasionally I’d get old symptoms coming back for a surprise visit. I remember intrusive flashbacks and imbalance and lost voice suddenly reappearing for 1 off exclusive visits last year and I still get the odd zap and tremor. 
 

As for sensitivity to things, our CNS is fragile during recovery. I see people connecting all kinds of things to symptoms. Caffeine, hay fever medication etc. I think everyone is right but everyone is different. Simply understanding that you are fragile but healing and that some things will trigger symptoms sometimes allows you to understand and accept. I had a wave this Jan-Feb. First one in months. Since then I’ve been ok. WD doesn’t just stop one day, the waves just get less intense and happen less often and start to become insignificant. Don’t forget that recovery is a 1 step back 2 steps forward process.
 

My advice would be to provide a stable platform to heal. Don’t be a monk but likewise don’t do things to excess. Stability, patience, self kindness and going with the flow in waves and windows knowing each day is a day closer and that waves can’t be avoided. They are part of healing. 

 

I don’t recall ever being sensitive to smells, but prawns and mussels caused me problems, as did apples and sparkling water. Go figure? Probably potassium did me? I didn’t actually cut them out as I like them. Instead I enjoyed watching the intensity of the reaction to them reduce as I healed. 
 

Acceptance and patience are the most important things. 

Thanks so much

[Ryder]

Thanks a lot DaBro. 

 

That was a good write up. 

[DaBro]

Today is my 5 year anniversary since stopping Sertraline CT so I thought I’d share an update on where I am. 
 

I guess firstly I’m a bit disappointed that I’m still not 100% over my symptoms but I’m pleased that things continue to improve. There’s a long tail in recovery!
 

The good side is that I’m improving and still working - over 3 years now. I’ve had long (several weeks) periods that I’ve felt 100% fine, including all my holidays fortunately. I’ve had some amazing times and have been fully present for them. I’m sleeping well with probably less than 10 or so bad nights in the last year. Emotional symptoms and dizzyness have been pretty much absent all year. I do pretty much what I want. It’s been pretty good. 
 

The lagging symptoms I’m still getting are more physical, especially in my head. I wake with a buzzing head pretty much every day for an hour or so and get frequent head pains and twinges. It’s like a knife in my head or pressure behind my left eye. It comes and goes. I still get the odd facial palsy and tremor too. I seem to get a lot of coughs and colds or at least the symptoms of coughs and colds. My gut goes a bit strange towards the end of a wave too. It’s more annoying than debilitating and I know it will pass. Exercise and distraction still helps. On my worst days I still do what I want but just ask for personal space and become a bit more reserved.
My wife and family comment how much better I am and I know it. 
 

I try not to get angry about it all because it doesn’t change anything. I try to treat it as just a thing that I’ve experienced and have managed with help from my family and this group. 
 

Sending best wishes and personal strength to you all in your recovery journeys. 

[arbor]

Thank you for the update @DaBro 🙏

[Giuly88]

Hi DaBro,

 

I read through your thread and I’m amazed of your strength and tenacity in going through and overcoming withdrawal.

 

I have a question: did you have muscle tension, tightening in your upper body such as neck, torso, back and ribs? If yes. How long did it take to improve/go away?

 

I live in the UK too and as you know GPs do not have the slightest idea of what they prescribing. I still can’t get my head round about what happened to me and many many others.

Peace and healing ❤️

 

 

 

 

 

[DaBro]

Thanks @Giuly88 for the nice message. It’s been a long journey with ups and downs. I’ve really only ever considered there to be 3 options.
 

1. Go back on Sertraline which I absolutely would not do and I don’t think would help at all

2. Give up completely. I got dark thoughts of this in the worst of WD, but I would not let this beat me or my family 

3. Keep going

 

So 3 is the only viable option. My wife is super supportive on the bad days. 
 

I didn’t really get muscle tension other than clawing of my hands, the face palsy but my neck goes super stiff at times with all the muscles and tendons in my neck sticking out. 
 

never found a fix other than deep breathing and waiting it out. 
 

my GP is starting to admit there is something in this, probably from the revised NICE guidance. I don’t blame him. Big pharma have deceived all the medical professionals for years, despite having information on WD for many years. 
 

your recent drug history looks like you’re adjusting what you take a lot based on how you feel on that day. I’d try to stabilise on a low or zero dose and would stay well clear of amytriptylene (1/2 a tablet turned me into a tired zombie). There are moderators on here who can probably help with that better than me. What I can say is you’ll have good and bad days and a little bit more or less of the escilatopran isn’t going to solve that. Your body needs stability. 
 

it’s a bit hard to understand your current dose. Are you at zero now?

[Giuly88]

51 minutes ago, DaBro said:

Thanks @Giuly88 for the nice message. It’s been a long journey with ups and downs. I’ve really only ever considered there to be 3 options.
 

1. Go back on Sertraline which I absolutely would not do and I don’t think would help at all

2. Give up completely. I got dark thoughts of this in the worst of WD, but I would not let this beat me or my family 

3. Keep going

 

So 3 is the only viable option. My wife is super supportive on the bad days. 
 

I didn’t really get muscle tension other than clawing of my hands, the face palsy but my neck goes super stiff at times with all the muscles and tendons in my neck sticking out. 
 

never found a fix other than deep breathing and waiting it out. 
 

my GP is starting to admit there is something in this, probably from the revised NICE guidance. I don’t blame him. Big pharma have deceived all the medical professionals for years, despite having information on WD for many years. 
 

your recent drug history looks like you’re adjusting what you take a lot based on how you feel on that day. I’d try to stabilise on a low or zero dose and would stay well clear of amytriptylene (1/2 a tablet turned me into a tired zombie). There are moderators on here who can probably help with that better than me. What I can say is you’ll have good and bad days and a little bit more or less of the escilatopran isn’t going to solve that. Your body needs stability. 
 

it’s a bit hard to understand your current dose. Are you at zero now?

Hi DaBro,

 

Thank you so much for your quick reply. I have not really reinstated. I’m waiting it out. It has been 11 months now and many things  have gotten better including my sleep which has now resumed completely.

 

It is the muscle tension, tightening and jerks that are afflicting me and preventing me from reclaiming my life and going back to work.

 

Did you watch the BBC panorama documentary? 
 

I intend to campaign so that antidepressants are no longer prescribed unnecessarily although I strongly believe that they are never necessary other than for serious/severe mental/neurological life threatening/disabling disorders such as epilepsy and/or schizophrenia.

 

Peace and continuing healing ❤️

 

 

 

 

[DaBro]

Sounds good. I think a lot of your 2023 dates in your signature should read 2022. 11 months off is good. 
 

I was ‘lucky’ in that my tremors and muscle tightening seemed to mainly occur on waking or at bedtime. I got very little during the workday. I also work from home mostly so in bad moments I can take some time out. 
 

I did see panorama. All true. Good luck with your mission. 

[Giuly88]

21 minutes ago, DaBro said:

Sounds good. I think a lot of your 2023 dates in your signature should read 2022. 11 months off is good. 
 

I was ‘lucky’ in that my tremors and muscle tightening seemed to mainly occur on waking or at bedtime. I got very little during the workday. I also work from home mostly so in bad moments I can take some time out. 
 

I did see panorama. All true. Good luck with your mission. 

Basically the last time I was on escitalopram was last February 2023 after reinstating it in December 2022. I was on and off since 2016 because bizarre symptoms used to occur after few months and could not understand why (hyperventilation, nocturnal insomnia and jerks) and so I used to link it to perimenopause and my under active thyroid not knowing that it was withdrawal and as result I would go back on the antidepressant.
 

I only found this forum in January and realised for the first time what had been happening to me for years, what I didn’t know, what I was not told.

 

So I weaned off in 2 weeks and stopped altogether 14th February of this year. The myriad of physical symptoms that I developed straight after stopping was insane leading me to believe I had kindled myself therefore I chose not to reinstate. I only took one half tablet of 2.5mg last June out of despair to see whether it would relax my muscles but sadly it didn’t so I have been off ever since. 

 

Upon reflection of the many times I stopped or resumed back again, I grew terrified of what I had done to my poor brain and body. I put 2 and 2 together and I became very hopeless and extremely frightened that I would be doomed for ever with no hope for recovery.

 

I just have to hope that these muscle tightening and clenching will stop one day soon so that I can be the mother and wife that I want to be for my two lovely children and husband.

 

Love to you and your family ❤️

[DaBro]

Very similar reduction to me. I did a pretty coarse reduction over 2 weeks back in Oct 2018. Was zero from 1/11/18. I hoped symptoms would be gone by Xmas 2018 (Ha Ha)
 

WD was bad and after a few months my doctor suggested Amitryptylene. I had half a tablet and it was horrific. 
 

you will get there. Sounds like things are improving already. 
 

stay strong. 

[Giuly88]

18 hours ago, DaBro said:

Very similar reduction to me. I did a pretty coarse reduction over 2 weeks back in Oct 2018. Was zero from 1/11/18. I hoped symptoms would be gone by Xmas 2018 (Ha Ha)
 

WD was bad and after a few months my doctor suggested Amitryptylene. I had half a tablet and it was horrific. 
 

you will get there. Sounds like things are improving already. 
 

stay strong. 

Thank you DaBro and you too. 
 

 

[trina1981]

Do you need anything for depression at this point?

What about exercise? I get very sick if I exercise. This is the most brutal part of my journey. I have 3 mountain bikes ( believe me there are  3 types of mountain biking one can do, cross country and downhill skis, a snowboard, snow shoes and ice spikes for winter hiking. If I do anything longer than an hour or so I am in acute withdrawal for days or longer. I feel like I’m waiting for my life to restart.
I can’t accept my situation. I know no other life than sports. Even my volunteer jobs are sports related. The hardest part is not knowing when I will be able to restart my life.

Part of the acute withdrawal is the depression when I exercise. Or even when I don’t, but it’s so intense when I do and goes on forever, I’ve never been able to stop completely exercising because I don’t want to turn into a pile of fat. (and when I say exercise, I mean walking my dog briskly and  resistance bands) because of this I am never really in a window. I’ve been in a 20 month wave.

Your story is encouraging. Thank you.

[DaBro]

Well I have 3 mountain bikes too and I’m skiing this week, so we have a lot in common. 
 

I was depressed with the misery of acute WD too. I didn’t take anything but I was hard work to live with. I just kept quoting Winston Churchill to myself - when you’re in hell, keep going. Each day is 1 day closer to WD normal. 
 

on exercise, I experienced the worst of WD during Covid. I did daily short walks and couldn’t have done a ride. No energy or motivation. Covid was a kind of convenient excuse for not riding with friends. It will get better. I rode across the Pyrenees last year. 900km and 22,000climbing. 
 

you will get there!

[trina1981]

Thanks so much!! I did 25 minutes resistance band exercises tonight abd a 30 minute walk with my dog. I now can’t sleep and have tremors . Tomorrow may be rough too. Far cry from my 25-36 days of snowboarding/ skiing. I live near the Canadian Rockies. I am so thankful that last year and this season are the worst snow years I’ve ever seen. Most of my friends had only 1-2 days last year and it looks the same this season. 
Thanks again 

T

[TomatoSauce]

Nicely done ! Seeing that you have little symptoms now and you have Tinnitus and Insomnia in the past and gone. Little have you mention on Tinnitus, do you still have it these days?

 

[DaBro]

Unfortunately yes, typically in the morning and evening most noticeably but sometimes through the day. Playing music distracts me from it. 

[KenA]

After 4 years, I still have a bit of tinnitus as well, but like you said it comes and goes. Most days I can ignore it and not even think about it. Slowly but surely it will go