success ☼ Aria: My Psych Journey

[Aria]

Lately I've been having PTSD from my psychiatric mishap. I read member "Whatever's" intro posts and related to it so much.

 

25 years ago I was in an auto accident and sustained severe soft tissue damage. This wasn't acknowledged by the doctors so they couldn't understand why I was such pain and having spasms. Here I was an young woman not on any medications, had an excellent supervisory position wearing my designer suits and living a nice life. The pain caused me not to sleep so things went down hill form there. I was feeling miserable and somehow ended up at my city's so-called top notched psychiatrist. He was so nice and more than happy to "help me". I was desperate for sleep and thought he could help when the other docs didn't. The drugs started coming (the whole PDR), my body reacted with horrid side effects he saw as worsening mental illness and I was getting all sorts of labels. I thought he knew what he was doing after all he was a physician. I ended up leaving my job, gaining 100 pounds, developed Tardive Dyskinesia, had common drug side effects he kept telling me he'd never heard of, had no idea how drugged I was or seemed to others, my pdoc changed my meds constantly and told me I would be on these drugs forever just like a diabetic needed insulin. I thought I was mentally ill, surely I was crazy because I felt so strange (not knowing it was the drugs) and could never get better because the pdoc told me so.

 

On one visit in 2002 I really wasn't feeling well and the pdoc said I just anxious. I was pale, sweating and had edema. A medical doctor would have examined me and found these alarming symptoms - pdocs don't exam you let alone take you seriously. My pdoc had not been doing the necessary blood work for the drugs he had me on or he's seen my elevated numbers (I had Seroquel Diabetes). The next evening I was in the ER fighting for my life due to Acute Pancreatitis. I was told I would die in a few hours. I spent 2 months in the hospital. The pdoc came to see me and put in my open medical chart I was psychotic and denying having hallucinations (what??). I saw this when I requested my medical records and it was the start of my psych wake up. My ICU adventure had flushed the psyche drugs from my mind and after 15 years I could think clearly again.

 

By chance I picked up a book called "Toxic Drugs" and when I read it said That's ME. OMG I had Seroquel Induced Pancreatitis'''' About the same time I saw a neurologist who said I had the worse Akathisia he had ever seen. Akathisia? What is that? That was what had almost killed me not being able to stay still, to not be able to sleep, pacing all the time. I went back to my pdoc and he said what is this letter saying you have Akathisia? He looked at me like "You really have this, huh?" He said stop the Seroquel you won't have a problem doing this. So I did and went into w/d hell. The same visit I pointedly asked the pdoc "What have you been doing to me prescribing all these drugs?" I listed the numerous terrible side effects I'd had and the pdoc took a loud gasp of air. He actually starting apologizing. He realized he's wrongly prescribed and labeled me. I suddenly became a liability as his patient and this was all evident by his facial expressions. Later I got most of my medical chart from him through an attorney (curiosity) and I have to say he really didn't know what the hell he had been doing. Reading the letter he'd written to another doctor after he realized I was a liability was shocking...he tried his best to discredit me.

 

With my "Toxic Drugs" book in hand and sparse other knowledge I started my journey off all my 5 psychiatric drugs (antidepressants, benzos, crap). I was already dealing with Seroquel c/t too. No words can fully describe what I went through.

 

Here I am thinking I'm free--off all of my psych drugs, restarting my life, never seeing another psychiatrist again, losing the 100 pounds and planning so much to do once more. Being on massive neuroleptics long term is never good. It causes Mitochondrial Dysfunction which cause neurological disease. One of them is CIDP and I got it. It's a nasty illness that destroys the nerve covering (myelin). You start losing the ability to walk, use your hands/arms, double vision, trouble swallowing, unbelievable pain and other fun stuff. With my psych diagnosis out for docs to see I was told repeatedly I was crazy and denied referrals but I knew better. I finally was correctly diagnosed with real tests instead of hearsay and my treatment started for CIDP. It involves many hours a month having infusions and somehow I partly regained lost functions.

 

The TD has mostly gone away (facial tics and rapidly blinking eye) and the neuroleptics horrid muscle spasms and neck twisting too. The CIDP is permanent.

 

Today I am the lady who is soft spoken (as I was pre-psych), stays busy, gets together with friends but who has this ugly little secret in regards to a 15 year history as a psychiatric patient. I cringe at the thought my psych diagnosis will come out and I'll lose all credibility.I did have other docs say nothing has been wrong with me but my psych diagnosis is in my med charts somewhere. This is why I'm posting on this site. I'm still scared, upset, angry 10 years later. I get mad at myself for being so vulnerable, naive, losing so many years I can never get back. I realize this is normal after what I went through and I have no one to discuss it with.

 

Thank you for reading this. I feel better already letting this out.

[Skyler]

Aria, thank you for sharing your journey. It's a cautionary tale, and helps more fully understand just how devastating the effects of these drugs can be. Your psychs treatment of you was criminal, but you know this. You have a good heart and none should discount your journey because of all the mistreatment you were subjected to. I'm sure you are a good friend, and those you spend time with are the better for it. Schuyler

[Jemima]

Aria, there are many of us who've been taken in by the 'psychiatric mystique', regardless of intelligence level or education. When I was a kid, doctors were actually interested in finding the cause of a patient's illness and a way to cure it, but today medicine is nothing more than prescribing for the alleviation of symptoms, and that rather haphazardly. Modern medicine does not deserve the respect it got when I was much younger, but I was trained to think that doctors knew more than I did (which, back then, was likely true) and to respect their greater knowledge.

 

A friend and I were just talking about how we now have to second-guess everything doctors do because we can no longer trust them to know what they're doing. She now checks every prescription that's given to her elderly mother and has found quite a few mistakes. I've been seriously ill three times in the past two years and in every instance a prescription drug is what made me sick. My friend stays away from doctors and I'm seriously considering severing all relations with mine.

 

I am grateful that I found all of this out before any permanent damage was done. Many people I know are still under the delusion that mainstream medicine is there to help us and they aren't going to believe otherwise until they get hurt.

 

Welcome to the forum. You'll find many kindred spirits here.

[Nikki]

You are med-free and 100 lbs. lighter. You are strong person who pulled herself out of Drug-Hell. That's something to be proud of. We are all aiming to pull off what you did.

 

Thank you for posting. It sounds like you embarrassed by your Psych Journey and are afraid for anyone to find out. I too, share and embarrassment. It has improved alot since knowing how so many people end up on this same path.

 

You were misdiagnosed and feed meds you didn't need, and the topper was being told to just stop taking them.

 

I am glad you are well. I think most people have varying degress of PTSD. We are human. I believe I have a PTSD from withdrawal. It is a huge fear I have. You have had your share of traumatizing events.

 

Thanks again for telling us your story.

 

Best Regards

Nikki

[Altostrata]

Aria, I am so sorry you went through this, the entire gamut of psychiatric drug hell. You must be a very strong person to survive all that.

 

Thank you for joining us and telling your story.

 

Very happy to hear the tardive dyskinesia and akathisia went away. Do you remember how they resolved?

[Aria]

Alto,

 

I think time helped the TD mostly go away. It's been 8 1/2 years since I've been off all of the psych drugs. I still had eye blinking even up till 2006. I may still have some facial tics and some eye blinking but with my vision issues I can't tell for sure. Now because I have a bonified neurological disease it may be considered part of my nerve damage due to CIDP.

 

I thank the heavens the Akathisia went away. During my taper it was even worse but I held steady. I would walk in the moonlight and pouring rain when I couldn't stand being indoors and needed to pace. My wonderful ally was Belle Ruth Naparstak's soothing CD's that helped calm my wildest anxiety. I wore out 2 portable CD players.

 

My biggest fear is me having to go to the ER and somehow my records pop up with "crazy" on them. I may not be considered to really be ill. I systematically had deleted paragraphs and "lost" certain records from my medical records I hand carried to my new Internists and Specialists (2003+). I was shocked at the medical profession's prejudice against mentally ill patients and how the doctors treated me differently. I had to be hospitalized (1998?) because the side effects were so bad and my family doctor actually tried to have me discharged thinking I was faking (he'd seen a diagnosis in my file). The head nurse came to my room and said I too ill so she was going to handle it. She and the other nurses had seen a very polite lady in the room. They had no reason to think other wise. If I had not been a person with a mental illness per say there would not of been a problem.

 

Thank you for such a warm welcome. I hope my story of successfully stopping psych drugs may help others and I can be an asset on this forum.

[Aria]

I wanted you to know recovery is possible no matter how hard the withdrawals were. I now sleep well and this was me on multiple sleep drugs plus neuroleptics for many years and now I do NOT take anything to sleep. It does take time for our bodies and our brains to try and recoup and heal.

 

I had kept records and journals of my taper and finally threw them all out. It was a awful reminder of what I went through while being doing my best to reclaim myself off drugs. At times my heart was pounding so much from w/d I thought I would surely die and then the fear someone would find these records thinking what in the world??

 

I am glad to be a member of this site and it helps me on my continuing recovery journey. I see so many struggling with their journey and getting the needed help, support and information online/this site to make better choices. I had told certain friends about my psych experience and they in turn have helped others know these drugs were causing their friends problems.

 

I had no doctor I could go to for help when doing my multi-drug taper and was afraid I'd be seen as "non-complaint" and the possible repercussions because of this. This fear keeps some of us quiet when we are suffering terribly from w/d. I flew below the radar for years and still do. I still harbor great resentment towards my former psychiatry for prescribing drugs that caused me horrid side effects, Akathisia and Tardive Dyskinesia. It has opened my eyes to be vigilant with any meds and I am now only on the very fewest because I have a neuro-muscular illness.

 

The new electronic medical record system concerns me. What is being sent to other doctors that we don't know about?

 

I thank all of you for sharing and I truly hope we can help others before they have to go through withdrawal.

[Altostrata]

Thank you, Aria. Your hard-won wisdom will help others to recover. Please encourage others when you can.

[Barbarannamated]

Aria,

thank you for sharing your journey. I relate to so much of it, especially the fear of needing medical help and being jettisoned to psychiatry. The electronic medical records are already evident in my area that is controlled by 2 hospitals. Few doctors are independent of them.

 

Thank you again.

 

B

[Aria]

Aria,

thank you for sharing your journey. I relate to so much of it, especially the fear of needing medical help and being jettisoned to psychiatry. The electronic medical records are already evident in my area that is controlled by 2 hospitals. Few doctors are independent of them.

 

Thank you again.

 

B

 

Yes, I also live in an area that is controlled by 2 mega hospital systems with 95% of the doctors working directly for them. My medical history is mostly in one hospital's system. I'm not sure if my diagnoses are evident as to a list to whoever looks into my file/electronic chart or they have to dig. Goodness if my psych diagnose popped up on page one I''d get tossed from the ER or treated rudely as a patient again. It's been ten years since I went to that one hospital. Any ideas to see what is where in my hospital records?

 

Today I felt my upper lip twitch and twitch. I think it's more likely Tardive Dyskinesia than the CIDP....

[Barbarannamated]

Alex recently reviewed his records. I don't know where one would look within the records, but they can be requested from Medical Records for a fee. Someone who joined here not long ago is a Medical Records person. I'm sorry, I forget who it is.

 

I definitely am not in emotional strength to do that right now. Maybe someday. I really hate these drugs. I knew Zoloft caused bruxism (part of the head/neck pain that disabled me 11 yrs ago), but to read of the drug-induced lupus put me in orbit.

 

Please keep us posted.

[Karma]

You can request copies of your medical records. You may have to pay for the digital media or paper if they print them out, but you have a right to a copy.

 

I don't know if you can refute any diagnosis or information in the medical record, I doubt it.

 

Chances are there is a certain location in the electronic record where the diagnosis codes (ICD) are captured. Anyone looking at the record would need to know what code goes with what diagnosis. Physicians, nurses, physician's assistants all know what the codes mean or can cross-reference them and look them up. You can look them up on the internet. But someone casually looking at your medical record probably cannot tell what you are diagnosed with.

 

In my opinion, we just need to stay out of hospitals. Educate yourself about what you've gone through and stand your ground with health care providers.

 

Love and light,

Karma

[Barbarannamated]

DSM and ICD codes, I would think. I realize there's overlap. Never understood the need for 2 billing codes.

[Aria]

The last time I was hospitalized was for Pancreatitis and my pdoc who dropped by had put in the open floor med chart I was severely mentally ill (he basically ruined my credibility). My psych diagnosis was now there for all the staff doctors to read instead of how it is kept private if by chance you are in the psychiatric ward. I remember one staff doc who kept saying I needed to go home as I was only mentally ill (I had Acute Pancreatitis'') and I said why are you saying this? He had read it in my chart and being a real jerk decided to have fun with "the mentally ill patient" who no one would believe he was harassing. I was too ill to do anything about this and when I tried he repeatedly said I was delusional and he had never said anything out of the way to me. Now I wish I had pursued the matter more but I was too tired, too ill and had no one to help me with it.

 

All in all things like this helped me get off all the psych drugs and realize how psychiatry was ruining my life. Being so physically ill from Pancreatitis had flushed the psych drugs from my body and my mind so I was thinking clearly again after many years. I realized I couldn't have my life taken away from me because one psychiatrist said I was a mentally ill. Other doctors later said I was lucid off the drugs and had not be mentally ill in the first place. Maybe I should get a mentally sane letter to carry with me?

 

I may request some hospital records to see what is on the first 20 pages and specifically ask for diagnoses.

 

Thank you all for the input.

[Barbarannamated]

Aria,

I would pursue that if I was strong enough. It would be difficult, no doubt, but I would do it to

1) "undiagnosed" myself or at the very least have the underlying endocrine issue added as medical causes for depression. There IS a DSM code for this.

2) insurance reasons - mental illness is a HUGE risk in obtaining insurance and determining rates for both health and life insurance. Just GOING TO A THERAPIST or taking an antidepressant puts one in a high risk category. Having been hospitalized and in a detox facility (self) is a different ballgame than outpatient treatment.

 

I chatted with a few lawyers at the ISEPP Conference in Los Angeles last October who were talking about possible suits involving insurance companies ( partnering with insurance companies). I can't recall the details or theory right now.

 

It would undoubtedly involve a lawyer and alot of grief, but if I was strong enough, I would pursue it.

 

Just my humble opinion.

[Aria]

Quote from my last post:

"I remember one staff doc who kept saying I needed to go home as I was only mentally ill (I had Acute Pancreatitis'') and I said why are you saying this? He had read it in my chart and being a real jerk decided to have fun with "the mentally ill patient" who no one would believe he was harassing. I was too ill to do anything about this and when I tried he repeatedly said I was delusional and he had never said anything out of the way to me. Now I wish I had pursued the matter more but I was too tired, too ill and had no one to help me with it".

 

Barbarannamated---

The quoted paragraph happened 10 years ago...my last hospital stay. I wrote about it show how non-psych doctors can be and at the time horrified by it.

 

Writing about what happened to me is rather cathartic. I'm not a bitter person but the memories of psychiatric harm are evident. One of my siblings is a therapist and went I try to talk about this they stammer. I don't tell others about my history not want to. How could they understand the implications or how very wrong seeking help turned out to be? Being psych drug free has been both my validation and feeling of valor these many years.

[Barbarannamated]

Aria,

Thank you for that. I have not told anyone although my family/friends did know I went to detox the "big bad opiates" that were -according to psychiatry- interfering with the various antidepressants and preventing them from working. It was an outright lie resulting in a traumatic experience and 'detox failure' when I left ama. I read my Endocrinologist notes recently and it was in there (same hospital system). I think it may have attributed weight loss to opiates, which CAN happen although I was on a very low, closely monitored dose. My pain docs (2) had no idea what the psychiatrists meant by the drugs interfering, told me to go to the other hospital in area. I did and they used the same tactic. I have found no medical literature to support their claim (and I can usually find any hypothesis supported in a lit search!).

 

I think Nikki said she has a form of PTSD from the whole w/d experience. I feel that way strongly from the whole 2 decades of life stolen (especially last 10 years) with hospitalizations being a major part (both voluntary). Who does one go to for therapy due to trauma caused by psychiatry?? It's impossible to explain to someone who has not been in the inhumane system, having all of your possessions taken, being watched when you shower.

 

Sorry to spew on your thread. Ive had a hellish last week. Cant find any fight.

[Aria]

On this rainy day I think I'll go through the stack of old medical records and see what needs to be shredded. I also have most of my psyche records and it's time to purge some of it. This was one psychiatrist's idea of what was wrong with me. He did his office notes for all his patients at the end of the day and he wrote I was a mystery to him. If I was such a mystery why did he keep prescribing me drugs? Looking back I'm aghast I really took all of this crap seriously and got lead down a dark path with mind numbing drugs.

 

On a good note planted new zinnias out front in places left bare by a recent heat wave. I love to garden and it's something I took up again after my psych misfortune. One of my siblings said I stayed inside a dark house all day and when I try to tell her how being on drugs affected me I doubt she gets it. This sibling is a therapist and so I must wonder how she sees her clients?? Is she aware of what drugs psychiatrists are giving to people today? Freedom from psych drugs is like planting new flowers. The plants can grow because they have the freedom to instead of being feed noxious poison.

[Aria]

I was reading psychiatric diagnosis criteria and had to laugh about ones for "Disorganized Thought". I have a friend who is long winded and there is actually a psychiatric diagnosis for this called a "thought disorder".

 

Over and over I have read a psych diagnosis should always rule out any medications being a cause for said behavior. How in the world can a psychiatrist give someone 6 powerful drugs and not think that their behavior will not be affected? The answer is he is not looking at the patient only through them. He actually had me on 3 different benzos at the same time and up to 10 mg of Xanax a day for my drug induced anxiety. If I only could had recorded my psychiatrist's expression when he realized he had screwed up diagnosing and prescribing me. It in no way erased or lessened what he had done to me.

 

I was on so much crap I could barely function and I am still surprised I was allowed to drive in that condition. I was legally drunk from multiple prescribed psych drugs and my reflexes were zilch.

 

I couldn't sleep for 72 hours at a time, had to pace non stop and felt like I couldn't breath because of Akathisia. I had no idea what akathisia was and the physician kept telling me is was ME. So he added more drugs. I couldn't think clearly from taking these drugs so he said I was very ill and added another drug. Again it was ME. He called my upsetting problems Extra Pyramidal Symptoms (or just EPS) and I had no idea this was Tardive Dyskinesia, Akathisia or Dystonia (drug side effects). I still have TD (rapid blinking and facial tightness) and I'm pretty sure the forehead and mouth twitches have abated. I know my neurologist staff had mentioned the eye blinking but I stayed mum about ever taking anti psychotics. Is this fair?? For me...yes. I've been dragged through psychiatric hell and I deserve to have the rest of my life free from being labeled as mentally ill.

 

One thing I will always remember is other doctors later said nothing was wrong with me. This was me OFF the drugs. In my medical charts I still have copies of: "patient is off her psychiatric drugs and completely lucid". Music to my ears. I had been told repeatedly by one psychiatrist I was irreversibly damaged and would need to take these drugs forever. He was so wrong and it this cost me 15 years.

 

I find many here who have gone through much like me and when I find this very sad it is also validating to know I wasn't alone. I don't tell my new friends about my psych past and rarely talk about it with others who know because they can't fathom the hurt. At least coming here to write my dis-concerning thoughts makes me breath a little easier. I am glad I have my clarity of mind and when I can lay my head down to rest the akathisia is no more.

 

Thank you.

[Barbarannamated]

Aria,

 

Very brave of you to go thru your records. I know I couldnt do that at this point, maybe ever. Very interesting that your doc admitted you were a mystery. Do you know what perplexed him?

 

3 benzos...wow.

 

Hugs.

B

[Altostrata]

Speaks volumes for the state of psychiatric prescribing. Many doctors don't know what they're doing.

[Aria]

Thought I write a little today. I really haven't read much of my psyche records. What I have read are ridiculous notes that make little sense to me or to a therapist friend who also was reading them. I can't understand from what the psychiatrist wrote that would in any way justify putting me on anti-psychotics and various other psyche meds at the same time??

 

The Ten Year Anniversary:

I have my hospital records from 10 years ago when I was a a patient for Seroquel Induced Acute Pancreatitis and saw the shrink had down that I was denying having hallucinations. When I pointed asked him why he wrote this he said it was because I thought I heard the phone ring when I had been in his office a few times previously. I reiterated to him that I was a sleep when I thought I heard the phone. I was dreaming it. He literally took out of context an innocuous comment and to him I was being psychotic. So I have in my open hospital records I'm having hallucinations and I'm psychotic?? Geez....

This should be hilarious but it's not.

 

It's been 10 long years and this was the start of me getting off the psych drugs and becoming ME again psych drug free. I do have residue damage as I have a delayed response to situations but I still react correctly. It's like protected layer in a way and no one seems to notice it. My concentration and emotional response were damaged after such polydrugging. Now it seems like a bad dream I went through. I am thankful for what I can do. Still the quiet lady with the soft voice.

 

I was talking to a neighbor and she said she didn't know how people got on all of that psychiatric crap. Then she surprised me by saying she was glad she had her Prozac and Klonopin... Haha.

 

I'm been reading the forum postings and think it's great more and more are becoming aware of the dangers of psychiatry and psychiatric drugs.

 

I wish all of you the best and getting of psyche drugs can be done. I tapered off 6 in a haphazard way the best I knew how to.

[Altostrata]

Yep, the alternate reality of psychiatric diagnosis.

 

How are you feeling now, Aria?

[Aria]

What I meant to say is I heard the phone ring when in my home not the doctor's office. He did write later in my medical office records "patient was hearing the phone ring when she was a sleep". So this negates me having been diagnosed as hallucinating in my hospital records?? Crapolla.

 

I did get a letter from him saying my diagnosis had changed but he had the original one in the letter. Sorta like saying "Aria is no longer a crazy person just a semi-crazy person". What a bunch of crap. How can a serous and so-called permanent mental illness suddenly change?? We all know it is a true science and can never be invalidated...haha. Suddenly I was Depressed not crazy. Hmmm. He was so scared of a lawsuit. I hope he sweated bullets for the 3 year lawsuit discovery period thinking I'd sue him. I do love the fact I got a copy of a letter he wrote another doctor and he lied his butt off in it: "Aria will try to say her Tardive Dyskinesia was caused by the psychiatric drugs she was on". I had TD, Dystonia and Akathsia and I was only on the neuroleptices and other psych drugs???

 

I'm doing OK. Just like I wrote-I think what happened to me was like a horrible nightmare and even now it's surreal. I seriously had thought of getting a tee shirt made that says "Drugged Crazy" to proudly wear. It seems strange to have this detached affect but it's due to being polydrugged for years. My brain had been chemically altered by powerful psyche drugs and it's doing its best to deal with this.

 

Excuse my ramblings but a little humor is sorely needed when writing about what I went through.

 

 

Altostrata,

 

Thank you for your postings to my Intro thread. I needed to hear them.

[BRapsidy]

Aria thank you for being such a courageous person and sharing your story. You have been through so much and you are an inspiration to others (and me). I cannot imagine what it has been like for you, but your anger is justified. You deserve all the happiness you can get out of life. Take care and hugs!!

[Aria]

I was reading a few posts and have to say how very sad it is many are still being unnecessarily drugged. I truly do not understand this and hope...really hope...the dangers about psyche drugs would be more widespread. Coming off these drugs is horrible. Years ago I was driving and the w/d akathsia was so bad I had to pull off the road where I ran around the car screaming. I just had to run it off and I didn't care who in the blazes saw me do this. I still can't believe I did that.

 

Maybe we should start a thread on "Crazy W/D Happenings"?

 

I am thankful I was able to regroup and find some peace after all I went through. It is amazing I came out in one piece from poly drugging and the arduous hell of tapering. I wear my invisible badge with awe.

 

It's beautiful day and I'm going back outside to enjoy it.

[Nikki]

Hi Aria....you are one courageous lady

 

How long are you off meds? How long did it take for you to feel better or like your old self after you got off the meds?

 

I keep thinking, wow you lost 100 pounds & med free.

 

You have shared that you are concerned about your medication history popping up. No matter how long I've taken meds and realize how many people take AD's, there is still a tiny bit of an embarrassment/shame twinge that I get.

 

I think we probably all feel this way. On the news, for the last 3 years the amount of AD's and people who are taking them due to the economy is staggering. So we really aren't alone anymore.

 

Hugs

[Altostrata]

Sure, start a thread in Symptoms about "Crazy Withdrawal Happenings." That sounds interesting.

 

Yes, it's a crime against humanity that the dangers of these drugs are not properly recognized by medicine.

[Aria]

Nikki,

 

It's been 8 years since I finished my multi-drug taper and c/t off Seroquel. I started feeling OK but I was hit hard by a neuro-muscular disease that is considered a direct result of long term neuroleptcs (like Seroquel). I think my positive outlook and keeping busy has helped me tremendously. I fight this progressive neurological illness daily but I'd take it readily over being on psych drugs any day and that is saying so very much.

 

I think being on AD's is so common nowadays but I was on mega stuff that I'm afraid many would wonder about. In 2002 the laws changed (HIPPA) and we got the right too see what was in our physicians records. I had to make sure any new family or specialist doctors I saw did not receive my med files that contained info on my psych diagnoses and drugs I had taken. I was treated rather shabbily by doctors who did see this info so I learned this lesson well. The records are still out there but as far as I know the docs I currently see are not aware of my psyche history.

 

It is so disturbing to read how people suffer with AD's and other psych drugs side effects and then to suffer twice when they taper off them. I wanted others to know that tapering can be done and they will be OK. It will take some time for our brain to heal and reclaim ourselves.

[areyouthere]

Aria,

 

I am new here and just figuring out my 20 years of SSRI and xanax has likely done some damage. I have to say, I admire your courage , determination and attitude toward life now. Your posts more than anything give and transmit strength. That we don't have to succumb. Yes, this all really is a terrible surprise , it sucks and yes it really should be criminal ( and hopefully one day will) but for now we have to help each other and remain strong and kind to ourselves.

 

And BTW, way to go with that doc. I hope that he lost so much sleep that he needed to take some DRUGS!!!! haha!

 

You truly are an inspiration for me and I just wanted to tell you that.

 

Oh. And I love Zinias too. We have a large vegetable garden ..I used to can a lot! Just tonight it was drudgery to go pick the rasberries

 

And as I walked over the cantalope that had over ripened ( we had our share but before I would have been out and about sharing our bounty with family and friends) and the cherry tomatoes I had all but forgotten about, all I could think of was one day..... ONE day.... I will be back to take pride in the simple things.

 

Again, congratulations on recovery, and wishing you many, many more sunny days ahead with your zinnias.

 

Signed,

 

Just beginning

[Aria]

Aria,

 

I am new here and just figuring out my 20 years of SSRI and xanax has likely done some damage. I have to say, I admire your courage , determination and attitude toward life now. Your posts more than anything give and transmit strength. That we don't have to succumb. Yes, this all really is a terrible surprise , it sucks and yes it really should be criminal (and hopefully one day will) but for now we have to help each other and remain strong and kind to ourselves.

 

You truly are an inspiration for me and I just wanted to tell you that.

 

I will be back to take pride in the simple things.

 

Again, congratulations on recovery, and wishing you many, many more sunny days ahead with your zinnias.

 

Signed,

 

Just beginning

 

 

Wow, thank you''' I slowly started with my garden and it has helped me immensely. I'd spend years in a dark house with the curtains drawn thinking I was completely damaged because of what the psychiatrist said and what the drugs did to me as a productive person. That I would never have any successes or adventures again. I noticed after I tapered off the psyche drugs my concentration was off. Long term use of psyche drugs was the culprit. My outlet became gardening. Sitting outside enjoying the warmth or doing yard work is so pleasant.

 

I am so glad to read you know you'll be back doing simple pleasures again. Really. I wasn't one to say oh look I did this but I did. I want you to know you can too'''

 

Aria

[Aria]

Every time I turn on the TV or read a magazine there the ads are for psychiatric drugs. Abilify is the most ad I see. I had to argue with someone who was put on Abilify because she said it was NOT an anti psychotic. I said yes it is...the ads just don't mention it. Thank goodness I stopped all my psych drugs before Abilfy came on the market. Seroquel almost killed me with side effects and the Acute Pancreatits it caused. To this day I think Seroquel is the worse of the worse.

 

I had said I was reading my old psyche med records and I stopped because lack of interest, they are poorly written and maybe I didn't want to really read it. It sits in a box in a spare room. I know the doc didn't send all of them and but I got enough after 2 legal requests. At least when the psych doc saw my attorney's request for my med records he was scared for a while (as he should be).

 

If only I could erase all of what I went through because it still haunts me late at night. Sometimes it's hard to believe it happened to me.

 

I am so glad to read another success story here today. "I Quit the Cure" has tapered off all of the drugs and is so happy about it. Good for you.

[Aria]

One thing about being on these various destructive psych meds was they caused me to have cognitive damage. I used to be able to read so many fiction books but now only non fiction. I can understand and take in a book's written facts but not the the other. This has been very hard for me as I had over 1,000 books in my home. I miss being able to read non fiction.

 

I was rereading some posts on my thread and I started feeling better toward the end of my taper and much better a few months out being drug free. It took time for my brain to readjust and I've now been drug free for 8 years. I went from w/d being afraid of being in public to enjoying being in a huge store. I really have a foggy memory about a lot of the years on psych drugs. The drugs caused my life to be sub-par and physically caused immense uncontrollable muscle spasms and anxiety. I will never understand how these drugs were suppose to improve me? Sometimes I think my family was at a loss with what to do with their drugged to the max sibling. I have to admit one sibling (the therapist) with only one phone call to my psychiatrist wrote me off. To her whatever he said was true and I was to be kicked to the curb as being forever a hopeless mental mess. Recently she said it was a shame I was misdiagnosed as she circles the room far from me (gotta laugh over this).

 

How many of you actually got to tell your psychiatrist in person he/she screwed up?? Wrongly diagnosed and medicated you? I did. He admitted he was wrong in his office. It felt good to hear this but the man wasn't going to kill his cash cow business because of me.

 

I really didn't realize ADs c/t and/or tapers could cause such profound w/d. I'm sorry for so many of you having to deal with this. I wish all of you very brave people the very best.

[Altostrata]

Aria, is it time to call yours a Success Story?

[Aria]

I don't think of myself as a success story more than a survivor. I was a very mislead naive person that became a survivor of psychiatry. I wonder when my thoughts of what I went through will go away?? They come when I'm tired, trying to sleep or feeling unsure. I can feel my upper lip twitch from Tardive Dyskinesia. Is it noticeable to others?? To doctors? I have never seen the psychiatrist who misdiagnosed and poly drugged me in over 8 years (I only saw him sporadically for last 2 years for drugs to taper). I couldn't stand the sight of him but no one else would give me the needed drugs to taper. I had to keep playing the game because of necessary. I have to wonder how in the world did I taper off all those drugs within 2 years? I remember thinking surely my heart would burst from the pain, akathisia and panic over and over day and night.

 

When I was hospitalized for Acute Pancreatitis I went without my psyche drug regiment for more than 2-3 weeks (wasn't allowed pills). I realize after reading similar situations here that I was in withdrawal. No wonder my body keep shaking and the doctors couldn't figure out what was happening to me.

 

I read on this forum certain words for what others have gone through and what they are calling their psychiatrist. I used to use the term Mind Rape because it described what happened to me. Drugged Crazy is what I'd like to have on a tee shirt.

 

I've tapered off the psyche drugs (including cold turkey off Seroquel) and this is considered a success story. I realize I don't know exactly what to say? I'm at a loss for expressing myself this evening.

[primrose]

Aria

 

I am so sorry that both the physicians after your car accident, and the psychiatrist refused to acknowledge your symptoms and pain. That must have felt awful for you.

Not to mention all the horrible side effects of the poisons you were put on.

You deserve compensation for that.

Please don't berate yourself, imagine if a dear friend your age was going through all of this and was telling you, you would not berate her for being vulnerable, naiive. You are not a medical professional, you weren't to know.