success ☼ Aria: My Psych Journey

[Altostrata]

You may not feel like a success, but your going off all those medications and coming through withdrawal syndrome may look like success to those still in the middle of it.

 

How long did it take you to recover from withdrawal symptoms? Do you remember any patterns of recovery? Did anything in particular help you?

 

Being on massive neuroleptics long term is never good. It causes Mitochondrial Dysfunction which cause neurological disease. One of them is CIDP and I got it. It's a nasty illness that destroys the nerve covering (myelin). You start losing the ability to walk, use your hands/arms, double vision, trouble swallowing, unbelievable pain and other fun stuff. With my psych diagnosis out for docs to see I was told repeatedly I was crazy and denied referrals but I knew better. I finally was correctly diagnosed with real tests instead of hearsay and my treatment started for CIDP. It involves many hours a month having infusions and somehow I partly regained lost functions.

How did you determine you had chronic inflammatory demyelinating polyneuropathy (CIDP)? How was it diagnosed? What were the treatments?

 

I'm asking a lot of questions because I think this may be important to a lot of people here suffering from nerve pain.

 

Perhaps you could start a topic about it in Symptoms and Self-Care and share what you know?

[Aria]

You may not feel like a success, but your going off all those medications and coming through withdrawal syndrome may look like success to those still in the middle of it.

 

How long did it take you to recover from withdrawal symptoms? Do you remember any patterns of recovery? Did anything in particular help you?

 

Being on massive neuroleptics long term is never good. It causes Mitochondrial Dysfunction which cause neurological disease. One of them is CIDP and I got it. It's a nasty illness that destroys the nerve covering (myelin). You start losing the ability to walk, use your hands/arms, double vision, trouble swallowing, unbelievable pain and other fun stuff. With my psych diagnosis out for docs to see I was told repeatedly I was crazy and denied referrals but I knew better. I finally was correctly diagnosed with real tests instead of hearsay and my treatment started for CIDP. It involves many hours a month having infusions and somehow I partly regained lost functions.

How did you determine you had chronic inflammatory demyelinating polyneuropathy (CIDP)? How was it diagnosed? What were the treatments?

 

I'm asking a lot of questions because I think this may be important to a lot of people here suffering from nerve pain.

 

Perhaps you could start a topic about it in Symptoms and Self-Care and share what you know?

 

 

CIDP is similar to MS and is diagnosed by a neurologist who had done Nerve Conduction Testing, Lumbar Puncture, neuro work up including test for reflexes, balance and hand/eye coordination and massive blood testing to rule out other disease. There are 3 standard treatments: IVIG, steroids and plasma parenthesis.

 

It started for me by awful pain in my extremities and then all over my body. I couldn't tell nerve pain from muscle or other body pain. It was inflammation of my myelin sheath (nerve covering) and it was destroying itself. It took me longer than most to be diagnosed because I was petrified of doctors (hence- psychiatrists/my psyche records) and I was so ill I became bed ridden. I knew my body had been severely injured by psyche drugs and I gotten progressively worse right after I was put on Seroquel. The muscle spasms intensified and then they became "more". I started dropping spoons and dishes, had trouble doing simple daily activities like brushing my teeth or taking a bath, had to buy 2 forearm crutches as my balance became so bad I was falling and I felt like a brick house had fallen on me because of the fatigue. At the time I didn't recognize I had fatigue...I just couldn't do much any more.

 

I remember reading about it online and it said can be caused by neuroleptics like Seroquel. My sibling saw it too and also said OMG...the drugs caused your CIDP. I had deleted most of my psyche history in records I hand to new doc so they wouldn't see it. I knew enough by seeing my long time psychiatrist outright lie that I had to protect myself. I don't know many neurologists that would had gone beyond the psyche labels I had and made this diagnosis. I felt like at last I was being believed and helped.

 

I will be glad to answer any questions about similar symptoms I described above. It's mind bobbling when we are ill and the doctors don't believe us because we are "mentally Ill".

 

 

Primrose,

Thank you for your post. It makes me feel good to know others understand. I shouldn't be so hard on myself but sometimes I am.

 

Yes, I am a survivor.

[tezza]

Aria,

 

You are a successful survivor. You give much needed hope to those of us that are still trying. Thank you for sharing your story.

 

Love,

 

Tezza

[Aria]

I didn't want most of you to think you might develop an illness like I have from taking psych drugs but we need to keep watch. I'm still shocked the psychiatrists can't get the fact that prescribing these powerful drugs can cause horrible side effects and neurological damage. They forget they're physicians and that drugs can be just as responsible for more problems that what they were initially prescribed for. This forum is so great for helping us discuss the problems we have or had when on psych drugs and the difficult times tapering off them.

 

Another day I've been completely psych drug free.......

[Barbarannamated]

Excellent post, Aria. I admire the perspective you have.

 

B

[Aria]

I love to come here and see what everyone has posted. I feel so at home seeing that others feel the same way I did with my unfortunate psyche experience. I have really wanted to put my cruddy psychiatrist name on this forum so you could see it in a thread called "M.D. Name of Shame". I haven't seen the man in years and think if I did I'd probably be in shock. It would be like seeing someone who had caused me great harm and because of psychiatry he got off scott free.

 

I hope one day we can be vindicated from our psyche labels and not have to worry they might pop up again.I have to cringe at my labels the one psychiatrist gave me and later docs said nothing has been wrong with me at all. What a mess. It's like a card game. "I'll trade you one Schizo Affective for 2 Major Depressives".

 

I know Big Pharma has been making rain with erroneous psychiatric labeling and having patients be given psych meds like candy saying it will cure what ails you. I try to talk to others about the long term use of certain psyche meds but they don't hear me. I'm just concerned about what may happen to them later like liver and kidney damage, neurological damage, weight gain, diabetes and tardive dyskinesia.

 

One thing (drug free and not being known as a psyche patient) that I'm very aware of is how I'm being treated by new friends, acquaintances and new doctors...better then before. I'm not obviously drunk on the drugs like I was and can understand what is happening around me. I was told my new clarity off psyche drugs would be short lived and here it is going on 10 years. :rolleyes:

[Altostrata]

Threads in the Off-Topic forum cannot be seen from Google, they can be read only by members.

[Aria]

Quote from what I wrote on GiaK's page about her withdrawal journey:

 

["Ten years ago I had c/t off Seroquel and was attempting to taper off 4-5 more drugs simultaneously. I went to see my therapist and happened to have taken a friend with me. The therapist listened to me talk about coming off all the drugs and how I felt "a clarity of mind". I was reserved and lucid which she hadn't seen before. To my utter amazement she immediately dismissed my clear thinking and said the clarity wouldn't last. She also said she didn't want to be my therapist any more which was another shock. Turned out she was dismissing me because I was a was a "non compliant patient". After I left my friend said, "You always said this lady was really nice but I didn't see a shred of that today. It was so obvious she had no idea what to do with you because you were making sense." My clarity of mind is still here 10 years later and it was worth the gruesome psych drug taper."]

 

Monica had described how she had "clarity of mind" which is what I found again. It's so important to be able to think clearly and being on psych drugs takes this away. I hope what I wrote on her thread didn't sound too off center but when you read her story you'll see her emphasis on clarity of mind and how it related to me. Her story resonated with what I went through.

 

 

I have wondered why the so-called professionals quickly dismiss what we patients say. I now know we're considered second class clients who need a keeper. In my daydreams I think about going back to said professionals and telling them how it turned out for me. I'm happier off all psych drugs than I ever was on them. I did attempt to tell my therapist but you can read her response above...she cavalierly dismissed me. I also told my pdoc this but he keep turning away from me when he knew the truth of what I was saying. He was scared he'd get sued after he told me he had screwed up and then did unscrupulousness stuff to discredit my thinking to others. I do have one letter in particular he wrote that is completely lies. He never thought I'd get a copy of it but I did.

 

It seems ridiculous I let one doctor tell me for 15 years I was permanently damaged while he give me damaging drugs. That made sense? Giving multiple drugs in quantities that stagger and then they in turn react with the others? If I'd known the rigged drug trials really showed these drugs worked less then a placebo but in reality cause unbelievable harm?

 

You might think this lady's been drug free for a number of years but she's still writing about it. I hadn't had the chance to do this till I found this site. It's a fantastic release for me to put down what I went through. For years I barely talked about it because no one I knew had gone through this and I was embarrassed to tell others. To be told I was severely mentally ill and would never recover but still must take psych drugs forever. For me to find out it never was true. I realize my psychiatrist didn't ever know me and I was just another 15 minute appointment.

 

Golly, that felt good to write''''

[Barbarannamated]

Good, because it felt GREAT to read!

 

THANK YOU, Aria.

[Aria]

I have read some of my psychiatrist's notes and he kept saying I was a mystery to him. I think he was saying this because my behavior was odd and not fitting my so called diagnosis. He didn't get it that the drugs he was over prescribing were the culprit. Not at all. Here I am not presenting any of those drug induced behaviors like sudden bouts of laughing, shaking hands/limbs, talking loudly or pacing. I find no longer displaying these behaviors while being drug free speaks volumes in itself. What a shame the pdoc wasn't aware enough to know how dangerous these drugs were and are ...not just to me.

 

I see forum members who started on psyche drugs within 5 years and are suffering. I've been drug free for more than that and obviously the psychiatrists aren't listening because more and more are being given these harmful drugs.

 

I do remember how Effexor make me feel crazy with jitters. Pamelor make my vision like thick snow flakes. Thorazine make me eat like 5 people and I couldn't stop. Seroquel gave me horribly painful muscle spasms and I was so zonked from it I wet my bed most nights. Zyprexa make it have strange seizures where I jerked and when I told my pdoc he tuned me out. I lost count of the anti depressants I was on and as for the neuroleptics?? Too many and they caused me to suffer. My (so I thought) wonderful and caring psychiatrist kept saying there is a pill out there that would work for me and I believed him. I was actually a guinea pig for psych drugs. How could any physician repeating prescribe drugs that didn't work?? In dangerous combinations? I could check the pdoc's notes for the drugs he prescribed and I do have my pharmacy records (I got just in case I was considerably legal action). I could post all the drugs I was on and gauge your reactions to it.

 

I am truly sorry to read how so many forum members are suffering. Hold on because it will get better.

[Altostrata]

Aria, you and your experience are gifts to this community. Thank you so much.

[Aria]

More musings from a psyche survivor:

 

Last night I was up till dawn (my circadian rhythm) and started thinking about my psychiatry excursion. I had to wonder when my psyche diagnosis was outed how other physicians who didn't know me till I came into their office had already passed judgement on me. They got my updated records aka from the hospital where I was for (Seroquel Induced) Acute Pancreatitis and in bold letters it said I was severely mentally ill (diagnosis). I had to change doctors because I wanted ones closer to home and didn't realize how something like this would jeopardize the doc/patient relationship (I was still naive). The woman doc I saw as my new family physician dismissed my physical complaints by saying I needed to go see my psychiatrist. Here I was exhibiting symptoms of the neurological illness I had but not yet diagnosed (I was on crutches for balance and one leg was dragging) and she rolled her eyes and said it was psychological. I was astonished by this but she wouldn't budge or offer any needed referrals. I'd been told she was very nice and caring but the woman I met was none of these.

 

I have to admit by accident I found 2 people who enlightened me about changing my medical records that I would hand in person to a new doctor. With white out and re-xeroxing I erased any wording that reeked of psychiatry. Years ago I would had thought this was criminal to do but after I got treated like crap I did learn. I turned out to be what I desperately needed to be correctly diagnosed with a progressive neurological illness. I went for too long not being diagnosed or listened too so the disease was advanced by the time I ever saw a neurologist.

 

Yes, doctors are prejudice against the mentally ill.

 

The day I asked my pdoc what in the world was he doing giving me all these drugs was when this happened....

I told my old shrink about me driving on the mega drugs he prescribed and his stammered reply was I needed to drive. Many times I had my hand on the emergency brake I was so tired and dazed. I bumped a number of cars in the parking lots and really was in no poor condition to drive. Since I was so messed up from the psyche drugs and had no idea how my abilities were affected I still was driving. I would think the poly drugging was equal to having 3-5 alcoholic drinks all the time in my system. I am really surprised I didn't cause a car accident.

 

 

Dear Former Psychiatrist,

 

I do think of you but it's not pleasant thoughts. How could you had change my meds like a merry go round with tapering 25% off one drug per week and then adding a new one? Do you ever think of the day you told me you screwed up prescribing to me?? Your surprised and yes scared face when you feared not how much you'd harmed me but fear for your medical license?

[Skyler]

Last night I was up till dawn (my circadian rhythm) and started thinking about my psychiatry excursion. I had to wonder when my psyche diagnosis was outed how other physicians who didn't know me till I came into their office had already passed judgement on me. They got my updated records aka from the hospital where I was for (Seroquel Induced) Acute Pancreatitis and in bold letters it said I was severely mentally ill (diagnosis). I had to change doctors because I wanted ones closer to home and didn't realize how something like this would jeopardize the doc/patient relationship (I was still naive). The woman doc I saw as my new family physician dismissed my physical complaints by saying I needed to go see my psychiatrist. Here I was exhibiting symptoms of the neurological illness I had but not yet diagnosed (I was on crutches for balance and one leg was dragging) and she rolled her eyes and said it was psychological. I was astonished by this but she wouldn't budge or offer any needed referrals. I'd been told she was very nice and caring but the woman I met was none of these.

 

Aria... send him the write up on top!! Even if it's only in your 'thoughts'. WOW... you sound SANE PLUS PLUS to me. What a dreadful journey.. a testament to your sanity that you survived. Thanks for sharing.

[Altostrata]

Aria, have you seen this? http://www.madinamerica.com/2012/11/rxisk-stories-monicas-story-the-aftermath-of-polypsychopharmacology/

[Aria]

Aria, have you seen this? http://www.madinamerica.com/2012/11/rxisk-stories-monicas-story-the-aftermath-of-polypsychopharmacology/

 

Thank you, Alto. I went to the link and its other links. Made for good reading especially the comment section in Mad in America author's blog.

 

 

My former psychiatrist was considered a nice guy, cute, one of my city's premiere psychiatrists but I have to wonder how he couldn't have had any idea of the strength of the drugs he prescribed. Prescribing multiple drugs that increase each other potency is dangerous, scarey and poor doctoring. Leaning forward with his salesman persona he handed me yet another batch of drugs to take. When I was tapering and had my clarity again I did get to tell him face to face that these drugs were too strong and had he changed his prescribing of benzo to less. He said yes.

 

I wax and wane about my feeling about him but most its how could he. He did sent letters saying I was profoundly mentally ill to others after he knew better. This is what grips me the most.

 

I did get my old pdoc medical notes and the after the fact visits weren't in it. I believe he decided it was best not to have official records of me coming to him to get drugs to taper because he feared a law suit. He had refused to let another professional have my notes for me to review in their presence by leaving a phone message to them siting "possible legal actions by patient". I had never said anything like this to him so I had to laugh at his paranoia or should I say guilt.

 

I so hope one day I will wake up not feeling like I was assaulted by psychiatry. I had my will taken from me with psyche drugs and now its back. No longer having drug induced fears. I am thrilled when I had precious moments like hearing an old roll and roll song on the radio and smiling all over.

 

Once again I've rambled....

[Altostrata]

primrose, I made your post its own topic in Media, as many people might be interested in it.

[primrose]

primrose, I made your post its own topic in Media, as many people might be interested in it.

 

Thank you

[Aria]

 

primrose, I made your post its own topic in Media, as many people might be interested in it.

 

Thank you

 

Thank you for the video, primrose. I watched it last night. Scarey but oh so true''''

[Aria]

Post T-Day and had another struggle sleeping. I read how so many fight with this and not sleeping is unbelievably terrible in all aspects. I was given a few sleeping pills a year ago by a well meaning specialist and I put one in my hand late one night but the sheer terror of taking any more drugs like this put all stops so I threw them away. There is a site called "Rate This Drug" and it really tells the ups and downs of them. I wrote quite a review on the drugs I had taken.

 

I'd always thought our doctors knew what they needed to do to help us. When I got so ill from having Pancreatitis and then psychiatric drug withdrawal I went down a road no doctors I went to see had any idea about. I had more than one say I don't know what this is and I'd rather not be involved. Notice the words "not be involved" like some police situation but later I realized they meant legal issues because they knew what I had was due to medical incompetence. Our bodies have been injured by the psych drugs and are trying so hard to heal. It's so obvious few are listening to us...our stores...our injuries.

 

A few of Aria's former psyche drug induced symptoms that are gone:

 

GERD--- I had to sleep in an upright recliner because I was vomiting at night

Dystonia--- I had to put rolled up washcloths at night in my hands to keep my fingernails from cutting into the palms of my hand.

Incontinence--- I wet my bed at night from the Seroquel

Impulses

Hysterical crying spells for 6 hours

Wild screaming rages "I'm breaking dishes" from out of nowhere

Unreal fears

Akathsia---couldn't stay still, constantly moving, pacing

Shoulder/Neck spasms---I put ice/heat of neck hoping it would help. I'd be twisted side ways from the powerful spasms.

 

Time for me to go see what holiday specials are left to buy.

[Barbarannamated]

Aria,

 

THANK YOU. Please keep writing when you can. It helps me so much to hear where you are and know the hell you've come through.

 

I understand the desire to want to put this nightmare behind you and move on with life. I hope that it helps you to know you're helping me (and others, I'm sure) by telling your story.

 

RE: liability. I anticipate ALOT of people "previously treated by psychiatry"" will be abandoned by other medical specialties for this reason. Until pharma comes up with a new "cure", of course.

 

B

[Aria]

Aria,

 

THANK YOU. Please keep writing when you can. It helps me so much to hear where you are and know the hell you've come through.

 

I understand the desire to want to put this nightmare behind you and move on with life. I hope that it helps you to know you're helping me (and others, I'm sure) by telling your story.

 

RE: liability. I anticipate ALOT of people "previously treated by psychiatry"" will be abandoned by other medical specialties for this reason. Until pharma comes up with a new "cure", of course.

 

B

 

Many years ago I went to see a long time doctor of mine (gastroenterologist) he paused as he came into the exam room and said," Why do you look so different?? Your face..." I replied I'm coming off the psych drugs. I told him about the list of psyche drug induced symptoms, what had transpired with my run-in with psychiatry and the man turned white. Most of them he'd been treating me for: stomach cramps, such bouts of both diarrhea and constipation that I'd been hospitalized for, vomiting, nausea, dehydration and the numerous testing I had done to see why this was happening. He said he didn't want to know any more (he knew my psychiatrist). This gastroenterologist was the kind doctor who stayed by my side all night when I was in the ICU with Acute Pancreatitis. I was dying and he didn't want me to be alone. His kindness was why I didn't want to involve him further so I left his practice.

 

Yes, I was abandoned by a few doctors I'd seen for years and I still have to wonder when they noticed and said, "Wow, you're so clear headed and your eyes are not all shiny like you're blitzed". They didn't want to know about why I was OK when I said it was from psych drugs.

 

I'm not writing this to scare a lot of you. I want you to know this can happen even when we really need medical help. It's not you. It's how it is till things change for the better.

 

Oh, by the way, the psyche drug symptoms went away and I don't have any real reason to go back to doctors like I did when on the drugs''''

 

I can actually sleep in a bed now and my nausea is gone as is the other fun symptoms.

[Altostrata]

Aria, I know it must be awful to review the nightmare but the fact that so much is behind you gives hope to many people here.

 

Thank you!

[primrose]

 

 

primrose, I made your post its own topic in Media, as many people might be interested in it.

 

Thank you

 

Thank you for the video, primrose. I watched it last night. Scarey but oh so true''''

 

Hi Aria

 

Even though my benzo wd is nowhere near like that woman, it still freaked me out, and I hope it didn't freak you out.

I also agree with Alto, you do give others hope, incl me.

[Aria]

Has it been 2 months since I wrote on my Intro blog?? My sleep is still in the toilet and not feeling great when this tired and so wanting nice refreshing sleep. By now I realize my sleep issues are most likely permanent and were caused by years of neuroleptics. My own personal hell but I'm still fighting for being better. I'm sure people would say but why can't you sleep?? Or take a pill, I do. I don't tell anyone I was on psyche drugs...it's better keep private after 10 years.

 

Last night around 3 AM and still not sleeping I was thinking about being misdiagnosed. I consider it wrongful diagnosing. Do any of you have your own term to better express this? Maybe more medical sounding and has more punch to it?? I was wrongly diagnosed for years and treated in huge doses of powerful psychiatric drugs which now makes no sense. If a doctor is his office records keep saying I don't know what's with her than why give more drugs?? Either refer her or say I really don't know so as a physician I feel I can't continue to treat you. Yea, I know, all science fiction.

 

I have a sibling who's a therapist and we get into about psyche drugs. She swears some of her clients do better on these drugs and I answer but is it worth all of us who were injured by them? She said she uses me as an example of psychiatry gone wrong and the whole misdiagnosed bit (what irony). She has no idea of how injured I was and am by years of drugs. I was caught in the psychiatric merry go round of being told I was damaged and couldn't get off. I suffered horrid side effects that the doc kept saying was just me being mentally ill. I can only hope someone hears this and they think before they write another 'cript for Seroquel.

 

Is there a reason psychiatrists tend to be aggressive and exert authoritative control when a person sees them in the office?? Is it me or are a lot of shrinks short?

 

I'm so sorry many of you are battling withdrawal and not getting compassion from the prescribing doctors. Try as I might you don't deserve this and one day prescribing psyche drugs will be known as a wrongful period in medical history (I so hope).

 

I've voiced my ongoing thoughts about psychiatry which in a way makes it less painful each time I do. Off to go watch "The Big Bang" on TV'''

[Jemima]

Is there a reason psychiatrists tend to be aggressive and exert authoritative control when a person sees them in the office?? Is it me or are a lot of shrinks short?

 

 

I had to laugh at this. My shrink in the psych ward was short and although he had a good-looking face, he looked as if he'd gained a lot of weight in middle age and was touchy about it. He was a control freak for sure. At my first appointment, I was very nervous about getting medical leave paperwork completed to keep my job and told him that I needed to have this taken care of. He flew into a rage because I took the lead. It was clear that he expected women to fall into the traditional passive role. I did what I would have done back in my therapist days when confronted with an out-of-control madman - I humored him to get by.

 

BTW, in my therapist years, I had many encounters with psychiatrists, and in large part they were far crazier than their patients.

[Altostrata]

Short, tall, a lot of them are jerks.

[Aria]

Went by a friend's house this week and noticed she seemed quieter. I got an email from her today saying she'd started Seroquel "to keep her from the dark abyss" (her words). She'd told me 2 months ago she was having a rough time and was going to see her shrink about getting more meds. I'm afraid for her. From all she's told me she's convinced of being permanently an emotional wreck. I was convinced of the same thing and found out it was wrong...oh so wrong.

 

I am so concerned at the over prescribing of psychiatric drugs. I was on 6-7 drugs (including neuroleptic) and at times up to three different kinds of benzos a day so I was flat out a drugged mess. I'm in the closet about my 15 yr psych journey to anyone new and rarely mention it to people who know. No one can truly understand unless they have seen it close up.

 

I've read on this forum about "emotional blunting" from psychiatric drug use. My emotional state on drugs was all over the place until I started to taper and slowly they returned. The drugs injured our bodies and need to heal in their own time.

 

There are so many of us suffering or who suffered without support coming off psychiatric drugs. If I only knew the answers to this insane prescribing.

[Aria]

Went by a friend's house this week and noticed she seemed quieter. I got an email from her today saying she'd started Seroquel "to keep her from the dark abyss" (her words). She'd told me 2 months ago she was having a rough time and was going to see her shrink about getting more meds. I'm afraid for her. From all she's told me she's convinced of being permanently an emotional wreck. I was convinced of the same thing and found out it was wrong...oh so wrong.

I have talked to my friend a few times about her drug Seroquel, its dangers and found out the dose was lowered. I told her I was concerned with Seroquel because she lives alone and its an anti psychotic. Can't begin to tell you how many people don't know they were taking an anti psychotic'''

 

 

An excellent book I've read is "Are Your Prescriptions Killing You ?" by Armon B. Neel, 2012, Pharmacist. He is concerned about the numerous drugs seniors are prescribed, what drugs are the very worse for them and why and a watch dog for over prescribing at nursing houses in his area. He goes to town about statins and his revelations about them is an eye opener.

[tezza]

You are so right, Aria. I didn't know Risperdal was an anti-psychotic medication until AFTER I tried to stop taking it.

[Barbarannamated]

Aria,

 

Good to hear that your friend's dose was lowered. That's a start..

 

I have a young friend (30) who has been on psych drugs for years for bipolar. She went to a natural hormone doc yesterday who wants to get her hormones straightened out and psych meds discontinued or minimised. It was good to hear.

[areyouthere]

 

Aria,

 

I am new here and just figuring out my 20 years of SSRI and xanax has likely done some damage. I have to say, I admire your courage , determination and attitude toward life now. Your posts more than anything give and transmit strength. That we don't have to succumb. Yes, this all really is a terrible surprise , it sucks and yes it really should be criminal (and hopefully one day will) but for now we have to help each other and remain strong and kind to ourselves.

 

You truly are an inspiration for me and I just wanted to tell you that.

 

I will be back to take pride in the simple things.

 

Again, congratulations on recovery, and wishing you many, many more sunny days ahead with your zinnias.

 

Signed,

 

Just beginning

 

 

Wow, thank you''' I slowly started with my garden and it has helped me immensely. I'd spend years in a dark house with the curtains drawn thinking I was completely damaged because of what the psychiatrist said and what the drugs did to me as a productive person. That I would never have any successes or adventures again. I noticed after I tapered off the psyche drugs my concentration was off. Long term use of psyche drugs was the culprit. My outlet became gardening. Sitting outside enjoying the warmth or doing yard work is so pleasant.

 

I am so glad to read you know you'll be back doing simple pleasures again. Really. I wasn't one to say oh look I did this but I did. I want you to know you can too'''

 

Aria

 

ARIA!!!!! I just bought some Zinia seeds!!!!! WOO HOO!!!!!!!

 

RU

[Aria]

What is it about spring that brings happiness?? I love being out doors and feeling the sun on me. All the years on psychiatric drugs making me less than a person, feeling unsure, damaged and the many times I cowered inside afraid of my shadow.

 

Spring brings renewal. Planting flowers, watching them grow, enjoying the sun and nature. Another year drug free and grateful about it.

[tezza]

I agree, springtime is fresh and new, kinda makes us feel refreshed and new...

 

The good feeling we get in the Spring may possibly be associated with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).

 

It's so nice to hear from someone like you that is celebrating being drug free!

 

Tezza

[Aria]

Still having insomnia that comes and goes. When I do sleep it's till 11-12 in the day. If one more person asks why I'm tired I will scream. My sleep is not good and I stay in a perpetual fog from being extremely tired. I'm reading about light boxes and may check into them.

 

When I'm not sleeping I think about my years of being on major psych drugs. They almost ruined my body and mind. There wasn't any reprieve on them and they caused me undue pain both emotionally and physically. It seems impossible the psychiatrist had no idea of what he was prescribing to me and then took no responsibility when he knew he had been wrong to have done it. His office was a show case for pharmaceutical paraphernalia. The drugs reps were lined up giving fancy lunches for the staff, the office had clocks, pens, note pads, paper weights, rulers...you name it...with drug names prominently displayed. Conflict of interest?? Big time. My old psychiatrist was a nice good ole boy and his demeanor lead me to think he knew what he was doing. He was basically handing me drugs that zombified me. Sometimes I wonder what I'd do if I saw him. He did admit he had wrongly prescribed and diagnosed me during one confrontational visit. The man broke down and apologized to my chagrin. In no way does this lessened the damage he did or the lost years I was loaded on drugs. I'm sorry if I sound like this but it's still painful to me.

 

Another few weeks and it'll be spring. It's nature's way of renewal and growth.

[Barbarannamated]

Aria,

 

I appreciate your posts very much... you share your positive outlook and hopefulness as well as honesty in the pain.

 

Hugs.

B

[Aria]

Just posted on Edited's thread. I am a success story but hesitant to say so. Why?? Maybe because I think I have to forgive myself for being so taken in, for losing years to being drugged, wrongly diagnosed plus feelings of hatred against the psychiatrist. Is hatred a good word?? For want of a better word I think so because after he knew he'd made a mistake diagnosing me he tried to discredit me with letters I have in my possession. Will I ever move away from this?? I'm still trying, still healing. I don't readily read about someone who was physically harmed over and over saying they forgive that person. Maybe later I will let this go. My hidden psychiatric history. My life that I can't share because I feel vulnerable doing it. Psychiatry took so much from me but yet I still go on the best I know how.

 

OK, I've written this stuff above and re-reading it looks so morbid''' Complain, complain. Am I one of the few who feels this way??

 

Psychiatry may say, "We didn't fully know about these drugs, the drug reps mislead us". No, you're physicians and it's up to you to know what these drugs can do. If you don't know fully about the drugs consequences and won't take the responsibility than don't prescribe the drugs. Simple.

 

Just reread Robert Whitaker's "Anatomy of an Epidemic". The graphs showing how psych drugs hindered recovery are so fantastic. How much more do we need then that?

 

Now I'm going outside and tend my flowers.