success ☼ Aria: My Psych Journey

[Barbarannamated]

Aria,

 

This is something I think about a lot but I don't have an answer. I can't imagine any doctor offering written documentation that we were misdiagnosed and treated with unnecessary drugs for fear of getting pulled into litigation against another doctor. I have plenty of labwork from 1990s that shows underlying endocrine and immune issues that were completely missed. A malpractice attorney MAY be able to offer guidance. GiaK/Beyond Meds has a piece about "Undiagnosing Myself".

 

I'm very fearful of going to any doctors at this point, especially because most are affiliated with 2 hospitals in my area. I recently went out of my way to find a GYN outside of those hospital systems. When I got to my appointment, the office had access to my information even though I had never been to their PPO/HMO. That freaked me out.

[Aria]

I've been going to see a primary care doc who has no idea of my psych past and I don't think has access to the records since I was in another hospital (franchise) network. It is freaky about our med charts following us around with who knows what info. There is another woman with my same name and our records have gotten mixed up before. She has a psych past too.

 

My most recent folly has been having a No Longer Nuts document  (official documents--"papers" as they're called in Europe) stating I'm OK. I know this isn't feasible but still a passing thought with how the media is treating anyone who's on psych meds or has past.

 

Having this conversation with my sibling was an eye opener as she has not wanted to discuss this for years. For her as a mental health professional to find out her own sister had been grossly misdiagnosed and harmfully drugged must have hurt some. I know she's been afraid to talk about this with me but it needed to be done. Many times I wonder why I had to go thru all this. My quandary.

[Altostrata]

You might be able to find a doctor who will give you such a document.

 

Aria, please invite your sister to look at our Intro topics at least. I think she will find them educational.

[Barbarannamated]

You might be able to find a doctor who will give you such a document.

That's surprising and encouraging!

[Altostrata]

I should have added -- it most likely will take a lot of work to find the right doc.

[areyouthere]

 

 

My most recent folly has been having a No Longer Nuts document  (official documents--"papers" as they're called in Europe) stating I'm OK. I know this isn't feasible but still a passing thought with how the media is treating anyone who's on psych meds or has past.

 

 

Considering that the GOP wants to get rid of the pre existing condition clause in the Affordable Care Act a  document like this could be worth a lot of money.  Grrrrrrrr

[Aria]

Here comes the holidays and thoughts of family and closeness. How to repair and/or deal with Family Dynamics. I think it's really Family Dynamite Situations. Careful of what you say or boom...there goes cousin Charlie. Oops, mention that and bam...there goes Aunt May. What to say and what not to say?? The Family Land Mines. These close encounters only happens once a year--hopefully.

 

I have learned not to say as much. Listen more and think before I comment.

 

I think most people felt sorry for me as this mumbling messed up lady who certainly was on too many drugs. Fifteen-twenty years ago who did know what to do? At least now my difficulties are seen as a clear headed me fighting a serious neuro muscular disease with a sense of humor.

[Altostrata]

http://davidmallenmd.blogspot.com/

[Aria]

Taking a little break from my "Reading My Psych Records" thread. Nothing like doing laundry and folding towels to clear the mind.

[Aria]

Watched the warm weather lawn chairs being taken out boxes and set up at the local mega store. Very cold where I live and to see workers wearing heavy coats, gloves and hats setting up wicker yard furniture displays made me laugh. No matter what I've been through I can still see a goodness ahead.

[Aria]

I had commented on a MIA writer's article and then asked how to dismiss a wrong psychiatric diagnosis and the psychologist said you couldn't do that, if a psychiatrist deems you mentally ill you ARE that. OK, lost the battle before it began. I have taken a long break from reading my old pdoc's office notes about me while I was heavily poly drugged because it was upsetting. The person who came to his office was no longer me but someone messed up like anyone would be on street drugs. It's bizarre what happened and as I look back 10 years ago it might as well not been me at all. No one can prescribe numerous mind alerting drugs to their client and not expect that person to change radically. The rational is these drugs knowing do change behavior and that's the goal. The other is no one knows how the behavior will be altered? 

 

I'm sorry so many here are suffering and no one seems to understand (except on this forum). The best part is you're here and looking for help you will receive.

[Altostrata]

The psychologist was wrong.

[Aria]

I did my Success Story not going into as depth as I have on this thread. I started another thread "Drugged Crazy..reading my psych records" and have taken a leave of doing that. It was upsetting and what the pdoc wrote doesn't reflect who I am. It was written about me when I was heavily poly drugged and later I know he changed his notes to save his ass after telling me in person he'd screwed up prescribing/diagnosing me for 15 years (his office notes writing style changed so drastically to reflect my craziness...shame on him).

 

I lost a dear friend recently and thought if I was still poly drugged my emotions would vacillate wildly (the drugs magnified every thought and feeling). My years in psychiatry taught me that if I do feel upset than I must add more drugs to stifle my emotional response. Adding fuel to the fire. I did experience normal reactions to the loss of my friend and worked it out without taking one drug (like I would--hell no). Another aside is I've made good friends over these past 10 years and they were so supportive contacting me to see if I was OK. My former psych pals would have made it worse with their drug induced frenzy and would had suggested I call my pdoc immediately to seek his advise. We'd been indoctrinated to seek "help" through psychiatry when we had so called normal feelings. I'm thankful my emotional situation never reached the peaks the drugs had me hit before.

 

I've hit 3-4 weeks of my more than usual insomnia and living in a fatigue fog. This too I can handle because my mind is clear not being poly drugged so my coping is fine. I know I'll work this out for whatever reason my body is doing this. The joy of having decent coping skills after years of not and feeling competent about myself. I can't begin to tell you how wonderful this is. The pdoc would had increased my drugs because to him my insomnia surely was some kind of serious mental issue or mania---blame it on me again and again. Mania?? Not the way I'm dragging. The more I contemplate seeing a naturapath for guidance on supplements that might help my insomnia I wonder?

 

I'm going to make some herbal tea and enjoy the snow outside my window.

[Aria]

I found out how my friend had died so unexpectedly and it was a drastic death.

I asked her friend, who supposively knew her quite well, what she thought about this out of the blue decision to die??

She said one thing and I replied did you know she was on psychiatric drugs and what kind?? That the anti depressant had induced mania last year and the pdoc said yes it was the drug causing it?? He then prescribed an anti psychotic and it changed her whole persona. The drug made her listless.

The lady said she was seeing psychiatrist??

Yep and I wonder if he changed any of her meds recently before she died??

To this she said I'm wondering too?? This was so out of character for her to do? She had been so happy the last few months. I have to wonder too if something like this caused it?

 

The family has been so distraught by what happened I strongly doubt they would want to know my concerns. The drugs changed her personality and emotions to what point??

 

It will go down in the books of questionable death by psychiatry and no one further will look into it...............

[tezza]

I'm so sorry about your friend, Aria. Very sad situation...

[Aria]

Sitting here congratulating myself on being drug free and not having to deal with drug induced anxiety/panic. How do I know I can handle stress now drug free?? I've had several intense things happen (some at the same time) and I've done well. No overly frantic upsets, crying or panic mode...all gone with the psych drugs. I remember many times crying hysterically for 6 hours for no reason I knew of which participated me calling the pdoc or the therapist for "help" like a well trained psychiatric patient learns to do.  I had no idea the psych drugs were making me react this way (like a wild woman exploding with fear and anxiety). I've haven't been in that shape since I successfully tapered off the drugs.

 

Stress is part of life and it can wax and wane. Sometimes it's frightening, scarey but we can handle it by calling a friend, a family member, someone who does know us and can offer comfort, conversation and help us figure it out. Sometimes we can work it out ourselves. Sometimes it is time to cry or get frustrated...part of life, not something to be medicated because it's an expression of feelings.

 

Should I head out for a McD biscuit this morning?

[Aria]

A friend is tapering off a benzo and has had a rough time of it. She lot a parent recently so everything is compounded. She said she desperately needs to sleep and heading off to her pdoc who will most likely drug her up. Geez.

 

I read somewhere recently about a man tapering off his benzo and his pdoc saying the addiction to benzos was just part of the man's illness. So becoming addicted to an addictive drug given to you by your physician is all your fault when you didn't know this could happen? It's due to being mentally ill?

 

I was forum surfing and glad to read how so many when they did a psych drug taper remarked how clear their thinking was and referred to it as "clarity of mind". The exact wording I used 12 years ago. I didn't realize how drugged I was, my family wasn't around and a few friends who watched me be put on mulitple drugs had no idea what was going on so they drifted away. To have our brains drugged and to lose clear thinking is criminal. It took away my objectivity and made me a dull slug. Been cruising MIA site and they have had so many great article hitting the nail on the head. Coming to the idea of informed choice, when I was heavily drugged I had no clear concept of what the pdoc said in my monthly Med Checks? He had diagnosed me as crazy so why did he think I'd understand what he was saying about the new drugs he kept prescribing to cure me? The last few years the internet and books have taught me so much, unbelievably so much about psychiatry, psychiatric drugs and how it can entrap. To be finally free of drugs and hopefully the net of psychiatry has me feeling grateful. How in the world my pdoc had no idea the drugs he continually prescribed altered my behavior is truly criminal. He got away with it by throwing all the blame and diagnoses at me. I hope soon this craziness will stop.

 

Years of massive poly drugging has ruined my sleep pattern probably forever. I may still fight a daily battle with sleep but at least now I can deal with it on a better level. The trade off to being psych drug free gives me the incentive to keep going.

 

Thank you for coming by and read my continuing musing about psychiatry. Knowing you can be drug free is wonderful so if you're having hard time tapering (dealing with withdrawals) please know it'll be OK.

[Aria]

Reading Cracked by James Davies, he definitely nails the untruths, inconsistencies, embellishments and simply absurdities of psychiatry. Most of it I've read before but Davies writes so clearly and have little venettes about Big Parma I liked. An example is the repackaging of Prozac into Sarafem for menstrual problems and not saying it was a drug for depression. What the world renown psychiatrists admitted about the validity of diagnosing blew me away.

 

Trying Phosphatidyl Serine 300 mg at night time, I had little expectation but I went to bed easier and hours earlier, not tossing and sleep the first 2 nights for 8 hours. Last night got in 5 good hours which I'll take. It's causing me to have a headache and some nausea. Yesterday did notice a nice floating effect. Hmm, a simple amino acid does this? I'll see how long this will help me and then maybe will try amino acid...Taurine.

[Nikki]

Aria years ago I used to take a full spectrum Amino Acid powder (before meds) and I honestly don't remember if it did anything.

 

Is it a bad idea?  And safer to do one at a time like you are doing?

[Aria]

Aria years ago I used to take a full spectrum Amino Acid powder (before meds) and I honestly don't remember if it did anything.

 

Is it a bad idea?  And safer to do one at a time like you are doing?

 

I plan to use one amino acid at a time (experimenting on my own). Trying to see if it will help with my insomnia. 

 

Didn't know there was a amino acid combo powder?? What's its name?

[Meimeiquest]

Aria, have you ever had a sleep study? Probably you wouldn't want the solutions they might suggest, but it might give you some insight as to what is going on. I am just throwing this out, have no idea if it would be worth it.

[Nikki]

There are several brands....they are just called Full Spectrum Amino Acids.

 

Aria it is such a crap shoot with supplements while on AD's or tapering them.  That has been my experience with the exception of magnesium citrate.  I was a powder I mixed in ice tea and it did stop anxiety, but it can cause diarrhea...

 

I think doing it one at a time is probably the best way to proceed.  Good luck.  Insomnia (for me) affects everything.  Mood, anxiety, outlook, etc.

 

One of my customers puts a lavender soaked cotton ball under her pillow.....and then there is the epsom salt which you can soak in.

 

I am not having insomnia...the serzone does help me fall asleep.

 

Hugs

[Aria]

I'm psych drug free and have been for years. I had 2 friends recently mention I might need a sleep study. I had a 24 hr sleep study over seen by my neurologist 8 yrs ago and it showed I slept during the day (?). I know my sleep is messed up from 15 yrs on various psych drugs including multiple anti psychotics. I'm so glad my thinking and emotions have evened out but still waiting for my sleep to be OK once again (it hasn't rallied yet). Sleep seems to be the last vestige to adjust being psych drug free.

 

An aside:

The other day I was returning a bed pillow and a lady came up to me asking why. She said she was buying 2 pillows like the one I returned and what didn't I like about them. I replied it wasn't the pillow it was me. Then she said she had awful insomnia even through she takes Ambien (she looked exhausted). I told her I hadn't slept the night before so I was wobbly myself. We both laughed about not sleeping as we left the store.

[Meimeiquest]

Like they could measure your daytime sleep in a sleep study??? Do I remember that your very first visit to the pdoc was because of insomnia? When I went to the sleep dr., the tech said she had just had a study that showed very frequent awakenings...they wanted her to have a CT scan. They had a psychologist who just worked with people on non-drug solutions. I didn't go because I had severe sleep apnea...with no symptoms. Anyway, I just hope you can find an answer soon.

[Nikki]

Aria I should go back and read your intro......how long have you been med free and how on earth did you do it.  Do you attribute the meds to the current lack of sleep?

[Aria]

Like they could measure your daytime sleep in a sleep study??? Do I remember that your very first visit to the pdoc was because of insomnia? When I went to the sleep dr., the tech said she had just had a study that showed very frequent awakenings...they wanted her to have a CT scan. They had a psychologist who just worked with people on non-drug solutions. I didn't go because I had severe sleep apnea...with no symptoms. Anyway, I just hope you can find an answer soon.

 

It was a 24 hr sleep test and I quickly fell into REM sleep during each of my three day time naps. I said no way I went to sleep but the tests showed I have. After I left the sleep clinic I as exhausted and I staggered home. I didn't have sleep apnea, restless legs, etc, all normal except not sleeping at night. Naturally I felt this situation may not had been a true reflection of my sleep habits but I think the neurologist wanted to check how my progression neurological disease might affect sleeping. I rarely can take daytime naps but it'd be nice if I could. I've wondered about therapists who supposively help with insomnia but I'm skittish on seeing any type of "mental health professional". If I only knew how to have refreshing and reliable sleep.

 

Aria I should go back and read your intro......how long have you been med free and how on earth did you do it.  Do you attribute the meds to the current lack of sleep?

 

Yes, I originally had seen a pdoc about not sleeping due to an auto accident and the related pain from it. This started my journey with psychiatry  (read my Intro). I tapered off numerous drugs in 2012 and finished 2014, came off too quickly but didn't know any other way to do this. I have to wonder if my sleep issues are still related to the drugs? I was poly drugged for over 15 yrs and it was strong chemical combinations.

 

I have 2 other threads: "Drugged Crazy" (in off topics) and then my success story that might interest you?

 

Thank you both for your interest and concern.

[Barbarannamated]

Aria,

 

Wow! I didn't realize you had come off the drugs so recently! I usually read on mobile and miss the sig part). I think your sleep problems are very likely related to the drugs, at least in part. I'm 3 years off of 2 drugs and still suffering protracted withdrawal and sleep problems.

 

ETA: Your sig says you've been drug free for years, however in previous message above, you mention that you DCd in 2012-14. (Forgive my confusion...it's early here on west coast!)

[Aria]

Aria,

 

Wow! I didn't realize you had come off the drugs so recently! I usually read on mobile and miss the sig part). I think your sleep problems are very likely related to the drugs, at least in part. I'm 3 years off of 2 drugs and still suffering protracted withdrawal and sleep problems.

 

ETA: Your sig says you've been drug free for years, however in previous message above, you mention that you DCd in 2012-14. (Forgive my confusion...it's early here on west coast!)

 

I'm sorry I meant 2002-2004, got the years wrong''''

[Aria]

My friend is now saying her pdoc wants her on new 3 meds. She was almost finished tapering off her benzo and her dad passed away. Naturally she became despondent and her family decided she needed help. She keeps saying she has a brain disease and is mentally ill (she's parroting what she's heard). To me she's lady who has had a lot of stress (tapering, marital issues, no spouse or family support) and lost a much loved parent so why is this considered a brain disease?

 

To me this is sad because she doesn't need to be on 3-4 psych drugs (including Seroquel for sleep). She needs support and compassion not pills.

 

Another person lost because her tapering off a psychiatric drug and normal bereavement seen as a mental illness.......

[Aria]

Been taking phosphatidylserine 200-300 mg at night for 11 days and have slept soundly. Going to bed 2-4 hours sooner and falling to sleep quickly, less tossing and turning, much less nocturnal bladder issues, less awakenings and I'm remembering my dreams when I get up. It may not last but for now I'm enjoying sleeping with less awakenings.

 

I got the info about phosphatidylserine from one of Alto's sleep treads. Thank you, Alto.

[compsports]

Hi Aria,

 

My friend is now saying her pdoc wants her on new 3 meds. She was almost finished tapering off her benzo and her dad passed away. Naturally she became despondent and her family decided she needed help. She keeps saying she has a brain disease and is mentally ill (she's parroting what she's heard). To me she's lady who has had a lot of stress (tapering, marital issues, no spouse or family support) and lost a much loved parent so why is this considered a brain disease?

 

To me this is sad because she doesn't need to be on 3-4 psych drugs (including Seroquel for sleep). She needs support and compassion not pills.

 

Another person lost because her tapering off a psychiatric drug and normal bereavement seen as a mental illness.......

This type of post makes me so sick.  It is like your friend almost made it out of jail only to be captured by the prison guards.

 

Well, you know in this society that grief past two weeks is considered a mental illness.   It is so cruel.

[compsports]

Been taking phosphatidylserine 200-300 mg at night for 11 days and have slept soundly. Going to bed 2-4 hours sooner and falling to sleep quickly, less tossing and turning, much less nocturnal bladder issues, less awakenings and I'm remembering my dreams when I get up. It may not last but for now I'm enjoying sleeping with less awakenings.

 

I got the info about phosphatidylserine from one of Alto's sleep treads. Thank you, Alto.

I am so happy for you knowing that you have struggled so much in this area.  May your good fortune continue.

[Aria]

Hi Aria,

 

My friend is now saying her pdoc wants her on new 3 meds. She was almost finished tapering off her benzo and her dad passed away. Naturally she became despondent and her family decided she needed help. She keeps saying she has a brain disease and is mentally ill (she's parroting what she's heard). To me she's lady who has had a lot of stress (tapering, marital issues, no spouse or family support) and lost a much loved parent so why is this considered a brain disease?

 

To me this is sad because she doesn't need to be on 3-4 psych drugs (including Seroquel for sleep). She needs support and compassion not pills.

 

Another person lost because her tapering off a psychiatric drug and normal bereavement seen as a mental illness.......

This type of post makes me so sick.  It is like your friend almost made it out of jail only to be captured by the prison guards.

 

Well, you know in this society that grief past two weeks is considered a mental illness.   It is so cruel.

I've tried to help but she feels so defeated dealing with this huge loss on top of her benzo taper. Her family is adamant she needs psychiatric help (the psychiatrist said "with your family history of mental illness you'll need these drugs"). I told her she can write her own future and don't let someone say you're destined to be a certain way. I doubt she'll get off this new drug regiment.

[Aria]

I know I am healed in thought and expression when I've sat outside this week quietly planting spring flowers and feeling the sun on my face. The calmness, the joy of nature, simple pleasure of gardening, reading novels again, being productive, so many things. When I was poly drugged I was unable to sit still (akathisia), terrified to be alone, bloated, confused and distressed.

 

There are so many negative things to say about psychiatric drugs and how they steal the air you breath. The struggle to be drug free has opened up a grand avenue of new possibilities to try and accomplish. I'm glad to me again.

[Aria]

I know an uninformed person would think I'm stubborn or stupid for holding off taking any sleep meds but after my experience with poly drugging I'm scared silly to take anything. People who haven't gone thru hellish w/d or how additive these drugs can be have no idea. They casually say why not take something, I do? I'm afraid my poor CNS would blow another gasket if I introduced a psych drug again. Sleeping would be nice, to know tonight I'll be able to sleep but what consequences will I face later on?? Been there, done it.

 

Since I rarely use my beds they're like new.

 

[compsports]

I know an uninformed person would think I'm stubborn or stupid for holding off taking any sleep meds but after my experience with poly drugging I'm scared silly to take anything. People who haven't gone thru hellish w/d or how additive these drugs can be have no idea. They casually say why not take something, I do? I'm afraid my poor CNS would blow another gasket if I introduced a psych drug again. Sleeping would be nice, to know tonight I'll be able to sleep but what consequences will I face later on?? Been there, done it.

 

Since I rarely use my beds they're like new.

Oh, I totally understand and went through the same thing.   Your position is totally understandable.

 

Although to be honest, if I found a med that worked, I would take it in a heartbeat.   The problem is that hasn't happened and I don't plan on reinstating the game of "chase the  perfect med".