rubywednesday: Olanzapine withdrawal

[rubywednesday]

@hayduke Hi, thanks for the advice, yeah I've slowed both my duloxetine and (will eventually) olanzapine tapers.  I'll just need to be patient, I know I've got a long road ahead of me but so far it's been going well.

 

Day 2  had a good day, went for a meal with a male friend and had coffee at another friend's after my nap (tough at the top lol).  I just wondered if somebody could explain neuro emotions?  I think i get some of these when I taper but how do you distinguish neuro emotions from "normal" emotions?  Sometimes even the "bad" emotions are better than having no emotions like when I was doped up to the eyeballs on psychiatric drugs.

 

Wishing everyone a peaceful and happy week.

 

Ruby x

[Greatful]

@rubywednesday  Here is a thread  on neuro- emotions

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/14397-neuro-emotions/

 

 

[rubywednesday]

@Greatful thanks for the link, I think I understand it now.  

 

Can't sleep tonight, it's 3am, but it doesn't really matter as I don't have to get up early tomorrow.  I think I get withdrawal symptoms a day or two after a reduction and they peak at about a week.  Mood is fine, seeing my befriender tomorrow evening, looking forward to that, poor woman has to listen to me wittering on lol.  2 hot chocolates and a couple of sleep herbal teas later, zzz lol

Ruby x

 

 

[rubywednesday]

Day 4 slept much better last night, only up once.  Had a good day at my volunteering and enjoyed my gym class.  Not to mention losing weight, happy days lol.  

 

Ruby x

[Greatful]

@rubywednesday You are doing so good.  I can just see you dancing around the kitchen.  You sound so perky, it is contagious.  😊

[rubywednesday]

Day 5 Thanks @Greatful didn't sleep well last night but still had quite a good day today (I was at one of my volunteering jobs).  I find myself ruminating about the past a fair bit but I try not to allow myself to be sucked in by it and in the middle of the night I was telling myself it's just neuro-emotions/let it go lol.  Good old distraction and exercise helps (I cycled 20 odd miles today).   I'm also finding I'm much more empathetic than when I was on the maximum dose psych drugs (my ex-partner's dad has died and my sister's possibly going to give up her job due to ill health and is worried about her finances) and helping them helps me feel better about myself.  I try to keep busy but I need to get up early tomorrow to attend my volunteering with the Salvation Army, I'm just gonna take a sleeping tablet (nitrazepam) and hope it works.  How are you feeling now?  Hope you're a bit better and a window is just round the corner, (((greatful)))

 

Ruby x

 

 

[rubywednesday]

Day 6  Slept not too bad without a sleeping tablet woohoo!  However, I didn't have a great day just little things annoying me and generally a bit crabbit!  Although I enjoyed a short cycle in the evening sunshine and went to a fantastic bipolar group meeting.  They're going to be doing research into the ketogenic diet for managing bipolar, I hope to sign up for it, starting early next year.  

 

Ruby x

[rubywednesday]

Day 7 mood quite low, hoping it's just withdrawal and not my depression returning.  Missing some of my supports as my ex partner and sister are dealing with their own problems at the moment and it's been a bit of a miserable day so not been able to get out much on my bike.   Had a nice lunch with my friend but also been a bit tearful.  Not as bad as the mood swings I got when I came off quetiapine and I'm trying to distract myself and meditate.  Hope tomorrow's better.

 

Ruby x

[rubywednesday]

Day 8 - 35 mg Duloxetine, I can't believe what a difference a day makes!  I took my olanzapine an hour early last night and it sorted my mood out (it developed into a mood swing and I ended up laughing out loud instead lol).  I slept much  better last night and I had a good day today, met a friend for lunch and another friend came round and helped out in my garden (what a gem!).  Day 7 is definitely the worst day in my taper so I'll have to keep that in mind for next month.  

 

Ruby x

[Altostrata]

Hello, @rubywednesday

 

A decrease to 35mg from 40mg duloxetine is a 12.5mg reduction. A decrease of 5mg from 35mg would be a 14.3% reduction. 

 

I would take a week of withdrawal symptoms as a sign your reductions are too large. A few days of withdrawal symptoms is acceptable, but a week is too much.

 

Why did you decide to take olanzapine earlier in the day? What times o'clock do you take your drugs now? It's important to be consistent in your schedule.

[rubywednesday]

2 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

Hello, @rubywednesday

 

A decrease to 35mg from 40mg duloxetine is a 12.5mg reduction. A decrease of 5mg from 35mg would be a 14.3% reduction. 

 

I would take a week of withdrawal symptoms as a sign your reductions are too large. A few days of withdrawal symptoms is acceptable, but a week is too much.

 

Why did you decide to take olanzapine earlier in the day? What times o'clock do you take your drugs now? It's important to be consistent in your schedule.

Hi @Altostrata thank you so much for the advice.  I realise my taper has been quite large drops but I'm definitely going to slow it down now I'm almost at half my original dose.  The Cymbalta Hurst Worse (CHW) FB group advises a 5% reduction every 2 weeks and I've been thinking of trying that. 

 

I've been weighing my drugs so not too sure how accurate the doses are (my pill cutter almost never cuts the olanzapine exactly in half) and my scales are only accurate to about 3mg.   I normally take my duloxetine at 10 am and my olanzapine at 10pm.  I took the olanzapine early as I thought it would lift my mood (and it worked, apart from the mood swing).  The depression I had yesterday was a new symptom, I usually only get a little insomnia (insomnia is normal for me anyway) and I'm feeling fine today.

 

Ruby x

[rubywednesday]

Day 9, not a bad day, feeling a little low but nothing to worry about.  Sleep ok,  had a long lie.  Started my sponsored walk (it has to be completed in September) and cycled 20 miles.  Had a good blether to my sister, she's feeling a bit better too.

 

Ruby x

[rubywednesday]

Day 10, didn't sleep well and not a great day.  The psychiatrist still refuses to see me and has insisted I need to come off all my medication over the next year (hence why I'm trying to rush the taper).   Quite tearful but talking to my sister and meditation has helped me through.  Trying to acknowledge achievements I have made today to help bring my mood up ie did the dishes,  bathed, had lunch with a friend and cycled 20 odd miles.  I've taken my olanzapine now and that has helped too.  Hoping I can stabilise on this dose of duloxetine soon but in the great big scheme of things it's not going too badly (but I'm definitely going to slow it down from now on).  I'm a bit pissed off as I get a different manufacturer of the duloxetine each time which probably isn't causing me too much trouble at the moment but might in the future (they're short of pharmacists so it's a different one each time too!).

 

Ruby x

[hayduke]

Have you considered finding a supportive clinical psychologist instead?  You might find it refreshing to deal with healers for a change after dealing with the average shrink.  They're a key part of my tapering plan and support.  There are psychiatrists they could confer with and call for backup if they were needed, but they've not been so far (touch wood).

 

When the original prescriber I had been saddled with said he wouldn't see me any more since I was going off the drug, I have found my GP supportive enough to prescribe for my taper.

 

At the start of the first covid outbreak, she arranged with the chemist to fill 3 months worth of script for me in case of supply issues.  You might find you can stock up on your preferred make of the drug, and arrange for your chemist and doctor to make sure you can do this when they have stock.

 

Cheers

[rubywednesday]

21 hours ago, hayduke said:

Have you considered finding a supportive clinical psychologist instead?  You might find it refreshing to deal with healers for a change after dealing with the average shrink.  They're a key part of my tapering plan and support.  There are psychiatrists they could confer with and call for backup if they were needed, but they've not been so far (touch wood).

 

When the original prescriber I had been saddled with said he wouldn't see me any more since I was going off the drug, I have found my GP supportive enough to prescribe for my taper.

 

At the start of the first covid outbreak, she arranged with the chemist to fill 3 months worth of script for me in case of supply issues.  You might find you can stock up on your preferred make of the drug, and arrange for your chemist and doctor to make sure you can do this when they have stock.

 

Cheers

Thanks @hayduke I waited 18 months for 6 sessions of CBT and I'm back on the waiting list for another 6 sessions, she was useless but I can't afford to pay for a private therapist.  Hopefully my GP will be supportive but it was her who recommend I taper from 120 to 60 mg over 2 months!  I don't hold out much hope, so I just lie to them to try and persuade them to keep prescribing the drugs.  I get monthly prescriptions and even that is difficult to get the chemist to give them to me at the right time.  

 

Day 11, didn't sleep well and hence slept in but managed to get to my voluntary job on time.  It was really busy and pretty stressful but I got through it.  Had a lovely cycle in the sunshine and a good blether to my sister.  Got a training course tomorrow and Thursday and a funeral Thursday afternoon, just wish the week was over and hopefully next week will be better.  Still practising my meditation and mindfulness which helps a bit.  

 

Ruby x

[rubywednesday]

Day 12, slept better and generally had a better day.  My training course went quite well and I  cycled 20 miles in the evening.  My friend cooked my dinner for me too which was nice.  

 

My main worries are when I get unwell, after I come off the medication, the doctors won't help me.  Last year I was so depressed on quetiapine I couldn't get out of bed but my doctor refused to reduce it until I told him I was coming off it whether he liked it or not.  My other problem is whether I'll get refused disability benefits if I don't have a psychiatrist and I'm not on any medication.  I've not worked for almost 20 years and even when I did I was always off sick, especially after being bullied at work. Another night of insomnia, roll on the weekend.

 

Ruby x

[Greatful]

@rubywednesday  Sorry things have been up and down for you.  I guess it is par for the course they say.  

On 9/6/2021 at 4:34 PM, rubywednesday said:

The psychiatrist still refuses to see me and has insisted I need to come off all my medication over the next year (hence why I'm trying to rush the taper). 

What is this all about?  How can he refuse to see you and why is he insisting you get off your meds?  Crazy how he has  no regard for your well for safety and health.  

Why can't these doctors get caught up with the newest information out there on dealing with these drugs............

 

On 9/6/2021 at 4:34 PM, rubywednesday said:

Trying to acknowledge achievements I have made today to help bring my mood up ie did the dishes,  bathed, had lunch with a friend and cycled 20 odd miles. 

You are a inspiration with your determination to  keep plowing ahead.  Biking 20 many times a week is a great accomplishment.  

 

Hang in there.  One day at a time❤️

[rubywednesday]

40 minutes ago, Greatful said:

@rubywednesday  Sorry things have been up and down for you.  I guess it is par for the course they say.  

What is this all about?  How can he refuse to see you and why is he insisting you get off your meds?  Crazy how he has  no regard for your well for safety and health.  

Why can't these doctors get caught up with the newest information out there on dealing with these drugs............

 

You are a inspiration with your determination to  keep plowing ahead.  Biking 20 many times a week is a great accomplishment.  

 

Hang in there.  One day at a time❤️

 

Thanks @Grateful, I was trying to see a new psychiatrist as I walked out on the other one (he mistook elation for abandonment, moron) but they've decided I'm not bipolar but borderline and that drugs don't work for borderline.  I think psychiatrists haven't got a clue, I've been diagnosed with anxiety and depression for 18 years, bipolar for 14 and now it's borderline personality disorder, what a crock of ****.  It doesn't help that the duloxetine makes me angry and impatient and I shout at the bastards! 

 

I'd love to take credit for the 20 miles but it's an ebike so I'm not doing much of the effort!  

 

Day 13, poor sleep last night but surprisingly not too tired today.  Mood still up and down a bit.  I felt a bit frazzled after my training course but managed to get out of the afternoon session as I had a funeral (I ended up just watching it on video link).  The weather's been pretty awful today but I still managed to get out on my bike for an hour or so.  Watched a really good Action for Happiness webinar titled Character and Happiness, googled Core Values and came up with:  Compassion/Empathy;  Fairness/Honesty;  Learning/Self Growth and Authenticity.  So that's what I'm gonna be aiming for.  Probably not a good idea but I'm gonna stay up and watch the tennis (about 1.30am in the UK).  Hoping everyone has big windows and that people in a wave can learn to surf.

 

Ruby x

[rubywednesday]

Day 14, slept better and had a much better day today.  Went for a meal with a friend and watched more of the US Open, Raducanu won so I'm dead chuffed.  Can't wait for the final tomorrow.  

 

Ruby x

[rubywednesday]

Day 16, sleep much better and mood much improved, hopefully this will continue.  Will definitely slow my taper down from now on.  Got my bike fixed and finished our sponsored walk.  A bit of a lazy day, had a nap in the afternoon and watched the US open.  

 

Ruby x

[Neon]

hey I am happy you are doing well 🙂 yes slowing the taper is probably a good idea though 🙂 wish you all the best

[rubywednesday]

Hi @Neon thanks for stopping by and I hope your taper is going ok. 

 

Today I took the leftover beads from the duloxetine tablets that have been sitting in a bowl for several weeks/months and I was just wondering if they lose their efficacy with not being in a capsule?  I wouldn't say I was depressed but I have been a bit tearful this evening, reliving past traumas etc.  It may just be withdrawal from the previous drop.   Otherwise I had a good day, went for lunch with a friend and met up with my befriender, where I talked and talked, the poor girl!  Don't think I'm hypomanic but I'll be keeping an eye on it.  Skiving my volunteering tomorrow, I'm not really enjoying it anymore, so I may pack it in but tomorrow I'm having a long lie lol.

 

Ruby x

[Neon]

@rubywednesday I would definitely slow down the taper now and go with max 10% taper. Too large drops can also ramp up and bite you in the ass later. If I were you I would hold now for a good while and then when you feel completely stable continue, and only then. 

 

I am trying to stabilize currently (immense crash after too fast taper) and hope to taper again in the future.

[rubywednesday]

Thanks for the advice @Neon, I don't have a schedule, I'm just tapering when I feel stable enough to do it and I certainly don't at the moment.  PAWS does worry me as I had quite big drops in the beginning but I'm gonna stick to the < 10% from now on.  I'm also in for a minor operation 1 October so I'm definitely gonna hold until after that.  Hope you manage to stabilise soon, some of your symptoms sound pretty scary.

 

Day 18  Had a poor night's sleep last night but managed a long lie (and a nap).  Had coffee at a friend's and another friend brought seabass for dinner which I cooked for us, yum!  My sister's irritating me again but I'm just gonna let her make her own mistakes.  My mood has picked up as the day went on, really hoping this window will last!

 

Ruby x

[rubywednesday]

Day 20, had a good couple of days, sleep still not great but nothing to worry about.  Was quite anxious this morning but really enjoyed my volunteering and went for a cycle in the autumn sunshine this afternoon.  Been practising appreciation meditation, really appreciating it lol. 

 

Ruby x

[rubywednesday]

Day 21 Had a friend round for lunch and she helped me tidy up (what a gem!), went out on my bike and had a blether with my sister on the phone.  Took the coward's way out and texted my boss at my volunteering to say I'm not coming back!  They better still pay their sponsor money.  Gonna start back volunteering with the vaccination programme when they start giving out the booster jags instead.  Hopefully I'll get vaccinated while I'm there (there is a method in my madness lol).   Still waking up a bit in the night but getting back to sleep ok most of the time, mood quite good.  And I managed to fix the timer on my central heating, so I can now switch it on and off with my phone or on the timer (me and technology don't mix lol).

 

Ruby x

[Greatful]

@rubywednesday

You are a power house.   I am so inspired, you just keep moving on.   I am going to steal some of your secret potion so I can sail like you❤️

I might have to go to the crabby room to get a attitude adjustment.  No more whining for me.

Well of course that is only until the next bump in the road. 🥴

 

 

 

[rubywednesday]

@Greatful, you're so kind, but it's you that's amazing, with all you've got going on in your own life and you support so many other people I take my hat off to you.  If it were me I'd be tearing my hair out.  I never think of you as whining, just getting terrible withdrawals, I really wish there was something I could do to help.  (I wish I knew what that secret potion was, I'd give it to everyone lol).  

 

Day 22, had a duvet day, it was nice to have a long lie and doss about the house all day.  A friend came for coffee but other than that I've done very little.  

 

Ruby x

[rubywednesday]

Day 23, slept in again despite a good night's sleep.  Was a little low in the morning but my mood picked up as the day went on.  Had lunch with a friend, coffee at another friend's house and met up with my befriender in the evening.

 

ruby x

[rubywednesday]

Day 24 & 25, having a pretty rough time, very tearful yesterday and a bit today, had some SI and the insomnia was also quite bad.  Not to mention the anger/aggression.  Posted on Cymbalta Hurts Worse and all these symptoms appear to be withdrawal.  Found it hard to convince myself that it was just a wave and it would pass and I struggled to do my meditation last night too.  Feeling quite a bit calmer/more positive since I've written to my GP and packed in my volunteering and wrote a letter of complaint to the manager regarding the chef and the supervisor's handling of my complaint.  The chef seems to think he can get away with murder by pretending everything's banter and the manager seems to think the sun shines out of his arse.  I've still got 2 voluntary jobs, the one on the vaccination programme has fallen through, which I'm not too bothered about apart from wanting to get the booster.  I'm quite worried about the minor op I'm getting in a week or two (what a whoose lol).   Hoping I've turned a corner but only time will tell.  Thought about updosing but 1) I'm probably too late and 2) it seems like a backward step and hopefully I can tough it out and there'll be a window just round the corner.

 

Ruby x

[rubywednesday]

Day 26, think I'm having a mixed bipolar episode, loads of thoughts and angry.  Think I've figured out what's wrong with the chef, I've been coming in early so I could get a coffee before my shift and he thinks I've been insubordinate coz I tell him I'll do the dishes in a minute, ie when my shift starts, what a moron.  My other volunteering is going well, my boss is sooo lovely, I've even agreed to go to the church service next week (it's with the salvation army). Love and light to everyone.  Not sure what to do about the mixed episode, extra olanzapine would knock it on the head but I want to come off this crap not take more.

 

Ruby xx

[Greatful]

@rubywednesday  Hi there Ruby,

I just love to read your posts.  Even when you are struggling you have your sense of humor.

Of course I don't want you  to be hurting😖  I think you are in a wave and that it will pass.  I have mood swing that change through out the day sometimes.  I will have anger spell, then low spells, like I said before.  It's like being on a merry-go- round,  round and round we go what symptom will show up nobody knows............

On 9/22/2021 at 2:53 PM, rubywednesday said:

 Found it hard to convince myself that it was just a wave and it would pass and I struggled to do my meditation last night too. 

I go through times were I can hardly do any meditation.  But it is important to keep at it, 1. You don't want to get out of the habit, 2. Every time you meditate you are strengthening  your skills.  Besides it get you to sit quiet and rest for a little bit.

Are you meditations guided?  I use both,  low guide on  meditation from Headspace app. and some guided ones from youtube.

 

Hang in there, one day at a time.

 

Hang in there, I know that you will get through this wave and rest and then take on the next one.  I am sure most everyone who is a wave will agree that this will go on for ever or that I must need these meds.......Keep reaching out and getting the extra assurance that you are healing😊

 

Do you journal?   This can be a good way to look back and see the progress( slow but steady)

[rubywednesday]

On 9/24/2021 at 5:54 PM, Greatful said:

@rubywednesday  Hi there Ruby,

I just love to read your posts.  Even when you are struggling you have your sense of humor.

Of course I don't want you  to be hurting😖  I think you are in a wave and that it will pass.  I have mood swing that change through out the day sometimes.  I will have anger spell, then low spells, like I said before.  It's like being on a merry-go- round,  round and round we go what symptom will show up nobody knows............

I go through times were I can hardly do any meditation.  But it is important to keep at it, 1. You don't want to get out of the habit, 2. Every time you meditate you are strengthening  your skills.  Besides it get you to sit quiet and rest for a little bit.

Are you meditations guided?  I use both,  low guide on  meditation from Headspace app. and some guided ones from youtube.

Hang in there, I know that you will get through this wave and rest and then take on the next one.  I am sure most everyone who is a wave will agree that this will go on for ever or that I must need these meds.......Keep reaching out and getting the extra assurance that you are healing😊

 

Do you journal?   This can be a good way to look back and see the progress( slow but steady)

@Greatful, it's always so nice to get a post from you and I really appreciate your suggestions/advice.  Yeah I think my moods have levelled off a bit (for now anyway).  I also do headspace meditation, I've tried to meditate for many decades but it's only through headspace that I feel that I've managed to get anywhere.  I've been repeating the appreciation meditations over and over, love them.   I do journal and I keep a gratitude journal too, it's a real skill to allow the appreciation/gratitude to bubble up and it doesn't always work but it's getting easier.  Had a lovely night out with my new man last night but discovered something about his past which is really bad, so considering whether I want to get into a relationship with him.  I've been seeing him for several weeks but never really thought I fancied him but last night was different.  We seem to have a lot in common in some ways (musically) but not in others (I would really like someone I can go cycling with for example - I'm not obsessed lol).  

 

Day 28 & 29, couldn't sleep (got 2 hours), not sure if it's mania or withdrawal.  My IBS been playing up, not sure if withdrawal or drinking loads of irn bru (pop) and eating crap during the night.  Had a good day yesterday, doing the "shake n vac" (you have to live in the UK and be old to remember this) and singing/dancing.  Had lots of fcuk it moments, ate a bacon roll (coz fish and pigs don't mind on a veggie diet lol !), got drunk and was that close to smoking (I gave up in January - every year!)  Much better day today, slept 10 or so hours and chilled all day.  Feel my mood is much more stable and I'm deciding what to do about my volunteering (probably gonna pack both jobs in) and might reapply to the Guide Dogs for the Blind and continue with the Salvation Army.  Hung up on my sister yesterday, will probably need to eat humble pie at some point, not in a hurry lol.

 

Ruby x

[rubywednesday]

@Greatful sorry to bother you but I don't know what mod I should ask about the way I'm doing my meds.  I'm weighing every tablet and capsule and working out the (almost) exact weight of each tablet of duloxetine I need to take, ie the beads weigh  x and I multiply 35/60 to get that day's tablet.  I'm struggling a bit to do it now cause my hands shake, and maybe counting would be more accurate but I've tried that on numerous occasions and really feel unable to do it.  I think I've bought a fairly accurate scales but they seem to vary by up to about 0.005 or so.  I also calibrate them every night, except tonight as I forgot to do them until quite late.  Hey, I cut the olanzapine exactly in 2 lol.  I used to take my meds religiously at 10 am and 10 pm but it's varying a bit if I'm sleeping (I went to bed last night at 7.30pm) and didn't remember to take them til 11.30 am this morning.  Sorry to disappoint, there's not much humour in my post tonight, hope you're alright and that we both get windows tomorrow. 

 

Day 30 & 31, had a really bad day yesterday, only the second day of SI but last night I had a plan - I've attempted suicide more times than I've had hot breakfasts in the past, I've only ended up in intensive care once but I've tried many, many different methods ie I've tried to hang myself on occasions, the first time the rope broke and the second I could touch the floor.   Cried most of the day, ruminating on past traumas and seriously pissed off about how I've been treated at my voluntary work.  Really struggling to meditate and fill in my journals, didn't feel grateful for anything.  Probably not thinking straight but I'm seriously thinking of cutting off all my family (I did this in my teens as all they did was criticise me and I really thought I was alright - I was kind and caring and that's what I thought/think is important).  I started smoking yesterday and have been chain smoking ever since.  Let's hope I don't turn to the bottle (I've had problems with alcohol in the past).  Today has been a bit better, cried most of the morning/afternoon (no SI) but my GP has prescribed me more Nitrazepam (took 5mg last night) as I had no sleep Saturday night and only a couple of hours other nights.  She also said to phone the Crisis team if I feel suicidal again (They've never helped me in the past, so I'm sure they wouldn't now) and she said to phone the Surgery back on Friday if I still feel bad.  Slept 10 hours and felt like **** physically this morning banging sore head and feeling really groggy.  Wrote a long letter of complaint (3 pages lol) to the head of the organisation I volunteered for and feel a bit better about it.  My ex partner (we're still really close) said I shouldn't post it when he read it but I'm fed up being the bad guy when I've been working my butt off for them, I feel like such a mug for putting up with it.  Quite worried I won't be able to do the things I need to do this week, lunch tomorrow, the theatre/meal on Thursday, phone a client for my other volunteering and I'd like to attend the Church service on Sunday (I'm an out and out atheist but I was invited (I volunteer for the Sally Army) and I always say you can't knock it if you haven't tried it lol) and my friend's mother's funeral when it's organised.  I also forgot all about my befriender today but luckily she said she'd see me next week (It's the last one).  A friend phoned tonight to ask me a favour, one of the many one way friendships I had (I got rid of all the others).  I told him that I wasn't alright but he never asked what was wrong and terminated the call once I said I'd do the favour.  Feeling really sorry for myself and starting to wonder if I'm getting paranoid the way I'm interacting with people.  Sorry for bleating on about my problems but it helps me to get it down on 'paper'.

 

Forgot to mention my IBS has also been bad and I think I've been getting restless legs syndrome.

 

Ruby x

 

PS I'm so grateful for this site and I'm really impressed with how some people on here cope with such appalling wd symptoms, I wish I was that strong. 

 

[Greatful]

@rubywednesday

16 hours ago, rubywednesday said:

sorry to bother you but I don't know what mod I should ask about the way I'm doing my meds. 

Ruby PLEASE don't ever feel like you can't ask my anything or reach out and let this fly.  We are here for each other, through the thick and thin..........

16 hours ago, rubywednesday said:

had a really bad day yesterday, only the second day of SI but last night I had a plan -

I know what si feels like ( have never had a plan in motion) but it is very painful and the thoughts are so distorted.  Let's make a pact that we will think of each other and what we would tell each other  to encourage each other to do on, then those thoughts and beliefs to ourselves.  

 

16 hours ago, rubywednesday said:

Probably not thinking straight but I'm seriously thinking of cutting off all my family (I did this in my teens as all they did was criticise me and I really thought I was alright - I was kind and caring and that's what I thought/think is important).

If you truly, deep down inside feel like they are not supporting you and cause you more pain, then yes you need to stick to the people who are going to support you in the a healthy positive way.  

 

16 hours ago, rubywednesday said:

Wrote a long letter of complaint (3 pages lol) to the head of the organisation I volunteered for and feel a bit better about it.  My ex partner (we're still really close) said I shouldn't post it when he read it but I'm fed up being the bad guy

I do agree with your friend.  It is very beneficial to write out your anger and pain, but sending it will not help you.  When you feel you are in a healthier place and can think with a clearer mid with no cognitive distortions, then yes by all means write them a letter.

I really think you could use some help with negative cognitive distortions.  I have worked on this before and it has shown me how off track my thoughts are and how much they cause depression and anxiety.  I got away from practicing it and took in up again.  Please go on Amazon and buy the book  "when panic attacks"  By David D. Burns  It will teach you what are cognitive distortions.  I just started the book and I hope that it will help with the panic and depression.  Look it up and see if you think it will be a good fit for you.

 

I want you to tag either  Altostrata  or Brassmonkey on the tapering.  Do this right away please.

 

Please go to a hospital before you do anything to yourself.  

Hang in there Ruby

[rubywednesday]

@Greatful, thank you so much for your advice, unfortunately I sent the letter today.  I don't think I said anything in the letter that's not true but I feel quite anxious about it.

 

I'll send a more detailed response later but I just wanted to let you know I'm alright.  I forgot to mention that I phoned a Suicide prevention line the other day, they got back to me today offering me counselling and my initial appointment is Thursday which is massive progress.  I'll probably have to wait quite a while for the counselling but the wheels are in motion.  

 

Thank you so much for your kind, caring and practical advice.  I really hope you're doing ok, fcuk those bloody psychiatrists/doctors.

 

Ruby x