username001: Antidepressant withdrawal sucks badly

[username001]

Hi my names Connor I am 19 years old and i got off Lexapro 3ish months ago, ever since getting off ive been faced with so many problems that prior to withdrawl I couldn’t of even fathomed. Right now my biggest issues are brain fog/memory problems/poor comprehension/speech problems/diminished inner voice m/confusion. These symptoms have consumed my everyday life ever since I got off of Lexapro. I experienced brain fog on Lexapro but nowhere near this degree. I just feel constantly confused all the time and I can’t remember anything to save my life, simple words I used to know look completely foreign to me and I struggle to grasp the definition and meaning behind words. I have trouble understanding simple instructions and feel very detached from this world . I struggle to remember my own family during certain times, they look familiar to a degree but everything feels off and I feel detached. I have been lurking on this forum ever since I quit. I just feel so hopeless with these cognition problems it feels like they will never end and I don’t know what to do about it. I had dreams and aspirations but this medicine ripped them from me and now life feels meaningless. I just want my mind back, I just wanna be able to communicate again and understand things and learn. It’s so frustrating because it seriously feels permanent. Colors look off the world looks off everything looks and feels off

Edited May 15, 2021 by Gridley

[Gridley]

Welcome to SA, username001.

 

To give members the best information, we ask them to summarize their medication history in a signature -- drugs, doses, dates, and discontinuations & reinstatements, in the last 12-24 months particularly.  Please include the dosage of Lexapro you were on andwhether you tapered or cold-turkeyed.  If you tapered, please tell us the rate at which youtspered.  Please also include the dose you were on when you stopped 3-ish months ago.

 

Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature.

 

You are experiencing antidepressant withdrawal.  The symptoms you describe are very typical of withdrawal.  So that you have a better idea of what you're experiencing, here is some information on withdrawal and the healing process.  The damage is not permanent.

 

 

What is withdrawal syndrome.

 

Daily Checklist of Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms (PDF) 

 

When we take psychiatric medications, the CNS (central nervous system) responds by making changes over the months and years we take the drug(s). When the medication is discontinued, the CNS has to undo all the changes it made. Rebuilding the neurotransmitter production and reactivating the receptor and transporter cells takes time -- during that rebuilding process symptoms occur.  

 

These explain the healing process really well.

 

Brain Remodelling 

 

Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

Reinstatement of a very small dose of the original drug is the only known way to help alleviate withdrawal syndrome.  The only alternative is to try and wait out the symptoms and manage as best you can until your central nervous system returns to homeostasis.  Unfortunately no one can give you an exact timeline as to when you will start feeling better and while some do recover relatively easily, for others it can take many months or longer.  

 

Reinstatement isn't a guarantee of diminished symptoms for everyone but it's the best tactic available.   At 3-ish months, you're likely within the time period when reinstatement predictably works, up to 3 months after last dose.  We usually suggest a much smaller reinstatement dose than your last dose.  Your system has become sensitized and If you take too much it may be too much for your brain and can cause you become more unstable.  Reinstatement  is temporary, and after stabilizing you would then taper gradually off of this.  There is some risk involved, and we need more specifics about your drug history before we can suggest a dose at which to reinstate.  Please read:

 

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms. -- at least the first page of the topic

 

If you decide you want to reinstate, let us know and, after you've completed your drug signature, we'll suggest a reinstatement dose, which, again, will be very small.   Please do not reinstate before letting us suggest a dosage.

 

We don't recommend a lot of supplements on SA, as many members report being sensitive to them due to our over-reactive nervous systems, but two supplements that we do recommend are magnesium and omega 3 (fish oil). Many people find these to be calming to the nervous system. 

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker 

 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) 

 

Add in one at a time and at a low dose in case you do experience problems. Get supplements that are single ingredient (not mixed with other types of supplements).

 

This is your Introduction topic, where you can complete your drug signature, ask questions and connect with other members.  We're glad you found your way here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited May 15, 2021 by Gridley

[Heath]

@username001 welcome to SA! Glad you found us! Sorry you are in a bad place rt now. Most of us have experienced what you are going through rt now. Definitely sounds like withdrawals. You will heal in time. This is not permanent. Listen to the moderators here and they will guide you through. Slow, steady, stable! Hang in there !

[username001]

@Gridleythank you for replying, I’ll go ahead and edit in the drug history whenever I get a moment. I don’t think I’m gonna reinstate because I’m scared of causing any further damage I think my best bet is to keep toughing it out until better days arrive. I have been taking magnesium threonate, fish oil, multivitamin and b complex along with probiotics. Thankfully the majority of symptoms I was experiencing have reduced greatly/dissapeared. the only things I suffer with right now are low libido, dull emotions, dp/dr and brain fog cognition issues. Along with vision issues, the brain fog is extremely frustrating and makes it hard for me to communicate with literally anyone, I find myself getting lost in the simplest of conversations and I can’t mutter more than a word or two. As for the vision issues some days the brightness in the world is off if that makes sense, like it can be a super sunny day out and my vision seems like it has adjusted the brightness/contrast, and the sky just looks off a lot like it’s really flat and lacking depth, I have read about people experiencing  depth perception problems and I feel like I might have trouble with it to a certain degree. All in all, I hope these symptoms disappear in the next couple months because they suck terribly and I totally feel for everyone else who is struggling with withdrawl symptoms. 

[username001]

@Heaththank you very much for the kind and reassuring words I truly appreciate them 

[Gridley]

@username001

 

It's great that your symptoms are improving.  Since that is the case, your decision not to reinstate is a wise one.

 

If your supplements are working for you, that's great.  However, I do want to let you know that we don't recommend multivitamins or supplements with more than one ingredient, because if there are problems you won't know the specific cause.  We also caution against B vitamins, which can be over-stimulating to people in withdrawal.

 

Hypersensitive to B Vitamin or B-Complex  

 

 

 

[Yesyes123]

Hey @username001 How long have you taken Lexapro for?

[username001]

Zoloft in the past for 8 months along with Wellbutrin. And Lexapro for 8 months final dose 3 months ago.

[brassmonkey]

We really need to see a summary of your drug use and taper history in a signature block.

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/24613-how-to-list-drug-history-in-signature/

 

 

[baderaalfaydi]

@username001

Can you elaborate more about inner voice problem.

[username001]

Hi all just wanted to check in and let everyone who’s interested know that it has now been 150 days since I stopped taking Lexapro. Not much has changed honestly since the last time I posted although I do have to say that the cognitive issues are slowly resolving, I noticed that I daydream a lot now and there’s a whole lot more going on inside my mind then there was a few months ago. I think my brain/mind still has to adjust to the revival of my inner voice and reasoning, because there are times where it is more prominent compared to other days. Comprehension/computation/ability to problem solve, definitely could be improved, I still feel like a dumb*** the majority of the time. Speech is another thing that really troubles me, it seems my mind has such a hard time stringing together sentences when I try to speak, it’s like my brain is covered in tar and I cannot respond appropriately(only muttering a few words, and slurring/butchering my speech) I have been able to crack a few lousy jokes which a few months ago would’ve been unheard of. The formatting of this paragraph I’m typing out is probably going to be extremely confusing to understand due to me jumping from one point to another but for some reason it’s the only way I can function cognition wise for right now so please tolerate it. Another thing I noticed that is super weird and frustrating is that my mind struggles to comprehend now that the world we live in is a 3D place that has stuff going on it and so many different places, right now my brain only seems to view the world as an encapsulated 2d plane(not to be confused with depth perception issues) this feels like an anxiety, but this can also be paired with hearing distortion/vision distortion, my hearing has constantly fluctuated throughout withdrawl so far, sometimes things sound muffled and distorted, and at other times things sound beyond realistic and like 3D like they are popping out at you, this is an extremely frustrating symptom/ and a scary one. Another symptom is some sort of emotional expressive aphasia, there are/were points of this withdrawl that made me view people’s facial features as distorted, and warped. For a long while everyone seemed to have dull expressionless faces and it seemed to be something out of the twilight zone. But anyways, the symptoms are improving, way too slowly for my liking but it’s better than seeing no progress at all. The cognition is something that I would love to gain back because the world is so hard to navigate when you feel beyond stupid half of the time, and cannot comprehend how to take a nut off a bolt. But all in all, I’m still here clinging on, for what reason I have yet to know, maybe out of spite of the way I have felt the past few years, or maybe because I know that low moments in life are merely temporary. Thank you to whoever was bored enough to read this little passage.

[Altostrata]

A little bit of improvement is going in the right direction. Hang in there.

 

Many people find fish oil and magnesium supplements helpful, see

 

https://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/

 

https://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

You might try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you.

[username001]

Quick question. Ever since getting on/off antidepressants I have been struggling with dry mouth, it has caused me to gain 5 cavities in the amount of time I was on the antidepressants I never had this many at this kind of of rate. I am just curious as to whether or not the dry mouth will go away on its own and my saliva production will return back to normal. If anyone has any experience with this issue I would greatly appreciate some advice. 

[Gridley]

@username001

 

Dry mouth is a common withdrawal symptom.  I'm sorry you're having this problem. It's been our experience that withdrawal symptoms eventually go away, but there's no way to predict how long it will take.  This link about withdrawal dry mouth may give you some insight.

Saliva problems: dry mouth / xerostomia or increased ...

[username001]

I don’t know how much longer I can put up with these cognitive symptoms, I can’t think for crap anymore, I can’t understand sentences, I can’t articulate sentences and I can barely speak anymore, I don’t understand speech it is so confusing and I hate it so much it is terrifying and I am hanging on the edge, everything I knew has changed and i don’t know what to do about it, I just want my brain back, I feel so stupid, too stupid to operate in the world 

[siderale]

Hello, Connor, I do not have any advice regarding what to do or if you want to reinstate, but I just want to send you strength, from a fellow young adult that took escitalopram/lexapro. I had a similar phase with horrible brain fog, literally feeling like my brain is altered by some thick sludge everywhere, although it did not last long. I really feel for you and I send you all the strength I can. I can only assure you that we will heal from this, even though it is tiring to hear "be patient", you will get your brain functions back. I am crossing fingers that you feel a bit better soon. Hang in there.

[username001]

@sideralei truly thank you for your kindness and empathy, we will heal from this, we will come out battle hardened and better than before

[username001]

Hi I just wanted to ask  about an issue that has been bothering me lately, I’ve been struggling to hear conversations and people talking at work, it just sounds like jibberish, I don’t know if this is hearing loss or an auditory processing difficulty but I never experienced this until medication/withdrawl 

, will this resolve or am I doomed to wearing  hearing aids at 19 years old? 

[siderale]

I was thinking about you and wondering how you were doing!

10 minutes ago, username001 said:

I’ve been struggling to hear conversations and people talking at work, it just sounds like jibberish, I don’t know if this is hearing loss or an auditory processing difficulty

In withdrawal I experienced exactly this!! I would ask for people, especially my parents since I live with them, to repeat everything... And since for me it got better when brain fog lifted (I still have some though) I would tend to believe it is the latter. Brain fog is crazy strong.

I would say maybe try to listen to music at low volume (with earbuds or on speakers and moving away from those), tracks that you already know, and pay attention to how you perceive the lyrics or the different instruments. Though maybe this would already be overwhelming. But I would tend to believe for now it is not hearing loss per se. I hope this gets better soon.

[username001]

 

20 minutes ago, siderale said:

I was thinking about you and wondering how you were doing!

In withdrawal I experienced exactly this!! I would ask for people, especially my parents since I live with them, to repeat everything... And since for me it got better when brain fog lifted (I still have some though) I would tend to believe it is the latter. Brain fog is crazy strong.

I would say maybe try to listen to music at low volume (with earbuds or on speakers and moving away from those), tracks that you already know, and pay attention to how you perceive the lyrics or the different instruments. Though maybe this would already be overwhelming. But I would tend to believe for now it is not hearing loss per se. I hope this gets better soon.

Thank you that makes me happy to hear! That’s good that the majority of it resolved! I like to make music and listen to music a lot and when I am mixing the music with headphones it can get loud sometimes but I always try to keep it on a super low volume, I am able to pick out small little flaws in the mixes and music and I am able to pick up on a lot of the instruments and processes used to create the music, so in that aspect my hearing is fine for the most part, it’s just when there’s a lot going on my brain struggles to pick out words and make sense of them in a conversation. I did this online hearing test where you listen to several different noisy situations and in the background there is someone saying a few lines of dialogue and you have to pick the right information said, and I struggled on those badly. I’m praying that it’s merely withdrawl because I don’t want my hearing to go to crap, I am trying to pursue music haha. I read that another user on the site that goes under the name aurorax struggled with hearing difficulties her first 12 months off, she stated that she couldn’t hear certain sounds and at times different noises sounded like they were muffled like they were enclosed in a glass jar. Tinnitus is another big issue rn and I’ve seen that it should resolve as well. I guess withdrawl is just nothing but a test of patience and faith. All in all thank you for checking in on me, and suggesting some great recommendations, I truly appreciate it. I’m not sure whether or not ur still going through withdrawl or not but I hope that it gets better for you as well. Please feel free to message me anytime. Thank you  

[username001]

Hi everyone hope everyone’s doing a little bit better than yesterday! Things are improving for me, I’m 6 months and 2 days off the medications. A lot of stuff has improved, but I still struggle with a few things and I know I’m pretty early in withdrawl.

things I still struggle with.

 

Auditory processing- (I struggle to determine what people mean when they say things I get confused on whether it is a question command or a joke etc, also I have struggle sometimes picking up on people’s tones, most of the time everyone sounds monotone but I have had windows where things return to normalcy. 

Memory Problems-(these problems suck, I can’t remember what I read 2 seconds ago, and I forget what i am doing frequently, there is no planning ahead really it’s just living in the moment.)

 
imagination/creativity-(these are both pretty bad, I used to be super creative and would constantly daydream and imagine very vivid things, now that’s gone but sometimes returns for a few moments)

 

comprehension/brain fog-( I have trouble doing tasks such as filling out paperwork, typing out passages like this, understanding passages like this, just a general overall brain fog, I also struggle to find words to type.

 

reading issues-( I struggle to read most of the time, it’s like my Brain can’t connect more than three words in a sentence and gets lost by the end of the sentence, also words constantly look wrong, and proper grammar looks wrong to me, also capitalization looks weird sometimes.)

 

vision issues-(I have a ton of eye floaters now, visual snow, after images, and bright light imprints, also depth Perception issues, i can’t seem to view pictures correctly, I will view part of the ground as a ceiling, it’s like my Brain can’t accurately sort those things out.). 
 

muscle twitching 

 

fluctuating taste

 

POTS Like symptoms.

 

fluctuating mental states

- sad, mad, depressed, anxious, very dull happiness, hope, despair.

 

 

I know I still have a crap ton of symptoms but I guess I still am still pretty early into withdrawl.

 

I’m praying that all of these will resolve because I am 19 and wanna live my freaking life lol, but oh well. Thanks! 

 

[username001]

forgot to mention what has improved LOL

 

1. I can smell again, for the whole time on medications I never really noticed that my sense of smell was gone, I couldn’t smell food cooking, my moms perfume, cow manure, freshly cut grass, pond algae etc. these things are the things that helped make home feel like home and without them the world felt so off, it still does but with smell back things are a little bit brighter. Now my smells not back to 100% but I’ll take 50% over nothing!!!!

 

2.My taste is improving, like smell there were and are points where my taste is diminished and nonexistent, but my taste is slowly returning back to normal.

 

3.I can dream on occasion when I sleep, on antidepressants dreams were non existent and I never felt like I was getting a refreshing sleep, I am slowly starting to get refreshing sleep.
 

4. Dull head pressure has greatly diminished, i still get it every so often but no as annoying and severe as I did when I first got off meds.

 

5.Colors are more vivid, life appears sharper and more realistic, I can see the clouds move again, I can notice sunsets and shadows and light shining in the house now. While on the medication it never really occurred to me that I wasn’t able to pick up on the above listed things it’s like my mind completely tuned them out and didn’t care enough to notice. Colors were very desaturated on meds, and everything looked incredibly smoothed over and blurred. And with the lighting variations it’s like on the meds everything was just incredibly flat and everything was the same there was no dimmed lighting or light casted on the floors from the sun peering in, my brain couldn’t perceive that. My brain only registered daytime and night time, no morning, afternoon, evening, with lighting fluctuations as the sun ducks away, it was binary, light and dark. 
 

6.I can get chills from music again, I always have been into music and I always got chills whenever I heard the meaningful lyrics and dark wordplay that a song possesses, or certain pretty melodies or bridges interludes etc, but on meds my love for music diminished greatly, and now that’s slowly coming back and the chills are a huge indicator that something up there’s changing.

 

7.derealization has lessened greatly.

 

8. I can feel some stuff again, emotion wise. I can cry on a rare occasion which is better than nothing. I feel a little optimistic at times but this is always short lived and rare. THERE WAS ONE DAY! ONE DAY WHERE I WAS SCREAMING SONG LYRICS OUT THE WINDOW FEELING LIKE I WAS HIGH ON LIFE, like most kids my age feel, but that was such a rare and new and beautiful feeling that i haven’t felt in quite a while. Most of the time it’s just a very dulled anger because I am not able to express myself well and it causes me great frustration and leaves me with mental confusion and turmoil. 

 

ill type a few little excerpts that I wrote when I kept a journal during the first two or three months off meds.

 

here we go

 

”Well usually when a doctor prescribes  medication it helps you. So why question medicine that is supposed to pull you out of a dark place mentally. Well **** I kinda wish I didn’t adopt that mindset. I’m letting this experience serve as a major ****ing lesson in my life. A lesson that will teach me to weary of medications. A lesson to be grateful for clarity. To not be pessimistic towards so many things. To really appreciate the meaningful things such as friends, family, aspirations, hobbies, passions and love. Because I’ll tell you what. Where I am currently with my mental status is no ****ing fun. I feel like I’ve been stripped of everything that makes me, me, and it has been thrown in the trash. All my joys and passions gone, left with an empty hole in my chest filled with frustration and apathy. My cognition feels equivalent to a rock, my thoughts seem to dissapear as soon as I can gather them. There is no coherency, just anger and space. I have lost emotion, but slowly I am regaining it. I think I felt a little desire for love today. But windows and waves shall haunt me until enough time has passed. But for now I must carry on.” 
 

“certain days it feels as I am sucked into an alternate reality with the feelings of derealization flaring up and abducting me from my world. It is incredibly frustrating when you question your own home and surroundings. Knowing better, knowing that nothing has ever changed but your mind is convinced otherwise.
 

in hindsight I kinda sound like a pretentious dbag trying to sound all poetic and mysterious, but yeah that’s apparently how I felt at the time. I feel 10x better now than I did at that time, which is amazing, and I owe it all to this website for inspiring me to keep pushing on, I still have so many symptoms to deal with but it feels a little hopeful now, and I don’t think I will be dealing with these issues for life.

 

Thanks for reading, I’m still in withdrawl and I’m still going through the motions, it’s not over but it’s not hopeless. Hang in there u poor beautiful souls! 

[siderale]

Hello there! I'm very glad to read you finally see some improvements. It's slow but you are healing.

 

The vision problems and brain fog are very common from what I see on this forum. They will come back to you, slowly, maybe so slowly that you don't even notice improvements.
At one point I also struggled a lot with imagination although I used to draw and write a lot, it was like losing a part of myself. It comes back in "longer" windows now. I am sure your moments where it comes back will become longer bit by bit. It's very exhausting to lose your creative outlets/hobbies, even something as basic as imagination, but it will come back to you as you heal.

 

Both you and I are quite young in here. And success stories prove us that no matter the age or time on medication, we can heal. You'll live your life because healing is on its way. It's slow and frustrating but every day is a step closer.

 

It also seems like your emotions and perceptions are really improving as you stated. This is very encouraging, enjoy all of those elated moments as much as you can!! If withdrawal taught me one thing, it's to not be ashamed to marvel upon seeing a pretty colour in the sky or loving the feeling of a fresh breeze on my face. Makes you appreciate the most mundane yet most important things!

 

Keep it up, you'll get there!

[username001]

Today’s not the best. My most frustrating symptoms are the inability to form sentences/speak, hear things correctly(my brain makes certain noises that aren’t supposed to be loud louder than others, it’s like my Brain can’t filter out the right appropriate volumes for things, confusion, memory problems, lack of awareness of surroundings, depth perception in pictures. It’s incredibly frustrating and it feels like it will never ever resolve. What did I do to deserve this? 6.5 months off and no end. Nothing makes sense anymore, I’m dumbed down to everything 

[username001]

Hi guys. Wow. Things are weird. I am really approaching my old self again. This is honestly terrifying, it feels like I was on some bad drug trip for 2 years. Is this normally how it goes? It just seems so fake what I’ve been through and seems so scary awakening to reality. For those who have made it to the other side how have you coped with this?

[Colonial]

On 8/7/2021 at 8:58 PM, username001 said:

My most frustrating symptoms are the inability to form sentences/speak, hear things correctly(my brain makes certain noises that aren’t supposed to be loud louder than others, it’s like my Brain can’t filter out the right appropriate volumes for things, confusion, memory problems, lack of awareness of surroundings, depth perception in pictures. It’s incredibly frustrating and it feels like it will never ever resolve.

 

I experienced all of those as well.

I couldn't walk because if I but my right leg out it felt like by left leg was moving.

and i couldnt tell which body part was moving with my arms either.

I could hear things but it seems like it was in my brain not coming in through my ears.

It was like an autistic person who couldnt process incoming stimuli and I would have to sit in the dark with no noise.

Not be able to breath, swallow, urinate, wake up choking uncontrollably until I would vomit.

 

Ah, but you and Me?

we  pulled through..🙂

 

 

 

Edited September 2, 2021 by Colonial

[siderale]

Hey there, I am super happy to read that you finally feel like you are nearing your "old self" again. I wouldn't be able to give you my experience after long withdrawal but I reckon you could go ask such a question in someone's "success story" thread, everyone has a different path but reading you I am sure that other people might have felt too weird upon healing. You have been through it for long, with terrible symptoms, even recovery can appear daunting after all this time.

I hope your symptoms improve more and more and that you can enjoy the relief. Keep it up!!

[Heinz1903]

@username001 i know exactly how it feels, i struggle with it for a long while. Like reality feels fake,  that you are just a puppet only reacting to everything with out thinking. Everything feels so strange, far way. it's the worst symptoms and the one that stays the longest.

 

All these symptoms will pass, especially the early ones. i'm now 2 months clean and the strange feel about reality and fake feeling still exists. I think it has to do with your brain protecting itself from information overload. Slowly it improves, with every panic attack,brainfog,DP & DA because of information overload your brain will become more resistant for to much information.

 

Soon you will be your old self.

 

I should also recommend one thing because you still are in earlier stages of recovery.

AVOID CAFFEINE, OR STRANGE SUPPLEMENTS.

also eat very healthy and it will make everything easier

 

[username001]

Hi all, I just hit 8 months off like two days ago. Just wanted to check in and document some things. I’ve been feeling lots of random emotion lately, lots of nostalgia, and I’ve been crying a lot. I’ve also felt a sense of longing for the past and I miss my friends. I’ve been incredibly isolated during this experience and i haven’t really talked to many people about withdrawal. I still have like a dread/apathy feeling 98% of the time that just makes it hard for me to enjoy anything. I get occasional sparks of enjoyment but they are super rare. My brain fog has yet to let up, I’m still confused by a lot of things and my memory is still pretty terrible. Ive been doing stroke rehabilitation exercises recently to see if I can help speed up the healing of my problems but I doubt it will help much. Time has really been the only thing that has made a difference in this whole process. I still have visual snow, after images and a whole crap ton of eye floaters. It makes me sad but I guess things could be a lot worse, there are people who are blind that wish they could have my minor eye problems. So I need to be grateful in that aspect. I turn 20 at midnight, and it doesn’t even feel like my birthday. Normally I would be excited but these antidepressants have screwed so many things about me up. I can’t wait until I make it to the other side of this. I just wish I never had to deal with this in the first place, I’m wasting a lot of time and it constantly eats away at me. These antidepressants have stripped me from a lot of things that defined who I was as a person, and it really frustrates me that my creativity is nonexistent right now. I used to love to express my emotions through art but my minds like a blank slate rn and my mental visualization sucks badly. I’m praying that a majority of these issues go away by the one year mark. I just wanna be able to watch tv again and enjoy it. Or go for a drive and blare some music. The small things really mean the world when you lose them. Oh well, I guess I’ll keep trudging through my personal apocalypse. 

[siderale]

5 hours ago, username001 said:

I just wish I never had to deal with this in the first place, I’m wasting a lot of time and it constantly eats away at me.

I experienced very similar emotions. Definitely was (still am) grieving the time "lost" due to withdrawal. I got linked this topic where some people share similar feelings as well. However I really think that once healed and able to look back at withdrawal, we'll enjoy even more what we have and our life, if it makes sense. I'm not someone who goes "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" because WD is just a horrible experience no one should have to go through, I'd rather focus on what awaits after it.

 

5 hours ago, username001 said:

It makes me sad but I guess things could be a lot worse, there are people who are blind that wish they could have my minor eye problems. So I need to be grateful in that aspect

It is true, however I firmly believe it's completely alright to be extremely upset by your symptoms even if they aren't hundred-percent debilitating. I've seen on these forums that the one year mark usually is correlated with notable improvement compared to the start.

 

Hang on to what improves no matter how slow. People recover from withdrawal, no matter age or experience, time does its thing. I know it's tiring, but you're slowly getting there, one day is one day closer. Sending support from a fellow young person in WD !!

[Colonial]

Yes, I had these in some form and other neurological processing issues, as if I was becoming autistic.  For me it was worse under fluorescent lights since they turn on and off a hundred times a second, and too much incoming stimulation.

 

I would have to withdraw to a room, turn off all the sound, lights, incoming stimuli my brain would have to process and rest for a few hours.  If your trying to do too much all day long and processing too much information, sights sounds smells, learning new material, too much time on the computer (lighting) those symptoms will pop up.  

 

Your brain and neurological system needs rest to heal, you need to limit the incoming stimulus.  Yes, it eventually resolved almost completely within a year. I still get some symptoms in Autumn every year but their not as bad.  I know to withdrawal from conversations and tv, taking, internet, trying to read, process info, and just rest.

[username001]

@sideralei hope you are doing well, thank you for your kindness. 

[username001]

@Colonialthank you very much

[username001]

Hi everyone, I just hit 9 months off, I am getting better. Cognition is still horrible though, all of my previous knowledge/intuition/creativity is still nowhere to be found. I still struggle badly with reading and comprehension. My brain doesn’t piece together sentences accurately, it will read the second or third word as the beginning of the sentence and then I will read the first and last words. It’s not fluent it’s very choppy reading. Also I still struggle with a blank mind, I’m hoping that it resolved by the 1 year mark. My anhedonia is going away, I’ve been having lots of crying spells and mood swings. I just ordered a guitar to learn how to play and I feel excitement towards that. I still get muscle twitches and headaches. My taste still fluctuates. Memory still sucks. Still feel fake. Vision symptoms are still annoying. The clouds look weird still like they are too gray or something. Hearing is slowly getting better, it’s mainly comprehension of speech I struggle with, I can’t tell what people say at times. All of this is so horrific. But I suspect that by a year I should be 70% or more healed.  2 years I should be 100%  I just truly pray and hope that my cognition returns

[holli]

hi connor! i’ve just read through your thread and i can relate to a lot of the vision and processing issues you describe. i’m really happy to hear they’re improving! im also a fellow young person navigating this medication/withdrawal journey. it’s nice to see people in my age range improving, since this is the time of our life that we should be enjoying it and exploring life to the fullest. i really hope you continue to get better and see more improvements!!

 

also very cool to see you’re starting to learn guitar! i used to play guitar in my early teens, it’s a beautiful instrument and im sure it’ll help distract and retrain your brain as you learn how to play it and memorise chords  

[username001]

@hollithank you!