Greatful: Is this withdrawal or too many med changes at once?

[Kat66]

Hey @Greatful sounds like you’re going through a rough few days. How are you today? It’s good your sense of humour’s still there though! 

[Greatful]

@Kat66

Seriously, how can you go through so many changes it short periods of time.  Feeling depressed, negative, jealousy, then anger, slightly high, cocky, goofy, then angry again.  I guess we should, say don't fight it , just hand on for the ride. I mean it can really scare and freak you out if you let it.  Just don't get stuck in the depression, and panic, paranoia.  Those can just keep moving on, in fact they don't ever need to show up again.   But we know that will never happen, they like to hang around the longest😖

Feeling a little better today, I guess I need to learn how to enjoy it while it lasts.😊

 

[Mia1]

On 10/6/2021 at 5:36 PM, Greatful said:

I think I will try your idea, even when I feel the worst, come up with let's say, 3 things that are good in my life.  This on top of my daily gratitude  journaling. 

It’s fantastic you’re already doing a gratitude journal, I think it’s such a great way to retrain the brain. What I do now is specifically for whatever w/d I’m in. So I think of everything to be grateful for because of the symptoms of w/d. For example today I was grateful that I’m learning not to be hard on myself when I don’t sleep well, that I’m so much less reactive and that my patience is growing.

 

My thought behind this is that if you can find things about the experience you are grateful for you stop seeing it as this horrible thing that must be endured and gotten over ASAP. I believe once you can be truly grateful for anything happening in your life you can free yourself from the prison of the mind. You can find peace in any situation.

 

But that’s just my thinking, whatever way you want to do it is the perfect way for you. We are all guided by inner wisdom. You’re doing an incredible job @Grateful keep it up, it’s SO inspiring 💖

[Cheeky]

Hey @Greatful,

how have you been?

[rubywednesday]

Hi @Greatful, just wondering how your weekend went?

[Kat66]

On 10/8/2021 at 4:53 PM, Greatful said:

@Kat66

Seriously, how can you go through so many changes it short periods of time.  Feeling depressed, negative, jealousy, then anger, slightly high, cocky, goofy, then angry again.  I guess we should, say don't fight it , just hand on for the ride. I mean it can really scare and freak you out if you let it.  Just don't get stuck in the depression, and panic, paranoia.  Those can just keep moving on, in fact they don't ever need to show up again.   But we know that will never happen, they like to hang around the longest😖

Feeling a little better today, I guess I need to learn how to enjoy it while it lasts.😊

 

@Greatful Its exhausting - I liken it to trying to walk in shoes with balls on the soles on glass which is constantly moving. You're just not in control of your brain/emotions in any way shape or form. Might as well just shrug your shoulders and strap yourself in for the ride!! Really glad you're feeling a bit better - mind you that was Friday, what about today?

 

[Greatful]

@Kat66 @rubywednesday

Well I guess the wild mood changes were a warning that bigger things were to come and boy did they come.  Saturday the wave started.  My brain went into over drive and the irrational thoughts abounded, then what they call the wd flu started, horrible nausea, chills, weakness, pretty much zero brain functioning right, the crushing, tingling, focusing, talking, thinking all a mess low mood.  It was like having the flu, bad hang over, and WD at the same time.  Really how do we make it through this maze of disfunction‼️   I resorted to spending 75% of my time laying on the couch Sunday evening through Monday when it was bed time watching Chopped and Flee Market flip.  I could not move  to do much else..  This morning I felt very out of it.  Slow thinking, half in reality, slowly getting better.  I thought of what Mia1 said. Think of this as a adventure.

So I am going to try that approach,  there is no other way to find any sanity in what is going on with me.  My distorted thoughts that seem so real, I have to count on my husband who has a brain that works that most of my thoughts and ruminating are so far morphed and  wrong, and he tells me those thoughts are from a broken brain.  The filter is not working right.  My brain that is a half there, literally feels half connected, and everything else we experience in wd is so hard to comprehended in any rational sense.  

 

I got this message from another thread by Colonial

I'm the self appointed member who reminds everyone in the northern hemisphere that in Autumn your brain begins shutting down to hibernate for the winter, so it's making additional chemical changes your not even thinking about right now.  (Hence some people get seasonal affective disorder).

Yeah, this helps me accept the mood change I felt in late August. My therapist talked about some kind of light.  I will ask my physic  for a prescription  for it.  Does anyone use one for the winter blues.... ?

 

I have a question for anyone.....Do you feel like you are half a human being.  I go out and wonder if people can tell that I am half there? When it is really bad, my head wobbles, I squint to try and focus, I blink a lot trying to clear my mind to think a thought all the way through, my face feels distorted like when you look in a funny mirror at a carnival,  I am sure that I look like someone who is way over drugged.  Hubby claim no I look okay.  Isn't he sweet.❤️

 

Have a great day❤️

[siderale]

6 hours ago, Greatful said:

I have a question for anyone.....Do you feel like you are half a human being.  I go out and wonder if people can tell that I am half there? When it is really bad, my head wobbles, I squint to try and focus, I blink a lot trying to clear my mind to think a thought all the way through, my face feels distorted like when you look in a funny mirror at a carnival,  I am sure that I look like someone who is way over drugged.  Hubby claim no I look okay.  Isn't he sweet.❤️

 

Oh Greatful, I can so relate to this specifically!! You worded it so well. I feel exactly like this when in a wave, whether I'm in public or in the calm of my room... I think it is DP/DR.

And I also think that your hubby is right.  My friends at university tell me I look ok/normal, just a bit tired even if inside I feel so unsteady, convinced I look "weird" or off somehow.

So, for you... I'm sure it's the proof you're doing a great job. Hang in there, you'll feel so much steadier soon!!

[Greatful]

@siderale

Thanks for reassuring this happens to you too.  And yes I feel like this at home to but I don't have to worry  if other people can see the contorted brain and face HA HA.  

 

You changed you avatar.  I was thinking of putting up a picture of my furry buddy that hardly leaves my side, my dog.

 

I am so proud you are out there back at school and getting doing okay. Are you having any cognitive issues?   

 

There is hope for the rest of us.  We are all healing one day at a time.❤️  

[Mia1]

23 hours ago, Greatful said:

.  I thought of what Mia1 said. Think of this as a adventure.

So I am going to try that approach,  there is no other way to find any sanity in what is going on with me.

This is fantastic @Greatful!! If you can’t change the experience then change the way you perceive it. If you keep viewing it this way it gets easier. It’s like creating a habit though, it needs consistency and repetition. Every day before I get out of bed I think okay what adventure is in store for me? And every day really is like an adventure now!!

23 hours ago, Greatful said:

The filter is not working right

And this is it in a nutshell. There’s nothing wrong with us, we just have to heal. 

 

How are you doing today?

[Kat66]

On 10/12/2021 at 4:48 PM, Greatful said:

@Kat66 @rubywednesday

Well I guess the wild mood changes were a warning that bigger things were to come and boy did they come.  Saturday the wave started.  My brain went into over drive and the irrational thoughts abounded, then what they call the wd flu started, horrible nausea, chills, weakness, pretty much zero brain functioning right, the crushing, tingling, focusing, talking, thinking all a mess low mood.  It was like having the flu, bad hang over, and WD at the same time.  Really how do we make it through this maze of disfunction‼️   I resorted to spending 75% of my time laying on the couch Sunday evening through Monday when it was bed time watching Chopped and Flee Market flip.  I could not move  to do much else..  This morning I felt very out of it.  Slow thinking, half in reality, slowly getting better.  I thought of what Mia1 said. Think of this as a adventure.

So I am going to try that approach,  there is no other way to find any sanity in what is going on with me.  My distorted thoughts that seem so real, I have to count on my husband who has a brain that works that most of my thoughts and ruminating are so far morphed and  wrong, and he tells me those thoughts are from a broken brain.  The filter is not working right.  My brain that is a half there, literally feels half connected, and everything else we experience in wd is so hard to comprehended in any rational sense.  

 

Totally relating to this today. Just not functioning, well, going through the motions. Half there, half...somewhere else.

 

On 10/12/2021 at 4:48 PM, Greatful said:

I have a question for anyone.....Do you feel like you are half a human being. 

 

Yep! Absof*ckinglutely.

xx

[rubywednesday]

@Greatful, sorry I never managed to get back to yesterday, been struggling a wee bit myself.  I can't imagine how difficult things are for you, it must be a nightmare but so glad you're husband is helping you.  I'm just beginning this road to recovery so can't offer anything in the way of good advice but you've got quite a few good people on your side, Mia especially gives great advice/support.  Thinking of you, hope today has been a better day and that you will heal in time.

 

Ruby x

[rubywednesday]

@Greatful just checking in to see how you are?

 

Ruby x

[Cheeky]

@Greatful just won’t to see how your doing? 

[Greatful]

@Cheeky  @rubywednesday

You are a wonderful caring people, Thank you for being there for me.❤️  I have smile, I am writing on your thread and here you are stopping by my thread.

I am doing better today.  I had a really good visit with Molly my therapist.  She is being very supportive in all areas.  Trying to do personal healing and go through WD at the same time is going to take patience and time.

All I can say is thank goodness for the small breaks we get when we are in the middle of this nightmare.

 

So I would like to ask the medical field if they can explain to me:  They say it takes the meds 2 to 12 weeks to reach their point of helping you.  So why in the world does it take months and months for your brain to go back to pre-drugs.   The drugs must be very powerful to have that quick of an affect.  Oh, what you don't know, but you still want to hand them out like candy..🥴

 

 

 

 

 

 

[rubywednesday]

@Greatful, lovely to hear you're having a better day, so am I thankfully.  So glad to hear your therapist is helping you too.  

 

Yeah those quacks and the pharmaceutical industry have so much to answer for, apparently the b'stards that make the crap have no idea how to get people off it, what chance do we stand.  It's all about money - we should all sue the pants of them then they might think twice about doing proper drug trials before they force feed us this crap!   Rant over lol.

 

Wishing you a calmer and pleasant day tomorrow.

 

Ruby x

 

 

[Cheeky]

5 hours ago, Greatful said:

@Cheeky  @rubywednesday

You are a wonderful caring people, Thank you for being there for me.❤️  I have smile, I am writing on your thread and here you are stopping by my thread.

I am doing better today.  I had a really good visit with Molly my therapist.  She is being very supportive in all areas.  Trying to do personal healing and go through WD at the same time is going to take patience and time.

All I can say is thank goodness for the small breaks we get when we are in the middle of this nightmare.

 

So I would like to ask the medical field if they can explain to me:  They say it takes the meds 2 to 12 weeks to reach their point of helping you.  So why in the world does it take months and months for your brain to go back to pre-drugs.   The drugs must be very powerful to have that quick of an affect.  Oh, what you don't know, but you still want to hand them out like candy..🥴

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m so happy your getting relief, it really helps when you feel better it gives you strength when in a wave. This is such a rollarcoster. 

[Kat66]

On 10/14/2021 at 10:13 PM, Greatful said:

I am doing better today.  I had a really good visit with Molly my therapist.  She is being very supportive in all areas.  Trying to do personal healing and go through WD at the same time is going to take patience and time.

All I can say is thank goodness for the small breaks we get when we are in the middle of this nightmare.

Hi @Greatful, just checking in to see you're doing, and it seems you're having a better time of it at the moment - so pleased for you!

 

On 10/14/2021 at 10:13 PM, Greatful said:

They say it takes the meds 2 to 12 weeks to reach their point of helping you.  So why in the world does it take months and months for your brain to go back to pre-drugs. 

Such a GOOD question!! I won't hold my breath for an answer though xx

[rubywednesday]

@Greatful just checking in, hope all is ok.

 

Ruby x

[Cheeky]

Hey lovely lady,

I hope you still feeling okay , sending healing ❤️‍🩹 vibes

[Greatful]

@Cheeky @rubywednesday

Up and down like a roller-coaster.  Do either one of you have such mood swings.  Yesterday morning I was feeling okay, thought about actually calling a friend.  Well over stimulated myself on SA, turned angry,  up anxiety,  blah blah, then later in the day became really tearful evening went okay, a little stimulated.  Woke up this morning, noise sensitivity up , depression up, blah blah.  I can feel the changes as they come on sometimes.  How can you feel almost normal and a few hours later your a mess.   Some days I forget about weak arm muscles then the next day I they feel so heavy.  If there is one thing constant is the moods move through with in hours and I feel like I am healing in spite of the craziness.  Just not fast enough😖  What ever is going on at the time feels so real.  Hubby reminds me this will pass.  I tell him it is so hard when you are in the middle of it.  I bet this sound familiar to you both right🥴

 

That's right we only have to get through the day, be kind to ourselves and do what feels right for the day......No pressure on ourselves.  

  

[Cheeky]

5 hours ago, Greatful said:

@Cheeky @rubywednesday

Up and down like a roller-coaster.  Do either one of you have such mood swings.  Yesterday morning I was feeling okay, thought about actually calling a friend.  Well over stimulated myself on SA, turned angry,  up anxiety,  blah blah, then later in the day became really tearful evening went okay, a little stimulated.  Woke up this morning, noise sensitivity up , depression up, blah blah.  I can feel the changes as they come on sometimes.  How can you feel almost normal and a few hours later your a mess.   Some days I forget about weak arm muscles then the next day I they feel so heavy.  If there is one thing constant is the moods move through with in hours and I feel like I am healing in spite of the craziness.  Just not fast enough😖  What ever is going on at the time feels so real.  Hubby reminds me this will pass.  I tell him it is so hard when you are in the middle of it.  I bet this sound familiar to you both right🥴

 

That's right we only have to get through the day, be kind to ourselves and do what feels right for the day......No pressure on ourselves.  

  

What you said is what’s happens to me , one minute your doing okay and the mood can change so drastically. Your words make me feel I’m 

not the only one. 

[Kat66]

On 10/19/2021 at 6:02 PM, Greatful said:

 Yesterday morning I was feeling okay, thought about actually calling a friend. 

  

  

I find these moments weird. The feeling of being able to do something normally functioning people do is so unfamiliar. Much of life follows a rather dysfunctional pattern for us in WD and in depression etc these brief windows of normality are so odd. When this happens im constantly on guard waiting to switch back to dysfunctional! 

[Cheeky]

49 minutes ago, Kat66 said:

I find these moments weird. The feeling of being able to do something normally functioning people do is so unfamiliar. Much of life follows a rather dysfunctional pattern for us in WD and in depression etc these brief windows of normality are so odd. When this happens im constantly on guard waiting to switch back to dysfunctional! 

That so true , it feels weird when your suddenly back to normal or even if you laugh , you think there’s something wrong with you .

[Paquita]

On 10/19/2021 at 7:02 PM, Greatful said:

Up and down like a roller-coaster.  Do either one of you have such mood swings. 

All kinds of emotions, up and down. Crying spells etc. I recognize it.

Been reading you were/are in a bad wave.

Me too.

 

Hope it will get better soon. 💜

 

[Kat66]

6 hours ago, Cheeky said:

even if you laugh , you think there’s something wrong with you .

Totally...!

[Greatful]

@Paquita  Thanks for stopping by.  I have been thinking of you.  You are dealing with a loss in your family and WD.

How are you doing?❤️

Please know that we are all here for you.

 

[Greatful]

@Frogie  I have a quick question.  I have benzo WD and Lamictal WD both work on the Glutamate and Gaba,  I have been using L Theanine since last May, it  also on the glutamate.  It crosses the blood brain barrier.  Do you think it could be causing some issues and slowing my healing down. I am tired of the brain buzzing, tingling, squeezing, hurting. I am on the fence it is even helping me.  I have tapered down to about 75mg a day and wondering is I should just stop.

Thanks for your help.

[Frogie]

@Greatful

 

L Theanine could be causing WD symptoms. Especially the way you’ve described what’s going on. 
 

I wouldn’t just stop it suddenly or you could have more symptoms than you want (no one wants symptoms).

 

You might be able to do a steady, fast taper off of it and see if it helps. I would try decreasing 25% for a week and see how it goes. If that’s a bit too fast, try 25% every 2 weeks. 
 

I think being on a small amount you’re on (75 mg), you should do ok.

 

Keep me posted.😊

 

Take care,

 Frogie xx

[Cheeky]

Hey 👋🏼,

just wanted to check in on you ? Everything is the same for me windows , waves  and feeling like I may never be myself again . I don’t know anymore ………. Whatever over feeling like this. I hope @Frogie suggestions help you out. We will get through this somehow.

Huggs to you my friend  ❤️

[Greatful]

@Cheeky  I think we accidently cut about 2% from my Lex.  Hubby is changing the way he is weighing the drug.  He use to use the tray that came with the scale and I would pour it into yogurt each day, but is now trying to use   post -it notes and put it in capsules.  He gets 2 different weights, when he puts it on the paper it weighs one weight then pours it in to a capsule  and reweighs it weighs less.  So confusing.  I think I will get liquid.  That means another change, both in manufacture and then moving from tablet to liquid.  I hate this,  I wish I could throw it all in the garbage.  Every time there is a change I go into horrible obsessing for a several days.   

4 hours ago, Cheeky said:

feeling like I may never be myself again .

This is a constant battle,  go through a wave, feel like this is never ending, then you get a little break, you feel a little bit normal and think, okay things are improving then wham you wake up and say I don't feel good again who am I. To restless to chill out and to disconnected to do anything. I get little glimpses  of the old me, then poof back into the fog and discouragement.  If there is any positive I could feel better later today or tomorrow.  I hold on to the thought that I will get a break soon🥴

 

I feel you with me on this journey, so thank you for helping me feel not so alone❤️

[Mia1]

Just stopping by to offer my encouragement and support, you’re doing great!!💖

[Moonpie]

@Greatful I can so relate to all you're saying. Describes me perfectly right now. Makes it all very confusing.   This wasn't on our bucket list to be checked off but we will make it. You are doing great. Keep going. Do you have a Gemini scale? Mine has a button  you push and you place what you are going to weigh the med on  called tare.  . I always did mine in the tray and then I would  Just take the long side of the capsule and scoop it up in there until it was all gone. I make sure I got every little bit with my finger because those little bits add up more than you think.  You probably already know this but I was just checking to make sure since hes using something else to weigh on. ❤️

[Greatful]

@Moonpie

41 minutes ago, Moonpie said:

Do you have a Gemini scale?

I do have the Gemini scale.  He is trying to figure out a good way to use the capsules, incase he has to go out of town for work.  It is just strange that it will weigh 60mg when it is on the paper, but after he puts it into the capsule (pouring it off the paper) and reweighs it is weighs around 57mg.  It frustrates him because where does the 3mg go.  We are going to work with it using the 10g weight.  You are amazing, I would never be able to work the math out.  

Thanks for the helpful ideas.

 

How are you doing?❤️

[Cheeky]

11 hours ago, Greatful said:

@Cheeky  I think we accidently cut about 2% from my Lex.  Hubby is changing the way he is weighing the drug.  He use to use the tray that came with the scale and I would pour it into yogurt each day, but is now trying to use   post -it notes and put it in capsules.  He gets 2 different weights, when he puts it on the paper it weighs one weight then pours it in to a capsule  and reweighs it weighs less.  So confusing.  I think I will get liquid.  That means another change, both in manufacture and then moving from tablet to liquid.  I hate this,  I wish I could throw it all in the garbage.  Every time there is a change I go into horrible obsessing for a several days.   

This is a constant battle,  go through a wave, feel like this is never ending, then you get a little break, you feel a little bit normal and think, okay things are improving then wham you wake up and say I don't feel good again who am I. To restless to chill out and to disconnected to do anything. I get little glimpses  of the old me, then poof back into the fog and discouragement.  If there is any positive I could feel better later today or tomorrow.  I hold on to the thought that I will get a break soon🥴

 

I feel you with me on this journey, so thank you for helping me feel not so alone❤️

Hey @greatful your not alone lovely we will battle this out together. 
Your husband sound like a darling, your lucky to have him. I think we’re going to give our husband PSD after having to deal with our emotions. 
I don’t won’t to say too much to my family as I don’t want them to worry about me and definitely don’t won’t them to encourage me to see a doctor. My husbands okay but I feel like his such a good man he doesn’t deserve this. If I didn’t have to worry about the impact on my family it would be so much easier. I don’t know what I would do without you and this supportive people on this forum. Anyway blah blah blah, I sound like a broken record or maybe just a broken brain 🧠 

send me a message anytime I’m here with you in this ❤️

[Moonpie]

@Greatful I had the same issue. Do not reweigh.  Even the tiniest residue on the paper that is left makes a small differences.  If you weigh, put it the capsule and empty it, it will also be less because of the little bit coating the capsule.  It helps if you are doing a lot of weighing to periodically use the weights and recalibrate your scales. Even though I wanted it to be I realized this was not going to perfectly exact.  Go with your first reading and stick with that one.  I realized there were times I was .001 mcg either way and it didn't make a difference.  How sweet of him to do that.  I used to do mine up 2 weeks ahead and then if I had to hold I took them out, made more of that dose and put the others in a separate pill older with a piece of paper in the top to tell the weight. I do know that even the ceiling fan or any fan not pointing on the scale but making the slightest breeze in the room.  would mess with the weighing. Hope this helps.  How sweet of him to do this for you!  You are so blessed!❤️