Greatful: Is this withdrawal or too many med changes at once?

[Cheeky]

5 hours ago, Greatful said:

A little up date:

This is day 4 of my 10% cut from my Lexapro.  We my husband and I decided to try a bigger cut this time.  

1- we wanted to see how I could tolerate it

2- I had a gene site test done and I am a fast metabolizer of the lex and also have a geno type that make me have a increase risk of adverse affect from some ssris. 

 

I have had really bad brain sensations since I have started the Lex, in April of 2020, major brain disconnect, buzzing, crushing in on the top, vice grips, sore spots that move around my brain, tingling, numb feeling, burning spots,

I also had other side affects that were trouble some, nausea, increase in anxiety, increase in OCD, insomnia, I know there are more. I know some of these can be typical of WD so we just kept holding and waiting.

3- I did do 2 other small decrease  and noticed that the brain felt better but I was still having awful WD

4- that all being said this is a test run to see how things go. 

 

I am almost afraid to say  since this is just day 4

I feel the brain is clearer, my ocd is a little easier to control, the anxiety is down a little, my common sense thinking is a little better, the panic is more tolerable. I still have burning, and head sore spots, head pressure, mild headache but more tolerable so far.   

 

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE let this be a sign that my brain and body has been fighting the Lex the whole time.  Sadly I have to be prepared that I am wishful thinking and everything I have been going through (many more WD symptom then just the few I mentioned) is just from the trauma my brain went through in the last year, mainly last winter and spring. 

 

I am also working on blocking as much stress from my life as I can. This is going to be I will put me first. I am going to try and put 0 expectations on myself, that means depending how I feel, will determine if I socialize, be with people, how much I do  around the house.  The only goals for any given, day are going to be walk on the treadmill, meditate, make sure I eat, go to church on Sunday's, be kind to myself, do not beat myself up over any limitations WD puts on me.  I will try and encourage my self to do things, but my health  will come first.  Really what I think I am trying to say is to stop  putting  pressure  on myself to be more then I am/or can be at this time/day/month.  This just makes me feel like I am failing when I can't fulfill the self expectations.   I hope this doesn't sound cold or unfeeling.

 

A  friend I met on SA and has been there for me in everyway , trying to help me survive this.  Told me I could celebrate the holiday's in anyway I wanted, if that meant on the couch in my PJ's that was okay.  This is called self love....❤️

 

I do have to say I am lucky all our  children are adults,  5 are married and 1 is in collage, so I do not have to try and performs for them. 

I do hope all of you that have a young family's, to take care of yourself, please do the least amount, do not put pressure on yourself and do more than you can.❤️

 

We are are remarkable and will see brighter days ahead

Happy Holiday to all❤️

 

@greatful

you really are one wonderful lady. You have the right idea in being kind to yourself. Your going to make this I know you will and I hope the decrease in lex served you well. 

[Greatful]

@Cheeky  Thanks Cheeky,  Just know that I may talk a good talk, now we will have to see if I can walk the walk.🙄🥴   

I am holding my breath to see how this all goes.

 

[Sunnylight]

On 11/17/2021 at 6:20 PM, Greatful said:

am also working on blocking as much stress from my life as I can. This is going to be I will put me first. I am going to try and put 0 expectations on myself, that means depending how I feel, will determine if I socialize, be with people, how much I do  around the house.  The only goals for any given, day are going to be walk on the treadmill, meditate, make sure I eat, go to church on Sunday's, be kind to myself, do not beat myself up over any limitations WD puts on me.  I will try and encourage my self to do things, but my health  will come first.  Really what I think I am trying to say is to stop  putting  pressure  on myself to be more then I am/or can be at this time/day/month.  This just makes me feel like I am failing when I can't fulfill the self expectations.   I hope this doesn't sound cold or unfeeling.

That sounds so good @Greatful and so powerful! Not cold or unfeeling at all, exactly the opposite - what can be more important than your health - it shows wisdom and strength. Sending positive thoughts to you.

[Kat66]

How are you doing @Greatful? X

[Greatful]

@Kat66

I had a couple of rough days shortly after my last post.  I really had a disconnect I think last Sunday morning.......I had some D/R and or D/P and horrible brain panic,  (I think I was trigger by some of the stories about self harm/harming others I had read), anyway I could not stop the panic in my brain, I felt frantic and thought about stabbing myself over and over, like stabbing at the pain, take this, take that, then I had a thought about pushing and screaming at my son to get away from me. ( he was coming home form collage for Thanksgiving and I was really stressed about it)  Scared the heck out of me,  I was so worried," could I do something like that. could wd cause a total disconnect. It seemed so close to real.  It took me  a few hours to calm down enough to be more rational.  

 

The last few days thing are always changing, restless, inner akathisia,  brain disconnect, rapid breathing,  brain panic, shaking inside the body, low mood spirts of anger, dizzy, cold, warm, weak

 I have to be careful of how much I do, making supper can fatigue me so much, some days I can't even clean up.  I feel like I could be getting back to my WD normal but a little better then last summer.  Less out there feeling.  I feel the real me is getting closer.

 

Right now both my husband and I think that the cuts/less of the Lex is helping. 

 

I am taking more magn. bathes and I have a diffuser and lavender essential oil and let's not forget my weighted blanket I drag around my house to sit under/lay under.  If I am not on my feet, it is on me. 

 

One of the hardest for me is to stay positive.  I have always had self-esteem issues, neg self-worth, fear ( childhood issues) (I am getting better with this, therapy is helping a lot) so I am down on myself for not...being better.

The crazy thing is as I am going through this I am realizing that maybe I have a distorted idea/expectation of who I think I should be and what life is really like.  I guess it is kind of like when you wear rose colored glass and expect marriage is stared eyed all the time and when you are a child you envision when you are grown up things will be just so.  

 

To be lost for 58 years🥴

 

Edited November 25, 2021 by Greatful

[Sunnylight]

@Greatful I am so sorry to read that you are going through all this. It sounds horrible, and I am amazed that you are still coping and even are able to reflect and see things in a bigger perspective. English is not my native language so it is not always easy to really express myself like this. Guess that I just wanted to see hello, tell you I am thinking about you, and sending all positive energy to you ❤️

[Greatful]

@Sunnylight

Thank You so  much Sunny.  

I don't know how I can do this some days( like most on here)🙄  Hubby keeps reminding me on day at a time. (easy for him to say lol)  Sometimes I feel like I am trapped. Panic and wonder is there a way to feel better.  I find  reading stores  here on SA heIps me see that I am normal and other people are wading through the mud, trying to swim up steam, trying to get to the other end of this.  If they can do it, then I will try and keep going.  A big plus is seeing that people do get to the other side.

This is truly a experience that I am anxiously waiting to get over.  Please get better.🌞

But I have to say I am over all better then last summer.  It just takes so long, as you can read over and over on SA the fear of "this is me now"," the drugs ruined me', "I don't think I can live without the drugs" " maybe I am sick" thoughts are a constant battle.

Fear and uncertainty are hard to accept and be patient with.  

 

How are you doing Sunny?

[Kat66]

3 hours ago, Greatful said:

@Kat66

I had a couple of rough days shortly after my last post.  I really had a disconnect I think last Sunday morning.......I had some D/R and or D/P and horrible brain panic,  (I think I was trigger by some of the stories about self harm/harming others I had read), anyway I could not stop the panic in my brain, I felt frantic and thought about stabbing myself over and over, like stabbing at the pain, take this, take that, then I had a thought about pushing and screaming at my son to get away from me. ( he was coming home form collage for Thanksgiving and I was really stressed about it)  Scared the heck out of me,  I was so worried," could I do something like that. could wd cause a total disconnect. It seemed so close to real.  It took me  a few hours to calm down enough to be more rational.  

 

I am so sorry you've been having such a tough time. In the time I've known you on here this is the worst you've been I think. I can totally relate to the pushing away and screaming thing - I feel that towards my husband all the time if he gets too close. The frantic panic and your other symptoms sound awful.

 

 

3 hours ago, Greatful said:

 

 I have to be careful of how much I do, making supper can fatigue me so much, some days I can't even clean up.  I feel like I could be getting back to my WD normal but a little better then last summer.  Less out there feeling.  I feel the real me is getting closer.

 

I can so relate to this feeling of being knackered after doing 'very little'. When you say you feel like you could be getting back to your WD normal, does that mean a kind of equilibrium within WD where you're functioning as well as you can be?

 

 

3 hours ago, Greatful said:

my weighted blanket I drag around my house to sit under/lay under.  If I am not on my feet, it is on me. 

 

This sounds interesting - what does the weighted blanket do?

 

 

3 hours ago, Greatful said:

The crazy thing is as I am going through this I am realizing that maybe I have a distorted idea/expectation of who I think I should be and what life is really like.  I guess it is kind of like when you wear rose colored glass and expect marriage is stared eyed all the time and when you are a child you envision when you are grown up things will be just so.  

 

OMG this is me - and especially at the moment. I have an idea of what life 'should' feel like, but it's so far removed from that. My thinking is so distorted I have no clue what's real and what isn't. 

 

Big hug coming your way xxx

[Greatful]

@Kat66

4 hours ago, Kat66 said:

In the time I've known you on here this is the worst you've been I think.

Actually I am better then last summer, last summer I had way more D/R, scrambled brain, I guess I have pretty much the same things, but at a lesser degree. Starting to feel my grounded. 

I really am struggling with fatigue right now, I can't seem to do anything without feeling horrible, tired( not sleepy tired) weak and run out of breath easy.  I do remember going through stages were I feel like I am panting for breath before.  

 

I really recommend a weighted blanket. They are great for anxiety.   I think you could benefit from on with your restlessness.

 

These are the 2 I have one for the bed (king for our queen size bed) and one drag around with me. Bought on Amazon

http://YnM Weighted Blanket and Duvet Covers - Hot and Cold Duvet Cover Set (3 Pieces) - (Blue, 60''x80'' 15lbs), Suit for One Person(~140lb) Use on Queen/Ki

 

http://Weighted Blanket King Size 25 lbs 92X86 inch Weighted Blankets for Couples & Adults Queen Size Heavy Blanket for Deeper Sleep, Bamboo Weighted Blanket

 

4 hours ago, Kat66 said:

does that mean a kind of equilibrium within WD where you're functioning as well as you can be?

Yes you could say, I feel a little bit better then from  before the cut but certainly not healed. I still can't work but not deep into despair.  But you know that could change in the next 10 minutes.   

 

Thanks for the hug Kat.  Here is one back at you🤗

[Kat66]

18 hours ago, Greatful said:

Thanks for the hug Kat.  Here is one back at you🤗

Thank you! xx

PS...can you describe to me why you feel you can't work? The reason I ask is that I feel like I'm coming close to not coping and am worried I may have to give up work!

[Greatful]

A little up date

Not much energy, very fatigued, physically  weak and muscle weak

I am looking for a reason for (as we all do from time to time) what is causing my overly sever fatigue, low energy, and weakness.  I go through this normally but not at this extreme.  I can hardly stand and cook or do dish.  I haven't walked on my treadmill in days......This morning I felt mentally disconnected, felt wasted, almost like near blackout.

Well this all out started out slow over the last several days and is getting worse.

I took my blood pressure and it is 96/120  the diastolic is lower then normal for me.

These are the changes I have made in the last 2 weeks

1- 10% cut of Lex 14 days ago

2-I started taking Mag baths almost daily for several days

3-still taking  magnesium throughout the   day. 

4--I am using Lavender/coconut topically

5-I am using a diffuser with lavender oil

I am going to stop taking Mag baths( they were nice and helpful) in hopes that I will see some improvements.

 

Any idea's?

 

 

[Malon]

Hot baths can make my fatigue significantly worse. I have no idea but I know for me that it does not help to try to figure out what is causing it and ruminating about it because that has not helped me, probably make it worse.
It is better to just accept it how it is because it is how it is and to have faith that it can get better.

My fatigue got worse with the beginning winter and season change. Have to find a good compromise between resting and being active.

[Kat66]

54 minutes ago, Greatful said:

 

These are the changes I have made in the last 2 weeks

1- 10% cut of Lex 14 days ago

 

My gut reaction would be that this would be a factor, but hey I’m no expert. 
the other stuff you’re doing is to nurture yourself so I can’t see why that would have such an adverse effect. But again, what do I know, I’m new to this. Perhaps one of the veteran members would have a better idea. Sounds like you’re really struggling though. Fatigue is so debilitating! Xx

[Greatful]

@Malon @Kat66 Thank you for the reply.  I think I will stop the bath for right now.  I should say it is the systolic top # that is low for me.

Your right, this turns into a guessing game and we  want answers that might point us in the right direction to feel better. 

I also noticed a decrease in motivation and attitude in Mid August as the seasons where changing.    I couldn't stand be in the house in the summer, spent most of it on the front porch.  Pretty soon I started finding I didn't want to be outside anymore, even in the nice fall weather.  

 

I did force myself to walk slow on the treadmill for 35 minutes.  It helped with the anxiety and woke me up a little, but my poor sensitive brain was not so thrilled, have a more of a headache now.

 

Kat You asked about work.  Well one reason  with what I do, work in  a school kitchen,             fast paced, one my feet for several hours and twisting, lifting and bending, noise.  Being weak and dizzy and the brain not being able to processes fast when simulated and when I get over stimulated it tightens up, crushing pain on top, tingling, numb  at times are just a few reasons that I could not do my job at this time.

My therapist and physic doc agree.  Sometimes when I am in a session with Molly (therapist) my  brain starts to almost freeze up and I have a hard time talking, I get out of breath, hard to find words. Sometimes from over stimulation and sometimes just plain WD brain garbage. 

LOOPY DUPPY.

Edited November 27, 2021 by Greatful

[Erell]

Hello @Greatful,

 

Sorry to hear you are having a hard time, I do hope December will provide you some peace 🙏

 

Unfortunately, I don't think anyone can tell exactly what is causing your weakness.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not judging : I understand wayyyy too well the need to find answers and causes... and I'm often a very bad detective 😉

But when it comes to WD, so much factors can be at play, and so much is unknown in all these process, we often torture our minds by trying to pinpoint one cause to explain a symptom.

 

If I were you, I would stop the daily bath for a few days, just to see if anything changes.

 

There is also a chance that your body is simply reacting to the dose changes and needs time to rest and regulate.

 

Let us know how you're doing in the next few days ❤

 

Oh, and thank you for all the work you're doing on SA Greatful : I'm a huge admirer of your kindness and generosity.

Thank you for being such a ray of sunshine in our community 🙏☀️

And please, take care of you.

[Heath]

Greatful I just stopped by to encourage you ! I also feel the things you listed above. Rt now I’m in the not wanting to do anything spell also. No energy.
And then sometimes I have lots of energy and pro active. I am confident it will pass as also with you !

 

I am tapering slower than 10 %. Most of the time a good long several month hold clears things up for me. But it does make for a little longer taper . we are all different.  It is nice that we have options. 

I understand at work , sometimes I can’t answer a question and it takes me a while to do a task. Can’t think then overthink. Sometimes I can’t or don’t talk then sometimes I am a chatterbox. I hope they are understanding at your work.

It’s overwhelming to try to keep up with when and how these symptoms happen and I don’t anymore.  I just know while taking and changing doses of these ssris they happen. Don’t like it.
just want to let you know your not alone and it will pass! 
take care! 

[Mia1]

Hi @Greatful I wanted to stop by and say hi, how are you doing?

[Greatful]

@Mia1

I hit a big brain disconnect, emotional akathisia,  a little D/R D/P  hard to focus.  I know I have been here before and have come out the other side, but man scary.......Don't believe your thoughts I have to keep telling myself. Stay in the moment/minute and you will get through the day.  I have just enough rational brain trying to keep me focused.

 

Walked on the treadmill yesterday, tried to come on SA no way the brain would not cooperate.

So spent most of the day focused on my being quiet, listening to mediation music, on my tablet playing games and laying back on my recliner listening.  

As the saying goes I am half out to lunch🥴

 

How are things with you?

Did you get your other weighted blanket?

 

[Mia1]

33 minutes ago, Greatful said:

So spent most of the day focused on my being quiet, listening to mediation music, on my tablet playing games and laying back on my recliner listening.  

Yes, I find myself reaching more for quiet and rest these days as well. Keep resting and listening to your body.

35 minutes ago, Greatful said:

How are things with you?

Did you get your other weighted blanket?

I’m doing okay, increased akathisia but it’s manageable. I’m going to spend some time outside today to connect with nature. I get the 15 lb blanket tomorrow, I’m really looking forward to getting it because in the short time I’ve had the 20 lb one I’ve really gotten used to it, I love it!!

 

 I hope you have a good day today 💖

[Oaktree1]

@Grateful

 

Just wanted to come on your page as you've been having a bit of a reaction to the 10% cut of Lexapro by the sound of it.  When I was 5 months off the Cymbalta I was hit with something similar to the exhaustion you describe.  I think it's good you are taking it as easy as possible listening to meditation tapes and even managed to get on the treadmill! 

 

I presume it is allright to post the link below here.  It's from a different withdrawal site but my attitude is I suppose the more the merrier if it helps. 

 

It's episode 55 from Inner compass conversations - the wonderful Angie Peacock - my favourite withdrawal person.  The episode concerns the way Angie handled the different aspects of withdrawal and there are lots of questions from viewers.  I found it very uplifting and comforting - it might prove useful to you.

 

https://www.facebook.com/groups/507633113243148/user/1126899232

 

Thank you for all the support you gave me over the last few months.  I second the views of other here about your generosity of spirit.  

 

Oaktree1

[Lilmizz21]

@Greatful

 

Hi Greatful, just popping into your thread as some reassurance as you always reassure me.

 

I deal with all those weird brain things too and the DP/DR. But you are managing so well. Days in bed just distracting are what we need at times just to keep pushing through.

 

Also seen something I think I might get with ice packs in it.. https://www.amazon.co.uk/Headache-and-Migraine-Relief-Cap/dp/B08FD21SBH/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?adgrpid=57729409867&gclid=Cj0KCQiA-qGNBhD3ARIsAO_o7ynFB9PQCMu0qDSRZ2c0bHBKpn7mQuuIQdTJlJeSmFwOzOHrCh26A6AaAucDEALw_wcB&hvadid=267196994072&hvdev=m&hvlocphy=1007216&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=11151020308804787912&hvtargid=kwd-337712633973&hydadcr=13952_1829509&keywords=migraine+cap&qid=1638460107&sr=8-4

 

Apparently some people have found these helpful with all the crazy sensations 

 

Keep your positivity, keep your light shining !

[deg1979]

@Greatful, I just wanted to stop by and say you’re awesome. I think sometimes we forget that this struggle is uniquely difficult, so even sitting in a chair with a weighted blanket and your tablet, you’re a warrior! I thank you for all of the support and guidance you give to everyone on this site. I am hoping your wave sorts out and you figure out the triggers. I know that can be a guessing game. If we were fighting a “seen” illness, people would not think it strange that we need to take time off and just sit and manage. It sounds like you have a supportive partner, and I am so glad!

[Kat66]

Just wanted to add my voice to the support for you @Greatful sounds like you're having a tough time but you're getting it through it your way, quietly. 

[Escitalopram21]

Checking by to see how you are doing? Hopefully you are okay and if not you can trust that you Will be better soon ❤️ Even if its hard to believe in a wave. You are so kind and supportive and you are strong enough to get through this wave too! Cheering for you!

[Paquita]

Hi, stopping by.

I see you still struggle a lot. 💚

I also still deal with all that oversensitivity, noises, light, screens...

 

You are not alone!

You will get through this, we must believe in it.

[Greatful]

@KittenLePurr

This is strange.  I got a notification you posted here on my thread on Monday at 5:15 and there is nothing here........

I know my brain is half gone but wow lol🙄

 

[Kiasofia]

Thanks for checking in on me😊 How are you doing? I think of you often and am sending warm thoughts, even if I haven't stopped by in a while! Is the lexapro taper difficult?❤️

[Greatful]

@Frogie I am a new client for you lol

 

I had my appt. with my physic doc today and she has suggested again, that I split my Lex dose and do it  twice a day.  I am a altra fast metabolizer with the Lex.  She is wondering if I am not having a constant dose level in my body from day to day, hence the up and down from day to day WD symptoms.   I don't know if she is up on the window and waves........She is willing to let me do whatever I want with the taper. 

She cannot answer if I am having adverse affect from the Lex ( my gene test claims I can have  increased adverse reaction to some ssri's.   She did wonder if I did a faster taper to get off would I be any worse off then I am now.

I just can't seem to get rid of the brain tingling, crushing in, burning, painful brain.  It does let up at times but is this normal? 

I told her we would not be doing any changes until after holiday's( Christmas).

 

So what I guess I am asking is what is the general consensus with SA on all this?

Let me know if you need anymore infor from me

 

Thank you 

 

[Frogie]

@Greatful

 

I don't think I'd split your dose in 1/2. Lexapro tends to have an 8 hour 1/2 life. Being an ultra fast metabolizer I don't think would warrant doing 2 small doses. If I had to venture to guess if you are fast metabolizer you probably still have a 1/2 life of 4-6 hours.

 

After you get through the holidays you could potentially try a little faster taper. Maybe try 15% and see what happens.

 

The brain crushing sensation is normal with Lexapro. I had it along with 100 more symptoms it seems. You could try Tylenol. Believe it or not I kept a baggie of Orange & Spice tea bags with me and would give some relief. Peppermint tea also helped. I actually learned that from a really good therapist that knew all about tapering and wd. You might find a smell that you can focus on and maybe relive some symptoms.

 

I hope I helped. Let me know what you think.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Greatful]

@Frogie I will sit on it until after Christmas.  So drinking orange/ spice  rea help.  Great I will give that a try.  My therapist told me that peppermint can be simulating?  This is all so crazy.

I also noticed my Magnesium is not helping so much anymore?  Is this normal?

 

Happy Holidays to you and your family😊 

[Frogie]

I take 200 mg magnesium citrate twice a day, morning and night. How much do you take? You might up it a little and see if that helps.

 

I don't think peppermint tea or orange & spice tea is stimulating. It's caffeine free and really did help me. Sip on it and enjoy. Even the smell helped me.

 

Enjoy the holidays and keep me posted😊

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Greatful]

Update:

 

I should document this here.  I quit writing in my journal  a couple of months back.  It was the same old stuff day after day and it wasn't helping me anymore.  It is a struggle for me to even meditate or walk on the treadmill. 

It's been a rough month for me as I am sure for everyone else, the change of season, Thanksgiving, Christmas.

One of my brothers passed away last Sunday and my 96 year old dad is in the hospital.

I am trying to work through the emotions and deal with WD.  It is hard to know what is causing what right now.

 

There is some good news our youngest son graduated from  Collage, Michigan Tech in  Houghton Michigan last weekend.  We made  the several hundred mile drive to go and stayed the weekend. (We live in Minnesota) It was very tough, having panic, anxiety, brain disconnect/dysfunction and pain and several other WD symptoms.

 

I am struggling with horrible emotional and physical fatigue, no appetite, on and off nausea(it's been hard to eat most of the time lost about 30pounds) I get out of breath very easily, I feel like I am panting a lot, inner shaking, tingling throughout the body , crushing burning brain, or hot spots that move around my brain, obsessing, paranoia, fear, weakness in my arms and leg muscles, burning chest, tight chest,  tongue feels like I burned it on something,  dry and burning sinuses, (boiling water in the house to see if that helps)  numb area's around my face, dizziness low and hopeless moods/ loss of drive to do anything.  Brain panic, body panic, noise/ commotion sensitivity, I am sure there is more.  I have to also mention that these have been a on going issue since  last spring.  They do intensify and lighten up but I sure would like a window of some peace.  I do get about 5 hours of sleep a night, sometimes broken and tense and sometimes okay.  The early morning craziness starts around 4am-5am.

 

The D/R is getting better,  the thinking/brain disconnect not being able to focus/concentrate is one of the hardest.  How do you feel  you are remotely sane  when your brain feel like it is half missing which makes it hard to function, the thinking/processing/communicating/ can be a real chore on somedays this also leads to brain panic, the brain is trying to work right and it just can't do it.  The fog is lifting but not the dysfunction🥴

I keep telling my hubby this is so inhumane.  I am hoping when the holidays are over and our son goes back to Michigan (he has a job there) I can go into hibernation and some acceptance of who I am and all that is going on with me.

 

Thanks you all for listening.  Tell me that this is all normal WD things and it will pass and get better.   Knowing you are not alone and others go through similar things is so comforting.    You fight and fight and work on being positive how do you not lose the drive to be positive🥴

Edited December 26, 2021 by Greatful

[Lilmizz21]

@Greatful we have very very similar symptoms. Honestly there are days were I dont think I'm gonna make it. 

 

But yesterday the day was not symptom free but more bareable. The head pains were continuous and I was even going to go hospital few days prior, the head pains lifted abit yesterday so there has to be healing. 

 

Just keep holding out for those more bearable days, because they do come and I have been reassured that our similar symptoms reside over time 💞 sending love 

 

Sorry, also just read about your brother and your dad. I am so, so sorry. You are such a strong person, you really are. Make it be your motivation to know, you are still here, you are ok and this will all work out. 

 

They are both very lucky to have had you in their life and you them. Sending love to all your family at this time 💞

[arbor]

My best wishes to you @Greatful during this truly difficult time.  We are in this together.

2 hours ago, Greatful said:

Tell me that this is all normal WD things and it will pass and get better.   Knowing you are not alone and others go through similar things is so comforting.    You fight and fight and work on being positive how do you not lose the drive to be positive🥴

I really believe these symptoms--all of w/d--will get better for you.  I appreciate your sharing, and long for your relief as you make your way,

Big hug to you, Arbor

[Kat66]

Hey @Greatful just checking in and read your update. I just want to send you a massive hug. I’m not doing great either but we’re all on this boat together, you’re not alone! Just take it minute by minute, day by day. I know what you mean about journaling  though, it helps to get it down on paper but it’s the same old cr*p day in day out! Hang in there Xxx

[Selfhealer]

8 hours ago, Greatful said:

Update:

 

I should document this here.  I quit writing in my journal  a couple of months back.  It was the same old stuff day after day and it wasn't helping me anymore.  It is a struggle for me to even meditate or walk on the treadmill. 

It's been a rough month for me as I am sure for everyone else, the change of season, Thanksgiving, Christmas.

One of my brothers passed away last Sunday and my 96 year old dad is in the hospital.

I am trying to work through the emotions and deal with WD.  It is hard to know what is causing what right now.

 

There is some good news our youngest son graduated from  Collage, Michigan Tech in  Houghton Michigan last weekend.  We made  the several hundred mile drive to go and stayed the weekend. (We live in Minnesota) It was very tough, having panic, anxiety, brain disconnect/dysfunction and pain and several other WD symptoms.

 

I am struggling with horrible emotional and physical fatigue, no appetite, on and off nausea(it's been hard to eat most of the time lost about 30pounds) I get out of breath very easily, I feel like I am panting a lot, inner shaking, tingling throughout the body , crushing burning brain, or hot spots that move around my brain, obsessing, paranoia, fear, weakness in my arms and leg muscles, burning chest, tight chest,  tongue feels like I burned it on something,  dry and burning sinuses, (boiling water in the house to see if that helps)  numb area's around my face, dizziness low and hopeless moods/ loss of drive to do anything.  Brain panic, body panic, noise/ commotion sensitivity, I am sure there is more.  I have to also mention that these have been a on going issue since  last spring.  They do intensify and lighten up but I sure would like a window of some peace.  I do get about 5 hours of sleep a night, sometimes broken and tense and sometimes okay.  The early morning craziness starts around 4am-5am.

 

The D/R is getting better,  the thinking/brain disconnect not being able to focus/concentrate is one of the hardest.  How do you feel  you are remotely sane  when your brain feel like it is half missing which makes it hard to function, the thinking/processing/communicating/ can be a real chore on somedays this also leads to brain panic, the brain is trying to work right and it just can't do it.  The fog is lifting but not the dysfunction🥴

I keep telling my hubby this is so inhumane.  I am hoping when the holidays are over and our son goes back to Michigan (he has a job there) I can go into hibernation and some acceptance of who I am and all that is going on with me.

 

Thanks you all for listening.  Tell me that this is all normal WD things and it will pass and get better.   Knowing you are not alone and others go through similar things is so comforting.    You fight and fight and work on being positive how do you not lose the drive to be positive🥴

Hey @Greatful. First of all I’m sorry to hear about your loss. Hard things come and pass. Take your time, grieve and don’t avoid your feelings. Let them run through you like a river. 
 

You know that I haven’t been active for a while. But today, I was running through my emails and I accidentally opened the one that was about your topic here. Well I believe there is no coincidence in life so I felt the need to answer.

 

I’ll be brief and hopefully helpful. 
There are two quotes that helped and continue to help me to this inhumane reality  we’re all experiencing after those drugs;

1: Every day do something that scares you. If this is to walk for 5 minutes in the treadmill do it. Of course we should listen to our body and take rest when is needed.

2. Be GREATFUL (as your nickname says) about the things you have. Each and every day I try to find something in my life that I feel greatful for. This sense of humility is such a comforting feeling during withdrawal. 
 

My partner always says to me; what if you are like that for the rest of your life? Won’t you live it? As it is? 
This is an extremely painful thought… but if you and me and everyone sees it a little bit different and more deep you will find calm and truth in this saying….

 

These days WILL END Greatfull. I’ve seen and I still see the light at the end of the tunnel. I really do. 
 

I’m sending you a big, warm hug. Take care. 
 

Ps: I wasn’t as brief as I thought I would be 😅