Greatful: Is this withdrawal or too many med changes at once?

[Mia1]

2 hours ago, Greatful said:

@Mia1I did another  E/R  I finally went to get my hair cut.  So yes I will have to agree that I am slooowly healing.

That’s fantastic!!🎉

 

2 hours ago, Greatful said:

How do you get yourself to move when you feel so awful?  The fatigue and feeling like you have the flu without the fever.  

I don’t push myself with physical symptoms, I really believe that our bodies are telling us we need rest when we feel this way. On days like this I’ll maybe go for a light walk, meditate outside or listen to soothing music. These are my “free days” and I just try to make them fun.

 

2 hours ago, Greatful said:

I know how they do..... I am fighting it.   It is so hard when you feel so sick emotionally and physically.  I forget to give myself compassion and remind myself I am in W/D.   There is a positive today my anxiety and panic are down. 

That’s right, it ALWAYS comes down to resistance. And it’s a great reminder to be compassionate towards ourselves. I’ve also been practicing unconditional self acceptance. 

 

That is really positive you’re feeling better today, it’s so important to acknowledge all healing whether it’s big or small. 

2 hours ago, Greatful said:

So let me recap   You just accept what ever symptom you are having that day.(depression, anxiety, brain malfunction, panic, restlessness, feel just plain awful)( I am secretly worried I will be like this forever......) 

Yes, you accept whatever symptom you have and that’s how you take the power away from it. Really be okay with it, it’s only w/d and we know that it’s not permanent. And when you’re in acceptance you’re not focusing on your symptoms. And if you find you are focused on symptoms just continue to remind yourself everything is okay and focus off symptoms by bringing yourself back to what you are doing in the moment.

 

I think that thought is so common in w/d, that we’re never going to get better. But it’s just a thought and we are getting better! This is the only thought that I counter consistently, it helps to remind my brain that this is not a permanent situation.

2 hours ago, Greatful said:

See I knew there is a reason I talk to you, I get the thoughts and feelings out and then they don't seem as bad.   

It is very therapeutic to talk about what happening, especially with someone who is in the same exact situation. Remember, nothing is really as bad as we think it is.

 

2 hours ago, Greatful said:

Do you ever just hit the wall and break down and cry.😰

I cried pretty regularly and consistently for about eight months. I really had such a hard time with all of it, it felt so overwhelming and hopeless. I had moments and periods where I would do okay but then I would always lose my confidence and totally buy into the thinking that I would never get better, that I couldn’t do this, etc. So much so that I went on Lexapro for a month.

 

But once I made the decision in November that I was going to do this no matter what it took, things really changed for me. I quite literally surrendered my life over to God. Every day I would ask God for guidance, I read and listened to as much as I could on healing trauma. Most importantly I started my daily meditation practice. It all just fell into place and I know deep in my heart that no matter what happens I’m okay. How could I not be with God in control?

 

Not that there’s anything wrong with crying though; it’s a great stress relief!! 

2 hours ago, Greatful said:

Thank you for reminding me that I am growing and healing.

You really are and you may not think it but you really do have a great attitude. It’s like that saying, it’s not how many times you get knocked down but how many you stand up that count. You’re doing really great work too @Cheeky, we’re all one step closer to recovery ❤️💪🙏

[Hanna72]

Hi dear @Greatful

Wanted to drop by your thread to give you my support.

You are helping so many people in here with your kind words of support and encouragement. I wanted to give it right back to you.

I read one of your posts about you feeling like a failure and it saddened me to read. 
You are NOT a failure!

 

Found this saying for you;

 

When you are feeling like a failure, remember the grenades you have crushed, the setbacks you have won. This journey through life is rough, I Know, but still with courage you climb. The strength you have built will take you places. Be proud of the warrior you have become.

Being a person that has so much kindness and sympathy for others is the greatest gift a person can have. There are a lot of people with all kinds of skills and degrees and not enough of people like you. 
Be proud to be one of those who the world needs more of.

Hugs to you💕

[Greatful]

@Hanna72  Thank you so much for your kind words.  They moved me to tears❤️

If anything comes good from w/d it is how we all find ourselves, grow and heal☺️

 

I  want to say  you are also a kind and caring person♥️

[Hanna72]

Thank you so much  @Greatful💕

Yes this journey teaches us so many things. 
It’s sometimes feels like a double edged sword, one side is the pain and suffering and on the other is compassion and empathy, guess it sometimes has to go hand in hand.

 

[Cheeky]

2 hours ago, Hanna72 said:

Hi dear @Greatful

Wanted to drop by your thread to give you my support.

You are helping so many people in here with your kind words of support and encouragement. I wanted to give it right back to you.

I read one of your posts about you feeling like a failure and it saddened me to read. 
You are NOT a failure!

 

Found this saying for you;

 

When you are feeling like a failure, remember the grenades you have crushed, the setbacks you have won. This journey through life is rough, I Know, but still with courage you climb. The strength you have built will take you places. Be proud of the warrior you have become.

Being a person that has so much kindness and sympathy for others is the greatest gift a person can have. There are a lot of people with all kinds of skills and degrees and not enough of people like you. 
Be proud to be one of those who the world needs more of.

Hugs to you💕

@Hanna72

That us so true , she really is such a wonderful lady and I love those words you written. I hope your doing well . 

[Cheeky]

Hey lovely?

how are you this morning?

[Mia1]

Just stopping by to see how you are doing. What are your plans for today?

[Greatful]

@Mia1  Really feeling discouraged,  My moods are changing from anxiety, d/r, depression, anger, fatigue, I think I am getting a hint of apathy.   Mornings can be so tough for me. Did my walk, and haven't done much else, make a smoothie and sit on the computer.

 

I am going to try and get a start painting my bathroom. I did end up buying a new vanity top and it doesn't fit the wall the same, the old one went up the sides more, so I guess I have found a project to focus on.  

 

Thank goodness the depression lightens up a little in the evening.

 

I get discouraged when I read how this could take years to heal.  I get that, all though I hate the thought,  maybe we should also say  people  are not suffering  the whole time?    People do  get windows that last for more then a hour or day right?  That they start to have more windows and longer windows as they heal.  The thought of straight suffering is not a pretty picture. 

 

So lets remind people that it could take weeks to years to fully heal, but during that time you should be getting more windows and longer windows as your brain heals.     Ahhh  I feel better with that thought in my mind☺️

 

Sorry my attitude is in the hole, I should probably not post right now.  But it is reality, the moods we go through.  UGH😞

 

I'll check back in when I feel more positive.🤪

[Mia1]

51 minutes ago, Greatful said:

@Mia1  Really feeling discouraged,  My moods are changing from anxiety, d/r, depression, anger, fatigue, I think I am getting a hint of apathy.   Mornings can be so tough for me. Did my walk, and haven't done much else, make a smoothie and sit on the computer.

I’m sorry you’re getting hit with all this. I’m glad you can take it easy, hopefully the weather’s nice where you are and you can sit on the porch. I wish I could come over and visit you ❤️

 

I’m in a wave again, went to the gym but had to cut it short and come home. I’m experiencing fatigue, GI upset and difficultly concentrating among other things. I’m going to take it easy myself, just do some stretch yoga and meditate. Maybe try reading later. We do the best we can and accept the rest, right?

51 minutes ago, Greatful said:

I am going to try and get a start painting my bathroom. I did end up buying a new vanity top and it doesn't fit the wall the same, the old one went up the sides more, so I guess I have found a project to focus on.  

This actually sounds fun, what color are you painting your bathroom? I think it helps to have a project to focus on.

 

51 minutes ago, Greatful said:

Thank goodness the depression lightens up a little in the evening.

This is really positive!!🎉

 

51 minutes ago, Greatful said:

I get discouraged when I read how this could take years to heal. 

Healing is so unique to the individual and I honestly think that lifestyle choice makes a huge difference. You eat well, exercise, meditate, practice mindfulness and do some deep trauma work with your therapist. 

 

You are also having moments where you experience windows despite all the med changes you had in a short time period. This alone shows healing is already happening. I just don’t think it’s going to take years for you. Yeah, you’ll still have windows and waves from the other medications you’re going to taper but you’re going to do it slow this time so it won’t be this extreme. This is the worst part Greatful, it will keep getting easier. Especially with the skills you’re learning!!

51 minutes ago, Greatful said:

So lets remind people that it could take weeks to years to fully heal, but during that time you should be getting more windows and longer windows as your brain heals.     Ahhh  I feel better with that thought in my mind☺️

This is so true, I love it. And don’t forget we can experience symptoms and not suffer. It’s a practice for sure but it can be done. Just let everything be as it is without resistance or judgement.😊

 

51 minutes ago, Greatful said:

Sorry my attitude is in the hole, I should probably not post right now.  But it is reality, the moods we go through.  UGH😞

Nothing wrong with expressing how you feel, it’s good to get it out. I know it can be hard with these rapid cycling moods but hang in there you really are doing such a great job. I’m sending you healing thoughts and prayers 🙏🌈

[getofflex]

4 hours ago, Greatful said:

Sorry my attitude is in the hole, I should probably not post right now.  But it is reality, the moods we go through.  UGH😞

No worries @Greatful.  You have been so compassionate and empathetic with so many people on this site.  You are entitled to have a bad day.  We all have them.  This AD WD is extremely challenging for all of us, no matter how strong and positive we are.  

 

You are correct in your assessment that even if recovery takes years, it is not continuous suffering, at least not in the vast majority of cases.  For me, I've been at this for almost 4 years, and I'm still recovering and tapering, but it's getting easier and easier.  I have more good days, and fewer bad days. On occasion I still have a pretty bad day, but on average, at this point, it's mostly dealing with some fatigue and mild DP/DR.  I have other issues too, so that plays into it as well.  (menopause) 

[Greatful]

@getofflex  Thank you again😊 

 

I am feeling better.   I don't get that much anger anymore, but man today was a dozy.  If I think about it, the last few days I have some agitation off and on. So it came full blown today.  I really wonder if you still have some hormonal fluctuation after menopause.  I thought I heard that somewhere.  So use lucky females that are in w/d get to add pms and post pms UGH.

 

I am in awe at all that you went through. Your attitude is a inspiration to use all.  

You are getting to the end of your taper, how exciting.♥️

  

[getofflex]

Oh yes, I stopped having periods the very same month that I started my Lexapro (too fast) taper - August of 2017.  Amazing, isn't it?  I'm still having hot flashes even today, but they are less severe, and some days are infrequent.   I used to be a real pessimist, and worked hard to try to see the glass as half full rather than half empty, with the help of 12 step programs and therapy.  Yes, I'm getting to the end of my taper, and it is exciting, but I have to be extra careful now, as these drugs affect our brains significantly even at very low doses.  I'm really glad you are feeling better!  

 

In my opinion, my intense emotions all have a kernel of truth to them, but they are amplified by WD.  I also believe that for me at least, the emotions seem extra powerful because they have been tamped down by the drug for so l long, and we are not used to experiencing them in their full power.  My prayers are with you.  

Edited August 5, 2021 by getofflex

[Cheeky]

@Greatful I sorry it’s been a bad day, I so know what’s that like and I think Like you too. Maybe we should just focus on the day and not the future, there’s no point worrying about sometime that hasn’t been. Once you get stable  on such small doses it won’t take you long to get off.  
it’s great your keeping yourself busy.

[Greatful]

@Cheeky  What a weird day.  I am getting to evening and you are just starting yours.

I hope yours is better than mine.😊

[Cheeky]

7 minutes ago, Greatful said:

@Cheeky  What a weird day.  I am getting to evening and you are just starting yours.

I hope yours is better than mine.😊

I know you go to bed zi get out of mine l. I really hope it’s as good as yesterday’s . I really hate the mornings, my thoughts get so negative.

[Greatful]

@Cheeky  It works out for us, we both have rough mornings and feel a little better in the evening.  So when you are getting up I can support you and when I am getting up you can support me😍 It is 6:15 pm here now, what time is it there?

[Cheeky]

Just now, Greatful said:

@Cheeky  It works out for us, we both have rough mornings and feel a little better in the evening.  So when you are getting up I can support you and when I am getting up you can support me😍 It is 6:15 pm here now, what time is it there?

It’s 9.15am here, that sounds like a plan 👍 I’m happy the evening is going good for you . I will talk to you in the morning. Thankyou for being there for me ❤️

[Yersinia]

8 minutes ago, Greatful said:

I wish we could be together and hold each other.  I have a dream..............I will win the lottery and open a huge compound were people can come and stay when they are healing.

 

Just saw this on @Hanna72 thread.  Man - I would love this.  There could be enlightened medical help there...  meditation classes... art therapy... quiet places to walk in nature... healthy food... Imagine how much faster we might heal.  Maybe someday.  

 

On a completely different note, I'll be off of SA for a week.  I'm working with a psychotherapist who told me today that I have to stay off it for a week because it's ramping up my anxiety... and he's correct. I endlessly read threads about protracted withdrawal and conclude that that will be my path as well.  I'm so anxious but I can't tell how much of it is WD anxiety and how much is just mine (I've been very anxious all my life).  But I wanted to say a temporary Good-bye to you because I value you so much and to let you know I'll be back in a week.  Keep up the good work!  

 

Also, I wanted to thank you for making me aware of @Mia1 - her thread is a goldmine of meditation insight, etc.  I look forward to seeing what you both have posted when I return in a week.

 

 

[Greatful]

@Yersinia Take care of yourself and I will see you when you get back💕

[Yersinia]

Sorry - one last thing before I go... My therapist showed me this video which I find useful and maybe will be for you too?  See you in a week!

 

 

[Greatful]

@Mia1 Do you think I am battling the mind so much right now because  my nieces wedding is tomorrow and I feel pressure to go.  

 

I also had that horrible dream and then trauma work with my therapist.

 

It is so confusing, push yourself through your fear, but slow down and take care of yourself.  

 

So many things are coming up, the wedding, school meeting, I don't want to go to the back to school meeting if I am going to take some FMLA so I have to make a decision by the 19th and then my family cabin trip at the end of August.  I panic when I think of all the commotion at the cabins. 10 grandchildren and 11 adults and hubby and I.  

 

With this wave I am sensitive to noise, hearing talking.  I noticed it yesterday, Usually when I us head phones and listen to the guided meditation, her voice soothing, well it wasn't.  

 

I am just about done painting my bathroom.  The paint color is something ice,  a hint of blue.  Of course now I have to get a new shower curtain.  I think I will re-grout the floor next.  

Trying to keep busy but the energy level is low.

I wish I could take nice long naps😴

[Mia1]

41 minutes ago, Greatful said:

So many things are coming up, the wedding, school meeting, I don't want to go to the back to school meeting if I am going to take some FMLA so I have to make a decision by the 19th and then my family cabin trip at the end of August.  I panic when I think of all the commotion at the cabins. 10 grandchildren and 11 adults and hubby and I.  

This is a lot when not in w/d so having the added stress of these events will make your w/d symptoms more intense. I know what you mean though, that balance between truly taking care of ourselves and then not wanting fear to hold us back.

 

For me there’s also this whole other layer where right now I’m completely in charge of my schedule, I can do or not do whatever I want. There’s a safety in that, like being in a cocoon and then not wanting to come out of that cocoon too soon. Whatever decision you make will be the right one for you so whatever it is be okay with it. We’re having to figure out a lot as we go along. 

 

I would just focus on one thing at a time right now. So the wedding is tomorrow. Can you come up with an exit plan so if you go you won’t be committed to the whole time and can slip out if things become too much for you? I think just having the plan would help the anxiety/fear.  Remember though, one thing at a time. Thinking about everything is way too overwhelming and unnecessary. Remind yourself of that if your thoughts start to race.

55 minutes ago, Greatful said:

I am just about done painting my bathroom.  The paint color is something ice,  a hint of blue.  Of course now I have to get a new shower curtain.  I think I will re-grout the floor next.  

That’s amazing, good job!!

 

[Mia1]

@Yersiniathank you for your kind words, feel better ❤️🙏

[Mia1]

@Greatfuljust wanted to stop by and see how you are doing, what did you decide to do today? Thinking of you 💗

[Greatful]

@Mia1  Thanks for checking up on me☺️  Rough morning, pretty normal.

I have until 2:30 today to decide.  Really sound sensitive today, and smells to.  The though of all that talking and stimulation does not appeal to me. Brain doesn't want to cooperate today.  I told my husband that I would think of going if we could get there in the nick of time, stay for the service and leave right after.  I don't want to try follow  conversations and talk to people.  

 

If there is a positive I will get out of the house and it will pass the time today, and make it one day closer to getting my brain back. 🤪

 

I'll let you know if I go and how it went.

 

[Greatful]

@Mia1

I went to the wedding. We made sure to get there shortly before it started.  Left as soon as the ceremony was over. We were there maybe an hour. I had already told her a little bit ago that we were  not going to stay for the reception.  So a nervous ride to the wedding, but I did it. Really didn't have to talk much.  Trying to be social when you have to pretend that you are okay is stressful.  All you can think about is how you feel and just want to go. 

 

Do you have a hard time following conversations or talking in conversations?  It's like your brain can't quite connect or is slow.  Sometimes it feels like you are drunk, can't find the right words or get them out in right.

 

 I do have to say  I had a little melt down on the way home, wishing I could have my life back and actually stayed and enjoyed myself.  I use to be such a social person and slowly the AD's started affecting me where I became less social.  Now in WD it is even worse.

 

I really hope that after I stabilize more and start decreasing my Lex my old self will come out. 

 

 

[Moonpie]

I feel your pain Grateful!  I have been in that situation and I feel like I'm in a in a social setting turned wrong side out and on the edge of a cliff.   But give yourself credit you did it! And you were entitled to the little meltdown on the way home. You will get  your social self back as you heal.  I was a very social person too and I and I have regressed into just doing what I have to do and go where I have to go. To have to do extra is too much. But I'm beginning to see little glimpses of the old me here and there but no where near what I was.  We just have to trust God and let Him take care of it in His time.  You will be yourself again and so will I.  It is just a journey, a place we are passing through. We are not stopping or staying forever!

[Cheeky]

6 hours ago, Greatful said:

@Mia1

I went to the wedding. We made sure to get there shortly before it started.  Left as soon as the ceremony was over. We were there maybe an hour. I had already told her a little bit ago that we were  not going to stay for the reception.  So a nervous ride to the wedding, but I did it. Really didn't have to talk much.  Trying to be social when you have to pretend that you are okay is stressful.  All you can think about is how you feel and just want to go. 

 

Do you have a hard time following conversations or talking in conversations?  It's like your brain can't quite connect or is slow.  Sometimes it feels like you are drunk, can't find the right words or get them out in right.

 

 I do have to say  I had a little melt down on the way home, wishing I could have my life back and actually stayed and enjoyed myself.  I use to be such a social person and slowly the AD's started affecting me where I became less social.  Now in WD it is even worse.

 

I really hope that after I stabilize more and start decreasing my Lex my old self will come out. 

 

 

I’m so proud of you , its so dam hard to pretend and small talk when you feel your life has changed. I so understand when you say that your head is all over the place and you can’t connect, that’s me at the moment. This won’t  be forever , you will get there and so will I .

I so relate to how you describe your symptoms in withdrawal and it makes me feel less alone because  I feel the same. Big hugs fir going.

[Mia1]

11 hours ago, Greatful said:

I went to the wedding. We made sure to get there shortly before it started.

That’s fantastic news!! I thought you’d go, you’re getting to be pretty fearless 💪

 

11 hours ago, Greatful said:

Trying to be social when you have to pretend that you are okay is stressful.  All you can think about is how you feel and just want to go. 

It really can be. It’s good to have a plan in place so you can leave if things get to be too much. 

 

11 hours ago, Greatful said:

Do you have a hard time following conversations or talking in conversations?  It's like your brain can't quite connect or is slow.  Sometimes it feels like you are drunk, can't find the right words or get them out in right.

This is something I’m dealing with now, being in social situations is extremely stimulating for me and I do have difficulty keeping up. I’m also easily triggered, I’m thinking that may have something to do with neuro emotions. Does that happen to you, do you get easily triggered by certain people?

 

11 hours ago, Greatful said:

I do have to say  I had a little melt down on the way home, wishing I could have my life back and actually stayed and enjoyed myself. 

This is understandable, I have those moments too. I have to say though I really believe you’re rewriting the program by doing things in spite of your feelings. This is how you change behavior. You’re so inspiring!💗

[Greatful]

@Mia1 @Cheeky

 

1 hour ago, Mia1 said:

I’m thinking that may have something to do with neuro emotions. Does that happen to you, do you get easily triggered by certain people?

I find that it easier to pretend with strangers or people you are not emotional connected to, strangers or people you don't know real well, you can end the conversation, or not even engage in a conversation. When it comes to family, friends, co-workers anyone that you don't feel comfortable telling them what is going on it makes me more anxious.  I know them on a more personal level,  as we are talking, I'm thinking, if they only knew what is going on in my head right now, the fear, disconnected and distorted thinking, how I can hardly stay focused on what they are saying, let alone try to sound intelligent when answering back.   It makes me feel sad and less confident in myself.   It reminds me that they are going on with their lives and I am can't even stand there and have a conversation.  I guess it is playing a part in your  neuro emotions.  

 

I am totally exhausted today,  I just want to lay around with my eyes closed and chill.

Do you ever have days where you are so fatigued you just want to lay down and do nothing all day?  I slept okay last night, I when I got up and all I wanted to do was go and lay back down. So  I went and laid on the couch.  

 

Well I guess onwards I go.  

Have a good day ☺️

Cheeky, I  hope you are sound asleep😴 

 

 

Edited August 8, 2021 by Greatful

[Greatful]

@Moonpie  Thanks so much for the encouraging words.

 

20 hours ago, Moonpie said:

I was a very social person too and I and I have regressed into just doing what I have to do and go where I have to go. To have to do extra is too much. 

It is interesting how many people become home bound.  It can be so overwhelming to be around people, even going to the store can cause anxiety.  It seems to cycle, one week going to the store doesn't seem to bad, then the next week, you can't handle the people, the noise commotion and your brain doesn't seem to want to think right, try to remember what you came for UGH!

One week I can talk with my husband, then the next week I can hardly follow his conversation and hearing his voice is to stimulating...Hey that must be the same week  going to the store is a struggle............

 

20 hours ago, Moonpie said:

But I'm beginning to see little glimpses of the old me here and there but no where near what I was

 I know what you mean, it is so frustrating,  sometimes it feels like I am right there but I can't reach me yet.

 

20 hours ago, Moonpie said:

 It is just a journey, a place we are passing through. We are not stopping or staying forever!

Thank goodness, to be stuck in this nightmare. 😰

[Mia1]

Hey @Greatfulhow are you doing? Thinking of you💗

[Greatful]

@Mia1

I think I over did it the last week and the weekend.  Saturday was the wedding and Sunday church out for lunch and shopping at Menards, or of course it could be I am still in the wonderful wave. Or haven't even started to stabilize. 

Man I need a window to recoup!

 

I totally lost control of my thoughts, even meditation is a struggle.  I usually do the Healing Chronic pain ever day in the afternoon and have good success, but I couldn't find a positive thought to stay in my mind.  I am trying to stay busy, but reading, watching tv are struggles.  I have been working on my bathroom. Motivation is a struggle. Hard to eat again,  last I weighed myself, still losing weight.

 

My noise sensitivity and hard to follow conversations is high right now.   So is my ocd social phobia,  I can hardly stand to here my husband talk.  We went to my youngest daughter house for supper and cake, last night, it was her birthday.  That was tough, I could hard contain by ocd , let alone follow conversations.. Hard to eat again,  last I weighed myself, still losing weight.

 

But I know things are changing too.  My brain still gets crazy and distorted but  

 I have some clarity more often.  I should also mention that with this wave a lot of emotions from childhood are coming up and are strong.  I can't believe how deep my emotion and my distorted thoughts are and how much they have controlled and influenced my whole life.

 

 

I also feel a shift in seasons coming.  School starting and I really am leaning on taking FMLA in the fall.  I don't think I am anywhere ready to put up with all the commotion, people and it is a very physical job. We are already going to be short 2 people, I don't want to put up with that extra stress.  Looks like we would have to ware masks again, not so fun when you are hot, stress, trying to breath through it.  

 

I wasn't sure I wanted to post here since I am feeling worn out and having a hard time feeling something positive to focus on to keep going.  You are so strong and have the best out look.  I will keep moving forward.  CLOMP, CLOMP, CLOMP, .....WAVE.  CLOMP, CLOMP.

 

How long have you been trying to stabilize?

[getofflex]

25 minutes ago, Greatful said:

  I should also mention that with this wave a lot of emotions from childhood are coming up and are strong.  I can't believe how deep my emotion and my distorted thoughts are and how much they have controlled and influenced my whole life.

I’m going through something very similar @Greatful In my personal opinion these are true emotions but they are amplified by the withdrawals and our sensitized nervous systems.

 

taking leave from work sounds like a good plan for you. That would give you a chance to take it easy and slow down and allow your system to heal and rest.This is a long slow process isn’t it. But we will all get through it together.

Edited August 10, 2021 by getofflex

[Mia1]

36 minutes ago, Greatful said:

I totally lost control of my thoughts, even meditation is a struggle.  I usually do the Healing Chronic pain ever day in the afternoon and have good success, but I couldn't find a positive thought to stay in my mind.  I am trying to stay busy, but reading, watching tv are struggles.  I have been working on my bathroom. Motivation is a struggle

My heart goes out to you @GreatfulI’m so sorry you’re still stuck in a wave. I agree with you, last week may have been too stimulating for your nervous system. I hope this week is a nice quiet one for you.

 

37 minutes ago, Greatful said:

Hard to eat again,  last I weighed myself, still losing weight.

Are you able to have the protein shakes daily?

 

39 minutes ago, Greatful said:

But I know things are changing too.  My brain still gets crazy and distorted but  

 I have some clarity more often.  I should also mention that with this wave a lot of emotions from childhood are coming up and are strong.  I can't believe how deep my emotion and my distorted thoughts are and how much they have controlled and influenced my whole life.

This is amazing insight, even in a wave you’re still doing the work. You’re incredibly strong and inspiring 💪❤️

 

40 minutes ago, Greatful said:

I also feel a shift in seasons coming.  School starting and I really am leaning on taking FMLA in the fall.  I don't think I am anywhere ready to put up with all the commotion, people and it is a very physical job. We are already going to be short 2 people, I don't want to put up with that extra stress.  Looks like we would have to ware masks again, not so fun when you are hot, stress, trying to breath through it.  

This sounds like a great plan. Put yourself and your needs first, work will always be there when you’re ready to go back. You deserve it to have the time off.

 

42 minutes ago, Greatful said:

 

I wasn't sure I wanted to post here since I am feeling worn out and having a hard time feeling something positive to focus on to keep going. 

Thank you for posting, you are a beacon of light for so many. Let us be here for you when you’re feeling low. ❤️

 

43 minutes ago, Greatful said:

How long have you been trying to stabilize?

I’m going into my fourth month off Amitriptyline. The healing has been excruciatingly slow and I haven’t had a window yet. I do feel slight changes though so overall I know healing is happening. At this rate I’m hoping to be ready to taper Klonopin by October 🙏

[Mia1]

I want to share with you that I had a difficult morning yesterday, something I haven’t felt since last fall. I was meeting a friend to workout and grab an early dinner, she doesn’t know what I’m going through. I’m getting my period so all my symptoms are intensified and I started to get a migraine.

 

I fought this SO hard. I was literally like okay I’m done with this now I just want to feel well again. In the past I could get this under control in about 20 minutes but this time I was just raging. It took me most of the morning to get myself together.

 

 I finally said okay, this attitude is not helping me and I had to claw my way back to a positive attitude. It was not easy. I took an Aleve and that took the headache away and had me feeling good enough to carry on with my plans.

 

 I’m the furthest thing from perfect but I work hard at maintaining a positive attitude,  I think its essential for recovery. So we can have our moments and still be positive and strong.  It’s like that saying, it’s not how many times we get knocked down but stand back up that counts. So let’s keep helping each other up 💗