Greatful: Is this withdrawal or too many med changes at once?

[Mia1]

2 hours ago, Greatful said:

Good morning.  I bet you can feel me draining all your energy.  I am constantly using you as a reference in my mind.  ACCEPTANCE, ACCEPTANCE, you make it sounds so easy.  You have proven it came be done.💪 ‼️ When you first started to work on this  was it always a constant effort in you mind all day.  Does it get easier?  What are some of the things you would tell yourself to get you back on track?  Did you have a hard time staying positive when you were in the thick of your paws.  How did you handle and  combat neg when the doom and gloom struck? I am working hard at it.  Just looking for things I can tell myself.   

Hi Greatful, I was going to stop by today and see how you were doing, I enjoy our conversations. I may make acceptance sound easy but it has definitely been a practice for me, nothing came to me overnight. When you truly accept something it’s effortless, that’s how you know if you’re in acceptance. If there’s any resistance it’s going to feel like work. So think about what is bothering you, ask yourself can I really accept this. Once you get to the place where it no longer matters how you feel then you are free. Don’t try to change anything, just let everything be and observe what is happening. Go from having the experience to the one who is observing the experience. When in acceptance you no longer need to think about what’s bothering you, you just stay in the moment and focus on what you are doing, not what you are thinking.

You combat the negative thinking by not engaging in it. Let your negative thoughts come and go, they are just thoughts. Don’t assign them any meaning, remember that thoughts aren’t good or bad. Don’t get upset with yourself for having negative thoughts. Keep reminding yourself that negative thoughts are actually neutral thoughts. This is why daily meditation is SO important.

Also, did you check out the video I posted on KittenLePurr’s thread? I tagged you on it last week, it’s about reprogramming the mind, it’s an incredible interview. Watch it today if you get a chance, it explains a lot.

2 hours ago, Greatful said:

Can you explain what paws means?  I wonder if I am in paws from Prozac and Seroquel?  I try not to think about some of the poor members who have been dealing with it for years.🥵  I really want to start tapering Lexapro.  How long are you going to wait to start your taper and will you still start when you are have wd symptoms?

PAWS is protracted withdrawal so it does sound like you are experiencing it. The thing to remember is that everyone is different and heals differently. I’m in PAWS too right now from Amitriptyline. Sure it can feel uncomfortable but remember you are healing every day and the more work and self care you put in the better you will be. Honestly look at how well you are doing today from when you joined this forum, your progress is remarkable!!💪🎉

My biggest symptom right now is neuro emotions so when that eases up I’ll know I’m ready to taper again. I’m hoping by the fall 🤞

 

2 hours ago, Greatful said:

If you have time I found a explanation about acceptance Starlitegirlx.  I thought this might resonate with you.  Go to Finding meaning in the forms

Acceptance and Hope,  page 1 about half way down Starlitegirlx. Give it a read.

 I actually remember reading this a while back, she has a remarkable attitude. I appreciate the recommendation.

 

2 hours ago, Greatful said:

I also have been  catching myself on how quickly I think negatively, about things and then I think neg. about myself.   I know that my low self-esteem is really going to play apart in staying positive and finding the strength to move forward. This something I will be working real hard on with my Therapist.  

Awareness of thoughts is the first step to changing them so I would start viewing this as a good thing, your recognition of thought patterns. You have incredible strength now, don’t forget that. And I have to wonder do you really have low self esteem or is that just a story you’re telling yourself that you believe? These are programmed behaviors, you are rewriting the story now. You can be anything you want to be, how cool is that!!

 

2 hours ago, Greatful said:

Thank You for taking up space in my mind.😊  Although sometimes I can't comprehend how you make it sound so easy.  Remember patience is a tough one for me. I know your going to tell me PRACTICE, PRACTICE.  It is kind of like on a car trip and you keep asking are we there yet🙄

I’m always here for you 😊 Make the practice fun, remember the stream doesn’t struggle to get around the rock. It’s our minds that complicate things. The funny thing is Greatful you actually are there already, your mind prevents you from realizing it. Our natural state is peace and joy. Keep asking yourself why. Why should I feel so bad because I’m experiencing symptoms? Whatever the answer to that again ask yourself why. Keep doing this and you’ll soon realize all problems are problems of the mind. 

[Greatful]

@Mia1  I was over reading through Klp thread, started to steal some of your advice.  I copied, pasted and put it on my word doc so I can print off and hang on my refridge. as a reminder to me.  Anyway I didn't realize you were on Lexapro for about a month?  Did you taper off in three weeks?  You are one brave women.  I would guess that you are having some wd from that as well. 

I did watch the vidoe (I didn't get through the whole thing) and it was very interesting.  I will have to re- program my sub-conscious mind.  I am going to have to make a list with all the homework I will be doing.

 

If you don't mind me asking,  what kind of neuro emotion do you get? 

Most of the time my brain feels disconnected. Which really makes it hard to combat the obsessive thinking and ocd. My thinking is off so I get down.  I suppose this is were I don't combat the thinking and let it sit there, right! (ie refer to notes on the refridge)  I cry sometimes, but I don't cry as easy now that I am on Lex.  even the dose of 5mg.  

It has been a wild ride these last few days.  I sure hope things will settle down a little bit now that I have moved my lex to noon and it has been a few days. Where did my nice windows in the late afternoon and evening go?😪  It is so frustrating to be so sensitive to begin with, now it seems in wd even more so.

 

When I print out your advice I will put   Written by  Mia1😊

Have a good evening

[Mia1]

46 minutes ago, Greatful said:

I was over reading through Klp thread, started to steal some of your advice.  I copied, pasted and put it on my word doc so I can print off and hang on my refridge. as a reminder to me. 

I’m seriously SO happy that it can help you, we’re all in this together!!

 

47 minutes ago, Greatful said:

Anyway I didn't realize you were on Lexapro for about a month?  Did you taper off in three weeks?  You are one brave women.  I would guess that you are having some wd from that as well. 

Yes, I went on it for a month in October but was off it by end of November and felt fine. What I’m experiencing now is definitely from Amitriptyline. 

 

49 minutes ago, Greatful said:

If you don't mind me asking,  what kind of neuro emotion do you get? 

My biggest ones are anxiety/fear and anger/agitation. It’s so irrational it can actually make me laugh. Of course it can be very painful too. How about you, what are you experiencing?

 

51 minutes ago, Greatful said:

Where did my nice windows in the late afternoon and evening go?

They’ll come back, no emotion lasts forever even if it feels like they do.

 

52 minutes ago, Greatful said:

When I print out your advice I will put   Written by  Mia1😊

Have a good evening

You’re so sweet, have a good evening as well 😊

[Greatful]

@Mia1

17 hours ago, Mia1 said:

My biggest ones are anxiety/fear and anger/agitation. It’s so irrational it can actually make me laugh. Of course it can be very painful too. How about you, what are you experiencing?

Right now I am not sure you want to know how I am feeling.  The last few days have been tough.

My brain doesn't want to work right.  I can't think straight.  I am so sick of my brain with all it's crazy sensations, buzzing, tingling, numb, round peg being shoved through the top of my head, vice grips squeezing my temples, sore spots that move around my brain.  Sometimes my anxiety is in my brain it feels really intense and panicky, sometimes it is in the pit of my stomach, sometimes it is in my lower stomach, chest,  sometimes I have panic and tension in my body that makes me want to explode.  The low self defeating mood that tells me how are you going to go on.  Social anxiety.    I guess you can say I am having a melt down. Crying as I write this.  The sad part is now that I am on Lex I can't even really cry.  Tears yes,  but no gut wrenching sobbing that I need right now.  The only way I can find some calm in when I can get myself to think I am in WITHDRAWAL and there is no personal relaxion on me. (my self esteem beating myself up again).  Do you ever wonder if the people around you, family ect. really believe all the crazy stuff that happens with WD.  REALLY WE ARE NOT MAKING THIS STUFF UP.  (there goes my low self esteem worrying if I have a valid reason for how I am feeling or behaving).

 

I am sorry I l let you see my weak side.  I do try to do all the things to make it through this.  I am tired today.  I guess I am feeling a little sorry for myself.  You are so positive and have remarkable strength and I do draw off of that.  Just don't think less of me for melting down.  

I know that I will dig deep and find the strength to move on, I always have through my whole life.  Sometimes you just have to let loose and feel the pain.   

 

I had better stop here and go meditate.  

 

 

 

[Mia1]

 

6 minutes ago, Greatful said:

The last few days have been tough.

My brain doesn't want to work right.  I can't think straight.  I am so sick of my brain with all it's crazy sensations, buzzing, tingling, numb, round peg being shoved through the top of my head, vice grips squeezing my temples, sore spots that move around my brain. 

 

I’m so sorry you are having a tough time, it can really feel crushing at times. The kindest thing you can do right now is accept your symptoms, resisting them is only going to make them more intense. I know it can feel devastatingly hard, of course we want to feel well and have our brains working properly. But we’re in the situation we’re in and even though we can’t change the way we feel physically, we can change the way we react to it emotionally. It’s the kindest thing you can do right now. 

Maybe watch some Gabor Mate today on YouTube, he integrates the trauma healing with spirituality so beautifully. It has helped me a lot.

 

14 minutes ago, Greatful said:

The low self defeating mood that tells me how are you going to go on.  Social anxiety.    I guess you can say I am having a melt down. Crying as I write this.  The sad part is now that I am on Lex I can't even really cry.  Tears yes,  but no gut wrenching sobbing that I need right now.  The only way I can find some calm in when I can get myself to think I am in WITHDRAWAL and there is no personal relaxion on me. (my self esteem beating myself up again).  Do you ever wonder if the people around you, family ect. really believe all the crazy stuff that happens with WD.  REALLY WE ARE NOT MAKING THIS STUFF UP.  (there goes my low self esteem worrying if I have a valid reason for how I am feeling or behaving).

 

Yes, when you have been as unwell as long as we have been it’s natural to have the thoughts I’ll never be well, I don’t want to do this anymore, I just want my life back, etc. But it comes back to resistance, right? Getting upset or self defeating isn’t going to get you better sooner. In fact, it will probably prolong it.

So yes, feel your feelings and cry if you need to but don’t let it fall into self pity. The best way to do that is feel your feelings without listening to the story in your head. It’s okay to not be okay, it’s healthy to feel. As the old saying goes you have to feel it to heal it.

And yes, it truly is withdrawal. Neuro emotions ARE real. I don’t tell many people what I’m going through because I think it is hard for people who have not been through this to understand not only w/d from psychiatric drugs but PAWS. I and am lucky that my husband completely understands and is very supportive. I’m also grateful for people like you on this site who intimately know what this is and offer support despite not feeling well.

What does your support look like?

 

24 minutes ago, Greatful said:

I am sorry I l let you see my weak side.  I do try to do all the things to make it through this.  I am tired today.  I guess I am feeling a little sorry for myself.  You are so positive and have remarkable strength and I do draw off of that.  Just don't think less of me for melting down.  

You are the furthest thing from weak and certainly never have to apologize to me for feeling. I think you’re amazing. From time to time I’ll read a thread and there you are giving yourself, your time, and quite frankly some really amazing advice all while maybe not feeling the greatest yourself. I only wish in this moment you could see what I see in you but I believe in time you will. You are so strong Greatful, please don’t forget this. You are worthy and you are so loved 💗

[Selfhealer]

Hello @Grateful. I just read your post and I wanted to remind you… you don’t have a weak side! You have a human side… anything else is just chemicals. Been thinking of you the last days. I wish you a better day tomorrow ❤️🌼

[Mia1]

Wanted to check in with you today to see how you are doing. 

[Greatful]

 @Altostrata @Shep @Frogie

Thank you for helping me.  The support you give to all of us is overwhelmingly generous and I can't thank you enough.  That goes to all the mod's and fellow members.

 

I started to move my Lexapro up a hour a day from 5pm to noon on Friday June 25th- Wed. 30

I increased my Omaga3  to a high dose on Wed. June 30th.  

I went into a wave starting Tuesday June 29th 

I increase in anxiety, panic, brain sensations intensified, depression started  Friday July 2nd.

I don't know if the time change of Lex or the increase in my Omego 3 set off the wave or if it is the pattern.  I went back down to my original dose of Omega 3 today 

 

One thing I was wondering about is if I could have kindled when I started the Lex. on April 3rd.

I was on it for many years up until Summer of 2014 tried to taper off myself and crashed, when we tried to re-instate it I had sever panic and anxiety (my husband could feel the electricity coming off of me .  Told to stop hence the drug mess that lead me into the hospital fall of 2014.

Do you think some of my brain issues are a kindling symptom?   I am waiting to stabilize on it, can I stabilize on it if I have been  sensitized to it?  Not sure if I understand kindling.  I know I was on  Seroquel  5 weeks ct'd  last winter and Zoloft for 4 weeks ct'd  Plus the Prozac I was tapering off of last summer that started this whole mess.  Would that mean I am in WD from 3 meds and could be sensitive to Lex.  I just want to know what all I am dealing with and how to go forward.

 

I should mention I meet with my new Pdoc and she is on board to help me taper off the meds when I am ready.  She seems a little more receptive to WD and slow taper.  Her and I will get to know each other better as time goes on.  I have a med history she will have to look though.

 

Here is 3 days of daily schedule  June 30  July 1  July 2

Wednesday

 

2am--wake up  go back to sleep

4:30am - 6:30am--Tense restless light sleep

6:30am- get up 50mg magnesium- Brain buzzing, burning, very tense, side of face numb

anxiety

7am--yogurt-

8am--37.5 Lamictal - 500mg vit c  Omega 3  same symptoms as above dizzy

9am--Headache --Walk  same symptoms plus dizzy low mood

12pm--Lunch 5mg Lexapro   50mg magnesium same symptoms  1000mg Tylenol

2pm-- 200mg L Theanine  Omega 3

3pm--meditate  Still headache and numb face anxiety  whole side of head and face numb 1000mg Tylenol 

5pm-  Dinner-.0625mg xanax  dizzy headache  face numb

7:30 -Dizzy  anxiety  brain still numb

8:30pm -.4 Melatonin 

9:30pm-- 25mg Trazodone   .125mg xanax

 

Anxiety med and low mood all day  My brain is always buzzing or tingling

 

Thursday

2am--up back to sleep

4am-- 6:30  up-- 50mg magnesium- anxiety and very tense lay in bed drift very lightly

6:30 up 50mg magnesium -anxiety, tense, brain very tense, head numb, left side face numb, weak arm muscles, nausea low mood 

8am--37.5 lamictal  vit c   Omega 3  same symptoms 

9am ---walk   

11am --  50mg Magnesium--- body and brain still very intense  over stimulated

12pm   5mg Lex Lunch

1pm --Panicky, buzzing brain ,head pressure anxiety, low mood brain is plugged into a light socket 

2pm  200mg L Theanine  Omega 3   same as above

4pm--50mg  Magnesium  Very anxious and tense

4:30--.0625mg xanax

5pm  Dinner, high anxiety

8:30 .4mg melatonin

9:30pm 25mg Trazodone  .125 xanax  

 

Friday

1:30 up back to sleep

4am--up, anxiety brain buzzing

5:30am-- 50mg magnesium  anxiety and panic  lay in bed

7am--up  50 mg magnesium Yogurt,   anxiety brain buzzing 

8am--37.5 Lamictal  vit c  Omega 3  dizzy low mood and tense

9am--Walk  dizzy,top of head very sore feels like someone is pounding a peg through, a very intense brain

11am-- dizzy tingling and heavy legs.  weak arm muscles

12pm Lunch  5mg lex.  brain still a mess fatigue and depression set in. Anxiety

2pm--L Theanine 200mg  Omega 3

4pm-- anxiety high depression high

5pm-- dinner  .0625mg xanax  headache weak arms and legs

7pm --anxiety and depression

8:30--  .4mg melatonin

9:30--  25mg Trazodone   .125 xanax

 

Today is about the same 

we going to move my .0625mg xanax to earlier in the afternoon?

Let me know if you need any other information

All of  you wonderfully strong women have gone through this and can I only hope to draw off of your strength and knowledge.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Greatful]

@Mia1  Thanks so much for asking.  Today is tough.  For me it is really hard to work through the depression when it hits.  Do you battle with it?  It makes me wonder and second guess myself that is this WD and or just mental illness.  You have been on meds almost as long as me, do you ever wonder if you are going to be okay with out drugs.  Man this is hard.   I told myself today that depression is just a state of mind.  It can get so hard to not go down the hole and feel overwhelming defeated.  I hope it is just the med time change and or I tried to up my Omega 3.  The thing is you will never know. 

I get bored, I have a hard time watching tv. It is so hot in the afternoons so   it is hard for me be outside.  I get down on myself for doing nothing but sit on the computer.  I do walk in the morning and meditate cook fast meals.  I use to be so much more active.  I probably should order that loom.  I read, I think on Aeroman's success story that just find something  to do (puzzle, watch a movie, ect.) to pass the time,  because that's what it is going to take is time.

I try to read the success stories,  sometimes it works sometimes it scares me how much pain and how long it took.  

I will keep working on my thoughts and get through each day.

  Please let tomorrow be better and the depression lift.

 

[Mia1]

24 minutes ago, Greatful said:

Today is tough.  For me it is really hard to work through the depression when it hits.  Do you battle with it?  It makes me wonder and second guess myself that is this WD and or just mental illness.  You have been on meds almost as long as me, do you ever wonder if you are going to be okay with out drugs.  Man this is hard.   I told myself today that depression is just a state of mind.  It can get so hard to not go down the hole and feel overwhelming defeated.  I hope it is just the med time change and or I tried to up my Omega 3.  The thing is you will never know. 

I’m so sorry you’re having such a difficult time. I am intimately aware of depression, started medicating it with alcohol and cigarettes at 16. For me it was the anxiety that had me running for psych medication, it just felt like too much to bear. I’ve had a lot of trauma in my life.

When I CT’ed the MMJ I was in similar situation as you, second guessing myself, thinking well this is just me, I can’t do it without medication, it’s too painful, etc. I know for a fact that I am better off without these drugs and will never touch them again. I know the same can be said for you. You are absolutely in w/d. Look at how many medications you have started, stopped and tapered in the past year. It’s a slow and sometimes crushing process but you’re putting the work in and you will get there. 

I no longer believe in “mental illness.” I believe that people have trauma in their lives and they develop issues as a result of it. It can be healed.

38 minutes ago, Greatful said:

I get bored, I have a hard time watching tv. It is so hot in the afternoons so   it is hard for me be outside.  I get down on myself for doing nothing but sit on the computer.  I do walk in the morning and meditate cook fast meals.  I use to be so much more active.  I probably should order that loom.  I read, I think on Aeroman's success story that just find something  to do (puzzle, watch a movie, ect.) to pass the time,  because that's what it is going to take is time.

Yes, you should find some kind of hobby you enjoy to help take your mind off your symptoms for a while. What do you like to do? I thought the hat idea was fantastic. Make a promise to yourself to start something on Monday.

Don’t compare yourself with the past. The past no longer exists, only now exists. So right now maybe the best thing is to take it easy, be on the computer if you’re enjoying it. Along with the other activities you’re doing it sounds like you’re doing enough. I say this to you a lot but I think you need to hear it again: BE KIND TO YOURSELF, you deserve that.

44 minutes ago, Greatful said:

I will keep working on my thoughts and get through each day.

  Please let tomorrow be better and the depression lift.

Keep challenging your thoughts, it is only going to get better. Hang in there, you’re worth the effort!! 

[Altostrata]

@Greatful How long have you been taking Xanax at 5 and 9:30 every night?

 

Your anxiety symptoms may be interdose withdrawal from Xanax. What do you think of this schedule suggested by @Frogie

 

On 6/25/2021 at 7:18 PM, Frogie said:

Hello

 

What if you tried .0625 in the morning, .0625 afternoon and then .125 at bedtime (or an hour or so before bed).

 

 Just an example I took mine at 6 am, 2 pm and 8 pm on a regular basis. I didn’t feel any withdrawal staying on that schedule personally.

 

I think getting you on a regular schedule will be best and you can address moving the Lexapro to lunchtime.

 

Let me know what you think.

 

 

 

It appears Lamictal makes you dizzy and maybe causes other symptoms later.

 

You are not getting queasiness after your Lexapro dose? This has changed? What symptoms distinctly change after you take Lexapro?

[Greatful]

@@Altostrata   @Frogie

 I estimate that I have taken xanax at bed for  over 6 months.  I took xanax  throughout the day from about Dec. to mid May(3 to 5 times a day at .125mg).  Mid May is  when I started taking at  5 and 9:30.  What is interdose withdrawal ?  Do you think I decreased the xanax to fast?

So if I take it 3 times a day I will be increasing a small dose I will be taking more xanax?  If so, what times do you think.

21 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

You are not getting queasiness after your Lexapro dose? This has changed? What symptoms distinctly change after you take Lexapro?

   No I don't get as sick feeling as I did at the beginning , but I do have nausea off and on throughout the day and have no apatite.  I have lost about 20#.  I really do think the Lex does affect my apatite.  I don't crave sweets anymore, which is good.  

I will have to take notes for awhile since I just switched it to noon and see if things stay in a pattern.  I do know that I have more anxiety in the late afternoon and evening.  It could be a coincidence or a wave.

[Altostrata]

28 minutes ago, Greatful said:

I will have to take notes for awhile since I just switched it to noon and see if things stay in a pattern.  I do know that I have more anxiety in the late afternoon and evening.

 

Yes, we need those notes.

 

Interdose withdrawal occurs the next day when the benzo is wearing off. It's likely you're getting this from Xanax. This could affect your appetite, too. Our kind @Frogie will help you with the next step, spreading out your Xanax dosing.

[Greatful]

@Altostrata  Thank you, I will wait and keep notes for a few days.  Feeling pretty sick to my stomach right now.  It thinks it hungry but nauseous at the same time.

[Frogie]

I gave you a schedule earlier. What do you think of trying that one? You wouldn’t be taking more than you are, just spreading it out so your body will stabilize.

 

Let me know what you think.

 

Take care,

 Frogie xx

[Greatful]

@Frogie I am confused.  I take xanax  twice a day  .0625 at 5pm and .125 at 9:30

So if I take .0625 at 7am and .0625 at 2pm and .125 at 9:30pm that would put me adding .0625mg.  Do you think I decreased my xanax to fast and I am having some withdrawal?  

[Frogie]

You stated:

“I took xanax  throughout the day from about Dec. to mid May(3 to 5 times a day at .125mg)”.

 

If you took Xanax 3 times a day at .125 you would have taken .375 a day and at 5 times a day would have been .625. That’s a pretty big taper to go to .125 twice a day in June.

 

You can stay at .25 a day if you are comfortable with that. But I would split that into 3 equal doses a day so you can keep a steady dose in your system.

 

Let me know what you would like to do and I will be happy to help you set up a schedule.

[Greatful]

@Frogie

Should I split and do .0625mg at 7am and .0625mg at 2pm and .0625mg at 9:30pm

That would be at the same as amount of xanax just splitting  .125mg I take at 9:30  to one in the day

 

Or do you think I should add .0625 a extra dose per day

 

.0625mg at 7am and .0625mg at 2pm and .125mg at 9:30.  which would mean I am going up a tiny bit equaling 25mg per day

                  

I know it is a holiday, just get back to me when you can

Have a happy 4th of July

[Frogie]

Are you having a tremendous amount of anxiety or do you think you could do the .625 3 times a day? I want you to be comfortable, but not adjust your dose up and down. That just adds fuel to the fire and becomes a huge mess for you.

 

If you could do the .625 3 times a day we could get you on a set schedule, hold and then taper off slowly. How do you feel about that?

 

Happy holiday to you.

Edited July 5, 2021 by Frogie

[Greatful]

@Frogie  I would like to see if I can manage the anxiety at .0625mg 3 times a day

When I moved my Lex from 5pm to noon it really sent me into a wave of high anxiety and depression.  I would like to see if it will stable out before I up the xanax

 

I would like to take it in the morning with my morning meds other meds.

Yesterday I took  .0625  at 9am .0625 at 3pm  I took a smidge over  .0625mg at 9:30  I wasn't sure if I was suppose to stay at .125 at pm.

I didn't know what to do and my anxiety was horrendous

 

Before I saw your reply I took it with my 8am meds at  7am this morning ( a hour earlier than normal)

So yes lets set a schedule

Thank you so much

 

[Frogie]

We can certainly try the .0625 3 times a day and see how that goes. I’d hate for you to updose if you don’t have too.

 

Can you take it an hour or so before your other meds? That’s the ideal way to dose Xanax.

 

Then we can give it a week or so and see how you’re doing? How does that sound?

[Greatful]

@Frogie  Thank you

7am xanax

8am  lamictal  Omega 3  vit c

12pm  Lexapro

1pm xanax

3pm L Theanine  Omega 3

8:30pm xanax

9:30pm Trazodone  Melatonin

Do these times look okay? Do I need to move anything?

I do take magnesium throughout the day.  Can that be taken at the same time as xanax

[Mia1]

How are you doing today?

[Greatful]

@Mia1  I feel a little better.  Still in a low mood.  We are trying to set up a schedule for my xanax.  They are wondering if I am going to long  between doses.  I guess I am hooked on it.  My pdoc kept pushing it more.  Thank goodness I was  conservative with it, but I took it long enough and everyday for months.  I have been trying to get this all straight and I forgot to take my Lex at noon, didn't remember until 2:15.  So I suppose that I will have some affects from the delay.  I really am having a crabby neg. day.  It is so hot outside the last few days I can't sit outside as long as I like.  

 

My youngest son is home for a few days.  That is nice, but now I have to cook. UGH.  He is going to collage in the up of Michigan.  Michigan Tech. He has 1 more semester that he will do in the fall.  He decided to stay up  there for the summer to work a job in his field.  Mechanical Engineer.      

 

You take Klonopin  how often do you take it. 

I will be taking .0625mg (1/4 of a 25mg) 3 times a day.  So I will be cutting and measuring more.  It is kind of funny. (but I do get sad when I see all this) I sit down on Saturday evening and get my bottles of meds (lex, xanax, Trazodone, Lamictal, Omego 3, Vit c, L Theanine) my scale, razor, pill cutter, pill box, red envelope to cut on. ( I put small pieces and dust into a empty bottle of the drug that I am cutting. I cut Traz, Lamictal, xanax) Oh, I also cut down a 1mg melatonin to about .4mg.  It is frustrating that I am on low doses of everything but I will have to taper them all. 

I can get neg. about it.  I ask out loud how did it come to this.  4 meds🥵.  I feel overwhelmed by it.  Of course my hubby the man with the positive attitude tells me that I am doing something about it and getting better.  Thank goodness he has a much better attitude about it.  Even with the xanax.  He doesn't know how I would have done it without it last winter.  I was a huge mess. 

 

Thanks for posting to Bea81.  I always feel bad when someone is in so much pain.  I can relate to that desperate and awful panic. 

 

Look at me rambling on.  I am so bored.

Thanks for the chat

[Mia1]

That’s great your son is home for a few days, enjoy your time together!!

Yes, it looks like you guys are coming up with a good schedule for your Xanax. Don’t worry about how many medications you’re on or how long you’ve been on them. I understand the frustration but ultimately it doesn’t change anything. Your husband is absolutely right, you’re doing something about it now and that’s all that matters, NOW. 

I’ve been on klonopin for 20 years!!! Seriously, how crazy is that? Over the years the doses have varied but I’m currently on .25 mg 2xday. When I start tapering I’m going to taper 5% off each dose for the 10%.

Are you planning on tapering Lexapro first and then Xanax?

I think it’s a good sign you’re bored, lol .....

[Frogie]

3 hours ago, Greatful said:

@Frogie  Thank you

7am xanax

8am  lamictal  Omega 3  vit c

12pm  Lexapro

1pm xanax

3pm L Theanine  Omega 3

8:30pm xanax

9:30pm Trazodone  Melatonin

Do these times look okay? Do I need to move anything?

I do take magnesium throughout the day.  Can that be taken at the same time as xanax

You’re very welcome 😊 

[Greatful]

@Selfhealer Thank You for your encouragement.  I need all the help I can get.

[Greatful]

A little up date

It has been a really tough 8 days.  Can anybody relate to the depression?  How do you cope with the despairing neg, thoughts.  UGH. Will this ever let up!   My anxiety went through the roof.  I am hoping spacing the xanax  though out the day will help with that. 

 I can say there has been a slight improvement in the  brain buzzing, still there but it must be duller at times because I can think a little clearer at times and I can forget about it at occasionally.   The left side of my face and eye is not as sore. (still there but not as sever) 

 

How do you stop second guessing everything you do.  Is this me or is it the WD. or the meds that you are still taking, what is causing all this chaos in my brain and life.

I am lucky I had a few extra lbs on me when all this started, so far have lost about 20lbs.  The nausea and no appetite make it hard to eat. I can feel hungry but it is hard to find something to eat.  Then I'm scared of what to eat.  So much is said on here about foods causing problems, so then I am wondering if I ate something wrong to make me so miserable or if it just a wave.

 

My husband looks perplexed when I say maybe the increase in Omega 3 or  peanut butter or this food or that food made me not feel good.  UGH.  

 

Please if anyone has any spare patience or acceptance they could spare I'll pay you for it‼️ 

 

I hate the social anxiety that has turned almost into a phobia.  Please tell me if you experience this and it will get better.  In fact all the crazy intrusive thoughts from the past, suicidal ideation, crazy fears that come up, they all get better right.  I keep thinking I am going to turn into a hermit which  increases the negativity and depression.  What is the point attitude.  I don't know if it is better to force myself to do things that cause increased anxiety or to reassure myself to be patient that things will get better in time, and you will be able to go back to being around people.  What is right, what is wrong.  How hard do you push yourself and when do you back off.  

 

I know I'm whining but I need to let it out.  Staying strong and positive is a good and a must I know.  But stuffing the pain and not letting it out isn't good for you either.  I need to know that other people have tough times and I am not alone,  so I don't feel so weak when I lose hope.

 

Oh I want to pass to looking at Michael Priebe's You tube "The lovely grind".  He has recovered from Paxil and xanax.  He has some very encouraging words. I thought I would pass this on, maybe I can help someone else out as they go through this pain.  Besides I like them.  I hope you do to (who ever reads this)

 

There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Thanks for listening.  

I feel better now

 

 

[KittenLePurr]

9 minutes ago, Greatful said:

A little up date

It has been a really tough 8 days.  Can anybody relate to the depression?  How do you cope with the despairing neg, thoughts.  UGH. Will this ever let up!   My anxiety went through the roof.  I am hoping spacing the xanax  though out the day will help with that. 

 I can say there has been a slight improvement in the  brain buzzing, still there but it must be duller at times because I can think a little clearer at times and I can forget about it at occasionally.   The left side of my face and eye is not as sore. (still there but not as sever) 

 

How do you stop second guessing everything you do.  Is this me or is it the WD. or the meds that you are still taking, what is causing all this chaos in my brain and life.

I am lucky I had a few extra lbs on me when all this started, so far have lost about 20lbs.  The nausea and no appetite make it hard to eat. I can feel hungry but it is hard to find something to eat.  Then I'm scared of what to eat.  So much is said on here about foods causing problems, so then I am wondering if I ate something wrong to make me so miserable or if it just a wave.

 

My husband looks perplexed when I say maybe the increase in Omega 3 or  peanut butter or this food or that food made me not feel good.  UGH.  

 

Please if anyone has any spare patience or acceptance they could spare I'll pay you for it‼️ 

 

I hate the social anxiety that has turned almost into a phobia.  Please tell me if you experience this and it will get better.  In fact all the crazy intrusive thoughts from the past, suicidal ideation, crazy fears that come up, they all get better right.  I keep thinking I am going to turn into a hermit which  increases the negativity and depression.  What is the point attitude.  I don't know if it is better to force myself to do things that cause increased anxiety or to reassure myself to be patient that things will get better in time, and you will be able to go back to being around people.  What is right, what is wrong.  How hard do you push yourself and when do you back off.  

 

I know I'm whining but I need to let it out.  Staying strong and positive is a good and a must I know.  But stuffing the pain and not letting it out isn't good for you either.  I need to know that other people have tough times and I am not alone,  so I don't feel so weak when I lose hope.

 

Oh I want to pass to looking at Michael Priebe's You tube "The lovely grind".  He has recovered from Paxil and xanax.  He has some very encouraging words. I thought I would pass this on, maybe I can help someone else out as they go through this pain.  Besides I like them.  I hope you do to (who ever reads this)

 

There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Thanks for listening.  

I feel better now

 

 

There IS a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time. It will get better in time. I relate to the depression and to the social phobia! My social anxiety peaked to an all-time high last year in benzo withdrawal...it has since relaxed a bit, back down to a severe discomfort in social situations and conversations, no longer a full-on phobia where I shook all over and could not function. I've always had social anxiety but withdrawal absolutely makes it more intense. Have you always had it too? I shouldn't say "always." But since I was a little girl. My parents have it. It's caused by not being accepted fully as a young child; it's trauma. A fear that other people will judge you, humiliate you, not accept you, etc. I socialized on Sunday and it was painful. All day long it was painful!! "What do I say? What do I do with my hands? How do I stand? How do I be?? " ...

 

We can heal it but it will take time. It's not the worst thing to push yourself a little bit but overdoing it and forcing yourself to engage when you really don't feel up for it isn't necessarily the best. Can you engage just some of the time? Take lots of time to yourself to recuperate? I need to recover and recharge from socializing anyway, even not in withdrawal. Take all the time you need. And if you do need to be social situation, remember as often as you can that your thoughts are not the truth. Focus on your breath and on your feet touching the ground. Be as present as you can even if it feels impossible. That's my opinion, anyway.

 

And the depression...I know it feels dismal. And it's so hard to ignore your thoughts. Are you still meditating? Practicing being in the moment and surrendering to whatever is going on without engaging can help. It won't eradicate the negative, despairing thoughts. But certain meditations can help. Some grounding meditations can help with anxiety...that's a kind of meditation where you imagine roots, like those of a tree, coming down from your feet or core and going deep, down into the earth, firmly rooting you to the ground. There are lots of grounding meditations on Insight Timer, if you have it. That helps me sometimes when my head is spinning. And a mantra like "I am OK' or "I am healing at my own pace" can remind me I'm wading through some treacherous waters but will make it through.

 

Tapping is another option. Have you heard of tapping/EFT? It can be a little froofy, for lack of a better word, but when I'm really in crisis mode, it can be a lifesaver! Brad Yates on YouTube has a ton of tapping videos where you tap acupressure points and say affirmations. I used to use tapping obsessively to try to escape unpleasant feelings and that's not ideal. But when things feel really intense and can't seem to surrender or get present, it's great to just take everything down a notch. I usually need about 10-15 minutes of tapping to feel a little bit more grounded and able to handle whatever is going on. Keep us updated. 

[Mia1]

1 hour ago, Greatful said:

I can say there has been a slight improvement in the  brain buzzing, still there but it must be duller at times because I can think a little clearer at times and I can forget about it at occasionally.   The left side of my face and eye is not as sore. (still there but not as sever) 

I’m really sorry you’re having a difficult time, I really feel for you. I do want to point out this part of your post and acknowledge with you that you are making progress and healing. Celebrate that today, even if it’s only 5 minutes doing something nice for yourself. And I love the mantra KLP mentioned “I’m healing at my own pace.” It’s so true.

 

1 hour ago, Greatful said:

How do you stop second guessing everything you do.  Is this me or is it the WD. or the meds that you are still taking, what is causing all this chaos in my brain and life.

 I think it’s normal to have these thoughts in w/d because it can be such a confusing time and there are so many changes being made to our brains while healing. Just be aware that they’re just thoughts and remind yourself that you’re going through w/d and everyday you are getting better. Even if you can’t feel it you really are getting better.

 

1 hour ago, Greatful said:

I am lucky I had a few extra lbs on me when all this started, so far have lost about 20lbs.  The nausea and no appetite make it hard to eat. I can feel hungry but it is hard to find something to eat.  Then I'm scared of what to eat.  So much is said on here about foods causing problems, so then I am wondering if I ate something wrong to make me so miserable or if it just a wave.

I lost a lot of weight when I ct’d MMJ. I just made sure I ate three small nutritious meals a day. I literally had to force myself to eat because I knew I needed the nutrition. Smoothies are a good idea because you can pack a lot of fruit and veggies in them. As long as you’re eating something and it’s healthy I wouldn’t worry about it. You will get your appetite back.

 

1 hour ago, Greatful said:

I don't know if it is better to force myself to do things that cause increased anxiety or to reassure myself to be patient that things will get better in time, and you will be able to go back to being around people.  What is right, what is wrong.  How hard do you push yourself and when do you back off.

I think it’s a balance. If you want to do something but feel afraid maybe pushing yourself is not a bad idea. But if you feel like you need to be alone and in peace and quiet then that’s okay too. This is a great time to start developing a relationship with your intuition. Sit with yourself and ask what is best for you, the answers will always be there. Just remember to be patient and kind to yourself, you really are healing and need extra TLC.

 

1 hour ago, Greatful said:

 

I know I'm whining but I need to let it out.  Staying strong and positive is a good and a must I know.  But stuffing the pain and not letting it out isn't good for you either.  I need to know that other people have tough times and I am not alone,  so I don't feel so weak when I lose hope.

You can still be strong and vent your feelings, it’s healthy!! And it is comforting to know that there are people out there who really understand what you are going through. You are never alone 💓

 

1 hour ago, Greatful said:

 

Oh I want to pass to looking at Michael Priebe's You tube "The lovely grind".  He has recovered from Paxil and xanax.

Definitely will check this out, thanks!!

[Greatful]

@Mia1 @KittenLePurr  Thank you both for all your support.

I am going to look up grounding and try EFT.   I do have a smoothie several times a week, I put yogurt in with fruit and sometimes spinach and/or kale.  Then I worry that maybe I am having to much dairy. UGH

I am concerned about the appetite,  I think the Lex is causing some of the problem.  I use to have the worst cravings for sweets.  Since the Lex that is gone.  I guess that part is good.  The lex will make my stomach feel sick and hungry at the same time.  Strange.  So as long as I am on the Lex I'm not sure my appetite will come back.

 

You guys are the best♥️

 

[Mia1]

22 minutes ago, Greatful said:

I do have a smoothie several times a week, I put yogurt in with fruit and sometimes spinach and/or kale.  Then I worry that maybe I am having to much dairy. UGH

I am concerned about the appetite,  I think the Lex is causing some of the problem.  I use to have the worst cravings for sweets.  Since the Lex that is gone.  I guess that part is good.  The lex will make my stomach feel sick and hungry at the same time.  Strange.  So as long as I am on the Lex I'm not sure my appetite will come back.

Have you tried non dairy options such as almond or oat milk? How about some low sodium soup options? I understand the concern but if you can manage to eat 2-3 meals a day your weight will start to stabilize where you won’t be losing anymore. And as hard as it may be to believe today you’re appetite will come back. 

[Greatful]

That is a good idea.  I think I will get some almond milk.  What kind of veggies would you use?

I will look at some soup.  With it being summer I don't usually think of soup unless we have a cool day.  Last week was hot.  I wonder if I should try a non-dairy yogurt?  Any other suggestion I could eat for lunch.  I can eat a deli sandwich but they say on here to cut out processed foods.  I would think fresh sliced turkey would be better than packaged lunch meat?  Have you cut out a lot of foods during WD?

Thanks so much for being there for me ❤️

[Mia1]

I primarily use spinach and kale for smoothies along with fruit but you can find countless recipes online. I also use a plant based protein powder.

Prior to w/d I ate healthy and exercised. So no processed food, caffeine and very low sugar. I cut dairy out altogether. I do find if I have just one cheat meal a week it will throw me into a wave so I have cut that out as well.

Some suggestions I have are vegetable frittata, cashew yogurt with fruit, oatmeal, chicken breast with steamed vegetables, broth when you feel nauseous with some crackers, avocado toast using Ezekiel bread and  2-3 pieces of fruit throughout the day. So low carb high vegetable, fruit and protein. This is what works for me.

I also recommend peppermint tea. It’s good for nausea, stomach upset and symptoms of anxiety. Drink a lot of water.

You’re doing really well with the exercise so keep that up!! Keep me posted, always here for you 💖

[Greatful]

@Mia1  Do you eat pasta or baked potatoes.  How far do you go when they say processed foods?  Do you use salad dressing.  I do have Ezekiel bread.  Is tuna a processed food?  I don't think I can cut cut out everything that is not totally not fresh.  Tonight we were going to have sausage ravioli with pasta sauce out of a jar, corn bread and broccoli.  We will have baked beans a lot when BBQ.  Man a person could go crazy trying to stay away from anything out of a jar or can🥵   Do you have a favorite brand of protein powder.  I really don't want to use soy.  I try to stay away from  GMO products.  Not always possible.

[Mia1]

The only foods I can think of that I eat out of a can/jar are low sodium soup and tomato sauce. I enjoy cooking so that helps a lot. As I said I ate this way before I was in w/d so it does make it much easier for me. We also eat primarily organic.

So I don’t eat pasta but will eat sweet potatoes or red potatoes, they have the most nutritional value. Just to give you an idea if it was me making your dinner I would be making vegan or chicken sausage, sweet potato and a mixed salad with oil and vinegar dressing, the only one I use. Or if you want pasta maybe get the one where they make it with only lentils or quinoa? There are healthy options. You just want to be careful with regular pasta, breads and salad dressings because of the carbs and sugar in them. And as you know this really does make a difference when we’re in w/d. 

So I don’t think you have to go crazy thinking of things, maybe just make some simple substitutions. What do you think?