How2FindJoy: Paxil Withdrawal after 27 Years - I lost my life and friends and unable to work

[How2FindJoy]

I came off of Paxil (last does was Oct. 2020). I was on it for 27 years and no psychiatrist ever thought to take me off of it. They just kept increasing the dose each time a major trauma happened in my life. I was ignorant and had no idea what this drug was doing the my mind and nervous system. I was on 40 Mg when I started to tritrate. The psychiatrist I was then seeing, said to cut the pills in half every two weeks and I would have no problem. The nightmare started around 7.5 mg. After I finished the last does, I stopped sleeping. I go for up to 11 nights (so far) without sleeping. I have been in a psych hospital 5 times where I was made to take more drugs or they wouldn't let me out. I have never been in a psych hospital before this. Those other drugs did not work (Remeron, Elavil, Olanzapine, Tradazaone, Benedryl, Melatonin, Seroquel, etc). They made me extremely anxious. After Paxil all drugs seem to have the opposite effect. I have seem numerous uncaring dismissive psychiatrists over the last 10 months. I was put on every benzo and they did not work. I took Xanax in the last 3 months and unintentionally od'd on it. I could not sleep and kept taking more. It made me so anxious and turned me into an emotional freak. I had to go into detox to get off of it. But, it was only 8 days, and they gave me phenobarbital which is still in my system. So many drugs in 10 months.

 

Today, I have regressed into a child. I have lost my motivation for life. I isolate and am agoraphobic now. I am embarrassed. My friends all abandoned me which makes sense since I am a wreck and they have their own lives. I have severe akathesia. My body vibrates, and then I sweat, I take to myself, very suicidal. I don't want to take any more drugs, but not sure how long I can take this torture. I am miserable each minute of each day and so sleep deprived. I have lost all joy and envious of all people. I live in a pity party and very self obsessed. All I think about is me and my misery. How could this have happened, and yet it did. And now everything I have tried can not get me back to stability. I feel hopeless and helpless. Therapists say I am too unstable (which I am), psychiatrists say they are at a loss and don't know how to help or they keep prescribing...and they all have a differing opinions (not one is on the same page and I have seen 8 psychiatrists in 10 months).

 

I am writing this, just to vent. It stopped me from crying and panicking for 10 minutes. I need support. I need people who understand the nightmare and torture I am experiencing. I live in a world of 100% negativity. Any advice would be appreciated.

Edited May 24, 2021 by Gridley

[Gridley]

Welcome to SA, HOW2FINDJOY.  We are a site for helping members to taper psychiatric drugs and to deal with withdrawal.  You are in the latter category.

 

Let me explain as best I can what has happened to you and to assure you that you will heal.  The vast majority of psychiatrists have no idea of safe tapering to get their patients off the drugs they prescribed for them. They also do not believe in the existence of severe withdrawal from antidepressants.  This is what they learn from the pharmaceutical  companies, which have little incentive to publicize the toxicity of the drugs they profit so handsomely from.  What psychiatrists typically do, as they did with you, is to misdiagnose withdrawal and throw more and more drugs at their patients, compounding the problem and then compounding the compounding.  It is no wonder the many psychiatrists you've seen are at a loss.  They do not see the elephant in the room--withdrawal--because they've been taught to believe it doesn't exist.  

 

The symptoms you describe are typical of psychiatric drug withdrawal, and these symptoms appear regularly in the posts by members of this site. Your doctor tapered you off Paxil--on of the most difficult antidepressants to get off--far too fast, putting you at great risk of withdrawal, and that's what happened.  Insomnia is one of the common withdrawal symptoms.  Mine has improved with time.  

 

Your nervous is system is extremely sensitized and dysregulated, caused by the extremely fast Paxil taper and from all the other drugs that were thrown at you, and it is, again, little wonder, that all these drugs are having an opposite (or as it is called, paradoxical) effect.  Further psychiatric drugs will further exacerbate the problem.  Your system needs a rest so it can heal.  And it will heal.  It will take time, and we can't predict how much time.  But it is our experience on this site, after working with thousands of people damaged like you by these drugs, that the damage is not permanent.

 

The U.K. psychiatric authorities are a good bit ahead of their American counterparts, and they recently revised their guidelines to admit, for the first time, the severity and prevalence and psychiatric drug withdrawal.  Do not expect your psychiatrists to agree with or even be aware of these guidelines, which contradict the American guidelines that withdrawal, if experienced, is brief and mild.

UK's NICE health guidelines now caution about severe and ...

The amendments are in line with a position statement released by the Royal College of Psychiatrists (RCPsych) in May 2019.  Here's an article on why they wrote the statement. 

 

Psychiatry’s Top Experts Acknowledge Lasting Harms of Antidepressant Withdrawal

 

You may find this thread helpful, from the Journals section:

 

Papers about prolonged antidepressant withdrawal syndrome

 

You may also want to get a copy of this book. Robert Whitaker's writings come highly recommended here: 

 

Anatomy of an Epidemic

 

Here is the book trailer video for Whitaker's book: 

 

Robert Whitaker, author Anatomy of an Epidemic video (11.5 minutes)

 

Before you meet with any future doctors, you may want to go through this thread:

 

How do you talk to a doctor about tapering and withdrawal?

 

So that you have a better understanding of what you're experiencing here is some information on withdrawal and the healing process.

 

What is withdrawal syndrome.

 

Daily Checklist of Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms (PDF) 

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

When we take psychiatric medications, the CNS (central nervous system) responds by making changes over the months and years we take the drug(s). When the medication is discontinued, the CNS has to undo all the changes it made. Rebuilding the neurotransmitter production and reactivating the receptor and transporter cells takes time -- during that rebuilding process symptoms occur.  

 

These explain the healing process really well.

 

Brain Remodelling 

 

Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

We don't recommend a lot of supplements on SA, as many members report being sensitive to them due to our over-reactive nervous systems, but two supplements that we do recommend are magnesium and omega 3 (fish oil). Many people find these to be calming to the nervous system. 

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker 

 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) 

 

Add in one at a time and at a low dose in case you do experience problems. Get supplements that are single ingredient (not mixed with other types of supplements).

 

If you're up to it--To give members the best information, we ask them to summarize their medication history in a signature -- drugs, doses, dates, and discontinuations & reinstatements, in the last 12-24 months particularly.  If you've forgotten some drugs or doses, just do the best you can.

 

Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature.

 

This is your Introduction topic, where you can complete your drug signature, ask questions and connect with other members.  We're glad you found your way here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited May 24, 2021 by Gridley

[How2FindJoy]

Paxil protracted withdrawal (need support)

 

I came off Paxil in seven months. Based on the psychiatrists recommendation after being on it for 27 years. I started out on 10 mg then quickly went to 15 mg for about 17 years, then I had what I thought to be a breakdown and the psychiatrist upped it to 20 mg. Then I had a stroke about 6 1/2 years ago and I was put on 30 mg because he said I would be too depressed after the stroke. And then I had another crisis about four years ago and he upped it to 40 mg. About 20 months ago it stopped working. My chest was tight I was crying all the time and the Psychiatrist said I could come off of it no problem just cut the pills in half. After coming off of Paxil life disintegrated completely. I stopped sleeping immediately. I’ve been crying every day for almost 12 months. It’s not just crying and screaming. I’m so full of fear and panic. I vibrate. I don’t sleep at all. I feel like there’s somebody else in my brain controlling me. I’m stuck in a gear that can’t be shifted and it’s very childlike. I feel like I’ll never come back to me. I’ve been hospitalized five times since coming off of Paxil. This is the first time ever. They polydrug me. They gave me two other antidepressants. I tried 3 ketamine sessions which almost killed me, I was put on every benzo because I could not sleep,  I was given antipsychotics and mood stabilizers. No drugs after Paxil worked and turns out I appear to be drug resistant. I have severe akathisia. I definitely have protracted withdrawal symptoms. I am sorry I don’t have my signature complete. I’ve been on so many drugs for so long that it is completely overwhelming to do it. Because I suffer from complete overwhelm with every little thing after coming off of stupid drug.  I fear I’m never going to be normal again. I’ve been off of all drugs for three months. Off of Paxil for 11 months.Not sure if all the poly drugging affected the paxil withdrawal. All I know is I’m miserable and I just don’t want to be here. I can’t find the old me. She doesn’t exist and I fear that I’m brain damaged. I also cannot be alone. I have complete separation anxiety and fear when no one‘s around. I didn’t used to be like this. I basically agoraphobic. I don’t want people to look at me or see me. I’ve lost so much weight and my hair is falling out. I’ve aged so much. I don’t even feel like a human being. I’m not a human being. I just wanna know if there’s any hope. I’m not even sure how to post on this site. I just am trying to figure out how to get some answers here. Thank you.

 

Edited October 25, 2021 by ChessieCat
added topic title before merging with intro topic

[Go2zero]

Hello How2findjoy,

 

Welcome to this support site. I am sorry to read how you are suffering from withdrawal from Paxil.

 

Before we can answer your questions, please give us more information first. I understand from your post this is difficult for you, but we really need your drug history. Especially over the last 2 years as much as possible in detail

 

Please read the link below for instructions.  This will allow us to give you the best guidance.  

 

How to List Drug History in Signature

 

Please understand that Paxil is one of the most difficult SSRI's to stop. You stopped very fast without real tapering. Lots of us have made such mistakes, since we did not knew how to taper. And most doctors don't know either and advice us wrong. So do not feel guilty about it. You are not guilty!

 

And the good news is: You will heal!     But it takes time and discipline!

 

 

[How2FindJoy]

Paxil Benzo polydrugged and kindled: having a difficult time

 

I am having a hard time. I was cold turkey'd off of paxil and benzos. 27 years on them. Polydrugged and kindled after. got desperate after 5 months of no drugs and was tried 5 additional drugs. Now 3 weeks off. I have not sleep in 15 months. The insomnia is getting so bad. Been weeks as of today without sleep. I have a numb head, adhedonia, DP/DR, agorophobia, vibrating, pacing....an overall loss of self. I am not me. I am not sure if this is permanent damage. I am 58 yrs old with so much trauma. I feel like i need to die cause how can such a damaged human ever heal at this age after being on these drugs for so long. I am so scared. I am afraid to die. I have always lived in fear. It started in childhood. I can do nothing during the days. I look at the clock and beg for mercy. I am incapacitated. I live alone. I am helpless and hopeless. I am overstimulated and overwhelmed by everything. I cry every day. My hair is almost gone. My teeth are destroyed. I cracked a molar and had to have it removed, I have lost 70 pounds. I am getting worse instead of better. Is there any hope?

 

Edited October 25, 2021 by ChessieCat
added topic title before merging with intro topic

[ThatOneGirlStitch]

@How2FindJoy

checking in. Let me know how you are. Sounds like you’re in bad acute stage from your last post. Is there hope? Yes. As someone else mentioned on here age doesn’t mean you won’t heal. Honestly it seems completely random. Some people are a deaths door before they get better. I’m sorry your scared. Fear and lack of identity are horrible. I will keep you in my prayers.

[JesusSavemefromWD]

On 10/25/2021 at 6:20 PM, How2FindJoy said:

Paxil Benzo polydrugged and kindled: having a difficult time

 

I am having a hard time. I was cold turkey'd off of paxil and benzos. 27 years on them. Polydrugged and kindled after. got desperate after 5 months of no drugs and was tried 5 additional drugs. Now 3 weeks off. I have not sleep in 15 months. The insomnia is getting so bad. Been weeks as of today without sleep. I have a numb head, adhedonia, DP/DR, agorophobia, vibrating, pacing....an overall loss of self. I am not me. I am not sure if this is permanent damage. I am 58 yrs old with so much trauma. I feel like i need to die cause how can such a damaged human ever heal at this age after being on these drugs for so long. I am so scared. I am afraid to die. I have always lived in fear. It started in childhood. I can do nothing during the days. I look at the clock and beg for mercy. I am incapacitated. I live alone. I am helpless and hopeless. I am overstimulated and overwhelmed by everything. I cry every day. My hair is almost gone. My teeth are destroyed. I cracked a molar and had to have it removed, I have lost 70 pounds. I am getting worse instead of better. Is there any hope?

 

I am so sorry your doctor took you off Paxil fast, it’s his fault you feel like that. If you read this side you will see people recover from this but it takes time. How are you doing now? Has your sleep improved at all? I ll include you in my prayers…

[Mike8989]

Hi guys,

 

I'm looking for people's previous experiences on this barbaric drug.

 

Long story short I tapered too hard from 50mg per day to 0mg over a 3 month period.

 

Reinstated to 20mg because I couldn't function and every symptom went, apart from one. CONSTANT NAUSEA. 

 

I have felt sick everyday since July 2020 without a day's break.... the dizziness, vertigo, shaking went but not the above.

 

Do we think that this is still withdrawals or anxiety underneath the surface.

 

I don't feel anxious, but I'm always agitated/irritated in my own skin but not scared on doing things.....

 

The constant prevents me from enjoying anything now and my life is on hold.

 

I'm happy to start taking medication again but as i said i would really relish fellow people's opinions on whether this is withdrawals or anxiety....

 

Thanks in advance.

 

Mike