Sunflower414: medicated at age 7, now 27

[Sunflower414]

Hi all. I’m thankful I came across this group. 
 

Wow - where to begin... well, at age 7 I was given Paxil and 20 years later I am still on it. 
 

Throughout the 20 years I have tried ever SSRI and SNRI on the planet. I was given Valium and after five years by the grace of God somehow tapered off it myself. 
 

In the past 2 years I was put on effexor, pristiq, viibryd, lexapro, celexa, prozac, and landed back on 20mg Paxil. 
 

Four months ago I lowered by dosage to 15mg and it has been pure hell. Suicidal thoughts which I have never had, super strange thoughts, terror like I cannot explain. 
 

Reading your success stories on here gives me hope.

 

 

How long should I hold at 15mg before continuing to do a 5-10% taper? How did you all manage to work during this time? With being put on these drugs at such a young age — is it possible to heal, or am I permanently damaged? How do you let

go of your anger regarding this situation. I didn’t choose to take these meds. 
 

Much love, 

Sunflower414

[Erell]

Hello @Sunflower414

 

Thank you for your signature.

 

I'm running out of time, another member will welcome you properly later.

 

However, I wanted to post a quick message to let you know that Yes, even people who started meds at a young age can heal ☺

 

Here are two examples to start :

 

1. ten0275 : this member started psychdrugs in first grade and is now living a happy drugfree life and wrote a beautiful Success Story.

 

2. julia955-healing-and-happiness-is-possible : this member started SSRI at 5 years old and wrote a beautiful Success Story too.

 

See you later ☀️

 

Edited May 30, 2021 by Erell

[getofflex]

Hello, and welcome to SA.  We are a peer owned and run forum of people who have been or are getting off of psychiatric drugs.  Congratulations for getting off the Valium successfully!  That is a big accomplishment.  

 

So you reduced your Paxil from 20 mg to 15 mg at the end of January 2021?  If yes please add a more specific date (end of Jan) to the drug sig so other mods can see.  Thank you.  It sounds like you are in withdrawal from making a 25% decrease of your drug.  We at SA suggest no more than a 10% taper of the current dose for a minimum of 4 weeks.  Your system could be sensitized due to all the changes you have made to your drugs in the past several years.  If it were me, I would stay on my current dose of 15 mg for a good several months (at least) before making any more changes.  You system is crying out for stability.  Each time we change drugs or dosages, it tends to throw our nervous system into disequilibrium.  

 

Here is some information about how these drugs actually work.  This will help you understand why you have withdrawal symptoms when you taper off. 

 

How Psychiatric Drugs Remodel Your Brain

 

 

This helps you understand what withdrawal syndrome is: 

 

 Video on Recovery from Psych Drugs

 

What is Withdrawal Syndrome?

 

Tapering is best done extremely slowly, and we taper by 10% of the current dose, so that the taper becomes exponentially smaller.

 

 Why Taper by 10% of my Dosage  

 

Tips for Tapering Paxil

 

 

 

Also, as we are recovering, we suggest keeping things slow, simple, and stable. This is extremely important. 

 

Considerations About Stability Stop Jumping Around

 

Keep it Simple, Slow, and Stable

 

 

When we recover, there are times of feeling OK mixed in with times of feeling bad.  This is called windows and waves.

 

Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

Here are some techniques to cope with symptoms: 

 

Non Drug Ways to Cope with Withdrawal Symptoms

 

 

We don't suggest many supplements, but 2 that many of us find helpful are magnesium and omega-3 fish oil. Here are the links for info about those. It is suggested to add one at a time, and start with a low dose to see how it affects you. 

Magnesium

 

Omega 3 Fish Oil

 

Yes, it is absolutely possible to heal.  You are young, and that is a big plus. I've given you quite a bit of information here.  Please read through it, and mull it over, and we will take it from there. In the meantime, take care of yourself, and take heart.  We in this forum have been through this, and we understand first hand the pain and discomfort you are going through.  Please know that the brain is amazing in it's healing abilities.  It takes time, but healing can and will happen. 

Edited May 31, 2021 by getofflex

[Toast]

@Sunflower414, wanted to stop by to say hello and send support and well wishes. Please take care of yourself! You will heal, but it may be a bit of a journey (as I have discovered for my own self!) Please keep us posted on how you're doing

 

Sending love ❤️ 

[Greatful]

    

   @Sunflower414

 

 Hi Sunflower414, I wanted to drop in a hello.  I to have recently joined SA. I am also in WD from trying to taper off of Prozac last summer and crashed, didn't know it was WD of course my doctor didn't either, and we started the let's try  this med and this med.  Start, stop  ect.,  landed on Lexapro.  Horrible side effects, but doc said go up to 10mg. Well I couldn't take the side effect and fast taper to 5mg.  By that time I was on it for a month. Now I have WD from several drugs and side effects from Lexapro.  I was advised to hold and try to stabilize. I will be following you, hopefully we can support each through this journey 

[Sunflower414]

Hi all.

 

 

still on 15mg Paxil. Had five “okay” days and seem to be back in a wave. 
 

my question is - when do I begin to continue my taper? I have held this dose for 4 months, but before this, had a rapid taper of effexor and then tried 8 meds in 4 months. I don’t seem to be “stabilized” however want to be off these meds as quick as possible (don’t we all?) but don’t want to cause more issues. 
 

thank you everyone 

[getofflex]

On 6/10/2021 at 6:13 PM, Sunflower414 said:

I don’t seem to be “stabilized” however want to be off these meds as quick as possible (don’t we all?) but don’t want to cause more issues. 

It is important to wait until you stabilize before you do another dose reduction.  Rushing the taper won't get you off the med quicker, and it can actually prolong your withdrawal.  Here is a link about that:  

 

Too Fast Tapers

 

Also, being stable does not mean a complete lack of any symptoms.  It means that the symptoms are bearable, and they are pretty much the same from day to day.  Here is a link about what is stability: 

 

Stability

 

On 6/10/2021 at 6:13 PM, Sunflower414 said:

Had five “okay” days and seem to be back in a wave.

This indicates to me that you are not yet stable.  Please continue to hold on the 15 mg until you feel stable.  

 

Once you feel stable, and not before, I suggest you drop your dose from 15 mg to 13.5 mg. You may feel some symptoms.  When you do, let us know what they are. Please refer to the link above in my previous post "Tips for Tapering Paxil" on how to measure odd doses.  Then, stay on this precise dose, each and every day, at the same time each day, for at least 4 weeks.  Hopefully, within this time frame, you will stabilize.  Keep us posted on how you are doing.  

[Sunflower414]

Thank you for your suggestion. I am now on 15mg of Paxil for 20 weeks and still suffering. Is this normal? 
 

I also had an emergency root canal. Is dental work in anyway related to withdrawal? 
 

how did you all find the hope and motivation to keep going through this process? 

[getofflex]

38 minutes ago, Sunflower414 said:

I am now on 15mg of Paxil for 20 weeks and still suffering. Is this normal? 

I'm afraid that this is very common. This is why we suggest a taper of no more than 10% of one's current dose.  Your decrease was 25%.  Our nervous systems are very complex, and it can take months for them to stabilize.  

 

Yes, the root canal could influence withdrawal.  The drugs used during or after that can cause problems with an already sensitive nervous system, which most of us in WD have.  Here is a link wherre people talk about this: 

 

Denta Surgery Etc.

 

Please check out the success stories.  Go to the home page, and they are about halfway down.  These gave me a lot of hope and encouragement when I was in the throes of WD. 

 

[Hanna72]

Hi @Sunflower414
Wanted to welcome you. Glad you found this site.

On 6/10/2021 at 11:13 PM, Sunflower414 said:

however want to be off these meds as quick as possible (don’t we all?)

We all get it and desperately want off. The key is to go slowly.
Some one said here that slow taper will actually be faster in the long run.

2 hours ago, Sunflower414 said:

how did you all find the hope and motivation to keep going through this process? 

As getofflex suggested read up on the success stories in here, they give us all hope and motivation. 
This site has helped me tremendously, the support and guidance on here is priceless. 
We all have the same common goal, to be drug free, and we will with time and patience.

If I were you I would read through this forum, it has so much information, and also practice using coping skills. Everything plays together in reaching the goal. It’s hard work, but in the end we will be rewarded with freedom from these drugs.

 

My best wishes to you.
 

[Sunflower414]

Does anyone actually NEED these meds? Is there a point of “no return” like you’ve been on them so long and at such a young age you cannot heal?

[Hanna72]

@Sunflower414

9 minutes ago, Sunflower414 said:

Does anyone actually NEED these meds

I can only express my own opinion on this, and for me, no I did not need Paxil when I was put on it. I was told I had chemical imbalance ( cause of couple of panic attacks) which had to be fixed with drugs. 
 

 

12 minutes ago, Sunflower414 said:

Is there a point of “no return” like you’ve been on them so long and at such a young age you cannot heal?

Listen, I refuse to believe that there is no return. I believe we will all heal. Yes there have been times which I loose hope and doubt myself. But I choose to have faith and I see so many testimonies of people that have success. That’s what keeps me hanging on, and you are no exception even though you started at a young age. 
If you read up on how remarkable our bodies and brains are and it’s a capability to heal and return to its natural state, you will be amazed.

Have faith, don’t over analyse this, take it one day at a time, and take good care of yourself.

You are not alone, we are right there with you.

[Sunflower414]

Thanks everyone for your responses. 
 

I am 20 weeks on 15mg from 20mg. Doing awful still. Trying to decide if I should reinstate or keep waiting. I did read all the info on reinstatement and I’m worried since it’s been 20 weeks that it may not be a good idea 

[getofflex]

Hello @Sunflower414.  If it were me, I would try and tough it out.  It is tempting to want to change your dose when you feel bad, hoping that it will help.  But oftentimes this can make a bad situation worse.  It is a crap shoot.  Please read this: 

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/24836-considerations-about-stability-stop-jumping-around/?do=findComment&comment=536724

 

 

There are non drug things you can do to help yourself.  Here are some that helped me: 

 

• distract myself from the pain of withdrawal by doing easy simple tasks with my hands - knitting, sewing, preparing simple foods, puttering around in the garden, taking a slow gentle walk, etc.  You can get simple round knitting looms at the craft store and make hats to donate to homeless shelters.  Sometimes I would just sit outside in the shade and look at the birds, trees, and sky.  Try not to focus on how badly you feel. 
• bear in mind that going through pain makes us stronger, deeper, and wiser people on the inside.  You will have an inner strength when you come out of this that will serve you and others well in the future. 
• keep it in perspective -  remember all the people who have it worse than us - people with terminal cancer, people who have been forced into slavery, etc.  
• try radical acceptance.  This takes away the additional pain and stress of trying so hard to fight your condition:  https://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/radical_acceptance_text.html. You can still have inner peace, even when you feel bad. 
• slow down, and just do the minimum amount of activities that you need to do to survive.  
• listen to calming, peaceful music at low volume.  This often helps me go to sleep when I have insomnia.  
• prayer, meditation, bible reading, etc. This can be very powerful.  
• read some of the success stories.  Go to the homepage here, and they are about halfway down. 

 

Hang in there, eventually this will come to an end.  Check out some of the other non drug coping techniques - I have a link in my first post.  

Edited June 18, 2021 by getofflex

[Sunflower414]

Hi all, 

 

thanks for the support and encouragement thus far. I have been on meds since I was 7, now 27 on and off. I tapered myself off of 1mg Xanax Er about 2 years ago. Since then it’s been a sh** show. 
 

I was put on effexor for 6 months and tapered off in 2 weeks. Tried lexapro, Prozac, celexa, pristiq, viibryd, and who knows what else for 8 months which was about this past December. Ended up on 20mg of Paxil. 
 

I lowered my dosage from 20mg - 15mg in a month thinking that was slow (now I know it wasn’t). For 20 weeks now I have been having the following symptoms:

 

- awful thoughts (weird stuff like I should stick my hand in the garbage disposal, etc..) 

- suicidal thoughts which I’ve never had 

- feeling like I’m crawling out of my skin 

- crying for hours 

- no enjoyment in anything, no interest 

- panic attacks that are more like terror than I’ve ever experienced 

- cannot go to work 

- barely can make it to the store / family functions 

- bad dreams 

 

 

is this normal for being 20 weeks on this dosage? I have never experienced anything like this. I’m beginning to worry this is permanent or that I need to take a medication. It’s really scary. 
 

thank you all for reading

[getofflex]

Previous post moved to your intro topic to keep your history all in one place.  Please post questions and discussion about your situation in this one thread, to avoid confusion and duplication of efforts.  Thank you.  

[getofflex]

 

15 hours ago, Sunflower414 said:

I was put on effexor for 6 months and tapered off in 2 weeks. Tried lexapro, Prozac, celexa, pristiq, viibryd, and who knows what else for 8 months which was about this past December. Ended up on 20mg of Paxil. 

@Sunflower414I'm really sorry you are in this predicament.  It could be that the cumulative effect of the various drugs you were on fairly recently is still at play here.  Our nervous systems are very complex, and they take a long time to heal.  The more psychotropic drugs we've been on, the more it tends to affect us.   

 

I'm bringing this to the attention of the staff, and one of us will give you specific guidance soon.  Please hang in there.  In the meantime, don't make any changes to your drugs.   

[brassmonkey]

Hi Sunflower414-- Getofflex has asked for some help.

 

Was all this prescribing done by the same doctor? If so you need a new one as this one's lack of knowledge is very dangerous and he needs his license revoked.

 

I added it up from your signature and you have made around 20 major drug changes in the past 21 years. Each one of which can cause a lot of trouble. What you are feeling now is the combined effects of all those changes. Your body is screaming out for stability. I would not make any changes in drugs or dosage for the foreseeable future. It is going to take some time for your body to sort things out and  stabilize, but it will. Once it has then you can consider carefully tapering off of the paxil.

 

The list of symptoms you describe are all quite common, upsetting but common, and should decrease in strength as you stabilize. The path to stability is going to be long, bumpy and quite frustrating at times, but stability does happen.  We have had a number of members in similar situations and they are all recovering.  There is a lot of information on the site about dealing with symptoms, coping techniques and the like. Getofflex has already given you some good links.

 

Some of the symptoms can be pretty scary, especially the ones about self-harming, violence to others and the fear that it will never get better.  Been there, done that and survived. These are all being caused by the drug and are no reflection of your actual beliefs. By using the techniques we recommend they can be minimized and controlled.

 

I'm sorry that you have found yourself in this situation, but we are here to help and things will get better.

[Sunflower414]

Thanks for your reply. 
 

some of the meds I was on for under 2-4 weeks. Can they still cause such bad side effects? 
 

When do I know when I’m ready to taper the Paxil? Thanks for your reply 

[getofflex]

41 minutes ago, Sunflower414 said:

some of the meds I was on for under 2-4 weeks. Can they still cause such bad side effects? 
 

Yes, they can.  These drugs are powerful.  See this thread: 

 

But I Only Took it For a Week

 

44 minutes ago, Sunflower414 said:

When do I know when I’m ready to taper the Paxil?

 

Like @brassmonkeysaid, you will need to be very very patient at this time.  Rushing things will only worsen your situation, and it could very well make your recovery take even longer.  Rushing the taper will NOT make your recovery shorter.  It could take a good number of months to reach stability.  But, you are young, and have many many years ahead of you.  Frankly I'm broken hearted that some "doctor" put you on these meds at age 7.   

 

There is a lot of information in this thread, but I believe if you read all of carefully and slowly, it will shed light on a. lot of things, and help you quite bit.  Especially pay attention to item # 8 "Cold Turkey and Too Fast Tapers"

 

Are We There Yet, How Long is Withdrawal Going to Take

[Sunflower414]

Thank you all for taking the time to listen and help - it really means the world to me. 
 

yes. I am having a lot of emotions thinking about being medicated so young and for so long. I’m not sure how to handle all the anger and sadness I feel. 
 

my last question would be, how do I know when I’m ready to begin the Paxil taper? Even on medication I have always struggled so I’m not sure what my baseline or stable point really is considering all the memories I have —- I was on meds. 

[getofflex]

Please refer to the link above "Are we there yet". there is a post about stability.  That will tell you what you need to know about when to begin your taper.  It's all about listening to your body.  

 

Here is a link about neuro emotions. I can't blame you at all for feeling angry and sad.  It is normal to feel this way when you've been through what you have.  

 

Neuro Emotions

 

 

[herenow]

I was put on AD's for only a short time but found out that my system is very sensitive to these meds, and I had a lot of changes within a year that made things quite difficult. I had many symptoms that you're talking about. I still have young children at home and am a divorced mom, so I had to factor some of that in. i worked hard for stability after cutting meds too quickly and experiencing a lot of withdrawal symptoms. I finally stopped caring how long it was going to take me to get off. I decided if it took me until retirement age  (and I was 43 at the time and I'm 49 now), then so be it.  That helped with me panicking on how long it would take to get off the meds.

 

So with that, I actually haven't cut my dose for 2 years , I think, maybe more. And I had started on about 3 mg of Paxil and somewhere around 7.5 of mirtazapine. It was all the other ones from the year before that though that started my problems. So not having cut my dose for two years, I have stabilized my life greatly. I've taken on some new work. I'm supporting myself. I've been able to care for my sweet grandson for the last couple of years full time while his mother got out of a domestic violence situation. I've handled stressful situations that would've had me curled up in a ball crying and shaking 6 years ago because of how activated my nervous system was. That doesn't mean I haven't had some bumps. I  finally figured out I can't drink coffee because withdrawal from that for me is really bad. And I've had to deal with that a couple of times in the last few years until I figured it out. So, hang in there!

 

Also, I just finally made a cut in my dose of Paxil after two years. I went from 1.1 to 1.0. I'll soon have to start mixing it with water and measure doses that way to make smaller cuts for the next part. I've had some small symptoms over the last 2 months since I made that cut but I've managed. Nothing as terrible as what I went through before. I still have 2.5 mg of MIrtazapine that I will eventually cut as well. So hang in there. My med journey started in 2014, though I had tried a couple meds before then, but the difficulty and the polydrug and withdrawal started in 2014. And with all that being said, this site has been a wonderful support! The people on here are great, and the moderators give great information and advice.

[Altostrata]

Hello, @Sunflower414

 

Has there been any change in your symptoms over the last 2 months? How did the root canal affect your symptom pattern?

 

How's your sleep?

[Sunflower414]

Hi @Altostrata

 

i sleep too much. Some days I can sleep 15+ hours and Still be exhausted. 
 

these past 2 months have been pretty steadily horrible. I had a week where I felt ok then after the root canal and antibiotics it seemed to all come rushing back. Unfortunately I go back in tomorrow as the root canal is taking 4 whole appointments to finish.

[Altostrata]

What drugs does the dentist use in your root canal? Are epinephrine injections involved? This can cause activation when people are sensitized by withdrawal syndrome. Are you also taking antibiotics?

[Sunflower414]

@Altostrata I’m not sure - I will have to ask. Also no more antibiotics thank god!

[Toast]

Hi @Sunflower414, 

 

Hope you are doing okay. In terms of knowing when and how much to taper by, this is tough to know! But there are definitely a lot of resources on this website to help you figure out what will be best for you. Slow is better! Especially given the symptoms you mention you are experiencing. And it's okay to reinstate a little! I ended up having to do that in my taper. But the moderators are right that stability is probably most important, and also sometimes people do have adverse reactions upon reinstating. 

 

My heart goes out to you that you were put on meds at age 7. I also was put on meds as a child - at age 11. It may be a rough road but I will be cheering you on. I believe we can get through this, but please take care of yourself along the way. 

 

Peace and healing to you ❤️ 

[Greatful]

@Sunflower414

Hi I wanted to stop by and say hang in there. I am sorry you are having such a hard time.  You have put a lot of time in, I hope it will let up soon for you. 

  I can say all the med changes in such a short time can make  a mess out of your cns.  It did to mine and I am trying to stabilize.  Patience is a hard one for me also.  I want off these meds.  

Unfortunately time is what we need to heal. 

You are stronger then you think.

You will make it through this.

[getofflex]

@Sunflower414How are you doing these days?  I'm thinking of you.  

[Greatful]

@sunflower  How are you doing?  It has been pretty quite over here.

[Sunflower414]

Hi there — thanks for checking in. I am still on 15mg. Sleeping a ton. Trying to keep going. 
 

how are you?

[getofflex]

I'm glad to hear from you.  I'm glad you are able to sleep - sleep is healing.  Are you gradually improving?  

[Sunflower414]

You are so sweet! I think I am slightly better. Still having intrusive thoughts feeling not real etc. but it’s a little better. Five months on this dose so I’m getting antsy to feel better! also praying that I will eventually heal. Very worried this is the new me after being on the meds since I was 7. I’m trying to decide if I should try to work this year or focus on getting off meds. 🙏🏻 how are you?

[Greatful]

@Sunflower414  I can relate to not feeling real.  For me it's like I am not apart of the world,  Disconnected.  I will feel like okay I am here then the disconnect takes over again and I try so hard to connect back.  Finally I realized that this is W/D and there is now way to fight this.  Try to say okay for now I am disconnected and try not to focus on it.  Tough though.

 How is it for you?

 

You will heal.  I still can't believe they put  7 year old on any ssri.  Us long timers on meds just might have to be a little more patient.  But we will heal.

3 hours ago, Sunflower414 said:

I’m trying to decide if I should try to work this year or focus on getting off meds

Some people like having a schedule, but if you are struggling and working would only add to your stress, making it hard for your recovery,  Take the time off.  I am leaning towards going on FMLA in the fall for a little while.  I work in the high school food service.  I have been lucky to have the summer off.  When I was in the height off W/D and was called back to work mid February, ct'd  Seroquel in March it was a nightmare.  I am not going to put myself through that again. 

 

Thanks for letting us know you are okay and hanging in there☺️

[Sunflower414]

Wow I’m also a teacher so thankful for the summers off! Yes — I may go back and if it’s making things worse take a leave. I appreciate you am sharing your feelings and thoughts with me. It’s good to know I’m not alone! 
 

yes I was 7 — I can’t believe they put me on them either. I am trying to let go of that anger now as it was taking over my life for a long while. 
 

how long were you on meds? Are you still tapering? If you’ve already told me I apologize but my memory is not working correctly, lol