Sunflower414: medicated at age 7, now 27

[Sunflower414]

On 9/9/2021 at 4:35 PM, Greatful said:

@Sunflower414  How are you doing?  

thank you for all of this. I have been on a terrible state for over a year so these past few days I think it all has caught up to me. I have been in bed a lot. And while feeling sorry for myself isn’t helpful, it’s what I’ve been doing. A lot of crying. 
 

I recently met with a “withdrawal specialist” after taking all the supplements she suggested and spending hundreds of dollars. Since they aren’t helping me and I haven’t stabilized in 8 months she is convinced something else is wrong with me. She suggested taking a new medication.

 

I am very depressed which has never been a thing I struggle with. Wondering why I was put on at 7 years old, why am I not stabilizing or getting better. How did I go from running marathons and being a full time teacher to barely being able to brush my teeth. It’s all very awful.

 

I often think I need to check myself into a hospital because of my feelings of not wanting to go on, but I know they will just give me more meds. But maybe that’s what I need? I am at a loss. 
 

Thank you for your kindness and always checking on me. It means more than you know. 
 

how are you holding up?

[getofflex]

@Sunflower414, if it were me, I would not allow anyone to put me back on psych meds or anything that affects the central nervous system.  As bad as this is for you, that could possibly make things worse. You've been on a drug merry go round for most of your life, so that is why it is taking so long to recover.  We have another member in here - greenjoe04.  Back in March, he was mostly bedridden, and hopeless and convinced he would never recover from AD WD.  He is now doing much better!  Go check out his thread.  

 

Greenjoe04 - Citalopram and Modanifil Cold Turkey

 

1 hour ago, Sunflower414 said:

I am very depressed which has never been a thing I struggle with. Wondering why I was put on at 7 years old, why am I not stabilizing or getting better. How did I go from running marathons and being a full time teacher to barely being able to brush my teeth. It’s all very awful.

What you are calling depression may very well be grief from all the years on these meds.  I, too, am sad that you were put on these drugs at such a tender young age.  

 

1 hour ago, Sunflower414 said:

I often think I need to check myself into a hospital because of my feelings of not wanting to go on, but I know they will just give me more meds. But maybe that’s what I need? I am at a loss. 

You are right, they would just give you more meds, and you would be back on that merry go round.  It is very common to have the feeling not wanting to go on, because this WD is a long, grueling process.  

 

Here is a thread that talks about how long withdrawal can take.  

 

How Long Withdrawal Could Take

 

Also, try reading some of the success stories - the forum is about halfway down on the home page. I'm praying for you.  

Edited September 14, 2021 by getofflex

[getofflex]

Here is a link that may help as well:  

 

For Those Who are Feeling Desperate and as if They Can't Go On.

[Greatful]

@Sunflower414 

 

I wish I had the answers to your questions.  I really think you can heal, many have.  Your brain is not broken.  

@Mia1 is a great inspiration and has been through it all.  Reach out to her.  She has been helping me with coping skills and has basically been the glue that has kept me together.  Remember you are not alone.   Reach out and ask for help, even if it is just a ear you need to hear your pain and frustration, we all struggle with WD.  Many many members have different resources that may be helpful to you. 

 

1 hour ago, Sunflower414 said:

I recently met with a “withdrawal specialist” after taking all the supplements she suggested and spending hundreds of dollars. Since they aren’t helping me and I haven’t stabilized in 8 months she is convinced something else is wrong with me.

When did you do this?  If it is recent, all the supplements could have made things worse.  There are several members that have tried this route and ended up with worse symptoms.

1 hour ago, Sunflower414 said:

all has caught up to me. I have been in bed a lot. And while feeling sorry for myself isn’t helpful, it’s what I’ve been doing. A lot of crying. 

I am so sorry that you are in so much pain.  This is a very hard road to travel.  I know that you can do it, you will have to find the will power to find out how......It is okay to get sad and feel overwhelmed for a short time, then pick yourself back up and go on another day.  Believe me, I know this isn't easy.  I go through some pretty scary patches.  

 

Are you using any coping skills?  Our thoughts can be very powerful and seem so true.  But they are not.  It is hard to dismiss the negative thoughts, but remember they are just thoughts and really can't hurt you.  You have the power to change those thoughts bit by bit.  I struggle with negative thinking most of the time.  I am working on not believing in them and that I can do this one day at a time. Again Mia1 is teaching how much control we give over to our thoughts and it really is our choice.  She is really gifted with the ability to explain things.

 

You still are on 15mg Paxil right.  Did it poop out and that is why you were trying all the different drugs?  Were you on Paxil or another drug since you were 7?

I do know that if you truly were depressed  the 15mg of Paxil should be helping you out.

These drugs have been know to produce depressive, anxiety ,and a host of other symptoms.  Sometimes I wonder if my drugs were actually causing problems over time, I feel like I was slowly going down hill.  I hope to find out when I am med free if my restlessness is actually akathisia, or if my drugs gave me D/R and a host of other brain issues.

 

It is really had for me to believe that  a 7 year old child needed to be on Paxil.  Did your mother ever tell you why you had to go on it?

 

 Have you read any books on how much these drugs are abused and over prescribed?

Here is a forum that might help you find some books that might be able to answer some of your questions

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/6547-recommended-books-on-antidepressant-withdrawal/

 

I can assure  you that a lot of people are going through a rough patch right now.  I wonder if the season change is affecting people.  

Let's brain storm and see if there is somethings were can do and learn to get us through this journey that we are on.....❤️

 

 

[Sunflower414]

On 9/9/2021 at 4:35 PM, Greatful said:

@Sunflower414  How are you doing?  

Hi all -

 

I thought things couldn’t get worse but they have: I stopped all my supplements three days ago. I am not doing even worse. 
 

I feel so hopeless. Do I take the supplements? Up the Paxil? Another med? Hospital? I cannot do this.

[Greatful]

@Sunflower414what happened?  Why did you stop all your medications?

You should not just stop, Were you still on 15mg Paxil?  Can you explain what what's going on a little more.  

Hang in there, take a deep breath and let's get a mod involved.

[Sunflower414]

6 minutes ago, Greatful said:

@Sunflower414what happened?  Why did you stop all your medications?

You should not just stop, Were you still on 15mg Paxil?  Can you explain what what's going on a little more.  

Hang in there, take a deep breath and let's get a mod involved.

 Oh no. I am still on the 15Mg Paxil. I stopped all the supplements. How do I talk to a moderator? 

[getofflex]

@Sunflower414I'm sorry you are going through this.  We need more specific information from you.  How is your sleep?  What time do you take the Paxil?  Are you taking the same dose at the same time each day?  What specific symptoms are you having?  What supplements were you taking?  Why did you stop them all at once?  What symptoms appeared or worsened after you stopped the supplements? 

 

Please, whatever you do, don't do anything different to your meds, until we figure out what to do.  Keep taking the 15 mg Paxil, and don't change the dose or add any other meds yet.  If you go to a hospital, they will just put you on more meds, which could very well make your situation even worse.  

 

Please keep a daily diary of your sleep, your activities, your meds, what and when you eat, etc.  Here is an example:  

 

6 AM woke with anxiety

8 am took 2.5 mg lexapro

10 am stomach is upset

10:30 am ate breakfast

11:35 am got a headache, lasted one hour

12:35 ate lunch

4 pm feel a bit better

5 pm took 2.5 mg lexapro

6 pm ate dinner

9:20 pm headache 

10:00 pm took 50 mg Seroquel

10:30 pm feeling dizzy

10:30 pm fell asleep 

2:30 am woke, took 3 mg Ambien

2:45 am fell asleep

4:30 am woke, but got back to sleep 

 

Please do this for a couple of days, and post it in here.  Thank you.  

 

 

 

Edited September 17, 2021 by getofflex

[Sunflower414]

28 minutes ago, getofflex said:

@Sunflower414I'm sorry you are going through this.  We need more specific information from you.  How is your sleep?  What time do you take the Paxil?  Are you taking the same dose at the same time each day?  What specific symptoms are you having?  What supplements were you taking?  Why did you stop them all at once?  What symptoms appeared or worsened after you stopped the supplements? 

 

Please, whatever you do, don't do anything different to your meds, until we figure out what to do.  Keep taking the 15 mg Paxil, and don't change the dose or add any other meds yet.  If you go to a hospital, they will just put you on more meds, which could very well make your situation even worse.  

 

Please keep a daily diary of your sleep, your activities, your meds, what and when you eat, etc.  Here is an example:  

 

6 AM woke with anxiety

8 am took 2.5 mg lexapro

10 am stomach is upset

10:30 am ate breakfast

11:35 am got a headache, lasted one hour

12:35 ate lunch

4 pm feel a bit better

5 pm took 2.5 mg lexapro

6 pm ate dinner

9:20 pm headache 

10:00 pm took 50 mg Seroquel

10:30 pm feeling dizzy

10:30 pm fell asleep 

2:30 am woke, took 3 mg Ambien

2:45 am fell asleep

4:30 am woke, but got back to sleep 

 

Please do this for a couple of days, and post it in here.  Thank you.  

 

 

 

Thank you @getofflex

 

i will do the diary.

 

 

I am sleeping probably too much. I go to bed around 11pm and wake up about 11am. I take the Paxil when I wake up - I try to aim for 11:30am-noon. I have been taking 15mg for 32 weeks exactly. I was taking many supplements. My naturopath said to stop them if I felt they weren’t working. Maybe they were but I have no idea. 
 

I was taking: 

l tryptophan 

l Theanine 

gaba 

vitamin d 

vitamin b 

vitamin c 

magnesium 

 

she also just had me start something called NAD.
 

do you think supplements are a good thing during this process? Many online (Facebook group) say they make things worse which was ramping up my anxiety. Another reason I thought maybe I should stop. 

[getofflex]

10 minutes ago, Sunflower414 said:

do you think supplements are a good thing during this process?

We suggest 2 supplements to help calm the nervous system: omega 3, and magnesium.  It is suggested to add one at a time, and start with a low dose to see how it affects you. 

Magnesium

 

Omega 3 Fish Oil

 

Hopefully when you post some daily notes, we can see better what is going on.  I't good you stopped the B vitamins - they tend to ramp up the nervous system and agitate us.  What does NAD stand for? 

 

Can you please tell us what your symptoms are in your journal, and about what times they occur?  

Edited September 17, 2021 by getofflex

[Altostrata]

On 9/14/2021 at 10:42 AM, Sunflower414 said:

I recently met with a “withdrawal specialist” after taking all the supplements she suggested and spending hundreds of dollars. Since they aren’t helping me and I haven’t stabilized in 8 months she is convinced something else is wrong with me. She suggested taking a new medication.

 

Is this "withdrawal specialist" an MD??
 

We know that supplements are not very effective in reversing withdrawal syndrome. If you put your hopes in this, I am so sorry you have been disappointed. Please do not let this overwhelm you.

 

7 hours ago, Sunflower414 said:

I thought things couldn’t get worse but they have: I stopped all my supplements three days ago. I am not doing even worse. 

 

You stopped your supplements and you got worse? What symptoms got worse?

 

What supplements were you taking?

 

Paxil is a very difficult drug to go off, don't blame yourself. What you might consider is a gradual switch to fluoxetine or citalopram, which may act as a bridge to tapering off.

[Sunflower414]

Everything got worse since stopping them. I was taking quite a few. Do you suggest I re start them? 
 

I tried to switch to Prozac in the past and it didn’t go well however it may have been to fast if a switch? I have no idea. I’m feeling hopeless.

 

 

I was taking 

l trphytophan 

GABA with l Theanine 

Lithium oratate

Vitamin b 

vitamin d

NAD +

vitamin c 

magnesium 
a few others I can’t remember 

[Greatful]

@Sunflower414    Hang in there, you are going to get this all sorted out and get stable.  It is scary and panicky but remember everything is just a feeling and it will not hurt you.  You can do this, you are a very strong and know that you can make it through one day at a time.  We are all hanging on to you so you will make it through this rough patch.

 

Do you know how to tag someone, so they get a notification that you are posting to them.

@ then start to type their name, click on their name and it will highlight in blue like your name did.

 

[Sunflower414]

Thank you so much @Greatful! Now I do know how to tag lol. Thank you so much. This has made the past few days so much better knowing I have this community. 
 

today is slightly better thank God. How’re you doing 

[getofflex]

4 hours ago, Sunflower414 said:

Everything got worse since stopping them. I was taking quite a few. Do you suggest I re start them? 

Personally, if it were me, yes, I would restart them, in the same doses and times you took them previously.  It is never a good idea to suddenly start or stop any drugs or supplements while in AD WD.  Then, wait about a month or two, then gradually wean off one at a time.  That way, if you get worse, or better, you know what the cause is.  I would not add any more supplements at this time, other than magnesium or omega 3.  But, I would do that only after you have reinstated your other supplements, and been on that regimen for at least a month, before you start to wean off those supplements that your withdrawal specialist gave you.  Treat your nervous system extremely gently.  Rest a lot, eat healthy food at regular times, avoid sugar, alcohol, any other mind altering substances, gentle 1/2 hour walks if you can, do activities that are calming and soothing like adult coloring books, painting, crafts, listening to soft relaxing music, watching relaxing happy movies, etc.  The key to recovering from this is time, and patience.  Since you were on so many psych drugs in the past, you will need a lot of time, and patience.  

Edited September 18, 2021 by getofflex

[getofflex]

13 minutes ago, Sunflower414 said:

today is slightly better thank God.

I'm so glad to hear that today is better.  You are in my prayers and thoughts.  

[getofflex]

Here is a post by one of our senior mods, BrassMonkey.  He successfully got off Paxil after being on it many years, and has made a very good recovery.  Please read this, and tell me what you think:  

 

Tao of the Brass Monkey Trusting Our Bodies and Nature

[Greatful]

@Sunflower414  I am so glad that you are feeling a little better.  At least this will you hope and encouragement.  Did you ever read the story about "what is happening in your brain"?  A great story.  Let me know if you haven't and I will get it for you.

We can do this, I have been on drugs for over 20 years and can relate how scary it is for you. So get yourself self stable and we will do a slowwwwww taper together.......❤️

[Sunflower414]

Thank you @getofflex for all this information. I appreciate you. 
 

@Grateful I have not read it — can you send it to me? Yes we will both be here. We can do this!

[Greatful]

@Sunflower414  I hope you are having a good day. Here is the story

Click on the title it should open.  Let me know what you think

I printed it out so I can show it to people to get a idea what is happening in WD.

 

[Greatful]

@Sunflower414  Hi, how are you doing?  I am worried about you❤️

[Sunflower414]

Hi @Grateful

I have had a few good days! Not amazing, but compared to what I’ve been having, they have been wonderful. A nice break. Today I feel some of the symptoms coming back but I’m trying to stay positive. 
 

how’re you holding up?

[Greatful]

@Sunflower414  

2 hours ago, Sunflower414 said:

I have had a few good days! Not amazing, but compared to what I’ve been having, they have been wonderful. A nice break.

Oh how wonderful.  This will give hope that you are healing and will continue to heal.  Slowly wean off the drug and see that you can survive and live a full life.

 

I am doing okay the symptoms rotate around like I am a lazy Susan.  But I do feel a closer to myself then I have in a months.  I get a little panicky when I feel the depression edge it's way back in.  But I need to remind myself that all the stuff we tell ourselves are just thoughts and I can choice to believe the thoughts or not.  Just like anxiety is just a sensation that is in our body, so why do we feel like we have to run from it, fight it?  Yeah it can be uncomfortable at times but that is all it can do to us.  Who said healing from WD and emotional garbage at the same time is a good idea🥴  This is a time for us to learn about about ourselves and learn how to love  and accept ourselves. 

 

Enjoy your window❤️

[Sunflower414]

On 9/24/2021 at 5:20 PM, Greatful said:

@Sunflower414  

Oh how wonderful.  This will give hope that you are healing and will continue to heal.  Slowly wean off the drug and see that you can survive and live a full life.

 

I am doing okay the symptoms rotate around like I am a lazy Susan.  But I do feel a closer to myself then I have in a months.  I get a little panicky when I feel the depression edge it's way back in.  But I need to remind myself that all the stuff we tell ourselves are just thoughts and I can choice to believe the thoughts or not.  Just like anxiety is just a sensation that is in our body, so why do we feel like we have to run from it, fight it?  Yeah it can be uncomfortable at times but that is all it can do to us.  Who said healing from WD and emotional garbage at the same time is a good idea🥴  This is a time for us to learn about about ourselves and learn how to love  and accept ourselves. 

 

Enjoy your window❤️

 

how’re you doing @Grateful? I am back in a horrific wave after about 9 “okay”

days

[Sunflower414]

@getofflex i hope I am tagging you correctly. 
 

I had a few “okay” days and back in a wave. After being on 15mg of Paxil for 8 months, with no big improvements, my doc has suggested I am having an adverse reaction to the Paxil. Do you know much about this? Should I continue to taper?

[getofflex]

HI @Sunflower414I'm sorry to hear that you are back in a bad wave, but glad that you had the 9 day window.  I'm praying for you.  

[Sunflower414]

4 minutes ago, getofflex said:

HI @Sunflower414I'm sorry to hear that you are back in a bad wave, but glad that you had the 9 day window.  I'm praying for you.  

 Thank you. 
I had a few “okay” days and back in a wave. After being on 15mg of Paxil for 8 months, with no big improvements, my doc has suggested I am having an adverse reaction to the Paxil. Do you know much about this? Should I continue to taper?

[getofflex]

1 minute ago, Sunflower414 said:

I had a few “okay” days and back in a wave. After being on 15mg of Paxil for 8 months, with no big improvements, my doc has suggested I am having an adverse reaction to the Paxil. Do you know much about this? Should I continue to taper?

I have asked you twice previously to post daily notes, but I have not seen any daily notes here in your intro thread.  I would need more information from you before I can help you determine if you are having an adverse reaction to Paxil.  I especially need to know how you feel before you take your Paxil, and how you feel after you take it.  

 

The low tech way:  

 

Write on a piece of paper something like this: 

 

Please keep a daily diary of your sleep, your activities, your meds, what and when you eat, etc.  Here is an example:  

 

6 AM woke with anxiety

8 am took 2.5 mg lexapro

10 am stomach is upset

10:30 am ate breakfast

11:35 am got a headache, lasted one hour

12:35 ate lunch

4 pm feel a bit better

5 pm took 2.5 mg lexapro

6 pm ate dinner

9:20 pm headache 

10:00 pm took 50 mg Seroquel

10:30 pm feeling dizzy

10:30 pm fell asleep 

2:30 am woke, took 3 mg Ambien

2:45 am fell asleep

4:30 am woke, but got back to sleep 

 

Please do this for a couple of days, and post it in here.  Thank you.  

 

For more high tech way, see this link:  https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/1779-recording-drug-schedule-and-symptoms-to-track-patterns-and-progress/?tab=comments#comment-17122

 

 

 

[Sunflower414]

2 minutes ago, getofflex said:

I have asked you twice previously to post daily notes, but I have not seen any daily notes here in your intro thread.  I would need more information from you before I can help you determine if you are having an adverse reaction to Paxil.  I especially need to know how you feel before you take your Paxil, and how you feel after you take it.  

 

The low tech way:  

 

Write on a piece of paper something like this: 

 

 

Please keep a daily diary of your sleep, your activities, your meds, what and when you eat, etc.  Here is an example:  

 

6 AM woke with anxiety

8 am took 2.5 mg lexapro

10 am stomach is upset

10:30 am ate breakfast

11:35 am got a headache, lasted one hour

12:35 ate lunch

4 pm feel a bit better

5 pm took 2.5 mg lexapro

6 pm ate dinner

9:20 pm headache 

10:00 pm took 50 mg Seroquel

10:30 pm feeling dizzy

10:30 pm fell asleep 

2:30 am woke, took 3 mg Ambien

2:45 am fell asleep

4:30 am woke, but got back to sleep 

 

Please do this for a couple of days, and post it in here.  Thank you.  

 

For more high tech way, see this link:  https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/1779-recording-drug-schedule-and-symptoms-to-track-patterns-and-progress/?tab=comments#comment-17122

 

 

 

Thank you. I’ve actually been doing this today and will post tonight.

[Sunflower414]

@getofflex

 

Up until 7am with panic 

Fell asleep until 11:30am took 15mg paxil 

Laid in bed until. 1:30pm With intrusive thoughts, headache, terror, body jerks 

2pm-3:30pm did some work, feeling very worried and anxious about how I’ll get off Paxil. Getting waves of nausea  

3:30-4pm sat outside and ate. Intrusive, looping thoughts w bad headache 

4-6pm and sat outside w dogs. Heart pounding, intrusive thoughts 

6-8:30pm laid down. Feeling panicked, terror, depressed, hopelessness. Began crying a lot. Eyes feel heavy, off balance, nausea, heart beating hard

8:30pm made food 

10pm laid down  

[Greatful]

@Sunflower414  

This can be overwhelming.  The awful intrusive thoughts are overwhelming, scary and seem so real, but your brain is not working right.  I had to re-read the story "What is Happening in your brain"  It helped put things back into a better perception and  understanding for why my brain does what it is doing.  It gave me hope again and reassurance it is my brain trying to correct it's self.  My ocd is out of this world right now. I can relate to just about everything your going through.  It does seem like it will go on and on, but it will break for a little bit, you had 9 days of a window. Your brain is healing.  

Remind yourself to just get through the day. I know they can seem very long. You are doing a great job trying to distract yourself with your dogs and going outside.  Do what ever little things you can do to pass the time.  Can you play games on your tablet? Go for a short walk?  Meditate even it it doesn't feel like you can, just do it anyway it will work to distract you. Can you go for a little drive? Remind yourself it is okay to feel this way it will not hurt you and it will pass.  Repeat the distractions  Be kind to yourself and know that you are doing all that you can to get through this brain injury from the meds.  It is not you, it is a temporary brain injury. 

 Your thoughts can not hurt you they can make you feel horrible if you give into them.  Repeat to yourself I am okay, God gave me life and I belong here.❤️  

 

 

[getofflex]

18 hours ago, Sunflower414 said:

Fell asleep until 11:30am took 15mg paxil 

So you took your Paxil at 11:30 AM?  How did you feel before you took the Paxil, and then how did you feel after you took the Paxil?  Are any symptoms worse after you take the Paxil?  I'm trying to see if you are having an adverse reaction to the Paxil, versus withdrawal symptoms from getting on and off the meds in 2020.  

 

My heart goes out to you. I"m praying for you and sending positive thoughts your way.  Hang in there, this will eventually get better, sooner or later. 

Edited September 29, 2021 by getofflex

[Sunflower414]

@getofflex I don’t notice any major changes before or after I take the medication.

[getofflex]

Any minor changes? 

[getofflex]

23 hours ago, Sunflower414 said:

Should I continue to taper?

If it were me, I definitely would not do any changes to my drugs at this time.  Your system is destabilized.  It very much needs stability and gentleness at this time.  In my opinion, this is taking a long time because of the many meds you were on and off in 2020 as indicated by your drug sig: "switched to 75mg Effexor 2020 - tried Prozac, Celexa, Pristiq, VIibryd, Lexapro 2020".   

 

It's a good sign that you had a window recently.   

[Sunflower414]

35 minutes ago, getofflex said:

Any minor changes? 

Sometimes I feel slightly better, but I don’t think it’s from the meds — I think it’s because when I first wake up I have terrible anxiety