Sunflower414: medicated at age 7, now 27

[Sunflower414]

@getofflex

Thank you for your reply. Do you think it is an adverse reaction to Paxil? If not, should I up the mg? The withdrawal is back to being horrific and after 8 months of feel it should be much better if this is really Due to withdrawal 

 

[getofflex]

I personally doubt that it’s an adverse reaction based on your daily journal. Please don’t make any changes to your drugs just yet. Continue to keep a daily journal and post the results in here.  I’m conferring with the other staff and one of us will make some suggestions as soon as we can.

[Altostrata]

Hello, @Sunflower414. I agree with @getofflex, it does not appear that you are having an adverse effect from Paxil.

 

Paxil is a very difficult drug to go off. Your nervous system may still be settling down, throwing up waves and windows, from all the drug changes last year, when you dropped Paxil for Effexor.

 

Have you made any changes in the last 2 weeks? Accidentally forgot to take a dose? Drank any alcohol? Taken an antibiotic?

[Sunflower414]

Thanks for your help @Altostrata and @getofflex

 

no - no changes. I did stop taking supplements about 3/4 weeks ago. Besides that there are some days that I sleep a ton and take my meds around 2pm instead of 11am. Besides that, no alcohol or medications added 

 

do you think some people just need to take the medication? I’ve been on meds for a long long time and fear this might just be me on a lower dose / off of meds. I have not one memory that is a happy one off of meds since I was put on at age 7

[Altostrata]

48 minutes ago, Sunflower414 said:

Besides that there are some days that I sleep a ton and take my meds around 2pm instead of 11am.

 

This could very well be the source of waves of bad symptoms, particularly with a drug like Paxil. Just taking it off schedule by an hour or 2 could cause withdrawal symptoms.

 

It is important for you to take Paxil at the same time each day. Pick a time when you can commit to taking it EVERY DAY, such as 2 p.m. If you are taking it at 11 a.m. each day, move your dose later by an hour each day until you are taking it at 2 p.m. Then be sure to take it at 2 p.m. every day.

 

We cannot see the effects of the drug and sort them out from other types of symptoms  if you do not take Paxil at the same time every day.

[Sunflower414]

Thank you @Altostrata I appreciate it. I will begin taking it at the same time daily. 
 

Is it normal that after 8 months on 15mg I am still suffering? I wasn’t stable when I went from 20mg-15mg, and I still am not. If I wait until I am stable I’m afraid I’ll be on this medication forever.  
 

have you seen people be prescribed Paxil as young as I was and successfully get off?

[Altostrata]

If you've been taking Paxil irregularly all along, it is normal you still have not yet stabilized.

[Sunflower414]

Thank you for your response @Altostrata

if I begin taking it at the same time everyday, when do you think I’ll improve?

[Toast]

Hi @Sunflower414, I just wanted to drop by your thread to say I'm thinking about you and I'm sorry you're really suffering. With respect to your questions, I was wondering if you have seen any improvement at all after 8 months, even if you are still in Hell now? If you're in even just 0.1% less Hell, that is still a hopeful thing. Unfortunately nobody really knows when we will improve or get better, as it's different for different people. I know that sucks to hear but it doesn't mean you won't improve.  

 

I find reading the success stories on here to be really helpful when things are difficult. There are examples of people who went on SSRIs at young ages and successfully healed and came off. I was also on an SSRI from a young age, since I was 10 and am now getting off of them at age 26. It has been the worst Hell, and every day still sucks, but I do see the tiniest bit improvement compared to 15 months ago when I went off. I hope you have at least seen a tiny improvement too, even if things are still bad. 

 

Sending lots of love and support <3 

[Sunflower414]

Hi there @Toast thanks for this response. I appreciate you and you reaching out. 
 

what medication did you taper? I’ll be praying for you. Sounds like we have similar stories and It makes me happy knowing someone in the same boat as me was able to get off.

 

I would say I’m maybe 10% better. Im not sure if it’s stabilization or getting all the meds they threw at me out of my system. They tried so many medications that caused HORRIFIC reactions. Im thankful to be sleeping again however I am sleeping 15+ hours a day sometimes! 

[Altostrata]

17 hours ago, Sunflower414 said:

Thank you for your response @Altostrata

if I begin taking it at the same time everyday, when do you think I’ll improve?

 

I don't know when it will improve. We would hope you feel gradual stabilization if you take your dose on a regular schedule. Please let us know how you're doing.

[Sunflower414]

Thank you @Altostrata 

do you believe everyone heals? I don’t have any memories off these drugs so I’m afraid this is just me with less meds and it will be worse when im Un medicated  

[Altostrata]

We have seen people tend to heal. Many people stop posting here when they feel better, so we haven't heard from everyone.

[Toast]

Hi Sunflower414, I am in the midst of tapering Prozac, though I was started on Sertraline. Thank you and I’ll be thinking of you too. 

 

10% better is a great improvement!!! Although things are still rough, take comfort in the fact that you are healing, slowly but surely.

 

Sending love and best wishes <3

[Greatful]

@Sunflower414

On 9/29/2021 at 11:01 PM, Sunflower414 said:

I would say I’m maybe 10% better. Im not sure if it’s stabilization or getting all the meds they threw at me out of my system. They tried so many medications that caused HORRIFIC reactions.

I feel like you,  I am trying to stabilize from the fast taper on Prozac fast taper of Lamictal during with wd  and then all the drugs that were thrown at me.  I did not start meds at such a young age but I have been on them for about 24-25 years.  I am scared just like you, can I make it without the drugs.  I have been in wd  since summer, fall of 2020. 

 

On 9/29/2021 at 7:40 PM, Sunflower414 said:

Is it normal that after 8 months on 15mg I am still suffering? I wasn’t stable when I went from 20mg-15mg, and I still am not. If I wait until I am stable I’m afraid I’ll be on this medication forever.  

 

This sounds like me again.  It has been almost 1 year since my nightmare worsened.  I didn't feel to good from May to Nov. but didn't know it was wd all summer then the drug merry-go-round started in December.

The worst of the wd hit around end of Nov.  It has been a nightmare since.  But like you I think I have healed to around 10%.  

Have you read Happy2Heals thread?

She was on meds for 40 years and she healed.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/19203-happy2heal-my-victory-statement/?tab=comments#comment-385445

 

Hang in there.  I know how scary this is believe me, I know.  You are healing, there is some improvement for both of us so we know that the brain is trying to heal, can we find some strength and patience?❤️

[Cheeky]

Hi @Sunflower414,

I know what it’s like to be medicated at a young age. I was put on Paxil at 17 and I’m 45 now. It’s very hard having to wake up every day wanting to be normal without any aniexty. We will all get through eventually, it just takes time. Going from 20mg to 15mg is a massive drop, if I had done that it would’ve taken me just as long or longer to stabilise. When I dropped 1mg of Paxil I would only feel stable after a couple of months. What your going through is normal WD and yes it’s just sooooo hard. Unfortunately we just have to wait it out. Make sure you take your dose at the same time every day. You will get better ❤️‍🩹 

[Greatful]

@Sunflower414  How are you doing?

[Sunflower414]

Hi @Grateful

 

im hanging in there. Not doing amazing, but I’m okay. Sleeping a lot. I did attend two weddings this past weekend so I’m proud of myself that I went. I did have my time off the month and it was really difficult. That time is always hard. Moving forward I’m thinking about doing the brass monkey slide.
 

how are you? 

[Greatful]

@Sunflower414

On 10/6/2021 at 1:06 PM, Sunflower414 said:

I did attend two weddings this past weekend so I’m proud of myself that I went.

This is great.  You should be proud of yourself.  Being social when you don't feel very good is hard and takes a lot of courage and strength. 

 

On 10/6/2021 at 1:06 PM, Sunflower414 said:

im hanging in there. Not doing amazing, but I’m okay. Sleeping a lot.

I think most of us can attest to this, hanging in there, wish I could feel better.  But you are doing it, hanging in there.  Be kind and patient with yourself.  Your body is putting a lot of energy into healing.  Treat yourself like you would when you are sick with any kind of flu, etc.

I keep reading here on SA, to let your body heal itself, it knows what to do.  They say it does know what it is doing but we have to be patient.  So I am with you, hanging on, letting and trusting my body will do what it needs to do to heal.

Both you and I have seen some progress, so that is a great way to acknowledge that we are healing.  Even though we feel if we are healing it is so very slow.  My husband told me he has seen improvements. So I guess I have to trust that he see more in that area then me.

How about you does your husband see any small improvements?

 

On 10/6/2021 at 1:06 PM, Sunflower414 said:

Moving forward I’m thinking about doing the brass monkey slide.
 

I don't know if you follow my thread, but I have done to small cuts of my Lex.  9/1 a 2% cut had some rough days, on 9/25 did 3% cut had some rough days, but I think I am over the bump.  Still having WD symptoms but managing most days.  You never sure how your day will be or even how much things can change throughout the day. 

When you are ready, listen to your body,  if 2% every is all you can handle than go with that.  You  don't have to drop at any set times or amounts, again listen to your body.

 

I am pulling for you.😊 

We can do this if we remember to take a day at a time.❤️

 

 

 

 

[Greatful]

@Sunflower414  How are you doing?  It's been quite over here.  Sending you encouragement❤️

[Sunflower414]

Hi @Grateful

 

i had a pretty good two weeks so I began the brass monkey tapering method. I went from 15mg to 14.6mg. Today is day 6 and I am doing awful again. I am feeling discouraged that such a small reduction can cause so much harm. My head hurts so badly I can barely open my eyes. If .4mg causes this how will I ever get off? I feel defeated today. 
 

how are you doing?

[Sunflower414]

Hi all. I lowered from 15mg to 14.6mg and doing awful again. That’s only a 2.5% drop. It’s been 10 days. Should I reinstate? How will I ever get off if I cannot lower 2.5%? 

im feeling discouraged that my brain and life are ruined. I don’t know how to forgive and grieve that I was put on these at 7 years old — I don’t know how to move forward. 
 

thank you… 

 

@Altostrata @brassmonkey

[getofflex]

11 minutes ago, Sunflower414 said:

Hi all. I lowered from 15mg to 14.6mg and doing awful again. That’s only a 2.5% drop. It’s been 10 days. Should I reinstate? How will I ever get off if I cannot lower 2.5%? 

I'm sorry to hear this. If it were me, I would reinstate back to the 15 mg, and stay there for a very long time, as in six months to a year.  Unfortunately, Paxil is notoriously hard to get off of.  Then, I would do a test reduction of a tiny amount - like only 1%, and see how that goes.  It sounds as though your system just isn't ready for any drug changes at this time.  I know it is very frustrating and disappointing.  It sounds to me as if your nervous system may just need some time to heal, and find homeostasis.  

[Sunflower414]

@getofflex thank you for the response. I appreciate it. 
 

If this is the case, I wouldn’t be off of the medication for years and years. Isn’t that doing more harm?

[brassmonkey]

Tapering these drugs is all a balancing act between stability and feeling quite bad. If you go too fast, too big or too often you lose stability and feel poorly. To feel better you have to allow your body the time it needs to make adjustments and heal. From your signature I see that you have made 10 major drug changes in the last four (4) years. Your body doesn't know if it is coming or going, and is screaming out for stability. The harm as already been done. Yes staying on the drugs will perpetuate it, but not taking the time to stabilize will just make it worse, and in the long run increase the time it takes to get off.

 

You could stay at your current reduced dose or go back up to 15mg. Either one will work. If you felt better at 15mg that is a plus for updosing, also 15mg will be easier to maintain on a daily basis for a long hold. Because of all the recent changes it is going to take a long time for things to stabilize, as Getofflex pointed out.  Once stable it will be more than likely that you will be able to taper at a higher rate than 1%, so things will go faster than you think.

 

I know the frustration you feel. When I started my taper it took two and a half years before I felt any changes for the better. It also feels like it is taking for ever to get through the process while we are going through it, but in terms of a lifetime it is just a very small part. Once it is over you will be much stronger and more able to cope with anything life throws as you. Tapering isn't just about getting the drugs out of ones system. A major part of the process is working through  our issues, settling the things that got us on drugs in the first place, learning about ourselves and taking control of our feelings and lives. None of the time spent stabilizing is wasted.

[Sunflower414]

Thank you @brassmonkey

i fear if I keep holding I will never get off. I’ve been on 15mg for 8 months already with some improvements but very little. 
 

If I hold at 14.6mg, how long would you suggest holding? 
 

also do you think I should try CBD omega or magnesium to help? 

[Greatful]

@Sunflower414

I feel your frustration. I really wish I had a magic wand that we could put to use.  Do you think you can wait it out and see if things level out?  My first drop was 2% and I felt that, but as time went on I could tell my brain was getting clearer, my second drop was 3% and it is taking a little bit to level out.  But know that I am not what most would say stable, but I am making it day by day.

As for as I go, I think that I hit poop out on my Prozac and the Lex never agreed with me hence the quick taper to 5mg and held until Oct 1st t start tapering.  

 

You are in a tough spot and will have to decided what is best for you.  What ever you decide up dose or ride it out both are okay to do.  Do not beat yourself up over it.

 

But do not get discouraged, remember we are going to work through this together and we will get off. Do not let your mind play tricks on you. Let the past go.  Have you tried therapy? 

 

Really one day at a time.  You can focus better, on today if you let tomorrow go.  We all can get through the day because we are strong and the day goes by.  But we can't get through tomorrow because it is not here yet.  Our minds are powerful, we need to learn how to reframe our thoughts to help get through this.  Like the little blue train "I think I can I think I can" .  Well we are going to take it one step farther. 

I know I can I know  I can  I know I can❤️

 

Remember our thoughts can do more harm to us them the actual W/D.  We have the choice on what thoughts we want to trust and  follow, .  We are trying to think with a brain that is morphed and scared.

 

Look deep inside and find the real you.  Trust in that person, not the distorted thoughts and fears.  

 

Meditate, meditate, meditate, to help learn to acknowledge the thoughts let them go, do not engage or argue with them and then refocus on what you are doing.  

 

 

 

[Altostrata]

Hello, @Sunflower414

 

Have you been taking Paxil on a consistent schedule? How are you measuring your dose?

 

What are the new symptoms that came on after this latest decrease?

[Sunflower414]

Thank you @Altostrata

 

yes. And I was doing “okay” for three weeks before I dropped again. Now I am having the intrusive thoughts, extreme panic, worry, crying spells, again 

[Altostrata]

How are you measuring your dose?

[Sunflower414]

@Altostrata

 

i am ishing a pill crusher and weighing it with a jewelry scale and putting it in a capsule. I hope I’m doing it correctly. I’ve thought about maybe contacting a compounding pharmacy. The liquid is too expensive and I lost my insurance because I had to quit working during this time. 
 

I think a big part of why the withdrawal is coming back is also because I’m so scared. I feel like this whole experience has been extremely traumatic and I was very nervous about lowering it, and I thought maybe if I lowered it and felt OK I would feel better but I just get so worried.

[Altostrata]

I am sorry, Paxil may be the most difficult antidepressant to go off. 

 

59 minutes ago, Sunflower414 said:

And I was doing “okay” for three weeks before I dropped again.

 

When did you make this decrease? From what dosage to what dosage?

 

If you are measuring your dose incorrectly, or taking it off-schedule, that also could be causing those symptoms, which sound like Paxil withdrawal.

[Sunflower414]

Thank you @Altostrata - I decreased 10 days ago. I went from 15mg (after an 8 month hold) to 14.6mg. I am taking it at a scheduled time now (within the hour) and I think I am measuring correctly. For some reason i'm finding it hard/confusing to crush the pills and weigh them. Do you have any resources to make sure I'm weighing them correctly, or a different way to make sure the dosage is correct? Do some people have this type of reaction from such a small drop? Thank you for all of your help. Although Paxil is the "worst one" to get off of... is it still possible to heal after such long term use? I have no idea who I am off these meds so it's difficult to know whats withdrawal and what is me.

[Altostrata]

Tapering with a liquid can be easier and more accurate. This is described in Tips for tapering off paroxetine (Paxil, Seroxat)

 

How long have you been taking 15mg Paxil on a consistent schedule? It was only 3 weeks ago that you were taking it inconsistently. You felt better for only a few weeks before changing your dose again, but your nervous system needs much longer than that to recover.

 

On 9/29/2021 at 7:12 PM, Altostrata said:

If you've been taking Paxil irregularly all along, it is normal you still have not yet stabilized.

 

After a period of instability, you may need to stay at a consistent dose for a good long time, probably months, before attempting to taper.

 

As @getofflex recommended:

 

9 hours ago, getofflex said:

I'm sorry to hear this. If it were me, I would reinstate back to the 15 mg, and stay there for a very long time, as in six months to a year.  Unfortunately, Paxil is notoriously hard to get off of.  Then, I would do a test reduction of a tiny amount - like only 1%, and see how that goes.  It sounds as though your system just isn't ready for any drug changes at this time.  I know it is very frustrating and disappointing.  It sounds to me as if your nervous system may just need some time to heal, and find homeostasis.  

 

[Greatful]

@Sunflower414  How are you doing? ❤️

[Greatful]

@Sunflower414

How are you doing? I hope things are going okay for you❤️