☼ AppleLover909: In recovery, healing. Teenager suffering through withdrawal.

[AppleLover909]

I am a teenager going through withdrawal and it is pure torture. I dont know what to do. I feel alienated from the fact I still have a developing brain. 

 

I was put on 50mg Zoloft for one month, maybe 2 weeks more. I cant remember. My memory is deteriorating. I was prescribed this, heavily encouraged and before my gut-feeling said no to taking this medication that I was forced to take; My family encouraged me. It was flaky between 25mg and 50mg. I was switched to Prozac 25mg. I dont remember how long I took this, and 2 weeks is my best guess. One week? 3 Weeks? 2 and a half? I started faking taking it to the end of january all the way to May. I emptied the capsules, And only until March or April I realized there was dust left over I didn't tap through. So I don't think that counts as tapering, I cold turkey-ed it.  My parents caught on, I was forced to take my first pill since january in May. I was experiencing hopeful windows before this. A glimmer of something better, I felt maybe normal for 15 minutes. 1 hour. I am experiencing the worst withdrawal from this one pill after almost seeing little hints of recovery. I hope this pill didn't crush any hopes of me recovering in my brain. 

This past week has been the hardest of all my struggles through this. I just want to be better. I'm not an adult who can afford waiting my youth to be normal like everyone else. 

- No emotions besides hopelessness. 

- Memory is close to none. 

- Body aches

- Brain zaps in the legs? 

- Jaw clenched at all times. 

- No motivation to do anything I enjoy.

- Functionality to talk to people socially is close to none. My brain feels hollow. I cant focus on a conversation or understand cues. 

-  No sense of humor. Complete loss of personality since January.

-  Fatigue. 

-  Weakness.

-  Dizzy. 

- Nonstop weeping. 

- Irritability. 

- Weight gain.

 

I feel as if i'm in hell. I dont know how to continue on. I just want to be normal, I don't want to be a new recovered self. I just want to be the old me. I just want recovery. My entire cold turkey, I've been lurking this page. I wouldn't have learned anything or held on this long without all the helpful pages and discussions on here. I hope I make some friends here and share a recovery story. It feels less alone to have a forum with people like me. 

Edited July 23, 2021 by manymoretodays
recovery, healing added to title

[Gridley]

Welcome to SA, AppleLover909.  We have had a number of members who were drugged with psychiatric drugs as teens or younger and have recovered fully.  You will too.  Thanks for completing your drug signature.  You are definitely on a forum with people like you.  

 

The one 25mg Prozac you were forced to take may have caused a bump in your recovery, but you will regain your equilibrium and will continue your healing and recovery.  25mg Prozac is not a high dose and you'll bounce back from that.  Your youth and the short time you were on the drugs are big advantages for you, and the windows you were having prior to the one-day forced Prozac dosage are a very encouraging sign.  You will make it just fine.  

 

All the symptoms you describe are typical of antidepressant withdrawal.  They are all very, very familiar to me, whether from my own experience or from reading the accounts of other members on this forum.  One by one they will fade and disappear.  

 

So that you have a better idea of what you're experiencing, here is some information on withdrawal and the healing process.

 

What is withdrawal syndrome.

 

Daily Checklist of Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms (PDF) 

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

When we take psychiatric medications, the CNS (central nervous system) responds by making changes over the months and years we take the drug(s). When the medication is discontinued, the CNS has to undo all the changes it made. Rebuilding the neurotransmitter production and reactivating the receptor and transporter cells takes time -- during that rebuilding process symptoms occur.  

 

These explain the healing process really well.

 

Brain Remodelling 

 

Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

Here are  few suggestion for you during your healing time.  First, be gentle with yourself.  Avoid stress as much as possible.  Though some members have reported that they've benefitted from strenuous exercise, in general we recommend gentle exercise such as a daily 30-minute walk in nature.  When withdrawal becomes difficult, distract yourself with whatever works for you, Youtube, music, whatever helps.  We recommend avoiding alcohol and caffeine and cutting down on or eliminating sugar and processed foods.  In general, eat as healthily as possible.  Reading the Success Stories on this forum helps a lot of our members.

 

We don't recommend a lot of supplements on SA, as many members report being sensitive to them due to our over-reactive nervous systems, but two supplements that we do recommend are magnesium and omega 3 (fish oil). Many people find these to be calming to the nervous system. 

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker 

 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) 

 

Add in one at a time and at a low dose in case you do experience problems. Get supplements that are single ingredient (not mixed with other types of supplements).

 

This is your Introduction topic, where you can ask questions and connect with other members.  We're glad you found your way here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[AppleLover909]

This is hell. Please someone tell me this ends, This cant be forever. I cant bear this. Why me. Why me. Life was so good. I just want to be normal. Ill do anything ill pay anything just to be normal again please i dont want to change

[Faure]

It will end.  It won’t be forever even though right now I know it feels like it will be.  It will pass and you will recover. You had some windows before the forced dose, they will come back. I took an accidental double dose several weeks ago and it threw me for a good 2-3 weeks but it passed. Yours will too. Hang in there. None of us want to be suffering, we all want our lives back, you are not alone. 

[Rosetta]

Are you still being forced to take any pills of any sort.  
 

This is not forever.  Almost everyone who goes through this feels that way at the beginning, but it’s not true, and that is one of the most important things I can tell you.  You are going to heal.

 

Rosetta

[AppleLover909]

Is birth control okay to take during withdrawal? Currently my chest my arms are shaking im very jittery I have hope but i am hanging on 

[AppleLover909]

This is so bad im struggling so bad no one knows im in withdrawal im in hell this is the worst thing i have ever experienced in my life why did this happen to me i just wish someone said no please dont take this pill i promise you can be better without it why why didnt i just throw up after taking it why was i encoruaged this is hellish why do i have to go through this i wasnt a bad person i was nice to everyone these mood swings are so diffucult i just want to be the same its all i want my life was so perfect i was wonderful i was surrounded by everyone who loved me and now i cry every night im suffering i just want to recover or some miracle i pray every night for some more hope but its getting so hard 

[AppleLover909]

ill do anything to be better ill do anything to fix myself i read these success stories and they dont say anywhere there the exact same person if there is one success story that says they feel normal and got all there friends and family back i hope there is one im searching but god this is so hard 

[AppleLover909]

Cant sleep, and doing another all nighter due to stress keeping me up. two all nighters in 4 days and have had horrible sleep in the other two days.  Hot black coffee is comfort and security blanket to the point it gets so hot it burns my hands, Keeps me up. Miserable insomnia is. I cant wait for this to end.

[AppleLover909]

Titled:  I Survived!!!!!  I made it!!!!!  Prozac and Zoloft Withdrawal.  Recovered.

 

I'm a 16 year old who went under a short period of forced medication that threw me to hell. 

Prozac 25mg, And 50mg of Zoloft for my OCD. 

 

I picked up 4 rocks today after trying to play tennis. I felt almost no passion but it is the one thing before I took the medication that was my love. I was walking home on the verge of tears, Hopeless. Going through everything you guys are

going through. I couldn't bear with the thought of continuing life like this. No self, no identity. My friends all distancing, its hard to be a zombie and be liked. I just didn't feel anything, I felt so much sadness so much fight and no reward and no end in sight. I picked up those 4 rocks and said these will be your four reasons to live. Your chance of recovering, your love of art, your love of tennis, and your family and friends. It felt even sticky trying to think about it. My brain had felt empty just nothing to think but pain.

 

I think today is the day a miracle happened, I feel recovered. I do not even feel the same self I was today at 5pm. 

I do not believe this is at all a window, this is way more magical then a window.

Just thirty minutes ago. 

 

Everything just stopped. My brain fog, My friends and family are asleep so no clue on my sense of humor yet but I am so happy I could just pop. 

I feel hope. I randomly just felt something, I was holding the rocks and at that moment just a miracle or an angel came down and it felt instant. Goosebumps, even my thought process felt lighter like before. Positive.  

My brain stopped buzzing, I DONT feel empty, I randomly felt like I had hope for tomorrow.  I feel excited to go make some eggs tomorrow morning. Months, months of never-ending agony. I'm free.

I feel exactly how I was before I took it. I don't see motion trails. I don't feel worried, I don't feel on edge. I'm so excited to go play tennis tomorrow. I feel something when I think of my brother and my family. 

I feel like myself. I don't feel like a changed person. I feel like exactly how I was. 

 

I just made myself chocolate milk, warmed it up and I'm going to go bake a cinnamon roll with a candle. Blowing it out and its going to mark the end and celebration of surviving and me back. I have been fighting for this for so long. Every

day just too miserable and painful to endure to live. I'm okay. I am finally okay.

 

My symptoms. 

 

Brain fog

Loss of personality completely

No sense of humor

Shakiness

Clenched Jaw

Brain zaps

Memory loss/Very bad short term and long memory

Unable to speak in a conversation 

Unable to think 

Anxiety

Depression

Obsession over symptoms 

Motion trails

Random chills

Constant weeping

Lack of appetite/Weight loss

Mood swings

Fatigue/constant tiredness

Insomnia

Lightheadedness

Ringing in ears randomly

Numbness in emotions

 

These are gone. This is a short time to say but I know, I just know I'm recovered. 

Please have hope. I never thought this would ever be possible, and it is. I'm not a changed person, I'm not a mismatched puzzle that wont ever be the same. I feel EXACTLY how I was before. 

I am beaming and crying with excitement and pure happiness. With everyone on here, I couldn't have done it without you. Stay strong and you will have your moment. The one thing that kept me going was the fact tomorrow could be the day it all goes away and gets better. 

 

I love every single one of you on here fighting. A little young haha!, but your not alone. Life's beautiful. Thank you. 

 

Edited July 23, 2021 by manymoretodays
titled added, moved from Success Stories to Introduction topic due to short time off medication(s)

[manymoretodays]

Because you're feeling better, I added our cheerful "here comes the sun" symbol ☼ to the title of your Intro topic, to show you're recovering.

 

Please continue to let us know how you're doing. I hope you will add your story to our Recovery Success Stories eventually!

I've merged your most recent post here, as generally we do reserve the Success Story forum, for those off medications for at least a year.  And so hope you will add more here, continue to update, and then repost in Success Stories next May.

 

@AppleLover909  And bravo!!!!  Thank you so much for sharing your present recovery/healing status.

Edited July 23, 2021 by manymoretodays

[Phoenixmama]

@AppleLover909 hi so excited for you ❤️🥰

[AppleLover909]

I'm worse. I feel horrible. I want this all to be better. I don't know if I saw a window. I felt so much better in February, I don't know what I was thinking. I just want something to get better. I'm crying every night, its so mentally and physically painful that I just walk in laps to ease the pain. I just cry and cry and cry and feel nothing but sadness and hopelessness. I feel nothing but worry, I feel occasional good feelings. I cant go to sleep, I feel too much pain. I will just drink coffee another night. I wish there was a cure for this stupid syndrome. I just hate this, I hate this I hate it all. Words dont have any meaning to how much im hurting, im reading success stories and none of them feel like anything. I just want to be me. This is so exhaustingly painful. I try to see hope, but it is not there. I try and I try, It feels like nobody works as hard as me or hurts as much as me, I just feel different. Im crying writing this. ☹️

 

I lash out at others, I'm moody. My body feels all tender with nothing but worry and pain and stress and everything worse. I dont know what to do. I want to just be the exact person I was. Will I be that? I just want one person to give me a hug and tell me I'm gonna be me again. I don't know what I ever did to deserve such pain like this. I hate the nights, I sit with my head. I don't know what to do. I just want to know what to do. How much stress can a human take? Will I have a heart attack with this much stress every day, every hour for months? What do I do?

[AppleLover909]

I feel weirdly better. My mind cleared from a panic attack or some crying spell. I dont know how im going to sleep tonight. Goodnight everyone.

[Phoenixmama]

@AppleLover909 hi just checking in on you , how are you doing 

[AppleLover909]

Topic title of 2nd Intro before merging with original Intro.

 

New Account: I was previously Applelover909. Teenager going through withdrawal. Almost 2 years now.

 

 

I hope this is the right topic to post this on!  I lost the email for my old account (AppleLover909) 

but things are getting incredibly bad for me. 2 years of constant hell, Im thinking of going back on antidepressants as a last resort. 

 

Things are getting very suicidal in my head and I do not know how to keep fighting this by myself. I hate these devil of a drugs more then anything but im afraid its come down to taking them again or completely losing my mind. (Which I feel like has already happened.  ) 

Although ive been strong through every day, it seems like im at a breaking point and I have no choice but to surrender to taking pills again. I never thought this day would come and it brings me so much sadness to do so. I dont know if I should or if I shouldnt. My entire life is fallen apart to my feet. I have been depressed since the beginning of march 2021. I do not know what to do. My brain fog is just a storm that I've learned to deal with, I cannot socially interact with anyone anymore due to anxiety and i've been labeled as "boring" and the person who makes the room quiet. I am going insane from withdrawal, and it has been something I never knew could go on this long. I have completely lost hope for myself. No matter how many success stories I read, I dont feel happiness or any sense of joy anymore. 

 

I was thinking of taking 10mg of zoloft or 25mg. My old dose was 25mg and the zoloft didnt mess me up, the Prozac did. I felt my self coming back after 24 hours with zoloft so I feel like this is the best one to start on. Im terrified, Ive never felt more alone in my life. I dont want to lose my self a SECOND time. Though with my fighting everyday im deterioting as it is. 

 

I need some advice, opinions because this is the biggest choice of my life. I just want to feel happy again. T

 

Thank you. I hope everyone is having a good day, and not only surviving, but thriving with there withdrawal recovery. 

- AppleLover 909

 

Edited May 31, 2022 by ChessieCat
added Intro topic title before merging with intro topic

[ChessieCat]

I will ask the other mods for their assistance.

[Ariel]

@Applelover808

I just want to give you a big HUG!

 

I'm sorry you are suffering. 

It's so good that you reached out for help by coming back to SA. 

 

You have done a lot of really hard work to bring you here. I know it may not feel like it but you have come far. Give yourself lots of credit for your strength and courage. You are very brave!

 

How old are you today? 

What is your current living situation?

Do you have a support system, and if so, what does it look like?

 

I am sending lots of love and holding space for your experience. 

A. 

[AppleLover909]

I am 17 years old now. I have a nice home, but I dont have a therapist or pyschologist because of the fear of being put in a hospital or medicated against my will. I wish I could get one, you know how therapists and doctors are with suicidal mentions in any shape or form. Ugh.  

 

Hugs for all!!! 

 

[getofflex]

Hello, first let me clear up some confusion.  Your signature says "2020 December- Zoloft 50mg for a month. 25mg sometimes in this month. for OCD."  If you did take some pills off and on this month, that would explain why you are feeling so bad.  Taking these drugs sporadically can mess things up in your nervous system.  By "this month" do you mean May 2022?  Can you please clarify exactly which month and year you are referring to here?  

 

I'm deeply sorry that you are in this predicament.  And I feel bad that a parent forced you to take the prozac pill in May of 2021.  I really hope by now your parents respect your choice to not take these drugs.  

 

Since we are are forum for getting off drugs, we do not ever give people advice about which drug to take, or to go back on drugs.  Let me share some information with you:  

 

Robert Whitaker, author Anatomy of an Epidemic video

 

Chemical Imbalance is a Myth

 

As you can see from these videos, even for people who can tolerate the drugs, it may seem to help them in the short term, but in the long term, it actually worsens their depression.  Drug companies make big money selling these drugs, and they have convinced the doctors that these drugs are great, and should be prescribed to many people.  SSRI drugs, which Zoloft and Prozac are, supposedly fix a chemical imbalance in the brain.  However, this is pure theory (a guess) and it has never ever been proven.  There is no evidence that people with depression or anxiety have a chemical imbalance in the brain.  

 

All that said, if you do go back on Zoloft, it may or may not help you in the short run.  In the long run, however, you brain will go back to being dependent upon a drug, and the more we go on and off drugs, the harder they are to get off of in the future.  And, the more we go on and off, the less likely they are to help, and the more likely they are to cause a bad reaction, such as you had with the prozac.  This is called kindling. 

 

Post Withdrawal Nervous System Kindling, Hypersensitivity

 

If it were me, I would stay off the drugs, and do whatever I could to try and cope with the symptoms.  There are many things you can do to cope.  Here are some links that will give you some good ideas: 

 

Steps for Managing WD Symptoms

 

 

 

But I only took it for a Week - immediate adverse reaction

 

For Those Who are Feeling Desperate and as if They Can't Go On.

 

Healing from antidepressants. How to speed up the recovery process 

 

Dealing With Emotional Spirals

 

"Change the channel" -- dealing with cognitive symptoms

 

I know you feel as if you are losing your mind.  That is your withdrawal brain talking.  Many of us have felt that way, but we got through it, and now are doing better.  There is both good news and bad news.  The bad news is, unfortunately, it can take months to years to recover.  However, you have many years ahead of you, and are very young.  The good news is, recover can and will happen!  In fact, as bad as you've felt the past 2 years, your brain has been working hard on recovering.  Our brains are very amazing in their ability to heal.  We have some members who have been on many different drugs for decades, and they have recovered!  This link explains why recovery takes so long: 

 

What is Happening in Your Brain? (Explains why recovery takes so long)

 

I've given you quite a bit to read.  And I understand the extreme frustration and despair you are feeling, because I've been there myself, and so have most of us here.  Please hang in there!  I will be praying for you and thinking about you and sending positive thoughts your way.  

 

 

[Dan998]

On 5/31/2022 at 5:53 AM, AppleLover909 said:

I just want to feel happy again.

 

Psychiatric drugs work by affecting our emotions. They numb us to them. We don't feel sad or depressed while on the drugs, but we also don't feel anything else either. Unfortunately, this state also seems to persist long after we stop taking them.

 

The real you is still in there. Your personality hasn't been damaged. One day you will feel the full spectrum of emotions again. It's just that your brain has been temporarily scrambled and it's going to take some time for it to become unscrambled again. 

 

Cold turkey is such a hard thing to do. You've done really well and shown great strength, determination and courage to get this far.

 

Often, the darkest hour is just before the dawn.

 

 

 

Edited June 1, 2022 by Dan998

[AppleLover909]

Thank you so much Dan. Awesome profile picture. Words from someone who has gone through this much longer then me is something that sort of gives me hope and makes me feel less alone. I like that quote, "Darkest before dawn" ❤️ I relate to that and hope its true. Everyday I am trying to be strong but its very hard. I apppreciate the support.