Shellbell Posted March 2, 2022 Author Share Posted March 2, 2022 @NoMoreLexapro I will look into that - thank you I am seriously struggling and just don't know what to do anymore. If I had a gun today I probably wouldn't be here right now. It's been 20 months now and I am still struggling like I did in the beginning. I am considering trying a medication but I know that is probably not a good idea. However I don't think I am going to live much longer with the way things are going right now. so I am desperate for something. Still not sleeping. Still experiencing Akathesia. Still having severe depression. I don't know what the heck happened to my life anymore. My lupus is causing issues as well. I just know that I can't continue on like this much longer. So any suggestions would be appreciated. I read about low dose lamictal and am considering trying that. 5-28-20 given cymbalta. Had bad reaction. Stopped immediately. 6-20-20 stopped vicodin after 5 years. Suffered akathesia. 7-20-20 to 11-13-20 mirtazapine. On 7.5 tapered for 8 weeks jumped off at 1.5 11/20 to Feb 3. .25 klonopin, tapered 4 weeks. Jumped off at .0935 present - med free. Still suffering from akathesia, insomnia,depression and anxiety melatonin 1mg. Magnesium 400mg daily Vicodin one week. Stopped 12-5-21 temezapam prn sonata sleeping pill. Prn tried kratom for one week 1-15-22 - symptoms - visual issues, dizziness, severe brain fog, suicidal ideations Link to comment
NoMoreLexapro Posted March 2, 2022 Share Posted March 2, 2022 DNRS (retrainingthebrain.com) was founded by Annie Hopper after she was completely debilitated. Her book, Wired for Healing, is a good read. I read it before committing to DNRS. I actually heard about DNRS from my therapist, who was in excruciating agony for several years due to Lyme disease; she credits DNRS for her recovery. And, as I said, it saved me. So, it has multiple relevancies. The best part is that it doesn't involve any consumption of drugs, supplements, or anything else; it is all based around neural training. Was on Lexapro for 66 days starting in early January. 5mg for a week, 10mg for 3, 7.5 for 3 days, then 5mg and 2.5mg for approx two weeks after. Was on Lithium for 60 days starting in late January. 1 300mg ER pill a day. Stopped CT Was given a .5 ativan script in early Jan. Took it maybe 20x total from early Jan to beg of June, 2020. -Fall of 2019: had two vertigo attacks for the first time with no warning, each followed by 4-5 days of morning dizziness. -Last Friday of 2019: had first ever, out of the blue, panic attack. Went to ER- didn't know what was happening. Was diagnosed w/GAD, even though had never had anxiety or depression problems before. Basically no health problems at all prior to this, and in very good shape emotionally, physically, and mentally. -4 days after panic attack given lexapro. That's when the hell began. Was on it 66 days. Reacted badly to it. Gave me suicidal ideation 4 wks after starting it, plus exhaustion, off the charts anxiety, dizziness, and fatigue. Did a fast taper over 5 wks. Was on it 66 days total. -been off lexapro completely since mid-March, 2020. First 3 weeks I got better and better. Then, week 4 into WD got slammed. Since then, over 64 side effects/symptoms. Can't drive. At times, barely surviving. -since Jan., have been to the e r 16x. -was given lithium after experienced SI from lexapro to as a "mood stabilizer". Never really noticed anything from it, nor anything after stopping it, except for a few days of heightened depression about a week after. -was given low dosage ativan script 2nd week into lexapro to deal with the anxiety/panic spike caused by the lexapro. Took it perhaps 20x between Jan and June, 2020. Always made me feel better, but last time it was taken (early June) experienced intrusive thoughts after so stopped it. Didn't feel any negative reaction from stopping it, perhaps b/c it was taken so infrequently and the dosage was so low. Link to comment
canaanstongue01 Posted March 2, 2022 Share Posted March 2, 2022 @Shellbell have you had any windows at all? -lexapro 10mg daily from 2012 to 2021 (halfed dose in 4/2021, went all the way off 6/21) -various benzos 2014-2019... valium 2019-10/2021~20mg, inconsistent but daily dosing 10/9-17.5mg 10/23-15m 11/29 - 12.5 12/24 - 12 12/31 - 11.5 2/27/22 - 11 3/31 - 10.5 4/14 - 10 5/3 - 9.5 5/15 - 9 6/6 - 8.5 Link to comment
Shellbell Posted March 2, 2022 Author Share Posted March 2, 2022 @canaanstongue01 not really. No maybe two or three good days total 5-28-20 given cymbalta. Had bad reaction. Stopped immediately. 6-20-20 stopped vicodin after 5 years. Suffered akathesia. 7-20-20 to 11-13-20 mirtazapine. On 7.5 tapered for 8 weeks jumped off at 1.5 11/20 to Feb 3. .25 klonopin, tapered 4 weeks. Jumped off at .0935 present - med free. Still suffering from akathesia, insomnia,depression and anxiety melatonin 1mg. Magnesium 400mg daily Vicodin one week. Stopped 12-5-21 temezapam prn sonata sleeping pill. Prn tried kratom for one week 1-15-22 - symptoms - visual issues, dizziness, severe brain fog, suicidal ideations Link to comment
Shellbell Posted March 5, 2022 Author Share Posted March 5, 2022 I just can't handle this anymore. I don't know what to do. The akathesia. The panic is just overwhelming me. I can't stand it anymore it's been 20 months of horror. And I am getting worse every day. I can't do this anymore 5-28-20 given cymbalta. Had bad reaction. Stopped immediately. 6-20-20 stopped vicodin after 5 years. Suffered akathesia. 7-20-20 to 11-13-20 mirtazapine. On 7.5 tapered for 8 weeks jumped off at 1.5 11/20 to Feb 3. .25 klonopin, tapered 4 weeks. Jumped off at .0935 present - med free. Still suffering from akathesia, insomnia,depression and anxiety melatonin 1mg. Magnesium 400mg daily Vicodin one week. Stopped 12-5-21 temezapam prn sonata sleeping pill. Prn tried kratom for one week 1-15-22 - symptoms - visual issues, dizziness, severe brain fog, suicidal ideations Link to comment
thenextguy Posted March 5, 2022 Share Posted March 5, 2022 29 minutes ago, Shellbell said: I just can't handle this anymore. I don't know what to do. The akathesia. The panic is just overwhelming me. I can't stand it anymore it's been 20 months of horror. And I am getting worse every day. I can't do this anymore Hi @Shellbell I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. Are you taking anything right now for sleep or anything else? I see temazepam on your list. Suicidal ideations can be a side effect. -Since 2017-ish I've been on Cymbalta & Mirtazapine. At max dose it was 120mg cymbalta and 45mg mirtazapine. This combo was meant to deal with a depressive episode and it worked. Over the next few years I tapered down from those high doses. I had tried to get off the cymbalta twice and had to reinstate twice. I don't remember when. Maybe 2018? 2019? -Since 2020 I've been stable 20mg cymbalta and 7.5mg mirtazapine (this is mainly for sleep now). I have come off of the mirtazapine before without trouble, but still take it occasionally for sleep. -August 2nd began taking 10mg prozac as a bridge to attempt to get off cymbalta. Took 10mg for about a week then 20mg for a few days. Stopped taking the cymbalta and was doing okay for a bit, but things didn't seem to get better and maybe have been getting worse. -8/25/2021 - 20mg cymbalta and struggling. Stopped the prozac. I'm struggling, but I can probably ride this out if I had to. My concern is that things will continue to get worse, as they seem to be doing. -8/29/2021 - things started to get worse. Probably prozac withdrawal. Reinstated 20mg prozac. -9/2/2021 - 20mg cymbalta, 5mg prozac, 7.5 mg mirtazapine --> 9/24/2021 - 20mg cymbalta, 5mg prozac, 3.75 mg mirtazapine --> 11/7/2021 - 20mg cymbalta, 3.75mg prozac, 3.75 mg mirtazapine --> 4/24/2022 - 20mg cymbalta, 3.75mg prozac --> 6/5/2022 - 20mg cymbalta, 3.33mg prozac Link to comment
NoMoreLexapro Posted March 5, 2022 Share Posted March 5, 2022 I would try DNRS- retrainingthebrain.com. It helped me recover from WD For panic I'd also recommend EFT (emotional freedom technique)- when anxiety was bad for me it always helped a lot. Was on Lexapro for 66 days starting in early January. 5mg for a week, 10mg for 3, 7.5 for 3 days, then 5mg and 2.5mg for approx two weeks after. Was on Lithium for 60 days starting in late January. 1 300mg ER pill a day. Stopped CT Was given a .5 ativan script in early Jan. Took it maybe 20x total from early Jan to beg of June, 2020. -Fall of 2019: had two vertigo attacks for the first time with no warning, each followed by 4-5 days of morning dizziness. -Last Friday of 2019: had first ever, out of the blue, panic attack. Went to ER- didn't know what was happening. Was diagnosed w/GAD, even though had never had anxiety or depression problems before. Basically no health problems at all prior to this, and in very good shape emotionally, physically, and mentally. -4 days after panic attack given lexapro. That's when the hell began. Was on it 66 days. Reacted badly to it. Gave me suicidal ideation 4 wks after starting it, plus exhaustion, off the charts anxiety, dizziness, and fatigue. Did a fast taper over 5 wks. Was on it 66 days total. -been off lexapro completely since mid-March, 2020. First 3 weeks I got better and better. Then, week 4 into WD got slammed. Since then, over 64 side effects/symptoms. Can't drive. At times, barely surviving. -since Jan., have been to the e r 16x. -was given lithium after experienced SI from lexapro to as a "mood stabilizer". Never really noticed anything from it, nor anything after stopping it, except for a few days of heightened depression about a week after. -was given low dosage ativan script 2nd week into lexapro to deal with the anxiety/panic spike caused by the lexapro. Took it perhaps 20x between Jan and June, 2020. Always made me feel better, but last time it was taken (early June) experienced intrusive thoughts after so stopped it. Didn't feel any negative reaction from stopping it, perhaps b/c it was taken so infrequently and the dosage was so low. Link to comment
thenextguy Posted March 5, 2022 Share Posted March 5, 2022 Forgive me if I have gotten the wrong impression, but it seems like you’re trying to go about your daily life while hoping to get better. Life doesn’t stop for our withdrawals; I get that. But your symptoms sound so severe that you may need to do nothing but focus on healing. I don’t know if you have the means to do that in your life, but if I were in your position I would be trying to find a way to make that happen. Please keep us posted. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I do think it’s possible to get better one day. ❤️ 1 -Since 2017-ish I've been on Cymbalta & Mirtazapine. At max dose it was 120mg cymbalta and 45mg mirtazapine. This combo was meant to deal with a depressive episode and it worked. Over the next few years I tapered down from those high doses. I had tried to get off the cymbalta twice and had to reinstate twice. I don't remember when. Maybe 2018? 2019? -Since 2020 I've been stable 20mg cymbalta and 7.5mg mirtazapine (this is mainly for sleep now). I have come off of the mirtazapine before without trouble, but still take it occasionally for sleep. -August 2nd began taking 10mg prozac as a bridge to attempt to get off cymbalta. Took 10mg for about a week then 20mg for a few days. Stopped taking the cymbalta and was doing okay for a bit, but things didn't seem to get better and maybe have been getting worse. -8/25/2021 - 20mg cymbalta and struggling. Stopped the prozac. I'm struggling, but I can probably ride this out if I had to. My concern is that things will continue to get worse, as they seem to be doing. -8/29/2021 - things started to get worse. Probably prozac withdrawal. Reinstated 20mg prozac. -9/2/2021 - 20mg cymbalta, 5mg prozac, 7.5 mg mirtazapine --> 9/24/2021 - 20mg cymbalta, 5mg prozac, 3.75 mg mirtazapine --> 11/7/2021 - 20mg cymbalta, 3.75mg prozac, 3.75 mg mirtazapine --> 4/24/2022 - 20mg cymbalta, 3.75mg prozac --> 6/5/2022 - 20mg cymbalta, 3.33mg prozac Link to comment
Shellbell Posted March 5, 2022 Author Share Posted March 5, 2022 @thenextguy i have been trying not to take anything for sleep. I’ve taken temezapam about 10 times or so in the past 4 months. Been awhile since I’ve taken one ive tried vistaril a couple times. But didn’t like it. Trying to only take melatonin for sleep 5-28-20 given cymbalta. Had bad reaction. Stopped immediately. 6-20-20 stopped vicodin after 5 years. Suffered akathesia. 7-20-20 to 11-13-20 mirtazapine. On 7.5 tapered for 8 weeks jumped off at 1.5 11/20 to Feb 3. .25 klonopin, tapered 4 weeks. Jumped off at .0935 present - med free. Still suffering from akathesia, insomnia,depression and anxiety melatonin 1mg. Magnesium 400mg daily Vicodin one week. Stopped 12-5-21 temezapam prn sonata sleeping pill. Prn tried kratom for one week 1-15-22 - symptoms - visual issues, dizziness, severe brain fog, suicidal ideations Link to comment
canaanstongue01 Posted March 5, 2022 Share Posted March 5, 2022 @Shellbell i’m sorry you’re feeling this way, i am right there with you a whole lot of the time. i don’t really have any suggestions (other than taking the lorazepam if you need it), but know you aren’t suffering alone. i’m trying my best to hold out hope that things will get better. 1 -lexapro 10mg daily from 2012 to 2021 (halfed dose in 4/2021, went all the way off 6/21) -various benzos 2014-2019... valium 2019-10/2021~20mg, inconsistent but daily dosing 10/9-17.5mg 10/23-15m 11/29 - 12.5 12/24 - 12 12/31 - 11.5 2/27/22 - 11 3/31 - 10.5 4/14 - 10 5/3 - 9.5 5/15 - 9 6/6 - 8.5 Link to comment
Shellbell Posted March 22, 2022 Author Share Posted March 22, 2022 I can’t do this anymore. I just can’t. I’m getting worse every single day. And it’s too much for me. I have to end this. I just can’t go on. The panic. Depression. Insomnia. I’m battling lupus on top of all this hospitals don’t help. Nothing helps its just over now and it breaks my heart 5-28-20 given cymbalta. Had bad reaction. Stopped immediately. 6-20-20 stopped vicodin after 5 years. Suffered akathesia. 7-20-20 to 11-13-20 mirtazapine. On 7.5 tapered for 8 weeks jumped off at 1.5 11/20 to Feb 3. .25 klonopin, tapered 4 weeks. Jumped off at .0935 present - med free. Still suffering from akathesia, insomnia,depression and anxiety melatonin 1mg. Magnesium 400mg daily Vicodin one week. Stopped 12-5-21 temezapam prn sonata sleeping pill. Prn tried kratom for one week 1-15-22 - symptoms - visual issues, dizziness, severe brain fog, suicidal ideations Link to comment
NoMoreLexapro Posted March 22, 2022 Share Posted March 22, 2022 retrainingthebrain.com helped me recover Was on Lexapro for 66 days starting in early January. 5mg for a week, 10mg for 3, 7.5 for 3 days, then 5mg and 2.5mg for approx two weeks after. Was on Lithium for 60 days starting in late January. 1 300mg ER pill a day. Stopped CT Was given a .5 ativan script in early Jan. Took it maybe 20x total from early Jan to beg of June, 2020. -Fall of 2019: had two vertigo attacks for the first time with no warning, each followed by 4-5 days of morning dizziness. -Last Friday of 2019: had first ever, out of the blue, panic attack. Went to ER- didn't know what was happening. Was diagnosed w/GAD, even though had never had anxiety or depression problems before. Basically no health problems at all prior to this, and in very good shape emotionally, physically, and mentally. -4 days after panic attack given lexapro. That's when the hell began. Was on it 66 days. Reacted badly to it. Gave me suicidal ideation 4 wks after starting it, plus exhaustion, off the charts anxiety, dizziness, and fatigue. Did a fast taper over 5 wks. Was on it 66 days total. -been off lexapro completely since mid-March, 2020. First 3 weeks I got better and better. Then, week 4 into WD got slammed. Since then, over 64 side effects/symptoms. Can't drive. At times, barely surviving. -since Jan., have been to the e r 16x. -was given lithium after experienced SI from lexapro to as a "mood stabilizer". Never really noticed anything from it, nor anything after stopping it, except for a few days of heightened depression about a week after. -was given low dosage ativan script 2nd week into lexapro to deal with the anxiety/panic spike caused by the lexapro. Took it perhaps 20x between Jan and June, 2020. Always made me feel better, but last time it was taken (early June) experienced intrusive thoughts after so stopped it. Didn't feel any negative reaction from stopping it, perhaps b/c it was taken so infrequently and the dosage was so low. Link to comment
mva96 Posted March 22, 2022 Share Posted March 22, 2022 Hey shellbell, So sorry to hear you’re still struggling with aka and that awful neuro depression so much. Please hang in there. I obviously can’t give you advice but I was reinstated at about 13 months off. It was an extremely bumpy ride after for a couple of months, and I nearly stopped the reinstatement. But things are starting to improve significantly now. Please hold onto hope and get any support/ advice you can 🙂 Started Lexapro 5mg Mid March 2020 Came off Completely September 2020 Hospitalised september 2021 Slowly worked up to 50mg lamictal and 60mg Prozac reduced to 20mg Prozac September 2021 Holding 20mg Prozac and 50mg Lamictal for a good while to stabilise. November 2021 Link to comment
Shellbell Posted March 29, 2022 Author Share Posted March 29, 2022 I was hoping to get a mod to give me some help i just don’t know what to do anymore 5-28-20 given cymbalta. Had bad reaction. Stopped immediately. 6-20-20 stopped vicodin after 5 years. Suffered akathesia. 7-20-20 to 11-13-20 mirtazapine. On 7.5 tapered for 8 weeks jumped off at 1.5 11/20 to Feb 3. .25 klonopin, tapered 4 weeks. Jumped off at .0935 present - med free. Still suffering from akathesia, insomnia,depression and anxiety melatonin 1mg. Magnesium 400mg daily Vicodin one week. Stopped 12-5-21 temezapam prn sonata sleeping pill. Prn tried kratom for one week 1-15-22 - symptoms - visual issues, dizziness, severe brain fog, suicidal ideations Link to comment
NoMoreLexapro Posted March 29, 2022 Share Posted March 29, 2022 Try retrainingthebrain.com! It saved me! Was on Lexapro for 66 days starting in early January. 5mg for a week, 10mg for 3, 7.5 for 3 days, then 5mg and 2.5mg for approx two weeks after. Was on Lithium for 60 days starting in late January. 1 300mg ER pill a day. Stopped CT Was given a .5 ativan script in early Jan. Took it maybe 20x total from early Jan to beg of June, 2020. -Fall of 2019: had two vertigo attacks for the first time with no warning, each followed by 4-5 days of morning dizziness. -Last Friday of 2019: had first ever, out of the blue, panic attack. Went to ER- didn't know what was happening. Was diagnosed w/GAD, even though had never had anxiety or depression problems before. Basically no health problems at all prior to this, and in very good shape emotionally, physically, and mentally. -4 days after panic attack given lexapro. That's when the hell began. Was on it 66 days. Reacted badly to it. Gave me suicidal ideation 4 wks after starting it, plus exhaustion, off the charts anxiety, dizziness, and fatigue. Did a fast taper over 5 wks. Was on it 66 days total. -been off lexapro completely since mid-March, 2020. First 3 weeks I got better and better. Then, week 4 into WD got slammed. Since then, over 64 side effects/symptoms. Can't drive. At times, barely surviving. -since Jan., have been to the e r 16x. -was given lithium after experienced SI from lexapro to as a "mood stabilizer". Never really noticed anything from it, nor anything after stopping it, except for a few days of heightened depression about a week after. -was given low dosage ativan script 2nd week into lexapro to deal with the anxiety/panic spike caused by the lexapro. Took it perhaps 20x between Jan and June, 2020. Always made me feel better, but last time it was taken (early June) experienced intrusive thoughts after so stopped it. Didn't feel any negative reaction from stopping it, perhaps b/c it was taken so infrequently and the dosage was so low. Link to comment
Shellbell Posted April 4, 2022 Author Share Posted April 4, 2022 I wish everyone the best. Good luck to you all I have made my decision to leave and I won't be returning. Not a lot of options anymore things will not be improving or getting better and it's too late for anything else thanks to all who have reached out to me and gave me support 5-28-20 given cymbalta. Had bad reaction. Stopped immediately. 6-20-20 stopped vicodin after 5 years. Suffered akathesia. 7-20-20 to 11-13-20 mirtazapine. On 7.5 tapered for 8 weeks jumped off at 1.5 11/20 to Feb 3. .25 klonopin, tapered 4 weeks. Jumped off at .0935 present - med free. Still suffering from akathesia, insomnia,depression and anxiety melatonin 1mg. Magnesium 400mg daily Vicodin one week. Stopped 12-5-21 temezapam prn sonata sleeping pill. Prn tried kratom for one week 1-15-22 - symptoms - visual issues, dizziness, severe brain fog, suicidal ideations Link to comment
NoMoreLexapro Posted April 4, 2022 Share Posted April 4, 2022 Have you tried retrainingthebrain.com? Was on Lexapro for 66 days starting in early January. 5mg for a week, 10mg for 3, 7.5 for 3 days, then 5mg and 2.5mg for approx two weeks after. Was on Lithium for 60 days starting in late January. 1 300mg ER pill a day. Stopped CT Was given a .5 ativan script in early Jan. Took it maybe 20x total from early Jan to beg of June, 2020. -Fall of 2019: had two vertigo attacks for the first time with no warning, each followed by 4-5 days of morning dizziness. -Last Friday of 2019: had first ever, out of the blue, panic attack. Went to ER- didn't know what was happening. Was diagnosed w/GAD, even though had never had anxiety or depression problems before. Basically no health problems at all prior to this, and in very good shape emotionally, physically, and mentally. -4 days after panic attack given lexapro. That's when the hell began. Was on it 66 days. Reacted badly to it. Gave me suicidal ideation 4 wks after starting it, plus exhaustion, off the charts anxiety, dizziness, and fatigue. Did a fast taper over 5 wks. Was on it 66 days total. -been off lexapro completely since mid-March, 2020. First 3 weeks I got better and better. Then, week 4 into WD got slammed. Since then, over 64 side effects/symptoms. Can't drive. At times, barely surviving. -since Jan., have been to the e r 16x. -was given lithium after experienced SI from lexapro to as a "mood stabilizer". Never really noticed anything from it, nor anything after stopping it, except for a few days of heightened depression about a week after. -was given low dosage ativan script 2nd week into lexapro to deal with the anxiety/panic spike caused by the lexapro. Took it perhaps 20x between Jan and June, 2020. Always made me feel better, but last time it was taken (early June) experienced intrusive thoughts after so stopped it. Didn't feel any negative reaction from stopping it, perhaps b/c it was taken so infrequently and the dosage was so low. Link to comment
Mia1 Posted April 4, 2022 Share Posted April 4, 2022 Shellbell, You have been given so much good advice from other members on this site who are going through the same experience as you, have you put the work into finding what it is that can help you? Can you honestly say you have worked so hard on yourself, that you have tried every option out there, that every day you woke up determined to be kind to yourself and find a way to heal? I know this is hard but it gets better when you can try to accept it. And that doesn’t mean you don’t do anything, you have to put the work in and you have to do it every single day. The work is anything that can lessen some of the symptoms, even momentarily. Suggestions that have been given to you include Claire Weekes to help manage anxiety, positive self talk, weighted blanket, reinstatement of medication, epsom salt baths, walks in nature, mindfulness, reprogramming your brain, family, friends. You have been given links to articles and videos and programs on all of these. Can you honestly say you have exhausted all these options and that not one of them has worked or brought you any peace? Can you honestly say you have done your part? You are going to heal whether you do the work or not but doing the work will help you feel better now, but you have to do the work. If you are constantly fighting how you feel and telling yourself that it’s hopeless, that there’s no point to life then you add a tremendous amount of suffering on top of the pain. So the point is to accept the pain and remove the suffering. You are creating the suffering. You create it every time you tell yourself that you are never going to get better, that it’s hopeless, that you don’t want to live anymore. If you are really suicidal you need professional help, period. If you can’t do this on your own then you need professional help. If you feel the only choice you have is suicide, which you have alluded to several times now, then getting professional help and possibly going back on medication until you can find your way is probably the best option right now. Please reach out to a professional in your area today and explore your options. You are going to be ok, get the help you need and be kind to yourself. When you are in a better space go through your thread and see how much care and love people have for you. You are valuable and I hope one day you can see this 💗 3 Completely drug free 11/26/22 🎉 Supplements: Magnesium citrate: 250 mg; Fish oil: 1200 mg “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - Victor Frankl Link to comment
Shellbell Posted April 10, 2022 Author Share Posted April 10, 2022 @Mia1 have definitely put in the work to get better tried medication. Which might be making me worse tried videos. Meditation. Positive thoughts. Positive self talk. my lupus is bad. I have to start chemo for the next 6 months to try and get better thanks everyone for caring not sure what to do anymore 5-28-20 given cymbalta. Had bad reaction. Stopped immediately. 6-20-20 stopped vicodin after 5 years. Suffered akathesia. 7-20-20 to 11-13-20 mirtazapine. On 7.5 tapered for 8 weeks jumped off at 1.5 11/20 to Feb 3. .25 klonopin, tapered 4 weeks. Jumped off at .0935 present - med free. Still suffering from akathesia, insomnia,depression and anxiety melatonin 1mg. Magnesium 400mg daily Vicodin one week. Stopped 12-5-21 temezapam prn sonata sleeping pill. Prn tried kratom for one week 1-15-22 - symptoms - visual issues, dizziness, severe brain fog, suicidal ideations Link to comment
Shellbell Posted April 17, 2022 Author Share Posted April 17, 2022 I honestly just have no desire anymore to continue living. And it’s so sad and horrible 5-28-20 given cymbalta. Had bad reaction. Stopped immediately. 6-20-20 stopped vicodin after 5 years. Suffered akathesia. 7-20-20 to 11-13-20 mirtazapine. On 7.5 tapered for 8 weeks jumped off at 1.5 11/20 to Feb 3. .25 klonopin, tapered 4 weeks. Jumped off at .0935 present - med free. Still suffering from akathesia, insomnia,depression and anxiety melatonin 1mg. Magnesium 400mg daily Vicodin one week. Stopped 12-5-21 temezapam prn sonata sleeping pill. Prn tried kratom for one week 1-15-22 - symptoms - visual issues, dizziness, severe brain fog, suicidal ideations Link to comment
Anya324 Posted April 18, 2022 Share Posted April 18, 2022 What you’re feeling is the withdrawal talking. It’s part of the injury. Don’t give in to it. Keep fighting and one day you’ll be able to tell your story! Make the drug companies and doctors listen up. you’ve got this, Shelly! Dig as deep and you can and keep going. One day at a time. 1 ~Lexapro 5mg 2009; ~increased to 10mg; 2013ish. ~increased to 20mg; 2017 ~January 2021 had an episode of Serotonin Syndrome (from one single 50mg dose of trazodone) reduced from 20mg to 10mg. ~Mid April 2021- Followed doctors taper schedule to get off lex. Within 6ish weeks I went from 10mg to 5mg and then 5mg every other day and then every 3 days and then quit. ~Early June 2021 stopped Lexapro ~July 5th; reinstated 2.5 mg Lexapro ~July 6th; started atenolol 12.5 2x day for heart palpitations (resting bpm 110). ~July 19th; upped to 3.75 ~Sept 12; Updose 5mg (want WD to go AWAY-no longer trying to get off Lexapro. Want my life back!) Lansoprazole 2000-2021 ~July 27th 2021 breaking capsules and removing 40 tiny beads ~Sept 2021- worked up to removing 300 of the 500 beads Link to comment
LostPhil Posted April 18, 2022 Share Posted April 18, 2022 Hi shellbell please try and find a way to hang in there. I had Akathisia with constant pacing and I know it’s horrible. Some people’s nervous system is more sensitive than others and takes longer to heal, but it will heal. Have you tried acupuncture? I was skeptical but found a great Chinese doctor and had success with it. keep trying things - something will work. 1 Mirtazapine Recommended by doctor due to severe ear pain Sep 2021 30mg until Feb 2022. Severe bad reaction of pacing and emotional deadness. Tapered down 7.5mg from 30mg every 2 weeks until last 7.5mg tapered 2.5mg every 2 weeks. Completely off from April 2022. Feeling hugely better but still have weird feeling, muscle aches and tiredness. Link to comment
Shellbell Posted April 21, 2022 Author Share Posted April 21, 2022 I’m getting worse every single day. And I know I’m making things worse by trying different things. But I’m desperate for relief. Desperate for sleep. I’m just plain desperate 5-28-20 given cymbalta. Had bad reaction. Stopped immediately. 6-20-20 stopped vicodin after 5 years. Suffered akathesia. 7-20-20 to 11-13-20 mirtazapine. On 7.5 tapered for 8 weeks jumped off at 1.5 11/20 to Feb 3. .25 klonopin, tapered 4 weeks. Jumped off at .0935 present - med free. Still suffering from akathesia, insomnia,depression and anxiety melatonin 1mg. Magnesium 400mg daily Vicodin one week. Stopped 12-5-21 temezapam prn sonata sleeping pill. Prn tried kratom for one week 1-15-22 - symptoms - visual issues, dizziness, severe brain fog, suicidal ideations Link to comment
thenextguy Posted April 21, 2022 Share Posted April 21, 2022 @Shellbell what are you trying? -Since 2017-ish I've been on Cymbalta & Mirtazapine. At max dose it was 120mg cymbalta and 45mg mirtazapine. This combo was meant to deal with a depressive episode and it worked. Over the next few years I tapered down from those high doses. I had tried to get off the cymbalta twice and had to reinstate twice. I don't remember when. Maybe 2018? 2019? -Since 2020 I've been stable 20mg cymbalta and 7.5mg mirtazapine (this is mainly for sleep now). I have come off of the mirtazapine before without trouble, but still take it occasionally for sleep. -August 2nd began taking 10mg prozac as a bridge to attempt to get off cymbalta. Took 10mg for about a week then 20mg for a few days. Stopped taking the cymbalta and was doing okay for a bit, but things didn't seem to get better and maybe have been getting worse. -8/25/2021 - 20mg cymbalta and struggling. Stopped the prozac. I'm struggling, but I can probably ride this out if I had to. My concern is that things will continue to get worse, as they seem to be doing. -8/29/2021 - things started to get worse. Probably prozac withdrawal. Reinstated 20mg prozac. -9/2/2021 - 20mg cymbalta, 5mg prozac, 7.5 mg mirtazapine --> 9/24/2021 - 20mg cymbalta, 5mg prozac, 3.75 mg mirtazapine --> 11/7/2021 - 20mg cymbalta, 3.75mg prozac, 3.75 mg mirtazapine --> 4/24/2022 - 20mg cymbalta, 3.75mg prozac --> 6/5/2022 - 20mg cymbalta, 3.33mg prozac Link to comment
Shellbell Posted April 21, 2022 Author Share Posted April 21, 2022 @thenextguy just things for sleep Lunesta I’ve tried. Trazadone a couple times. Doxepine a couple times 5-28-20 given cymbalta. Had bad reaction. Stopped immediately. 6-20-20 stopped vicodin after 5 years. Suffered akathesia. 7-20-20 to 11-13-20 mirtazapine. On 7.5 tapered for 8 weeks jumped off at 1.5 11/20 to Feb 3. .25 klonopin, tapered 4 weeks. Jumped off at .0935 present - med free. Still suffering from akathesia, insomnia,depression and anxiety melatonin 1mg. Magnesium 400mg daily Vicodin one week. Stopped 12-5-21 temezapam prn sonata sleeping pill. Prn tried kratom for one week 1-15-22 - symptoms - visual issues, dizziness, severe brain fog, suicidal ideations Link to comment
NoMoreLexapro Posted April 21, 2022 Share Posted April 21, 2022 Have you tried retrainingthebrain.com? Was on Lexapro for 66 days starting in early January. 5mg for a week, 10mg for 3, 7.5 for 3 days, then 5mg and 2.5mg for approx two weeks after. Was on Lithium for 60 days starting in late January. 1 300mg ER pill a day. Stopped CT Was given a .5 ativan script in early Jan. Took it maybe 20x total from early Jan to beg of June, 2020. -Fall of 2019: had two vertigo attacks for the first time with no warning, each followed by 4-5 days of morning dizziness. -Last Friday of 2019: had first ever, out of the blue, panic attack. Went to ER- didn't know what was happening. Was diagnosed w/GAD, even though had never had anxiety or depression problems before. Basically no health problems at all prior to this, and in very good shape emotionally, physically, and mentally. -4 days after panic attack given lexapro. That's when the hell began. Was on it 66 days. Reacted badly to it. Gave me suicidal ideation 4 wks after starting it, plus exhaustion, off the charts anxiety, dizziness, and fatigue. Did a fast taper over 5 wks. Was on it 66 days total. -been off lexapro completely since mid-March, 2020. First 3 weeks I got better and better. Then, week 4 into WD got slammed. Since then, over 64 side effects/symptoms. Can't drive. At times, barely surviving. -since Jan., have been to the e r 16x. -was given lithium after experienced SI from lexapro to as a "mood stabilizer". Never really noticed anything from it, nor anything after stopping it, except for a few days of heightened depression about a week after. -was given low dosage ativan script 2nd week into lexapro to deal with the anxiety/panic spike caused by the lexapro. Took it perhaps 20x between Jan and June, 2020. Always made me feel better, but last time it was taken (early June) experienced intrusive thoughts after so stopped it. Didn't feel any negative reaction from stopping it, perhaps b/c it was taken so infrequently and the dosage was so low. Link to comment
Shellbell Posted April 21, 2022 Author Share Posted April 21, 2022 @thenextguy no I haven’t. 5-28-20 given cymbalta. Had bad reaction. Stopped immediately. 6-20-20 stopped vicodin after 5 years. Suffered akathesia. 7-20-20 to 11-13-20 mirtazapine. On 7.5 tapered for 8 weeks jumped off at 1.5 11/20 to Feb 3. .25 klonopin, tapered 4 weeks. Jumped off at .0935 present - med free. Still suffering from akathesia, insomnia,depression and anxiety melatonin 1mg. Magnesium 400mg daily Vicodin one week. Stopped 12-5-21 temezapam prn sonata sleeping pill. Prn tried kratom for one week 1-15-22 - symptoms - visual issues, dizziness, severe brain fog, suicidal ideations Link to comment
NoMoreLexapro Posted April 21, 2022 Share Posted April 21, 2022 You should! It saved me and helped me heal ! Was on Lexapro for 66 days starting in early January. 5mg for a week, 10mg for 3, 7.5 for 3 days, then 5mg and 2.5mg for approx two weeks after. Was on Lithium for 60 days starting in late January. 1 300mg ER pill a day. Stopped CT Was given a .5 ativan script in early Jan. Took it maybe 20x total from early Jan to beg of June, 2020. -Fall of 2019: had two vertigo attacks for the first time with no warning, each followed by 4-5 days of morning dizziness. -Last Friday of 2019: had first ever, out of the blue, panic attack. Went to ER- didn't know what was happening. Was diagnosed w/GAD, even though had never had anxiety or depression problems before. Basically no health problems at all prior to this, and in very good shape emotionally, physically, and mentally. -4 days after panic attack given lexapro. That's when the hell began. Was on it 66 days. Reacted badly to it. Gave me suicidal ideation 4 wks after starting it, plus exhaustion, off the charts anxiety, dizziness, and fatigue. Did a fast taper over 5 wks. Was on it 66 days total. -been off lexapro completely since mid-March, 2020. First 3 weeks I got better and better. Then, week 4 into WD got slammed. Since then, over 64 side effects/symptoms. Can't drive. At times, barely surviving. -since Jan., have been to the e r 16x. -was given lithium after experienced SI from lexapro to as a "mood stabilizer". Never really noticed anything from it, nor anything after stopping it, except for a few days of heightened depression about a week after. -was given low dosage ativan script 2nd week into lexapro to deal with the anxiety/panic spike caused by the lexapro. Took it perhaps 20x between Jan and June, 2020. Always made me feel better, but last time it was taken (early June) experienced intrusive thoughts after so stopped it. Didn't feel any negative reaction from stopping it, perhaps b/c it was taken so infrequently and the dosage was so low. Link to comment
Shellbell Posted April 21, 2022 Author Share Posted April 21, 2022 Really really struggling every day blurry vision. Panic. Severe depression I know trying different meds for sleep is not a good idea but I’m just desperate. I’m on the verge of suicide and it’s horrible. I’m lost. Desperate and I don’t know what to do or where to turn 5-28-20 given cymbalta. Had bad reaction. Stopped immediately. 6-20-20 stopped vicodin after 5 years. Suffered akathesia. 7-20-20 to 11-13-20 mirtazapine. On 7.5 tapered for 8 weeks jumped off at 1.5 11/20 to Feb 3. .25 klonopin, tapered 4 weeks. Jumped off at .0935 present - med free. Still suffering from akathesia, insomnia,depression and anxiety melatonin 1mg. Magnesium 400mg daily Vicodin one week. Stopped 12-5-21 temezapam prn sonata sleeping pill. Prn tried kratom for one week 1-15-22 - symptoms - visual issues, dizziness, severe brain fog, suicidal ideations Link to comment
Mia1 Posted April 21, 2022 Share Posted April 21, 2022 Shellbell, Our nervous system really craves stability when we are healing and I believe that you are compounding your problem by adding three different drugs into the mix. I know insomnia is a very challenging symptom, I had it for a long time and have written a lot about it. The one thing that helped me the most was accepting the insomnia, shifting the focus to relaxing and listening to sleep sounds. My sleep is still disrupted but I sleep every night. It’s a paradoxical situation, the more you worry about not sleeping the more likely you won’t sleep. What I find it always comes back to is acceptance. What are you doing on a DAILY basis to help with your symptoms? What are your stress management practices? Most of this work must be done daily and on a consistent basis for it to work. There’s no easy fix but if you can put the work in you will start to feel better as you continue to heal. Why don’t you try some of the suggestions given to you? What do you have to lose? There’s nothing wrong with venting but it’s ultimately not going to change anything, you must do the work. And I have to say one last time that if you feel you are really on the verge of killing yourself you MUST seek professional help. Call a suicide hotline or your therapist if you have one or your doctor. There is no shame in needing help. There’s is no shame in needing medication if you can no longer cope. I’m concerned that one day you really may feel this is your only option. These are serious statements you make and must be treated as such. So please get the help you need if you are unable to do this on your own. You can do this but you have to stop fighting it every step of the way and you have to learn how to be kind to yourself and love yourself. What first step can you make right now to start the journey of self love and healing?? Completely drug free 11/26/22 🎉 Supplements: Magnesium citrate: 250 mg; Fish oil: 1200 mg “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - Victor Frankl Link to comment
Shellbell Posted April 21, 2022 Author Share Posted April 21, 2022 @Mia1 i always appreciate your kindness in responding to my posts. It is very kind I do work on myself every single day. I do everything that had been suggested to me. Your responses to me always make me feel like this is my fault I’m not getting better. And it really isn’t helpful to me. I don’t mean to be rude or unkind but I’m in a very sensitive situation and when someone makes a point to criticize me on what I am NOT doing. It’s a little disheartening. so yes. I meditate. I pray. I listen to soothing music. I have a weighted blanket. I practice acceptance. I’m not fighting my feelings. I’m simply expressing them here because I thought this was the place to do it. I’ve called hot lines. I’ve spoken to doctors. I’ve tried no medication. I’ve tried medication. I have two therapists I speak to every single week. I eat healthy. I am still working most days. I spend time outside. So I am doing everything I know how to do I will stop posting things that I’m struggling with. 5-28-20 given cymbalta. Had bad reaction. Stopped immediately. 6-20-20 stopped vicodin after 5 years. Suffered akathesia. 7-20-20 to 11-13-20 mirtazapine. On 7.5 tapered for 8 weeks jumped off at 1.5 11/20 to Feb 3. .25 klonopin, tapered 4 weeks. Jumped off at .0935 present - med free. Still suffering from akathesia, insomnia,depression and anxiety melatonin 1mg. Magnesium 400mg daily Vicodin one week. Stopped 12-5-21 temezapam prn sonata sleeping pill. Prn tried kratom for one week 1-15-22 - symptoms - visual issues, dizziness, severe brain fog, suicidal ideations Link to comment
Mia1 Posted April 21, 2022 Share Posted April 21, 2022 This is your thread @Shellbell to post what you want, I’m just really concerned about the frequency which you talk about suicide. It’s really serious to make those comments and not knowing you or your supports I feel an obligation to respond that you should seek professional help should you feel that desperate. I’m happy to hear that you have therapists you are talking to and that you have called hotlines. Keep doing that if you feel suicidal. I’m not criticizing you or blaming you, I’m trying to encourage you to be proactive in your healing. I have been following you for a while and responding with some frequency and have to say this is one of the first times you were able to actually share positive activities and techniques that you’re engaging in. I honestly had the impression from your posts that your life was hopeless and that absolutely nothing ever works for you so what’s the point. It honestly didn’t sound like you were engaging in any positive coping skills or techniques and I was concerned for you and simply trying to encourage you to try and find what methods could work for you to bring you some relief. So I’m happy that’s not the case and you have found things that work for you. I know this can be difficult and painful but it helps to stay as positive as you can and be mindful what you’re telling yourself. That being said it is your thread and you get to choose how you want to heal and what you want to focus on. You get to choose your own narrative. We’re all in a sensitive place, trying our best to heal and help others along the way to the best of our ability. With that said, I will no longer follow you or respond to anything you write so that you can feel comfortable being yourself. I wish you the best of luck in your recovery. Completely drug free 11/26/22 🎉 Supplements: Magnesium citrate: 250 mg; Fish oil: 1200 mg “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - Victor Frankl Link to comment
Shellbell Posted April 21, 2022 Author Share Posted April 21, 2022 👍 5-28-20 given cymbalta. Had bad reaction. Stopped immediately. 6-20-20 stopped vicodin after 5 years. Suffered akathesia. 7-20-20 to 11-13-20 mirtazapine. On 7.5 tapered for 8 weeks jumped off at 1.5 11/20 to Feb 3. .25 klonopin, tapered 4 weeks. Jumped off at .0935 present - med free. Still suffering from akathesia, insomnia,depression and anxiety melatonin 1mg. Magnesium 400mg daily Vicodin one week. Stopped 12-5-21 temezapam prn sonata sleeping pill. Prn tried kratom for one week 1-15-22 - symptoms - visual issues, dizziness, severe brain fog, suicidal ideations Link to comment
Shellbell Posted April 23, 2022 Author Share Posted April 23, 2022 I will be leaving this site. Deleting my account. Good luck to everyone. Wish you the best 5-28-20 given cymbalta. Had bad reaction. Stopped immediately. 6-20-20 stopped vicodin after 5 years. Suffered akathesia. 7-20-20 to 11-13-20 mirtazapine. On 7.5 tapered for 8 weeks jumped off at 1.5 11/20 to Feb 3. .25 klonopin, tapered 4 weeks. Jumped off at .0935 present - med free. Still suffering from akathesia, insomnia,depression and anxiety melatonin 1mg. Magnesium 400mg daily Vicodin one week. Stopped 12-5-21 temezapam prn sonata sleeping pill. Prn tried kratom for one week 1-15-22 - symptoms - visual issues, dizziness, severe brain fog, suicidal ideations Link to comment
thenextguy Posted April 23, 2022 Share Posted April 23, 2022 2 minutes ago, Shellbell said: I will be leaving this site. Deleting my account. Good luck to everyone. Wish you the best Why are you leaving? -Since 2017-ish I've been on Cymbalta & Mirtazapine. At max dose it was 120mg cymbalta and 45mg mirtazapine. This combo was meant to deal with a depressive episode and it worked. Over the next few years I tapered down from those high doses. I had tried to get off the cymbalta twice and had to reinstate twice. I don't remember when. Maybe 2018? 2019? -Since 2020 I've been stable 20mg cymbalta and 7.5mg mirtazapine (this is mainly for sleep now). I have come off of the mirtazapine before without trouble, but still take it occasionally for sleep. -August 2nd began taking 10mg prozac as a bridge to attempt to get off cymbalta. Took 10mg for about a week then 20mg for a few days. Stopped taking the cymbalta and was doing okay for a bit, but things didn't seem to get better and maybe have been getting worse. -8/25/2021 - 20mg cymbalta and struggling. Stopped the prozac. I'm struggling, but I can probably ride this out if I had to. My concern is that things will continue to get worse, as they seem to be doing. -8/29/2021 - things started to get worse. Probably prozac withdrawal. Reinstated 20mg prozac. -9/2/2021 - 20mg cymbalta, 5mg prozac, 7.5 mg mirtazapine --> 9/24/2021 - 20mg cymbalta, 5mg prozac, 3.75 mg mirtazapine --> 11/7/2021 - 20mg cymbalta, 3.75mg prozac, 3.75 mg mirtazapine --> 4/24/2022 - 20mg cymbalta, 3.75mg prozac --> 6/5/2022 - 20mg cymbalta, 3.33mg prozac Link to comment
Mia1 Posted July 16, 2022 Share Posted July 16, 2022 @ShellbellI’m happy to see you’re still on the site, I wanted to stop by and see how you are doing. 1 Completely drug free 11/26/22 🎉 Supplements: Magnesium citrate: 250 mg; Fish oil: 1200 mg “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - Victor Frankl Link to comment
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