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Kat66: should I reinstate or plough on drug free?


Kat66

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18 hours ago, Onmyway said:

What are your most significant symptoms right now? What coping strategies work to lessen them even if it's a tiny bit? 

Thank you OMW, for your encouraging words, I have more knowledge at this point in my WD journey than in the summer at the start of it so have developed coping strategies such as hot water bottles, blankets, and cups of tea, to try and replace the 'comfort' that a glass of wine or whiskey brought me. It's tough, but I'm getting there. It's all about trying to achieve that feeling of peace which as we all know can be so elusive.

My current symptoms are a crushing depression coupled with anhedonia and a loss of interest in everything. Oh, and awful irritability. When things are really bad like this I tend to just plonk myself on the sofa in front of the telly and just not talk. In my mind I tell myself 'this is all part of withdrawal, you will get through it, it's all withdrawal', and try to just let the horrible thoughts and feelings just pass through. It's not easy but it's the only way not to just go under and give up.

 

2 hours ago, Greatful said:

@Kat66

How are you doing?  I am feel better about my taper now when they told you to go ahead and taper off with out stabilizing more.  

We will definitely have to hold each other up.

We can do this❤️

Then hard part is the second guessing everything when we are in a bad spot....

Thoughts Thoughts Thoughts. How they want to rule over you......

Hang on the core person inside of you.  Get out of your mind......

Of course, you've just made a 10% cut haven't you? I hate thoughts, but reading about how the brain is altered by ADs and how the brain behaves when in WD, I find it comforting to know the thoughts are all just part of this process and should be disregarded. I mean thoughts are just thoughts anyway, but ESPECIALLY during WD they really are to just be ignored. I took some time yesterday to read some old journals of mine from the 80s, to see if I could recognise the person I was back then, as you say, the CORE person. I got a brief glimpse of her yesterday and today, but it'll be a long time before she comes back fully. Yes, we will get through this and we will hold each other up! xx

History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD. 1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac.2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019. 01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June. 25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp. 11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg. 16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg. 2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg.

8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg 1/11/22 1.1mg 3/3/23 1mg 18/4/23 0.9mg 2/6/23 0.8mg 4/10/23 0.7mg 11/11/23 jumped off @0.7mg started on 5htp 200mg -400mg, L-Theanine, and L-tyrosine 200mg. 25/11/23 came off 5-htp, l-tyrosine and l-Theanine. 24/12/23 went on 7.5mg mirtazapine. 27/12/23 stopped mirtazapine & reinstated citalopram @.35mg. 1/1/24 increased to 0.5mg. PTSD diagnosis October 2023. 11/11/23 started EMDR therapy for PTSD. Multiple unsuccessful attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; tapering off combined HRT. Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, vegan omega3. Completely OFF caffeine (since July 21). Finding it difficult to completely give up alcohol but haven’t had any since 25/12/23. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, intrusive thoughts, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia

 

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So, just journaling here, I made a 10% cut about a week ago. So far my symptoms haven't changed. I still feel depressed, disconnected, agitated, cognitively impaired, angry and irritated, and full of self hatred. So, no worse and no better. The world feels like a hostile and scary place. I mean, the WHOLE world. I can't see anything positive out there. Hopefully I will eventually. I've ordered a 'wellness' journal so I can put all of these thoughts down on paper. I hope that helps. I'm still off booze, exercising as much as I am able, avoiding stress as much as I can, but feeling angry with everything and everyone doesn't help with the stress reduction! Wishing everyone strength and healing xxx

History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD. 1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac.2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019. 01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June. 25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp. 11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg. 16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg. 2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg.

8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg 1/11/22 1.1mg 3/3/23 1mg 18/4/23 0.9mg 2/6/23 0.8mg 4/10/23 0.7mg 11/11/23 jumped off @0.7mg started on 5htp 200mg -400mg, L-Theanine, and L-tyrosine 200mg. 25/11/23 came off 5-htp, l-tyrosine and l-Theanine. 24/12/23 went on 7.5mg mirtazapine. 27/12/23 stopped mirtazapine & reinstated citalopram @.35mg. 1/1/24 increased to 0.5mg. PTSD diagnosis October 2023. 11/11/23 started EMDR therapy for PTSD. Multiple unsuccessful attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; tapering off combined HRT. Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, vegan omega3. Completely OFF caffeine (since July 21). Finding it difficult to completely give up alcohol but haven’t had any since 25/12/23. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, intrusive thoughts, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus
3 minutes ago, Kat66 said:

I'm still off booze, exercising as much as I am able, avoiding stress as much as I can

I'm glad to hear this.  Just a note of caution, intense exercise can fire up your nervous system, because it creates adrenaline.  

 

4 minutes ago, Kat66 said:

The world feels like a hostile and scary place. I mean, the WHOLE world. I can't see anything positive out there. Hopefully I will eventually.

 

4 minutes ago, Kat66 said:

feeling angry with everything and everyone doesn't help with the stress reduction!

Have you considered talking to a therapist about these feelings?  A good therapist can be really helpful with things like this.  Nowadays, one can get therapy online via Skype or FaceTime, etc.  Here are some links that talk address these types of things: 

 

Dialectical Behavior Therapy

 

Journalling

 

Cognitive Behavior Therapy

Please do not private message me.  Only tag me for urgent questions about tapering and reinstating - thank you.  

 

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

 

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 2010 - 10 mg;  started taper August 2017, recent taper info: Apr 2 '20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06, Nov 21 0.05, Dec. 17 0.04, Jan 14 '22 0.03, Feb 19 0.02, Apr 18 0.01, May 15 0.005,  Jul 8, 0.00.  Psych Drug Free as of July 8, 2022!!  Woohoo!!!

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

magnesium in small amounts at 4 AM, before bed

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, multivitamin, zinc

suppl 8 PM: magnesium 350 mg, extended release vitamin C, melatonin 2 mg

 

Paxil 2002 - 2010, switched to Lexapro 2010 

Trazodone 50 mg. 2002 - 2019, fast tapered in 2019 

Xanax 0.5 mg as needed 2002 - 2019, up to 3x weekly 

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13 minutes ago, getofflex said:

I'm glad to hear this.  Just a note of caution, intense exercise can fire up your nervous system, because it creates adrenaline.  

 

 

Have you considered talking to a therapist about these feelings?  A good therapist can be really helpful with things like this.  Nowadays, one can get therapy online via Skype or FaceTime, etc.  Here are some links that talk address these types of things: 

 

Dialectical Behavior Therapy

 

Journalling

 

Cognitive Behavior Therapy

Hi @getofflex I'm only doing stuff like yoga, pilates, and low impact/light workouts, and always follow it with a long stretch and meditation. 

As regards the anger, I was hoping it is just another WD symptom which will pass with time but if you think it may help to talk to someone I should probably look into it. I am actually on a waiting list for CBT at the moment. Thanks for the links. I hope you're doing OK? xx

History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD. 1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac.2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019. 01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June. 25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp. 11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg. 16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg. 2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg.

8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg 1/11/22 1.1mg 3/3/23 1mg 18/4/23 0.9mg 2/6/23 0.8mg 4/10/23 0.7mg 11/11/23 jumped off @0.7mg started on 5htp 200mg -400mg, L-Theanine, and L-tyrosine 200mg. 25/11/23 came off 5-htp, l-tyrosine and l-Theanine. 24/12/23 went on 7.5mg mirtazapine. 27/12/23 stopped mirtazapine & reinstated citalopram @.35mg. 1/1/24 increased to 0.5mg. PTSD diagnosis October 2023. 11/11/23 started EMDR therapy for PTSD. Multiple unsuccessful attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; tapering off combined HRT. Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, vegan omega3. Completely OFF caffeine (since July 21). Finding it difficult to completely give up alcohol but haven’t had any since 25/12/23. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, intrusive thoughts, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia

 

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  • Mentor

@Kat66

I have been wondering how you are feeling.  I can really feel you pain.  I really hope things level out and you get  a break.  Did you look into a weighted blanket?  I really like the meditation music, I have it on sometimes as I am playing on my tablet. Here is a link to it, use it as white noise at night, meditating, back ground noise during the day. 

https://youtu.be/LFGsZ6ythQQ

Happiness frequency music with binaural beats alpha waves. Alpha waves will help to release serotonin, dopamine and endorphin during your relaxation session. Binaural beats

 

 

If only we could scream and shout from the roof top of the injustice big pharma has done to us.  The whole world needs to know that the Doctors and Big Pharma are not disclosing all the potential dangers of these drugs and also how hard it can be to get off of them.  Let the patients make a informed decision to take these or not.  How many end up going taking a "add on" because the antidepressant they are on is not working,  Duh maybe stop the one al least before trying another one.  Or else maybe you really don't need it and the drug is making you sick.

Rant Rant Rant.............

 

I got hit pretty hard for several days, the sound sensitivity was way up.  Today is day 21 of my cut and feeling a little better today.

Do you have D/R or D/P?   Sounds like a lot of neuro emotions for you. Do you get ruminating, obsessing, ocd thoughts?

 

We can do this Kat❤️

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/24894-greatful-is-this-withdrawal-or-to-many-med-changes-at-once/

1995? Prozac,  tried several Paxil, Serzone, St John's Wart back to Prozac and Trazodone ct:d Traz

 Lexapro. Tried to stop Crash in 2015  Kindled   Hospitalized, Vybrid, Seroquel, Effexor, Abilify  Pristiq, Wellbutrin-- 2016  ended back on   Prozac and Lamictal 200mg

5/2020  thru 12/2020 taper from 20mg  Prozac  down to 3mg.  Crashed  12/13/2020 Zoloft 50mg 1/29ct  1/29/2021 Seroquel 50mg ct  2/12/2021 Wellbutrin 75mg.  Became hypo manic 2/1  6ct Trazodone 50mg 4/25  25mg 2/5/ 2021 Lamictal 150mg.  2/24  100mg   4/9  75mg   4/21 37.5 

2/16/2021 Seroquel 50xr  3/3 100mg  3/17  150mg  side effects ct   4/3 2021 Lexapro 5mg  4/14  7.5mg  4/30 10mg  5/10  7.5mg 

2021/ 5/16  5mg Lexapro   37.5 Lamictal   25mg trazadone,   xanax  .0625mg  3x a day   

Lexapro  Taper> Sept/01/2021  4.90mg>  Sept/25  4.75mg>   Oct/19 4.69mg > Nov/14 4.2mg    Jan/30/2022-- Split dosing 2x a day All liquid  4.2mg  (2.20mg at 8am & 2mg at 4pm) 2/17 4mg>  2/24  3.8mg  slow taper to  Aug/12/2022 2.04mg  2023> 2mg,  1.90mg, 1.80mg, 1.70mg, 1.5mg, 1.4mg, 1.3mg 1.2mg, 1.1mg, 1mg, 0.9mg, 0.8mg, 0.7mg 0.65mg, 0.6mg, 0.55mg, 0.5mg, 0.45mg, 0.4mg, 0.35mg, 0.3mg, 0.25,mg, back to once a day dosing 0 .1mg, 0.07mg

Lamictal  taper  4/17/ 2022 25mg, 9/9/ 22 -20mg, 9/25/22- 15mg , 10/20/22-   0

 Trazodone..2023.>down to 14mg, 7mg, 6mg  July 2023   0

Xanax  0.0625 3 x a day,  2023>  0.042 3x a day

Supplements  Magnesium glycinate, Omega 3, D3, vitamin c , zinc, NAC 

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1 hour ago, Greatful said:

@Kat66

I have been wondering how you are feeling.  I can really feel you pain.  I really hope things level out and you get  a break.  Did you look into a weighted blanket?  I really like the meditation music, I have it on sometimes as I am playing on my tablet. Here is a link to it, use it as white noise at night, meditating, back ground noise during the day. 

https://youtu.be/LFGsZ6ythQQ

Happiness frequency music with binaural beats alpha waves. Alpha waves will help to release serotonin, dopamine and endorphin during your relaxation session. Binaural beats

This kind of music is the only kind of music I can stand to listen to right now. It's basically on in the car and when Im on my PC. I'll check out that link though, I'm not sure whether its true about releasing serotonin and dopamine but hey at this point I'll try anything (except red wine ;)) I'm just looking into weighted blankets now, it had slipped my mind (like everything these days). What blanket do you use? (There are loads out there and I don't know where to start!)

 

1 hour ago, Greatful said:

If only we could scream and shout from the roof top of the injustice big pharma has done to us.  The whole world needs to know that the Doctors and Big Pharma are not disclosing all the potential dangers of these drugs and also how hard it can be to get off of them.  Let the patients make a informed decision to take these or not.  How many end up going taking a "add on" because the antidepressant they are on is not working,  Duh maybe stop the one al least before trying another one.  Or else maybe you really don't need it and the drug is making you sick.

Rant Rant Rant.............

I must admit, I'm starting to get really angry about this. I wasn't initially, but the more I read about what so many people are going through on here and elsewhere, the more I realise this could be argued as criminal activity. Basically ruining the lives of countless thousands of people by not disclosing the dangers of these drugs.

 

 

1 hour ago, Greatful said:

I got hit pretty hard for several days, the sound sensitivity was way up.  Today is day 21 of my cut and feeling a little better today.

Do you have D/R or D/P?   Sounds like a lot of neuro emotions for you. Do you get ruminating, obsessing, ocd thoughts?

 

We can do this Kat❤️

 

Sounds horrible...but I'm glad you're feeling a little better. Every improvement is huge, right?

I'm not sure I get DP or DR, I mean I feel disconnected a lot emotionally from the world but I think that could be just the anhedonia/emotional anesthesia. Also, this whole WD experience is so isolating that doesn't help with the feelings of disconnection. So maybe, maybe not. Yes, the neuroemotions are severe, as are the ruminating and obsessing. I mostly ruminate about my marriage. It doesn't seem like 5 minutes since I saw my husband as the centre of my universe and actually said to him that I can't imagine carrying on if he died. Now I feel so disconnected from him I'm not sure those feelings will ever return, even though, at some deep level somewhere, I 'know' they could be there. This drives me crazy, but I try to tell myself this is all withdrawal BS.

Do you ruminate?

 

1 hour ago, Greatful said:

 

We can do this Kat❤️

 

Yes we can!! xxx

History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD. 1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac.2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019. 01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June. 25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp. 11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg. 16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg. 2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg.

8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg 1/11/22 1.1mg 3/3/23 1mg 18/4/23 0.9mg 2/6/23 0.8mg 4/10/23 0.7mg 11/11/23 jumped off @0.7mg started on 5htp 200mg -400mg, L-Theanine, and L-tyrosine 200mg. 25/11/23 came off 5-htp, l-tyrosine and l-Theanine. 24/12/23 went on 7.5mg mirtazapine. 27/12/23 stopped mirtazapine & reinstated citalopram @.35mg. 1/1/24 increased to 0.5mg. PTSD diagnosis October 2023. 11/11/23 started EMDR therapy for PTSD. Multiple unsuccessful attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; tapering off combined HRT. Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, vegan omega3. Completely OFF caffeine (since July 21). Finding it difficult to completely give up alcohol but haven’t had any since 25/12/23. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, intrusive thoughts, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia

 

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Update: for the last two weeks I have been in a state of what can only be described as unbearable hell. I didn’t realise depression could be this horrible. Anhedonia and irritability/anger are there in great measure too, especially the emotional anaesthesia. I feel nothing.
 

As a result I’m quite close to wondering if I should go up in dose to get some relief or just go up to a full therapeutic dose as I’m not sure how much more I can take. My marriage is suffering as I’m such a horrible person to live with, and my life has basically ground to a halt. Can anyone advise please re dosage? @Onmyway @ChessieCat @Shep

History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD. 1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac.2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019. 01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June. 25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp. 11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg. 16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg. 2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg.

8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg 1/11/22 1.1mg 3/3/23 1mg 18/4/23 0.9mg 2/6/23 0.8mg 4/10/23 0.7mg 11/11/23 jumped off @0.7mg started on 5htp 200mg -400mg, L-Theanine, and L-tyrosine 200mg. 25/11/23 came off 5-htp, l-tyrosine and l-Theanine. 24/12/23 went on 7.5mg mirtazapine. 27/12/23 stopped mirtazapine & reinstated citalopram @.35mg. 1/1/24 increased to 0.5mg. PTSD diagnosis October 2023. 11/11/23 started EMDR therapy for PTSD. Multiple unsuccessful attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; tapering off combined HRT. Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, vegan omega3. Completely OFF caffeine (since July 21). Finding it difficult to completely give up alcohol but haven’t had any since 25/12/23. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, intrusive thoughts, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia

 

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  • Moderator

Hi @Kat66

I am so sorry you are going through all that. It seems horrible. In general my view has been that it's better to not make changes up or down because this is most likely a wave and it will get better but if things are unbearable then you can try an updose. Have they become unbearable in the last few weeks only? I see from your signature that you have made a cut in the last week. Why did you decide to do this if you were already suffering? Or is this only last week after the taper that this has happened? 


If you do updose, I would try going back to your previous dose of 2mg rather than to the full dose. Your body has adapted since you came off of the drug and the full dose reinstatement can send you into a full tailspin. I would suggest try 2mg for a couple of days and see if things get better or worse. If they get better, stay for a week and then can updose a tiny bit more if not enough. If they don't get better, then go back to the previous dose. 

 

However, my suspicion is that however unpleasant this is, it might be temporary from the latest cut and does not mean that you will feel like this for a long time. If you don't updose, however, I would not be doing any more cuts for a very long time, you need time to stabilize!

 

 

Hope you feel better very soon. Have you tried any of the non-drug techniques? I know they don't always work but even a little bit helps sometimes. 


OMW

 

"Nothing so small as a moment is insurmountable, and moments are all that we have. You have survived every trial and tribulation that life has thrown at you up until this very instant. When future troubles come—and they will come—a version of you will be born into that moment that can conquer them, too." - Kevin Koenig 

 

I am not a doctor and this should not be considered medical advice. You can use the information and recommendations provided in whatever way you want and all decisions on your treatment are yours. 

 

In the next few weeks I do not have a lot of capacity to respond to questions. If you need a quick answer pls tag or ask other moderators who may want to be tagged. 

 

Aug  2000 - July 2003 (ct, 4-6 wk wd) , citalopram 20 mg,  xanax prn, wellbutrin for a few months, trazodone prn 

Dec 2004 - July 2018 citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn (rarely used)

Aug 2018 - citalopram 40 mg (self titrated up)

September 2018 - January 2019 tapered citalopram - 40/30/20/10/5 no issues until a week after reaching 0

Feb 2019 0.25 xanax - 0.5/day (3 weeks) over to klonopin 0.25 once a day to manage severe wd

March 6, reinstated citalopram 2.5 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 mg for sleep 2-3 times a week

Apr 1st citalopram 2.0 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 once a week (off by 4/14/19- no tapering)

citalopram (liquid) 4/14/19 -1.8 mg, 5/8/19 - 1.6 mg,  7/27/19 -1.5 mg,  8/15/19 - 1.35, 2/21/21 - 1.1 (smaller drops in between), 6/20/21 - 1.03 mg, 8/7/21- 1.025, 8/11/21 - 1.02, 8/15/21 - 1.015, 9/3/21 - 0.925 (fingers crossed!), 10/8/21 - 0.9, 10/18/21 - 0.875, 12/31/21 - 0.85, 1/7/22 - 0.825, 1/14/22 - 0.8, 1/22/22 - 0.785, 8/18/22 - 0.59, 12/15/2022 - 0.48, 2/15/22 - 0.43, 25/07/23 - 0.25 (mistake), 6/08/23 - 0.33mg

 

Supplements: magnesium citrate and bi-glycinate

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Hi @Onmyway thanks for your quick reply!   I’d been feeling like this before the cut for about a week, so it could like you say be an ongoing wave. I think Shep said something a while back about if I’ve not felt any better since reinstatement in July, I should get off completely. So I made the decision to make the cut. So your suggestion would be to go back up to 2mg then a tiny bit more of necessary. What would you suggest, 2.5? Then if that updose doesn’t do anything within, say, a week, go back down to 2 and basically just stay there for the foreseeable? I do a lot of non drug techniques like meditation, deep breathing, acceptance. Sometimes they help, but things are so bad right now nothing other than sleep brings any kind of relief. 

History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD. 1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac.2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019. 01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June. 25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp. 11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg. 16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg. 2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg.

8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg 1/11/22 1.1mg 3/3/23 1mg 18/4/23 0.9mg 2/6/23 0.8mg 4/10/23 0.7mg 11/11/23 jumped off @0.7mg started on 5htp 200mg -400mg, L-Theanine, and L-tyrosine 200mg. 25/11/23 came off 5-htp, l-tyrosine and l-Theanine. 24/12/23 went on 7.5mg mirtazapine. 27/12/23 stopped mirtazapine & reinstated citalopram @.35mg. 1/1/24 increased to 0.5mg. PTSD diagnosis October 2023. 11/11/23 started EMDR therapy for PTSD. Multiple unsuccessful attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; tapering off combined HRT. Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, vegan omega3. Completely OFF caffeine (since July 21). Finding it difficult to completely give up alcohol but haven’t had any since 25/12/23. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, intrusive thoughts, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia

 

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  • Moderator

Hi @Kat66

 

so from what I understand since your last up-dose in August to 2mg you had been doing well (with some setback from alcohol?) but generally better than before the reinstatement and updose to 2 in August. Then about mid November you started feeling bad again and then decided to lower the dose.  I wonder if the lower dose comes down to withdrawal from alcohol. I don't know how much and how regularly you drank (I remember some discussion about this but not much) but that seems to be about a week after you stopped alcohol. 

 

The advice that we usually give is that if reinstatement doesn't work you should stop but within a week or so, not 3 months later. If things are bad, the best course of action is to not make any more changes. The theory is that things are bad right now because of destabilization not just because of lack of serotonin so increasing serotonin may not help. But we know little so if you want to try and up-dose, you can but go carefully and track your symptoms. This is to minimize potential further destabilization. So if you want to up-dose - go to 2mg, if you don't feel immediately worse, stay there for a week. If you feel better but not enough, you can go up a bit more 2.1mg let's say and re-evaluate. If you feel worse, you can stop quickly. If nothing changes my advice would be to go down but you may decide to try a bit more. 

 

What are you doing to take care of yourself? Are you managing to get out for a walk? Are you sleeping OK? 

 

I would also stop or substantially lower all of these - B12, vitD, valerian and lemon balm tea

B12 and vitD are activating and cause anxiety/edginess and valerian and lemon balm can be sedating (downers). I can't handle vitD at all and lemon balm makes me depressed sometimes in addition to calming. 

 

Hope you feel better soon, 
OMW

"Nothing so small as a moment is insurmountable, and moments are all that we have. You have survived every trial and tribulation that life has thrown at you up until this very instant. When future troubles come—and they will come—a version of you will be born into that moment that can conquer them, too." - Kevin Koenig 

 

I am not a doctor and this should not be considered medical advice. You can use the information and recommendations provided in whatever way you want and all decisions on your treatment are yours. 

 

In the next few weeks I do not have a lot of capacity to respond to questions. If you need a quick answer pls tag or ask other moderators who may want to be tagged. 

 

Aug  2000 - July 2003 (ct, 4-6 wk wd) , citalopram 20 mg,  xanax prn, wellbutrin for a few months, trazodone prn 

Dec 2004 - July 2018 citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn (rarely used)

Aug 2018 - citalopram 40 mg (self titrated up)

September 2018 - January 2019 tapered citalopram - 40/30/20/10/5 no issues until a week after reaching 0

Feb 2019 0.25 xanax - 0.5/day (3 weeks) over to klonopin 0.25 once a day to manage severe wd

March 6, reinstated citalopram 2.5 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 mg for sleep 2-3 times a week

Apr 1st citalopram 2.0 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 once a week (off by 4/14/19- no tapering)

citalopram (liquid) 4/14/19 -1.8 mg, 5/8/19 - 1.6 mg,  7/27/19 -1.5 mg,  8/15/19 - 1.35, 2/21/21 - 1.1 (smaller drops in between), 6/20/21 - 1.03 mg, 8/7/21- 1.025, 8/11/21 - 1.02, 8/15/21 - 1.015, 9/3/21 - 0.925 (fingers crossed!), 10/8/21 - 0.9, 10/18/21 - 0.875, 12/31/21 - 0.85, 1/7/22 - 0.825, 1/14/22 - 0.8, 1/22/22 - 0.785, 8/18/22 - 0.59, 12/15/2022 - 0.48, 2/15/22 - 0.43, 25/07/23 - 0.25 (mistake), 6/08/23 - 0.33mg

 

Supplements: magnesium citrate and bi-glycinate

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19 hours ago, Onmyway said:

so from what I understand since your last up-dose in August to 2mg you had been doing well (with some setback from alcohol?) but generally better than before the reinstatement and updose to 2 in August. Then about mid November you started feeling bad again and then decided to lower the dose.  I wonder if the lower dose comes down to withdrawal from alcohol. I don't know how much and how regularly you drank (I remember some discussion about this but not much) but that seems to be about a week after you stopped alcohol. 

Hi @Onmyway, so it depends what you mean by 'doing well'. I had symptoms in the early days of reinstatement yes, but was functioning at a reasonable level. It's interesting that you identify a correlation between stopping alcohol for good and a worsening of symptoms shortly afterwards. I NEVER thought of that, primarily because I was (am?) not a heavy drinker. I would have the odd glass of wine, and the odd shot of whisky or two, and tried to keep it down to a couple of nights a week. Perhaps earlier on in the reinstatement I was drinking a little more (before I knew better) but I wasn't drinking heavily every night or anything. So even drinking a moderate amount then stopping could have caused this worsening of symptoms do you think? Wow, that's scary. And I take it that 'extreme' reaction to stopping alcohol is again down to a messed up CNS?

 

19 hours ago, Onmyway said:

What are you doing to take care of yourself? Are you managing to get out for a walk? Are you sleeping OK? 

Thanks for the advice about dosing. Self care is an ongoing project. I have been until recently working out 3/4 times a week for 30 mins but am unable to do that any more. I'm going to start doing yoga instead. I already go out walking with our dogs. I meditate and talk to friends and my husband, all of whom are supportive. I've applied for CBT therapy on the NHS but am thinking of going private to get some talk therapy sooner. I'm trying to keep stress to a minimum (not easy - life happens!) Sleep-wise, I go to bed around 10pm but always wake up around 2 am and can't stop ruminating. I then find it very difficult to fall back asleep but do eventually. So sleep could be better. I listen to a lot of 'meditation music' and soundscapes to relax.

 

19 hours ago, Onmyway said:

I would also stop or substantially lower all of these - B12, vitD, valerian and lemon balm tea

B12 and vitD are activating and cause anxiety/edginess and valerian and lemon balm can be sedating (downers). I can't handle vitD at all and lemon balm makes me depressed sometimes in addition to calming. 

Wow, that I find shocking! I didn't realise something so innocuous as vit b12 and D could be so activating, by activating I assume you mean destabilising the CNS? It's worrying though, because B12 and D are essential for health.....I guess I should stay off all of that for quite a while then?

 

Thanks for taking the time to reply at such length I really appreciate it! xx

 

 

History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD. 1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac.2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019. 01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June. 25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp. 11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg. 16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg. 2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg.

8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg 1/11/22 1.1mg 3/3/23 1mg 18/4/23 0.9mg 2/6/23 0.8mg 4/10/23 0.7mg 11/11/23 jumped off @0.7mg started on 5htp 200mg -400mg, L-Theanine, and L-tyrosine 200mg. 25/11/23 came off 5-htp, l-tyrosine and l-Theanine. 24/12/23 went on 7.5mg mirtazapine. 27/12/23 stopped mirtazapine & reinstated citalopram @.35mg. 1/1/24 increased to 0.5mg. PTSD diagnosis October 2023. 11/11/23 started EMDR therapy for PTSD. Multiple unsuccessful attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; tapering off combined HRT. Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, vegan omega3. Completely OFF caffeine (since July 21). Finding it difficult to completely give up alcohol but haven’t had any since 25/12/23. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, intrusive thoughts, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia

 

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  • Mentor

@Kat66

I can truly relate to your panic and horrible discomfort.  I got to my worst point in a long time last weekend.  All I could think about is a new drug, quick fix.  I thought I could not endure anymore.

Thank goodness my panic of adding a new chemical to the brain and fast WD of off Lex had my panic of my brain totally going away into chemical abyss took over.

I am feeling stronger and my brain is a little quieter.   A 10% cut can do a big change but the brain will  adjust.❤️

Hang in there girl.❤️

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/24894-greatful-is-this-withdrawal-or-to-many-med-changes-at-once/

1995? Prozac,  tried several Paxil, Serzone, St John's Wart back to Prozac and Trazodone ct:d Traz

 Lexapro. Tried to stop Crash in 2015  Kindled   Hospitalized, Vybrid, Seroquel, Effexor, Abilify  Pristiq, Wellbutrin-- 2016  ended back on   Prozac and Lamictal 200mg

5/2020  thru 12/2020 taper from 20mg  Prozac  down to 3mg.  Crashed  12/13/2020 Zoloft 50mg 1/29ct  1/29/2021 Seroquel 50mg ct  2/12/2021 Wellbutrin 75mg.  Became hypo manic 2/1  6ct Trazodone 50mg 4/25  25mg 2/5/ 2021 Lamictal 150mg.  2/24  100mg   4/9  75mg   4/21 37.5 

2/16/2021 Seroquel 50xr  3/3 100mg  3/17  150mg  side effects ct   4/3 2021 Lexapro 5mg  4/14  7.5mg  4/30 10mg  5/10  7.5mg 

2021/ 5/16  5mg Lexapro   37.5 Lamictal   25mg trazadone,   xanax  .0625mg  3x a day   

Lexapro  Taper> Sept/01/2021  4.90mg>  Sept/25  4.75mg>   Oct/19 4.69mg > Nov/14 4.2mg    Jan/30/2022-- Split dosing 2x a day All liquid  4.2mg  (2.20mg at 8am & 2mg at 4pm) 2/17 4mg>  2/24  3.8mg  slow taper to  Aug/12/2022 2.04mg  2023> 2mg,  1.90mg, 1.80mg, 1.70mg, 1.5mg, 1.4mg, 1.3mg 1.2mg, 1.1mg, 1mg, 0.9mg, 0.8mg, 0.7mg 0.65mg, 0.6mg, 0.55mg, 0.5mg, 0.45mg, 0.4mg, 0.35mg, 0.3mg, 0.25,mg, back to once a day dosing 0 .1mg, 0.07mg

Lamictal  taper  4/17/ 2022 25mg, 9/9/ 22 -20mg, 9/25/22- 15mg , 10/20/22-   0

 Trazodone..2023.>down to 14mg, 7mg, 6mg  July 2023   0

Xanax  0.0625 3 x a day,  2023>  0.042 3x a day

Supplements  Magnesium glycinate, Omega 3, D3, vitamin c , zinc, NAC 

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1 hour ago, Greatful said:

@Kat66

I can truly relate to your panic and horrible discomfort.  I got to my worst point in a long time last weekend.  All I could think about is a new drug, quick fix.  I thought I could not endure anymore.

Thank goodness my panic of adding a new chemical to the brain and fast WD of off Lex had my panic of my brain totally going away into chemical abyss took over.

I am feeling stronger and my brain is a little quieter.   A 10% cut can do a big change but the brain will  adjust.❤️

Hang in there girl.❤️

You know the longer this goes on, the more I'm clinging to the words of everyone on here for dear life. And I value your words so much you wouldn't believe. OMW's extremely comprehensive reply too leaves me so grateful that this site exists. I've even wondered about buying a bible and reading that, even though I am not a Christian, just to get some spiritual comfort! I'm so sorry you were suffering too. It sounds like you felt like me at one point - just get me on something, fast! But it's so good to read you're feeling calmer xxx

History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD. 1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac.2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019. 01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June. 25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp. 11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg. 16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg. 2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg.

8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg 1/11/22 1.1mg 3/3/23 1mg 18/4/23 0.9mg 2/6/23 0.8mg 4/10/23 0.7mg 11/11/23 jumped off @0.7mg started on 5htp 200mg -400mg, L-Theanine, and L-tyrosine 200mg. 25/11/23 came off 5-htp, l-tyrosine and l-Theanine. 24/12/23 went on 7.5mg mirtazapine. 27/12/23 stopped mirtazapine & reinstated citalopram @.35mg. 1/1/24 increased to 0.5mg. PTSD diagnosis October 2023. 11/11/23 started EMDR therapy for PTSD. Multiple unsuccessful attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; tapering off combined HRT. Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, vegan omega3. Completely OFF caffeine (since July 21). Finding it difficult to completely give up alcohol but haven’t had any since 25/12/23. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, intrusive thoughts, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia

 

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  • Moderator
5 hours ago, Kat66 said:

Hi @Onmyway, so it depends what you mean by 'doing well'. I had symptoms in the early days of reinstatement yes, but was functioning at a reasonable level. It's interesting that you identify a correlation between stopping alcohol for good and a worsening of symptoms shortly afterwards. I NEVER thought of that, primarily because I was (am?) not a heavy drinker. I would have the odd glass of wine, and the odd shot of whisky or two, and tried to keep it down to a couple of nights a week. Perhaps earlier on in the reinstatement I was drinking a little more (before I knew better) but I wasn't drinking heavily every night or anything. So even drinking a moderate amount then stopping could have caused this worsening of symptoms do you think? Wow, that's scary. And I take it that 'extreme' reaction to stopping alcohol is again down to a messed up CNS?

Hi @Kat66,

 

I am not saying that alcohol withdrawal has definitely caused your increased symptoms but in our super sensitized CNS any change in chemicals can be important. I was never a big drinker but got proper drunk from non-pasteurized fermented orange juice during WD, like buckling knees and dizzy drunk. That is because small amounts of medicines and supplements can have big effects on us. I also think, especially in the UK, people underestimate their drinking (at least my friends do) - according to the NIAAA, heavy alcohol use is considered  to be  consuming more than 3 drinks on any day or more than 7 drinks per week. (1) And our bodies easily adapt to any neuro substance. But the good thing is, this will get better with patience, your body is just doing more adapting. Like many who have side effects from drugs you you are stuck between a rock and a hard place with alcohol - quit and you have some withdrawal and stay and you have other issues.  

 

(1) Drinking Levels Defined | National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) (nih.gov)

 

5 hours ago, Kat66 said:

Thanks for the advice about dosing. Self care is an ongoing project. I have been until recently working out 3/4 times a week for 30 mins but am unable to do that any more. I'm going to start doing yoga instead. I already go out walking with our dogs. I meditate and talk to friends and my husband, all of whom are supportive. I've applied for CBT therapy on the NHS but am thinking of going private to get some talk therapy sooner. I'm trying to keep stress to a minimum (not easy - life happens!) Sleep-wise, I go to bed around 10pm but always wake up around 2 am and can't stop ruminating. I then find it very difficult to fall back asleep but do eventually. So sleep could be better. I listen to a lot of 'meditation music' and soundscapes to relax.

 

Are you waking up with terrors when you wake up at 2? This is one of the examples of hyperarousal. Can you get up and distract/ground yourself when you wake up at 2? Read a book, watch TV, change your place in the house? I am not necessarily recommending this, but I have started taking a baby aspirin (50mg) at bedtime which is supposed to lower cortisol in the morning - it is not a SA recommendation, just something I have been experimenting with which seems to have helped a bit with cortisol mornings. But be careful with aspirin - if you have stomach issues or if it can interact with other things you are taking, don't do it. In my case the change may be also because I have been holding for a while. 

 

5 hours ago, Kat66 said:

 

Wow, that I find shocking! I didn't realise something so innocuous as vit b12 and D could be so activating, by activating I assume you mean destabilising the CNS? It's worrying though, because B12 and D are essential for health.....I guess I should stay off all of that for quite a while then?

 

Thanks for taking the time to reply at such length I really appreciate it! xx

 

VitD is a neurohormone and in the UK you kind of have to take it (I am constantly deficient) so if you do need to take it, take a very low dose. It accumulates in the body so if you have been taking it consistently, you may have some reserves. B12 is neuro active, all B vitamins are (I think). Check out the threads on them on the forums. If you eat meat and eggs B12 should not be an issue, otherwise, try to get the lowest possible sufficient dose. You still need them - they can mess you up if you don't get them either but go with the lowest possible dose. 

 

It is good that you are doing your best at self care. Yoga should help, walking with the dogs should help, talk therapy might help (but choose well - interview therapists before if you go privately), getting hugs from the dogs should also lower cortisol. It seems you are doing all the right things and I think things will get better for you over time and I suspect this wave will pass soon as well. You may not be back to pre-withdrawal levels but you should be at least to more manageable levels. 

 

Take good care of yourself :)
OMW

 

 

"Nothing so small as a moment is insurmountable, and moments are all that we have. You have survived every trial and tribulation that life has thrown at you up until this very instant. When future troubles come—and they will come—a version of you will be born into that moment that can conquer them, too." - Kevin Koenig 

 

I am not a doctor and this should not be considered medical advice. You can use the information and recommendations provided in whatever way you want and all decisions on your treatment are yours. 

 

In the next few weeks I do not have a lot of capacity to respond to questions. If you need a quick answer pls tag or ask other moderators who may want to be tagged. 

 

Aug  2000 - July 2003 (ct, 4-6 wk wd) , citalopram 20 mg,  xanax prn, wellbutrin for a few months, trazodone prn 

Dec 2004 - July 2018 citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn (rarely used)

Aug 2018 - citalopram 40 mg (self titrated up)

September 2018 - January 2019 tapered citalopram - 40/30/20/10/5 no issues until a week after reaching 0

Feb 2019 0.25 xanax - 0.5/day (3 weeks) over to klonopin 0.25 once a day to manage severe wd

March 6, reinstated citalopram 2.5 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 mg for sleep 2-3 times a week

Apr 1st citalopram 2.0 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 once a week (off by 4/14/19- no tapering)

citalopram (liquid) 4/14/19 -1.8 mg, 5/8/19 - 1.6 mg,  7/27/19 -1.5 mg,  8/15/19 - 1.35, 2/21/21 - 1.1 (smaller drops in between), 6/20/21 - 1.03 mg, 8/7/21- 1.025, 8/11/21 - 1.02, 8/15/21 - 1.015, 9/3/21 - 0.925 (fingers crossed!), 10/8/21 - 0.9, 10/18/21 - 0.875, 12/31/21 - 0.85, 1/7/22 - 0.825, 1/14/22 - 0.8, 1/22/22 - 0.785, 8/18/22 - 0.59, 12/15/2022 - 0.48, 2/15/22 - 0.43, 25/07/23 - 0.25 (mistake), 6/08/23 - 0.33mg

 

Supplements: magnesium citrate and bi-glycinate

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20 hours ago, Onmyway said:

got proper drunk from non-pasteurized fermented orange juice during WD, like buckling knees and dizzy drunk.

 

Wow! That's insane.

20 hours ago, Onmyway said:

 

Are you waking up with terrors when you wake up at 2? This is one of the examples of hyperarousal.

 

Can you define terrors?

History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD. 1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac.2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019. 01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June. 25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp. 11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg. 16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg. 2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg.

8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg 1/11/22 1.1mg 3/3/23 1mg 18/4/23 0.9mg 2/6/23 0.8mg 4/10/23 0.7mg 11/11/23 jumped off @0.7mg started on 5htp 200mg -400mg, L-Theanine, and L-tyrosine 200mg. 25/11/23 came off 5-htp, l-tyrosine and l-Theanine. 24/12/23 went on 7.5mg mirtazapine. 27/12/23 stopped mirtazapine & reinstated citalopram @.35mg. 1/1/24 increased to 0.5mg. PTSD diagnosis October 2023. 11/11/23 started EMDR therapy for PTSD. Multiple unsuccessful attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; tapering off combined HRT. Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, vegan omega3. Completely OFF caffeine (since July 21). Finding it difficult to completely give up alcohol but haven’t had any since 25/12/23. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, intrusive thoughts, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia

 

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So today I can't settle to anything, I'm really shaky and jittery and my ability to focus on anything is gone. I'm trying to read a whole load of stuff on here but literally can't concentrate on any of it. I struggle to read anything through at all. I feel like I've put my finger in a power socket and now my entire body is being 'shocked'.....

 

But I choose to accept it and get through the day as best I can. What else can I do?

 

Wishing everyone healing thoughts xxx

History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD. 1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac.2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019. 01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June. 25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp. 11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg. 16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg. 2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg.

8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg 1/11/22 1.1mg 3/3/23 1mg 18/4/23 0.9mg 2/6/23 0.8mg 4/10/23 0.7mg 11/11/23 jumped off @0.7mg started on 5htp 200mg -400mg, L-Theanine, and L-tyrosine 200mg. 25/11/23 came off 5-htp, l-tyrosine and l-Theanine. 24/12/23 went on 7.5mg mirtazapine. 27/12/23 stopped mirtazapine & reinstated citalopram @.35mg. 1/1/24 increased to 0.5mg. PTSD diagnosis October 2023. 11/11/23 started EMDR therapy for PTSD. Multiple unsuccessful attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; tapering off combined HRT. Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, vegan omega3. Completely OFF caffeine (since July 21). Finding it difficult to completely give up alcohol but haven’t had any since 25/12/23. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, intrusive thoughts, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia

 

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  • Mentor

@Kat66

I'm there with you Kat❤️ I had so much anxiety that started at 4am I am still shaky  and the tingling inside.  Tense as a tight rubber band🤥  

I couldn't be on here hardly  at all last week, the brain just wouldn't function right and to may triggers......It will pass for you, I can sort of read and concentrate enough to make some sense of things...... ha ha.  

Do you get out of breath easy.  I try to do anything, even talk and being on here, I start to breath heavily and pant like a dog if I really over do it.....

Off I go to walk slowly on the treadmill. CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP.

 

Here to a better day❤️

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/24894-greatful-is-this-withdrawal-or-to-many-med-changes-at-once/

1995? Prozac,  tried several Paxil, Serzone, St John's Wart back to Prozac and Trazodone ct:d Traz

 Lexapro. Tried to stop Crash in 2015  Kindled   Hospitalized, Vybrid, Seroquel, Effexor, Abilify  Pristiq, Wellbutrin-- 2016  ended back on   Prozac and Lamictal 200mg

5/2020  thru 12/2020 taper from 20mg  Prozac  down to 3mg.  Crashed  12/13/2020 Zoloft 50mg 1/29ct  1/29/2021 Seroquel 50mg ct  2/12/2021 Wellbutrin 75mg.  Became hypo manic 2/1  6ct Trazodone 50mg 4/25  25mg 2/5/ 2021 Lamictal 150mg.  2/24  100mg   4/9  75mg   4/21 37.5 

2/16/2021 Seroquel 50xr  3/3 100mg  3/17  150mg  side effects ct   4/3 2021 Lexapro 5mg  4/14  7.5mg  4/30 10mg  5/10  7.5mg 

2021/ 5/16  5mg Lexapro   37.5 Lamictal   25mg trazadone,   xanax  .0625mg  3x a day   

Lexapro  Taper> Sept/01/2021  4.90mg>  Sept/25  4.75mg>   Oct/19 4.69mg > Nov/14 4.2mg    Jan/30/2022-- Split dosing 2x a day All liquid  4.2mg  (2.20mg at 8am & 2mg at 4pm) 2/17 4mg>  2/24  3.8mg  slow taper to  Aug/12/2022 2.04mg  2023> 2mg,  1.90mg, 1.80mg, 1.70mg, 1.5mg, 1.4mg, 1.3mg 1.2mg, 1.1mg, 1mg, 0.9mg, 0.8mg, 0.7mg 0.65mg, 0.6mg, 0.55mg, 0.5mg, 0.45mg, 0.4mg, 0.35mg, 0.3mg, 0.25,mg, back to once a day dosing 0 .1mg, 0.07mg

Lamictal  taper  4/17/ 2022 25mg, 9/9/ 22 -20mg, 9/25/22- 15mg , 10/20/22-   0

 Trazodone..2023.>down to 14mg, 7mg, 6mg  July 2023   0

Xanax  0.0625 3 x a day,  2023>  0.042 3x a day

Supplements  Magnesium glycinate, Omega 3, D3, vitamin c , zinc, NAC 

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I do get out of breath easily. I’ve just been for a half hour walk and I’m done. I washed my dogs off the other day and was totally knackered afterwards! Not so long ago I was working out 4/5 times a week, weights and cardio. Sounds like we’re in similar states @Greatful, I’ve just had a shower and put my onesie on. That’s it for today! Xxx

History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD. 1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac.2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019. 01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June. 25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp. 11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg. 16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg. 2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg.

8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg 1/11/22 1.1mg 3/3/23 1mg 18/4/23 0.9mg 2/6/23 0.8mg 4/10/23 0.7mg 11/11/23 jumped off @0.7mg started on 5htp 200mg -400mg, L-Theanine, and L-tyrosine 200mg. 25/11/23 came off 5-htp, l-tyrosine and l-Theanine. 24/12/23 went on 7.5mg mirtazapine. 27/12/23 stopped mirtazapine & reinstated citalopram @.35mg. 1/1/24 increased to 0.5mg. PTSD diagnosis October 2023. 11/11/23 started EMDR therapy for PTSD. Multiple unsuccessful attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; tapering off combined HRT. Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, vegan omega3. Completely OFF caffeine (since July 21). Finding it difficult to completely give up alcohol but haven’t had any since 25/12/23. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, intrusive thoughts, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia

 

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On 12/13/2021 at 11:10 AM, Kat66 said:

I’ve just had a shower and put my onesie on. That’s it for today!

Sounds like a good way to end the day. Just wanted to check in and see how you were doing.

Current: Bupropion 450mg, Neurontin 800mg, Klonopin 0.5mg

History:

July 2020: started Cogentin 1mg, Lamictal 50mg, Zoloft 150mg, Zyprexa 5mg (+5mg as needed), Klonopin 0.5mg

November 2020: stopped all meds cold-turkey

February 2021: started Latuda 60mg, Lithium 300mg, Melatonin 5mg, Protonix 40mg, Topamax 25mg

2 weeks later: stopped Topamax, increased Lithium 900mg, started Klonopin 1mg, Lexapro 20mg, Neurontin 400mg

April 2021: started Bupropion 150mg, Revia ?mg

May 2021: stopped ReviaProtonixLexaproincreased Neurontin 800mg, started Celexa 10mg

August 2021: decreased Celexa 5mg (stopped Celexa 2 weeks later), increased Bupropion 300mg

September 2021: increased Latuda 80mg

October 2021: decreased Lithium 600mg for 4 daysLithium 300mg for 4 daysstopped LithiumLatuda

     increased Bupropion 450mg, started Remeron 15mg, decreased Remeron 7.5mg, stopped Remeron

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  • Mentor

@Kat66

Hi How are things going for you?  Looks like we both have been pretty quite. 

This can just take the wind out of your sails..............

 

Wishing you a Happy Holiday❤️

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/24894-greatful-is-this-withdrawal-or-to-many-med-changes-at-once/

1995? Prozac,  tried several Paxil, Serzone, St John's Wart back to Prozac and Trazodone ct:d Traz

 Lexapro. Tried to stop Crash in 2015  Kindled   Hospitalized, Vybrid, Seroquel, Effexor, Abilify  Pristiq, Wellbutrin-- 2016  ended back on   Prozac and Lamictal 200mg

5/2020  thru 12/2020 taper from 20mg  Prozac  down to 3mg.  Crashed  12/13/2020 Zoloft 50mg 1/29ct  1/29/2021 Seroquel 50mg ct  2/12/2021 Wellbutrin 75mg.  Became hypo manic 2/1  6ct Trazodone 50mg 4/25  25mg 2/5/ 2021 Lamictal 150mg.  2/24  100mg   4/9  75mg   4/21 37.5 

2/16/2021 Seroquel 50xr  3/3 100mg  3/17  150mg  side effects ct   4/3 2021 Lexapro 5mg  4/14  7.5mg  4/30 10mg  5/10  7.5mg 

2021/ 5/16  5mg Lexapro   37.5 Lamictal   25mg trazadone,   xanax  .0625mg  3x a day   

Lexapro  Taper> Sept/01/2021  4.90mg>  Sept/25  4.75mg>   Oct/19 4.69mg > Nov/14 4.2mg    Jan/30/2022-- Split dosing 2x a day All liquid  4.2mg  (2.20mg at 8am & 2mg at 4pm) 2/17 4mg>  2/24  3.8mg  slow taper to  Aug/12/2022 2.04mg  2023> 2mg,  1.90mg, 1.80mg, 1.70mg, 1.5mg, 1.4mg, 1.3mg 1.2mg, 1.1mg, 1mg, 0.9mg, 0.8mg, 0.7mg 0.65mg, 0.6mg, 0.55mg, 0.5mg, 0.45mg, 0.4mg, 0.35mg, 0.3mg, 0.25,mg, back to once a day dosing 0 .1mg, 0.07mg

Lamictal  taper  4/17/ 2022 25mg, 9/9/ 22 -20mg, 9/25/22- 15mg , 10/20/22-   0

 Trazodone..2023.>down to 14mg, 7mg, 6mg  July 2023   0

Xanax  0.0625 3 x a day,  2023>  0.042 3x a day

Supplements  Magnesium glycinate, Omega 3, D3, vitamin c , zinc, NAC 

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Hi @Greatful thank you so much for checking in. I’ve not been on SA for a short while, I don’t really know why. I’m not doing great but just trying to get through each day the best I can. I don’t celebrate Christmas so I’m not bothered about tomorrow or the rest of the weekend really. Have you not been on here much either? How are you doing? Xx

History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD. 1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac.2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019. 01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June. 25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp. 11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg. 16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg. 2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg.

8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg 1/11/22 1.1mg 3/3/23 1mg 18/4/23 0.9mg 2/6/23 0.8mg 4/10/23 0.7mg 11/11/23 jumped off @0.7mg started on 5htp 200mg -400mg, L-Theanine, and L-tyrosine 200mg. 25/11/23 came off 5-htp, l-tyrosine and l-Theanine. 24/12/23 went on 7.5mg mirtazapine. 27/12/23 stopped mirtazapine & reinstated citalopram @.35mg. 1/1/24 increased to 0.5mg. PTSD diagnosis October 2023. 11/11/23 started EMDR therapy for PTSD. Multiple unsuccessful attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; tapering off combined HRT. Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, vegan omega3. Completely OFF caffeine (since July 21). Finding it difficult to completely give up alcohol but haven’t had any since 25/12/23. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, intrusive thoughts, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia

 

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On 12/21/2021 at 10:28 AM, ThatOneGirlStitch said:

Sounds like a good way to end the day. Just wanted to check in and see how you were doing.

Hi @ThatOneGirlStitch sorry I’ve only just seen this, I’ve not been on here much recently. My ability to focus and concentrate is rubbish right now! I’m not doing great, lots of anhedonia, emotional nothingness, depression. I’m just trying to get through one day at a time. Thank you so much for asking after me. I’m going to be on here over the weekend, see how other people are. How are you doing? Xx

History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD. 1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac.2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019. 01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June. 25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp. 11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg. 16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg. 2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg.

8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg 1/11/22 1.1mg 3/3/23 1mg 18/4/23 0.9mg 2/6/23 0.8mg 4/10/23 0.7mg 11/11/23 jumped off @0.7mg started on 5htp 200mg -400mg, L-Theanine, and L-tyrosine 200mg. 25/11/23 came off 5-htp, l-tyrosine and l-Theanine. 24/12/23 went on 7.5mg mirtazapine. 27/12/23 stopped mirtazapine & reinstated citalopram @.35mg. 1/1/24 increased to 0.5mg. PTSD diagnosis October 2023. 11/11/23 started EMDR therapy for PTSD. Multiple unsuccessful attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; tapering off combined HRT. Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, vegan omega3. Completely OFF caffeine (since July 21). Finding it difficult to completely give up alcohol but haven’t had any since 25/12/23. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, intrusive thoughts, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

@Kat66praying for you and thinking of you.  

Please do not private message me.  Only tag me for urgent questions about tapering and reinstating - thank you.  

 

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

 

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 2010 - 10 mg;  started taper August 2017, recent taper info: Apr 2 '20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06, Nov 21 0.05, Dec. 17 0.04, Jan 14 '22 0.03, Feb 19 0.02, Apr 18 0.01, May 15 0.005,  Jul 8, 0.00.  Psych Drug Free as of July 8, 2022!!  Woohoo!!!

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

magnesium in small amounts at 4 AM, before bed

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, multivitamin, zinc

suppl 8 PM: magnesium 350 mg, extended release vitamin C, melatonin 2 mg

 

Paxil 2002 - 2010, switched to Lexapro 2010 

Trazodone 50 mg. 2002 - 2019, fast tapered in 2019 

Xanax 0.5 mg as needed 2002 - 2019, up to 3x weekly 

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1 hour ago, getofflex said:

@Kat66praying for you and thinking of you.  

Thank you @getofflex, I mean I’m doing everything right, light exercise, no drinking, magnesium, omega3, good food, time spent in nature, meditation, gratitude journaling. No improvement. I just want my life back! I’ll just keep going, hopefully one of these days it’ll happen ❤️ Sending everyone love ❤️ 

History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD. 1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac.2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019. 01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June. 25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp. 11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg. 16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg. 2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg.

8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg 1/11/22 1.1mg 3/3/23 1mg 18/4/23 0.9mg 2/6/23 0.8mg 4/10/23 0.7mg 11/11/23 jumped off @0.7mg started on 5htp 200mg -400mg, L-Theanine, and L-tyrosine 200mg. 25/11/23 came off 5-htp, l-tyrosine and l-Theanine. 24/12/23 went on 7.5mg mirtazapine. 27/12/23 stopped mirtazapine & reinstated citalopram @.35mg. 1/1/24 increased to 0.5mg. PTSD diagnosis October 2023. 11/11/23 started EMDR therapy for PTSD. Multiple unsuccessful attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; tapering off combined HRT. Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, vegan omega3. Completely OFF caffeine (since July 21). Finding it difficult to completely give up alcohol but haven’t had any since 25/12/23. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, intrusive thoughts, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia

 

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7 hours ago, Kat66 said:

Hi @ThatOneGirlStitch sorry I’ve only just seen this, I’ve not been on here much recently. My ability to focus and concentrate is rubbish right now! I’m not doing great, lots of anhedonia, emotional nothingness, depression. I’m just trying to get through one day at a time. Thank you so much for asking after me. I’m going to be on here over the weekend, see how other people are. How are you doing? Xx

I'm sorry you have depression on top of anhedonia. Anhedonia is a horrid beast. Depression makes it worse. But that's they way we get through them. Day by day or minute by minute. Is the depression constant? Do you have times where it lifts? I had depression along side my anhedonia for weeks. It defiantly is an hour by hour, minute by minute.
I'm not sure if my anhedonia is not as as bad or if I'm too focused on staying alive (ha! Motivation) . My body likes to lose weight but not gain it, so my day is full of eating, counting calories, and worrying our absorption issues. 
 

Current: Bupropion 450mg, Neurontin 800mg, Klonopin 0.5mg

History:

July 2020: started Cogentin 1mg, Lamictal 50mg, Zoloft 150mg, Zyprexa 5mg (+5mg as needed), Klonopin 0.5mg

November 2020: stopped all meds cold-turkey

February 2021: started Latuda 60mg, Lithium 300mg, Melatonin 5mg, Protonix 40mg, Topamax 25mg

2 weeks later: stopped Topamax, increased Lithium 900mg, started Klonopin 1mg, Lexapro 20mg, Neurontin 400mg

April 2021: started Bupropion 150mg, Revia ?mg

May 2021: stopped ReviaProtonixLexaproincreased Neurontin 800mg, started Celexa 10mg

August 2021: decreased Celexa 5mg (stopped Celexa 2 weeks later), increased Bupropion 300mg

September 2021: increased Latuda 80mg

October 2021: decreased Lithium 600mg for 4 daysLithium 300mg for 4 daysstopped LithiumLatuda

     increased Bupropion 450mg, started Remeron 15mg, decreased Remeron 7.5mg, stopped Remeron

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11 hours ago, ThatOneGirlStitch said:

I'm sorry you have depression on top of anhedonia. Anhedonia is a horrid beast. Depression makes it worse. But that's they way we get through them. Day by day or minute by minute. Is the depression constant? Do you have times where it lifts? I had depression along side my anhedonia for weeks. It defiantly is an hour by hour, minute by minute.
I'm not sure if my anhedonia is not as as bad or if I'm too focused on staying alive (ha! Motivation) . My body likes to lose weight but not gain it, so my day is full of eating, counting calories, and worrying our absorption issues. 
 

My depression is constant at the moment. It’s literally a minute by minute thing. I am in survival mode and don’t want to talk to anybody. I can’t wait for Xmas to be over and I don’t have to answer any more WhatsApps and texts lol. 
 

The losing weight is a weird one, what do you think is behind that? 

History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD. 1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac.2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019. 01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June. 25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp. 11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg. 16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg. 2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg.

8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg 1/11/22 1.1mg 3/3/23 1mg 18/4/23 0.9mg 2/6/23 0.8mg 4/10/23 0.7mg 11/11/23 jumped off @0.7mg started on 5htp 200mg -400mg, L-Theanine, and L-tyrosine 200mg. 25/11/23 came off 5-htp, l-tyrosine and l-Theanine. 24/12/23 went on 7.5mg mirtazapine. 27/12/23 stopped mirtazapine & reinstated citalopram @.35mg. 1/1/24 increased to 0.5mg. PTSD diagnosis October 2023. 11/11/23 started EMDR therapy for PTSD. Multiple unsuccessful attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; tapering off combined HRT. Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, vegan omega3. Completely OFF caffeine (since July 21). Finding it difficult to completely give up alcohol but haven’t had any since 25/12/23. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, intrusive thoughts, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus
22 hours ago, Kat66 said:

I’m doing everything right, light exercise, no drinking, magnesium, omega3, good food, time spent in nature, meditation, gratitude journaling. No improvement. I just want my life back! I’ll just keep going, hopefully one of these days it’ll happen

Yes, you certainly are doing all the right things.  Someday it will pay off.  It takes quite a bit of time, as in months to years.  I've been working on my Lexapro taper for over 4 years, but it was well worth it.  I had WD because I did several fast taper and reinstatements in 2017 and 2018, before I found this forum.  It did take years for my CNS to settle down, but it has, not completely, but I think eventually it will continue to heal and normalize.  Hang in there, someday you will see the fruits of your efforts! 

Please do not private message me.  Only tag me for urgent questions about tapering and reinstating - thank you.  

 

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

 

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 2010 - 10 mg;  started taper August 2017, recent taper info: Apr 2 '20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06, Nov 21 0.05, Dec. 17 0.04, Jan 14 '22 0.03, Feb 19 0.02, Apr 18 0.01, May 15 0.005,  Jul 8, 0.00.  Psych Drug Free as of July 8, 2022!!  Woohoo!!!

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

magnesium in small amounts at 4 AM, before bed

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, multivitamin, zinc

suppl 8 PM: magnesium 350 mg, extended release vitamin C, melatonin 2 mg

 

Paxil 2002 - 2010, switched to Lexapro 2010 

Trazodone 50 mg. 2002 - 2019, fast tapered in 2019 

Xanax 0.5 mg as needed 2002 - 2019, up to 3x weekly 

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  • Moderator Emeritus
10 hours ago, Kat66 said:

I can’t wait for Xmas to be over and I don’t have to answer any more WhatsApps and texts lol. 

I feel you on this one.  Xmas has historically been a stressful time for me due to family drama, and I also am relieved when it is over.  

Please do not private message me.  Only tag me for urgent questions about tapering and reinstating - thank you.  

 

***Please note this is not medical advice.  Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one.

 

Lexapro   Started Apr 15 2010 - 10 mg;  started taper August 2017, recent taper info: Apr 2 '20  0.18 mg; Jul 16  0.17 mg, Aug 23  0.16 mg, Oct 7  0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06, Nov 21 0.05, Dec. 17 0.04, Jan 14 '22 0.03, Feb 19 0.02, Apr 18 0.01, May 15 0.005,  Jul 8, 0.00.  Psych Drug Free as of July 8, 2022!!  Woohoo!!!

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg

magnesium in small amounts at 4 AM, before bed

suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, multivitamin, zinc

suppl 8 PM: magnesium 350 mg, extended release vitamin C, melatonin 2 mg

 

Paxil 2002 - 2010, switched to Lexapro 2010 

Trazodone 50 mg. 2002 - 2019, fast tapered in 2019 

Xanax 0.5 mg as needed 2002 - 2019, up to 3x weekly 

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10 hours ago, Kat66 said:

My depression is constant at the moment. It’s literally a minute by minute thing. I am in survival mode and don’t want to talk to anybody. I can’t wait for Xmas to be over and I don’t have to answer any more WhatsApps and texts lol. 
 

The losing weight is a weird one, what do you think is behind that? 

Everything you said I can completely relate to. I can't remember much how I got through. I remember rocking back and forth. I remember watching the clock. Time moved so slow. Clutching on to any small thing that distracted me. Pacing. Also not wanting to have a conversation with anyone, It was impossible to. Congrats on using  whatsApp. I ignored every text message I got. Holidays make this so much harder. Im glad you're hanging in there.

Lol it is weird. I'm baffled. I have an appointment with the GI doctor in about a week. Going to get some testing done. If they find something I can hopefully act on that. If they don't I'm going to chalk it up to WD and just eat as much as I can. 

Current: Bupropion 450mg, Neurontin 800mg, Klonopin 0.5mg

History:

July 2020: started Cogentin 1mg, Lamictal 50mg, Zoloft 150mg, Zyprexa 5mg (+5mg as needed), Klonopin 0.5mg

November 2020: stopped all meds cold-turkey

February 2021: started Latuda 60mg, Lithium 300mg, Melatonin 5mg, Protonix 40mg, Topamax 25mg

2 weeks later: stopped Topamax, increased Lithium 900mg, started Klonopin 1mg, Lexapro 20mg, Neurontin 400mg

April 2021: started Bupropion 150mg, Revia ?mg

May 2021: stopped ReviaProtonixLexaproincreased Neurontin 800mg, started Celexa 10mg

August 2021: decreased Celexa 5mg (stopped Celexa 2 weeks later), increased Bupropion 300mg

September 2021: increased Latuda 80mg

October 2021: decreased Lithium 600mg for 4 daysLithium 300mg for 4 daysstopped LithiumLatuda

     increased Bupropion 450mg, started Remeron 15mg, decreased Remeron 7.5mg, stopped Remeron

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On 12/25/2021 at 9:04 PM, ThatOneGirlStitch said:

 Holidays make this so much harder. 

I think you’re absolutely right with this. Everything is so much more intense. 
I don’t know how I’m going to get through potentially another year plus of this. Like you say, the pace is painfully slow and there’s nothing to be done but watch the time tick down. 
 

I'm afraid I snapped and had a small measure of whisky tonight. Big mistake. All my nerves feel raw and I’ve probably set myself back. 
 

I hope you get somewhere with the GI situation, good luck with that and let us know how you get on! Xxx

History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD. 1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac.2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019. 01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June. 25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp. 11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg. 16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg. 2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg.

8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg 1/11/22 1.1mg 3/3/23 1mg 18/4/23 0.9mg 2/6/23 0.8mg 4/10/23 0.7mg 11/11/23 jumped off @0.7mg started on 5htp 200mg -400mg, L-Theanine, and L-tyrosine 200mg. 25/11/23 came off 5-htp, l-tyrosine and l-Theanine. 24/12/23 went on 7.5mg mirtazapine. 27/12/23 stopped mirtazapine & reinstated citalopram @.35mg. 1/1/24 increased to 0.5mg. PTSD diagnosis October 2023. 11/11/23 started EMDR therapy for PTSD. Multiple unsuccessful attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; tapering off combined HRT. Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, vegan omega3. Completely OFF caffeine (since July 21). Finding it difficult to completely give up alcohol but haven’t had any since 25/12/23. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, intrusive thoughts, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia

 

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12 hours ago, Kat66 said:

I'm afraid I snapped and had a small measure of whisky tonight. Big mistake. All my nerves feel raw and I’ve probably set myself back. 

I have been set back myself. I hope you bounce back as some people do. I have heard other people who have had set backs come back from them. I tell myself it is what it is. Now I avoid any potential trigger. I just pray nothing goes wrong or gets worse. Please Continue to post how you are doing if you are up to it. It’s good to hear from you.

 

I‘ll let you know how my digestion issues end up. Crossing my fingers for the best to both of us!

Current: Bupropion 450mg, Neurontin 800mg, Klonopin 0.5mg

History:

July 2020: started Cogentin 1mg, Lamictal 50mg, Zoloft 150mg, Zyprexa 5mg (+5mg as needed), Klonopin 0.5mg

November 2020: stopped all meds cold-turkey

February 2021: started Latuda 60mg, Lithium 300mg, Melatonin 5mg, Protonix 40mg, Topamax 25mg

2 weeks later: stopped Topamax, increased Lithium 900mg, started Klonopin 1mg, Lexapro 20mg, Neurontin 400mg

April 2021: started Bupropion 150mg, Revia ?mg

May 2021: stopped ReviaProtonixLexaproincreased Neurontin 800mg, started Celexa 10mg

August 2021: decreased Celexa 5mg (stopped Celexa 2 weeks later), increased Bupropion 300mg

September 2021: increased Latuda 80mg

October 2021: decreased Lithium 600mg for 4 daysLithium 300mg for 4 daysstopped LithiumLatuda

     increased Bupropion 450mg, started Remeron 15mg, decreased Remeron 7.5mg, stopped Remeron

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Hi @Kat66 how are you doing today? I think you do an amazing job in keep going and trying to do all things that are good for you. I really hope things will be lifting a bit for you in the near future. Just sending positive, loving thoughts to you ❤️

2019 - august - Sertraline 50mg
2019 - november Sertraline 50mg -> 75mg
3 - 5 times Oxazepam in this period

2020 - december - Sertraline 75mg -> 50mg
2021 - februari - Sertraline 50mg -> 37,5mg
2021 - march - Sertraline  37,5mg -> 25mg
2021 - april  - Sertraline 25mg -> 12,5mg
2021 - may - Sertraline 12,5 -> 6mg
2021 - 19 juni - Setraline 6mg -> 0mg

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On 12/27/2021 at 10:51 AM, ThatOneGirlStitch said:

I have been set back myself. I hope you bounce back as some people do. I have heard other people who have had set backs come back from them. I tell myself it is what it is. Now I avoid any potential trigger. I just pray nothing goes wrong or gets worse. Please Continue to post how you are doing if you are up to it. It’s good to hear from you.

 

I‘ll let you know how my digestion issues end up. Crossing my fingers for the best to both of us!

Thanks! These slip ups happen I guess...sending you love and healing xxx

 

21 hours ago, Sunnylight said:

Hi @Kat66 how are you doing today? I think you do an amazing job in keep going and trying to do all things that are good for you. I really hope things will be lifting a bit for you in the near future. Just sending positive, loving thoughts to you ❤️

Thanks! I'm just taking things day by day - struggling a lot at the moment with all the usual culprits (see my signature :)) I do find lemon balm tea gives me better sleep though. 

 

In the new year I'm going to look into getting some psychotherapy as I'm struggling to cope with the chaotic mess of thoughts in my head. I'm used to negative thought spirals anyway and have had them for decades, but since quitting citalopram and entering the wonderful world of WD these spirals have taken on godzilla-like proportions. 

 

Has anyone else had or is thinking about having proper deep psychotherapy? xx

History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD. 1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac.2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019. 01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June. 25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp. 11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg. 16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg. 2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg.

8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg 1/11/22 1.1mg 3/3/23 1mg 18/4/23 0.9mg 2/6/23 0.8mg 4/10/23 0.7mg 11/11/23 jumped off @0.7mg started on 5htp 200mg -400mg, L-Theanine, and L-tyrosine 200mg. 25/11/23 came off 5-htp, l-tyrosine and l-Theanine. 24/12/23 went on 7.5mg mirtazapine. 27/12/23 stopped mirtazapine & reinstated citalopram @.35mg. 1/1/24 increased to 0.5mg. PTSD diagnosis October 2023. 11/11/23 started EMDR therapy for PTSD. Multiple unsuccessful attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; tapering off combined HRT. Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, vegan omega3. Completely OFF caffeine (since July 21). Finding it difficult to completely give up alcohol but haven’t had any since 25/12/23. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, intrusive thoughts, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia

 

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  • Mentor

@Kat66

Hang in there girl.  We are in this together. Don't look back or do any negative self talk.  Look to just the day and get through it.

This is brutal at times but we have to know that we are going to be okay.  We have to be, others have done this in front of us. We are not alone, lonely maybe, but others are fighting along side of us going through the same fear, panic, depression, anger, scrambled brain, physical and mental pain.  If they can do it we can too❤️

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/24894-greatful-is-this-withdrawal-or-to-many-med-changes-at-once/

1995? Prozac,  tried several Paxil, Serzone, St John's Wart back to Prozac and Trazodone ct:d Traz

 Lexapro. Tried to stop Crash in 2015  Kindled   Hospitalized, Vybrid, Seroquel, Effexor, Abilify  Pristiq, Wellbutrin-- 2016  ended back on   Prozac and Lamictal 200mg

5/2020  thru 12/2020 taper from 20mg  Prozac  down to 3mg.  Crashed  12/13/2020 Zoloft 50mg 1/29ct  1/29/2021 Seroquel 50mg ct  2/12/2021 Wellbutrin 75mg.  Became hypo manic 2/1  6ct Trazodone 50mg 4/25  25mg 2/5/ 2021 Lamictal 150mg.  2/24  100mg   4/9  75mg   4/21 37.5 

2/16/2021 Seroquel 50xr  3/3 100mg  3/17  150mg  side effects ct   4/3 2021 Lexapro 5mg  4/14  7.5mg  4/30 10mg  5/10  7.5mg 

2021/ 5/16  5mg Lexapro   37.5 Lamictal   25mg trazadone,   xanax  .0625mg  3x a day   

Lexapro  Taper> Sept/01/2021  4.90mg>  Sept/25  4.75mg>   Oct/19 4.69mg > Nov/14 4.2mg    Jan/30/2022-- Split dosing 2x a day All liquid  4.2mg  (2.20mg at 8am & 2mg at 4pm) 2/17 4mg>  2/24  3.8mg  slow taper to  Aug/12/2022 2.04mg  2023> 2mg,  1.90mg, 1.80mg, 1.70mg, 1.5mg, 1.4mg, 1.3mg 1.2mg, 1.1mg, 1mg, 0.9mg, 0.8mg, 0.7mg 0.65mg, 0.6mg, 0.55mg, 0.5mg, 0.45mg, 0.4mg, 0.35mg, 0.3mg, 0.25,mg, back to once a day dosing 0 .1mg, 0.07mg

Lamictal  taper  4/17/ 2022 25mg, 9/9/ 22 -20mg, 9/25/22- 15mg , 10/20/22-   0

 Trazodone..2023.>down to 14mg, 7mg, 6mg  July 2023   0

Xanax  0.0625 3 x a day,  2023>  0.042 3x a day

Supplements  Magnesium glycinate, Omega 3, D3, vitamin c , zinc, NAC 

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On 1/1/2022 at 7:47 PM, Greatful said:

@Kat66

Hang in there girl.  We are in this together. Don't look back or do any negative self talk.  Look to just the day and get through it.

This is brutal at times but we have to know that we are going to be okay.  We have to be, others have done this in front of us. We are not alone, lonely maybe, but others are fighting along side of us going through the same fear, panic, depression, anger, scrambled brain, physical and mental pain.  If they can do it we can too❤️

Hi there my friend....nice to hear from you, I've not been on here the last few days as my ability to focus is cr*p and my depression/apathy sky high. It is a very lonely journey, a very dark journey. I've started watching 'Friends' just to get a bit of lightness but it's hard to keep any kind of light on right now! It's comforting to know there are others going through exactly the same battles though, so thanks for reminding me, I needed that reminder. xxx

History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD. 1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac.2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019. 01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June. 25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp. 11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg. 16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg. 2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg.

8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg 1/11/22 1.1mg 3/3/23 1mg 18/4/23 0.9mg 2/6/23 0.8mg 4/10/23 0.7mg 11/11/23 jumped off @0.7mg started on 5htp 200mg -400mg, L-Theanine, and L-tyrosine 200mg. 25/11/23 came off 5-htp, l-tyrosine and l-Theanine. 24/12/23 went on 7.5mg mirtazapine. 27/12/23 stopped mirtazapine & reinstated citalopram @.35mg. 1/1/24 increased to 0.5mg. PTSD diagnosis October 2023. 11/11/23 started EMDR therapy for PTSD. Multiple unsuccessful attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; tapering off combined HRT. Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, vegan omega3. Completely OFF caffeine (since July 21). Finding it difficult to completely give up alcohol but haven’t had any since 25/12/23. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, intrusive thoughts, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia

 

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Update; I've gone down to 1.8mg as of 6/1/22. I've been on 2mg since August 21 so I figured it was as good a time as any. I keep trying to come on here to read about how people are getting on but I have no ability to concentrate on anything, let alone absorb anything I read. So I'm just treating myself like a little child, like @Greatful said, babying myself through each day. Trying to do some gentle exercise, eat well, and watch lots of distracting TV. I have no feelings towards my husband still, and my rage attacks are getting to him. I'm going to get some psychotherapy to try to get to the bottom of my issues. WD has amplified all my issues tenfold so my thoughts have now taken on such a distorted form I don't know what's going on. I'm still working part time but it's not easy as every little thing gets to me, makes me angry or irritable.

Sending love to everyone xxx

History of depression and anxiety. Symptoms of PTSD. 1998-1999 Venlafaxine 2006-2007 Prozac.2013-15 Sertraline 50mg. 2015 cross-tapered to citalopram 20mg. 2015-2021 Citalopram 20mg (brief increase to 30mg for 2/3 months in 2019. 01/2021 Dropped from 20mg to 10mg, back up to 20mg til June. 25/6/21 stopped CT. Started 50mg 5htp after a week without citalopram in the hope this would balance out my serotonin levels. After 3 days increased to 100mg 5htp. 11/7/21 Stopped 5htp with the intention of reinstating citalopram at 1mg. 16/7/21 Reinstated cit at 1mg. 2/8/21 Increased dose to 2mg. 28/11/21 10% reduction to 1.8mg.

8/12/21 2mg 6/1/22 1.8mg 10/2/22 1.6mg 13/5/22 1.5mg 4/6/22 1.55mg 4/7/22 1.4mg 4/8/22 1.25mg 1/11/22 1.1mg 3/3/23 1mg 18/4/23 0.9mg 2/6/23 0.8mg 4/10/23 0.7mg 11/11/23 jumped off @0.7mg started on 5htp 200mg -400mg, L-Theanine, and L-tyrosine 200mg. 25/11/23 came off 5-htp, l-tyrosine and l-Theanine. 24/12/23 went on 7.5mg mirtazapine. 27/12/23 stopped mirtazapine & reinstated citalopram @.35mg. 1/1/24 increased to 0.5mg. PTSD diagnosis October 2023. 11/11/23 started EMDR therapy for PTSD. Multiple unsuccessful attempts to taper off citalopram. Vegan, otherwise healthy lifestyle. Other medications; tapering off combined HRT. Other supplements; magnesium glycinate, vegan omega3. Completely OFF caffeine (since July 21). Finding it difficult to completely give up alcohol but haven’t had any since 25/12/23. Main symptoms; crushing depression, anhedonia/emotional anesthesia, irritability, rage, anxiety/fear, intrusive thoughts, cognitive fog, inability to focus, restlessness and some insomnia

 

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