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Heinz1903: 4 years zoloft and now clean for 6 weeks


Heinz1903

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8 hours ago, Heinz1903 said:

I know it's just a endless fight, eventually i overcome. Its always darkest before dawn.

 

8 hours ago, Heinz1903 said:

Slowly i feel the DP and DR lifting for the latest 5 days. but i', only left with the confusion. which is a positive thing, it may be a small window. But remembering my past is one of the way to get out off DP and DR.

 

3 hours ago, Heinz1903 said:

I had a whole idea of a fragmented self(DP symptoms), i truly became obsessed by it. It's neuro-emotions. This is what made the last few months so much worse.

 

And the DP and DR became worse itself too, i'm now slowly crawling out of it.

 

@Heinz1903

 

You seem to have a good handle on what's going on. 

You're good at remembering that things are improving. You're good at positive affirmations, reminding yourself that you will indeed overcome. 

And you have insight into your own thought patterns and how obsession and neuro-emotions can feed spirals and make symptoms worse. 

 

You're doing great! 

Just hang in there. 

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil w/ morning meal; 2mg melatonin 

August 1, 2022 - 1 mg melatonin

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

Link to comment

@Ariel today i had a better day, much better than last days.

But i think i got brainzaps again, can you explain it for me? like explaining the feelings of one..

 

It felt like a bolt in my head, this happends sometimes especially lately.

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

Link to comment

I have experienced the largest window from now on. All sorrow gone.

 

This happend because of therapy and self therapy. It works 90% of the time.

 

my worst fears i can deal with.

 

if there will be darker days i remember this moment.

 

i also feel a bit vertigo

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

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Strange sensations felt again.

 

other places in my body, mainly middle back. Reoccurring ttauma thoughts.

 

depersonalization might be related to trauma release or healing process.

 

everytime if feel a bit more, but hard to identity with nyself sometimes…

 

its like i feel more, but emotions are felt more, so i also feel myself more.

 

crazy thoughts so ofter, Thursday was a better day for a while.

 

muscle twitches also felt through bonemarrow jn back.. can someone send explain this to me?

 

at night when i go to sleep i somtimes feel depersonalization in my sleep. Maybe in just over analyzing 

 

are these common symptoms? @Ariel

 

@Crochet

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

Link to comment

Holy sh*t, my brain is in complete neuro-OCD state for the last 2 days.

It started with a minor panic attack and my brain goes in over drive again.

 

till the point i punch my head with my hands, i don’t know if i truly want to continue with this.

 

when does this end..

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

Link to comment

Slowly recovering but experience some bad moments 20 minutes ago, i slapped on my head a few times really hard.

 

I'm so done with this withdrawal ****, when am i healed :(

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

Link to comment

@Heinz1903

 

I am going to remind you of something you wrote a week ago: 

 

On 6/2/2022 at 9:43 AM, Heinz1903 said:

I have experienced the largest window from now on. All sorrow gone.

 

This happend because of therapy and self therapy. It works 90% of the time.

 

my worst fears i can deal with.

 

if there will be darker days i remember this moment.

 

Guess what? 

That was a week ago. 

This means that you have come even farther since then.

With every breath you are getting even closer to recovery than you were at the time you wrote that one week ago. 

Work on remembering the light and holding it with you through the darker days. 

You're doing great. You are healing with every breath. Healing is happening. 

Healing is happening all the time, even when we don't consciously feel it. 

 

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil w/ morning meal; 2mg melatonin 

August 1, 2022 - 1 mg melatonin

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

Link to comment

@Ariel what i am more worried about is the hitting on my scalp, scared that i would make this brain damage even more severe.

I just break sometimes, it takes such a long time..

 

Lately i can't even use supplements anymore because my nerve system goes overkill after that.

It slowly goes better, but its still a living nightmare 60% of the time.

 

I had a good day today, except this evening. I still suffer from it, it's a reminder i guess.

Yesterday was terrible but the days before are less bad.

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

Link to comment

@Ariel

 

Hi. i need some help.

I truly feel the way i think and rationalize is completly altered compared to normal people.

Will the way rationalize or view things ever become normal again?

 

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

Link to comment

First time in 2 years since i have drank red wine and i had zero issues with it.

 

hot chocolate(full with caffeine) it did not effect me either. 
 

only thing that may could blow out my nervoussystem is sexual stuff.

 

this can cause me to lose my grip on life,  i start to believe the latest thing i suffer from is serotine related.

 

Maybe a inflammatory reaction against serotine 

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

Link to comment

@Heinz1903

If I were you I wouldn't experiment with alcohol and caffeine just yet. 

You've been seeing improvements and things are getting better. No reason to rock the boat or poke the bear. 

Keep going slow and steady, keep things simple and stable, and you will continue to recover well. 

Healing is happening <3

A.

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil w/ morning meal; 2mg melatonin 

August 1, 2022 - 1 mg melatonin

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

Link to comment

@Arielyou where right, the day after(now). I feel as if my anxiety returned and i got scary neuro emotions again. Its not a extreme feeling of dread its still a feeling

 

stupid me…

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

Link to comment

I never drink red wine ever again, i feel horrible

 

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

Link to comment

I'm dealing with a few obsessions lately. This one is a big one.

 

Scared of doing something or committing to a livestyle that i don't want.  Or hurting someone, Then this pattern goes again and again. till the point i question what i want it myself.

 

This is depersonalisation in it's prime, but it's a terrible feeling

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

Link to comment

At this point i get addiction signs, just the feelings of the pills make me feel happy...

This is so strange, i never had this feeling for the last 11 months.

 

Now those negative feelings are gone.. but the feeling of getting on Zoloft of again already gives me some weird feelings... My nose feels tight. as if my sinus feels filled with cotton wool and my throat hurts a bit and have muscle twitches. Few on my jaw, on my leg and in my shoulder(later one could be from working out.) 

 

it feels as if my sinus is filled with gew, out of a sudden this happends. Exactly 1 year ago i got a bad flu, msot likeley withdrawal related…

 

 

If i get a flu, would not even mind it. but it might be early flu symptoms

 

 

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

Link to comment

I’m in hell i’’m convinced.

 

i got to go back on zoloft or one of these drugs. This is so bad, so so bad.

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

Link to comment

I decided that i'm going to get back on them, i can't take it anymore. it's over. after 1 year. it's lost, it feels so bad for the last 4 weeks with a few glimpses of relieve.

 

God abonded me, and i feel lost. I need to get back on them.

I don't want this anymore, it's hell that i experience sometimes, PURE AND PURE TERROR.

 

These thoughts these immense painful depersonalisations & Derealisation. this is the latest symptom but its such terror. i may developed psychosis.

 

But i cannot take it anymore. GOD HOLY **** WHY. EVERYTHING WAS GOING WELL UNTIL MAY!?!?!?

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

Link to comment

It feels as if my own brain is torturing me with my worst fear imagineable.

I keep getting emotions of getting back on the drugs, sometimes the thought of drugs can help me become more rational.

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

Link to comment

@Ariel Please help me!

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

Link to comment
  • Moderator

@Heinz1903 I'm sorry to read that you are having such a problem with your symptoms. Please don't panic.

 

Between March and June of last year you fast tapered 2 different drugs in a manner that could be called a CT. A very common symptom pattern for CTs is for the person to feel very much improved for many months. It will vary between three and twelve months. At which point they "hit the wall" and the symptoms become unmanageable. It sounds like this is what is happening to you.

 

Unfortunately, by the time that this happens the window for a successful reinstatement of the drugs is well past. A reinstatement could be tried at a very low dose of one of the drugs, but the chances of success are very low. We do have members who have successfully reinstated after a year or 18 months, but it often causes more problems than it cures. If you wish to try, look up out thread on reinstatement and read it carefully.

 

A double CT is really a rough way to get off of these drugs, but it is quite possible. One of our best examples of dealing with a CT is Coldturkmama. 

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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  • Mentor

@Heinz1903

Hi Heinz, I hope I can give you a little encouragement.   I too have the horrible obsessions, they can be relentless at times. I also get it were my brain is in a tingling, buzzing state and then throw in the obsession, yeah I want to rip my head off sometimes.  Remember it passes, it always does. 

 

You were starting to feel a little better and then you had wine. Can you try and sit this out and let the intense wave calm down.  You have been doing a great job weaving your way through the last year. 

People have commented after a wave comes a window.  Your brain is doing it's job, working to heal. 

Did you ever read the story What is Happening in Your Brain? It is a good over view off what is going on in your brain while it's try to heal.  I printed it out so I can look at it when I need reminding.

http://What is happening in your brain 

 

If I remember right you didn't do to well on the drugs, is that why you went off?

 

Hang in there Heinz you have more fight in you🤗

 

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/24894-greatful-is-this-withdrawal-or-to-many-med-changes-at-once/

1995? Prozac,  tried several Paxil, Serzone, St John's Wart back to Prozac and Trazodone ct:d Traz

 Lexapro. Tried to stop Crash in 2015  Kindled   Hospitalized, Vybrid, Seroquel, Effexor, Abilify  Pristiq, Wellbutrin-- 2016  ended back on   Prozac and Lamictal 200mg

5/2020  thru 12/2020 taper from 20mg  Prozac  down to 3mg.  Crashed  12/13/2020 Zoloft 50mg 1/29ct  1/29/2021 Seroquel 50mg ct  2/12/2021 Wellbutrin 75mg.  Became hypo manic 2/1  6ct Trazodone 50mg 4/25  25mg 2/5/ 2021 Lamictal 150mg.  2/24  100mg   4/9  75mg   4/21 37.5 

2/16/2021 Seroquel 50xr  3/3 100mg  3/17  150mg  side effects ct   4/3 2021 Lexapro 5mg  4/14  7.5mg  4/30 10mg  5/10  7.5mg 

2021/ 5/16  5mg Lexapro   37.5 Lamictal   25mg trazadone,   xanax  .0625mg  3x a day   

Lexapro  Taper> Sept/01/2021  4.90mg>  Sept/25  4.75mg>   Oct/19 4.69mg > Nov/14 4.2mg    Jan/30/2022-- Split dosing 2x a day All liquid  4.2mg  (2.20mg at 8am & 2mg at 4pm) 2/17 4mg>  2/24  3.8mg  slow taper to  Aug/12/2022 2.04mg  2023> 2mg,  1.90mg, 1.80mg, 1.70mg, 1.5mg, 1.4mg, 1.3mg 1.2mg, 1.1mg, 1mg, 0.9mg, 0.8mg, 0.7mg 0.65mg, 0.6mg, 0.55mg, 0.5mg, 0.45mg, 0.4mg, 0.35mg, 0.3mg, 0.25,mg, back to once a day dosing 0 .1mg, 0.07mg

Lamictal  taper  4/17/ 2022 25mg, 9/9/ 22 -20mg, 9/25/22- 15mg , 10/20/22-   0

 Trazodone..2023.>down to 14mg, 7mg, 6mg  July 2023   0

Xanax  0.0625 3 x a day,  2023>  0.042 3x a day

Supplements  Magnesium glycinate, Omega 3, D3, vitamin c , zinc, NAC 

Link to comment

@Greatfuli’m scared, it felt as if all my fear became real out of a sudden.

 

and the depersonalization became so bad that i felt dissociation.


is this the latest problem i became across?

 

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

Link to comment

@brassmonkey

 

so when will the symptoms be manageable, when will i experience normal withdrawal symptoms again?

 

could you give a guess?

because if feel foggy right now, cannot think straight, woke up with terror and worst nightmare feeling ever. Pure terror.

 

it feels as if was melting for a few minutes. I also stopped drinking alcohol.

 

but did i do a double CT?

i did not know it was that bad, any advice you can give me.

 

but i want to know if my brain will be healing me any time soon?

 

 

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

Link to comment

@Greatful yes. I did terrible on the drugs and they gave me severe side effects. Most likely i build up tolerance for them.

 

but will i ever recover. I’m going to italy this summer. But i feel this is might up in a pyschward instead of italy

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

Link to comment

@Greatful

 

what i have noticed, is that slowly i start to stabilize again. 
 

thoughts of rationality return, feelings of doubts go away. This is what i keep experiencing.

 

as if i lose myself and the come back. 
my latest symptoms are dissociation, and weird thought’s/terror thoughts.

 

Sometimes i don’t experience those emotions at al. Or its just a irrational fear as i can label them.

 

sometimes i feel completely conscious again.not altered.

 

as if i finally accepter who i’’m, what i’m what i have gone through.

 

these little moments i experience more often. 
 

its scary, but the thoughts make it worse.

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

Link to comment
  • Moderator

Hello @Heinz1903. I’m sorry you’re struggling badly. 

 

On 6/13/2022 at 1:44 PM, Heinz1903 said:

 

I never drink red wine ever again, i feel horrible

 


We all make mistakes during this withdrawal process. Don’t be too harsh on yourself. The most important thing is that we learn from these errors in the future. Alcohol is a powerful psychoactive drug, and our sensitised nervous systems simply can’t tolerate it. I know it’s hard, we all want a bit of normality; I myself would love nothing more than to enjoy a few beers with my mates. We have to look at the bigger picture though; we make these temporary sacrifices our body requires to heal in order to enjoy a great future.

 

It is easy to lose judgement in the thick of withdrawal symptoms. In this irrational state we lose track of all the progress we have made over the last 6-12 months. I have been observing your journey from a distance and can see how far you have come. I have no doubt you will turn the corner soon and things will improve tenfold.

 

Keep going and don’t give up. You will beat this!

 

Erimus

Active Monday-Friday UK time

 

MEDICATION:

1) Sertraline:

50mg - Oct 2020, 100mg - Dec 2020, 50mg - April 2021, 75mg - May 2021, 50mg - Sep 2021; Failed taper attempt (50 -> 49) - Jan 2024; Second attempt to start taper - 17 Feb 2024

Current dose: 48.9mg (Feb 2024)

2) Mirtazapine:

15mg  - Nov 2020

SUPPLEMENTS:

Cod liver oil

Link to comment

@Erimus

 

thanks for your encouragement!

 

Yeah, i would love a couple of beers. Friends find it weird that i’m the only one on gathering that is sober, compared to the others that have the alcohol giggle’s 

You have been watching my journey often? For how long hahaha.

 

For me it felt kinda weird for people to look at other peoples journeys. But it feels great someone is looking out for me.

 

i often only watch other peoples succes stories for encouragement! Compared to what i did in the past where in only was messaging people for reassurance or looking at symptoms threads.

 

I hope everyone om this forum a fast recovery including myself. I pray every day. 

 

 

 

 

 

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

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  • Moderator

I tend to follow other people who are either a similar age to me (21) or are experiencing withdrawal from the same drug (sertraline//Zoloft) @Heinz1903.
 

It’s good that you’re able to meet friends, even if you can’t enjoy a drink. You are almost a year off the drug now. Things will get better from here. A lot of people notice they get difficult periods of symptoms even this far out, and after good windows. It’s just the non-linear healing.

Active Monday-Friday UK time

 

MEDICATION:

1) Sertraline:

50mg - Oct 2020, 100mg - Dec 2020, 50mg - April 2021, 75mg - May 2021, 50mg - Sep 2021; Failed taper attempt (50 -> 49) - Jan 2024; Second attempt to start taper - 17 Feb 2024

Current dose: 48.9mg (Feb 2024)

2) Mirtazapine:

15mg  - Nov 2020

SUPPLEMENTS:

Cod liver oil

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@Erimusmhm, we are the same age..

is there a way we can contact eachother?

 

do you use discord, instagram, snapchat?

 

i would really appreciate a voicechat, talking about our experiences

 

 

 

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

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  • Mentor

@Heinz1903

Try to look at you symptoms as they come and go as your brain working on different areas. I bet you can see even if they return they are just a little bit better or at least they pass quicker.  Some do tend to hang around but intensify and  then ease up.  I totally understand the mental ones being one of the hardest. Our thoughts can really mess with us.  I see that you have a pretty good handle on coping skills.😊  Congrats on trying to live as much of a normal life as you can with the swirling thoughts, D/R and whatever else WD symptoms you are dealing with at the time.:blink:

 

Did you read that link I sent you?  It sometimes helps me put things in  perspective.    Sometimes nothing works accept to sit in it and wait until it passes.  It always does😊

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/24894-greatful-is-this-withdrawal-or-to-many-med-changes-at-once/

1995? Prozac,  tried several Paxil, Serzone, St John's Wart back to Prozac and Trazodone ct:d Traz

 Lexapro. Tried to stop Crash in 2015  Kindled   Hospitalized, Vybrid, Seroquel, Effexor, Abilify  Pristiq, Wellbutrin-- 2016  ended back on   Prozac and Lamictal 200mg

5/2020  thru 12/2020 taper from 20mg  Prozac  down to 3mg.  Crashed  12/13/2020 Zoloft 50mg 1/29ct  1/29/2021 Seroquel 50mg ct  2/12/2021 Wellbutrin 75mg.  Became hypo manic 2/1  6ct Trazodone 50mg 4/25  25mg 2/5/ 2021 Lamictal 150mg.  2/24  100mg   4/9  75mg   4/21 37.5 

2/16/2021 Seroquel 50xr  3/3 100mg  3/17  150mg  side effects ct   4/3 2021 Lexapro 5mg  4/14  7.5mg  4/30 10mg  5/10  7.5mg 

2021/ 5/16  5mg Lexapro   37.5 Lamictal   25mg trazadone,   xanax  .0625mg  3x a day   

Lexapro  Taper> Sept/01/2021  4.90mg>  Sept/25  4.75mg>   Oct/19 4.69mg > Nov/14 4.2mg    Jan/30/2022-- Split dosing 2x a day All liquid  4.2mg  (2.20mg at 8am & 2mg at 4pm) 2/17 4mg>  2/24  3.8mg  slow taper to  Aug/12/2022 2.04mg  2023> 2mg,  1.90mg, 1.80mg, 1.70mg, 1.5mg, 1.4mg, 1.3mg 1.2mg, 1.1mg, 1mg, 0.9mg, 0.8mg, 0.7mg 0.65mg, 0.6mg, 0.55mg, 0.5mg, 0.45mg, 0.4mg, 0.35mg, 0.3mg, 0.25,mg, back to once a day dosing 0 .1mg, 0.07mg

Lamictal  taper  4/17/ 2022 25mg, 9/9/ 22 -20mg, 9/25/22- 15mg , 10/20/22-   0

 Trazodone..2023.>down to 14mg, 7mg, 6mg  July 2023   0

Xanax  0.0625 3 x a day,  2023>  0.042 3x a day

Supplements  Magnesium glycinate, Omega 3, D3, vitamin c , zinc, NAC 

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Quote

Try to look at you symptoms as they come and go as your brain working on different areas. I bet you can see even if they return they are just a little bit better or at least they pass quicker. 

 

This is my view actually from the beginning, it's more or less the total dread i feel when experienceing these thoughts, DP and DR, Dissociation. Scared of developing DIS, ect.

 

The regular stuff, but since most of the bullsh*t i have been through is gone. its hard not focus on these problems anymore. Like, it feels as if i'm healing right now at the deepest level of my soul. This morning i could not place reality, eventho i felt reality, So no psychosis. It felt as if completly lost myself but then i come back everytime with me being less effected by the crazy crazy emotions.  Even my fear is slowly getting away.

 

Sometimes i don't taste or smell things, it's strange feeling, like my taste buds being numbed.

 

I can see a pattern again and again. Smaller but heavier waves. But more times of a windows. the windows get longer, what was 1 hour or split seconds 4 weeks ago is now half of the day.

 

I now also try meta cognitive training. at it helps. I hope @Altostrata will make a topic of meta cognitive training, it's a new developed technique. Unknown but all studies done on it says its the most effective of all therapies. i can even have therapy sessions with my mom. Family doctor also supports it.

 

Meta cognitive training is a real magic pill for me. test results also say it works for people with autism, MCDD, DP & DR, even ssri and benzo's withdrawal.

 

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

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  • Moderator

Putting a time frame on healing is the one thing we really can't do. Each person's experience is so different we can't even guess. I have seen CTs heal in a matter of months, but that is the exception. Frequently they can take several years for the healing to happen. But it does happen. The brain/body is an amazing thing and wants to heal, what we have to do it let it.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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  • Administrator
2 hours ago, Heinz1903 said:

I now also try meta cognitive training. at it helps. I hope @Altostrata will make a topic of meta cognitive training, it's a new developed technique. Unknown but all studies done on it says its the most effective of all therapies. i can even have therapy sessions with my mom. Family doctor also supports it.

 

Please start a topic about this yourself in the Symptoms and Self-Care forum.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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@Greatfuli’m convinced i’ got a new withdrawal symptom.

 

In my country we got a heatwave, ranging from 24 degrees celsius till 32.

 

Back in the day, i would’ve said 24 degrees is comfortable heath. But not i have like a intolerance for breezes. Like its hot but the wind feels cold, even if it’s not cold.

 

normally i could’ve said this perfect weather. But my cold intolerance gives the feel that 18 degrees is cold.

 

this occurred before this heatwave. But now i noticed it alot..

 

I have extreme heath tollerance, i always had that. But i would’ve neevr find breezes with 24 degrees cold

 

 

 

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

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@brassmonkey

 

Quote

utting a time frame on healing is the one thing we really can't do. Each person's experience is so different we can't even guess. I have seen CTs heal in a matter of months, but that is the exception.

Yes, it's just that i'm a young guy. It feels like i'm in prison sitting out some lifelong jail sentence.

I want to do alot, i just can't. I hope i'm getting there, but my struggles at this moment have been much much worse than that of the past. Even when it slowly got better at this moment, compared to the last 6 weeks. I can't even work or go a new education anymore. 

 

Quote

Frequently they can take several years for the healing to happen. But it does happen. The brain/body is an amazing thing and wants to heal, what we have to do it let it.

 

CT tapers are bad, if i only wasn't so long on those meds

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

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@Ariel @brassmonkey 

@Greatful@Erimus

something more positive came out of the last 4 days. Slowly see glimpses of myself again. After experiencing DP & DR, dissociation. And a hellish withdrawal fear of developing DIS or multipersonality disorder, developing psychosis ect or making myself crazy( i know i can’t develop this, but it’s still a fear )

 

i’m finally slowly getting on TOP again.

The feelings i can describe is the brainfog and DP that is really bad is been lifting. This also made  my anxieties go through the roof. Also i feel more, much much much more.

 

but everytime i noticed that i come back stronger. I do this be detaching to everything. Like fears and worries. Then realizing i’m not my mind, i make my mind. That i’m not my brain but the whole body. With it’s memories.

 

over the past months it felt as if could not feel myself like a bit fragmented

, that i felt like a completely different person for a while(still knowing who i’m). 

 

But everytime is experience a cycle of DP & DR, dissociation. Followed by GAS like symptoms then realizing i’m my body and this feeling of being in my body becomes stronger. It ‘s my grounding mechanism.

 

but is this a common symptom, of feeling you lost your identity and then finding it again and again. Then Facing your worst fears, but also coming on top? 
 

Or maybe the DP broke my brain and i'm losing my mind

is this a sign of healing or a sign of a psychosis. just be honest? 😂

2014-2020 Haloperidol
2017-2021 Zoloft
2018-2021 Issues zoloft so i decreased on both Haloperidol

November 2020 Taper down Haloperidol(barely any issues)
March 2021 taper down from zoloft(alot of issues)
Zoloft taperdown from march till late june
25mg was my dosage, may 10mg(from 10 too 5 was hard), 5mg in end of june every lowar dosage gave me alot of issues. clean in end of june.

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