Overwhelmedlady: Forced Withdrawal pandemonium plus 2020 lockdown plus financial collapse

[Greatful]

@Overwhelmedlady  I am so sorry that things are that hard for you....Remember we all heal eventually.  Do not get stuck in the thought that you are going to be like this for a long time.   Yes it can take time but as you are healing the windows will get stronger and longer and the waves will become lighter and less.  Please do not give up hope, you could turn a corner tomorrow.

 

10 minutes ago, Overwhelmedlady said:

suffer from a certain degree of agoraphobia.For what I have been reading this is a withdrawal symptom related to coming off zopyclone,

A lot of people suffer from, ocd, intrusive thought, agoraphobia, paranoia, guilt, the past comes up to haunt them, our  brains are all messed up just like the women explains in the story "what is happening in your brain" I sent you.  Did you get a chance to read it?

I developed a crazy phobia that I know is so distorted but my brain doesn't want to let it go.......

Did you read  kenA's thread.  He went through a very hard wd and made it.  He knows how important reaching out for support is....

 

17 minutes ago, Overwhelmedlady said:

The rest of the week is really hard,with a sense of doom,and both helplessness and hopelessness.The more I read and learn the more these feelings intensify since there seems to be no certainty of ever recovering or,of the time,years that recovery might occur if it ever happens. My situation is really desperate.I am 61, have no income

I know about dome and gloom, hopelessness and helplessness feel like.  You can post to  me as many times a day to help you through this....

I know that your finances probably making you feel worse.  I wish I had some helpful answer for it.  There most be a way...........

Please stop reading anything that makes your negativity worse. This will only intensify hopelessness.....There are plenty of encouraging stories you can focus on.   Remember there is positive information and negative information on what ever you are researching.......

Sometimes our thoughts and distorted thinking makes us feel worse.  Can you change some of your daily routine?  Can your friends visit you and take you out.  Being by yourself all the time is not good for you, you need some distractions.  Are any of your friends going to support you in your wd healing?

 

AND you are not old.......I am 58 years old, we both have many more bright years ahead of us.........  We will heal you and I......You have put in almost 2 years of wd. You  will be turning the corner soon......Paxil is a horrible drug to cold turkey...But your brain has been  slowly working and healing it's self this whole time.❤️

[Overwhelmedlady]

Hi @GreatfulThanks so much for your support.You are really kind and considerate and I am thankful for your empathy.You are right when you say that I need to get distracted and see some of my friends more often.I keep on telling them but,as you know,people have their own issues to deal with.There are actually just 2 of them who are in contact by phone or messages during the week.One of them is separating from her husband in the near future and has some health issues on top of that.The other one has an autistic son and can't leave him alone,so she mainly leaves her house during the morning or else at night when her husband is back.She is currently on AD, duloxetine to be precise ,after suffering a mental breakdown a couple of years ago.She is the one who organized dinner at her house on Friday.Then ,my day starts at midday.I don't sleep well,I stay awake till 5 am and though I wake up sometimes at 9 sometimes at 10, I stay in bed till at least 12 because I am just too tired to get started before midday.Then it's out with my dogs and the occasional stop at the grocery store to buy the minimum I might need. Nevertheless I keep telling them to come home. Being cash strapped is a mayor hindrance as well since I can't even go to a bar and sit outside with my dogs or afford a nice meal somewhere in my neighbourhood like I did some years ago. I read one of your last posts and I do realize that even buying some comfort food can make one feel better,at least for a while.I will try to read the links you mentioned and come back tomorrow to post something else.Hope you are ok and send big hugs from the south.

 

[Faure]

Hello @Overwhelmedlady, I’m so sorry to read about what a difficult time you are going through. You are doing so well, even going out which I find amazing. When I am in a difficult time I don’t go out at all and withdraw from almost everything and everyone. You are not alone in going through withdrawal, many people on here have gone cold turkey and are suffering greatly.
 

I just wanted to encourage you to stop reading about withdrawal & anti depressants generally and start looking at positive things instead. When we are very down and things are difficult I don’t think it helps at all to feed yourself more difficult stuff.
 

You were interested in trying meditation. I have been doing Jon Kabat Zin’s body scan most days since March 2020 and find this really helps with keeping me calm and balanced. It stopped me becoming overwhelmed at the start of the pandemic. For me it’s like a daily reset towards calm! It will be different for you as you’re in a different place, but do give it a go if you feel able. It is very relaxing and the more you do it the more you start noticing benefits. Of course it’s difficult with the neuro emotions caused by withdrawal which people really are not in any control of, but I hope you find it of some benefit. 
 

Hoping you start to get more windows very soon xxx
 

[Overwhelmedlady]

Hi @FaureThanks for reaching out and reading my story.You're probably right about reading so much stuff about meds, withdrawal,etc. I do believe it has to do with collecting evidence since withdrawal symptoms are not recognised as such here I guess. I've been watching all the videos posted in the medicating normal channel which I like but then,when I start reading stories on the links suggested by the site,it's sometimes just too much.To be honest with you I always had a strong aversion to psychiatric drugs  having lost my mother to valium back in the 70s. Paradoxically,it was me who asked for the AD back in 2010 when I  was going through great distress .So,in my case I wasn't even depressed at the time.Well,now I am,though feeling down is only just a part of it. I realize now that I shouldn't have taken the AD for such a long time.10 years in my case ,which was not beneficial in any possible way.Another reason why I keep on looking for info is because I am still identifying behaviours I had,mistakes I made  which were surely brought about by the drug.I mean changes in my personality,like distancing myself from friends,avoiding social events, and many other things which proved to be harmful.Anyway,there's no point in blaming myself of course.I will try the meditation you suggested.I have been watching another video another member recommended.Funny thing is that the woman s voice in that video is so hypnotizing that each time I watch it ,I fall asleep after a couple of minutes.It's the chronic pain meditation one,in case you haven't checked it.As for your comment about my willingness to go out,most of the time it's related to my dogs.I have 2 golden retrievers and I do worry a lot about them.They are used to going out 2 or 3 times a day even if it's just for brief walks.I am literally forced to go out most of the time. Well,I guess this post is too long already.Thanks again for reaching out.I greatly appreciate it.

[Greatful]

@Overwhelmedlady  Hi there,  I just want to say don't ever worry about how long your post are......Sometimes it is nice to just visit and share stories.  The days can get long and why not chat with your new friends❤️😊

[Faure]

On 9/8/2021 at 11:57 PM, Overwhelmedlady said:

I do believe it has to do with collecting evidence since withdrawal symptoms are not recognised as such here I guess

I don’t think they are recognised in many places. Certainly not mainstream in the UK although I understand things are very slowly changing but change takes a long time to get through to grassroots. My psychiatrist told me I could just do half dose for a week then stop.  Disaster both times I tried. Fortunately I realised and reinstated at once.  
 

As you say, no point blaming ourselves - we did what we thought was best as advised by the doctors. My GP has left the practice now and while he signed off on my tapering plan (almost, I told him 10% a month which is the standard taper but I was then advised to do the brassmonkey slide and took the advice) I am too scared to reach out to a new GP in case they don’t believe in WD so I’m avoiding the doctor for my quarterly check ins. They were useful as he got a really good idea of how I was doing. 
 

Can you post a link for the chronic pain meditation? I can often do with help getting to sleep!  Well done for getting out, I know it isn’t always easy at all. I don’t come on here often but will check your thread when I do.  Take care ☺️

[Greatful]

  @Overwhelmedlady  You are pretty quite over here.  How are you doing?

[Overwhelmedlady]

Hi @GreatfulYes I have been quiet lately, after having a relatively calm week or so,with diminishing tachycardia and anxiety,which I would not call window since I do not find pleasure in anything,now I am down again.I hate spring and dread summer,living in a city and being completely restrained in terms of resources, having no means to change my situation makes me feel hopeless . I just try to get through the day,dealing with everyday problems and trying to take care of my dogs since they are my only reason to keep going.It's hard.Having no sense of future and living in a country undergoing political turmoil,realising that politicians are totally detached from the citizens and could not care less about their/our well-being.I don't know,right now it's just a horrible sense of no future.

[Greatful]

2 hours ago, Overwhelmedlady said:

after having a relatively calm week or so,with diminishing tachycardia and anxiety

This is great to hear.  That just goes to show you that you are healing.  It might be slow, way slower then we like, but you are healing😊

 

2 hours ago, Overwhelmedlady said:

Having no sense of future and living in a country undergoing political turmoil,realising that politicians are totally detached from the citizens and could not care less about their/our well-being.I don't know,right now it's just a horrible sense of no future.

I hate to tell you, it almost sounds like you are describing my country here in America.  The politicians are only in it for themselves and what ever power they can get.  Shame on them.  I can't think about it to much because it makes me angry and scared at the same time.

2 hours ago, Overwhelmedlady said:

I just try to get through the day,dealing with everyday problems and trying to take care of my dogs since they are my only reason to keep going.

I am glad you have your furry companions.  But must know that you have a much bigger will to keep going on then you think.  There is something inside you that has the determination to see this through.  One day this will all be behind you and you will be in a much better place living your life.  

 

Hang in there and know that I am here for you with a listening ear.❤️

 

 

[Overwhelmedlady]

Hi @Greatful and whoever cares to read this.I haven't posted lately because I am feeling awful and desperate.I realize that my body can't handle stress and as soon as I push myself in order to deal with emergencies that crop up ,my physical symptoms worsen.Emergencies were my 11 year old dog having an infection and having to literally drag her to the vet to get treated.Stress kept mounting up since I had to ask a friend to help me with the costs.Fortunately I could pay for the initial costs and still have some pending costs to pay for another round of antibiotics and an abdominal/pelvic scan.She is slowly getting better.Also,prior to that I had a water leak in my house.Well, common problems one could say,when you have the money to solve them.Now I don't have any emotional support,and financial support is scarce.I even had to stop my magnesium supplement since I don't even know how I will feed myself this month.This is what I mean when I say that I feel like a pariah.I read your posts and other posts,most people here ,living in the US or in Europe are tapering,most have financial support and emotional support though the latter might not always be enough.I don't.I do my best and get through each day the best I can but I feel like I can die at any time. I have been following a Twitter account ,a lady from Australia, Anna King is her user name.She is another victim of prescribed harm.Keep on learning,realizing also that this stress intolerance is a distinctive symptom.I just don't know what will happen with me and how much my body will endure before I collapse.I'm in the midst of hell right now.

[Greatful]

@Overwhelmedlady  Oh I am so sorry.  I know how much your dogs mean to you. I really wish there was more I could do for you.  

6 minutes ago, Overwhelmedlady said:

.She is another victim of prescribed harm.

Unfortunately there are many people that have been harmed by these drug and the doctors that don't know how to prescribe or what all the drug actually affects.  Let alone how to get off them.  These drugs are mind altering, they sure are not like taking  aspirins.  Anything that works on your brain should be taken more serious and thought about long and hard if they are needed.

 

I know that if you can keep getting through each day, you will survive. WD can only make you very miserable and is very painful but it will not kill you.

 

Your friends are not there for you anymore?  I can't remember do you have family around?  Please know that each day that goes by, your brain is working hard to get better.  You are healing, it is at unbearable slow pace but it is happening.  This is a very hard journey we are on.  

 

Can you get any state assistance?  Do you have any food shelves?  

 

Are you able to read some of the success stories here on SA?  

This is another wed site that has a lot of information you may find helpful.  This was given to me by Cheeky

there is a lady called  Laura Delano 
she is a survivor of psych drugs and has an amazing website with great information 

https://www.theinnercompass.org/ 

But I love her Facebook page, she interviews people that have come off and hearing there stories is very encouraging.  She also has great guest speakers, I highly recommend you looking at it .

https://www.facebook.com/groups/innercompassconversations/?ref=share

 

18 minutes ago, Overwhelmedlady said:

.I do my best and get through each day the best I can

I know you do your best and you are a very courageous woman.  Focus on today on day at a time. ❤️

I want you to keep talking to me when ever you need a listening ear.

 

 

[Overwhelmedlady]

Hi @GreatfulI  greatly appreciate your quick answer.I will post later.feeling horrible right now.friends threatening to cut assistance,most of them.no family.just got a message from one of them.they don't get it.I feel sick.post later.hugs.

[Greatful]

@Overwhelmedlady❤️🤗

[Overwhelmedlady]

Hi @GreatfulHad posted a very lengthy post and it got deleted.Can't believe it.It was so difficult to write it.Try again later.Feeling drained.Chills,tachycardia,flu like symptoms,anxiety.

[Greatful]

@Overwhelmedlady  Don't worry about anything.  Take care of yourself and when you are ready and feel strong enough you can try again.

I will be here❤️

 

[Overwhelmedlady]

Thank you @Greatfulyou are an angel.I have a long post pending.I will give you detailed info.It might be late at night while in bed so you might read it tomorrow.Its 9 pm here, not sure what time it is in your city.

[Greatful]

@Overwhelmedlady

No problem,  It is 7:10pm right now here in Minnesota USA

[Faure]

So sorry to hear how difficult things are @Overwhelmedlady and that your friends are withdrawing support. Stress on top of withdrawal makes things so much harder. You are in my thoughts ❤️

[Overwhelmedlady]

Hi @GreatfulAlmost 1am here,took my dogs to pee outside the building and Im lying in bed,hoping for my tachycardia to slowly diminish now.It's the first time I experience this symptom at night.I will try to answer most of the things you asked/posted before.Yes I did check Delano online,not in Facebook though since I do not have an account.But yes,I read her site and watched part of a video.I generally check most of the things you and others recommend here and I must say I am more interested in whatever scientific article is published online.That's why I wrote about this Twitter account I came across,because of the things she wrote but also because she follows Mark Horowitz,the psychiatrist who writes about tapering after having experienced withdrawal himself.Now some answers.I live in a country currently having 50 % of the population below the poverty line considering income,also millions destitute,me included,and by destitute I mean unable to meet basic survival needs.food insecurity. This is new for me,this downspiralling started 5 years ago.I do believe medication is closely related since I realize I was functioning in a magic thinking mode,the attitude being «don't worry things will turn out fine» when things were getting worse and worse.Now,I have been without medication for 20 months.my mind is very clear and I can look back and realize that I was numb in many ways.more answers now.the state help.disability pensions are meagre and I imagine one has to navigate the indignities of a bankrupt/ corrupted state,being tested by completely clueless people in order to qualify.Yes,2 cents or whatever is better than zero.But, they will probably ,being optimistic here,label me with depression or any other current mental health <disorder»,suggest more poison in the form of a magic pill and even after all those failed tests,be denied a pension.People here do not have the slightest idea what withdrawal is about,not to mention protracted withdrawal.Nobody will take the trouble to read any article or scientific evidence that might prove me right.Plus,they are in English and even people who are fluent in the language like myself, would never understand these articles because you have to read about these issues in order to understand how these drugs work/alter the brain.You know,most people on this site know how psychiatrists are trained,this sacred faith in medication and so on.But,yes there might be a very thin chance of getting some assistance.Really thin,and not immediate.Now,you also asked about food shelves (?] Not sure what you mean but my answer is I have the shelves not the food.I buy what I can ,I have only one meal a day ,lentils,whole grain rice or whole wheat cheap noodles with broccoli.I buy potatoes,some bread,eggs,yogur and bananas which I eat around midday .once a week it may be a chicken breast and a fish filet.That's it.A group of old time school mates have been helping me with food,the group is getting smaller and smaller now.That's my reality.I have this good friend living outside the city helping me with my dogs food.She helped me with the vet as I told you in my previous post.She will travel to the US this month.She promised to buy some more food for my dogs.Nevertheless I am very scared,though I would communicate with her if I need to,it's a scary horizon ahead.Too much I guess.I have no idea how I will get by this month,and the next.And it's 2 am now.I will be back here tomorrow.Sending you my best wishes.Believe me when I say you are in a much better place and it's you who will be healed soon.

[Overwhelmedlady]

Hi @FaureThank you for your kind words.

[Greatful]

@Overwhelmedlady I can see that you are in a very tight spot.  I am sorry for that and the pain you are going through.

 

What I mean by food shelf is, here is American a lot of cities have places that collect donated food and the people who are in need can go there and pick up food. 

I am glad to hear that your mind is clear and that you are thinking okay.  Is it the depression, anxiety that are the hardest for you?

 

Please keep posting and talking. ❤️  

[Overwhelmedlady]

Hi @Greatfulyou were referring to food banks.No,we don't have them here.Most people who can't afford food go to community kitchens  in the poorest neighbourhoods,on the outskirts of the city.People who are in charge,mainly women keep on complaining due to the poor quality and also insufficient quantities of ingredients they receive from the state.Cheap starches like polenta.Unbelievable.Many kids attend.I live downtown,in a very gentrified neighbourhood.T he hardest these last days were physical symptoms as well,today it was some dizziness,feeling like I was running a temperature,chills,fatigue and yes,anxiety and low mood because I am isolated and very stressed.Thank you for reaching out.I am not suicidal,I just feel like I might collapse any time soon.Worried about my pets.😢

[Greatful]

@Overwhelmedlady  How are you doing my friend?

[Overwhelmedlady]

Hi @Greatfulnot very well really.The only good news is that my dog, Amber, does not need any emergency surgery or treatment.She is still recovering and she should have another blood test to check her thyroid gland.Probably hypothyroidism.Can't do the test right now,so we shall have to wait till next week to see if the cystitis persists.I am just going through each day.I still don't know what will happen next week,if I will get some additional help or not.Tired,to say the least.Thanks for reaching out.I will try to post later.😢

[Overwhelmedlady]

Hi  @Shep @GreatfulJust wanted to say that I am shocked and deeply saddened by the death of Dr Ed White.A good man who was trying to help others go through this withdrawal nightmare, in spite of his own troubles.I am at a loss for words.Just wondering if anyone will ever be held responsible for all the damage,hurt and loss of lives.

[Cheeky]

2 hours ago, Overwhelmedlady said:

Hi  @Shep @GreatfulJust wanted to say that I am shocked and deeply saddened by the death of Dr Ed White.A good man who was trying to help others go through this withdrawal nightmare, in spite of his own troubles.I am at a loss for words.Just wondering if anyone will ever be held responsible for all the damage,hurt and loss of lives.

I’m so upset to hear that , this really breaks my heart . I hate what these poisons have done to us. We just have to hang on . 

[Katy398]

21 hours ago, Overwhelmedlady said:

 

Hi  @Shep @GreatfulJust wanted to say that I am shocked and deeply saddened by the death of Dr Ed White.A good man who was trying to help others go through this withdrawal nightmare, in spite of his own troubles.I am at a loss for words.Just wondering if anyone will ever be held responsible for all the damage,hurt and loss of lives.

 

I am in shock, this is an absolute tragedy. He was a beautiful, kind man. His tireless work, whilst suffering himself offered so much hope to the Withdrawal Community. I offer my heart felt condolences to his family and friends. Rest in peace dearest Ed. 

[Overwhelmedlady]

Hi @AltostrataI hope I am not making another mistake here.It was me who posted in the wrong thread.I have only been in this site for 2 months and It seems I still find it confusing as to where to post my comments. Inadvertently posting in the wrong thread does not imply being insensitive.I am not.Neither do I have my empathy erased due to any medication or cocktail of meds. It's not easy for me to interact here since I am not tapering any drug plus I do not live in the first world plus English is my second language.I am sorry if I made a mistake but if it happens again ,and since you are the founder/ owner of the site, I would greatly appreciate it if somebody points it directly to me.Thank you.

 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

I have done the same mistake 2-3 times, it is just because sometimes u reply fast to someone without realizing ur in someone s else thread. It’s ok, the moderators can fix this issue. 

[Altostrata]

You are posting in your own Introductions topic now.

[Overwhelmedlady]

Every now and then, some people just nail it. Why is there a mental health crisis  in so many countries? On reading Dr James Davies  Twitter account ,even though he refers to the UK, I can relate. Some words that really sum up the state of affairs here and there ,though probably in different degrees.Defunding, inequality,rising demoralisation,trauma,social stress and disenchantment.So much to write if each of these words were a heading.I can not separate these systemic issues from the traumatic experience I am going through since there is an obvious correlation.Also I am completely aware of the fact that recovery in this case in particular and generally speaking in mental health problems, depends on the availability of resources.I t would be naive to believe otherwise.I am not tapering any drug,but if I were it would be close to impossible to do it successfully.Again: resources. Things that are taken for granted in other locations are of difficult access here,unless of course one is in an advantaged financial situation.I was deeply moved by a review of a film I read a couple of days ago.There's a word that comes to mind: alienation.Quoting the writer:« Pig is a film about post sumptuality and pretension, loves  labors lost and briefly found, and the last burning coals of humanity before it's just dark and cold and empty». It might not be apparently related to the issues dealt with in this forum,but to me it is.It speaks.of trauma and loss .And as Nicholas Cage says in one scene of the film «We don't get many things to really care about in life». Well I certainly feel hopeless living in this system and what it does to so many human beings ,it drives many of us to despair.

 

[Overwhelmedlady]

During these dark days , it always gives me some slight relief to know there are still those who dare to swim against the tide.The truth tellers who will not be silenced.Of course this applies to politics as well,and it's always horrific to observe the way these ethical courageous individuals are exposed to shameful verbal attacks. Some have paid a high price,some others pay with their lives. In psychiatry,like I wrote in some other posts, there are also those who care about bringing about some change ,people who care less about their egos ,popularity or fame and more about patients and their long term well being. I read an interesting article today in Dr Healy s blog: The standardization of psychiatry. I just want to say that these are the people we, the ones that are suffering due to prescribed harm , need to listen to or read. I have mentioned others before, most of them from UK. I admire them just like I admire all those who stick by  their convictions and don't sell out .The truth tellers of this world who despise doublespeak and keep on fighting for whatever slim chance of a better world there might be. 

[Overwhelmedlady]

Past the first heatwave.36 degrees C in spring. No a.c. Complete hell Felt feverish the whole week. 500mg of Tylenol each night just to get some relief and be able to get some sleep. Unable to get my second dose of the vaccine.Too weak ,physically fragile and afraid that my body wouldn't tolerate it. How mysteriously my mind works.Just before posting here an image came to mind: The scream by E.M. I am no expert in art but a quick search brought the word trauma. Who knows, may be I learnt about it at some point in my life and the info was stored somewhere .I don't remember though. My dogs are downstairs and I am lying in bed now. It was a huge effort to take them out today,feed them,make sure they have clean water and don't see me cry.I thought about posting in a futile attempt to feel better.I am not tagging anyone but I feel that my life is hanging from a thread.  Just surviving . I understand that this is just too weird,too rare a case in the U.S and in Europe. Withdrawal and dangerously close to starvation. One can hardly distinguish the symptoms.Yes,lots of water.In times like this my rational mind pushes me.Another effort.Energy is scarce.Use it discreetly. The dogs.Remember all those who went through hunger strikes and survived.Come on girl.Keep going.People die of famine everyday. Eat that egg even if you can't swallow it .Protein.Survival mode. It's just too much stress.Too much pain.The hopelessness. The losses.The horror of it all. The silent scream. The lack of support.The isolation. The return of nausea when I wake up, the dizziness, the panic.The dogs. The emergency plan. The card which that kind neighbour gave to me last year during lockdown when I was terrified about my dogs being left alone in my apartment. She said I could call in case of an emergency. Despair. The thought of it. Amber will be 11 next month.How can I put into words the bond we have?.I love her so much. And she is so affected by all this. It's so f.... painful. I feel so guilty. This innocent,sentient creature .She only brought love ,joy to my life. Licking my tears so many times. Always by my side. It's so f....unfair. I just don't know if I will survive.I just don't know. It just gets worse and worse.

 

 

[JesusSavemefromWD]

There are no words to express how sorry I am to read ur current situation…. and on top of all these difficulties a torturous WD. I wish I was close and could visit you…. But I can’t cause ur far away and I am bedridden thanks to Zoloft. I am thinking and praying for u, that’s all I can do. You are a beautiful soul and strong very strong woman… 

[Overwhelmedlady]

Thank you @JesusSavemefromWD.

Your kind words are very much appreciated .😢

[Greatful]

@Overwhelmedlady  My heart goes out to owv.  Please hang in there.  I am sure you are doing everything you can to survive.  Is there any chance you can stay with a friend.❤️