rilexapro: Problems with APRN, led to problems with Lexapro.

[ChessieCat]

I realise that you are trying to understand what has happened and what is happening to you.  And I did the same thing.

 

You might find this video helpful.  I really like the Rubik's Cube analogy.  I have followed along with a video to solve a cube and when you get to the few moves you feel certain that you have messed it up, and then with a couple of twists and turns you have solved it.

 

Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

I suggest that you check out the links I have provided before concerning yourself with those articles.

 

It is better to focus on best case scenarios, of which there are many on SA, than to worry about the worst case scenarios.

[rilexapro]

Just now, ChessieCat said:

I realise that you are trying to understand what has happened and what is happening to you.  And I did the same thing.

 

You might find this video helpful.  I really like the Rubik's Cube analogy.  I have followed along with a video to solve a cube and when you get to the few moves you feel certain that you have messed it up, and then with a couple of twists and turns you have solved it.

 

Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

I suggest that you check out the links I have provided before concerning yourself with those articles.

 

It is better to focus on best case scenarios, of which there are many on SA, than to worry about the worst case scenarios.

 

i agree. It's just personally hard for me not to fear the worst, since my problems haven't healed. I am reading the articles you sent me now. Thank you.

[rilexapro]

Just wanted to post this as sort of a health update thing. I like to document if my health changes/what has changed.

 

Woke up today feeling weak and nauseous again. I have very quick moments where I start to feel normal, but then I start to feel weak again, and I have breathing problems. I have to sort of manually breathe for myself. It's very frustrating. It never really stops. The breathing problems began in mid June 2021 and happen on and off since. 

 

Nerves and muscles haven't repaired at all, and have gotten worse in ways. Not sure if it's neuropathy or what it is. EMG of my left arm done on November 1st 2021 showed no damage, but the problems are in my face, neck, chest, and genitals. I used to get quick zap-like chest pains on the sides of my chest, almost where my lungs were, around March of 2021. Those stopped, but I still get pain in the left side of my chest every so often. The most chronic pain is in the upper left part of my body.

 

I just find it so weird that my problems are this severe, considering how well I tolerated 30mg of Lexapro. I understand misusage can cause bad problems, but this seems pretty severe for that. SSRIs are given to plenty of people who misuse them or quit usage in worse ways than I do. I get everybody's metabolism is different, but I just find it so strange. An MRI not showing problems is good, but my thinking is so much slower. I struggle to remember names a lot. My childhood memories are really fuzzy now, I've forgotten things people said, etc.

 

It feels more like I had a bad case of COVID than an adverse reaction to Lexapro. I am pretty sure there was a time I took 50mg of Lexapro by mistake in early 2020, and it literally had no effect on me. If the Lexapro did cause this, it was probably a kindling effect, where my body sort of shut off the immense tolerance I had to high dosages of Lexapro/serotonergic agents like that in the 3 months I was off it.

 

I remember being extremely frantic and anxious when I had my breakdown in late September 2020. I literally could not calm down until I went to the ER for the night. It was very strange. I've had panic attacks before that, but not nearly as intense, where it goes on for days. I was over such a stupid thing too. I feel a lot of regret about it, especially since it led to me trying to go back on Lexapro, which could have caused all this.

 

Hope it's okay to mention this below in my post, it's a bit NSFW. If it's not, please let me know and I'll edit it out. I want to see if others have had a problem a bit peculiar like mine.

 

My libido/genitals felt relatively normal/not awful until the middle of this year. Not sure if something is degenerating or not, but the nerve pain is always on the left side of my genitals. The pain is in the left side of my penis when I touch the right side of my penis. It's odd. Same with my testicles, only the left one gets painful. I actually lost all feeling in it a few weeks ago, but that thankfully went away. Could this be a sort of nerve disorder caused by a blood sugar problem?

It feels numb/dulled too. I do not have erectile dysfunction thankfully, but erections do not feel as strong (that could be because of Lisinopril usage), and climaxes do not feel that great, as compared to before this. I remember once last year after this started, my face and body had sort of pulsating nerve pain when I climaxed, which I found strange. I don't remember that happening after that. This could be a spinal related issue, since my pelvis is pretty badly tilted.

 

I still have some form of libido but it's dulled too, along with most of my emotions.

[rilexapro]

Feel a lot better today, but head/mind is still foggy. No real fatigue today, but hopefully I don't jinx that. Neck stiffness is probably some sort of muscle injury that physical therapy would fix. 

 

Face numbness isn't as intense today. I'm wondering if I was taking too much iron, as my hematologist had me taking 2 65mg over the counter supplements for iron. My iron levels were still low after that, but I wonder if it was making it worse somehow. Only took 1 tablet today for iron.

 

If I keep feeling like how I do right now, I'll be satisfied. I still get muscle twitching and breathing problems, but the breathing is probably inflammation/sinus problem related.

[rilexapro]

Had a follow up MRI, and I'm very worried. The result is basically the same as the MRI done in February, save for "Scattered FLAIR hyperintensities nonspecific but most commonly related to chronic microvascular changes."

 

Can anybody here explain what that could mean? Do I have a progressive brain disease? Could this have been caused by Lexapro, or is it just bad timing? I'm really scared right now that I have something that will be getting worse over time.
 

 

[rilexapro]

Neurologist spoke to me yesterday about it, said that the hyperintensities aren't of any serious concern, and I shouldn't be worried. He said they weren't lesions, but "metabolic changes" in my brain. Hopefully he's correct, but I'm going to try and get a second opinion, as my nerve and memory issues aren't getting much better.

If anybody else here has had hyperintensities in an MRI, I'd appreciate hearing your story and advice in regards to that. It's very worrying, as that was not in the MRI I had in February. 

Is it possible my hematologist had me on too much iron? I was taking 2 65mg tablets a day, but my iron levels were barely in the normal range of iron when checked about 3 weeks ago.

[rilexapro]

I've been told that the hyperintensities could mean demyelination. Not sure what to do. Feel terrible and in despair. 

[rilexapro]

Feeling a lot better today thankfully. Hopefully this is a sign of a breakthrough in recovery. Memory is a lot sharper than previously it had been.

[rilexapro]

Have a qEEG scheduled for January. I now feel very fatigued when I wake up, but it goes away. Not sure of the cause. 

 

Still a bit worried about what those hyperintensities mean, as I keep thinking it could mean brain death. My neurologist said that it doesn't mean lesions/damage, but I thought all hyperintensities were lesions? I'm not sure if anybody on here could elaborate. "Chronic microvascular changes" could mean the reason is from hypertension, but since they're nonspecific, it could be anything, including toxicity from a drug, like an SSRI.

[rilexapro]

Sorry to continually keep bumping this thread, but would anybody be able to tell me why those hyperintensities be in my MRI report? Is it related to Lexapro misusage? I've had people tell me since COVID is a vascular disease, it might be after-effects from a very bad case of COVID.

 

I get very down and feel so awful about how irresponsible I was with Lexapro usage. I wish I didn't go back on it, and I wish I was more forceful with my wish to taper safely with my med manager. I feel like I've caused permanent problems, and my OCD tendencies mean I read about stories of SSRI damage almost every day, which makes it worse.

[getofflex]

On 11/17/2021 at 2:46 PM, rilexapro said:

Had a follow up MRI, and I'm very worried. The result is basically the same as the MRI done in February, save for "Scattered FLAIR hyperintensities nonspecific but most commonly related to chronic microvascular changes."

 

Can anybody here explain what that could mean? Do I have a progressive brain disease? Could this have been caused by Lexapro, or is it just bad timing? I'm really scared right now that I have something that will be getting worse over time.

 

 

I have no idea.  This is something you should ask your doctor, since we are not medical professionals here.  

 

I do know that the brain changes made by Lexapro and other psych drugs will eventually reverse themselves in time.  

[rilexapro]

22 minutes ago, getofflex said:

 

 

I have no idea.  This is something you should ask your doctor, since we are not medical professionals here.  

 

I do know that the brain changes made by Lexapro and other psych drugs will eventually reverse themselves in time.  

 

I hope you're right. I'm glad people on here have an optimistic outlook on recovery, but I've always been very pessimistic about everything.

 

You really think even with the very irresponsible way I used Lexapro, going off 30mg cold turkey, using 5-HTP as a replacement, then going back on 10mg months later, and then off again, I can recover? I wasn't smart with my usage at all, and should have been much more careful.

[getofflex]

3 hours ago, rilexapro said:

You really think even with the very irresponsible way I used Lexapro, going off 30mg cold turkey, using 5-HTP as a replacement, then going back on 10mg months later, and then off again, I can recover? I wasn't smart with my usage at all, and should have been much more careful.

Yes, I do.  Many people on here have done what you have done, and worse.  I would suggest that you read some of the success stories.  What you did may make recovery take longer, but eventually things should work themselves out.  

 

Success Stories

 

You can do a search on Lexapro success stories:  this thread explains how to search our site: 

 

How to do a Site Search

[rilexapro]

23 minutes ago, getofflex said:

Yes, I do.  Many people on here have done what you have done, and worse.  I would suggest that you read some of the success stories.  What you did may make recovery take longer, but eventually things should work themselves out.  

 

Success Stories

 

You can do a search on Lexapro success stories:  this thread explains how to search our site: 

 

How to do a Site Search

 

It's possible I had a very bad infection, made worse by high stress/Lexapro misusage, creating a perfect storm. Looking at a CBC done just before I felt these severe symptoms, my neutrophils, RBC, WBC were high, and my lymphocytes were very low. I'll try to be more optimistic, because it feels like there are more problems going on making any sort of Lexapro withdrawal worse than it should be.

[rilexapro]

Would anybody happen to know if Lexapro interacts with the pituitary gland? I have a partially empty sella turcica, and I've experienced symptoms related to it, like slow hair growth.

[getofflex]

13 hours ago, rilexapro said:

I'll try to be more optimistic, because it feels like there are more problems going on making any sort of Lexapro withdrawal worse than it should be.

This sounds like a very good non drug coping technique.  The success stories can give you hope and help you be optimistic. 

 

12 hours ago, rilexapro said:

Would anybody happen to know if Lexapro interacts with the pituitary gland?

I don't know.  No one really knows for sure exactly what these drugs do to us.  We do know that they down regulate the serotonin receptors.  

[rilexapro]

Noticed today that the near constant pain in the left side of my neck is gone, but the stiffness is still a bit there. Hopefully it keeps getting better, the nerve pain/numbness is the most annoying chronic problem next to the cognitive slowness, even more than the fatigue. 

 

My body feels warm a lot, like it's fighting an infection, I've felt this way before when I've been sick, so maybe I have a chronic infection, made worse by wonky Lexapro usage? It's possible.

 

I'm not really sure what happened that caused the left sided numbness. It's a very odd health symptom outside of a stroke. Reinstatement sometimes works for people, I guess it's just luck of the draw if it would work for somebody. I feel foolish for trying to reinstate, but I had done it before with Lexapro, and never had an issue prior. Lexapro, from what I know, is given out first before other meds because of the low chance for severe side effects. I still am baffled that it could possibly cause all of this, when I have a history of tolerating Lexapro very well, for over 6 years.

[rilexapro]

2 hours ago, getofflex said:

This sounds like a very good non drug coping technique.  The success stories can give you hope and help you be optimistic. 

 

I don't know.  No one really knows for sure exactly what these drugs do to us.  We do know that they down regulate the serotonin receptors.  

 

Can serotonin receptors heal, even after severe trauma is done? I'm unsure how neuron death works, how is it that neurons die, and can the brain replace them? Does a person notice neuron death in their brain?

 

I try to read success stories, but my rumination makes me think about cases I've seen where somebody hasn't come back from psych meds. I was only ever on Lexapro, never any sort of drug cocktail, and even at 30mg, which is high, it is a Lexapro dosage given out at times for severe OCD cases like mine. I would truly be shocked if one psych med, one not in a class known to case permanent damage (from what I know, anti-psychotics are proven to cause irreversible effects, not SSRIs, besides PSSD), caused permanent disability. 

[getofflex]

55 minutes ago, rilexapro said:

Can serotonin receptors heal, even after severe trauma is done? I'm unsure how neuron death works, how is it that neurons die, and can the brain replace them? Does a person notice neuron death in their brain?

I'm assuming that the serotonin receptors heal, since people are able to go on to have normal lives, and feel normal, after they heal from psychiatric drugs.  Your questions could only be answered by a neurologist.  I'm not sure if even they know.  

 

Please try not to overanalyze and overthink this, which can lead to anxiety and stress.  What we need now is to try and calm our nervous systems.  If it were me, I would try and 

1 hour ago, rilexapro said:

My body feels warm a lot, like it's fighting an infection,

I've noticed that Lexapro WD causes the body to feel hot a lot. I have this symptom myself, and I've heard that from a lot of others here dealing with Lexapro.  It is slowly decreasing, and expect someday it will be gone.  Here is how to search for information on this site - you can search for body temperature dysregulation and find others experiences about it.  

 

How to Do a Site Search

 

1 hour ago, rilexapro said:

I still am baffled that it could possibly cause all of this, when I have a history of tolerating Lexapro very well, for over 6 years.

Our bodies change, especially when we go off and then back on drugs, and this tends to sensitize our nervous systems.  What we could tolerate before, now causes us problems.  In all likelihood, your symptoms are part of the withdrawal process, and should eventually sort themselves out.  

 

 

You may want to check out https://baylissa.com.  She is very calming and reassuring.  There are lots of good webinars and audio content on there about withdrawal from psych meds. 

 

Edited December 14, 2021 by getofflex

[rilexapro]

16 minutes ago, getofflex said:

I've noticed that Lexapro WD causes the body to feel hot a lot. I have this symptom myself, and I've heard that from a lot of others here dealing with Lexapro.  It is slowly decreasing, and expect someday it will be gone.  Here is how to search for information on this site - you can search for body temperature dysregulation and find others experiences about it.  

 

My blood work indicated some sort of infection/inflammation twice, once when I was at the ER after a breakdown in September 2020, and another time, in June of this year, when I felt like I couldn't breathe, and was manually breathing the whole day, I also threw up that day too. My hematologist believes that's what was/is going on too, so it's possible it's a bit of both, the Lexapro and my immune system. I remember my body feeling warm before I went back on Lexapro, when I was having my panic attack.

 

The hyperintensities in my brain worry me a lot. That could be an indicator of genuine damage done, and considering my daily problems, it's not hard for me to conclude both things are probably connected to each other. I have a qEEG next month, and if it comes back okay, I'll feel more at ease. 

 

I think reinstatement was a terrible idea looking back, and I feel just so stupid for thinking that was the solution to my state of mind. I feel unlucky, some people do reinstate, and don't have this problem. I'm very bitter towards my former med manager, but she was at least smart enough to try reinstatement on an average dose of Lexapro at 10mg, and not at 30mg, what I was originally on. That would have been reckless endangerment.

I'm not sure what others would do in my shoes. I tolerated Lexapro well, I thought maybe the breakdown was from being off Lexapro, and so I tried going back on it to see if it would stabilize my mental state. For the first 2 weeks or so, I didn't feel much different. The weird feeling I got in my head is concerning, because it could have been so many things, including something getting damaged. It was like a numbness in my head, not a headache at all, just a very mushy, dull feeling. I can't remember how quickly it stopped after I stopped Lexapro, but I'm guessing it was the cause? Maybe Lexapro building up in my system for 3 weeks caused it, I'm not sure how it works.

 

[rilexapro]

Was 10mg for reinstatement too high? Is there ever a way to tell what the proper reinstatement dosage is? I feel foolish for not researching this before going back on Lexapro.

[rilexapro]

Just got blood work done, it shows Atypical Lymphocytes at 11.4%, when the normal range is between 0% and 1%. I am now pretty sure I do have an infection, and my problems aren't being caused by Lexapro, or at least the most severe problems.

 

My blood work has been off all year, and the signs point to some sort of thing going on in my system like a virus. From what I know, people with side effects/chronic problems from SSRI usage can have perfectly normal blood work.

[rilexapro]

Tried searching on here to see if anybody else had cold turkey'd a high dosage of Lexapro like me, and the only other person who did, went back on it within a month of the cold turkey, meaning his chances for safe reinstatement were high.

 

Am I really the only person who's done something like I have, where I was on 30mg, quit cold turkey, tried going back on it months later, and possibly had awful health problems?

 

If it was serotonin syndrome, all I know is that is a very rapid occurrence, and usually doesn't leave long term damage/brain injury. My problems slowly built up over weeks. I really hope I get a diagnosis soon. COVID tests were negative, but that doesn't mean I didn't have it.

 

qEEG next month will help find out what's going on in my brain, but I'm worried it'll show damage/abnormalities, something like that.

 

My numb emotions/libido worries me. I don't know what the cause could be, I'm scared it's PSSD/damage done by Lexapro, causing that. There will be short periods where my libido is normal, but my emotions are dulled. I don't feel laughter when I laugh, etc.

[rilexapro]

On 4/9/2019 at 5:24 AM, brassmonkey said:

There is a lot of discussion of adverse reactions floating around here.  Did you use the search bar?  It often works better to do a google search for "survivinganitidepresents.org (subject desired)".

 

An adverse reaction is basically your body rejecting the medication and usually happens quite quickly in the matter of an hour or so.  In some cases it can build over a couple of days but that is very rare.  The norm is that it hits hard and fast.  It doesn't matter what the medication is because it is how a persons body reacts to it that counts.

 

(Mod Note:  Post moved from the Immediate Adverse Reaction topic)

 

What about feeling an adverse reaction to an SSRI 2 to 3 weeks after reinstatement? What would the cause of that be? My problems took time to build up, it wasn't instantaneous.

 

Edited December 15, 2021 by ChessieCat
added mod note

[ChessieCat]

52 minutes ago, rilexapro said:

What about feeling an adverse reaction to an SSRI 2 to 3 weeks after reinstatement? What would the cause of that be? My problems took time to build up, it wasn't instantaneous.

 

See Post #1 of this topic:

 

about-reinstating-and-stabilizing-to-reduce-withdrawal-symptoms

 

[getofflex]

On 12/14/2021 at 3:08 PM, rilexapro said:

Was 10mg for reinstatement too high?

Yes, I believe it probably was.  Lexapro is a very powerful drug.  When we suggest a Lexapro reinstatement, we usually suggest about 0.5 mg to 1.0, sometimes even 0.25 mg, depending upon the circumstances.  

 

 

[rilexapro]

43 minutes ago, getofflex said:

Yes, I believe it probably was.  Lexapro is a very powerful drug.  When we suggest a Lexapro reinstatement, we usually suggest about 0.5 mg to 1.0, sometimes even 0.25 mg, depending upon the circumstances.  

 

 

 

You don't think it left permanent damage though? I feel bad. I don't think most people who deal with psych meds do that, where they put people on such a low dosage unless you explicitly ask.

 

A friend of mine quit 10mg of Lexapro cold turkey a few months ago, and went on it again about a week ago, he's had no problems thankfully. I guess it's just luck of the draw with if you can handle it or not.

 

It's sort of like a reverse of the kindling caused by alcohol, where if you're off it too long, your withdrawal is extremely sensitized. I quit 30mg cold turkey and had no physical or neurological symptoms out of the ordinary, however, it's strange.

 

If Lexapro is so potent, why is it given out as a first choice SSRI? I suffered from I would say severe panic/anxiety problems and OCD, not depression. Are SSRIs still given out for those problems before something like benzos?

[getofflex]

20 hours ago, rilexapro said:

You don't think it left permanent damage though?

No, I don't think it did.  However, it may take a long time for the nervous system to recover from it.  

 

20 hours ago, rilexapro said:

If Lexapro is so potent, why is it given out as a first choice SSRI?

I don't know.  Probably because it is one of the newer ones, and it is reported to be weight neutral.  Doctors have mostly been brainwashed by all the billions of dollars spent on marketing by the drug makers.  Most doctors are shamefully unaware of the problems caused by these drugs, and the withdrawal issues.  

[rilexapro]

10 minutes ago, getofflex said:

No, I don't think it did.  However, it may take a long time for the nervous system to recover from it.  

 

Hope you're correct. I'm seeing slight improvements, but the nerve/muscle problems are still here to an extent. I hope they can heal, even a year after it started. Memory is getting better here and there. Again, my problems might not just be Lexapro related, but a multitude of things made worse by Lexapro misusage. 

[getofflex]

4 minutes ago, rilexapro said:

I'm seeing slight improvements,

This is a very good sign.  It means you are recovering.  This takes months or years to recover from, I won't lie to you.  

[rilexapro]

1 minute ago, getofflex said:

This is a very good sign.  It means you are recovering.  This takes months or years to recover from, I won't lie to you.  

 

No, I know. Don't worry about scaring me or something, lol. Any improvement is a good sign. It means repair is possible.

 

Something I noticed is that when my absolute neutrophil count has been tested, it's been pretty high. Once in 2020 and once in 2021, it was tested, both times were high. That can be a sign of infection/inflammation. I don't think Lexapro would ever affect that.

[rilexapro]

Went for neuropsychological testing today. Felt a little fatigued, but I haven't had a regression into full on fatigue. I had another COVID test today, the rapid test was negative, PCR hasn't come back yet. I feel like it's too late to get a positive test, as I started having these problems a year ago, and this could be a post-viral situation. My blood work having issues implying a chronic infection/inflammation is interesting, though. Not sure how that factors into a post-viral syndrome. 

 

My father also tested negative for COVID yesterday. He had told me both my mother and himself had felt sick about a month after I felt sick in October 2020, it's possible we all had COVID, and just didn't test positive for it. My mother tested negative in November 2020.

[rilexapro]

Chronic severe fatigue/sick feeling is pretty much gone thankfully, worst problems are spotty memory (getting quicker than it was even a few weeks ago, but still slow at times, which gets me down), chronic numbness on the left side of my body, and numb emotions and libido. The other chronic problems are pretty much gone, my breathing can get shallow at times but not as much.

 

The numbness in my face comes and goes, it's very odd. I'm not sure if what would cause chronic severe neuropathy like that. I don't think I had neurotoxic damage, because my memory is improving. If I had severe damage, I don't think that would be possible.

 

I still get muscle twitches around my body from time to time. My sleeping has never been affected, never any insomnia or anything.

[getofflex]

1 hour ago, rilexapro said:

Chronic severe fatigue/sick feeling is pretty much gone thankfully, worst problems are spotty memory (getting quicker than it was even a few weeks ago, but still slow at times, which gets me down), chronic numbness on the left side of my body, and numb emotions and libido. The other chronic problems are pretty much gone, my breathing can get shallow at times but not as much

It sounds like you are seeing some significant improvements! This is wonderful!  Remember recovery happens in fits and starts (windows and waves) so try to remember this if you see a resurgence of some symptoms.  Overall, it sounds like you are doing pretty well.   

[rilexapro]

11 minutes ago, getofflex said:

It sounds like you are seeing some significant improvements! This is wonderful!  Remember recovery happens in fits and starts (windows and waves) so try to remember this if you see a resurgence of some symptoms.  Overall, it sounds like you are doing pretty well.   

 

The qEEG I have scheduled for next month will assuage a lot of my concerns, as it tests brain function. I'd like to get a SPECT scan or something like that too, but that's a long process, and involves radiation. 

 

I don't know what they would scan to see why I have numbness in my face. If it's a TMJ problem, wouldn't a brain MRI show that? Not sure.

[NoMoreLexapro]

5 hours ago, rilexapro said:

 

The qEEG I have scheduled for next month will assuage a lot of my concerns, as it tests brain function. I'd like to get a SPECT scan or something like that too, but that's a long process, and involves radiation. 

 

I don't know what they would scan to see why I have numbness in my face. If it's a TMJ problem, wouldn't a brain MRI show that? Not sure.

Hang in there.  I endured the worse period of my life  being on and in WD from lexapro and had to go to the ER 16x and as barely functional for almost a year with over 70 side effects/symptoms.  I'm almost fully recovered now.  You will improve.  I have faith in your recovery.