rilexapro: Problems with APRN, led to problems with Lexapro.

[rilexapro]

Lexapro is probably also the reason I'm basically blind in my left eye. 30mg of Lexapro probably caused that. I was diagnosed with keratoconus, but let it go because my mother, who I trusted it, downplayed it. Because of her, I'm in this situation. Lexapro can affect the eyes, but I didn't know that at all.

 

They all treated Lexapro like some quick fix sedative, and it wasn't. They tricked me into relying on this poison, and so I thought going back on it would fix everything, even though Lexapro wasn't even working anymore for me.  Awful parents, awful country that allows this. I'll never be the same again.

[rilexapro]

Fatigue is awful again, face nerve problems never go away, muscle twitching never goes away, bad memory, numb mood, dead libido. 15 months of this. Nerve problems usually go away sooner than that if they're not permanent. My libido used to be excellent before this. Even for a while after I took 10mg and got sick it was somewhat okay. Maybe a month after my problems started, I remember once getting nerve pain all over my face and body once during climax, which was really strange. It was like something in my nervous system was damaged or inflamed or something. That seems like a cardiovascular issue, but I'm not sure. Has anybody here ever heard of something like that happening? It was the only time it did.

 

For every success story, there's plenty of people who never really recover.  I'm guessing I'm one of those. All because I was made into an addict of a medication I had quit because it wasn't even working for me anymore, and because I was too stupid to push back and say no, I won't take it anymore, this is withdrawal, and I'll fight through it. I had never had issues like this on Lexapro before, so I just thought 10mg wouldn't do anything that bad. 2.5 months isn't a wildly long time to be off it. Quitting 30mg caused no brain zaps or anything for me, I found that odd myself, because I had gotten body twitching before when I went off it a few years prior, but that's about it.

 

30mg was too high a dosage to be on for years, and my brain probably couldn't handle the 10mg the second time around, it probably was toxic and destroyed something inside. The FLAIR hyperintensities seem to prove that.

[getofflex]

50 minutes ago, rilexapro said:

For every success story, there's plenty of people who never really recover.  I'm guessing I'm one of those

Where do you get that plenty of people don't recover?  

 

You cold turkeyed Lexapro from a full dose 15 months ago.  This is really hard on the brain, and often takes years to recover from. I don't say this in judgement, but just to make you aware that it takes a very long time to recover from cold turkey in many cases.  Please read this: 

 

How Long is Withdrawal Going to Take

 

Cold Turkey

55 minutes ago, rilexapro said:

I had never had issues like this on Lexapro before, so I just thought 10mg wouldn't do anything that bad. 2.5 months isn't a wildly long time to be off it. Quitting 30mg caused no brain zaps or anything for me,

Each time we go on and off a psychoactive drug, the more likely it is that each subsequent withdrawal with be more symptomatic and difficult.  So what did not cause us any problems the first time we went off, may cause lots of problems during subsequent withdrawals.  

 

Post Withdrawal Nervous System Hypersensitivity

 

I believe that in time, you will very gradually get better.  Hang in there, and try to be optimistic.  

[rilexapro]

I'm sorry for getting fatalistic. I just feel so foolish and reckless with what I did. I was smarter than this, I was always so worried about my brain, my big OCD trigger was brain damage, and then I just never thought to look up the effects of quitting this medication cold turkey. It's so stupid (and ironic) on my part. It's partly my fault for being so lackadaisical with my medication usage. I should have forcefully told the person I wanted to get off Lexapro, and if they wouldn't do it, to give me enough medication to see somebody else within the period of time. I just wanted a quick way out, and it backfired, I guess.

 

I still think it's possible something else was the cause, and not entirely the medication, but who knows. My blood work being off really doesn't seem like something Lexapro causes, even with my wonky usage. I get an inflammation feeling in my chest sometimes when my breathing is off, which could be after effects from COVID. It really could be a lot of factors, one of which is irresponsible SSRI usage.

 

My symptoms are the worst in the morning now. I'm not sure why. I slept 9 hours last night, but I wake up feeling sick and brain foggy really badly.

[rilexapro]

I don't really know what my options are here. People, when experiencing bad withdrawal symptoms, go on a lower dosage of their SSRI, to quell the problems. When I did that, it made it even worse for me. What would I do to ease these symptoms? If I had to work, I wouldn't be able to.

 

Do I really just have to feel this awful every day until god knows when it'll go away? My fatigue is awful today.

[rilexapro]

Nobody can help me figure out what the FLAIR hyperintensities in my brain means. Nobody cares. My neurologist doesn't care, he doesn't get back to me, none of these "specialists" care. I have brain damage in my brain proven by an MRI. Hyperintensities are lesions. I have lesions aka permanent damage in my brain, and nobody cares. I ruined my life with "happy pills".

[rilexapro]

Felt fatigued, again. 

 

I can't believe I let myself be on such a high dosage of Lexapro for years without ever thinking about the consequences. I guess because I didn't feel that unhealthy, I let it go. Has anybody on here been on such a high Lexapro dosage like that for as long as I was? 30mg for 4 years straight seems unhealthy looking back.

 

I was so irresponsible with my meds. I never researched the problems, withdrawal symptoms, PSSD, etc. I feel so dumb.

[ChessieCat]

6 minutes ago, rilexapro said:

I was so irresponsible with my meds. I never researched the problems, withdrawal symptoms, PSSD, etc. I feel so dumb.

 

We didn't know any better and trusted that our doctor knew what they were doing because that is what we were taught to believe.  And the information wasn't available on the internet like it is these days so that we can do our own research.

 

I am shocked by some of the drug combinations that members are on that a simple check using a drug interaction checker will show that they have a major interaction.  That is a lay person having access to it and doing it, so why can't a doctor.  It doesn't take long to do.

 

I had low Vitamin D and was told to take 4000IU which I did for a very long time without it ever been checked by the doctor.  It wasn't until I was researching issues that I was having that I realised that 4000IU was a very high dose and that I could probably reduce it.

[rilexapro]

12 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

 

We didn't know any better and trusted that our doctor knew what they were doing because that is what we were taught to believe.  And the information wasn't available on the internet like it is these days so that we can do our own research.

 

I am shocked by some of the drug combinations that members are on that a simple check using a drug interaction checker will show that they have a major interaction.  That is a lay person having access to it and doing it, so why can't a doctor.  It doesn't take long to do.

 

I had low Vitamin D and was told to take 4000IU which I did for a very long time without it ever been checked by the doctor.  It wasn't until I was researching issues that I was having that I realised that 4000IU was a very high dose and that I could probably reduce it.

 

My med prescriber wasn't even a doctor, really. It was an APRN who moved out of state, and kept me on as a client for years, and I'd see them by telehealth. I feel so, so stupid for never finding somebody locally, and researching my medication. 30mg of Lexapro is usually not something given out. I've read of it given up to 40mg for OCD cases, like mine, but then some people say past 20mg has no therapeutic value. 

 

I feel so foolish for letting a midlevel do this to me, and I feel so used as well. I filed a complaint with my state DOH, but who knows what that'll even do. The person saw me for 6 years, and then dropped me without any referrals or anything like that, once I had health problems possibly caused by them.

 

15 months of hell, possibly because I let people put me on this medication. Never get sad or emotional in front of people, because this is the result. They make it even worse.

[rilexapro]

New PCP was condescending when I said I wanted to see a second opinion neurologist. Said I should finish my time with the neurologist at the next follow-up, and then maybe see somebody else if nothing comes of it.

 

Are there any doctors that care, or are they all like this? I stressed how fatigued I am during the day, and these doctors bring up my anxiety/OCD diagnoses, as if that's the reason. It's so belittling. My life is just this now, because I was pushed around and led into an evil industry.

[getofflex]

5 minutes ago, rilexapro said:

New PCP was condescending when I said I wanted to see a second opinion neurologist.

 

5 minutes ago, rilexapro said:

Are there any doctors that care, or are they all like this?

I'm sorry to hear your new PCP was condescending.  These are the reasons why I don't depend on doctors.  I have as little to do with them as possible.  I'm lucky in that I don't have any major health issues.  

Edited January 4, 2022 by getofflex

[rilexapro]

27 minutes ago, getofflex said:

 

I'm sorry to hear your new PCP was condescending.  These are the reasons why I don't depend on doctors.  I have as little to do with them as possible.  I'm lucky in that I don't have any major health issues.  

 

He said to see the neurologist for the follow up in a few months, and then maybe I can see a second opinion. It wasn't out of the question, but he made me feel stupid for asking for a second opinion because this neurologist had "done a lot of tests". All he's done is neurocognitive testing and an MRI. Wow. He could have done a lumbar puncture to see if the hyperintensities are inflammation related, or a qEEG/SPECT/PET scan to see if my brain activity is off.

 

These people hear me say "I have numbness in the left side of my body and I can't remember names and words anymore" and do nothing urgently about it. They all think it's probably in my head. Really awful. I've had two abnormal MRIs, and nobody's suggested doing anything about the intracranial hypertension or hyperintensities. 

 

It feels like if I was rich, I could get all this stuff done without dealing with the red tape of these people. If I had a SPECT/PET scan come back normal, or even a qEEG come back normal, I'd feel less worried about the state of my brain.

[rilexapro]

Just still so baffled Lexapro did this to me, possibly. The symptoms are so bad, and it never did this to me ever before in the slightest. I just don't get it. I thought going back on 10mg was the responsible choice, and it wasn't, I guess. I don't know. I haven't been on Lexapro since October 2020, and I don't think I need it anymore. I was just in a sort of panicked state, and wanted anything to calm me down, but SSRis aren't benzos, so it doesn't work that way.

 

I don't know if I wish I had rather taken benzos over Lexapro, as long term usage of benzos can be vastly worse than anything Lexapro does.

 

I feel like I was lulled into a false sense of security, as the first week I was back on Lexapro, I felt okay, but by the second to third week, it got really bad. It was probably building up in my system. Who knows if I got serotonin syndrome? 

 

I still can't believe how panicked and frightened I got, where for 3 days I was constantly nervous, and couldn't calm down. Was it withdrawal? It was over 2 months after quitting Lexapro. Could it have just been a breakdown from constant stress and anxiety? My entire body felt warm, and I just couldn't let go what it was that triggered my OCD. I feel so dumb.

 

 

[rilexapro]

Is it worth going through all this? So many morally awful and mean people drift through life, never having to deal with things like this. My parents destroyed me before I ever had a chance. What's the point of spending 15 months doing this. What's even left. I went back on poison that my mind was tricked into thinking it needed, and now I'm impotent, my brain is like a dementia patient's, and half my body has stroke-like problems.

 

I just got dealt a bad deal from the start. I will never be the same again. So many people just never have these problems and have an easy life undeservingly. I'm on month 15 of being crippled, because I was put into an industry that doesn't care about people by parents who didn't care about me.

[rilexapro]

Hyperintensities are always lesions, meaning I have some form of tissue damage. My neurologist lied to me. Everybody does in the medical field, so that's not surprising. I have irreversible brain damage, and it's probably from the Lexapro misusage. My blood pressure was so high when this first happened, I probably had mini-strokes. I remember feeling like I was having a stroke. I'm overweight, so that didn't help.

 

I had a top number of 170 when I first went to my PCP. That lady put me back on Lexapro, caused me to have a stroke, and dropped me. What's even the point? Just to find out how ruined my brain and life is? My symptoms never go away. I shouldn't even have "symptoms". I'm 26. Hyperintensities don't happen to healthy people my age, I don't have migraines, that would be the only reason.

 

I give up. I hate this. I wasted my life. My life was sadness and it led to me constantly thinking about how damaged my brain is due to my own irresponsible medication usage.

[rilexapro]

Wondering what people think of these articles/studies.

 

https://www.ahajournals.org/doi/pdf/10.1161/strokeaha.107.498097

https://www.ehealthme.com/ds/lexapro/toxic-encephalopathy/

 

Second one seems to say that yes, toxicity from Lexapro can happen. I find it amazing that 10mg of Lexapro would do that to me so badly, even if I took 5-HTP by mistake at the same time. Serotonin syndrome usually doesn't leave permanent problems, and my health issues got worse even after stopping the Lexapro. If it was serotonin toxicity, the problems should have subsided once the Lexapro/5-HTP was out of my system. Really strange.

I wish I hadn't gone back on Lexapro, or at least I had a positive COVID test or something, because it feels more like I have a chronic sickness than Lexapro. My bad breathing problems and coughing up phlegm with blood when this first started seems like something Lexapro doesn't cause.

[rilexapro]

I still feel so stupid. I treated Lexapro like a benzo, not taking it consistently like you're supposed to, being wonky with usage, not tapering off it correctly. I don't know why I let myself be so careless. I guess it's because I had never had problems like this before with it.

I don't know if it's true but I feel like my yo-yo sort of usage of the drug is more irresponsible than most people on here. I just wish I stayed off of it. I got pushed/forced into trying it again. If it wasn't working for me, and I went back on it, I'm guessing my brain had a bad reaction to it.

[rilexapro]

Felt very fatigued yesterday, lips are pale again. I'm not sure if Lexapro can cause this. Lexapro can cause anemia-like problems from what I've read, but I don't take it anymore. The low iron problems I have seem to be caused by something still going on. I don't know for sure.

[rilexapro]

One of the worst things for me is that old memories from years ago are now very fuzzy. Can't remember specifics anymore, only general outline of what happened. I used to have really good recall memory of what somebody said, did, etc.

[rilexapro]

Feeling somewhat okay today, less worried about possible test results, etc.

 

Nerves on left side of my face are still a mess, but recall memory with names is actually okay today.

[rilexapro]

I had the same MRI results as the man on here who had neurotoxicity from Lexapro. Same nonspecific lesions aka permanent damage in my brain as he did. I'm guessing I have life-ruining brain damage from Lexapro as well. Wonderful. I give up.

[Lilmizz21]

@rilexapro how are you? I have suffered the same because of one dose of lexapro. 

 

I had an MRI come back as normal but something is defiately wrong in my brain. 

 

What other tests did you get to confirm this?

 

This is terrible that we have to push to get confirmation

[rilexapro]

On 1/14/2022 at 4:27 PM, Lilmizz21 said:

@rilexapro how are you? I have suffered the same because of one dose of lexapro. 

 

I had an MRI come back as normal but something is defiately wrong in my brain. 

 

What other tests did you get to confirm this?

 

This is terrible that we have to push to get confirmation

 

What are your symptoms? What are you suffering from?

 

I've had two brain MRIs, second one had hyperintensities. I've been told that it could have been after-effects from brain inflammation, which COVID can cause, I believe.

[rilexapro]

Not sure if anybody can answer this, but what are the consequences of using Lexapro during puberty? I took it around 17 years old, can Lexapro damage the endocrine system?

 

Since I was at such a high dosage, could it cause later issues with the endocrine system? I have that sella turcica issue, with is a pituitary gland issue. Does Lexapro interfere with that at all?

[rilexapro]

Something that's concerning that could be caused by Lexapro is that my emotions and my sex drive is pretty numb these days. It's odd, because I've said I started feeling sick in October 2020, but my sex drive was okay until I'd say spring/summer 2021. No idea why this happened.

 

I remember feeling very sick a second time in June 2021, maybe I caught COVID twice? I had no antibodies, but I don't know.

[rilexapro]

Just had a qEEG done, hopefully the results aren't anything bad.

[rilexapro]

Just got the results back for the qEEG.

 

This is the summary of the findings. https://imgur.com/a/fW5dvJQ

 

These are the results of the eyes closed test. https://imgur.com/a/YGz1Obg

 

These are the results of the eyes open test. https://imgur.com/a/WaGuPaF

 

Wondering if anybody has any advice or opinion.

[rilexapro]

Woke up today very fatigued, with half my face being numb. The feeling slowly comes back over time, but it's very strange.

I also had very pale lips when I looked in the mirror this morning. I know anemia can cause that possibly. That symptom only started after I felt sick.

How could the left sided problems and pale lips be connected, if at all? Has anybody heard of Lexapro causing this chronically, or does it seem more like COVID to people on here?

[rilexapro]

Been in contact with a doctor who specializes in qEEGs to determine if somebody has neurotoxicity.

 

He believes that I had serotonin syndrome, which may have left permanent problems for me, he could not make the determination that they were permanent, but he sees a lot of dysregulation in my cerebellum, which he said is most sensitive to neurotoxicity.

 

I am going to pay for a more detailed report, and see what he believes in full.

[rilexapro]

DOH got back to me, no reprimand seems to have been taken by the state against the APRN who prescribed me Lexapro. I'd like to ask why, but I'm not sure who I'd contact.

[rilexapro]

I'm still guessing my problems are at least semi-permanent. I don't know why this happened. It was just 10mg of Lexapro. Was my body that sensitized? I have this forever now? I thought it would help me. I never read about the side effects, nobody told me, and I never had any problems before this.

 

I can't orgasm, my memory is like an old person's, I get fatigued, half my body feels like I had a stroke. Why did this happen? It would have healed by now. I probably have permanent nerve dysfunction. Only 26, and my life is going to be worse for the majority of it.

 

The person who did it to me gets away with it, no reprimand from the DOH, nothing. She ruined my life, and gets away with it. I wish I never went back on it, I'd still be healthy, most likely.

 

Some stuff improved slightly, but I still have all my main symptoms, more or less. If it will go away, it's taking a very long time.

[getofflex]

Please don't give up hope, RI.  You did a cold turkey, and it can take several years to recover from this.  Lexapro is very powerful - it is supposedly 2-4 times more powerful than other SSRI's.  30 mg is a pretty hefty dose of Lexapro, so that was a major sudden change for your nervous system to try to adjust to.  

 

I've been tapering off of 10 mg Lexapro after being on SSRI's for 15 years.  I started the taper in August of 2017, and I'm still tapering and recovering from WD.  I will say, that I've felt much better in the last year than I felt before.  Yes, it takes a very long time, but you have quite a few years left ahead of you.  It's great news that some things have improved slightly.  The key to this is huge amounts of patience, and time.  Have you read any of the success stories here? 

[rilexapro]

21 minutes ago, getofflex said:

Please don't give up hope, RI.  You did a cold turkey, and it can take several years to recover from this.  Lexapro is very powerful - it is supposedly 2-4 times more powerful than other SSRI's.  30 mg is a pretty hefty dose of Lexapro, so that was a major sudden change for your nervous system to try to adjust to.  

 

I've been tapering off of 10 mg Lexapro after being on SSRI's for 15 years.  I started the taper in August of 2017, and I'm still tapering and recovering from WD.  I will say, that I've felt much better in the last year than I felt before.  Yes, it takes a very long time, but you have quite a few years left ahead of you.  It's great news that some things have improved slightly.  The key to this is huge amounts of patience, and time.  Have you read any of the success stories here? 

 

Why was it the first choice for my treatment, if it's such a potent medication? Why wasn't I put on something less strong? I feel abused, I was kept on it for years, and when I tried to get off it, the prescriber didn't care.

 

I've read Lexapro causes the least amount of side effects, but I don't know how true that is. 

 

I do read the success stories here, but just because they're doing better doesn't mean I will, my symptoms are quite peculiar, and not usually seen in cases like this. The person analyzing my qEEG seems to think I may have had serotonin syndrome. Who knows if that left permanent damage? The nerve numbness/dysfunction is the strangest part next to the memory loss.

 

The Texas Board of Nursing contacted me today about my complaint filed against the prescriber of my Lexapro. RI DOH seems to have not done anything about her, but the lady I talked to at the Texas BON seemed pretty interested in my case. I'd like to see some reprimand against the person who kept me on Lexapro for years like that, and then dumped me once I possibly had problems with their medication. I feel stupid for not pushing to get off it sooner, and I should have been more forceful in that, but I was apathetic. The Lexapro wasn't making my health any worse, so I just kept taking it, because it wasn't helping or harming anything.

 

My reasoning for trying to go back on Lexapro, and not another SSRI, was that Lexapro had never caused health issues like the ones I have now, and going on something else, say like Paxil, might have caused problems, if that makes sense. I guess that line of thinking didn't work out, but how was I supposed to know?

 

I feel so dumb, because while I do get down about this situation, my mood is a lot less volatile and quick to being irritable and angry, as well as OCD, off Lexapro than it was on it. It was probably making my mood worse for all those years, and I didn't realize it. It could be life experience factors as well, maybe my mom's death made me just more neutral.

[getofflex]

23 hours ago, rilexapro said:

Why was it the first choice for my treatment, if it's such a potent medication? Why wasn't I put on something less strong? I feel abused, I was kept on it for years, and when I tried to get off it, the prescriber didn't care.

Unfortunately, the doctors are in bed with the drug manufacturers, and the drug reps go around and give free samples of the latest drug to the doctors, and this is what they tend to prescribe.  It is a corrupt system.  I feel you, and many others of us are in the same boat as you. 

 

23 hours ago, rilexapro said:

The Texas Board of Nursing contacted me today about my complaint filed against the prescriber of my Lexapro. RI DOH seems to have not done anything about her, but the lady I talked to at the Texas BON seemed pretty interested in my case

These things tend to be very political.  I'm glad the Texas woman showed some interest.  If more people showed the initiative and assertiveness you have, there would probably be some changes eventually.  

[rilexapro]

21 minutes ago, getofflex said:

Unfortunately, the doctors are in bed with the drug manufacturers, and the drug reps go around and give free samples of the latest drug to the doctors, and this is what they tend to prescribe.  It is a corrupt system.  I feel you, and many others of us are in the same boat as you. 

 

These things tend to be very political.  I'm glad the Texas woman showed some interest.  If more people showed the initiative and assertiveness you have, there would probably be some changes eventually.  

 

It's possible that I was given Lexapro because (allegedly) it works the best with people, and has the least chance of bad side effects, and for most of my time with it, that was the case. Like I said, as best as I can remember, at first I got a little bit of sexual problems, but it went away. The fact the person refused to switch me to something else was odd, though. Maybe they only felt safe using Lexapro, as in they weren't experienced/knowledgable enough to try anything else? AKA they were a crappy medication manager, and were used to a routine way of treating patients.

 

Even if the Texas BON reprimands her, I'll be happy. She deserves some sort of thing like that I believe just based on her conduct and attitude. It's pretty obvious she was fine with taking me back as a client to continue getting money, but once I possible had side effects, she wanted to wash her hands of me. Telling somebody dealing with their mother dying of cancer, and now having to deal with rapid onset health problems maybe caused by your medication choice, that "they should have been to therapy years ago", when she had never required this before, doesn't look good to somebody that works in the BON. After my mother died, their advice was "working relieves anxiety". Excuse my language, but what the **** does that mean, lol? I've never heard anybody say that. This person used to act like a pseudo-therapist, as when I'd see her, she'd ask how I was doing in terms of my life, giving me advice, etc. Even though she's an APRN, not a licensed therapist or otherwise. I'm guessing the BON might go after her for that, if they go after her for anything.

 

My mother paid this lady for years, and this is the type of way she treated me, even though I was never rude to her, even after she had been rude to my mother more than once? I really do hope they take action against her, the lady at the BON seemed to sympathize with me, which is huge. My state's DOH just sent me a letter and never got back to me with why they didn't take any action.

[getofflex]

On 2/8/2022 at 4:36 PM, rilexapro said:

My mother paid this lady for years, and this is the type of way she treated me, even though I was never rude to her, even after she had been rude to my mother more than once? I really do hope they take action against her,

You have every reason to be angry with this health professional, and I can understand your feeling, because I too have been there.  She was very cold and callous, and showed no compassion towards you.  Please keep us posted on what happens with this.