Escitalopram21: WD from escitalopram and quetiapine

[Greatful]

@Escitalopram21  

Thank for the kind words♥️

20 hours ago, Escitalopram21 said:

I dont have the crazy paranoias of any kinds anymore.

I my gosh there is hope for me lol...Mine have turned into a monkey brain thing- I suppose a sort of obsession---Are you having any flashbacks still?  I am reading the book Your Body Keeps the Score and it has so far brought me comfort/validation/some understanding of why I think and react the way I do....

Wow the way your brain reacts to trauma and the how it hangs on to it...I am going to start the path 5 section  Paths to Recovery, soon....All these years I spent so much time trying to force myself to emotional connect to other humans.......Now I know more of why and I hope to be able to address my issues in a more healing way.

 

You are doing remarkable-- working in a stimulating atmosphere.. I know it's easy for me to say " don't let your collogues determine how you view yourself"

but remember you are doing fabulous more so  now when it WD...Don't let the monkey brain say anything different.♥️ 

 

Oh my gosh what's with the memory---You can ask my what I did 2 days ago  and most days its a spotty memory....I am going to go with the brain is still trying to find it's self and as it regulates more, the short term memory will be better lol........

 

do you have the summer off?  If so you could try a 1% cut and see how it goes.

or just stay were you are at---if you don't stabilize more you may want to just get off slowly-  only you can decide--you are the one going through it--

It is a big decision and scary after all that you went though---Thank goodness you didn't go back to Seroquel or start Wellbutrin...So easy to want it all to go away and feel good....Sadly we just don't know if the drugs are causing the problems/ or WD or ???????????? 

 

Soak up those moments of enjoyment-It's been a long hard fight for you.♥️

The few moment you can get of feeling a sense of calm in your body is wonderful.😊  

 

[Greatful]

@Escitalopram21  How are you doing?♥️

[Escitalopram21]

@Greatfulright now, not too well. 
so sad and angry about everything. Hate myself for not being able to do the things i was doing on seroquel. 
Hate myself for being so difficult ti live with and for my aggression and being scared of everything. Every week i feel like i need to get back on something to not scar my kids for life. Hate hate Hate this situation. 
sorry for the negative mind today. Thank you for checking in on me. 
 

 

 

[Greatful]

@Escitalopram21 

Please do not worry about being negative or expressing what you are feeling and experiencing---You are not alone with these thoughts--this is a very hard thing we are going through--Besides the more you fight these emotions and try to deny them the worse you will feel---It's okay to feel anger-depression-anxiety-fear- acknowledge them-then go to your body and see where you are feeling things--- be gentle with yourself-- oh now the big word "accept" You also know that deep down inside this is not you- but your confused brain- this is not going to be like this forever.. 

I can relate to the panic-fear and desperation..( I hit a pretty low spot for several days) .Somehow when we are back in the thick of it we tend to get sucked into the fear and doubt of healing---The times you felt a positive healing and feeling even a little bit better recede to the far bad recess of our brains---We tend to focus on how awful we feel and that we think we are sick--- When in fact it's just the brain trying to up regulate to a place of homeostasis.  So remind yourself not long ago you had some widows and your crazy thought have diminished♥️

 

Did you ever get the book The Body Keep the Score?  If not- I think it would be a good read for you....It has explained a lot to me of how trauma can affect our brains and that drugs usually just dull us so it is harder to process things and heal...I am at the part of learning some healing techniques....

 

Sending a long and tight hug🤗

 

 

[Escitalopram21]

@GreatfulThank you once again for your encouragement and Wisdom ❤️ 
feeling a little bit better now after screaming, crying and throwing things. 
 

I believe i might be suffering from pmds. I have had these ”anger issues” for many years so not sure wether its pmds or the lex. And they are always more severe when my period is about to start. 
Do you by any chance happen to know about anyone on SA who has recovered from ”anger issues” after stopping lex? 
haha you wrote earlier that your memory is shot but you always find the right things to say and have been able to give directions to the right persons thread or successtory 🤗

 

I am happy The body keeps the score resonated well with you! I read it in the autumn but was very triggered by it then. Might give it another try though.

How are you feeling after your last drop? 
You are such an inspiration with your positive attitude ❤️ Sending positive vibes your way!

[Greatful]

@Escitalopram21 

I can assure you that I struggle daily with staying out of the negative spiral lol

So much confusion in the brain  WD--trauma-negative distorted thoughts-morphed emotions-isolation- which I think the isolation comes from self protection from trauma--Funny how we think we need validation from others when really we don't "need it" we want it--somehow we can and will get to a place where the validation will come from ourselves. 

 

Yep these drugs can make us feel like we are crazy lol  I was talking to my therapist the other day--she is very supportive to my WD and  she also thinks the Lexapro is toxic to me--anyway, I get these pent up panicky feeling in my body and brain--sometimes it feels like a shrinking and itching- feels like my arms/body are going to start spasming --anyway she asked if I ever go out side and just wiggle my arms and shake--I thought- hey that might be a way to release tension in the body- so later I stood up and wiggled and shook my whole body lol -( not out side though) it felt really funny to do and I'm sure not a pretty sight- my gosh if someone could see me they might be calling the ambulance 🤣but it did release some tension--I told my hubby about  it later and said so if you see me stopping and start to shake and wiggle my body throwing my arms around this is why and  what would you think-he seemed to be okay with it....

 

I think your recognizing the anger  will help you come up with coping skills to help with it....who can not say what is what until you are med free.....Anger is a natural human emotion- you have probably some anger from your trauma-

When you feel the anger-can you ask yourself what is triggering you- sometimes it is coming from a place of what I'll say is misplaced coping/running---do you feel threatened by something which then triggers the anger response? anything big or small?  I  think it might be helpful to look at  doing the 1-30 session on "How to Process Emotion" on therapy in a Nutshell  on https://www.youtube.com/c/TherapyinaNutshell. 

She has a lot of other short sessions on trauma-anxiety-cbt and many others She is real easy to watch- my therapist encourages me to watch them...

 

Hey how is work going?  Do you have the summers off?

let's see manta for today---I am safe. I am will be okay♥️

[Ariel]

Hi @Escitalopram21

I don't remember whether I've introduced myself to you here before. If not -- hello. I'm a fellow escitalopram survivor and have been following along. 

 

I'm sorry for what you're going through with this potent drug. I must say I'm very impressed that you're managing as well as you are. From my point of view it looks like you're working hard and doing a great job. I realize it may not always feel that way from the inside, but please know that from my perspective your efforts are praiseworthy, especially given the fact that you are simultaneously balancing the responsibilities of job and family. 

 

I agree with what wise @Greatful has written to you in previous posts.

 

Interesting about the shaking, by the way. JanCarol has written about TRE - Trauma Releasing Exercises and I have seen other members mention it also. I haven't tried it myself. 

I've tried doing Kim Eng's Shaking Practice. I think it's Qi Gong or Qi Gong-inspired (so different from deliberate, targeted trauma-releasing per se, though it may have a similar effect; I guess it's something about moving the energy around the body and out to free up blockages and counteract stagnation? Dunno). Greatful's recent experience inspires me to explore this further.  

 

16 hours ago, Escitalopram21 said:

I believe i might be suffering from pmds. I have had these ”anger issues” for many years so not sure wether its pmds or the lex. And they are always more severe when my period is about to start. 
Do you by any chance happen to know about anyone on SA who has recovered from ”anger issues” after stopping lex? 

 

It could be both PMDS and escitalopram, like "This is your period on Lexapro." In my case, in escitalopram PAWS, I have definitely dealt with rage.

In the early days it was at all times of my cycle, just anytime -- and especially if/when I'd get triggered in relation to latent trauma. (I have complex trauma from childhood and adulthood, which has really been a wild card in WD.) Sometimes I felt I could just explode. It was certainly worse leading up to and during my period, as my baseline hypersensitivity peaked and I'd feel even more destabilized (hyperarousal, hypervigilance, extreme alert response, paranoia in the name of self-protection, etc.). 

 

I don't consider myself fully recovered from escitalopram yet, but it's gotten a lot better. Generally I don't feel angry anymore. I only very, very rarely get rage episodes where I feel like I could lose control -- and when I do feel that way, it doesn't last long, and I have more awareness while it's happening. It pretty much only happens when there's a trauma-related trigger. 

 

My menstrual cycle is still affected by withdrawal in the sense that leading up to and during my period there tends to be a significant increase in WD symptoms in both scope and intensity. Usually things are calmer in the couple of weeks after my period. This is also improving. The fluctuations are getting less spiky and symptoms are getting a bit more manageable (or I'm getting used to them, or learning to accept them, or all of the above).  

 

Are you familiar with the PMDD help topic? Many menstruating SA members find that WD affects their cycles, and their experience of their cycles,  one way or another. 

 

Also, I can't tell from your drug signature whether you use any supplements. I have found that magnesium, when taken daily, is supportive of a gentler menstrual cycle experience overall. If this is something you'd curious about, you can read about it in the Magnesium help topic. 

Please be advised that magnesium doesn't work for everyone in WD. Some members report that it can be activating, so do be careful and research the subject before taking action. If in doubt, ask questions and confer with the moderators. 

 

Bottom line: it gets better!

Healing is happening all the time, even when we don't consciously feel it. 

 

In solidarity and support <3

A.

 

 

[Greatful]

@Escitalopram21

How are you doing?♥️

[Escitalopram21]

@Greatful

thank you for the suggestion to look up Therapy in a nutshell. It was really helpful last week when dealing with a lot of Guilt and shame. I have to say its been a couple of rough weeks. I have been dealing with a lot of stress at work and toxic Bosses. Living in a supersmall town and having to work about 40 more y in this environment is killing me. I feel so trapped. Instead of beeing seen for doing a great job i have been bullied by my Bosses and shamed for things that dont belong to me, so i am in a really vulnereble place. Also my closest collegue has been going behind my back and acting as if We were friends allt the time.

on top of this my therapy is not going as i would wish. I feel like We are not on the same page, i feel worse after therapy and not better and she doesn’t even know How to not trigger things in me. I feel like We can’t get past the 19y old me that i was when i first started seeing her and i feel like going back to the 19y girl everytime i see her. I would like my therapist to help me learn How to process emotions and not just frame everyting.
 

Me and husband saw my SE-Therapist for emotionally focused couples therapy and wow. That was huge. Our first session had us both crying and my husband has not even cried when our kids were born. It was an amazing feeling to be that listened too and We both experienced that it was a big help. 
 

I have been experiencing serious brainfog now for a few days so i am scared that i might have to try a drop with the lex. I had decided to stay on the 3 mg until i have a stable job and our kids are a bit older but now i am not so sure anymore. It scares me soooo much!

I might have Overdone it with the exercise tho, i played padel for 2,5 h on Sunday! 😅 so physically i am in a much better shape than i would ever have imagined last summer and autumn when not being able to even do a 15 min workout without brainfog.

[Greatful]

@Escitalopram21

It's nice to hear from you❤️

So sorry you are dealing with a difficult work environment, not to mention feeling be traded by someone you were closer with. Do you get the summer off?

 

Stop all any negative self talk and  give yourself a big hug, you are going through a lot, WD, childhood trauma, raising a family and trying to work full time...Just saying all that makes me in awe of you.  You are amazing😊

 

Did you get a chance to look up the 1-30 sessions on Therapy in a Nutshell on 

"How to Process Your Emotions" This would be a good place to start.

I love her little video's. I love how she spells things out in a format that makes it easier to understand...And if you can't grasp them the first time, watch it again, in fact re-watch them as many times to remind yourself 😊

 

What is SE Therapy?  How does it differ from family practice therapy?  I am glad that your husband is going with you.  What a wonderful connection the two of you are having❤️

 

  Have you tried to be open and tell your therapist what you you are feeling? Do you feel like she listens too you? I have told my therapist a few times when I was a little upset by some of the things she's  said.  She was open to hearing and we were able to move past. I felt validated for speaking up. 

 

This whole taper-hold-thing is so confusing and frustrating. 

I see you have been at 3mg since September.  Have you seen any progress towards stabilization?  I really wish I had a answer for you...

 

I am here for you.❤️

 

[Escitalopram21]

I actually lowered my dose to 2,9 mg yesterday with the thought that i might take 3 mg again today but i took 2,9 so i Guess i am trying a 3% taper. A little bit of a tight Chest, fatigue, some dizziness and burning sensations in my brain so far. Hopefully it Will be okay. Dont know what else to do. The brainfog and tight throat after taking lex got me thinking that my body seems to build up the lex because i havent had any ”side effects” that i am aware of since last autumn. 
I have been stable for a few months i would say. Even to the point that i have been doing intense exercising for 60 min or more without it affecting my symptoms. And i have rarely had any symptoms the last month. So i Guess now is a good time in that sense. 
 

i Will be off in july so hopefully a little bit less stress. And i Will be starting a new job in august so more stress then tho.

 

Yes the Therapy in a nutshell was very helpful. I felt like i need more of that in my own therapy.
 

SE-therapy is Somatic Experiencing therapy. The body is very important in that and by focusing on sensations in the body We Will know How far to go and wont override our capacity. Look it up if you want, it is founded by Peter Levine who is a big name in trauma. I am not familiar with the therapy you mentioned but in the enotionally focused couples therapy that We tried We also focus on emotions and sensations as well as our attachment and connection to each other.

oh Thank you ❤️ I Guess it might sound better than what it actually is. We are usually acting from our childlike selves so it is either working on the relationship or splitting up. But We both grew up in emotionally unstable and unsafe environments so us even working on our relationship is huge.
 

I havent talked to my therapist. I guess i should. I just dont know how to do it. My peoplepleasing side has been really present lately. 
 

How are you doing? Will head over to your thread to get updates. 
I appreciate you ❤️

 

 

[Escitalopram21]

Hello @Ariel Thank you for your kind and insightful words, and for following along.
I really needed a bit of encouragement! 

and wow your signature reveals that your are medicationfree, congrats! what an amazing accomplishment.
 

Yes working with the body seems crucial when dealing with trauma. I Guess i would get a diagnosis of complex ptsd myself if i tried but as the ”treatment” would include getting pushed to more drugs i think i Will let it be with me diagnosing myself with it, Are you familiar with SE-therapy? 
i tried it a few times and it was very helpful. 
 

i am attempting a drop now after a 9 month Hold. Hoping and praying things Will be okay. 

I havent checked those links on pms/pmds Will give it a try! I dont remember having ”anger issues” before my period prior to the lex but i was only 19 when i got on it so who knows.

 

hope you are doing well ❤️

[Escitalopram21]

Day 3 after my drop from 3 mg to 2,9 mg. Feeling a bit unfocused, some sensations in my Chest, burning and Cold spots in my brain. Feeling of my brain jumping into things (crazy phobia) for example felt this when looking at bugs w the kids at work 4/10.

[Ariel]

Hi @Escitalopram21

Congrats on resuming your taper. You are very brave!

I realize it might feel nerve-wracking to make a change, but hang in there. You've been doing such a great job thus far, I trust you are doing the right thing. 

 

On 6/8/2022 at 9:31 PM, Escitalopram21 said:

wow your signature reveals that your are medicationfree, congrats! what an amazing accomplishment.

 

Thanks, well I did everything wrong so it doesn't feel like an accomplishment! Feels more like a bad accident, from which I'm still recovering. Many days I still barely know what hit me. But overall things are getting better, my baseline is improving and the remaining difficult symptoms are getting milder.

 

On 6/8/2022 at 9:31 PM, Escitalopram21 said:

Yes working with the body seems crucial when dealing with trauma. I Guess i would get a diagnosis of complex ptsd myself if i tried but as the ”treatment” would include getting pushed to more drugs i think i Will let it be with me diagnosing myself with it, Are you familiar with SE-therapy? 
i tried it a few times and it was very helpful. 
 

 

I hear you. There's really no reason to pursue an official diagnosis unless one needs it for financial reasons, for insurance coverage or something like that. That's really all diagnoses are good for, anyway, that's how much of it started -- diagnostic codes for insurance filing. At some point people got carried away and forgot about the artifice of the system and started believing the system was real on its own terms; this often happens. We humans can be quite silly getting lost in our own cleverness.

 

Anyway, yes I'm familiar with Peter Levine's work and SE-therapy. I'm glad you've found it helpful.

As with any kind of therapy, especially trauma-informed, finding the right person to work with is crucial. That's the trickiest part, in my experience, casting the right therapist for the role. It's so personal, like other relationships and friendships. Gotta be a good fit so that together we can co-create a safe space and have open, honest communication that goes both ways. 

 

By the way, I've always found it really hard -- impossible, actually -- to do more than one kind of therapy at once. Just mentioning it because I got the impression that you were doing individual therapy as well as counseling together with your husband. That would probably be much too much for me, and especially in WD it would get complicated with my poor exhausted brain. I am easily confused and disoriented these days.

I trust you're listening to yourself and doing what's right for you. Just remember you're allowed to take breaks and rest as needed. 

 

On 6/8/2022 at 4:26 PM, Greatful said:

Have you tried to be open and tell your therapist what you you are feeling? Do you feel like she listens too you? I have told my therapist a few times when I was a little upset by some of the things she's  said.  She was open to hearing and we were able to move past. I felt validated for speaking up. 

 

I agree with Greatful. It's non-negotiable that your therapist listens to you and hears what you are saying. When you offer feedback it should be accepted openly and your therapist should help you feel validated for speaking up.

 

If you don't feel safe sharing your experience and asserting boundaries around taking care of yourself in the therapeutic space, then this is probably not the right therapist for you at this time. It's important to be careful about this, especially in WD. You should never, ever feel pushed to do anything you're not ready for, and you should never, ever feel that your concerns aren't being taken seriously or that you're not safe speaking up. 

 

On 6/8/2022 at 9:13 PM, Escitalopram21 said:

I havent talked to my therapist. I guess i should. I just dont know how to do it. My peoplepleasing side has been really present lately. 

 

Ideally your therapist would be checking in with you regularly to help facilitate a situation in which you are encouraged to give feedback and talk about how things are going. I understand that it can feel difficult to speak up. Please know that this not all your responsibility. Yes it is partially you but the therapist is the professional in this situation and it's part of their job to help ensure you feel safe enough to communicate openly. They should be modeling that behavior for you all along and inviting you to share. 

 

If you don't feel good about it, take a break. You can always resume later. This sort of therapeutic work has to be done at your own pace or it won't be helpful and can even be harmful. You should never feel pushed or rushed or pressured. It's not reasonable to feel much worse after every session. Especially now when you're going through WD. The goal is to listen to yourself and listen to your body, both in and out of the therapist's office. So if whatever's going on is making it harder for you to listen to yourself that's a sign that it may not be the best thing for now. 

 

Thinking of you and sending well wishes, continuous best of luck to you with your taper <3

A. 

[Escitalopram21]

@Arielthank you. I Hope so, it deifinitely doesn’t feel like it. Before tapering i would say i had 2 months of feeling almost normal. My memory improved tremendously, i felt joy and pure HAPPINESS. I could do something completely normal and suddenly feel ”life IS good” it brought a smile upon my face. I was able to work almost full time and felt love towards my family. I Slept well every night, i could do intense workouts many times a week. 

I started Writing this reply on day 3 after my drop and now i feel significantly better!!

(I had hoped that the long hold would put me in a position where i am stable enough to not feel ALL the negative symptoms again. But here i am, with severe anhedonia, can’t recall names or words. Loss of interest in life. I feel most sad to loose so much of my childrens childhood, they are 4 and 8 😭

Today my girl got lost in the neighborhood and i could not even feel anything though i usually would panic in a situation like that. )
 

Doing two therapies at the same time was totally fine when not experiencing wd symptoms. Now i am not so sure, i Will have to see. But Thank you for the encouragement. 
I was very hesitant to do this therapy since my therpist dont believe in wd and when i talked to her about it and about that i feel i should have gotten further in my therapy after seeing her for so many years and felt like the therapy wasnt helping; she gave me a bill and said alright so this is our last session since it is not helping you. Which brought up a lot of feelings of being left alone and dismissed by a important woman in my life and all of my traumarreactions returned. (They are pretty intense)

So now i have no idea how to move further in therapy with her.

 

how are you doing?

[Escitalopram21]

7 days after my first drop in 9 months and feeling ok. Day 3 and 4 were tough but things are much better now. Do i dare to think my first attempt to drop my dose was successful?

[Pepms]

Hi @Escitalopram21 I was reading your post and saw that you experienced tingling, im having it too also after WD from lexapro, do you remember how much time it lasted? did reinstatement helped with that? thanks!!

[Escitalopram21]

I crashed totally in august last year due to almost CT with both Lexapro and Seroquel. 
So i experienced a lot of wd symptoms including tingling and all the symptoms you mention in your ontroduction. 
reinstating helped to some point but i experienced it even a few months ago. @Pepms

[Pepms]

@Escitalopram21 did they eventually go away after reinstating and maybe returned sometimes? im having them all the time for one month now, im 3 months off last dose, i wonder if im still in time to try maybe a 2.5mg reinstating

[Escitalopram21]

Yes in the beginning of august it was all the time and half a year later it was better. 
i was trying to find your introduction thread but couldnt find it. 
I am not in a position to advice you to reinstate, you need to listen to what altostrata, brassmonkey or any of the mods would suggest you to do. @Pepms

[Pepms]

@Escitalopram21 Do you think reinstating helped? i made my introduction post that is basically my 8 year lexapro 20mg taking and 5 month tapering, and 2 months after last dose all symptoms started, but i think it has not been aproved yet thats probably why you cant see it, i wish the mods could advise me but they havent read my post yet 😪

[Escitalopram21]

@Pepms

Please have a little more patience, they Will answer you as soon as possible. I understand it is not easy when you are in pain. A few more days and then you Will know what is best to do. Reinstating is recommended in the smallest dose available so 2,5 mg would be to much. I have read about reinstatements on 0,5 mg and less.

This site is run by volunteers and they are helping a ton of people everyday. 
While you wait you can take your time to read through the Tips for tapering off Lexapro and all the other sources available. 

[Greatful]

@Escitalopram21

I am so sorry that your therapist responded to you that way.  Did she not have any dialoged as to why you were feeling this way?  Is she willing to explore it farther to work better with you?  To me I think I would have that abandonment feeling.  I easily feel abandoned.😒  It's crazy how quickly we regress  back into the scared child.    Can you let yourself feel it, and where in the body you feel it?  Explain the sensation in your body to yourself...Then tell yourself you are safe at this time. You are okay right now.  Because you really are okay and safe.

 

Super glad to see you weathered the storm with the drop.  Unfortunately we will have to go through some set backs when we cut.  Remember you are doing a fantastic job working your way through WD, trauma, raising a family, working. You are a inspiration around here.❤️

 

 

 

[Pepms]

3 hours ago, Escitalopram21 said:

@Pepms

Please have a little more patience, they Will answer you as soon as possible. I understand it is not easy when you are in pain. A few more days and then you Will know what is best to do. Reinstating is recommended in the smallest dose available so 2,5 mg would be to much. I have read about reinstatements on 0,5 mg and less.

This site is run by volunteers and they are helping a ton of people everyday. 
While you wait you can take your time to read through the Tips for tapering off Lexapro and all the other sources available. 

Thanks, unfortunately in my country there is no liquid lexapro, so the smallest dose is 10mg, i could try to make a liquid solution to start lower but i dont know if it can be done with this pill

[Ariel]

21 hours ago, Escitalopram21 said:

Before tapering i would say i had 2 months of feeling almost normal. My memory improved tremendously, i felt joy and pure HAPPINESS. I could do something completely normal and suddenly feel ”life IS good” it brought a smile upon my face. I was able to work almost full time and felt love towards my family. I Slept well every night, i could do intense workouts many times a week. 

I started Writing this reply on day 3 after my drop and now i feel significantly better!!

 

21 hours ago, Escitalopram21 said:

7 days after my first drop in 9 months and feeling ok. Day 3 and 4 were tough but things are much better now. Do i dare to think my first attempt to drop my dose was successful?

 

Hi @Escitalopram21

 

I don't have any personal experience tapering properly but from what I gather is does seem like the symptoms can change day by day after a drop. 

I can see how making a cut can be scary, like one is holding one's breath to see how it goes. I guess it's important to notice the symptom pattern while simultaneously trying to keep in mind that things are changing day by day, maybe hour by hour. Noticing, accepting, non-reacting. It's quite a challenging exercise (sometimes I wonder what it would be like to send a zen monk through WD and hear them speak about their experience). Sounds like you know what to do and are handling things well. I'm glad that you're seeing some improvements now after a few tough days. 

 

I'm not an expert but my gut feeling is that since your body was doing so well before tapering you now know that this is possible. Your body remembers how it felt to feel good and this will return when the conditions are right. Please just remember that that was real and it will come again. The difficult moments are temporary and they shall pass. 

 

21 hours ago, Escitalopram21 said:

I was very hesitant to do this therapy since my therpist dont believe in wd and when i talked to her about it and about that i feel i should have gotten further in my therapy after seeing her for so many years and felt like the therapy wasnt helping; she gave me a bill and said alright so this is our last session since it is not helping you. Which brought up a lot of feelings of being left alone and dismissed by a important woman in my life and all of my traumarreactions returned. (They are pretty intense)

So now i have no idea how to move further in therapy with her.

 

Honestly, in my opinion, this doesn't sound right at all. If I were you I would not continue with this therapist. 

Why voluntarily put yourself through the unnecessary stress of dealing with someone (whom you pay!) who doesn't believe in WD? If she is not willing to listen to you and learn about it and trust you, then it is not possible to co-create a safe space of trust together, and at worst this can become toxic because she is not validating your experience. 
In addition, what you describe is a situation where you bring up an issue, saying that you feel like therapy isn't helping -- a good therapist would take this as an invitation to ask follow-up questions and listen to you to better understand what the problem is, so that they could help address it and adjust accordingly. She completely failed to respond to your needs in the situation and acted in a punishing way, which is a toxic communication/behavior style, what's called a "power move". 

It's like any relationship. Imagine if you tell your spouse that something isn't working and their response is simply: "Fine then, I'm divorcing you."

That is not an appropriate, mature, constructive way to approach difficulties or interpersonal communication, and certainly not in a therapeutic relationship. It just shuts everything down. That's the opposite of a safe space where one can be open and heal and grow. 

In my opinion the way your therapist handled the situation is unprofessional, wrong, and potentially harmful. I would not trust her with something as sensitive as trauma work, or any kind of therapy for that matter.

You say you have no idea how to move further in therapy with her. You're absolutely right, it sounds like there is no moving further with this person. Listen to your gut, trust yourself. It's time to say goodbye and either take a break from individual therapy for a while or look for someone else -- someone much, much better. 

 

I'm very sorry you had this experience. I have had some unfortunate experiences with therapists in WD and it's extra difficult.

Be gentle with yourself and give yourself lots of time and space to just focus on you and your taper and the aspects of your life which bring you comfort and joy. When you are ready you can begin to look for a new, qualified therapist. It will be better next time around because you will have the wisdom of your experience and will be able to take your time carefully vetting someone. You'll find a good fit. 

 

Wishing you ongoing improvements with this current drop, and continuous healing <3

A.

 

[Escitalopram21]

19 hours ago, Pepms said:

Thanks, unfortunately in my country there is no liquid lexapro, so the smallest dose is 10mg, i could try to make a liquid solution to start lower but i dont know if it can be done with this pill

In my country Lexapro comes in liquid as Celexa, check if thats available.

[Pepms]

It’s not, only pill forms of both escitalopram and citalopram, took a 2.5mg today I hope it goes well 

[Ariel]

@Escitalopram21

I remembered this website where they have some helpful descriptions of:

 

50 Signs of Good Therapy

 

50 Warning Signs of Questionable Therapy and Counseling

 

[Escitalopram21]

Thankful for your replies!

I Will reply to your kind encouragements after the kids are asleep ❤️

Just needed to make a note to myself.

 

10 days after dropping 3,5%. first 3 days were rough with anhedonia, upset stomach. 
After the 3 days noticing a strange pattern, every second day at 16-17 ish oclock having really strange thoughts that go away in an hour or so. 

[Escitalopram21]

Day 3 since stoppning another 1%. Still ok, Weird dreams Nothing else. Holding my Breath.

[Ariel]

@Escitalopram21

Sending good thoughts and support <3

[Escitalopram21]

Thank you @Ariel ❤️

And about that summer solstice party, thanks for the invitation. I am hopeful i can make it. 
I’ll bring a salad with Fresh tomatoes, mozzarella and basil. And some juicy meat 🍖 

It would be awesome, really picturing the party in my head!

[Ariel]

@Escitalopram21

That sounds delicious! 

We will set up a big buffet table with clearly marked WD-safe food categories, e.g. Low Histamine; Carnivore; GAPS; Keto; etc. Haha!

 

1 minute ago, Escitalopram21 said:

It would be awesome, really picturing the party in my head!

 

It does feel good to think about, doesn't it? 

Sending you a hug <3

 

[Greatful]

@Escitalopram21

Awesome, way to go.🤗 Little by little you will one day be drug free♥️

[Escitalopram21]

Thank you @Grateful❤️
Unfortunately my poor brain didnt figure things out correctly so i accidently took 1% less from my 3 mg not 2,9 mg so having an adverse reaction at the moment. Hoping that it wont Throw me off completely and that i can be back to feeling ok in a few days. 

[Escitalopram21]

The 3,5% drop 18 days ago didnt throw me off the bus like the 1% did 3 days ago which makes me question my measuring. 
Or is it just my poor brain panicking, because i am panicking over this. Could i have measured incorrectly or is it normal to have a stronger resction to a smaller drop Tham before. Had to get a new syringe which contributes to my paranoia with measuring.

I was sure the measuring was off yesterday because minutes after and even 3 hours after taking my med i felt lightheaded, nauseus, very ”not there” all kinds of symptoms. After 3 hours i felt better, pretty ok. 
Last night i couldnt sleep and woke up by a nightmare after 4h of sleep. 
does this seem normal or do i have to try and figure out what the heck I am doing with my dose?

@brassmonkey @Altostrata

and if i have messed up doses what should i go with?

tapering with 20mg per mg liquid so what i feel would be a 1% could easily be 2%.