gigithemagiccat: Anhedonia, memory loss, emptiness, no will to live and pregnant.

[gigithemagiccat]

12 hours ago, Altostrata said:

 

I had no idea you were due so soon.

 

Is this a psychiatrist you were talking to, @gigithemagiccat?

 

Do you see a line running down the middle of your lamotrigine tablet? The scoring means you can break it in half, if you want to divide your dose. You could take a sharp knife and cut a 150mg tablet in half. You could take one half (75mg) at 10 a.m. and the second half (75mg) at 11 a.m., then gradually move the second half later by one hour each day until you are taking it at 10 p.m.

 

This very gradual change should not cause any bad symptoms and may relieve some of the drug-induced symptoms you're feeling now. Please let us know how your symptom pattern changes while you do this (though your impending delivery may cause odd symptoms, too).

 

Make sure when you go to the hospital for your delivery that your doctors know you must keep taking lamotrigine on this schedule. Take your pills with you. Reducing the dosage can wait until after the baby is born.

 

It's essential you take lamotrigine at the same times each day, not an hour or 2 off-schedule sometimes. 

@Altostratayes she is my new psychiatrist, we speak over the phone every few weeks or so.

and yeah there is a line in between the pill, i will try going to my pharmacy and buy a pill cutter since i will be picking up the meds anyway.

that sounds good, i will definitely do that, hopefully i see some changes by taking it that way.

 

i will let you know how the upcoming weeks go. 

some days don't even feel like days at all, just one huge blur. 

and i can't seem to remember what is happening as the days go by, hopefully it's just this lamictal causing me to feel this way as well as the pregnancy.

ihope it goes away

 

i will let them know this. you're right, as much as i would like to just lower the dose to see and test how i feel, i wouldn't want to risk anything for when the baby comes and i have to function..

i will set an alarm or timer for each time i have to take a dose.

 

 

[gigithemagiccat]

15 hours ago, Kat66 said:

Hi @gigithemagiccatI just wanted you to know you weren't alone in feeling these symptoms, these are exactly the same symptoms as I'm feeling most of the time. From what everyone on here says, healing will happen eventually. You're not alone x

hello @Kat66 thank you for letting me know this, it makes me feel better to know i am not alone in feeling these awful and confusing symptoms that i convince myself nobody else could possibly be going through, since i don't know anyone in my personal life who does.

and i am deeply sorry that you do. you don't deserve this at all. do you find any sense of relief in these symptoms and how so? what have you come off of? 

and how long has it been? yes i believe so now too that healing is possible. we have to trust this...

you aren't alone either, i wish you find relief and peace from this and comfort knowing that others are experiencing the same you are going through. 

i wish you all the best, ❤️  i'll pray for us all

[Kat66]

8 hours ago, gigithemagiccat said:

do you find any sense of relief in these symptoms and how so? what have you come off of? 

and how long has it been?

Hi @gigithemagiccatin all honesty I find it hard to get relief from the symptoms and usually have to spend a lot of time quietly on my own to get any sort of equilibrium. The quiet helps me and the only music I can stand is ambient soundscapes like meditation music or birdsong/waves lapping etc. At least that way I can reduce the stress to a minimum. I appreciate this will be difficult for you once your baby arrives - lean on everyone here. We're all going through the same sh*t which REALLY helps. I came off citalopram CT twice this year, once down to 10mg from 20mg in January, then 10mg to 0mg in June. I'm currently on a 2mg reinstatement. Do you have people to support you once the baby comes? x

[Altostrata]

11 hours ago, gigithemagiccat said:

i will set an alarm or timer for each time i have to take a dose.

 

Excellent idea.

 

3 hours ago, Kat66 said:

Do you have people to support you once the baby comes? x

 

This is very important, @gigithemagiccat Is there anyone who will help you with the baby? Does the hospital have a support worker for new mothers?

[Darren]

Hope you are well Gigi cat. Reach out to that one friend if you can.

[Moonpie]

How are you doing @gigithemagiccat .   I have been thinking of you and praying for you. Is your sweet baby here yet

[gigithemagiccat]

On 9/16/2021 at 10:46 AM, Moonpie said:

How are you doing @gigithemagiccat .   I have been thinking of you and praying for you. Is your sweet baby here yet

Hello @Moonpie thanks for your prayers and thoughts, it means a lot. my baby was born on September 12th, and I haven't had much time to come on here and give updates as you might imagine everything has been pretty busy.

 

I am relieved to know I have a healthy and such a beautiful baby boy, as I had been worrying most of my pregnancy, and obsessing wether or not the lamictal would affect him or not but I'm glad everything is well.

 

As for myself, I have been struggling a bit, some days I want to live just for him, and I see a brighter future .but some days I feel absolute dread and emptiness with no hope. I want to be a good mother and wife but I feel like I'm not. But I'm really trying my best. I just want to be off this drug for good.

It feels like I'm never going to get better. And I think I'm t being even harder on myself because I want to be everything for him and give him what he deserves in life. 

Thank you for your support, I hope you are doing much better as well.<3 how are you feeling?

[gigithemagiccat]

On 9/12/2021 at 1:13 PM, Darren said:

Hope you are well Gigi cat. Reach out to that one friend if you can.

Thank you @Darren, it means a lot. I will soon, im pretty busy with my new baby but I will make sure to.

Are you doing okay? I wish you the best :-)

 

[gigithemagiccat]

On 9/9/2021 at 12:28 PM, Altostrata said:

 

Excellent idea.

 

 

This is very important, @gigithemagiccat Is there anyone who will help you with the baby? Does the hospital have a support worker for new mothers?

Hello @Altostrata, I've been doing what you have recommended with splitting the lamictal 150mg in half. 75mg at 9am and 75mg in the afternoon. 

I've been thinking of lowering the dose as my baby has arrived now, but I wanted to know how you would go about doing so after splitting them. 

 

I have my psych appointment tomorrow in the afternoon.

 

I have my husband helping me out. They did give me some resources at the hospital to reach out, I will contact them soon.

Hopefully they don't try and prescribe more drugs as I've heard they do that with new mothers.

[gigithemagiccat]

On 9/9/2021 at 9:25 AM, Kat66 said:

Hi @gigithemagiccatin all honesty I find it hard to get relief from the symptoms and usually have to spend a lot of time quietly on my own to get any sort of equilibrium. The quiet helps me and the only music I can stand is ambient soundscapes like meditation music or birdsong/waves lapping etc. At least that way I can reduce the stress to a minimum. I appreciate this will be difficult for you once your baby arrives - lean on everyone here. We're all going through the same sh*t which REALLY helps. I came off citalopram CT twice this year, once down to 10mg from 20mg in January, then 10mg to 0mg in June. I'm currently on a 2mg reinstatement. Do you have people to support you once the baby comes? x

Hello @Kat66, I'm very sorry you are still struggling. When did you decide to reinstate the drug? What are your current symptoms?  I'm glad the music helps to ease them at least a little bit. ❤️

Do you have people that understand besides this site? You are right it is incredibly helpful to lean on the members on here. I don't know how it'd be like if there wasn't a place like this, where we'd just have to get by with feeling these symptoms not knowing what is going on.

 

I wish you relief and deep healing from any symptoms you are having.

[Altostrata]

Congratulations on the birth of your baby. It's good to hear your husband is helping you.

 

1 hour ago, gigithemagiccat said:

I've been doing what you have recommended with splitting the lamictal 150mg in half. 75mg at 9am and 75mg in the afternoon. 

 

@gigithemagiccat how are you feeling, with the doses split? Are you feeling better or worse? How do you feel before and after each dose?

 

Having a baby is a big event, causing a lot of changes in your body. If splitting the lamotrigine dose hasn't caused any bad symptoms, I would not change anything for a few months, until your routine with the baby is settled.

[Greatful]

@gigithemagiccat  Congratulations on the birth of your son.  I am so glad that you have help, there will be a lot of hormone changes going on. I really hope the road smoothies out for you now.  

Take care of yourself and your new family.❤️

[getofflex]

23 hours ago, gigithemagiccat said:

my baby was born on September 12th, and I haven't had much time to come on here and give updates as you might imagine everything has been pretty busy.

Congratulations on the birth of your beautiful new baby!  I've been praying for you all this time.  

 

23 hours ago, gigithemagiccat said:

I am relieved to know I have a healthy and such a beautiful baby boy

This is fantastic, Gigi.  

 

23 hours ago, gigithemagiccat said:

As for myself, I have been struggling a bit, some days I want to live just for him, and I see a brighter future .but some days I feel absolute dread and emptiness with no hope.

This sounds like the windows and waves pattern of withdrawal.  On those bad days, our withdrawal brain wants to tell us negative thoughts, and that there is no hope.  Please don't believe those thoughts.  Thoughts are not necessarily reflections of reality, especially the thoughts of a brain in withdrawal.

 

23 hours ago, gigithemagiccat said:

It feels like I'm never going to get better.

 You are going to get better, as long as you take care of yourself, and be very gentle on your system.  I would stay on your current dose of Lamictal for a while.  Your body is going through major hormonal changes, having just delivered the baby less than 2 weeks ago.  Allow yourself a long time to let your body stabilize from the hormonal changes before you even think about doing any changes to your drugs.  

 

23 hours ago, gigithemagiccat said:

I've been thinking of lowering the dose as my baby has arrived now,

I wouldn't do this just yet, if I were you.  

 

21 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Having a baby is a big event, causing a lot of changes in your body. If splitting the lamotrigine dose hasn't caused any bad symptoms, I would not change anything for a few months, until your routine with the baby is settled.

Altostrata is absolutely right about this.  

 

23 hours ago, gigithemagiccat said:

I have my psych appointment tomorrow in the afternoon.

 

Please be extremely careful about going on any new psych drugs, or changing your lamictal dose.  Psychiatrists are mostly clueless about what you are going through, and are pretty likely to prescribe more drugs.  However, going on another psych drug could very possibly make your symptoms worse, and you want to avoid that.  These docs mostly have no clue about stuff like this.  

 

I'm so glad your husband is helping out, and that the hospital has given you some resources for support.  Please don't be reluctant to take advantage of these.  

[Moonpie]

@gigithemagiccat I was so happy to see your update! Congratulations on your beautiful little blessing. And that he is healthy and well  And that your delivery went well. Please listen to everyone and do not taper at all for a while. Your body and life are going through so many changes. And your hormones will be rebalancing. I know you do not feel like you will ever be OK but you will. Right now let yourself heal, adjust to all and embrace all the changes in your life ,and enjoy your sweet baby. I can tell you love him so very much and although you may not be feeling 100% with the medication  situation right now, you will give him everything he needs. Love him, hold him, enjoy him, and care for him. That is all he needs right now.  You are going to make it! (((Hugs)))

[Kat66]

On 9/24/2021 at 1:15 AM, gigithemagiccat said:

Hello @Kat66, I'm very sorry you are still struggling. When did you decide to reinstate the drug? What are your current symptoms?  I'm glad the music helps to ease them at least a little bit. ❤️

Do you have people that understand besides this site? You are right it is incredibly helpful to lean on the members on here. I don't know how it'd be like if there wasn't a place like this, where we'd just have to get by with feeling these symptoms not knowing what is going on.

 

I wish you relief and deep healing from any symptoms you are having.

Hi @gigithemagiccat thanks so much for checking in, especially when you’ve so much on your plate! Congratulations on the birth of your little one, does he have a name yet? I’m so glad we have this place, it’s hard for others to really understand the specific nature of what we’re going through. I reinstated my AD in July at a very low dose and am currently on 2mg. My current symptoms are a pleasant cocktail of irritability, anger, depression, anxiety and fatigue. Lovely. How are you managing so far with your little one? X

[gigithemagiccat]

On 9/23/2021 at 6:36 PM, Altostrata said:

Congratulations on the birth of your baby. It's good to hear your husband is helping you.

 

 

@gigithemagiccat how are you feeling, with the doses split? Are you feeling better or worse? How do you feel before and after each dose?

 

Having a baby is a big event, causing a lot of changes in your body. If splitting the lamotrigine dose hasn't caused any bad symptoms, I would not change anything for a few months, until your routine with the baby is settled.

thank you very much @Altostrata. yeah it definitely is, my life is so different now but i think for the best. its given me a purpose at last,

 

as for the tapering, well I don't notice much with splitting the doses. maybe a very slight difference when it comes to my memory issues recall and the anhedonia. Some days are worse than others, like I just can't feel anything, and my mind feels empty. sometimes i cry and feel rage and deep sadness but that goes away, and I'm starting to think I shut down a lot. maybe its also these herbs imn taking that help, holy basil and l theanine. they help in making me feel in touch with myself and reality and with memory for a little while. i think ill be fine with lowering the dose, as splitting the doses this way hasn't done much at all. I've set a routine with my baby so I know what to expect everyday now. 

 

what would the next step be from splitting the 150mg in half? 

 

[Altostrata]

You've been through a lot. Are you sure you want to take on tapering and potential withdrawal symptoms now as well?

 

Do you find a dose of lamotrigine makes you sleepy or does it have the opposite effect?

 

Here are Tips for tapering off lamotrigine (Lamictal)

[gigithemagiccat]

1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

You've been through a lot. Are you sure you want to take on tapering and potential withdrawal symptoms now as well?

 

Do you find a dose of lamotrigine makes you sleepy or does it have the opposite effect?

 

Here are Tips for tapering off lamotrigine (Lamictal)

@Altostratai know im thankful for this site though. and being able to have support from you all through all this. its made me feel like healing is possible and I'm just eager to move on and get better for my baby and myself. I'll always check back in for more updates as I taper,

 

the first dose 75mg in the morning always wakes me up and keeps me up during the day. i guess as well as the second dose. 

when I was taking 150mg during the day i think it made me feel way sleepier but im not so sure since I was pregnant during that time i was taking it, maybe that contributed but maybe not.

 

[Altostrata]

If I were you, I'd start tapering the earlier dose first, so as not to upset your postpartum self. A 10% decrease on your total daily dose would be 15mg, but that might be a big drop all at once for that earlier dose. I would start with a 7.5mg decrease; if that goes well, another 7.5mg decrease 2 weeks later.

 

That would give you a 10% decrease overall for the month. You'd be taking 60mg in the morning and 75mg in the evening, for a total daily dose of 135mg. Your next decrease on the morning dose would be 10% of the total daily dose, or 13.5mg. Then you'd be taking 46.5 in the morning and 75mg in the evening. As you decrease by 10% per month, the amount of the decrease keeps getting smaller.

 

You'll want to keep notes as you do this, to be able to remember the details. Please let us know how you're doing after you make these changes, as the effect of each reduction determines what to do next. Depending on how you feel after reducing the morning dose part way, you might then move on to reducing the evening dose.

 

See Tips for tapering off lamotrigine (Lamictal)

[Moonpie]

@gigithemagiccat  How good to hear from you! I have been wondering how you were doing but have not been on the site much to message you.. How is your sweet baby

[getofflex]

@gigithemagiccatHow are you and the baby doing?  

[Elaine5]

How are you?