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rachie: trusting this anxiety will get better


rachie

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I understand the physical part, I read other peoples experience and know it is real and severe, yet I continue to blame myself that the anxiety is all in my head. I feel 24/7 anxiety, stabbing sensations in my hands and feet, weirdness in my head, continual internal stinging sensation and so much more but I still will tell myself I have thought myself in to this and I am incapable of thinking my way out of it. I keep falling for the I am broken belief. I've only been free for about 2 weeks now and I'm trying to remind myself that this is in some ways just the beginning and I have to give it time for my brain and body to settle down. This is my 6th attempt to discontinue the AD in 20 years and I know that going back just starts the cycle all over again. Before I didn't have the knowledge to know about protracted withdrawal so I just thought my brain was too injured and I was stuck on them. I would like to hear some success in have the panic button lessen over time.  

Paxil  2000 - 2002  Tried unsuccessfully to discontinue

2002 - 2010 A series of trial and error, Wellbutrin, Effexor and unsuccessful attempts to discontinue.  

2010 - 2017 Lexapro With several unsuccessful attempts to withdraw 

2012 - 2017 Lamictal Successfully withdrew Lamictal no problem

2017 - 2020 Switched to 40mg. Prozac to prepare try another Withdrawal. 

2020 - On 15mg Remeron for a few months during withdrawal

Completely off of Antidepressants since Sept. 2020

Klonipin as needed throughout the process. .25 mostly, some .5, some .125,  2 to 12 times per mo.

 

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  • ChessieCat changed the title to rachie: trusting this anxiety will get better
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi rachie and welcome to SA,

 

So that we can offer suggestions we need to know more about your drug history.

 

Please create your drug signature.  This explains what is needed:

 

Instructions:  Withdrawal History Signature


Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature

 

This is your own Introduction topic which is the place to ask questions about your own situation and journal your progress.

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

 

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:    (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq      on 13th November 2021

Woohoo!!!  Finally off Pristiq    Post 0 updates start here

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

My full tapering program     My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)    My website

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.  Please DO NOT TAG me - thank you.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Please post after you have created your drug signature so that we will know that you have done it.

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

 

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:    (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq      on 13th November 2021

Woohoo!!!  Finally off Pristiq    Post 0 updates start here

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

My full tapering program     My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)    My website

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.  Please DO NOT TAG me - thank you.

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  • 3 months later...

I'm at 4 months off of Prozac after year taper and have hit a 10 day wave thzt feels like square one. Intense anxiety, panic and not wanting to go anywhere with suicidal ideation. I feel like I read other posts where people felt like they went back to hell after 4 months or so. The process of motivating myself to see another day is dwindling and I feel like this is not going to improve. I'm thinking should I just get back on but that feels so compromising. I'm just looking for some encouragement. I do diet, exercise, meditation, trauma therapy. Honestly it doesn't feel like it is helping budge the panic. Of course I wonder is it all in my head. But my body feels hijacked, exhausted and annoyed internally. Any encouragement would be appreciated. I feel like can I just go to a cabin in the woods and curl up for 6 mos to a year to give my body time to heal without any pressure to see people or go places but that's just reinforces the panic avoidance. Or can I not avoid the the panic because of what this is doing to my mind and body. 

Paxil  2000 - 2002  Tried unsuccessfully to discontinue

2002 - 2010 A series of trial and error, Wellbutrin, Effexor and unsuccessful attempts to discontinue.  

2010 - 2017 Lexapro With several unsuccessful attempts to withdraw 

2012 - 2017 Lamictal Successfully withdrew Lamictal no problem

2017 - 2020 Switched to 40mg. Prozac to prepare try another Withdrawal. 

2020 - On 15mg Remeron for a few months during withdrawal

Completely off of Antidepressants since Sept. 2020

Klonipin as needed throughout the process. .25 mostly, some .5, some .125,  2 to 12 times per mo.

 

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Hi Rachie,

 

I'm a little bit ahead of you in terms of times of the drug, but my taper was way to fast.

 

I got hit with a pretty nasty wave which lasted around 3 weeks around the 4 month mark. It did pass, and it will for you too. I've found going for a walk outside with some music helpful when i feel particularly bad

Started Lexapro 5mg Mid March 2020

Came off Completely September 2020

Hospitalised september 2021

Slowly worked up to 50mg lamictal and 60mg Prozac

reduced to 20mg Prozac September 2021

Holding 20mg Prozac and 50mg Lamictal for a good while to stabilise. November 2021

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  • 3 weeks later...

Rachie, do you take any supplements for anxiety? I take a pro-biotic that is geared towards mood. There is some evidence that sows that mental health starts in the gut and people who have mental health issues are lacking certian strains of micro biota. So they have created probiotics that have these strains, thankfuly. However, it is not a quick fix. It takes several months of taking them for you gut to flourish and these strands to colonize. But it will be great for your future. Also, we lose magneisum when we are stressed. We actually pee it out. Low magnesium levels cause us to feels anxiety and depression but anxiety also causes us to lose magnesium. And withdrawal is very stressful so if I were you, I would think about getting on a magneisum supplement to help your body while its going though so much. Also, Omega 3 oils are great for the brain. And our brains are working hard to get shiny and new. REMEMBER, the bouts of anxiety and depression are not you, its just a symptom. Something that could come and go for a little while. Ride the way. Take care of yourself, treat your body like a temple. No alcohol, drug use, lots of fruits and veggies, not alot of added sugar, go to bed at the same time every evening and create a bedtime routine for yourslef. Wind down with no screen use, food or water a few hours before laying down. Be active. FORCE yourself to be in situations where you are more likely to smile or laugh. This will build serotonin!! This will be hard work for a little while; no doubt. Give yourself lots of grace. Lots and lots. And totally check out those supplements, seriously, they might change your life. Im not a doctor, but Im really into nutrition. Oh, and get Magneisum in the form of Glycinate. This is best for moods and wont make you poop your brains out!

Age 14-24 Celexa.    Stopped Celexa in May age 24, after a 1 year long taper done by myself

Age 24-28 Back on Celexa in September Age 24 until Age 28, May, stopped Celexa after another 1 year long taper by myself.

Age 29.  November- started Celexa 1 month after giving birth

Age 31   May- stopped Celexa after 1 year long taper. 

Age 34  April- started Celexa after shots of steroids in my back. 

Age 35  June- stopped Celexa semi cold turkey

Age 35   September- started Lexapro 15mg

Age 36   November 5th- went down to 12.5mg for a week, then 10mg.

 Age 37  December 5th- went down to 7.5mg for a week, then 5mg. January 22nd- 0mg

I am taking around 800mg of Magnesium Glycinate, 500mg of Magnesium L-Threonate, Vitamin D 2,000, Tumeric, Vital Biome Gut Microbiome Support, 99mg Potassium, 1,333mcg Methylfolate, ProBio 5. I also take Juice Plus supplements. Green tea every AM

Rarely gluten, dairy, added sugars. No alcohol or drug use.  Organic, whole foods, active lifestyle

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Rachie, please post in your Introduction topic.  Only one Intro topic per member.  Thanks.

 

rachie-trusting-this-anxiety-will-get-better

 

 

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

 

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:    (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq      on 13th November 2021

Woohoo!!!  Finally off Pristiq    Post 0 updates start here

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

My full tapering program     My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)    My website

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.  Please DO NOT TAG me - thank you.

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  • Administrator

I'm sorry, Rachie. Did anything happen to trigger this wave?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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I really haven't gotten much away from the waves yet. It's just some are worse than others. I am clear that I have underlying trauma issues that have been kicked up in a big way from this withdrawal process and i am seeking help for it. I am not always clear what is withdrawal and what is the ptsd stuff. My stress tolerance from the withdrawal is so low but i guess time will heal that. So stress fuels the waves in my opinion and stress for me is having people around or even the smallest commitment. A lot of the physical is lessening for me. The mental stuff, not being able to care about anything, crying, intense anxiety, waking to fear and dread, suicidal ideation, not wanting to leave the house and depression are the stubborn issues. It's been 5 months off of Prozac.     

Paxil  2000 - 2002  Tried unsuccessfully to discontinue

2002 - 2010 A series of trial and error, Wellbutrin, Effexor and unsuccessful attempts to discontinue.  

2010 - 2017 Lexapro With several unsuccessful attempts to withdraw 

2012 - 2017 Lamictal Successfully withdrew Lamictal no problem

2017 - 2020 Switched to 40mg. Prozac to prepare try another Withdrawal. 

2020 - On 15mg Remeron for a few months during withdrawal

Completely off of Antidepressants since Sept. 2020

Klonipin as needed throughout the process. .25 mostly, some .5, some .125,  2 to 12 times per mo.

 

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  • 4 months later...

It's been 8 months off AD after a 1 yr taper and I still wake up shaking and with a strong heartbeat every morning. The anxiety is still daily all day. I'm beginning to wonder if this is from the wd or could it be something else. I am so slowly seeing improvement but it is hard to keep feeling like this will be over one day. Others still have these symptoms 8 mos out and importantly have others had them this long and eventually recovered from it? Thanks.  Looking for clarity and encouragement. 

Paxil  2000 - 2002  Tried unsuccessfully to discontinue

2002 - 2010 A series of trial and error, Wellbutrin, Effexor and unsuccessful attempts to discontinue.  

2010 - 2017 Lexapro With several unsuccessful attempts to withdraw 

2012 - 2017 Lamictal Successfully withdrew Lamictal no problem

2017 - 2020 Switched to 40mg. Prozac to prepare try another Withdrawal. 

2020 - On 15mg Remeron for a few months during withdrawal

Completely off of Antidepressants since Sept. 2020

Klonipin as needed throughout the process. .25 mostly, some .5, some .125,  2 to 12 times per mo.

 

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l think this is common both in SSRI WD as well as in anxiety in general and is often related to cortisol levels being higher in the morning.

2014 & 2017 - 25mg sertraline for postpartum depression

Late May ‘20 - Early June ‘20: 7.5mg buspirone 2x/day (adverse reaction)

Mid-June ‘20 (six days total): 5mg escitalopram (adverse reaction)

currently taking: vitamin D, magnesium, omega 3, occasional melatonin.

no alcohol, no caffeine.

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I am not a mod, but I will Talk about my experience. 

 

I am 14 months out after CT'ed, and I still wake-up with palpitations and ectopic heartbeats. I had blood test done in February and everything was fine.

 

A lot of people have this problems during WD. But if It makes you feel better, go to the doctor. 

March 2019: 10mg Citalopram

April 2019: 20mg Citalopram

October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. 

March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. 

April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram.

I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). 

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  • 2 months later...

I need to do something here. 1. continue on in this pain and let time do it's thing. 2. Reinstate after a year or use the klonopin to help me through this  3. Try the Lamitrogine. I am getting desperate. I did a 1 year taper and have been off of Prozac for almost an additional year and I am really struggling here. I have tried so hard not to go back to the drugs but I can barely function. Anxiety, shakiness, palpitations, agoraphobia, panic attacks (which is what got me started on these drugs) and total loss of caring for life, my family etc. I have a wave which always involves crazy heat from deep within my body, nerve ending activation, swollen glands, severe anxiety, suicidal ideation and hopelessness and then a little better , then insomnia and back to a wave. I'm getting pretty desperate here. I have taken supplements of all sorts on and off and am going to quit them all as of today. I have klonopin that I use sparingly. I am wondering about the Lamitrogine. Does the microdosing of it help at all with the anxiety (and I think Akithesia). I took it in the past and that was the one drug (and first drug I came off of) that I didn't seem to have trouble discontinuing. I keep thinking this is all in my head because of my trauma ptsd issues ( I'm in intensive therapy for it). I'm just still so bad after a year and wonder if I need to do something. I'm definitely losing hope. This is so unbelievably hard and surreal. I've been relatively quiet. Just reading people posts but i am asking for some guidance here. I don't know if it is normal to be this anxious still almost 2 years out. I don't mind the pain. The anxiety is life altering. (and yes i have completely cleaned up my diet, regular meditation, yoga, light exercise) Thank you for any input. 

Edited by arbor

Paxil  2000 - 2002  Tried unsuccessfully to discontinue

2002 - 2010 A series of trial and error, Wellbutrin, Effexor and unsuccessful attempts to discontinue.  

2010 - 2017 Lexapro With several unsuccessful attempts to withdraw 

2012 - 2017 Lamictal Successfully withdrew Lamictal no problem

2017 - 2020 Switched to 40mg. Prozac to prepare try another Withdrawal. 

2020 - On 15mg Remeron for a few months during withdrawal

Completely off of Antidepressants since Sept. 2020

Klonipin as needed throughout the process. .25 mostly, some .5, some .125,  2 to 12 times per mo.

 

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  • arbor changed the title to Lamitrogine?
  • Moderator

Dear rachie,

I'm glad you're sharing this.  It is so truly awful what you're going through.  I can relate only too well.  Unfortunately, these symptoms can still be happening, especially when you've been exposed to Remeron and Prozac.  What you're feeling is sadly "normal" for psycho-drug withdrawals.  These are the terrible Neuro-emotions .

 

To address your questions, I'll start with Lamictal.  Here are some links on reinstating at a small dose:

about-reinstating-and-stabilizing-to-reduce-withdrawal-symptoms

Lamictal (lamotrigine) to calm post-acute withdrawal symptoms

 

In your second question:

2. Reinstate after a year or use the klonopin to help me through this

which drug are you thinking of reinstating?  I see you're using klonopin sparingly already, so I realize you're probably well aware of the danger of dependency with that.  Is it helping you?  Are there any other things that help?  Not the supplements, I see, although for the long run I do recommend you use the omega 3's, magnesium, and perhaps melatonin, even if you can't feel their effects yet.  Have you found that any of the calming ideas in the self care section have worked even briefly?  Since I'm in a similar boat to the one you're in, I know how more than frustrating and scary these symptoms are.  It's amazing that anyone can survive them.  I never could have imagined anything like the suffering we're going through.  

This brings up a question in passing.  Do you feel the PTSD therapy is calming for you or perhaps too stimulating for you during this time when your system is so highly stressed?  I strongly support reducing stress as much as you can for the time being.

Finally, your first question: let time do its thing.  

From the studies I've read, it can take, often takes, a long, and in some cases, longer time for the effects of these drugs to dissipate.  How to hang in there is the bottom line while not making things worse. 

Here's more links for tips on surviving in the meantime: 

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

Music for self-care: calms hyperalertness, anxiety, aids relaxation and sleep

 

Ways to cope with daily anxiety

 

Dealing With Emotional Spirals 

 

Shame, guilt, regret, and self-criticism


Rachie, you've done a lot of amazing work to get off these drugs.  I admire your strength in getting this far.  

Sending you all my support,

Arbor

Zoloft: 1995 - 2015

Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on  December 15, 2018

Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019  (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019

Enalapril: 2010 - 2019

Lipitor: 2017 -2017

Metformin: 2000 - 2020

Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019

Levothyroxine: 2000 - 

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  • Moderator

@rachieI forgot to mention, please only post your questions like the above in your Introduction.

Zoloft: 1995 - 2015

Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on  December 15, 2018

Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019  (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019

Enalapril: 2010 - 2019

Lipitor: 2017 -2017

Metformin: 2000 - 2020

Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019

Levothyroxine: 2000 - 

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  • ChessieCat changed the title to rachie: trusting this anxiety will get better
  • Moderator Emeritus

Just a note to let you know that I've renamed rachie's topic to the original topic name.  I didn't want anyone to think they were going a bit crazy 😊

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

 

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:    (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq      on 13th November 2021

Woohoo!!!  Finally off Pristiq    Post 0 updates start here

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

My full tapering program     My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)    My website

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.  Please DO NOT TAG me - thank you.

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To answer Arbor. I don't know which I'm referring to on reinstatement. I guess I would try the lamitrogine low dose first. Going back to ssri after almost two years in to this process would be a last resort. I just don't feel much progress. Just small degrees of less awful. I use the klonopin when I just can't do something I need to do for work or  another commitment. I have.5mg pills and I take 1/2 or 1/4 once or twice a week. It helps take the edge off of the panic but I don't take enough to feel relaxed by any means. Everyday is 100% about anxiety and the tape in my mind is not helping but I'm exhausted of it and in an emotional anxiety loop. Or is it physical. I definitely feel my fight or flight has been in full on mode since I started. I don't know how much is withdrawal. Ive hung in here a long time but I'm breaking down in resolve. As for the trauma work. I think Kelly Brogans book Own Yourself speaks to me. I have a lot of old trauma that is ptsd in my body. This withdrawal is unmasking it so I guess I just need to go through it. It can be stressful though. 

Paxil  2000 - 2002  Tried unsuccessfully to discontinue

2002 - 2010 A series of trial and error, Wellbutrin, Effexor and unsuccessful attempts to discontinue.  

2010 - 2017 Lexapro With several unsuccessful attempts to withdraw 

2012 - 2017 Lamictal Successfully withdrew Lamictal no problem

2017 - 2020 Switched to 40mg. Prozac to prepare try another Withdrawal. 

2020 - On 15mg Remeron for a few months during withdrawal

Completely off of Antidepressants since Sept. 2020

Klonipin as needed throughout the process. .25 mostly, some .5, some .125,  2 to 12 times per mo.

 

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  • Moderator

W/d is beyond belief.  I just try to take things one moment at a time.  I'm glad you're getting help from Kelly Brogan's book.

Be good to yourself,

Arbor

 

Zoloft: 1995 - 2015

Prozac: 2015 - 2018 (tapered from 40mg x day on July 31 to 30mg on August 31 to 20mg on September 31 to 10mg October 31 to 0mg on  December 15, 2018

Gabapentin: 2016 to 2019  (tapered from 300mg x day to 150mg on August 31, 2019 to 75mg on September 15 to 50mg on September 31 to 25ishmg on October 15 to 0mg on December 1, 2019

Enalapril: 2010 - 2019

Lipitor: 2017 -2017

Metformin: 2000 - 2020

Liothyronine: 2007 - 2019

Levothyroxine: 2000 - 

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  • 5 weeks later...

One year out

 

I'm one year off and still struggling with so much anxiety and neuro emotions that I'm beginning to question if this will ever get better or if this is it. I would love to hear from others who were still struggling after a year but eventually made it through to a decent place. 

Edited by ChessieCat
added topic title before merging with intro topic

Paxil  2000 - 2002  Tried unsuccessfully to discontinue

2002 - 2010 A series of trial and error, Wellbutrin, Effexor and unsuccessful attempts to discontinue.  

2010 - 2017 Lexapro With several unsuccessful attempts to withdraw 

2012 - 2017 Lamictal Successfully withdrew Lamictal no problem

2017 - 2020 Switched to 40mg. Prozac to prepare try another Withdrawal. 

2020 - On 15mg Remeron for a few months during withdrawal

Completely off of Antidepressants since Sept. 2020

Klonipin as needed throughout the process. .25 mostly, some .5, some .125,  2 to 12 times per mo.

 

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12 hours ago, rachie said:

One year out

 

I'm one year off and still struggling with so much anxiety and neuro emotions that I'm beginning to question if this will ever get better or if this is it. I would love to hear from others who were still struggling after a year but eventually made it through to a decent place. 

I made some progress from 20 mg to 10 mg Seroxat. But still struggling with anxiety and very rare panic attack. Holding almost two year not going down but king of losing hope to be symptoms free. I can live but when I remember that on 20 mg I was fine without panic and anxiety then I feel sad. Now it's no way out I mean I can't go back on that **** 20 mg. So need to hold on work and keep going. On good days I am very positive and then bad days making me depressed.

Paroxetine since 2005 20mg

Paroxetine since 2020 Januari 10 mg

Paroxetine 25-09-2020 -5% currently 9.5mg

Paroxetine 15-04-2021 9 mg

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  • 1 month later...
  • Administrator

@rachie how are you doing?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Hi Altostrata, thank you so much for asking. I actually just this past week after 14 months feel like I am starting to have some windows. It seems the physical stuff is going before the emotional. Shorter waves and not as intense. The anxiety in my brain and body has been relentless. This has been the first week where I actually have some fleeting senses of being able to feel myself in the world around me instead of non stop high speed thoughts and being so anxious that I'm totally detached from everything I'm doing. I've had intense agoraphobia and suicidal ideation during this and my days have been about trying to push my world a little more open each day and none of it is fun, just survival. I'm now having some moments of feeling like I want to be a part of the world or at least that I will be one day. It feels like a sputtering engine that is trying to come back online. I hope to be able to write a success story one day. I keep hanging in. I do understand at this point that time is the biggest healer of all on this. I've tried many things along the lines of self care, nutrition, therapy, meditation, and yes, even some medication to help with symptoms at times but time is the biggest healer of all of them. A month ago I was considering throwing in the towel and going back to medication because I just couldn't see living like this indefinitely. I didn't and I am feeling a forward shift happening. Blessings to you for this site and all of your work. I'm also working on accepting that no one will ever understand how insanely painful and terrifying this process is except the people on this site. My best friend is a doctor. She has been through this with me for a year and a half now and has seen me shaking, crying, desperate and has heard it all. You think they are getting it and just last week she started mirtazapine for insomnia. She said it's not being used as an antidepressant, it is a sleep aid! That just set in motion for me a whole round of anger at the medical professions denial. So again, I am grateful to you and Kelly Brogan snd the others who have offered a lifeline. I tried for 20 years to get off these things and didn't find this info until I was over half way through a taper that I could have done differently so thank you!

Paxil  2000 - 2002  Tried unsuccessfully to discontinue

2002 - 2010 A series of trial and error, Wellbutrin, Effexor and unsuccessful attempts to discontinue.  

2010 - 2017 Lexapro With several unsuccessful attempts to withdraw 

2012 - 2017 Lamictal Successfully withdrew Lamictal no problem

2017 - 2020 Switched to 40mg. Prozac to prepare try another Withdrawal. 

2020 - On 15mg Remeron for a few months during withdrawal

Completely off of Antidepressants since Sept. 2020

Klonipin as needed throughout the process. .25 mostly, some .5, some .125,  2 to 12 times per mo.

 

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Hi @rachie just read your thread. 14 months is amazing. I'm at 8 months off CT. and very much still feel terrible and exactly like you said regarding being like this forever etc etc. Its horrible. I also relate to the comment about your doctor friend. 3 of my best friends in the last 3 weeks have been started on antidepressants for anxiety, they have seen what i'm going through but obviously they trust their doctor, which we all did! and thats what got us into this mess! Breaks my heart that they could be going through this one day too but i did try warn them. 

 

Such a sad world that we're in now that antidepressants are offered for everything. I had a withdrawal related headache and was offered antidepressants before any checks were done. its madness. 

 

x

May 2016- August 2020 Fluoxetine 20mg (pooped out)

August 2020 - December 2020 Sertraline 50mg (adverse effects)

Dec 2020-Mar 10th 2021 Citalopram 20mg (adverse effects)- STOPPED cold turkey

Fully antidepressant free since 10th March 2021. 

Take occasional propranolol 10mg.

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  • Administrator

Good to hear you're feeling a bit better, @rachie

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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On 9/27/2021 at 2:43 AM, rachie said:

One year out

 

I'm one year off and still struggling with so much anxiety and neuro emotions that I'm beginning to question if this will ever get better or if this is it. I would love to hear from others who were still struggling after a year but eventually made it through to a decent place. 

I can speak to this. It took me about 14 months for my anxiety to drop to a level where I felt I could operate as a "normal" adult. Before that it was wave after wave of what felt like a crisis that I couldn't define, see or quantify.

 

I initially tried using CBD oil and beta blockers but after about six weeks of use I felt that they weren't really doing anything, so I stopped them. I was still living with anxiety but the decision to stop using other drugs to treat my WD symptoms made me feel empowered and a bit more positive about everything.

 

Like you, I took to exercise and meditation which helped a little. I also used the Wim Hof breathing technique for a while which really helped. It takes a bit of practice and in the initial stages it can feel a bit stressful (you're basically forcing yourself into hyperventilation) but - for me - the payoff was worth it.

 

It wasn't until June this year when I started noticing the anxiety beginning to ease off. I've kept a daily log of symptoms, thoughts, emotions and feelings since I quit SSRIs and there's an entry in there where I realise that I hadn't had a panic attack in the previous four days and I hadn't noticed. For me, keeping a daily log has been the most valuable tool for recording recovery. I tend to not notice improvements when I'm "in the thick of it" but being able to look back and see how much more improved I am compared to six months ago is really valuable to me.

 

I still have to keep on top of my anxiety today but it's nowhere near as bad as it once was. I have recent notes in my records where I've gone a little over a week without any anxiety now and - bit by bit - things are improving.

 

Be proud of yourself. You've made it this far using your own willpower. Nobody can take it away from you.

SSRI history:

2005 - 12th March 2020: 20mg Seroxat (Paxil)

19th March 2020: 15mg Seroxat (Paxil)

26th March 2020: 10mg Seroxat (Paxil)

2nd April 2020: 5mg Seroxat (Paxil)

9th April 2020: 0mg Seroxat (Paxil)

Other medications and supplements:

July 2018: 60mg testosterone enthanate every 3.5 days

25th February 2021: 80mg testosterone cypionate every 4.0 days

March 2020: started taking vitamin D and fish oil supplements

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Thank you so much for the response. It is such a lonely road. I am having little blips of hope and then waves of defeat. It's hard to accept how impaired I am this far out. I will have moments where I think I can't go on like this and I hang in long enough to get my resolve back. The crying is starting to lessen a lot. The feeling super depressed also lessening but still comes in waves. The anxiety is soooo stubborn. And I'm running from it. Avoiding so much. It helps to hear that people eventually get some relief. 😀

Paxil  2000 - 2002  Tried unsuccessfully to discontinue

2002 - 2010 A series of trial and error, Wellbutrin, Effexor and unsuccessful attempts to discontinue.  

2010 - 2017 Lexapro With several unsuccessful attempts to withdraw 

2012 - 2017 Lamictal Successfully withdrew Lamictal no problem

2017 - 2020 Switched to 40mg. Prozac to prepare try another Withdrawal. 

2020 - On 15mg Remeron for a few months during withdrawal

Completely off of Antidepressants since Sept. 2020

Klonipin as needed throughout the process. .25 mostly, some .5, some .125,  2 to 12 times per mo.

 

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  • 2 months later...

Hey @rachie how are you doing now? x

May 2016- August 2020 Fluoxetine 20mg (pooped out)

August 2020 - December 2020 Sertraline 50mg (adverse effects)

Dec 2020-Mar 10th 2021 Citalopram 20mg (adverse effects)- STOPPED cold turkey

Fully antidepressant free since 10th March 2021. 

Take occasional propranolol 10mg.

Link to comment

Thank you for asking. Past two weeks have been super difficult. I hit a wave of intensity and duration that I thought I was past. It's been almost 18 months since my last dose and I am still very much in the struggle. But the current wave has helped me see that I am making progress because this feels like early days. Anxiety is my Achilles. Still not handling stress or physical exercise very well but daily I try to work on my attitude, do a meditation, and eat well and stretch my many avoidances. Just wish I could visualize a future free of this. My mind stays defeated even though I know it's not helping. Would love to hear how it is going for you. This can be a lonely road and I don't want to wear my husband out!!! He is very supportive but does not experience anxiety much ever so he can't relate. 

Paxil  2000 - 2002  Tried unsuccessfully to discontinue

2002 - 2010 A series of trial and error, Wellbutrin, Effexor and unsuccessful attempts to discontinue.  

2010 - 2017 Lexapro With several unsuccessful attempts to withdraw 

2012 - 2017 Lamictal Successfully withdrew Lamictal no problem

2017 - 2020 Switched to 40mg. Prozac to prepare try another Withdrawal. 

2020 - On 15mg Remeron for a few months during withdrawal

Completely off of Antidepressants since Sept. 2020

Klonipin as needed throughout the process. .25 mostly, some .5, some .125,  2 to 12 times per mo.

 

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  • 1 month later...
On 2/10/2022 at 2:26 PM, rachie said:

Thank you for asking. Past two weeks have been super difficult. I hit a wave of intensity and duration that I thought I was past. It's been almost 18 months since my last dose and I am still very much in the struggle. But the current wave has helped me see that I am making progress because this feels like early days. Anxiety is my Achilles. Still not handling stress or physical exercise very well but daily I try to work on my attitude, do a meditation, and eat well and stretch my many avoidances. Just wish I could visualize a future free of this. My mind stays defeated even though I know it's not helping. Would love to hear how it is going for you. This can be a lonely road and I don't want to wear my husband out!!! He is very supportive but does not experience anxiety much ever so he can't relate. 

Hi @rachie thought id check in again, how are you x

May 2016- August 2020 Fluoxetine 20mg (pooped out)

August 2020 - December 2020 Sertraline 50mg (adverse effects)

Dec 2020-Mar 10th 2021 Citalopram 20mg (adverse effects)- STOPPED cold turkey

Fully antidepressant free since 10th March 2021. 

Take occasional propranolol 10mg.

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  • 1 month later...

Another anxiety sufferer her checking in on you also. As you said, it's a lonely road. I hope you are feeling some relief, Rachie.

64 y/o Female

Current meds:

Started:26 February, Propranolol 5 mg 8am and 8 pm

Started: 11 March 2022, Ativan : 0 .25mg 1pm and 9pm

Started: 19 February (?) Seroquel 25 mg :Now, just less than 1/4 pill ( 0.012 scale weight) 1030 pm

Started: 26 February 2022, Lunesta 1 mg: Now less than 1/4 pill (0.018 scale weight) 10:30 pm

 

Other meds: Levothyroxine 50mcg with extra 25mcg Mon. Wed. Fri.

 

 

 

 

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Thanks for the check in. Having a pretty big wave. I've actually been feeling hope for healing and having windows. Last 5 days not so good. Just trying to keep my attitude from panicking. Every time I have these intense waves with some pretty awful anxiety I go back to thinking I'm permanently broken. It's no true. It eventually passes. I fall in to the trap of thinking I won't go down that far again so it catches me off guard. 

Paxil  2000 - 2002  Tried unsuccessfully to discontinue

2002 - 2010 A series of trial and error, Wellbutrin, Effexor and unsuccessful attempts to discontinue.  

2010 - 2017 Lexapro With several unsuccessful attempts to withdraw 

2012 - 2017 Lamictal Successfully withdrew Lamictal no problem

2017 - 2020 Switched to 40mg. Prozac to prepare try another Withdrawal. 

2020 - On 15mg Remeron for a few months during withdrawal

Completely off of Antidepressants since Sept. 2020

Klonipin as needed throughout the process. .25 mostly, some .5, some .125,  2 to 12 times per mo.

 

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Believe me, I know what you mean. But after reading Elbee's success story I have a lot of hope for recovery.  I'm glad you've had some windows and feelings of hope! I pray that you'll get more of those in the near future. Is something weighing on your mind? I find even small things that normally would hardly be a blip on my radar cause me to get so amped up.

 

 

64 y/o Female

Current meds:

Started:26 February, Propranolol 5 mg 8am and 8 pm

Started: 11 March 2022, Ativan : 0 .25mg 1pm and 9pm

Started: 19 February (?) Seroquel 25 mg :Now, just less than 1/4 pill ( 0.012 scale weight) 1030 pm

Started: 26 February 2022, Lunesta 1 mg: Now less than 1/4 pill (0.018 scale weight) 10:30 pm

 

Other meds: Levothyroxine 50mcg with extra 25mcg Mon. Wed. Fri.

 

 

 

 

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One thing is we are building a new house and we sold our house and have to move out and find temporary housing before the new one is finished. I was really worried about the stress of it being too much in this state but was hoping I'd be pretty solid by now. My stress bucket is the size of a thimble!!! It overloads with the littlest things and this one is big and ongoing with a lot of things to juggle and figure out. In this state of high anxiety I've been stuck in realistically I'm worried but I'm at the point of no return. The house closes next week. I delayed this whole process by a year hoping to be much stronger but I'm still pretty compromised but getting better for sure. I want to claim that!!! Thanks for asking. 

Paxil  2000 - 2002  Tried unsuccessfully to discontinue

2002 - 2010 A series of trial and error, Wellbutrin, Effexor and unsuccessful attempts to discontinue.  

2010 - 2017 Lexapro With several unsuccessful attempts to withdraw 

2012 - 2017 Lamictal Successfully withdrew Lamictal no problem

2017 - 2020 Switched to 40mg. Prozac to prepare try another Withdrawal. 

2020 - On 15mg Remeron for a few months during withdrawal

Completely off of Antidepressants since Sept. 2020

Klonipin as needed throughout the process. .25 mostly, some .5, some .125,  2 to 12 times per mo.

 

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@rachieim completely the same. I’m 14 months off meds and still struggling. My moods and anxiety are all over the place! Like you, my stress handling at the moment is poor and any little thing can set me off. My recent stressful event (new job) has thrown me back into anxiety, nausea, crawling skin and feelings of hopelessness. It’s truly the hardest thing I’ve ever done, I only keep going because my partner believes I can do it and he fully believes in withdrawal and how long the process can take etc. your house move is a massive stessor so that was guarenteed to set you off. But like you said you thought by this stage you’d be feeling better, I thought exactly the same tbh. Do you ever consider going back on the meds? Xx

May 2016- August 2020 Fluoxetine 20mg (pooped out)

August 2020 - December 2020 Sertraline 50mg (adverse effects)

Dec 2020-Mar 10th 2021 Citalopram 20mg (adverse effects)- STOPPED cold turkey

Fully antidepressant free since 10th March 2021. 

Take occasional propranolol 10mg.

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13 hours ago, rachie said:

One thing is we are building a new house and we sold our house and have to move out and find temporary housing before the new one is finished. I was really worried about the stress of it being too much in this state but was hoping I'd be pretty solid by now. My stress bucket is the size of a thimble!!! It overloads with the littlest things and this one is big and ongoing with a lot of things to juggle and figure out. In this state of high anxiety I've been stuck in realistically I'm worried but I'm at the point of no return. The house closes next week. I delayed this whole process by a year hoping to be much stronger but I'm still pretty compromised but getting better for sure. I want to claim that!!! Thanks for asking. 

 

Gosh, Rachie, that's a huge stressor! No wonder you're having so much anxiety. I don't think you should beat yourself up about it. Anyone would be stressed in your situation.  Yes, claim the "getting better"!!! 

 

Have you found a place to live?

 

I know exactly what you mean about putting things off thinking "I'll be better by then. I did that too when I first got into this mess of panic/anxiety. We have a farm and at first I wasn't going to breed any of my little dairy goats or sheep. But then thought "that's crazy, you'll be fine by the time they're having babies"  Well, the time was getting closer and closer and I still wasn't "fine" by any stretch of the imagination. I ended up having the sell some of them. I loved them so much but there was no way I could handle it. I could barely take care of them and the anhedonia I'm having has caused me to lose that feeling of love towards anything. It's really scary. It comes back for a while then leaves again. Like a curtain being drawn. It's horrible when normally I enjoy all the animals (especially the babies) so much. I know the "real" me is still in there somewhere. 

 

Today I'm struggling . Tremors, anxiety crying. Dh took the day off as I was having such a hard time when he was about to go to work. Now I feel bad because we really need the money. But we do have a lot that needs doing here at home so I'm going outside  to try to help him. 

64 y/o Female

Current meds:

Started:26 February, Propranolol 5 mg 8am and 8 pm

Started: 11 March 2022, Ativan : 0 .25mg 1pm and 9pm

Started: 19 February (?) Seroquel 25 mg :Now, just less than 1/4 pill ( 0.012 scale weight) 1030 pm

Started: 26 February 2022, Lunesta 1 mg: Now less than 1/4 pill (0.018 scale weight) 10:30 pm

 

Other meds: Levothyroxine 50mcg with extra 25mcg Mon. Wed. Fri.

 

 

 

 

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Oh my. That is exactly when I knew this process really messed me up. When I couldn't feel my love for my dog or children. In a way I understood what was going on with my kids because they are young grown and I was avoiding them because I couldn't stand for them to see me this way but when I couldn't care about my dog or 5 year old granddaughter I knew it was bad. I really couldn't care but I knew it was a lie. The inability to care or feel my love was really bad for a good year. I feel it coming back on line now. 
it tears me up to say this but to be able to say it to someone who understands is nice "Yes, the real us is in there somewhere for sure!!!" So let's hang in there. I think that is the part that calls us to keep picking ourselves up for another day. 

Paxil  2000 - 2002  Tried unsuccessfully to discontinue

2002 - 2010 A series of trial and error, Wellbutrin, Effexor and unsuccessful attempts to discontinue.  

2010 - 2017 Lexapro With several unsuccessful attempts to withdraw 

2012 - 2017 Lamictal Successfully withdrew Lamictal no problem

2017 - 2020 Switched to 40mg. Prozac to prepare try another Withdrawal. 

2020 - On 15mg Remeron for a few months during withdrawal

Completely off of Antidepressants since Sept. 2020

Klonipin as needed throughout the process. .25 mostly, some .5, some .125,  2 to 12 times per mo.

 

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