Heinz1903: 4 years zoloft and now clean for 6 weeks

[Heinz1903]

When i started using zoloft and how i became clean.

 

i started using zoloft in 2017 at 16 years old. now since june the 6th i came clean.

 

what i experiences was weight gain .

brain fog, and zombie feeling.

impossible to break certain patterns.

Worsening depression.

now spark in the eyes after year 2

hormone imbalance that caused breast growth

 

it was slowly, first i barely noticed anything only after year 2 i started noticing bad things happening.

 

The decrease and tappering of from zoloft was pure hell  and nothing more, i experienced depersonalisation, mania, worsening depression, dizzeyness, alot of mental stress, racing toughts.

from 25mg till 10 mg i barely noticed anything, only when passing 10 a slightly discomfort until 5. then every mg down was a 2 days of hell.

 

Withdrawl symptoms i got.

 

Heavy mindfog.

Depersonalisation and dissacotiation

POIS like symptoms after sexual intercourse(mild)

no libido or extreme high libido,

racing toughs(alot)

Autopiloted/impulsive behaviour.

 

now i finally came clean, i noticed slight improvements.

 

Positive outlook on the future,

less brainfog (only after dopamine detox)

Spark in the eye returned.

breast growth decreased alot.

Depersonalization goes away sometimes.

i started to recognize my toughts again.

My libido came back.

Extreme rise in testosteron

 

 

But i'm now about 6 weeks clean but i still suffer sometimes alot of these symptoms mostly because of dopamine rushes or anxiety, and confrontations.

 

Heavy brainfog

Racing toughts

depersonalization and dissacotiation

Depression and negative tought patterns

Very impulsive behaviour and emotional.

Agression especially towards my doctor or zoloft manifactioner

 

it feels almost as if i became dumber or something. atleast it feels like it.

 

My question is how long until my brain is completly healed, and how long till i can have dopamine rushes again?

 

it goes better but i get these waves/cycles sometimes, but after the waves i see this light path that i hold on to and i feel awesome for a few moments of the day or the whole day. Almost bipolar.

 

 

 

This is my first post, and i'm also not from a english speaking country. but i truly want to have advise or tel people my story

Edited July 27, 2021 by manymoretodays

[brassmonkey]

Hello Heinz-- welcome to SA. I'm glad you found us, but so sorry that you are having problems. We have a lot of information and are ready to help as much as we can. We have members from all over the world who speak many different languages so we are use to it.

 

To help is get to know your situation please fill out a signature block. This way the moderators don't have to spent a lot of time rereading your thread every time you ask a question. This thread will be your home base for asking questions, making comments and keeping records. You can also post on other members threads to make friends and share support. We are a very friendly bunch.

 

All the symptoms you list are consistent with AD withdrawal syndrome. Would you please give some details on how you tapered off the drugs so we can figure out why this is happening. Depending on how you came off there are several different things we can try to make life more pleasant. ADWD can be a long and drawn out process, improvements don't happen over night, but things do get better as the healing continues.

[Heinz1903]

22 hours ago, Heinz1903 said:

started in 2017, 4 years until decreasing. i did it with tappering, which i did from late februari until early june. i started at 25mg, which is not too much. first the decrease got real fast, then at 10 it started to get slower and thats when the withdrawal syndrome kicked in. i followed the proposed guide to decrease from the makers of these decreasing pills. from 10 till 5 was alright, but everytime a lower dosage caused severe withdrawal symptoms. even a few times i feld sick. now i'm clean since the 6th of june.  but at this moment i still feel these terrible waves.

 

[brassmonkey]

Looks like I didn't give you the link for making a signature https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/24613-how-to-list-drug-history-in-signature/

give that a try. If you could add more details about how you tapered it would be helpful.

 

Right away I can see that you tapered too fast and are experiencing Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome. The manufacturers of these pills really have no idea how to get off of them. It has only been a few weeks since you stopped taking them so you are in a good position to reinstate. This is about the only way to reduce your current symptoms.

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/7562-about-reinstating-and-stabilizing-to-reduce-withdrawal-symptoms/

This will help explain the process.

[Heinz1903]

So it means i need to get on these drugs again to stop the withdrawal symptoms, there is no other way. So the stuff i'm having is only cured by microdosing zoloft?

Reinstate is pretty much going back on them?

 

No way i'm going to do that, i rather take on the pain for a few years because th withdrawal symptoms become a bit less often.

 

How long until the withdrawal syndrome stops existing and my brain goes back to normal with out reinstating?

 

 

[brassmonkey]

The choice is yours. Do know that there is a time limit of sorts for reinstatement. The window for it working well is only a months or two.  After that it can becomes very questionable if it will work or may even cause greater problems. We have a good many members who chose to take this route and at some point they all have posted that they wished they had reinstated.

 

It is impossible to say just how long it will take to recover from a fast taper/CT. But it frequently is a very long time. I often hold Coldturkmama as a good example of a CT recovery. 

[Heinz1903]

I'm thinking of how long i can do without reinstatment until i feel my self again, because i bet it could be any worse than this. i also feel alot of slow improvement and developed coping mechanism

[Heinz1903]

Hi it has been a awesome 3 weeks of my live almost no symptoms at all and i actually could climb out of deep holes.

 

today alot of racing toughts and anxiety or tension

 

now i have a panick attack and i could not stop it right away, mostly i can get out of the ****. But today was a hell. it really was a bad moment to have it because i was eating in a restaurant with family. Needed to put the mask on.

 

a trigger point was a 5 hour drive and sitting on a phone most of the day until dinner. 
 

this one was a bad one i do see a line going up slowly but this evening was ruined. 
 

But i bet the day after the day will be greater.

 

after a wave is always a windows.

 

but any tips how to deal with it? Because it feels like i did 2 steps back

[brassmonkey]

I have found that the "symptoms" of panic are exactly the same as the strong feeling of excitement. The only real difference is how we react to them. The first moments after identifying the symptoms are very important as to how they play out. Our reaction to them in those moments is the deciding factor. With practice it is possible to transform what we think is panic into excitement and control it from there.

[Heinz1903]

So it’s actually the same, i believe its has to do with serotine or dopamin related

 

. Because it’s mostly after a sudden DA feeling. Which gives me the panic attack. Its a big trigger.

 

it feels like a became over stimulated after day of barely any stimulation, which gave me a detached feeling and racing toughts.

 

never had panic attacks before taking ssri’s or before the tappering. 

 

I still believe its serotine related and not only of exitement.

[Heinz1903]

I have been 8-9 weeks clean, it was going great for 3-4 weeks in total. but now this week especially after along trip i feel off.

 

No i'm 1 week back at home and not the best week either.

 

Day 1:

-brainfog

-Mild racing toughts

-intrusive toughts

 

Day 2:

-basically no negative feeling at all

 

Day 3:

-Neuro emotions heavy in the morning

 

Day 4:

-mild symptoms. Nothing bad

 

Day 5:

-alot of pressure thanks to exams. 6 hours in total 3 of which anxiety,stress, Adrenaline.

 

Day 6:

feld a bit off. just tired less energy. Still workout like a madman with a friend, talked to a girl im dating, mild insecurities popped up mostly because of withdrawal effects if we go on a date.

racing heart in the morning a bit when i felt off.

 

Day 7

-Woke up with a sore throat. Bit unease. still had energy and alot of neuro-emotions. Also muscle pain thanks to the gym mostly due focusing on a different muscle.

-the sore throat and flu feeling is not like i had experienced before. it feels like a flu and cold combination with a bit of a fever feeling but no high temperatures at all.

-Sore eyes and sensetive to bright lights

(i do not have corona or anything) and i have done a blood test 2 months ago where everything was fine..

 

I have read about flu symptoms could be related to withdrawal symptoms, which i could be sceptical after a long time being of zoloft. But the weird racing toughts and neuro-emotions and the feel of going only forward by 3 steps but i made 2 steps back. it made me wonder if it's related.

[Altostrata]

Hello, @Heinz1903

 

Please report new symptoms in your existing Intro topic.

 

Since you've been on a trip, you might also have caught a cold or flu, or even covid-19.

 

It sounds like you are sensitive to stress, and that brings on a wave of symptoms.

 

Have you tried fish oil and magnesium supplements? see

 

https://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/

 

https://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

Many people find them helpful. You might try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you.

[Heinz1903]

Yes i tried it but get anxiety when using supplements for the nerves. sometimes atleast.

[Heinz1903]

Hallo @Altostrata i actually don't know what you mean with report in my existing topic.  Barely know the stucture of the site, also thanks for the tip about omega 3 and magnesium. I does help with the brain fog but causes confusion in my brain. Which is not nice when sitting in bed al day. Also haven't been stress sensetive before i took the pills or when being on them. The effect is much bigger.

 

What i do find annoying when being on omega 3 is the brain fog slowly goes away, stress levels too. The minor side effect is mostly this,

for example but i think of something i like and my brain questions it and more easily sensetive for stimulus. Those minor symptoms is what i get on supplements like omega 3 and magnesium. i also take vitamine b12.

 

For me the good side effect is more energy, i don't feel slightly numbed when having a wave of symptoms, less racing toughts, Less anxiety.

But the cons where the reason i stopped taking it because both make me feel like a crazy person sometimes.. Do anyone else in the topic you send have likwise side effects?

[Altostrata]

This is your existing Introductions topic. There's only one Introductions topic to a member, please add your updates about your condition to this topic rather than starting a new topic in the Introductions forum.

 

3 hours ago, Heinz1903 said:

The minor side effect is mostly this,

for example but i think of something i like and my brain questions it and more easily sensetive for stimulus.

 

Can you explain more about this? It does not sound like something you can attribute to fish oil or magnesium; rather, it sounds like noise from your worried self.

[Heinz1903]

just worring a bit of anxiety

[Heinz1903]

Noise from your worried self, i think it's just annoying it stemps from anxiety

[Heinz1903]

It comes back so often, and then goes. It also is only happening when i'm in waves. It's like intrusive toughts. It's not some worried "self", i have found a article about worry noise. it's actually common after withdrawaling from certain drugs.. It could be i have been taking SSRI's in the most important time of my life from 15 till 20. But when i got the flu i felt it alot, i'm just a bit becoming my sane self again even without or with the flu. Lol even when i'm now not having flu symptoms anymore, i even feel more clear than before. It still do believe it could be related.

 

The day before is got this flu i had a driving test on paper. failed 6 times*because lockdowns and also catching the a cold* but in my country that is a limit. if you fail 7 times you need to do a health checkup which is expansive. So the stress of this driving test on paper was high, 70% of my driving test room failed. So that day i was so stressed till i even was shaking a bit.

 

But this is actually the first time in a while after the flu that i haven't woken up with underlying stress, anxiety.. i feel more clear.

Edited August 20, 2021 by Heinz1903
including some stuff

[Altostrata]

Yes, it's possible these intrusive thoughts are coming in waves, associated with withdrawal symptoms. See

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

Neuro-emotions

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

Easing your way into meditation for a stressed-out nervous system

 

Music for self-care: calms hyperalertness, anxiety, aids relaxation and sleep

 

Ways to cope with daily anxiety

 

You might postpose trying fish oil and magnesium again until you feel more stable. Please do not blame yourself for being nervous during a test, your nervous system might be very sensitive now to the least bit of anxiety and amplify it.

[Heinz1903]

*Update*

i have not felt this calmness in a long time, ever since the last 2 years since i have taken these pills. i was experiencing underlining stress & anxiety with no explanation.

 

This won't be the end but i'm feeling i'm getting there. 3 months of tapering, 8-9 weeks of feeling stuck with myself, racing toughts. Terrible derealisation when i was on vacation even. Everything felt strange, me the world and the bird, my screen on my pc. slowly it decreased over time. Now i got the flu after a extreme stressfull situation as reaction of it.

 

In a very very long time i finally feel relaxed, truly relaxed. From my bones till the mind. Not like a zombie. For most people this is normal sometimes but i haven't feld a bliss in a while.. i truly enjoyed beauty in a museum, of nature and walking to my city.

 

Everytime the flu was improving i also feld a decrease of mental fog, zombie feeling, underlining stress, anxiety and depression.

Before i got this flu that was stil relevant, but for a few moments i tought is this the end of the race?

 

 

[Heinz1903]

I tried ashwagandha ksm 66 today, and it only made things worse. i got hyperagressive, hyperfrustratied. alot of neuro emotion. not trying that again. i got like OCD symptoms

[Heinz1903]

I was wondering how long it would take that i'm finally healed, i 'm kind of done with these eternal walking in circles.

[Heinz1903]

Last Wave ever, Lately i almost get zero waves. zo when i finally got one it felt like i never left the wave. Out of a sudden i tried TRE and meditation. i believe it helped me alot.

 

I think i'm almost getting a succes story. i wait a few months to be sure of it.

 

This wave was the first time a while i got memory issues. those that i have not felt in a while. these last 2 waves i got one was because of the usage of ashwagandha. the other was just plain stress. but it feels like i'm back in the race.

[Heinz1903]

3 months clean, still withdrawal symptoms alot less than first. almost a succes story.

 

Hi i wrote a little update.

 

(i made someposts lately on my own topic but nobody responded).

 

I made alot of progress, especially the last 4 weeks. i'ill make a symptoms list of what i got and how i deal with it. maybe it could help some others even.

For some reason i still get sick more often and everytime i get better the symptoms get a bit better.

 

Improvements

 

-DP and DA: Almost gone

-Racing toughts: not permanent anymore

-Tremors: Are gone (after month 2)

-Dizzyness and vertigo: sometimes a bit after stress or to much stimulation

-POIS: not as bad as it used to be.

-social skill: where major improvements.

-libido returned

-brainfog: improved just a bit, but it's not permanent

-hyper aggression almost gone

-For long while i did not dream, so my dreams came back when i sleep.

 

this week got over anxiety and in general think less negative

 

still existing issues.

 

-Hormone imbalance: (it's more of a intuition.) but i do have symptoms.

-moodswings: are still a big issue.

-Caffeine,Supplements intollerance: still get major issues while drinking coffee or using supplements

-Identity issueas: still finding myself maybe age related, it does improve but in combination with DP it was a hell and i do think it was made worse by the WD symptoms.

-Eye issues: i got eye issues the last 2 years of taking them. it got better but i still cannot cry and i have dry eyes. maybe a bit of blurry vision. i also got new glasses so it will get better i hope.

-zombie feeling: exists but minor moments it stopped.

-Pattern breaking: still hard to find to break patterns or recognize them. It still improved somewhat.

-Very impulsive behaviour and emotional: this is still a problem

-OCD like symptoms.

-unwanted toughts is what i deal alot with.

-alot of extentitial thinking, and questioning

 

What can i do to relieve myself from these symptoms and how did you cope with it.

 

i use various ways of getting it controllable:

TRE, Meditation, praying.

Working out, doing pushups every time i feel bad.

ergo therapy.( which my sister got a few years back) she gives me techniques.

Visting this forum, asking for help.

Nofap(bit skeptical but it helps with POIS).

Learning a language.(Italian & greek for writing)

 

 

It almost no difference between waves and windows anymore. 2 months ago it was either 2 weeks waves and then 3 days window. Now it is either half a day or a few small moments on the day.

Maybe getting sick more often is related to nervous system reaction, most of the times i get sick or a cold it's after stress related till the point i get dizzy.. it could be triggered by caffeine, supplements and or overstimulation in general.

 

in conclusion i feel more real than ever with alot of side effects. Does this look like a future succes story. or should i worry for more bad times?

 

(also is it the wrong category to post this in)

 

Edited October 12, 2021 by ChessieCat
added topic title before merging with intro topic

[Escitalopram21]

@Heinz1903

It makes me really happy to read your story!

I am hoping that you can call it a successtory very soon!

it gives me a lot of hope too. 
keep in there, you are doing so well!

 

[ChessieCat]

On 9/20/2021 at 11:41 PM, Heinz1903 said:

(i made someposts lately on my own topic but nobody responded).

 

SA works differently to many other forums.  Each member has their own Introduction topic.  This is the best place for questions to be asked about your own situation and where you can also journal your progress.  It also keeps your history in one place and means that you do not have to repeat your story.

 

It also becomes a case history.  See:

 

On 5/15/2011 at 5:22 AM, Altostrata said:

 

With our documentation of antidepressant withdrawal syndrome, we hope to educate the medical establishment about this problem. Case studies are essential; they are evidence understood by doctors, the psychiatric industry, and government regulatory agencies. The have already informed numerous articles in major publications and scientific papers.

 

 

[Heinz1903]

@ChessieCat i knew that already, it's just that nobody responded in a few bad moments and experiences.

 

I'm for 4 months of zoloft and the withdrawal symptoms take to long. i considering getting a diagnosis for PAWS.

 

Seeking help outside of the forum.. i now got into a non-drug psychiatrist.

also planning to call my doctor to get that diagnosis.

[Altostrata]

Thanks for updating us, @Heinz1903 Good to hear of the improvement already, since you've only gone off Zoloft since last June.

 

You can expect further very slow improvement. 

 

I like your coping strategies. With all those pushups, you'll be quite strong by the time your recovery is complete. What is Nofap?

[Heinz1903]

@AltostrataThanks for responding.

 

Okay first of all i came back from a huge long european trip i slept when i came home. The wordt 2 hours of sleep ever. Very lucid and weird dreams. Alot of anxiety about it.

 

Nofap is for young guys who watched alot of porn(all of them). Basically there is much more known to porn addictions than before, that it could create mental illnesses. there is also the no fap movement of guys that want to stop. you abstain so long so you won't get into that terrible mentality.

 

My doctor actually knew of it which was a surprize for me. it's seen as pseudo sciense but slowly it has been accepted.

 

 

[Altostrata]

Well, good to hear you're doing better and working on constructive habits.

[Heinz1903]

25/10/2021 11.38

 

i had a very neurotic wave today, Like completly out of touch with reality.

A bit of falling out of reality type of emotions.

 

alot of existentialism and so on, i was feeling mild psychotic. i haven't had this in weeks.

 

Sometimes it's just a reality check for me that my brain is still recovering

 

But the qeustion stays when wil i have a non wacked out brain again

 

but in general everything gets better slowly.

 

i can control my withdrawal developed OCD more often

[Heinz1903]

Ever since October passed i feel myself as a person again.

 

i can think rational, control waves.

i get threatment for OCD.

 

i can snap out of bad mindsets.

 

since saturday i triggerd something new, because these pills makes you more or less live you in fantasy land.

 

Pretty much i’m starting to learn that.

 

this whole process is hard but it feels awesome to feel like a human again.

 

it feels like searching for the right puzzle pieces. And slowly im whole again.

[Heinz1903]

5 months off.

 

My brain still has alot of troubleshooting, mostly about world view and personal life.

 

it goes feels sometimes that my brain is working against me, in a way like really strange.

 

for example with emotional connections to things i like, or makes a whole ****eroo about nothing.

 

It feels like my brain is having a clear perspective or sometimes totally not, but in both cases cannot comprehend the whole.

 

OCD toughts are still a thing, but this brain thingy is worse.

 

My theory is that it can be related to antidepressants usage symptoms of brainfog & DP and DR in the withdrawal phase.

 

because of the numbing the brain cannot make a whole picture for most of the time, which causes it do a overload with the following of racing toughts and becoming a double edged sword.

[Heinz1903]

Weird dreams.

 

i’m 5 months down the dreams and for the past 3 days i have the weirdest dreams.

[Heinz1903]

@Altostrata
 

It has been 6 months since i got off, it goes slowly better.

With slowly i mean very slow, I still experience DP, DR.

It has gone to the level i can see a pattern, it's also all in the same context.

 

How can this go on so long for people?

 

I'm writing this out of desperation.

 

 

[Heinz1903]

@brassmonkey

Still experiencing DR and DP after 6 months is that common?

 

Slowly it goes better but its to slow

 

I tried everything sometimes it works sometimes it does not.