Punarbhava Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 Rise TogetherIt's a beautiful time to be alive.And the long walk home is peopled....We, are everywhere.Yet the struggle to surrender is where we walk alone.So the next time you fall....LOOKto either side where you lieand take the hand of your dear Sister or Brotherwhose own face is muddied.We can rise together,even if we fall alone......for it's a beautiful time to be aliveevenon this walk home. Em Claire 2007 To Face My Trials with "The Grace of a Woman Rather Than the Grief of a Child". (quote section by Veronica A. Shoffstall) Be Not Afraid of Growing Slowly. Be Afraid of Only Standing Still. (Chinese Proverb) I Create and Build Empowerment Within Each Time I Choose to Face A Fear, Sit with it and Ask Myself, "What Do I Need to Learn?" Link to comment
Brandy Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 Beautiful! Thank you for posting that! I was "TryingToGetWell" (aka TTGW) on paxilprogress. I also was one of the original members here on Surviving Antidepressants I had horrific and protracted withdrawal from paxil, but now am back to enjoying life with enthusiasm to the max, some residual physical symptoms continued but largely improve. The horror, severe derealization, anhedonia, akathisia, and so much more, are long over. My signature is a temporary scribble from year 2013. I'll rewrite it when I can. If you want to read it, click on http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/209-brandy-anyone/?p=110343 Link to comment
summer Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 Beautiful, Pun! Charter Member 2011 Link to comment
Healing Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 Loved it! And I had a synchro -- my best friend fell down today while jogging (she's fine!) and we were saying exactly this about how to look at the fall! 1996-97 - Paxil x 9 months, tapered, suffered 8 months withdrawal but didn't know it was withdrawal, so... 1998-2001 - Zoloft, tapered, again unwittingly went into withdrawal, so... 2002-03 - Paxil x 20 months, developed severe headaches, so... Sep 03 - May 05 - Paxil taper took 20 months, severe physical, moderate psychological symptoms Sep 03 - Jun 05 - took Prozac to help with Paxil taper - not recommended Jul 05 to date - post-taper, severe psychological, moderate physical symptoms, improving very slowly Link to comment
Neuroplastic Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 :) Thank you so much for this, Pun - my mind has gone into "That-is-awesome" meltobraino. 2000-2008 Paxil for a situational depression 2008 - Paxil c/t Severe protracted WD syndrome ever since; improving “The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once” Albert Einstein "Add signature to your profile. This way we can help you even better!" Surviving Antidepressants And, above all, ... keep walking. Just keep walking. Link to comment
stan Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 since these hell years, i feel guilty to enjoy happiness and i fear i see i am still not recovered but it is beautiful for anxiety 12 years paxil - cold turkey 1,5 month - switch celexa 1 year taper; total 13 years on brain meds 67 years old - 9 years med free in protracted withdrawal rigidity standing and walking, dryness gougerot-szoegren, sleep deteriorate, function as have a lack of nerves, improving have been very little Link to comment
Healing Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 Great insight, Stan! I feel this way, too. Guilt about happiness is so, so common. 1996-97 - Paxil x 9 months, tapered, suffered 8 months withdrawal but didn't know it was withdrawal, so... 1998-2001 - Zoloft, tapered, again unwittingly went into withdrawal, so... 2002-03 - Paxil x 20 months, developed severe headaches, so... Sep 03 - May 05 - Paxil taper took 20 months, severe physical, moderate psychological symptoms Sep 03 - Jun 05 - took Prozac to help with Paxil taper - not recommended Jul 05 to date - post-taper, severe psychological, moderate physical symptoms, improving very slowly Link to comment
summer Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 Guilt about happiness is so, so common. Sad but so true. It stems from something that went on (wrong) when we were growing up. It's almost like we knew happiness wasn't for us... it was for those other people. In my case, my mom was a very unhappy person -- I learned early on that's how one was "supposed" to live. Charter Member 2011 Link to comment
stan Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 Sad but so true. It stems from something that went on (wrong) when we were growing up. It's almost like we knew happiness wasn't for us... it was for those other people. In my case, my mom was a very unhappy person -- I learned early on that's how one was "supposed" to live. do not make me cry, my summer ! for anxiety 12 years paxil - cold turkey 1,5 month - switch celexa 1 year taper; total 13 years on brain meds 67 years old - 9 years med free in protracted withdrawal rigidity standing and walking, dryness gougerot-szoegren, sleep deteriorate, function as have a lack of nerves, improving have been very little Link to comment
summer Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 Sad but so true. It stems from something that went on (wrong) when we were growing up. It's almost like we knew happiness wasn't for us... it was for those other people. In my case, my mom was a very unhappy person -- I learned early on that's how one was "supposed" to live. do not make me cry, my summer ! I didn't mean to, Stan. We will rise together! xo Charter Member 2011 Link to comment
Healing Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 Sad but so true. It stems from something that went on (wrong) when we were growing up. It's almost like we knew happiness wasn't for us... it was for those other people. In my case, my mom was a very unhappy person -- I learned early on that's how one was "supposed" to live. We will rise together! xo Well, summer, 9/10ths of the battle is recognizing the problem and how it came to be, which you have already done. Now, for the rising together part. We will all help each other to permit ourselves to be happy now. 1996-97 - Paxil x 9 months, tapered, suffered 8 months withdrawal but didn't know it was withdrawal, so... 1998-2001 - Zoloft, tapered, again unwittingly went into withdrawal, so... 2002-03 - Paxil x 20 months, developed severe headaches, so... Sep 03 - May 05 - Paxil taper took 20 months, severe physical, moderate psychological symptoms Sep 03 - Jun 05 - took Prozac to help with Paxil taper - not recommended Jul 05 to date - post-taper, severe psychological, moderate physical symptoms, improving very slowly Link to comment
Punarbhava Posted May 3, 2011 Author Share Posted May 3, 2011 :) Thank you so much for this, Pun - my mind has gone into "That-is-awesome" meltobraino. LOL!! re: the "meltobraino" term. I went into meltohearto and meltospirito when I read the poem and then my eyes went into meltotearo as I thought of all of us struggling and reaching out to lift each other up. Thanks NEURO and EVERYONE for your wonderful reactions. It warms my heart to know that this poem moved you as much as it has moved me. Your comments have given me a rise today so I THANK YOU!!! Punar To Face My Trials with "The Grace of a Woman Rather Than the Grief of a Child". (quote section by Veronica A. Shoffstall) Be Not Afraid of Growing Slowly. Be Afraid of Only Standing Still. (Chinese Proverb) I Create and Build Empowerment Within Each Time I Choose to Face A Fear, Sit with it and Ask Myself, "What Do I Need to Learn?" Link to comment
summer Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 Sad but so true. It stems from something that went on (wrong) when we were growing up. It's almost like we knew happiness wasn't for us... it was for those other people. In my case, my mom was a very unhappy person -- I learned early on that's how one was "supposed" to live. We will rise together! xo Now, for the rising together part. We will all help each other to permit ourselves to be happy now. Sounds wonderful to me! Charter Member 2011 Link to comment
summer Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 Hey Punar... off topic a bit, but I was thinking about you and wondering how you are feeling? xo Charter Member 2011 Link to comment
Punarbhava Posted May 3, 2011 Author Share Posted May 3, 2011 Hey Punar... off topic a bit, but I was thinking about you and wondering how you are feeling? xo Summer......... it may be an off topic you may not wish to get into (LOL). Consequently, I will briefly state that I'm trying to wiggle my way out of an intense wave and feel that my wiggling has produced a slight bit of relief (so it seems ATM). So, my plan is to continue to wiggle myself silly for the remainder of the week and pray that I will lose a least ONE pound of weight in the process (LOL). Oh how I truly wish I could wiggle effortlessly (lol) without feeling physically over-taxed. (lol) Anyway, I can mentally visualize can't I? Anyway, thank you so much for asking. It was wonderfully sweet of you to inquire and I truly appreciate your spirit!! BTW, I quickly read on another post that your taper is going okay so far. This is fabulous news! Just go slow.......do not rush the process and you will do fine. I know the tapering road can seem so darn long but it won't feel as long IF you can maintain a large degree of quality living in the process. So, go slow and you'll feel well enough to wiggle vigoursly along the way. (LOL) Okay, I'm getting too insane. Time to get off-line. (lol) Much Wiggling to You! Punar To Face My Trials with "The Grace of a Woman Rather Than the Grief of a Child". (quote section by Veronica A. Shoffstall) Be Not Afraid of Growing Slowly. Be Afraid of Only Standing Still. (Chinese Proverb) I Create and Build Empowerment Within Each Time I Choose to Face A Fear, Sit with it and Ask Myself, "What Do I Need to Learn?" Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Rhiannon Posted May 3, 2011 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted May 3, 2011 Punar, thank you for this poem, and thanks for sharing with us--you know, it's okay to share even when you're not feeling so great. You lift us up, and we also want to lift you up; our hands are there for you too when you need it. Thank you for starting my day with thoughts of love and hope. Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010. Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea. Feb 15 2010: 300 mg Neurontin 200 Lamictal 10 Celexa 0.65 Xanax and 5 mg Ambien Feb 10 2014: 62 Lamictal 1.1 Celexa 0.135 Xanax 1.8 Valium Feb 10 2015: 50 Lamictal 0.875 Celexa 0.11 Xanax 1.5 Valium Feb 15 2016: 47.5 Lamictal 0.75 Celexa 0.0875 Xanax 1.42 Valium 2/12/20 12 0.045 0.007 1 May 2021 7 0.01 0.0037 1 Feb 2022 6 0!!! 0.00167 0.98 2.5 mg Ambien Oct 2022 4.5 mg Lamictal (off Celexa, off Xanax) 0.95 Valium Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion. Link to comment
Punarbhava Posted May 5, 2011 Author Share Posted May 5, 2011 Punar, thank you for this poem, and thanks for sharing with us--you know, it's okay to share even when you're not feeling so great. You lift us up, and we also want to lift you up; our hands are there for you too when you need it. Thank you for starting my day with thoughts of love and hope. Hi Phi...... So glad to hear that the poem moved your spirit! I wish there was a teary/sobbing emoticon I could utilize to show how deeply your post affected me. Thank you so very much for the kind and caring words and offer!! I tried several times to compose a post but couldn't do it without becoming lost for words and all choked up with emotion. (lol) I laugh but serioulsy true! The combination of Summer's post and yours pushed me over the emotional and spiritual edge of feeling overwhelmed by loving kindness. Thank you both once again! I try not to talk, in depth too often, about my WD journeys since, it can flip me into trauma too easily which only makes things worse. I can't even write my introduction yet due to this fact. (lol) I just don't have enough distance from the long years of repeated WD experiences since, I'm still in the FINAL recovery phases from ditching the LAST drug. I do have some days where I can share some details but most days I try to focus on managing my emotional reactions rather than reacting to my reactions (lol). I'm trying to ride things out and will continue to do so, no matter how long it may take. I do however, use narcissist self-inflating terminology in my humour as a means to sound ultimately empowered and indestructible. (lol) As I've mentioned to a friend: the more I can "act out" via humour the saner I can feel. Anyway, I better post this before I go into one of those extravaganzas. Again, thank you both for such caring thoughts and for extending a spiritual hand of support!! I may even take you up on the offer sometime soon. Punar To Face My Trials with "The Grace of a Woman Rather Than the Grief of a Child". (quote section by Veronica A. Shoffstall) Be Not Afraid of Growing Slowly. Be Afraid of Only Standing Still. (Chinese Proverb) I Create and Build Empowerment Within Each Time I Choose to Face A Fear, Sit with it and Ask Myself, "What Do I Need to Learn?" Link to comment
summer Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 "Again, thank you both for such caring thoughts and for extending a spiritual hand of support!! I may even take you up on the offer sometime soon." (by Punar) Waiting! Charter Member 2011 Link to comment
Punarbhava Posted May 6, 2011 Author Share Posted May 6, 2011 "Again, thank you both for such caring thoughts and for extending a spiritual hand of support!! I may even take you up on the offer sometime soon." (by Punar) Waiting! Where are those "sobbing: emoticons when I need them?? (lol) Honestly, we need to "rise together" to solve this emoticon deprivation crisis. On a serious note: Thanks Summer! Pun To Face My Trials with "The Grace of a Woman Rather Than the Grief of a Child". (quote section by Veronica A. Shoffstall) Be Not Afraid of Growing Slowly. Be Afraid of Only Standing Still. (Chinese Proverb) I Create and Build Empowerment Within Each Time I Choose to Face A Fear, Sit with it and Ask Myself, "What Do I Need to Learn?" Link to comment
Neuroplastic Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 emoticon deprivation crisis. I'd need to (I guess) re-read the whole thread to found out what this is, but it sounds meltobraino. 2000-2008 Paxil for a situational depression 2008 - Paxil c/t Severe protracted WD syndrome ever since; improving “The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once” Albert Einstein "Add signature to your profile. This way we can help you even better!" Surviving Antidepressants And, above all, ... keep walking. Just keep walking. Link to comment
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