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The ”going back in time” phenomenon


Escitalopram21

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I am having my first session with a SE-therapist on wednesday on zoom.
And to be honest, i am freaked out. Can anyone help my anxiety with telling me a little bit about how your first sessions have looked like or what i could expect? 
@hayduke@PapayaShake

2009 Escitalopram 10mg

April 2013 got off August 2013 reinstated 

July 2015 Ketipinor 50mg (Quetiapin)

April 2021 got off Quetiapin 4w taper

May 2021 tapered off Escitalopram 

9 August 2021 back on Escitalopram 2,5mg. Down to 2 mg. Updosed to 2,2mg August 24 Down to 2mg September 2

Updosed to 3mg Sept 28 

December Still holding ❤️

June 9 2022 2,9 mg

June 19 2022 2,85 mg

December 2022 switched syringes and realized i am actually taking 3,4 mg

Supplements vitamin E 400 magnesium malate a fraction of 400, Rosita Cod liver oil

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Hi @Escitalopram21

 

Usually the first session is for the therapist to get to know you. He/She will ask for your personal info, your family, your upbringing and so on and then will ask you why you are there. (this usually takes up the whole first session)

Some therapists had made me take tests but that has not always been the case.

When I contacted my therapist  for the first time  (before the actual session) I told her I was interested in EMDR and she explained to me that we had to assess my situation before trying EMDR and this was going to be integrated with other modalities as we moved forward depending on my needs. I have been seeing my therapist for almost 2 months now I think and we have been doing different exercises including 2 EMDR sessions, sometimes we do parts work or other talk exercises. So far I have been experiencing positive changes. My therapist is very kind and is always asking me if I have any questions/ how is my body feeling before trying anything new.

Remember that the therapist is there to help you and if you don't feel comfortable or feel that you are not getting the help you need you can always look for someone else. So far my experience has been good.

 

 

 

On 12/4/2021 at 9:47 AM, Escitalopram21 said:

Did you ever try polyvagal exercises? 

I have heard of polyvagal exercises and have a couple of books on my waitlist but I haven't tried anyone yet. Sometimes I feel a bit overwhelmed with too much info but I'm looking forward to investigating more on that.

 

Ii hope your first session goes well please keep us updated ☺️

 

@Greatful

On 12/7/2021 at 10:28 AM, Greatful said:

Anyway, can you point me  in the right direction with the exercises you mentioned.

 

I totally understand I just feel like I have been in freeze mode my whole life and just starting to understand what it was.

One excersise I have been focusing on  consists of identifying and naming what I am feeling and observing it (including sensations in my body) It seems simple but a lot of my freeze came from being in panic and not even being able to identify what was going on. The rest I have been working with my therapist through EMDR.

 

As I mentioned before the ig page breakingdowncptsd has been a blessing to me, she has a weekly live stream called healing tools together in which she guides you through different exercises in real time  and also has a lot of information on healing. Everything is saved in her igtv so you can check it out anytime.

 

 

  • Started Taking Cymbalta on Dec 31 2015. Went from 30 mg, up to 120 mg until Oct 2016
  • Oct 2016:  fast tapered per doctor's instructions,  in just 2 weeks went from 120 to 90 to 60 mg 
  • CT from 60 mg to 0 and then reinstated after 3 days, then found the 10% method.
  • Tapering since October 2016, lowering by 10% of dose reductions (of original dose which was too fast)
  • May 2017: 7.2 mg/day
  • Nov 2017: 2.7 mg/day  tapered to fast, took a rest
  • Jan 2018: started reducing 2 pellets per month (took more than a month if needed)
  • August 2018: 1.8 mg/day  (10 pellets left)
  • September 2018: 9 pellets left
  • January 2019: 5 pellets left(reducing 1 pellet per month)
  • June 25 2019: last bead taken
  • Forever Free!!!
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@PapayaShake

Thank you for your answer! 
I feel very discouraged, the session didnt go too well. I had my second vaccineshoot the day before and was really tired and a little anxious about the first session. 
The therapist didnt pick up on that and We went straight into my biggest traumas. She even asked me to close my eyes and tell me how i felt in the trauma. As you can see, it overwhelmed me. 
 

Bot sure that i Will see her again. 
Might go back on drugs, was feeling hopeful but as she dont seem the be able to help me i might not have any other option.

2009 Escitalopram 10mg

April 2013 got off August 2013 reinstated 

July 2015 Ketipinor 50mg (Quetiapin)

April 2021 got off Quetiapin 4w taper

May 2021 tapered off Escitalopram 

9 August 2021 back on Escitalopram 2,5mg. Down to 2 mg. Updosed to 2,2mg August 24 Down to 2mg September 2

Updosed to 3mg Sept 28 

December Still holding ❤️

June 9 2022 2,9 mg

June 19 2022 2,85 mg

December 2022 switched syringes and realized i am actually taking 3,4 mg

Supplements vitamin E 400 magnesium malate a fraction of 400, Rosita Cod liver oil

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1 hour ago, Escitalopram21 said:

@PapayaShake

Thank you for your answer! 
I feel very discouraged, the session didnt go too well. I had my second vaccineshoot the day before and was really tired and a little anxious about the first session. 
The therapist didnt pick up on that and We went straight into my biggest traumas. She even asked me to close my eyes and tell me how i felt in the trauma. As you can see, it overwhelmed me. 
 

Bot sure that i Will see her again. 
Might go back on drugs, was feeling hopeful but as she dont seem the be able to help me i might not have any other option.

oh dear, you are seeing  a therapist who works on traumas?!?! 

oh please, do not do this now!!

 

I have a long history of traumas and believe me, during WD recovery is NOT the time to be working on those

 

you want to focus as much as possible only on GOOD THINGs, Positive things.

 

some CBT might help during WD but the thing you mentioned, imagining your traumas, no, that's not good

 

just because this kind of therapy is not right for you esp not now does not mean you need to go back on drugs

 

it means you need to find other tools to help you get thru that will help and not make you worse.

 

 

what other things have you done to help you cope with the symptoms of WD? maybe we can help you find some new tools?

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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@Happy2Heal

I saw a Somatic Experiencing therapist whom I had told that I am in the middle of medication withdrawal. 
My thought was that We were going to get to know each other and work on grounding techniques, resourcing etc since I havent really done much of that with my current therapaist. At least not in the last 5 y. 
I did NOT except to dive into the 4y old me left alone. 
 

Thank you ❤️ I am not sure what do now. My worst symptoms are the ruminating, beeing hard on myself because i can’t do the things i used to do with my family. And I am dissociating heavily, flashbacks are bad. 
I have tried some orienting that Irene Lyon teaches, containing my emotions that Peter Levine teaches. Deep breathing, journaling. 

2009 Escitalopram 10mg

April 2013 got off August 2013 reinstated 

July 2015 Ketipinor 50mg (Quetiapin)

April 2021 got off Quetiapin 4w taper

May 2021 tapered off Escitalopram 

9 August 2021 back on Escitalopram 2,5mg. Down to 2 mg. Updosed to 2,2mg August 24 Down to 2mg September 2

Updosed to 3mg Sept 28 

December Still holding ❤️

June 9 2022 2,9 mg

June 19 2022 2,85 mg

December 2022 switched syringes and realized i am actually taking 3,4 mg

Supplements vitamin E 400 magnesium malate a fraction of 400, Rosita Cod liver oil

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1 hour ago, Escitalopram21 said:

@Happy2Heal

I saw a Somatic Experiencing therapist whom I had told that I am in the middle of medication withdrawal. 
My thought was that We were going to get to know each other and work on grounding techniques, resourcing etc since I havent really done much of that with my current therapaist. At least not in the last 5 y. 
I did NOT except to dive into the 4y old me left alone. 
 

Thank you ❤️ I am not sure what do now. My worst symptoms are the ruminating, beeing hard on myself because i can’t do the things i used to do with my family. And I am dissociating heavily, flashbacks are bad. 
I have tried some orienting that Irene Lyon teaches, containing my emotions that Peter Levine teaches. Deep breathing, journaling. 

very very few people in the mental health "system" know know about, understand or even acknowledge withdrawal symptoms and recovery from psychiatric drugs. I think if this therapist did understand she would never have attempted what she did with you. I am very sorry you went thru that

 

as a fellow survivor of multiple traumas I urge you strongly NOT to try to do therapy for these issues now.

A lot of my WD symptoms were made worse by my trauma history but I honestly don't think that there is much any therapist has to offer in the way of assistance with that, except for possibly a really good CB therapist .

you might have better luck with a lower tier social worker who just lets you talk about what is on your mind and how you are doing and offers you good emotional support and empathy, at least for the time being.

 

staying in the moment is helpful, and if that seems to painful or distressing, distracting yourself with other things will help. Dissociating is a protective thing that our minds do to help us thru a difficult time, it's not something to be afraid of, really. If you feel it happening, that's the time to focus on yourself in the present moment, and to look around and name things that you can see, and hear and feel and taste, etc to ground you. 

I found that physical activity (gentle stuff!) would help me sometimes. Other times a soothing bath, or if possibly getting into a pool (heated if it's winter) I find that very soothing. A weighted blanket can help

 

It is good for you to get out of my "head" and your mind and into your body and remind yourself that you are SAFE NOW there is nothing bad happening now

 

Your brain in WD may be trying to tell you that there is something wrong but there is NOT. You are healing, and while it doesn't feel good it's something that your brain needs to do to get back to where it was pre drugs

 

I hope that you have some supportive people in your life who can reassure you that you are doing GREAT in difficult circumstances

who can remind you that you already survived those traumas and all that is left is the memory of them, the actual scary stuff is OVER.

Now you can tell your brain, hey, I"m safe now, I don't have to feel this way. I found ways to survive and here I am!! this is wonderful!

 

your feelings of being inadequate are almost surely generated by your brain in WD and recovery and not a true reflection of how you will feel when you are fully recovered. 
 

even people with NO trauma history at all are plagued with self doubt and negative thoughts about themselves during WD and recovery

 

each day find something that you enjoyed even a little bit

find something that you are grateful for

find something that is good and write it down

 

this is not the time to dredge up the past, this is the time to move forward while focusing on all that you have accomplished so far to get to where you  are today

You have already survived so much!

you have proven how strong you truly are!

 

try to realize the truth of these words and let them sink in

you have much to be proud of

 

sending you gentle hugs 

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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On 1/12/2022 at 1:10 AM, Happy2Heal said:

oh dear, you are seeing  a therapist who works on traumas?!?! 

oh please, do not do this now!!

 

I have a long history of traumas and believe me, during WD recovery is NOT the time to be working on those

 

you want to focus as much as possible only on GOOD THINGs, Positive things.

 

some CBT might help during WD but the thing you mentioned, imagining your traumas, no, that's not good

 

This really wasn't my experience at all.

 

Getting off the drug safely required resolving the traumas that had led to its prescription in the first place.  Resolving the traumas required continuing to reduce the drugs to the point where they could be worked on.

 

So a bit off that side, a bit off the other side, then back, and so on.

 

It will never be pleasant doing this sort of trauma work.  It is important though, that your therapist be working with you, that your senses tell you you are safe and comfortable with them, the rapport is vital.  

 

@Escitalopram21 If the one you worked with was not to your satisfaction, find another.  You can talk about what you needed if you feel it would help, but you are also free to find someone you prefer to work with.  Like hairdressers 🙂

 

My sense is that this therapist should have stressed the need for you to maximise self care during this work.  It inevitably brings upheaval and you need to make sure you have the support.

Edited by hayduke

I am not a health professional - your actions are your own.  

Please do not seek tapering support via private message - "Any reason to hold is a good one"

My taper visualised as a graph   |   My intro thread

Backdrop:  2003 10mg olanzapine | 2004 2-3mg risperidone | end 2014 3wks aripiprazole

2015: olanzapine  10 -> 7½ -> 6⅔ -> 5mg  by crude pill cutter

2018:  Mar 5.00mg -> water titrated taper -> Aug2.5mg tablet and hold

Jan 2019 2.50mg water titration -> Jan 2020 1.214  -> Jan 2021 0.44 -> 2 Oct 0.205 ->3 Oct ZERO🥂

Jun 2023 💉150mg paliperidone "loading" depot shot, 100mg 1wk after Jul 100mg Aug-Dec 75mg/4wks

Jul 2023 2.50mg aripiprazole/day attempt to lower prolactin^

Jan-Feb 2024 cross taper off shots to 1mg risperidone

 

Ask not what you can do for your country, but what your country did to you"  -- KMFDM

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On 1/11/2022 at 12:47 PM, Escitalopram21 said:

@PapayaShake

Thank you for your answer! 
I feel very discouraged, the session didnt go too well. I had my second vaccineshoot the day before and was really tired and a little anxious about the first session. 
The therapist didnt pick up on that and We went straight into my biggest traumas. She even asked me to close my eyes and tell me how i felt in the trauma. As you can see, it overwhelmed me. 
 

Bot sure that i Will see her again. 
Might go back on drugs, was feeling hopeful but as she dont seem the be able to help me i might not have any other option.

 

@Escitalopram21

sorry you have had a bad experience with the therapist. The initial rapport is incredibly important and if you did not feel cared for by this person you don't have to see them - you are in control of therapy. While therapy can be great, not all therapists are. I would normally advise people to bring these issues to talk to the therapist about but in this case I worry that this therapist is not very skilled at working with trauma if she sent you into experiencing impactful trauma without evaluating your resources and making sure that you feel safe. This was unnecessary in a first session and could have been potentially damaging. So my advice would be to not go back to that person. 

 

However, you can see another therapist. My opinion on withdrawal and trauma therapy is that if you are stable and there are no flashbacks (emotional or visual) maybe there is no need to dig things while in withdrawal. However, that is rarely the case. Usually, the trauma that we have lived through comes flooding during withdrawal because the nervous system destabilization has opened the gates (serotonin acts like a brake on negative emotions (I am being simplistic here) and now that brake is not functioning). So often times proper therapy can help a lot during withdrawal. 

 

The key here is to find a therapist who really knows what they are doing - look for someone with experience (not just training, though training is very important). And be cautious and let your wishes known in the session - be ready to speak up. If something about the therapy makes you feel uncomfortable, let it be known. If you don't feel safe, let it be known. You are the client there and you should not be reinjured by this and should feel in control of the session. Trauma work is unpleasant and so some parts of it will be uncomfortable, but that discomfort should be manageable in session and between sessions. You should be able to determine the pace of the work. It is of course better if you can find a therapist who can 'sense' these through your expression, your body language etc. These are harder on Zoom than IRL but a skilled professional can do it. And they should always emphasize safety first. 

 

Now, no therapist is perfect and during the course of therapy they might say or do things that will occasionally be disappointing or make you feel 'not in sync.' If this happens after you have established a good relationship, it is good to bring that up and discuss it in session. "You know, that thing you said about my father made me feel uncomfortable" or "It seemed like you were bored when I was talking last time and it made me feel unwanted the way my mother/father/teacher used to make me feel" - these can be useful moments that can be discussed/repaired and allow you insight into your history and situation. However, if these are common or are not repaired or make you feel worse, it may be time to move on. 

 

So my advice would be to grieve this disappointment and look for someone else. Some therapists will allow you to have a free 15 min session to 'suss' each other. During that session, if you don't feel a 'spark' - empathy, warmth, attunement etc. I would move on. It's nothing bad about them or about you, it's just not a match. Trust your senses. You don't have to disclose anything that doesn't feel comfortable to disclose during that first session, you don't have to re-experience any trauma that you are not properly prepared to experience during that time. I think of the first session as a way to 'smell each other ' -  sort of like what dogs do. 

 

I would encourage you to give therapy another go if you are in distress. I do IFS and EMDR but have also done CBT all of which I have found useful. I have also had a few therapists over the years (I think 9 as I moved a lot) and have "fired" two others - one who kept recommending SSRIs after I told her about withdrawal and another who was being unprofessional. I have also had two experiences of meeting a therapist and not starting sessions with them - one came highly recommended and we met for 15 min and she was ok and highly qualified but I did not feel warmth/connection/rapport and did not proceed with her. Another one was disastrous - she kept not listening to me and did not understand trauma. I also once had a telephone interview for therapy assignment and the person asked me to recount details of the trauma (very unprofessional). I filed a complaint on that one. All this, however, has not stopped me from finding benefit from therapy over the years - some more than others, of course. Therapists can be wonderful but not all of them are. You can find a better one. 

 

Hope you find some peace soon, 
OMW

Edited by Onmyway

"Nothing so small as a moment is insurmountable, and moments are all that we have. You have survived every trial and tribulation that life has thrown at you up until this very instant. When future troubles come—and they will come—a version of you will be born into that moment that can conquer them, too." - Kevin Koenig 

 

I am not a doctor and this should not be considered medical advice. You can use the information and recommendations provided in whatever way you want and all decisions on your treatment are yours. 

 

In the next few weeks I do not have a lot of capacity to respond to questions. If you need a quick answer pls tag or ask other moderators who may want to be tagged. 

 

Aug  2000 - July 2003 (ct, 4-6 wk wd) , citalopram 20 mg,  xanax prn, wellbutrin for a few months, trazodone prn 

Dec 2004 - July 2018 citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn (rarely used)

Aug 2018 - citalopram 40 mg (self titrated up)

September 2018 - January 2019 tapered citalopram - 40/30/20/10/5 no issues until a week after reaching 0

Feb 2019 0.25 xanax - 0.5/day (3 weeks) over to klonopin 0.25 once a day to manage severe wd

March 6, reinstated citalopram 2.5 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 mg for sleep 2-3 times a week

Apr 1st citalopram 2.0 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 once a week (off by 4/14/19- no tapering)

citalopram (liquid) 4/14/19 -1.8 mg, 5/8/19 - 1.6 mg,  7/27/19 -1.5 mg,  8/15/19 - 1.35, 2/21/21 - 1.1 (smaller drops in between), 6/20/21 - 1.03 mg, 8/7/21- 1.025, 8/11/21 - 1.02, 8/15/21 - 1.015, 9/3/21 - 0.925 (fingers crossed!), 10/8/21 - 0.9, 10/18/21 - 0.875, 12/31/21 - 0.85, 1/7/22 - 0.825, 1/14/22 - 0.8, 1/22/22 - 0.785, 8/18/22 - 0.59, 12/15/2022 - 0.48, 2/15/22 - 0.43, 25/07/23 - 0.25 (mistake), 6/08/23 - 0.33mg

 

Supplements: magnesium citrate and bi-glycinate

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  • 3 weeks later...

@Onmyway

I could not have said it better!

 

I also ditched 3 therapists before finding the one I'm working with, so @Escitalopram21 do not let this discourage you. I have read that relieving the trauma is neither necessary nor recommended to do during trauma therapy since it can retraumatize the person. I have also been doing parts work and EMDR, and even though I obviously have to target all those situations, on no occasion has my therapist taken me to a place of extreme disconfort, and so far I can say I’m seeing results.

  • Started Taking Cymbalta on Dec 31 2015. Went from 30 mg, up to 120 mg until Oct 2016
  • Oct 2016:  fast tapered per doctor's instructions,  in just 2 weeks went from 120 to 90 to 60 mg 
  • CT from 60 mg to 0 and then reinstated after 3 days, then found the 10% method.
  • Tapering since October 2016, lowering by 10% of dose reductions (of original dose which was too fast)
  • May 2017: 7.2 mg/day
  • Nov 2017: 2.7 mg/day  tapered to fast, took a rest
  • Jan 2018: started reducing 2 pellets per month (took more than a month if needed)
  • August 2018: 1.8 mg/day  (10 pellets left)
  • September 2018: 9 pellets left
  • January 2019: 5 pellets left(reducing 1 pellet per month)
  • June 25 2019: last bead taken
  • Forever Free!!!
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Thank you @Happy2Heal@hayduke@Onmyway@PapayaShakefor your answers and support! It is great appreciated!

 

I did another session with the SE-therpaist, gave it another shoot and it was waaay better. Before doing the second session i postponed our next appointment and she actually contacted me to Ask how i was and if something had changed since our last session. So We were able to talk about my experience openly which made me want to try again. 
 

I am seeing improvements in my relationsships and my overall behaviour. To be honest i think i did that work by myself though.

Still really struggling to not let myself get disregulated and struggling with panic if having to go any longer than a mile away from home. i know what i stems from but dont seem to be able to handle the fright by myself.

2009 Escitalopram 10mg

April 2013 got off August 2013 reinstated 

July 2015 Ketipinor 50mg (Quetiapin)

April 2021 got off Quetiapin 4w taper

May 2021 tapered off Escitalopram 

9 August 2021 back on Escitalopram 2,5mg. Down to 2 mg. Updosed to 2,2mg August 24 Down to 2mg September 2

Updosed to 3mg Sept 28 

December Still holding ❤️

June 9 2022 2,9 mg

June 19 2022 2,85 mg

December 2022 switched syringes and realized i am actually taking 3,4 mg

Supplements vitamin E 400 magnesium malate a fraction of 400, Rosita Cod liver oil

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Good to hear you're at the helm and underway there @Escitalopram21

 

Anything you can do to calm your limbic system and ground will help in those situations.  Slowing your breathing, deep breaths, in through the nose and out through the mouth is a really basic good one.

 

I reckon your therapist can suggest a few.  The polyvagal theory I haven't really got to yet was suggested to me a lot, and eventually I will get to that book!

I am not a health professional - your actions are your own.  

Please do not seek tapering support via private message - "Any reason to hold is a good one"

My taper visualised as a graph   |   My intro thread

Backdrop:  2003 10mg olanzapine | 2004 2-3mg risperidone | end 2014 3wks aripiprazole

2015: olanzapine  10 -> 7½ -> 6⅔ -> 5mg  by crude pill cutter

2018:  Mar 5.00mg -> water titrated taper -> Aug2.5mg tablet and hold

Jan 2019 2.50mg water titration -> Jan 2020 1.214  -> Jan 2021 0.44 -> 2 Oct 0.205 ->3 Oct ZERO🥂

Jun 2023 💉150mg paliperidone "loading" depot shot, 100mg 1wk after Jul 100mg Aug-Dec 75mg/4wks

Jul 2023 2.50mg aripiprazole/day attempt to lower prolactin^

Jan-Feb 2024 cross taper off shots to 1mg risperidone

 

Ask not what you can do for your country, but what your country did to you"  -- KMFDM

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  • 3 weeks later...

Could We talk about hypervigilance? 
do you guys have it? Is it heightened during wd and How does it present for you? 
I have some symptoms of ptsd i think that I am trying to make sense of. Somehow it Calms me to be able to separate things and tell my brain -hey this is just hypervigilance/ beeing in freeze/ a traumaresponse and so on
@Greatful @hayduke@PapayaShake@Onmyway

2009 Escitalopram 10mg

April 2013 got off August 2013 reinstated 

July 2015 Ketipinor 50mg (Quetiapin)

April 2021 got off Quetiapin 4w taper

May 2021 tapered off Escitalopram 

9 August 2021 back on Escitalopram 2,5mg. Down to 2 mg. Updosed to 2,2mg August 24 Down to 2mg September 2

Updosed to 3mg Sept 28 

December Still holding ❤️

June 9 2022 2,9 mg

June 19 2022 2,85 mg

December 2022 switched syringes and realized i am actually taking 3,4 mg

Supplements vitamin E 400 magnesium malate a fraction of 400, Rosita Cod liver oil

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  • Moderator
On 2/26/2022 at 9:02 PM, Escitalopram21 said:

Could We talk about hypervigilance? 
do you guys have it? Is it heightened during wd and How does it present for you? 
I have some symptoms of ptsd i think that I am trying to make sense of. Somehow it Calms me to be able to separate things and tell my brain -hey this is just hypervigilance/ beeing in freeze/ a traumaresponse and so on

 

I had it for a while back in the old days when I was being stalked by an ex and my mother was acting all "concerned".  The shrink she chose cited it as a sign of a "chemical imbalance".  How I did not get diagnosed with PTSD from this and the anxiety consequent to being sexually assaulted, which I had advised them of, still leaves me appalled.

 

I would suggest revisiting the self care thread, magnesium baths, lots of omega 3, yoga etc.

 

If there is no actual threat present in your physical environment to cause it, you have probably been triggered and either way learning to calm yourself when this happens will serve you best as an essential life skill.

I am not a health professional - your actions are your own.  

Please do not seek tapering support via private message - "Any reason to hold is a good one"

My taper visualised as a graph   |   My intro thread

Backdrop:  2003 10mg olanzapine | 2004 2-3mg risperidone | end 2014 3wks aripiprazole

2015: olanzapine  10 -> 7½ -> 6⅔ -> 5mg  by crude pill cutter

2018:  Mar 5.00mg -> water titrated taper -> Aug2.5mg tablet and hold

Jan 2019 2.50mg water titration -> Jan 2020 1.214  -> Jan 2021 0.44 -> 2 Oct 0.205 ->3 Oct ZERO🥂

Jun 2023 💉150mg paliperidone "loading" depot shot, 100mg 1wk after Jul 100mg Aug-Dec 75mg/4wks

Jul 2023 2.50mg aripiprazole/day attempt to lower prolactin^

Jan-Feb 2024 cross taper off shots to 1mg risperidone

 

Ask not what you can do for your country, but what your country did to you"  -- KMFDM

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@Escitalopram21  I think it's a combo of things...We may have some trapped trauma in our body but so I think it will be hard to fully address  when we are in WD and our brain is not working/connecting right, emotions/thoughts/ CNS are all out of wack/ morphed.  The dots in our brains are not lining up and the brain is confused......I am hypervigilant most of the time both normally and more so in WD.  ........My brain tells me I should fear/be afraid.  I get over stimulated easily  and the the brain panics more........Did you ever read that story What's happening in your brain?  I think I sent it to you but I'll tag it here again

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/10914-what-is-happening-in-your-brain/

 

I know that I am struggling with trauma and WD at the same time but I am not going to force anything as far as trauma therapy.. It might be helpful to start out by learning  emotions and how to process them.  I am getting a lot of help doing the 1-30 lessons on How to Process emotions from the Therapy in a Nutshell on youtube https://youtu.be/zoCiHlFjo04 This is a link to lesson 1. You learn to not be afraid of emotions, learn to accept and not run from/or bury emotions.  Emotions are not bad, they can be painful but they are not bad. 

Here is a link to the site https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=therapy+in+a+nutshell

 

Remember take things slow.  You can retrain your brain.  It just takes time and patience...Forcing things to fast can make you feel frustrated, overwhelmed which then can cause negative and self defeating thoughts and  feelings. 

 

 

 

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/24894-greatful-is-this-withdrawal-or-to-many-med-changes-at-once/

1995? Prozac,  tried several Paxil, Serzone, St John's Wart back to Prozac and Trazodone ct:d Traz

 Lexapro. Tried to stop Crash in 2015  Kindled   Hospitalized, Vybrid, Seroquel, Effexor, Abilify  Pristiq, Wellbutrin-- 2016  ended back on   Prozac and Lamictal 200mg

5/2020  thru 12/2020 taper from 20mg  Prozac  down to 3mg.  Crashed  12/13/2020 Zoloft 50mg 1/29ct  1/29/2021 Seroquel 50mg ct  2/12/2021 Wellbutrin 75mg.  Became hypo manic 2/1  6ct Trazodone 50mg 4/25  25mg 2/5/ 2021 Lamictal 150mg.  2/24  100mg   4/9  75mg   4/21 37.5 

2/16/2021 Seroquel 50xr  3/3 100mg  3/17  150mg  side effects ct   4/3 2021 Lexapro 5mg  4/14  7.5mg  4/30 10mg  5/10  7.5mg 

2021/ 5/16  5mg Lexapro   37.5 Lamictal   25mg trazadone,   xanax  .0625mg  3x a day   

Lexapro  Taper> Sept/01/2021  4.90mg>  Sept/25  4.75mg>   Oct/19 4.69mg > Nov/14 4.2mg    Jan/30/2022-- Split dosing 2x a day All liquid  4.2mg  (2.20mg at 8am & 2mg at 4pm) 2/17 4mg>  2/24  3.8mg  slow taper to  Aug/12/2022 2.04mg  2023> 2mg,  1.90mg, 1.80mg, 1.70mg, 1.5mg, 1.4mg, 1.3mg 1.2mg, 1.1mg, 1mg, 0.9mg, 0.8mg, 0.7mg 0.65mg, 0.6mg, 0.55mg, 0.5mg, 0.45mg, 0.4mg, 0.35mg, 0.3mg, 0.25,mg, back to once a day dosing 0 .1mg, 0.07mg

Lamictal  taper  4/17/ 2022 25mg, 9/9/ 22 -20mg, 9/25/22- 15mg , 10/20/22-   0

 Trazodone..2023.>down to 14mg, 7mg, 6mg  July 2023   0

Xanax  0.0625 3 x a day,  2023>  0.042 3x a day

Supplements  Magnesium glycinate, Omega 3, D3, vitamin c , zinc, NAC 

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  • 2 months later...

How are you all doing?

@PapayaShake@hayduke

2009 Escitalopram 10mg

April 2013 got off August 2013 reinstated 

July 2015 Ketipinor 50mg (Quetiapin)

April 2021 got off Quetiapin 4w taper

May 2021 tapered off Escitalopram 

9 August 2021 back on Escitalopram 2,5mg. Down to 2 mg. Updosed to 2,2mg August 24 Down to 2mg September 2

Updosed to 3mg Sept 28 

December Still holding ❤️

June 9 2022 2,9 mg

June 19 2022 2,85 mg

December 2022 switched syringes and realized i am actually taking 3,4 mg

Supplements vitamin E 400 magnesium malate a fraction of 400, Rosita Cod liver oil

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Hi @Escitalopram21

 

I've been going to therapy weekly for the past 4-5 months. I have made a lot of progress. There have been weeks in which I have felt very close to normal.

 

Right now I just uncovered some things I didn't even remember so now we are working on that and it has been pretty hard.

The flashbacks have lost a lot of their intensity and I’m managing them a lot better. Overall life quality is better and I really feel like I am improving.

 

There is still a long way to go. As my therapy says we are working on a lifetime, she says she is seeing a lot of improvement considering it has only been 5 months.

What I am getting difficulty with,  is the fact that the trauma and withdrawal symptoms overlap.

 

One of my main issues right now is dealing with anhedonia, creeping, inmobilizing anhedonia to the point I sometimes can't get out of bed and I have an irritability feeling that makes me feel like I want to hit my head against the wall about every task I am supposed to do. Sometimes I don’t know if this is a trauma trigger or just plain anhedonia caused by meds. Also other minor symptoms that I don’t know if I should work in therapy or acknowledge them as withdrawal.

 

My therapist is really good but she has no knowledge of the side effects of antidepressants so this is something I can’t properly address with her.

 

But thankfully I  feel like I'm moving forward

 

How about you? Are you still in therapy?

 

  • Started Taking Cymbalta on Dec 31 2015. Went from 30 mg, up to 120 mg until Oct 2016
  • Oct 2016:  fast tapered per doctor's instructions,  in just 2 weeks went from 120 to 90 to 60 mg 
  • CT from 60 mg to 0 and then reinstated after 3 days, then found the 10% method.
  • Tapering since October 2016, lowering by 10% of dose reductions (of original dose which was too fast)
  • May 2017: 7.2 mg/day
  • Nov 2017: 2.7 mg/day  tapered to fast, took a rest
  • Jan 2018: started reducing 2 pellets per month (took more than a month if needed)
  • August 2018: 1.8 mg/day  (10 pellets left)
  • September 2018: 9 pellets left
  • January 2019: 5 pellets left(reducing 1 pellet per month)
  • June 25 2019: last bead taken
  • Forever Free!!!
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  • 3 weeks later...
On 2/5/2022 at 4:43 AM, Escitalopram21 said:

Thank you @Happy2Heal@hayduke@Onmyway@PapayaShakefor your answers and support! It is great appreciated!

 

I did another session with the SE-therpaist, gave it another shoot and it was waaay better. Before doing the second session i postponed our next appointment and she actually contacted me to Ask how i was and if something had changed since our last session. So We were able to talk about my experience openly which made me want to try again. 
 

I am seeing improvements in my relationsships and my overall behaviour. To be honest i think i did that work by myself though.

Still really struggling to not let myself get disregulated and struggling with panic if having to go any longer than a mile away from home. i know what i stems from but dont seem to be able to handle the fright by myself.


how had the threapy been going with your trauma? I’m going through the same but getting mixed answers not to talk to a trauma therapist during withdrawal because your sensitive

April 2022- Only 1 celxa pill 10mg

had an adverse reaction & never took anymore again 

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On 2/28/2022 at 5:57 PM, hayduke said:

 

I had it for a while back in the old days when I was being stalked by an ex and my mother was acting all "concerned".  The shrink she chose cited it as a sign of a "chemical imbalance".  How I did not get diagnosed with PTSD from this and the anxiety consequent to being sexually assaulted, which I had advised them of, still leaves me appalled.

 

I would suggest revisiting the self care thread, magnesium baths, lots of omega 3, yoga etc.

 

If there is no actual threat present in your physical environment to cause it, you have probably been triggered and either way learning to calm yourself when this happens will serve you best as an essential life skill.


Did you heal your trauma with the therapist? I’m going through the same thing trauma coming up all of a sudden during my adverse reaction to a SSRI but getting mixed answers not to talk to a trauma therapist during withdrawal because your sensitive

April 2022- Only 1 celxa pill 10mg

had an adverse reaction & never took anymore again 

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On 3/1/2022 at 11:03 AM, Greatful said:

@Escitalopram21  I think it's a combo of things...We may have some trapped trauma in our body but so I think it will be hard to fully address  when we are in WD and our brain is not working/connecting right, emotions/thoughts/ CNS are all out of wack/ morphed.  The dots in our brains are not lining up and the brain is confused......I am hypervigilant most of the time both normally and more so in WD.  ........My brain tells me I should fear/be afraid.  I get over stimulated easily  and the the brain panics more........Did you ever read that story What's happening in your brain?  I think I sent it to you but I'll tag it here again

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/10914-what-is-happening-in-your-brain/

 

I know that I am struggling with trauma and WD at the same time but I am not going to force anything as far as trauma therapy.. It might be helpful to start out by learning  emotions and how to process them.  I am getting a lot of help doing the 1-30 lessons on How to Process emotions from the Therapy in a Nutshell on youtube https://youtu.be/zoCiHlFjo04 This is a link to lesson 1. You learn to not be afraid of emotions, learn to accept and not run from/or bury emotions.  Emotions are not bad, they can be painful but they are not bad. 

Here is a link to the site https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=therapy+in+a+nutshell

 

Remember take things slow.  You can retrain your brain.  It just takes time and patience...Forcing things to fast can make you feel frustrated, overwhelmed which then can cause negative and self defeating thoughts and  feelings. 

 

 

 

 


I’m going through the same thing trauma coming up all of a sudden during my adverse reaction to a SSRI but getting mixed answers not to talk to a trauma therapist during withdrawal because your sensitive. Any advice? Idk what to do

April 2022- Only 1 celxa pill 10mg

had an adverse reaction & never took anymore again 

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@peaceandlove

My heart goes out to you--I was so unhinged and frightened out of my wits.  Nothing worse then going through WD and unhealed trauma.. I developed some crazy phobia's and obsessions--the intense fear from my Wd-- brain not connecting right and then throw in fears from childhood-- 

 

I have not seen a trained trauma therapist but I do see a family therapist, Molly, when I first went into  deep WD is when I realized the full extent of how much  my childhood trauma was/and impacted my life-   I too had so much erupt come forward. Having flashbacks-I was so scared--I had to learn how to start dealing with it ..... Tried to recognize what was going on.. dealing with things as they come up.. My therapist was not as aware how deep it went either, until things started to erupt from me...At that time she didn't think I was healthy enough to do edmr or trauma therapy--she has been guiding me with some self healing-CBT-listening  and validation... 

I hope to try some edmr when I am a little more stable....

Recently I found a big validation and explanation for how trauma works in your brain and body from the book The Body Keeps Score by Bessel Van Ber Kola M.D. This maybe a good place to start....I am getting to the part of the book on how to heal from it...

I should say Molly is on board with WD and if helping me with that to--I don't think she is up to date with how WD really works but she does believe I am in it.. She is learning from me about it...I tend to push her on it LOL---She know that I am on SA...

 

reach out to me if you have any more questions.  You will be okay.. sadly  somehow we have to learn how to slowly take things as they come up.. learn about it... what trauma means and what you can do to deal with what's coming up now...Deep digging can come later...

 

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/24894-greatful-is-this-withdrawal-or-to-many-med-changes-at-once/

1995? Prozac,  tried several Paxil, Serzone, St John's Wart back to Prozac and Trazodone ct:d Traz

 Lexapro. Tried to stop Crash in 2015  Kindled   Hospitalized, Vybrid, Seroquel, Effexor, Abilify  Pristiq, Wellbutrin-- 2016  ended back on   Prozac and Lamictal 200mg

5/2020  thru 12/2020 taper from 20mg  Prozac  down to 3mg.  Crashed  12/13/2020 Zoloft 50mg 1/29ct  1/29/2021 Seroquel 50mg ct  2/12/2021 Wellbutrin 75mg.  Became hypo manic 2/1  6ct Trazodone 50mg 4/25  25mg 2/5/ 2021 Lamictal 150mg.  2/24  100mg   4/9  75mg   4/21 37.5 

2/16/2021 Seroquel 50xr  3/3 100mg  3/17  150mg  side effects ct   4/3 2021 Lexapro 5mg  4/14  7.5mg  4/30 10mg  5/10  7.5mg 

2021/ 5/16  5mg Lexapro   37.5 Lamictal   25mg trazadone,   xanax  .0625mg  3x a day   

Lexapro  Taper> Sept/01/2021  4.90mg>  Sept/25  4.75mg>   Oct/19 4.69mg > Nov/14 4.2mg    Jan/30/2022-- Split dosing 2x a day All liquid  4.2mg  (2.20mg at 8am & 2mg at 4pm) 2/17 4mg>  2/24  3.8mg  slow taper to  Aug/12/2022 2.04mg  2023> 2mg,  1.90mg, 1.80mg, 1.70mg, 1.5mg, 1.4mg, 1.3mg 1.2mg, 1.1mg, 1mg, 0.9mg, 0.8mg, 0.7mg 0.65mg, 0.6mg, 0.55mg, 0.5mg, 0.45mg, 0.4mg, 0.35mg, 0.3mg, 0.25,mg, back to once a day dosing 0 .1mg, 0.07mg

Lamictal  taper  4/17/ 2022 25mg, 9/9/ 22 -20mg, 9/25/22- 15mg , 10/20/22-   0

 Trazodone..2023.>down to 14mg, 7mg, 6mg  July 2023   0

Xanax  0.0625 3 x a day,  2023>  0.042 3x a day

Supplements  Magnesium glycinate, Omega 3, D3, vitamin c , zinc, NAC 

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1 hour ago, Greatful said:

@peaceandlove

My heart goes out to you--I was so unhinged and frightened out of my wits.  Nothing worse then going through WD and unhealed trauma.. I developed some crazy phobia's and obsessions--the intense fear from my Wd-- brain not connecting right and then throw in fears from childhood-- 

 

I have not seen a trained trauma therapist but I do see a family therapist, Molly, when I first went into  deep WD is when I realized the full extent of how much  my childhood trauma was/and impacted my life-   I too had so much erupt come forward. Having flashbacks-I was so scared--I had to learn how to start dealing with it ..... Tried to recognize what was going on.. dealing with things as they come up.. My therapist was not as aware how deep it went either, until things started to erupt from me...At that time she didn't think I was healthy enough to do edmr or trauma therapy--she has been guiding me with some self healing-CBT-listening  and validation... 

I hope to try some edmr when I am a little more stable....

Recently I found a big validation and explanation for how trauma works in your brain and body from the book The Body Keeps Score by Bessel Van Ber Kola M.D. This maybe a good place to start....I am getting to the part of the book on how to heal from it...

I should say Molly is on board with WD and if helping me with that to--I don't think she is up to date with how WD really works but she does believe I am in it.. She is learning from me about it...I tend to push her on it LOL---She know that I am on SA...

 

reach out to me if you have any more questions.  You will be okay.. sadly  somehow we have to learn how to slowly take things as they come up.. learn about it... what trauma means and what you can do to deal with what's coming up now...Deep digging can come later...

 

 


thank you so much. The thoughts are the worse part about this. I never felt this way ever in my life so I know it’s obviously from my adverse reaction. I guess my question is how can I practice the CBT techniques you talk about on myself?? Is there a worksheet I can do or a video or something 

April 2022- Only 1 celxa pill 10mg

had an adverse reaction & never took anymore again 

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On 6/4/2022 at 8:34 AM, peaceandlove said:

how had the threapy been going with your trauma? I’m going through the same but getting mixed answers not to talk to a trauma therapist during withdrawal because your sensitive

I personally feel that talking to a therapist might be too much. But doing the se-therapy was much more gentle once We were on the same page and she was able to read me a little bit better. We actually have been able to ”change” one of my memories of beeing small, scared and lonely.

 

i think there is no Right or wrong, its all up to what works for you!

2009 Escitalopram 10mg

April 2013 got off August 2013 reinstated 

July 2015 Ketipinor 50mg (Quetiapin)

April 2021 got off Quetiapin 4w taper

May 2021 tapered off Escitalopram 

9 August 2021 back on Escitalopram 2,5mg. Down to 2 mg. Updosed to 2,2mg August 24 Down to 2mg September 2

Updosed to 3mg Sept 28 

December Still holding ❤️

June 9 2022 2,9 mg

June 19 2022 2,85 mg

December 2022 switched syringes and realized i am actually taking 3,4 mg

Supplements vitamin E 400 magnesium malate a fraction of 400, Rosita Cod liver oil

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Just wanted to chime in. I haven't experienced this so far in my AD withdrawal. But 4 months after my klonopin cold turkey during a bad wave I had a night where it felt like I was 12 again. It was very hard to explain but all my memories from that time both good and bad felt very fresh in my mind and it felt like I was living in that time period again. It was very strange and unnerving.

 

It's like a temporary cross connection in my brain occurred linking an area where memories are stored into another area of my brain that controls how I feel at present. Don't quite know how to properly out it into words that would make it tangibly desciptive.

2008: March, Klonopin .5 mg to 1 mg

2009: Dec, CT Klonopin

2010: full year heavy alcohol use

2011: Jan - withdrawals start

2012: Apr- bad wave, start zoloft 50

2014 to 2020: Switch ADs

Sertraline 100mgs >Lexapro 20 mgs>Prozac 20 mgs >Lexapro 20

2021: Sertraline 25 mgs

2022: Mar. Cut dose down to 12.5

End of May, starting to crash physically/mentally.

 

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  • 2 months later...
On 9/30/2021 at 7:31 AM, Escitalopram21 said:

Thanks for your answer @Kiasofia!

i am not ruminating over my decisions it is more like a smell, a sensation or something in a situation that triggers a feeling of going back in time. Like when going out for a smoke i suddenly feel like my 10y younger self and i feel like sitting on the stairs at our old house were We used to live when i started the meds. And once in spring when it was warm i felt like 19 when i was on a trip to spain. Is this familiar to you?

This is exactly me!!!!! Has it gotten better for you?

2000-2018 150-200mg Sertraline and Vyvanse

2018- vyvanse 60mg to 0 over 6mo. 200mg Sertraline to 150mg. 2019- 150mg Sertraline to 100mg. Early 2021- 100mg to 87.5, two weeks later 87.5 to 75mg, 1.25-4mg bromazepam PRN. Mid 2021 - Feb 2022 taper 2.5%-5% 75mg to 50mg. March 2022 bromazepam for 3 weeks. May 9th 2022 started Propranolol, 10mg in the morning and 10mg in the evening. July 2022- off propranolol Oct 2022- off birth control. Dec 2022- updose sertraline 100mg, benztropine 1mg and Ativan 1mg. March 2023- stop benztropine. May 2023 - ativan taper finished. May 2023 - updose Sertraline to 125mg added propranolol 40mg added Ativan 1mg. July 5- sertraline 112.5mg propranolol 60mg, quick 2 week Ativan taper. Current meds: propranolol 60mg, sertraline 106.25mg, Ativan .025mg, B6, CoQ10, Magnesium Glycinate

 

 

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On 10/31/2021 at 3:10 PM, 92sharks said:

I have been experiencing so much of these young memories since beginning acupuncture 3 months ago. Starting acupuncture also coincided with hitting a terrible wave when I hit 10 beads of Effexor (11 beads-forgotten dose, then dropped to 10 beads). After last acupuncture tx I woke up the following day with STRONG feelings and memories of a summer when I was 4-5 years old. The feelings and memories persisted for several days, so much so that I asked my older siblings if something had happened during that vacation that I was not aware of. They reported nothing that they knew of. My point is that I do feel there is a type of trauma in my past that I am not aware of intellectually. No memories. But I feel it; the anxiety comes up, out of my control. @GratefulI so understand you breaking down to your husband, feeling like your 10yr old self. Ditto for me. I fully ascribe to embracing our younger selves to help them from what we couldn't understand and protect ourselves from when we were young. I really appreciate your post about what you are experiencing. It is such a strange occurrence to physically feel the feelings of being that younger self again. And I so appreciate @Escitalopram21that you broached this subject. I am very glad to know that I am not the only one experiencing this phenomenon. It is hard to realize that you can't just move on until you try to understand or resolve whatever these feelings are from. To go back and figure them out, work through them, so that you can function in the present and move into the future. I can remember positive memories of my childhood, but there are some memories that induce physical reactions. @haydukeI appreciate all of your posts. I enjoy all of them and learn from them. And I laugh at so many. You seem, to be a very positive, strong person, and so very open and honest. Your encouragement about seeking a therapist, EMDR, unpacking trauma, is well taken and I believe spot-on. Thanking all three of you today for unknowingly helping me move forward in this journey. ❤️

I feel the same way. Hoping these thoughts and feelings are improving for you!

2000-2018 150-200mg Sertraline and Vyvanse

2018- vyvanse 60mg to 0 over 6mo. 200mg Sertraline to 150mg. 2019- 150mg Sertraline to 100mg. Early 2021- 100mg to 87.5, two weeks later 87.5 to 75mg, 1.25-4mg bromazepam PRN. Mid 2021 - Feb 2022 taper 2.5%-5% 75mg to 50mg. March 2022 bromazepam for 3 weeks. May 9th 2022 started Propranolol, 10mg in the morning and 10mg in the evening. July 2022- off propranolol Oct 2022- off birth control. Dec 2022- updose sertraline 100mg, benztropine 1mg and Ativan 1mg. March 2023- stop benztropine. May 2023 - ativan taper finished. May 2023 - updose Sertraline to 125mg added propranolol 40mg added Ativan 1mg. July 5- sertraline 112.5mg propranolol 60mg, quick 2 week Ativan taper. Current meds: propranolol 60mg, sertraline 106.25mg, Ativan .025mg, B6, CoQ10, Magnesium Glycinate

 

 

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51 minutes ago, Lauren90 said:

This is exactly me!!!!! Has it gotten better for you?

 

I’m in a constant nostalgia trip. It’s like every memory I’ve ever had comes flooding back at all hours of the day and the feelings associated with them are making me uncomfortable. Even good memories

 

Edited by ChessieCat
Resized font

2000-2018 150-200mg Sertraline and Vyvanse

2018- vyvanse 60mg to 0 over 6mo. 200mg Sertraline to 150mg. 2019- 150mg Sertraline to 100mg. Early 2021- 100mg to 87.5, two weeks later 87.5 to 75mg, 1.25-4mg bromazepam PRN. Mid 2021 - Feb 2022 taper 2.5%-5% 75mg to 50mg. March 2022 bromazepam for 3 weeks. May 9th 2022 started Propranolol, 10mg in the morning and 10mg in the evening. July 2022- off propranolol Oct 2022- off birth control. Dec 2022- updose sertraline 100mg, benztropine 1mg and Ativan 1mg. March 2023- stop benztropine. May 2023 - ativan taper finished. May 2023 - updose Sertraline to 125mg added propranolol 40mg added Ativan 1mg. July 5- sertraline 112.5mg propranolol 60mg, quick 2 week Ativan taper. Current meds: propranolol 60mg, sertraline 106.25mg, Ativan .025mg, B6, CoQ10, Magnesium Glycinate

 

 

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@Kaervin

sorry missed your vommens earlier. How are you doing now?

2009 Escitalopram 10mg

April 2013 got off August 2013 reinstated 

July 2015 Ketipinor 50mg (Quetiapin)

April 2021 got off Quetiapin 4w taper

May 2021 tapered off Escitalopram 

9 August 2021 back on Escitalopram 2,5mg. Down to 2 mg. Updosed to 2,2mg August 24 Down to 2mg September 2

Updosed to 3mg Sept 28 

December Still holding ❤️

June 9 2022 2,9 mg

June 19 2022 2,85 mg

December 2022 switched syringes and realized i am actually taking 3,4 mg

Supplements vitamin E 400 magnesium malate a fraction of 400, Rosita Cod liver oil

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@Lauren90sorry to hear you are experiencing this! It is horrible! 
 

i experienced this for a long time last autumn after my ct and havent been experiencing it since. Until last weekend when i felt like 19 again. No matter how i tried to feel like myself i couldnt, i just felt this in every inch of my body. 

2009 Escitalopram 10mg

April 2013 got off August 2013 reinstated 

July 2015 Ketipinor 50mg (Quetiapin)

April 2021 got off Quetiapin 4w taper

May 2021 tapered off Escitalopram 

9 August 2021 back on Escitalopram 2,5mg. Down to 2 mg. Updosed to 2,2mg August 24 Down to 2mg September 2

Updosed to 3mg Sept 28 

December Still holding ❤️

June 9 2022 2,9 mg

June 19 2022 2,85 mg

December 2022 switched syringes and realized i am actually taking 3,4 mg

Supplements vitamin E 400 magnesium malate a fraction of 400, Rosita Cod liver oil

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this time travel is the weirdest symptom of all. I get caught in old memories and "vibes" all of the time. i'm always barraged with nostalgia, no feeling is ever static. I can find a little bit of enjoyment in it, it's sort of a forced escapism. it reminds me of hypnagogic activity. like getting random visions before falling asleep. like the recognition part of my brain is hyperactive. everything can trigger a memory. sorry you're going through it! I wonder what mechanism is behind this.

2016: started sertraline 25mg - upped dose to 75mg and tapered down to 25mg.

2017: June - skipped doses to taper sertraline 25mg. December - reinstated sertraline 25mg

2018: October - skipped doses to taper sertraline 25mg. 

2019: January - reinstated sertraline 25mg because of dp/dr symptoms

2020: October - basically CTd sertraline 25mg. enter protracted withdrawal.

2021: Dec 9th - ADR to sertraline reinstatement at 25mg. Dec 10th - Zopiclone 2.5 mg. Dec 11th - zopiclone 5 mg. Dec 17th(?) - sertraline 25mg.

Dec 24th - sertraline 25mg. Dec 25th - sertraline 25mg.

December/January: was double dosing b12 1000mcg at some point :$

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  • 5 months later...
  • Moderator

I have been having a reversal back to the beginning of withdrawal recently after a fairly stable time tapering for the last few months. This was one of the most common feelings for me in the beginning and is back now as well - I end up being transported to (and missing) mundane parts of my previous life - a walk, sitting on my couch in a previous apartment, worrying about XYZ, talking about ABC, that moment when the crocuses were blooming in the yard, that time when I was walking to the supermarket. All coming back to me in the last few days. And often. It is sweet but also sad to the point that it brings me to tears occasionally. I have a sense of missing these terribly. It is constant the last few days and it is even about things that happened a few weeks ago. Really bizarre. 

 

Was reading an article about deja vu and how there is  a part of our brain that is constantly checking if we recognize a situation and comparing our current view/situation to that and I think something might be getting fixed in that part of the brain. 


In IFS therapy terms these would be parts that are probably getting activated/blending. I am not sure if I want to stop it or if I want to relax more into it and cry my heart out. There is this sense of sweetness about it. 

"Nothing so small as a moment is insurmountable, and moments are all that we have. You have survived every trial and tribulation that life has thrown at you up until this very instant. When future troubles come—and they will come—a version of you will be born into that moment that can conquer them, too." - Kevin Koenig 

 

I am not a doctor and this should not be considered medical advice. You can use the information and recommendations provided in whatever way you want and all decisions on your treatment are yours. 

 

In the next few weeks I do not have a lot of capacity to respond to questions. If you need a quick answer pls tag or ask other moderators who may want to be tagged. 

 

Aug  2000 - July 2003 (ct, 4-6 wk wd) , citalopram 20 mg,  xanax prn, wellbutrin for a few months, trazodone prn 

Dec 2004 - July 2018 citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn (rarely used)

Aug 2018 - citalopram 40 mg (self titrated up)

September 2018 - January 2019 tapered citalopram - 40/30/20/10/5 no issues until a week after reaching 0

Feb 2019 0.25 xanax - 0.5/day (3 weeks) over to klonopin 0.25 once a day to manage severe wd

March 6, reinstated citalopram 2.5 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 mg for sleep 2-3 times a week

Apr 1st citalopram 2.0 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 once a week (off by 4/14/19- no tapering)

citalopram (liquid) 4/14/19 -1.8 mg, 5/8/19 - 1.6 mg,  7/27/19 -1.5 mg,  8/15/19 - 1.35, 2/21/21 - 1.1 (smaller drops in between), 6/20/21 - 1.03 mg, 8/7/21- 1.025, 8/11/21 - 1.02, 8/15/21 - 1.015, 9/3/21 - 0.925 (fingers crossed!), 10/8/21 - 0.9, 10/18/21 - 0.875, 12/31/21 - 0.85, 1/7/22 - 0.825, 1/14/22 - 0.8, 1/22/22 - 0.785, 8/18/22 - 0.59, 12/15/2022 - 0.48, 2/15/22 - 0.43, 25/07/23 - 0.25 (mistake), 6/08/23 - 0.33mg

 

Supplements: magnesium citrate and bi-glycinate

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@Onmywayyou are really working yourself down on those doses, yay so happy for you. 
Oh yes, you describing the feelings is so familiar to me. Both the pain and the joy of those times. 
It is nice that you are able to experience both the good and the bad times and the emotions associated with them. Cheering for you. 

2009 Escitalopram 10mg

April 2013 got off August 2013 reinstated 

July 2015 Ketipinor 50mg (Quetiapin)

April 2021 got off Quetiapin 4w taper

May 2021 tapered off Escitalopram 

9 August 2021 back on Escitalopram 2,5mg. Down to 2 mg. Updosed to 2,2mg August 24 Down to 2mg September 2

Updosed to 3mg Sept 28 

December Still holding ❤️

June 9 2022 2,9 mg

June 19 2022 2,85 mg

December 2022 switched syringes and realized i am actually taking 3,4 mg

Supplements vitamin E 400 magnesium malate a fraction of 400, Rosita Cod liver oil

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