labrat15: introduction

[labrat15]

So I have been tapering off antidepressants for the last year by myself and I am looking for some support. I first was given Lexapro 20 mg about 6 years ago for an anxiety disorder. At the beginning it worked wonders (or so I thought) but after 2 years I started to experience major weight gain and sexual side effects that were unbearable and I decided to get off my medication. I was not informed of any potential withdrawal and ended up tapering way to fast and experienced extreme withdrawal. I ended up going back on the Lexapro and stabilized. After about 4 months I decided to try and get off again but this time I tried a slower taper. I tapered from 20 to 15 mg successfully and then tried from 15 to 10 but the withdrawal was too much. I went back to 15 mg but side effects were really taking a toll on me so I decided to add Wellbutrin. I experienced severe anxiety and could not continue on the Wellbutrin. I tapered off Wellbutrin and the next 2 months were complete hell filled with extreme anxiety. I also started to notice a weird tightness sensation in my stomach that disabled my movement. After 2 months my doctor recommended mirtazapine in addition to the Lexapro. I started to feel great after the addition of the mirtazapine but then after a month out of no where I started feeling extremely anxious and my stomach tightness increased 10 fold. I tried to stay on the medication as I was terrified to go into withdrawal again but after 6 months of the mirtazapine I could not continue. I tried to taper slowly off the mirtazapine and again experienced severe withdrawal and decided to see a psychiatrist (the worst thing I have ever done). She put me on Rexulti in addition to the Lexapro and mirtazapine and I experienced the worst restlessness I have ever felt but the anxiety was slightly reduced. I read online that the restlessness goes away after a while so I continued with the rexulti and the restlessness eventually went away. I then tapered completely off the mirtazapine and my stomach issues resolved slightly. I was still experiencing sexual side effects so my psychiatrist switch me from Lexapro to Vibryd. She told me there were no side effects but I ended up experienced the worst weight gain and sexual dysfunction I have ever experienced. At this point I was so angry and disillusioned I told my psychiatrist off and decided to get off everything. It has been about a year of slowly tapering and every little bit of medication that I get off of the better I feel. That being said I feel as if I am deteriorating mentally. When I do tapers now I start thinking that I am permanently damaged and become suicidal even though I eventually start feeling better every time. I am currently in the middle of a taper and I am feeling pretty hopeless. When I taper I experience a loss of coordination, blurred eye sight, extreme anxiety, stomach tightness that I have started to notice in my spine, suicidal thoughts, slurred speech, headache, and extreme anger. These symptoms describe a condition call Ataxia and I am beyond worried that I have acquired a permanent condition. I know I start to feel better but when I am in severe withdrawal I can't help but worry about permanent damage. I just haven't had enough time of feeling good over the last 6 years to confidently know that I am not permanently damaged. These guys need to pay for what they are doing to people. I hope that this information is used to put a stop to this horrific system.    

[Altostrata]

Welcome, @labrat15

 

You have experienced what's called a prescription cascade. Good for you, telling off the psychiatrist. You might similarly educate all your prescribers.

 

What drugs are you taking now, at what times o'clock and dosages? What drug are you tapering now?

 

To help us out, follow these instructions Please summarize your drug and withdrawal history in your signature You may need to use a computer to do this.

 

Please post in shorter paragraphs, long paragraphs are difficult to read.

[labrat15]

You have no idea how badly I told her off she started panicking serves her right. I am taking 0.25 mg of Rexulti and 5 mg of Lexapro and I take it at 8 in the morning. I tapered the Rexulti from 0.375 mg to 0.25 a month ago and I am still withdrawing. 

[Altostrata]

Why are you taking the 2 drugs at the same time? Have you felt any symptoms from reducing Rexulti?

[labrat15]

I was not told otherwise... Is that harmful? Yes the typical withdrawal symptoms that I experience which include severe anxiety, slurred speech, blurred vision, eye strain, dizziness, headache, restlessness, tightness in body particularly in neck and stomach area.  

[labrat15]

Hello?

[Altostrata]

On 10/10/2021 at 4:08 PM, labrat15 said:

Yes the typical withdrawal symptoms that I experience which include severe anxiety, slurred speech, blurred vision, eye strain, dizziness, headache, restlessness, tightness in body particularly in neck and stomach area.  

 

Did you feel these symptoms when you tapered Rexulti from 0.375 mg to 0.25 a month ago? When was the last time you changed your Lexapro dose?

 

Roughly speaking, Lexapro is an accelerator and Rexulti is a brake, so taking them together is odd. What was Rexulti supposed to do for you?

[labrat15]

Yes and 5 months ago. The rexulti was supposed to make me happy. 

[labrat15]

Ok so I have been having some problems and I need some help. I have been setting myself back into withdrawal with some rookie mistakes and I am worried that all this activity is causing me damage. I recently decided to eliminate sugar from my diet in order to lose the weight that I put on since taking antidepressants and I have gone right back into withdrawal. I have also been tapering Cannabis as I did not know about this site and was unaware that smoking pot or taking most things could be harmful to my recovery. Every time I reduce a little bit of Cannabis I start getting my withdrawal symptoms back which last about 1 to 2 weeks but I seem to level out after. I have been sending myself into withdrawal by trying to get off anything that might be harmful to my recovery and it has been really taking a toll on me.

 

I have noticed some new symptoms that are starting to worry me such as an extremely stiff neck, particularly the right side of my neck which is usually accompanied by vision symptoms. The vision symptoms include eye strain, burred vision and difficulty looking out of the corners of my eyes. That is pretty concerning and I am definitely pretty worried about it. From what you guys know, can an over-sensitized nervous system lead to any permanent damage long term or any nervous system conditions? Do people typically recover from this and regain there ability to function and work? I am 26 and I have a lot of years left and I really don't want to live a life where I'm constantly being send back into withdrawal. I have also had to take over 2 years off of working because of this crazy medication nightmare and I really want to be able to work again and finish my degree as my self esteem is at an all time low from not being able to do anything.    

[labrat15]

Could someone please get back to me. Thanks 

[labrat15]

I know you guys are probably very busy but it would be nice if someone could get back to me.

[Kiasofia]

On 11/26/2021 at 10:04 PM, labrat15 said:

Do people typically recover from this and regain there ability to function and work?

Yes most people do. But it can take time.

 

Brassmonkey has written about this

 

Here is our symptoms and self care section, you may find some useful ideas to help manage symptoms as you recover. 

Symptoms and self care topics

 

The search function on this site doesn't work very well.  The best way to search this site for specific information is to use your favorite search engine. Type in survivingantidepressants.org then the symptom, treatment, supplement or information you wish to search for.

 

To make sure someone sees your question, tag them by writing @ and then start typing their username. A drop down menu will appear. Click on their username and it will turn blue. @labrat15

 

[labrat15]

Ok thank. Its just that I see 400 000 introductions and only 9000 success stories it just doesn't look great at all but I have seen improvements. It just pretty easy to set your system off when you're this sensitive. Will I always be this sensitive now? It's nice to be able to have a coffee or have a couple beers like that would be pretty messed up if I can't enjoy those things for the rest of my life. Its been about 4 months since my last taper and I find coffee or any alcohol sets me back a couple weeks particularly alcohol.  

[Kiasofia]

12 hours ago, labrat15 said:

400 000 introductions and only 9000 success stories

Very many people join, ask a few questions and then disappear for whatever reason. This doesn't mean they never healed, but there is less incentive to take the time to write a success story than there is to write a post looking for help and answers.

 

12 hours ago, labrat15 said:

pretty messed up if I can't enjoy those things for the rest of my life. Its been about 4 months since my last taper and I find coffee or any alcohol sets me back a couple weeks particularly alcohol.  

You will not always be as sensitized as you are now, if you give your brain the chance to heal, and may well be able to tolerate caffeine and alcohol later in life, but for now it definitely sounds like you should abstain rather then prolong the time it takes to heal.

 

[labrat15]

ok thank you

[labrat15]

Ok so I have a question that I think needs to be answered by you. Before this nightmare I was a cable human being. I could do whatever I wanted and was good at many things but since the start of my taper 6 months ago I am now a deficient moron. There are not a lot of success stories compared to introductions so I need to ask you about what you have seen regarding peoples ability to regain their normal cognitive functions. I would prefer the honest truth so that I can make proper decisions regarding my future employment. There are many people reporting decreased cognitive abilities for years after withdrawal symptoms have subsided and if that is the case then I will have to change my plans for the future. I am 26 and had a very promising future but now I can't do half of what I was capable of. 

 

Thanks

 

@Altostrata

 

[Altostrata]

There would be no point in operating this site if nobody ever recovered.

[NeDaytoDayMJ]

It’s unfortunate that most people don’t come back to post about their recoveries or give updates on how they are feeling.  I don’t come on here as much when I’m in a window (which is rare anyways).  
I too have many times when I have cognitive issues.  I’m glad you want to get off these drugs. 
I haven’t heard of any stories of this being permanent.  We just need to heal.  To trust our body.  

[labrat15]

Yeh I am definitely getting some windows and I just entered a window yesterday which is obviously a good sign and the cognitive issues seem to get better during the windows but its hard not to worry. When the waves hit me it really catches me off guard even if I am prepared for it. I'd rather feel like crap until I get better then have these up's and downs it's just a tease. If I do get back to normal I will definitely be posting my success story and I will update regularly. 

[labrat15]

If you don't mind me asking @NeDaytoDayMJ why did you reinstate your lexapro?

[NeDaytoDayMJ]

1 hour ago, labrat15 said:

If you don't mind me asking @NeDaytoDayMJ why did you reinstate your lexapro?

I reinstated as the withdrawal symptoms were to much to bare and reinstatement could alleviate those.  They haven’t.  But I’m holding out hope.  I’ve got to.  

[labrat15]

Just doing an update. The window has lasted the longest it has ever lasted and it is hands down the best I have ever felt since starting these medications but my PSSD symptoms have increased which is strange. It is really encouraging that I am feeling better but I have to say the PSSD symptoms really get me worried. The PSSD symptoms seem to fluctuate almost weekly which isn't something I have seen on any forum. I will have a 3 to 4 day period where the symptoms will decrease a bit and then I will have another 3 to 4 days or so where my symptoms increase. Sometimes it even fluctuates daily. I had a 3 day period a month ago where I had about 80 percent of my sexuality back which was a great sign. This has to be good signs that I will regain my sexuality it has only been 4 months since my last taper so it seems like the progress has come pretty quickly. 

[labrat15]

I have another question. I am thinking that coffee might be making my PSSD symptoms worse. This morning a woke up and my PSSD symptoms were way better but this evening I had 3 cups of coffee and around the same time I noticed my libido was decreased significantly. I don't know whether my PSSD symptoms are just up and down or directly related to the coffee. I've read on this site that coffee is not recommended during withdrawal so maybe its negatively impacting me but it just doesn't make sense because some studies have found that coffee reduces things like erectile dysfunction. Is it possible that my symptoms are just up and down or have you seen anyone that has experienced increased PSSD symptoms from coffee?

@Altostrata     

[Altostrata]

If you think coffee is exacerbating your symptoms, gradually go off coffee over a week or so. Please tag me only for important questions that cannot be answered by your own common sense or using search for existing conversations on this site.

[labrat15]

Common sense is kind of difficult when your freaked out because your penis isn't working...

 

[Altostrata]

Think with your head instead.

[labrat15]

My PSSD symptoms have reduced big time. I had to get back on a cholesterol medication 5 days ago so the increase in PSSD symptoms might have been caused by high cholesterol levels but it has only been 5 days since reinstating so I doubt my cholesterol levels have changed. I would say I have about 75 percent functioning right now which is the best its ever been. 

[labrat15]

My PSSD symptoms have returned. I had a couple drinks the night before my PSSD symptoms went away and I have read on numerous forums that alcohol and alcohol hangovers can actually reduce PSSD symptoms so it might have just been the alcohol which is really discouraging because I thought I was making some progress. I would honestly be drunk every second of every day if it meant getting my libido back but the alcohol increases my anxiety symptoms to unmanageable levels. This is starting to get ridiculous and I want out of this nightmare. I am trying to stay positive but everyday I wake up and I feel overwhelming anger. I don't know how people deal with this. I'm a 26 year old male who wants to have sex and eventually have a family and if that has been taken away from me then I see no point in living anymore. 

[labrat15]

Like I am going to try and stay positive but this is the most distressing thing I have ever experienced in my life.

[labrat15]

PSSD symptoms were better today but the last 2 days I have noticed an increase in anxiety, particularly body tightness. I don't even know if its worth it to be tracking  my symptoms because its so random and up and down. It's pretty distressing to be fixated on all these ups and downs I start obsessing about symptoms and I try to make sense of everything. I have also been abnormally angry about random things for the past 2 days which is not normal for me. I have to find some positivity because the negativity has been eating me alive I am just frustrated because I really want to work again and do normal things and I get periods where everything seems to be shaping up and I start to get excited about resuming normal life but then a wave hits me and I feel like I'm back where I started.     

[labrat15]

Do you think it would be a bad idea to get a part time job at a grocery store just to stay busy and get my mind off this craziness? I do feel like stress triggers my symptoms but not making any money is also stressing me out as well. I do have the money to take more time off but having some income would help alleviate some financial stress.

@Kiasofia    

[Kiasofia]

Having other things to occupy your mind is probably a good idea.

[NeDaytoDayMJ]

If you can work part time I would do so.  It would keep your mind busy.  
Im not even sure I can work with my crappy daily headaches. It’s crazy that a week ago I was feeling better and thinking about how I don’t need these forums or I am doing better than most on the forums.  Then the past 4 days I have felt horrible.  It is so saddening.  
So I understand the windows and waves you are going through.  I’m sorry you have to deal with them.  
Things will get better.  

[labrat15]

Yeh honestly I haven’t done anything for almost a year and it’s driving me nuts. I just worry about becoming overloaded and having to quit but at this point it’s worth seeing if I’m able to work. 
 

[labrat15]

Yeh these waves and windows are crazy. Hardest part is when you have a wave and start thinking that you'll never feel better. I honestly completely forget that Ive had good periods when a wave hits. Probably a good sign that we're having windows though.

@NeDaytoDayMJ

[Jnthnslo]

1 hour ago, labrat15 said:

Yeh these waves and windows are crazy. Hardest part is when you have a wave and start thinking that you'll never feel better. I honestly completely forget that Ive had good periods when a wave hits. Probably a good sign that we're having windows though.

@NeDaytoDayMJ

I hear you on that too. It really is wild how unpredictable it is. I go to sleep and wake up the next day with no idea how my brain is going to feel. One day it is head pressure and extreme brain fog, the next I'm pretty good, and then all of a sudden I can't feel any of my emotions.

 

I've been there too with the windows feeling like hey this is finally getting better. Windows are never 100% but when I have them it is good enough to feel like "hey, this still kinda sucks but if I stay this way I can live a somewhat happy life." Then the wave hits and it is pure suffering. Your brain feels so messed up it makes you think that there is no way to get out of if. Waves are amazing but you just have no clue how long they'll last. But you're right, at least we are having windows which means our bodies are still repairing.

 

I've somehow managed to continue working. Partially because I get to telework a significant amount. It is a good distraction and I think exercising your mind as much as possible does help. I do have to work on keeping my stress as low as possible because high stress is guaranteed to put me in a serve wave.