labrat15: introduction

[labrat15]

The unpredictability really gets to me I start feeling good and I start wanting to do a bunch of things to make up for lost time and then a wave hits and I'm forced back into my house. If this withdrawal lasts years I think learning how to get by and adapt while dealing with this is important you can't do nothing that's just depressing. I'm just embarrassed that don't function like I used to I'm pretty much disabled when I'm in a wave but at this point I don't care as much anymore I'll stock shelves at a grocery store I should be able to do that. I just don't like people seeing me this way it's really hard on the old ego but if I can get past that then doing things while I'm in waves won't be as bad. Are you able to function well enough? When I'm in a wave I am totally impaired I can barely talk.   

[labrat15]

Yeh I don't know if I am going to be able to work I woke up today and my anxiety was thru the roof. I am so lost and I am having a hard time staying positive. Thanks to the people who have commented on my thread its really nice to be able to talk to other people going through the same thing. I hope we all recover.

[NeDaytoDayMJ]

When I have bad headache days I can barely function.  I can get to the store and drop off packages at post office (I work from home) but that’s it.  I just stay laying in bed.  This is about half my life right now.  Other times I feel a little better to work around house.  It’s depressing.  It is what it is though.  I hope your anxiety is better today.  

[labrat15]

Had a really bad week. Have been dealing with my typical symptoms of bad eye strain, dizziness, tension in body, anxiety but have also been extremely angry the last couple days. I don't know if this is the neuroemotions that Ive about of this site or just the fact that I've pretty much had it. Im feeling pretty low right now and could use some reassurance. I was feeling so good a couple weeks ago I hate this so much.     

[labrat15]

On a positive note though my PSSD symptoms have improved significantly. I would say I have about 90 percent functioning which is great. I just have to stay positive. Obviously I am having waves and windows and I just need to remember that things will pass. Its crazy how hard it is to remember that though...

 

[NeDaytoDayMJ]

It’s the story of our lives right now.  I’m in some real bad headaches right now.  I’m considering taking some new drugs as it’s getting unbearable.  I did switch to liquid Lexapro but same dose.  
I pray we get better labrat.  I know how you are feeling.  Our window is coming right around the corner.  We are healing.  We got this.  

[labrat15]

Thanks @NeDaytoDayMJ. Last 3 days I have been feeling good. Anxiety has been reduced but the PSSD symptoms have increased. Seems like the PSSD and other symptoms rotate with each other.  

[labrat15]

Just another update. I was feeling good for about 6 days but I have been dealing with some shortness of breath since getting on these medications and I decided to try an inhaler but it sent me into a wave. I was just really sick of not being able to play sports like I usually can so I thought it was worth a try to see if I could tolerate it while dealing with the withdrawal but it is definitely a no go. Seems like any sort of drug sends me into a wave so at this point I am going to stay away from everything. I think the shortness of breath has to do with the weight I gained since getting on these awful medications. I lost 20 pounds and I think I have noticed a slight decrease in the shortness of breath. It could also be from the anxiety that the withdrawal has been causing me so I guess I'll just have to wait and see if it improves. I plan on losing another 10 pounds so I'm going to see if that improves things. Hopefully this wave I sent myself into doesn't last too long. 

[labrat15]

I ended up caving in and had some drinks a couple days ago and I woke up in a panic and felt suicidal. I'm so angry I can't even have a couple drinks like if this withdrawal crap wasn't hard enough... I took some Benadryl and it definitely calmed me down but probably not ideal to take more drugs. I am not going to lie since this withdrawal craziness I have been having a hard time staying away from Cannabis and Alcohol. I'm not going crazy with it or anything but about once a week I like to have a little get away from it all. How bad is this? If I end up having a slip am I totally screwing myself up because if that is the case I am probably going to have to check myself into a rehab centre just so I can stay away from it. Like I said I'm not a crazy drinker or anything but if I'm doing damage I'd rather be safe than sorry. If I'm not damaging myself I'd prefer to not go to Rehab but if I am then I'd have to consider it so that I can get away from any temptation. When I do give in and have a couple drinks I usually feel like crap for 2 to 3 days after then start feeling better.

@Kiasofia 

[NeDaytoDayMJ]

Oh no.  I guess I never thought about alcohol and it’s affect in withdrawal.  It is weird how everything is connected and just seems not fair.  I understand you are thinking that why can’t a couple drinks be okay?’  It must be frustrating to lose that freedom to be able to drink.  I don’t drink.  I have been wondering about marijuana.  Are you still able to use that without any setbacks?
 When was the last time you could have a drink and not feel like crap. Was it before withdrawal?  

I sometimes wish I could have a drink to put me into an altered state were I’m not constantly thinking about the withdrawal.  I had that thought yesterday.   However the side effects seem to be not worth the risk.  I guess that is your answer. If you need rehab to not drink or smoke than I would look into it.  Being sober isn’t a bad thing.  Even for a bit.  We will learn a lot about ourselves. 

 

[labrat15]

I was able to have drinks normally up until I started tapering Rexulti. When I was tapering my antidepressant Viibryd I was able to have a couple drinks but since the Rexulti taper it has just been different. The Cannabis definitely has not been working for me which is why I decided to taper it. Rehab might be a little extreme but I just worry about doing damage and it's hard not to give in from time to time especially considering how hard this withdrawal is. It totally sucks that I can't even have a few drinks I don't think this could get any worse lol.     

[Kiasofia]

Alcohol can make withdrawal worse and prolong healing time:

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/23081-are-we-there-yet-how-long-is-withdrawal-going-to-take/?do=findComment&comment=492502

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/8717-alcohol-and-beer/page/4/#comment-222018

[canaanstongue01]

@labrat15 how are you doing? any significant windows?

[labrat15]

I'm feeling good lately since I've abstained from alcohol but I've been having a hard time not drinking since taking these medications. From what I've researched SSRIs can cause alcohol addiction problems and I am definitely having problems not drinking. I never had these problems before I was always able to control my alcohol consumption but now I am definitely experiencing problems. I think it has to do with damage to the prefrontal cortex based on what I have read which is pretty messed up. I have also been tapering off of marijuana and I have been dealing with the withdrawal from that. I never experienced pot withdrawal before taking these medications but I started smoking pot to deal with the antidepressant withdrawal and now I have to taper extremely slowly to avoid withdrawal. Good news is when I don't drink and I'm not withdrawing from pot I start feeling better so there is definitely good signs.      

[canaanstongue01]

i started drinking a lot and smoking a ton of pot on lexapro. i quit drinking about a year before i quit the AD and so far have stuck to it. haven’t weed at all in a few months now and it was definitely a difficult change at first. 

 

how are things with pssd?

[labrat15]

It’s hard to say because the pot withdrawal causes me sexual dysfunction and the drinking doesn’t help either. I’d say about 70 to 80 percent functioning when I’m not in pot withdrawal. I have read a lot about drug withdrawal causing sexual dysfunction so I think a lot of cases of “pssd” are actually just withdrawal symptoms. Don’t think a lot of people actually get permanent dysfunction from this it’s just a prolonged withdrawal symptom so I”m pretty optimistic. Exercise seems to help I bike alot and my libido improves after a bike ride for sure.

[canaanstongue01]

what about your emotions? levels of interest/enthusiasm?

[labrat15]

And in some case the drug withdrawal sexual dysfunction has lasted up to 2 years so seems to fit the description of most pssd cases. 

[labrat15]

Yeh again depends on whether I’m in pot withdrawal or not but when I’m not I tend to bike a lot and want to play guitar and do the thing I normally want to do. I also feel a high level of attraction to girls again and feel alive so emotions seem to come back. 

[labrat15]

Did you experience any sexual dysfunction from quitting Cannabis or alcohol? @canaanstongue01

[canaanstongue01]

@labrat15 not from quitting alcohol, no, but i quit drinking back when i was still on lexapro and not tapering valium. with weed it's harder for me to tell, because i stopped using it after i had stopped lexapro and started my valium taper. i quit smoking it mostly just because it didn't seem to have much effect anymore, other than occasionally increasing anxiety. one of my problems during this whole process has been trying to figure out what is causing what--i also quit cigarettes and coffee for the most part, though i had a bit of both during this past week. i'm just trying to get by. my main thing is that i really want the anhedonia to go away. i want to be curious again, i want to feel again, i want to enjoy movies and music and books and conversations... fingers crossed. 

[labrat15]

Just doing an update. I went to rehab because I've been drinking impulsively. It turns out that Rexulti is causing people impulsive behaviour problems and there are a ton of law firms that are suing the manufacturer for causing impulsivity and I have signed up for a class action lawsuit. I am also suing my doctor for not warning me or monitoring for these symptoms so hopefully I can get her on that because I want to sue that evil woman for anything I can. Basically the manufacturer took the drug Abilify, which has been known to cause impulsive behaviour problems in many people, and stuck a new name on it and claimed it was a new drug that didn't have these side effects. It is the same drug...

 

I am still on 0.25 mg of the Rexulti as I wanted to take a break from the withdrawal but this is a pretty dangerous situation so I have started to taper of the rest. I plan on doing it slower that my last taper but considering how messed up this situation is, I wonder if I should speed the taper up because next thing you know I could be doing things that are a lot worse and I feel like I have no control over myself. Do you think tapering an 8th every week to two weeks would be to fast? I just want off this drug as I don't know what I'll do next... I also impulsively invested 100 000 dollars from an inheritance after getting on the drug and have never done anything like that before and I am down like 70 percent. I had no idea that the drug was causing these problems I literally thought I was making these decisions on my own.

 

@Kiasofia

[labrat15]

Last time I tapered off the Rexulti I tapered 0.125 mg at a time twice and it took me 2 months to start feeling better after each taper and the 2 months were horrific. If I did an eighth every week or two it would be 0.03125 mg. It has a really long half life to so I don't know maybe it might not be too bad. I just have to get off it because it is causing some dangerous behaviour. I just don't know what to do.

[NeDaytoDayMJ]

Can you just taper the faster method and wait to see how your body reacts?  I'm so sorry you got hooked on this horrible drug.  What a nightmare.  I also have invested and lost $20k in some stable coins because Celsius the currency exchange is going bankrupt.   Are you invested in the market or crypto?  If the market, it will rebound, the crypto currencies I would be weary of.   I said a prayer for you.  I pray God will set you free from this suffering.

[labrat15]

What is the fast method?

@NeDaytoDayMJ

 

[NeDaytoDayMJ]

I was hoping that you would taper the fastest you could with minimal effects.  That is what I meant.  It sounds like you need to get off the drug.  

[labrat15]

Oh ok yeh I tapered an 8th 5 days ago and the withdrawal has kicked in but it is not to bad. I think I'm going to taper an 8th every week and see how it goes because I need to get off this drug this is completely nuts.

[NeDaytoDayMJ]

How have you been my friend?  I’m hoping well.  

[labrat15]

I decided to taper a bit quicker and it wasn't a good idea. I'm having windows of feeling good over the last 2 weeks but it was pretty bad for about 3 weeks. I'm down to 0.125 and I'm going to cut them into quarters and taper 1 quarter a month after I level out completely. Thanks for asking how are you doing?

[NeDaytoDayMJ]

Wow you sound like you are almost there.  I’m sorry to hear about the bad 3 weeks stretch.  Hopefully that’s in the past!  When do you plan on quitting completely?
Im just plodding along. I’m 5 months off the drugs.  I haven’t noticed anything better or worse.  I’m hoping I can start to experience life more.  I’m waiting for that day.  

[labrat15]

Yeh I got 0.125 mg of the rexulti to go and then 5 mg of lexapro. Don't really know when I'm going to taper the rest. I wanted to go back to school next semester but I want to get off the rexulti before I go back so I might slowly taper off the rest starting in September but I kinda wanted to take a break. Thats good your not getting worse I'm sure you will start feeling good again. A lot of the people that have posted success stories have said it took them longer than that so you probably have a lot of room to improve. I don't start feeling completely normal for months as well but the worst ends after about a month.

[labrat15]

Down to 0.075 mg of the rexulti. The impulsive drinking has completely disappeared I haven't drank in a month and I have no desire to drink what so ever. I tapered an eighth a week ago and the withdrawal has kicked in and I'm getting the typically symptoms but hopefully it doesn't last to long.

[Altostrata]

Good to hear the urge to drink has gone! How long have your withdrawal symptoms lasted after a reduction?

[labrat15]

Yeh thanks that was causing a really bad cycle that kept me in withdrawal but way worse it was pretty scary stuff. It was causing me some impulsive gambling as well so if you see anyone taking Rexulti let them know because a lot of people have lost everything. Ended up having to pay a ridiculous amount to go to rehab and they just kept trying to give me more meds so I left. I have been tapering eighths and the withdrawal seems to last about a month which is way better than what I was experiencing before. I am not getting the intense anxiety I was getting before I'm just slightly anxious, dizzy and a little disoriented. I have 0.075 mg of the Rexulti left and then 5 mg of Lexapro. I can't wait until I'm off it I start feeling better the more I get off this stuff.

[labrat15]

Last couples days has been really bad. Withdrawal has peaked and I'm am very depressed and scared. I know it goes away but I just get this overwhelming fear that I will never get better and that I'm completely screwed. It's completely irrational but it always happens. The main symptoms that worry me is the disorientation and ataxia. It feels like my eyes are popping out of my head. That does get better but I haven't had enough time in between tapers to completely recover. The drinking also kept setting me back so at this point I don't really know what my baseline is after taking these drugs. I really hope that I go completely back to normal. There was nothing wrong with me besides some mild anxiety from school until my doctor gave me these meds.

[NeDaytoDayMJ]

Oh no.  I’m saddened to hear this.  I hate being depressed.  I can understand being scared as they symptoms just keep persisting.  They don’t stop and we get few breaks.  
I often feel as though I won’t get back to normal.  It’s terrible.  I know.  I’m with you my friend.  
Let’s just take it hour by hour.  That helps me a lot.  You made it through the weekend!  That’s great.